The Unspoken Voice of Truth

Since I can remember, I have been known as the ‘loud mouth,’ the child that said the inappropriate things and the one who embarrassed adults in their white and black lies.

For example, I never believed in Santa. At the age of about 2 or 3 I told my mother that I knew she was Santa because her handwriting was on my Christmas card from the alleged white-bearded man – so obvious, isn’t it!? Roughly around a similar time, knowing that the nursery is going to ask my parents to buy our Christmas presents, I asked for the smallest and most modest (cheapest) toy I could think of because I didn’t want my mum and dad to spend money on my toys that I could sense we had no money for.

Looking back now at this quality I held as a child, I can see what a gift it could have been for my parents, teachers and everybody around. Over the last year or so, whilst living with a woman who does not back down in front of anything in the name of integrity, somebody who would literally (in her own words) “take a bullet for truth,” I have begun to reconnect to that same long lost ability. The ability all human beings share, but do not necessarily practice, to see between the lines and question out loud that which does not seem quite right.

However, I have definitely not been welcoming this with open arms and a ‘hallelujah.’ When I get pulled up it feels exposing. Where I originally come from there’s an expression: “you look like you’ve just stomped the spring onions,” which basically means, you look like you pooed your pants as we like to say in English.

But the feeling is so real. It’s like somebody has just found your dirty laundry and is putting it out for all the neighbours to see. And that’s exactly what is happening: our dirty secrets come out and we begin to realise that we may not be ‘The Good Samaritan’ that likes to help everybody. In fact we could be doing all of the altruistic deeds out of a need to be liked, approved of and recognised. So in truth, we are then more of a manipulative Samaritan – yep, hurts to admit.

When exposed in my so called ‘good’ ways, I can often sulk for days thinking of all of the things I could have said in the conversation which could prove that I was right, that I am ‘good.’ I attack the person with my own thoughts like: “how dare they,” “this is my truth,” “they expect too much of me,” and so much more. However, underneath all of this I have a knowing that what has been presented to me is truth and I cannot alter it, even if I tried.

So we have created a society where we actually encourage people to learn to calculate the most appropriate thing to say in order to keep everybody around ‘happy’ and ‘at peace.’ We make it even more difficult for others to express truth by confronting and attacking the ones who do hold onto the truth, so the ones who choose to comply with the lies can float through the shallow waters of life untouched and untroubled by the outside world.

This path of dishonesty for me has accumulated deep levels of frustration, anger and aggression that have literally made my bones hurt. Anger towards myself for knowing truth so strongly when I see it and feel it, and yet, I choose to remain sitting quietly at the front of the classroom of life, putting my hand up to speak up only when I know that my answers will give me that grade A for compliance and will not ruffle any feathers.

What’s important here is that I know I am not alone in this experience. Someone close to me used to warn me that if I continue to speak without thinking twice first, I will most definitely end up in a marriage where I will get abused. This ‘warning’ came because they witnessed their mother get beaten on a daily basis exactly for the same reason.

But what I have found much worse is the attack we cast upon ourselves by holding back, by not saying the thing that is on the tip of our tongue, the thing that may cause a reaction of any sort in another but the exact same thing which may change one’s life or the life of many others. Forever.

We are afraid of speaking up because we all know what happens to the people who do: Rosa Parks got arrested, Martin Luther King got shot, Jesus was crucified and the loudest i.e. most outspoken child at school receives accolade of academic consequences, detentions and exclusions.

But perhaps it’s time to start considering what happens when we don’t speak up and the self-abusive behaviours this can often lead to, such as eating disorders as it may have happened in the case of Lady Diana, or the devastating depression which left Robin Williams feeling like the only way out was through taking his own life, or any of the other celebrities and people in general who develop drug and alcohol dependencies which can often lead to an overdose and another life lost.

It may be worth questioning whether any of these behaviours would even have a base to develop if we as a society were more honest and open to hearing and expressing what needs to be heard and or said.

After all, we can all feel truth, so why aren’t we all voicing it?

By Viktoria Stoykova, London, UK

Further Reading:
The importance of expressing truth
Truth – I Can Feel it in my Bones
Truth about Little White Lies

 

490 thoughts on “The Unspoken Voice of Truth

  1. We are, so conditioned to be nice, polite, quiet and compliant to the lies that we grow up with feeling trapped in the belief that it is wrong to speak our truth, call things out and to be honest with others. Then when we are in situations, we find it difficult to speak up or confront others when we have something to say, with the fear or belief that we will be punished or not liked at least. Then when others are bold enough to break the code of silence, it is seen as rude and unforgivable. It’s not what and how something is said that is rude, it’s because it shakes us up out of our comfort and the lies we have subscribed to that we don’t like.

  2. We can indeed all feel truth, and its an interesting question to ask as to why we are so reluctant to voice it. Perhaps the answer lies within us an individuals, and we have to start with being much more honest with ourselves first. When we no longer find that we are lying to ourselves about our day to day choices, then there is nothing to get in the way of expressing how we feel about something thats going on around us.

  3. After all, we can all feel truth, so why aren’t we all voicing it?’ We can also feel that society is currently not very accepting of truth. No one I know actually says out loud that we are not allowed to express truth but we tend to hold back expressing truth for fear of being attacked. But hold backing expressing truth is harmful to us all and in my experience, it hurts us all. I have found when I fully express truth, and I’ve received attacks, they feel weak compared to the power of truth. So, what are we really afraid of?

  4. It’s so true. If we all can sense the truth and read the intention behind people’s expressions and movements, then why do we treat this like a secret?

  5. There is such that what we do in the world which is actually ‘manipulative samaritan’ badged as ‘good’, it’s about us and our gain or comfort, yet we allow good in the world and often vilify truth … but the truth is we always feel truth no matter what and eventually our bodies show that truth, so why not give them a head start and speak it.

  6. We have bought into being ‘nice’ and in that, we don’t want to hear the truth.
    This is a clear case of this – we don’t want to hear the reality of life – ie Santa is not real – when this is the black and white facts.

  7. Breaking through our fear and reticence to speak up will mean that we can build societies based on honesty and a willingness to see and voice what is really going on… and this will be the beginning.

  8. Great blog Viktoria exposing how we manipulate the truth for our own gain so that we can be liked or receive recognition and therefore choosing not to see what is truly going on. I love your example of the dirty washing hung out for all to see exposing where we really are, it is something we don’t like and react to in many different ways, none of which allows us to feel or accept the truth and allows the lies to go unheeded.

  9. When we hold back what we can feel because we’ve numbed ourselves to it and so it’s not at the tip of our tongue but buried under the layers of protection, first we have to reconnect to our body so we are consciously aware of what we’re feeling, and how it feels to feel those feelings. From there we have the knowing of how to respond and the words to say it, and the more we do, the more we re-establish a confidence in what we can feel and how to express it. What is crazy is that we have to re-learn how to express the truth- something that is so natural to us, but that many of us have abandoned in favour of social niceties, politeness etc to get through life and manage it. But this way of being doesn’t evolve us because it doesn’t ask us to be all of who we truly are. And where’s the joy in being less?

  10. When we are dishonest with ourselves we prevent so much, not only for ourselves but for others too who may be able to learn from us. We therefore have a responsibility to be honest.

  11. I seem to keep coming back to this blog over and over, and every time it offers another level of wisdom for me to consider. – “In fact we could be doing all of the altruistic deeds out of a need to be liked, approved of and recognised.” – In truth, I now can see that if there is even the tiniest smidgeon of self-centred need for recognition, acceptance, or even an investment in a certain outcome, there is no truth or altruism in that kind of act, and it is actually more harming than good. When I pondered on many kind acts that I thought I have done in the past, many of them were actually done in a way that would benefit myself in some way- OUCH!

  12. “…so the ones who choose to comply with the lies can float through the shallow waters of life untouched and untroubled by the outside world.” – Not only do the ones that go along with the lies float untouched, they actually many times get promoted to higher levels of management and power in many businesses, as they are the ones that may be doing whatever is necessary (including the abuse of other people or corrupt and illegal means to get their way) to make the big bucks for their company at the expense of and without consideration of the complete effects of their actions on other people. Calling this behaviour out is therefore paramount to stopping it, no matter if you are then targeted by the same corrupt actions.

  13. Reading his today is really confirming that when I feel and see the truth clearly it’s actually supportive for everyone for me to say it, even if there are reactions.

  14. Viktoria, I can so relate to this; ‘worse is the attack we cast upon ourselves by holding back, by not saying the thing that is on the tip of our tongue, the thing that may cause a reaction of any sort in another but the exact same thing which may change one’s life or the life of many others. Forever.’ Reading this I can feel how there are times when there is something that needs to be said and that the holding back on saying it feels awful, but it is then made even worse when we beat ourselves up for this. I had this experience to day and reading this cuts the self-criticism and changes my experience into a learning.

    1. That’s great to read Rebecca, I often notice that when I go to comment or reply to comments I always have a nagging voice in my head calculating whether my comment is good enough, or whether it would be good enough in the eyes of certain people. This plays out in many different ways, in the way I dress sometimes, in the way I am at work, at home etc. etc.The funny thing is, these people have nothing to do with the judgement we’ve created for ourselves, these thoughts are completely created by our insecurities and we use other people to mask that up.

  15. I love that you told your mum at age 2/3 that you knew Santa was not true, that’s hilarious, as children we are so wise, we all know truth – can you imagine how different our society would be if we only allowed for this level of knowing to be truly fostered.

    1. Yes, I often ask myself – what would happen if we encouraged children to be honest rather than to be good.

  16. We are designed to express all of the time so if we hold back we are saying no to the fullness of who we are by divine right.

  17. Internal self criticism is possibly one of the greatest demonisations of our current era. One that is false in every way, because without exception we are all equally love within.

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