The Unspoken Voice of Truth

Since I can remember, I have been known as the ‘loud mouth,’ the child that said the inappropriate things and the one who embarrassed adults in their white and black lies.

For example, I never believed in Santa. At the age of about 2 or 3 I told my mother that I knew she was Santa because her handwriting was on my Christmas card from the alleged white-bearded man – so obvious, isn’t it!? Roughly around a similar time, knowing that the nursery is going to ask my parents to buy our Christmas presents, I asked for the smallest and most modest (cheapest) toy I could think of because I didn’t want my mum and dad to spend money on my toys that I could sense we had no money for.

Looking back now at this quality I held as a child, I can see what a gift it could have been for my parents, teachers and everybody around. Over the last year or so, whilst living with a woman who does not back down in front of anything in the name of integrity, somebody who would literally (in her own words) “take a bullet for truth,” I have begun to reconnect to that same long lost ability. The ability all human beings share, but do not necessarily practice, to see between the lines and question out loud that which does not seem quite right.

However, I have definitely not been welcoming this with open arms and a ‘hallelujah.’ When I get pulled up it feels exposing. Where I originally come from there’s an expression: “you look like you’ve just stomped the spring onions,” which basically means, you look like you pooed your pants as we like to say in English.

But the feeling is so real. It’s like somebody has just found your dirty laundry and is putting it out for all the neighbours to see. And that’s exactly what is happening: our dirty secrets come out and we begin to realise that we may not be ‘The Good Samaritan’ that likes to help everybody. In fact we could be doing all of the altruistic deeds out of a need to be liked, approved of and recognised. So in truth, we are then more of a manipulative Samaritan – yep, hurts to admit.

When exposed in my so called ‘good’ ways, I can often sulk for days thinking of all of the things I could have said in the conversation which could prove that I was right, that I am ‘good.’ I attack the person with my own thoughts like: “how dare they,” “this is my truth,” “they expect too much of me,” and so much more. However, underneath all of this I have a knowing that what has been presented to me is truth and I cannot alter it, even if I tried.

So we have created a society where we actually encourage people to learn to calculate the most appropriate thing to say in order to keep everybody around ‘happy’ and ‘at peace.’ We make it even more difficult for others to express truth by confronting and attacking the ones who do hold onto the truth, so the ones who choose to comply with the lies can float through the shallow waters of life untouched and untroubled by the outside world.

This path of dishonesty for me has accumulated deep levels of frustration, anger and aggression that have literally made my bones hurt. Anger towards myself for knowing truth so strongly when I see it and feel it, and yet, I choose to remain sitting quietly at the front of the classroom of life, putting my hand up to speak up only when I know that my answers will give me that grade A for compliance and will not ruffle any feathers.

What’s important here is that I know I am not alone in this experience. Someone close to me used to warn me that if I continue to speak without thinking twice first, I will most definitely end up in a marriage where I will get abused. This ‘warning’ came because they witnessed their mother get beaten on a daily basis exactly for the same reason.

But what I have found much worse is the attack we cast upon ourselves by holding back, by not saying the thing that is on the tip of our tongue, the thing that may cause a reaction of any sort in another but the exact same thing which may change one’s life or the life of many others. Forever.

We are afraid of speaking up because we all know what happens to the people who do: Rosa Parks got arrested, Martin Luther King got shot, Jesus was crucified and the loudest i.e. most outspoken child at school receives accolade of academic consequences, detentions and exclusions.

But perhaps it’s time to start considering what happens when we don’t speak up and the self-abusive behaviours this can often lead to, such as eating disorders as it may have happened in the case of Lady Diana, or the devastating depression which left Robin Williams feeling like the only way out was through taking his own life, or any of the other celebrities and people in general who develop drug and alcohol dependencies which can often lead to an overdose and another life lost.

It may be worth questioning whether any of these behaviours would even have a base to develop if we as a society were more honest and open to hearing and expressing what needs to be heard and or said.

After all, we can all feel truth, so why aren’t we all voicing it?

By Viktoria Stoykova, London, UK

Further Reading:
The importance of expressing truth
Truth – I Can Feel it in my Bones
Truth about Little White Lies

 

461 thoughts on “The Unspoken Voice of Truth

  1. Interesting you bring up the question what happens when we don’t express what is there? in my experience tensions can build and escalate, creating unnecessary dynamics and a build up of energy in my body that doesn’t belong there, that can manifest into health problems if I don’t express, also it can cause havoc in relationships leaving the base for them not coming from an honest place.

  2. You have raised a great point that whilst we love truth, at times we don’t like the exposure or what that truth asks of us. So a form of collusion happens where we tone down our truth bringing so we will be let off lightly as well.

    1. I guess that when we tone down our truth and begin the collusion to be let off from any reaction, we no longer speak truth. In this I recognise myself, but can convince myself that I was speaking truth to bring a comfort.

  3. When truth comes with love it can be heard, as the person who hears it can hear it without judgement. However if it comes with reaction, even if it is true, it no longer feels true and is much harder to hear.

  4. ‘…perhaps it’s time to start considering what happens when we don’t speak up and the self-abusive behaviours this can often lead to…’ The tension of not speaking truth is too great for our bodies to bear. And no wonder because it’s a power that is there for us all to let through to say no to anything that is harmful. Knowing truth is a wonderful part of who we are, without which our world would be a greater mess than it is. Trying to quash this can only be harmful to ourselves.

  5. If we hold back what is there to be said it stays in our body. You shared how you would go over and over the conversation wishing you had said this or that – well if you had just said it in the first place, a further conversation may have ensued but the situation would have been more complete. I find the moment I try to defend myself or convince another, it is time to walk away because I have a vested interest in the outcome. This is something I am constantly looking out for and aware of, because I have layers upon layers of not speaking up to work through.

  6. It can be such an ouch moment when we take on roles such as the good Smaritan when it is motivated by our need to feel good about ourselves or seeking recognition.

  7. Being exposed is very exposing and I am really interested to review my changing relationship with this; one that has come from artful sulking and fury to the beginnings of the understanding that it is from honest exposure of my beliefs, ideals, mistakes that I truly learn and develop.

  8. Recently I was having a conversation about that sulking that occurs when pulled up, that hold on us being ‘good and right’ is stronger than I feel I am currently aware of right at this moment. Makes me want to look at why and how do I hold onto and strive to be good and right and what is driving this.

  9. I agree we all feel the truth in our body, as it is our true nature. Our ability to express the truth depends on the depth of the relationship we build with ourselves and how honest we are willing to be, not to resist but surrender to it.

  10. ‘But perhaps it’s time to start considering what happens when we don’t speak up…’ The choice to stay hidden and silent has been a long held pattern of mine, wanting to avoid any ramifications for speaking up. Yet, in this, I have kept myself diminished and small at the cost to my vitality and well-being. If we do not speak up, then we create a world that none of us like but are stuck with… and in this the downward spiral escalates.

  11. I considered myself as a “good” person, doing the right thing, not rocking the boat or saying anything that would upset another, I have come to realise the dishonesty and the falseness in living like this, as I now open up to becoming honest with myself, I am able to stop the pandering and begin to speak the truth as I come to learn and live it in my body.

    1. I can very much relate to what you have said here Jill. Living the way you have just described builds up massive resentment and anger which we project at others, yet is really against ourselves for not expressing. So truly and lovingly expressing is like unleashing a beautiful fresh clear stream of water through our being and body to clear out the reaction we have built up.

  12. If we truly seek truth, expressing it will become less and less difficult. However, if we seek comfort, truth will become uncomfortable.

  13. It disturbs me how much I still modify, manipulate and manage truth to make it more palatable, acceptable and comfortable. I realise this is an avoidance of simply going to the nub of the way things are and working/living from there, pretence dropped and honesty building us back to truth and unity.

  14. A cartoon image of a person sitting on their unexpressed truths came to me, like what they are sitting on is bursting at the seams and really wanting to be expressed, and they are desperately trying to keep it all down. People are walking by, and the person is saying ‘nothing to see here, move along’ and then some person, like yourself, comes along and points out the truth, but as the person sitting on their stuff has spent so much time and energy keeping it down, pride and stubbornness get in the way of listening to what is presented. Until one truth really gets through and the person is actually relieved, as it takes so much effort to keep sitting on the truths (and the lies).

  15. Today the question was posed to me about being honest with myself first, before being honest with anybody else. In that, if I’m honest with myself about my choices, my thoughts, behaviours and in general why I do things, perhaps I will learn – I will see the things which aren’t loving and drop them. But in the dishonesty that I’m what society would call a good person, I remain blinded to all of the things which in truth harm the people around me.

  16. Speaking up for truth can be challenging, especially when we think we will be under attack but I am also aware that by remaining silent only adds to the mess the world is in and how harmful that is for ourselves and for others for it creates distress and disharmony within the body and everywhere. Being honest with ourselves has to be the first step we are willing to take and then by living this we will be on our way to seeing through the lies and corruption elsewhere and through our livingness reflect that we do not support this abuse to humanity or the environment.

  17. Speaking up can feel hard because of the force that silently and consistently says, ‘don’t you dare speak up and shake the status quo’. Even if it’s not personal exposure, the human spirit takes offence to any of its games being exposed for the lies they are. This doesn’t mean we should not speak up. The world has gotten to the mess it is in by people not speaking the truth.

  18. Because we are so accustomed to being nice and polite, do not rock the boat or want to appear opinionated it seems that we then hold back on speaking our truth due to what others may think of us. Then when others are outspoken with their truth, we recoil as if they have broken some unspoken law or rule.

  19. Children are a breath of fresh air when it comes to lies and truth. They call a spade a spade whereas we like to come up with all kinds of other names and justify why we have done so.

      1. It is so disarming because it comes with a purity. Our honesty often comes with some baggage.

      2. Yes Nikki and Matilda. I have been deeply touched by the young adults that I tutor, in terms of their honesty and openness. It is beautiful to be with, and highlights how the more ingrained we get in our ways to survive life rather than live the fullness of ourselves, the more tricky and polluted it gets.

  20. A few years ago, I was sitting at the table for a group of women that I knew to varying degrees. I was uncomfortable with how they were talking about someone and instead of voicing my truth, I played out an old pattern of not staying much and I retreated. This truth still sits in me waiting to be expressed even after these years. So I am reminded through reading this article that this unexpressed truth is taking up space in my body and creating disharmony in my body as our body prefers truth than dishonesty – no matter how small it is. And that is just one small example.

    1. Absolutely, it stays in the body and I find when you revisit it with the person you wished you had spoken about it to in the first place (if you do!!!) they are surprised it is still an issue with you! It is so much easier to just speak up at the time and give the space for the situation to complete.

  21. Generations of children, mostly women, raised to “be seen and not heard.” Don’t disrespect. Smile and nod. We’re reaping what’s been sown for centuries and maybe we’re finally reaching a tipping point.

  22. ‘Loud mouth’ is such a compliment Viktoria, if only the people who said it knew it. I would say that you were the true voice of that spirit group and there was a strong resistance to what you were presenting. No wonder you wanted to detour through those other patterns you mention in the blog – to protect yourself from such rejection.

  23. It’s funny, there is part of us that likes to pretend we don’t go to the toilet – that somehow ‘we’re above all this’. But we all do, and being more honest about this and likewise, the fact we all have issues is a much healthier approach. It’s real, grounded and there’s no judgement in it. After all the way the body processes our food and gets its nutrition is quite remarkable and without it we’d all be dead. Likewise the issues are not here to bring us down but show us what’s next to grow and evolve from. Makes you appreciate all aspects of life – thank you Viktoria.

  24. I adore speaking up. The completeness of expression is a gift in itself. Say it and it’s done. It does not entail how it’s been responded to. As what is said is for everyone had known by everyone so nothing more needs to be said.

  25. It feels like we have put layers upon layers upon layers over truth, so I feel before voicing it, we have to start to remove all the layers of what is not true .. see what is not true .. see the truth and this is where we will find our true voice .. no more denying, hiding or burying. For me Universal Medicine is an integral, essential and practical part of this process, for they are a true guiding light for and in the world.

  26. Truth requires us to be out of our comfort zone, and to not compromise or sell out for anything less than the 100%.

  27. The holding back because society demands it will one day come to its end if we all become aware of the fact that expression is everything and when we obstruct this natural way of being our bodies will suffer the consequences in one way or another. Either by the frustration or anger that this not speaking up is causing internally, or by the abuse that comes to us from people that react out of this, lets say, build up frustration that leads to make them do the atrocious acts they do.

  28. The more and more I explore my expression, I see that I am my own worst enemy because I hold back out of fear of a picture of what may happen, which not only puts pressure on my body and a heaviness too but also dishonours my connection to the all too. If we express without perfection, just with an open curiosity to share how we feel without a picture and or outcome, we begin to lay a new foundation for expression and begin to honour who we are in the process, making it a win/win on all fronts.

  29. Your experiences echo my own Viktoria. What I have done for a good deal of my life is shut down the truth by hiding it in my words by saying more than is needed to be said. It means that whilst the truth is still expressed, it is not received with the same reactions or results as could have been experienced if I had simply voiced the truth on its own. Cunning way to avoid the attack, but the result in my body is the contraction, exhaustion and lack of joy of not being able to express myself naturally.

    1. Exactly Joshua, may I say that we are masters in enshrouding the truth in the many ways we have learned ourselves to do this? And like you say, our bodies do suffer from this holding back or enshrouding the truth because that is the vehicle that only will flourish when it can express this truth that has come to it in full. Any restriction from our controlling mind will build tension in our body that in one way or another needs to be discarded, either by illness or disease or by giving it relief in the many atrocious acts we do see so many of in our societies today.

  30. Calculating how much truth we are willing to say or speak up for is a dangerous game… What happens when we get into a situation where we are torn between the ‘comfort’ of playing small and the knowing that what is happening around us is not true, abusive or needs to be called out?

  31. When I look back on everything I’ve ever done in my community, being on this or that committee, organising events, being ‘enthusiastic’ and ‘nice’ I have to consider what was my intention? Was I doing it because it was a service or was it for recognition. If I was on a committee I was usually chairing it, so what does that say about my need to control? I was good at it but it’s a sobering thought that the quality of the energy I was in at the time could have meant I was imposing and not serving. And that still applies to what I do today, I have to discern what is true or not.

  32. We are not living as we could be, that is for sure Viktoria. When I hear someone speaking out with truth, I am inspired and can feel the reactions of some people. The important thing is to not get pulled off track because of others but to live and express what we know is true.

  33. ‘But what I have found much worse is the attack we cast upon ourselves by holding back, by not saying the thing that is on the tip of our tongue, the thing that may cause a reaction of any sort in another but the exact same thing which may change one’s life or the life of many others. Forever.’ Absolutely Viktoria – it is like poison in our bodies. Speaking and expressing our truth frees us.

  34. Life is not a popularity contest, in contrast to popular belief. Life is an opportunity to express fully from the quality of essence that we are. No essence is greater or lesser than another, but the expression of that essence can be claimed or dulled. It is up to us to choose.

  35. The unspoken voice of truth lives inside us, until we feel ready to let it out. The body knows the game played, and waits for us to discover the trickster.

  36. I am deeply inspired by those who speak up and who are willing to speak the truth no matter the reaction from the person they are speaking to. The person who expresses gets the blessing of not holding back and the physical vitality that comes with this, and the person who is receiving the truth gets a blessing that might actually be life changing… it makes sense to speak up!

  37. “…so the ones who choose to comply with the lies can float through the shallow waters of life untouched and untroubled by the outside world.”- This is the trap of comfort that is on offer if we make life just about getting by and existing by controlling our lives to make sure there is no conflict, at the expense of what could have been the truth being expressed which could bring great healing and evolution to all.

    1. Agreed Michael. From my own experience knowing that fear of conflict, I have also experienced how healing it can be to actually express what I feel is there to be expressed, communicate and resolve. Deeply healing for all.

  38. ‘When exposed in my so called ‘good’ ways, I can often sulk for days thinking of all of the things I could have said in the conversation which could prove that I was right, that I am ‘good.’ I attack the person with my own thoughts like: “how dare they, this is my truth,” “they expect too much of me,” and so much more.’ I know just this Viktoria – It is galling for the spirit to be caught out running this movie. If we knew that what was said was untrue, we could simply and easily state, ‘That is not true’ and leave it there, but the atrial emotions have us boiling and broiling for days, unable to let go.

  39. An amazing sharing of the truth we all know and feel, but so often do not express, and how the tide of change is much needed to allow us to evolve purposefully.

  40. This is a beautiful sharing Viktoria and your final question is really quite amazing. Yes we all feel and know Truth very well and our collective silence is deafening. When a few raise their voices they can be attacked but if we all start speaking out, evil will have nowhere to hide.

  41. For a long time in my youth I questioned why my feeling/thinking abilities seem to be so disconnected with my verbal expression abilities. I am a master in feeling when compared to my very rudimentary ability to speak. It took almost 20 years to rebuild my writing and more recently my verbal skills to come back to not feel so fragmented. Feeling and expressing are partners, if they are divorced lots of problems happen.

    1. I love how you describe this disconnection of feeling and expressing truth Adele as being partners, and if they are not they are divorced. It is exactly that. When these two fundamental aspects of who we are are so fragmented, there is no flow and no harmony between what we feel and what we express, and therefore it is inevitable that complications will occur.

  42. I have recently been examining more closely what happens when I don’t express the truth and the consequences for me have been quite serious. My body naturally wants to express what is true and when I don’t it’s like stuffing down the truth, a truth that is meant to arise and be expressed, and that has meant problems sleeping and repeatedly going over things in my mind. The truth is still in there and I have stopped the natural flow which upsets the harmony in my body. What I am learning is that the expression of truth is good medicine for the body. When I track back to previous experiences that still bother me, even from years ago, it’s the same thing – I did not express a truth I felt.

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