The Unspoken Voice of Truth

Since I can remember, I have been known as the ‘loud mouth,’ the child that said the inappropriate things and the one who embarrassed adults in their white and black lies.

For example, I never believed in Santa. At the age of about 2 or 3 I told my mother that I knew she was Santa because her handwriting was on my Christmas card from the alleged white-bearded man – so obvious, isn’t it!? Roughly around a similar time, knowing that the nursery is going to ask my parents to buy our Christmas presents, I asked for the smallest and most modest (cheapest) toy I could think of because I didn’t want my mum and dad to spend money on my toys that I could sense we had no money for.

Looking back now at this quality I held as a child, I can see what a gift it could have been for my parents, teachers and everybody around. Over the last year or so, whilst living with a woman who does not back down in front of anything in the name of integrity, somebody who would literally (in her own words) “take a bullet for truth,” I have begun to reconnect to that same long lost ability. The ability all human beings share, but do not necessarily practice, to see between the lines and question out loud that which does not seem quite right.

However, I have definitely not been welcoming this with open arms and a ‘hallelujah.’ When I get pulled up it feels exposing. Where I originally come from there’s an expression: “you look like you’ve just stomped the spring onions,” which basically means, you look like you pooed your pants as we like to say in English.

But the feeling is so real. It’s like somebody has just found your dirty laundry and is putting it out for all the neighbours to see. And that’s exactly what is happening: our dirty secrets come out and we begin to realise that we may not be ‘The Good Samaritan’ that likes to help everybody. In fact we could be doing all of the altruistic deeds out of a need to be liked, approved of and recognised. So in truth, we are then more of a manipulative Samaritan – yep, hurts to admit.

When exposed in my so called ‘good’ ways, I can often sulk for days thinking of all of the things I could have said in the conversation which could prove that I was right, that I am ‘good.’ I attack the person with my own thoughts like: “how dare they,” “this is my truth,” “they expect too much of me,” and so much more. However, underneath all of this I have a knowing that what has been presented to me is truth and I cannot alter it, even if I tried.

So we have created a society where we actually encourage people to learn to calculate the most appropriate thing to say in order to keep everybody around ‘happy’ and ‘at peace.’ We make it even more difficult for others to express truth by confronting and attacking the ones who do hold onto the truth, so the ones who choose to comply with the lies can float through the shallow waters of life untouched and untroubled by the outside world.

This path of dishonesty for me has accumulated deep levels of frustration, anger and aggression that have literally made my bones hurt. Anger towards myself for knowing truth so strongly when I see it and feel it, and yet, I choose to remain sitting quietly at the front of the classroom of life, putting my hand up to speak up only when I know that my answers will give me that grade A for compliance and will not ruffle any feathers.

What’s important here is that I know I am not alone in this experience. Someone close to me used to warn me that if I continue to speak without thinking twice first, I will most definitely end up in a marriage where I will get abused. This ‘warning’ came because they witnessed their mother get beaten on a daily basis exactly for the same reason.

But what I have found much worse is the attack we cast upon ourselves by holding back, by not saying the thing that is on the tip of our tongue, the thing that may cause a reaction of any sort in another but the exact same thing which may change one’s life or the life of many others. Forever.

We are afraid of speaking up because we all know what happens to the people who do: Rosa Parks got arrested, Martin Luther King got shot, Jesus was crucified and the loudest i.e. most outspoken child at school receives accolade of academic consequences, detentions and exclusions.

But perhaps it’s time to start considering what happens when we don’t speak up and the self-abusive behaviours this can often lead to, such as eating disorders as it may have happened in the case of Lady Diana, or the devastating depression which left Robin Williams feeling like the only way out was through taking his own life, or any of the other celebrities and people in general who develop drug and alcohol dependencies which can often lead to an overdose and another life lost.

It may be worth questioning whether any of these behaviours would even have a base to develop if we as a society were more honest and open to hearing and expressing what needs to be heard and or said.

After all, we can all feel truth, so why aren’t we all voicing it?

By Viktoria Stoykova, London, UK

Further Reading:
The importance of expressing truth
Truth – I Can Feel it in my Bones
Truth about Little White Lies


524 thoughts on “The Unspoken Voice of Truth

  1. Astute and inspiring to read the frankness and beautifully simple honest language that is alive and well in your expression. I love how you write and how you view the world. When more of us speak what we feel is true, rather than right, the world would be a whole lot more healthy and much more joyful, something that you are clearly leading the way in…. We get low and feel small when we hide what we really feel and know.

  2. Considering this a bit further I wonder what it must be like to have a compulsion to speak truth and not be valued. I wonder if, because they know they are speaking truth they then go into a drive to get themselves heard which tips it into a dis-order rather than the simple order they were trying to express. I just wonder from observing and considering.

  3. I have to say that I now LOVE the honesty that comes from children and teenagers. It is raw and honest and I cannot help but consider that it can be so challenging for some that they feel there is something wrong with people who have a deep connection to truth and therefore give it a label. Once there is a label we feel the need to develop a medication to mediate the behaviour.

  4. The world as we have it today is a consequence of people not speaking up and therefore letting things slide that we never should have.

  5. It’s a strange belief isn’t it that the truth is impolite? There seems to be this mass collision towards maintaining the status quo and comfort, instead of honestly exposing what’s not true in life and making steps towards living from that truth.

  6. When we welcome the truth it is Actually very refreshing. Perhaps there is an opportunity for us to embrace this way of being with each other. Scrap the nice and say yes to truth

  7. I have specialised in complying and not ruffling feathers in certain aspects of my life….it brings a certain status quo that could also be described as a beige living hell, stuck in a rut etc….. It is a loving work in progress to bring more truth and more of me to life and all that I do.

  8. Before we may stop voicing our truth we already have stopped living that truth, ie. simply embodying and emanating it by our sheer presence. Voicing it when in or after a reaction is still valuable but less powerful and truthful and part of the learning process to not reduce it or hold back on presenting it.

  9. When we actively hold back, not saying the thing that is on the tip of our tongue, we are denying any growth or learning for everyone involved, by having judged the situation from an individual standpoint as being safe/worthy/relevant to contribute what it is that we’ve felt.

  10. This is a great question; ‘After all, we can all feel truth, so why aren’t we all voicing it?’ I know for me in the past I didn’t want to ‘rock the boat’ and wanted everything to be ‘nice’, but this never felt true and meant I lived with frustration and a lack of confidence for not saying what needed to be said. This has changed now as I have learnt how important it is to express what I feel.

  11. I love this; ‘The ability all human beings share, but do not necessarily practice, to see between the lines and question out loud that which does not seem quite right.’ I have been doing this recently and it actually feels very natural to question things as children do. I love questioning not out of judgement but out of observation.

    1. Great quote and observation, and I would say everyday most of us have this niggle regularly, if not all the time, that something’s just is not quite right…a tension…..denying our truth and what we know and feel is true, is a learnt habit…and something that we can indeed undo and so rectify with a truly earnest, inquisitive questioning observation of the crazy nonsensical behaviours and occurrences that happen everyday. And when we chose this, we truly get to start changing things.

  12. Voicing not always means speaking although very often it is required to nominate what needs to be expressed and to be heard unambiguously, nevertheless there are situations where voicing may not be possible or serving the purpose, then we still can ‘voice’ truth with our body in posture, movement, the way we look at people and an emanating quality of presence. Never do we not express with the whole of our body with all its means to do so; the only question is do we express truth or less than truth.

  13. When we have abandoned truth the next ‘good’ thing is being good and doing the right thing. That sells well in a world void of truth, but has no buyers where truth is the standard.

  14. I am learning the more I express truth the easier it becomes. I used to worry about what others would think of me, but now I can feel the responsibility we have to not hold back and to express. I had to be honest with myself and see where I was hiding as I still wanted to be ‘liked’, but now I can feel a life lived with truth is more rewarding than being so called ‘liked’, which is usually only because you are not upsetting the norm.

    1. A life lived where you don’t express how you feel is draining and disempowering. We might think we’re protecting ourselves when we don’t speak up and say what is there to be said, and it’s not about going around justifying, proving or setting the world to rights, but staying open and honest about what we feel- first to ourselves, and then moving and expressing from there.

  15. The consequences of holding back are far worse. They are much more insidious and slow to boil, but have long lasting consequences. Look at the Middle East for example. This was an area that was once the enlightened area of the world during the Middle Ages, when Europe and the UK were not. Looking at the violence and repression in that area now, what happened there? None of this happened overnight, this happened slowly over time, simply through people holding back and not expressing truth or people sweeping things under the carpet. We need to look very closely at where we all become complacent and where we have the “I can’t really be bothered” approach, for this is where things can change and what we don’t want to take advantage.

  16. It is absurd and absolutely ridiculous how we as a society think we can lie to our kids by making up a story about Santa Claus! Every child knows there is no such thing as Father Christmas so who are we trying to fool? – ourselves?! It is an extremely selfish way of being that we carry out Santa Claus because of our hurts, issues and beliefs.

  17. Yes, we do all feel the truth and the more we honor what we feel is true the more we are liberated from the stranglehold of the lies that keep us muted and enslaved by its reductionism. When we walk with truth we walk with the might of God, and regardless of what may come our way, emotionally, physically or otherwise, the truth is nothing can touch or diminish the might of our Soul and its reflection of truth.

  18. I remember a movie that had a line at the height of an argument “You can’t handle the truth”. I can see that there is a part of humanity that has let the livingness of Truth go so far that we now need to come back in increments because to come back all at once will fry our bodies and brains. Yet until we do we do not stand on a solid foundation and will forever be assessing the safety of our natural expression.

  19. It can be unnerving to realise that our most natural quality, to speak the truth, is so unsettling for others. We can dampen or dull this down, or recognise the gift we are to a world buried in the comfort of being nice, polite and hiding behind lies, and not ‘living’ in the power of who we all equally are – love and truth. To lovingly speak the truth is a gift to the world.

  20. Viktoria great starting point is honesty, being honest about who we are and what we know and what we can do about it. I love how you have brought the honesty back to your life and seeing the points where you actually have not truly stood for truth.

  21. This is such a powerful blog Viktoria, one I can feel comes from such a deep and self-revealing place of honesty, a place we often avoid going as it can be very uncomfortable and sometimes physically painful, as you describe. But how wonderful you have been able to express like this, not just for yourself but for others as well so we can also take that same deep look within ourselves, if we so choose. So, thank you for not holding back and in so doing bringing the light of truth to humanity.

    1. It’s interesting to contemplate on why a person would react badly or react with violence to someone who is telling the truth, after all it’s just the truth. The truth asks us to be real, to be responsible and to consider the whole we are a part of, and to let go of self created realities that serve only the self. I reckon when we hear the truth it can expose something we don’t want to see or take responsibility for, even though the truth is always asking us to be more love.

  22. We would do well to build a deeper relationship with Truth so we, not only bring it to others, but bring a level of honesty to ourselves that does not eat away at us – slowly but surely.

  23. The pride of the spirit does not like truth at all, for it resists honesty and admitting it is not all that it thinks it is, as it reveals that there is in fact a greater intelligence and power that is the truth of the Soul which knows all to well the behaviours of it’s wayward counterpart does not represent the essence of the being in its fullness.

  24. We are, so conditioned to be nice, polite, quiet and compliant to the lies that we grow up with feeling trapped in the belief that it is wrong to speak our truth, call things out and to be honest with others. Then when we are in situations, we find it difficult to speak up or confront others when we have something to say, with the fear or belief that we will be punished or not liked at least. Then when others are bold enough to break the code of silence, it is seen as rude and unforgivable. It’s not what and how something is said that is rude, it’s because it shakes us up out of our comfort and the lies we have subscribed to that we don’t like.

  25. We can indeed all feel truth, and its an interesting question to ask as to why we are so reluctant to voice it. Perhaps the answer lies within us an individuals, and we have to start with being much more honest with ourselves first. When we no longer find that we are lying to ourselves about our day to day choices, then there is nothing to get in the way of expressing how we feel about something thats going on around us.

  26. After all, we can all feel truth, so why aren’t we all voicing it?’ We can also feel that society is currently not very accepting of truth. No one I know actually says out loud that we are not allowed to express truth but we tend to hold back expressing truth for fear of being attacked. But hold backing expressing truth is harmful to us all and in my experience, it hurts us all. I have found when I fully express truth, and I’ve received attacks, they feel weak compared to the power of truth. So, what are we really afraid of?

  27. It’s so true. If we all can sense the truth and read the intention behind people’s expressions and movements, then why do we treat this like a secret?

  28. There is such that what we do in the world which is actually ‘manipulative samaritan’ badged as ‘good’, it’s about us and our gain or comfort, yet we allow good in the world and often vilify truth … but the truth is we always feel truth no matter what and eventually our bodies show that truth, so why not give them a head start and speak it.

    1. Adding to the supply of ‘good deeds’ in the name of individual recognition, approval or acceptance is merely delaying the living of individual truth and responsibility.

  29. We have bought into being ‘nice’ and in that, we don’t want to hear the truth.
    This is a clear case of this – we don’t want to hear the reality of life – ie Santa is not real – when this is the black and white facts.

  30. Breaking through our fear and reticence to speak up will mean that we can build societies based on honesty and a willingness to see and voice what is really going on… and this will be the beginning.

    1. Yes, and it will take time. We have witnessed many persecutions through history and many examples of people who have turned the poison in on themselves when they spoke up so although it was not as public as burning at the stake or being assassinated, the poison to the body and the message to others has the same effect.

  31. Great blog Viktoria exposing how we manipulate the truth for our own gain so that we can be liked or receive recognition and therefore choosing not to see what is truly going on. I love your example of the dirty washing hung out for all to see exposing where we really are, it is something we don’t like and react to in many different ways, none of which allows us to feel or accept the truth and allows the lies to go unheeded.

  32. When we hold back what we can feel because we’ve numbed ourselves to it and so it’s not at the tip of our tongue but buried under the layers of protection, first we have to reconnect to our body so we are consciously aware of what we’re feeling, and how it feels to feel those feelings. From there we have the knowing of how to respond and the words to say it, and the more we do, the more we re-establish a confidence in what we can feel and how to express it. What is crazy is that we have to re-learn how to express the truth- something that is so natural to us, but that many of us have abandoned in favour of social niceties, politeness etc to get through life and manage it. But this way of being doesn’t evolve us because it doesn’t ask us to be all of who we truly are. And where’s the joy in being less?

  33. When we are dishonest with ourselves we prevent so much, not only for ourselves but for others too who may be able to learn from us. We therefore have a responsibility to be honest.

  34. I seem to keep coming back to this blog over and over, and every time it offers another level of wisdom for me to consider. – “In fact we could be doing all of the altruistic deeds out of a need to be liked, approved of and recognised.” – In truth, I now can see that if there is even the tiniest smidgeon of self-centred need for recognition, acceptance, or even an investment in a certain outcome, there is no truth or altruism in that kind of act, and it is actually more harming than good. When I pondered on many kind acts that I thought I have done in the past, many of them were actually done in a way that would benefit myself in some way- OUCH!

    1. I have to put myself in that same Student of Truth camp, the investment has been hefty over the years and therefore it takes an equal commitment to be a Student of Love to detach from any outcome and express Truth as I see it. I now know that this expression will evolve as my relationship with Truth evolves.

  35. “…so the ones who choose to comply with the lies can float through the shallow waters of life untouched and untroubled by the outside world.” – Not only do the ones that go along with the lies float untouched, they actually many times get promoted to higher levels of management and power in many businesses, as they are the ones that may be doing whatever is necessary (including the abuse of other people or corrupt and illegal means to get their way) to make the big bucks for their company at the expense of and without consideration of the complete effects of their actions on other people. Calling this behaviour out is therefore paramount to stopping it, no matter if you are then targeted by the same corrupt actions.

  36. Reading his today is really confirming that when I feel and see the truth clearly it’s actually supportive for everyone for me to say it, even if there are reactions.

  37. Viktoria, I can so relate to this; ‘worse is the attack we cast upon ourselves by holding back, by not saying the thing that is on the tip of our tongue, the thing that may cause a reaction of any sort in another but the exact same thing which may change one’s life or the life of many others. Forever.’ Reading this I can feel how there are times when there is something that needs to be said and that the holding back on saying it feels awful, but it is then made even worse when we beat ourselves up for this. I had this experience to day and reading this cuts the self-criticism and changes my experience into a learning.

    1. That’s great to read Rebecca, I often notice that when I go to comment or reply to comments I always have a nagging voice in my head calculating whether my comment is good enough, or whether it would be good enough in the eyes of certain people. This plays out in many different ways, in the way I dress sometimes, in the way I am at work, at home etc. etc.The funny thing is, these people have nothing to do with the judgement we’ve created for ourselves, these thoughts are completely created by our insecurities and we use other people to mask that up.

  38. I love that you told your mum at age 2/3 that you knew Santa was not true, that’s hilarious, as children we are so wise, we all know truth – can you imagine how different our society would be if we only allowed for this level of knowing to be truly fostered.

    1. Yes, I often ask myself – what would happen if we encouraged children to be honest rather than to be good.

  39. We are designed to express all of the time so if we hold back we are saying no to the fullness of who we are by divine right.

  40. Internal self criticism is possibly one of the greatest demonisations of our current era. One that is false in every way, because without exception we are all equally love within.

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