Since I can remember, I have been known as the ‘loud mouth,’ the child that said the inappropriate things and the one who embarrassed adults in their white and black lies.
For example, I never believed in Santa. At the age of about 2 or 3 I told my mother that I knew she was Santa because her handwriting was on my Christmas card from the alleged white-bearded man – so obvious, isn’t it!? Roughly around a similar time, knowing that the nursery is going to ask my parents to buy our Christmas presents, I asked for the smallest and most modest (cheapest) toy I could think of because I didn’t want my mum and dad to spend money on my toys that I could sense we had no money for.
Looking back now at this quality I held as a child, I can see what a gift it could have been for my parents, teachers and everybody around. Over the last year or so, whilst living with a woman who does not back down in front of anything in the name of integrity, somebody who would literally (in her own words) “take a bullet for truth,” I have begun to reconnect to that same long lost ability. The ability all human beings share, but do not necessarily practice, to see between the lines and question out loud that which does not seem quite right.
However, I have definitely not been welcoming this with open arms and a ‘hallelujah.’ When I get pulled up it feels exposing. Where I originally come from there’s an expression: “you look like you’ve just stomped the spring onions,” which basically means, you look like you pooed your pants as we like to say in English.
But the feeling is so real. It’s like somebody has just found your dirty laundry and is putting it out for all the neighbours to see. And that’s exactly what is happening: our dirty secrets come out and we begin to realise that we may not be ‘The Good Samaritan’ that likes to help everybody. In fact we could be doing all of the altruistic deeds out of a need to be liked, approved of and recognised. So in truth, we are then more of a manipulative Samaritan – yep, hurts to admit.
When exposed in my so called ‘good’ ways, I can often sulk for days thinking of all of the things I could have said in the conversation which could prove that I was right, that I am ‘good.’ I attack the person with my own thoughts like: “how dare they,” “this is my truth,” “they expect too much of me,” and so much more. However, underneath all of this I have a knowing that what has been presented to me is truth and I cannot alter it, even if I tried.
So we have created a society where we actually encourage people to learn to calculate the most appropriate thing to say in order to keep everybody around ‘happy’ and ‘at peace.’ We make it even more difficult for others to express truth by confronting and attacking the ones who do hold onto the truth, so the ones who choose to comply with the lies can float through the shallow waters of life untouched and untroubled by the outside world.
This path of dishonesty for me has accumulated deep levels of frustration, anger and aggression that have literally made my bones hurt. Anger towards myself for knowing truth so strongly when I see it and feel it, and yet, I choose to remain sitting quietly at the front of the classroom of life, putting my hand up to speak up only when I know that my answers will give me that grade A for compliance and will not ruffle any feathers.
What’s important here is that I know I am not alone in this experience. Someone close to me used to warn me that if I continue to speak without thinking twice first, I will most definitely end up in a marriage where I will get abused. This ‘warning’ came because they witnessed their mother get beaten on a daily basis exactly for the same reason.
But what I have found much worse is the attack we cast upon ourselves by holding back, by not saying the thing that is on the tip of our tongue, the thing that may cause a reaction of any sort in another but the exact same thing which may change one’s life or the life of many others. Forever.
We are afraid of speaking up because we all know what happens to the people who do: Rosa Parks got arrested, Martin Luther King got shot, Jesus was crucified and the loudest i.e. most outspoken child at school receives accolade of academic consequences, detentions and exclusions.
But perhaps it’s time to start considering what happens when we don’t speak up and the self-abusive behaviours this can often lead to, such as eating disorders as it may have happened in the case of Lady Diana, or the devastating depression which left Robin Williams feeling like the only way out was through taking his own life, or any of the other celebrities and people in general who develop drug and alcohol dependencies which can often lead to an overdose and another life lost.
It may be worth questioning whether any of these behaviours would even have a base to develop if we as a society were more honest and open to hearing and expressing what needs to be heard and or said.
After all, we can all feel truth, so why aren’t we all voicing it?
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
The importance of expressing truth
Truth – I Can Feel it in my Bones
Truth about Little White Lies
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
I got into so much trouble when I was a child and I couldn’t understand why and then I read these lines of your blog, ‘the child that said the inappropriate things and the one who embarrassed adults in their white and black lies’. I was quite outspoken as a child, the canary in the household that exposed the lies and the falsehood of ‘family’ so no wonder I was always in hot water with my family. With greater understanding and awareness it is possible to look at ‘family’ life and see that it is a complete lie that we have all fallen for the idea that blood is thicker then water, true family I have discovered is based on a vibration and not on blood.
We may not speak the Truth out of fear of being attacked by another yet if we do not, we attack ourselves.
The fact you were told that you were likely to be beaten in your marriage for speaking what another doesn’t want to hear says it all really!
We do make it difficult for others to express truth by confronting them, or sometimes, in my case speaking in a language that is not my first language. I find it very interesting the ways in which we seek to avoid truth and love because of our hurts, beliefs or agenda.
There is no doubt, that sometimes the truth of a situation is the last thing we want to hear, and we will do anything to avoid hearing it. The reality of the avoidance, is that it is actually a futile choice, as the truth has a way of staying parked right in front of us, until we acknowledge it, even if that takes a while. I have learned that the bigger the squirm when the truth is presented to me, the bigger the ‘voice of truth’ that is waiting to be heard, and that the quicker I choose to hear it, the quicker I can get on with living my life, with the lesson supporting me along the way.
It is always such a blessing when truth is presented regardless the outcome and regardless as to whether it is appreciated or not. Truth is love whether we like it or not.
Our investment in not rocking the boat, for me at least, was ingrained at an early age. It’s so disrespectful for all concerned. It’s a judgement that another cannot ‘handle the truth’. They may well react but if they can’t handle a truth, further down the line they’re going to have to handle a far greater consequence. I’d much rather feel the discomfort of being exposed and take the lesson there and then – often I don’t, but the consequences build up and I reap what I’ve sown latter on when it’s bigger.
That is an expression that is often used when someone cannot handle the truth, so as you say Karin, we water down, or do not express what is needed in order to not rock the boat. When really it’s just an excuse for people not to take on responsibility for their life and how they are living it.
Yes, it is an assessment we make based on keeping ourselves safe but it doesn’t benefit anyone because if we do not speak up we have unexpressed words that just burn away inside.
“We are afraid of speaking up because we all know what happens to the people who do”. Or perhaps we were killed in a past life for speaking up. However its unlikely that will happen today – at least in the Western world. I am finding learning to express my opinion – initially one to one – then in small groups supports me to speak out in larger ones too,
I hadn’t considered that holding back is actually an attack we cast upon ourselves – this is something definitely worth pondering on.
For when we attach our own hurt to another’s hurt, it perpetuates the cycle and feeds the mess all the more. Well said Shushila.
Yes very true, hurt feeds hurt and so the cycle goes on.
To speak freely comes with responsibility. Speaking up is not about blurting everything out and dumping. It is about feeling the bigger picture, the impact of our behaviours and speaking from a strong foundation of love and care for ourselves and each other… all of us.
What I am finding is that the more I appreciate and accept myself, the more natural it feels to just express. Truth is Our Way, just as Love is. It does bring about dis-ease when held back, but ‘truth’ expressed without love is just as ugly. There does not have to be another ideal.
When we let fear run us, it can feel like an invisible brick is stuck in your throat stopping us from expressing the truth.
The consequence of the unspoken voice of truth is the state of the world today.
So true Brigette, and we are living in a world that is predominately run by fear hence the truth is often suppressed.
Astute and inspiring to read the frankness and beautifully simple honest language that is alive and well in your expression. I love how you write and how you view the world. When more of us speak what we feel is true, rather than right, the world would be a whole lot more healthy and much more joyful, something that you are clearly leading the way in…. We get low and feel small when we hide what we really feel and know.
Considering this a bit further I wonder what it must be like to have a compulsion to speak truth and not be valued. I wonder if, because they know they are speaking truth they then go into a drive to get themselves heard which tips it into a dis-order rather than the simple order they were trying to express. I just wonder from observing and considering.
Lucy from experience I can say that when you have a compulsion speak the truth, well, actually it isn’t even a compulsion the truth is just there to be expressed it’s a flow. When what is said is not valued but ridiculed instead then in my case as a child I withdrew and shut down my expression and instead became compliant.
I have to say that I now LOVE the honesty that comes from children and teenagers. It is raw and honest and I cannot help but consider that it can be so challenging for some that they feel there is something wrong with people who have a deep connection to truth and therefore give it a label. Once there is a label we feel the need to develop a medication to mediate the behaviour.
The world as we have it today is a consequence of people not speaking up and therefore letting things slide that we never should have.
There is a brilliant poster at work that says, ‘The standard we walk past is the standard we accept’. This inspires me.
It’s a strange belief isn’t it that the truth is impolite? There seems to be this mass collision towards maintaining the status quo and comfort, instead of honestly exposing what’s not true in life and making steps towards living from that truth.
When we welcome the truth it is Actually very refreshing. Perhaps there is an opportunity for us to embrace this way of being with each other. Scrap the nice and say yes to truth
I have specialised in complying and not ruffling feathers in certain aspects of my life….it brings a certain status quo that could also be described as a beige living hell, stuck in a rut etc….. It is a loving work in progress to bring more truth and more of me to life and all that I do.
Before we may stop voicing our truth we already have stopped living that truth, ie. simply embodying and emanating it by our sheer presence. Voicing it when in or after a reaction is still valuable but less powerful and truthful and part of the learning process to not reduce it or hold back on presenting it.
When we actively hold back, not saying the thing that is on the tip of our tongue, we are denying any growth or learning for everyone involved, by having judged the situation from an individual standpoint as being safe/worthy/relevant to contribute what it is that we’ve felt.
This is a great question; ‘After all, we can all feel truth, so why aren’t we all voicing it?’ I know for me in the past I didn’t want to ‘rock the boat’ and wanted everything to be ‘nice’, but this never felt true and meant I lived with frustration and a lack of confidence for not saying what needed to be said. This has changed now as I have learnt how important it is to express what I feel.
I love this; ‘The ability all human beings share, but do not necessarily practice, to see between the lines and question out loud that which does not seem quite right.’ I have been doing this recently and it actually feels very natural to question things as children do. I love questioning not out of judgement but out of observation.
Great quote and observation, and I would say everyday most of us have this niggle regularly, if not all the time, that something’s just is not quite right…a tension…..denying our truth and what we know and feel is true, is a learnt habit…and something that we can indeed undo and so rectify with a truly earnest, inquisitive questioning observation of the crazy nonsensical behaviours and occurrences that happen everyday. And when we chose this, we truly get to start changing things.
Voicing not always means speaking although very often it is required to nominate what needs to be expressed and to be heard unambiguously, nevertheless there are situations where voicing may not be possible or serving the purpose, then we still can ‘voice’ truth with our body in posture, movement, the way we look at people and an emanating quality of presence. Never do we not express with the whole of our body with all its means to do so; the only question is do we express truth or less than truth.
True Alex, we cannot avoid communicating or expressing – it is simply impossible.
Brilliant Alexander, what you’ve shared is very powerful, and once we understand we communicate through our movements, then words can no longer mask the truth.
When we have abandoned truth the next ‘good’ thing is being good and doing the right thing. That sells well in a world void of truth, but has no buyers where truth is the standard.
I am learning the more I express truth the easier it becomes. I used to worry about what others would think of me, but now I can feel the responsibility we have to not hold back and to express. I had to be honest with myself and see where I was hiding as I still wanted to be ‘liked’, but now I can feel a life lived with truth is more rewarding than being so called ‘liked’, which is usually only because you are not upsetting the norm.
A life lived where you don’t express how you feel is draining and disempowering. We might think we’re protecting ourselves when we don’t speak up and say what is there to be said, and it’s not about going around justifying, proving or setting the world to rights, but staying open and honest about what we feel- first to ourselves, and then moving and expressing from there.
The consequences of holding back are far worse. They are much more insidious and slow to boil, but have long lasting consequences. Look at the Middle East for example. This was an area that was once the enlightened area of the world during the Middle Ages, when Europe and the UK were not. Looking at the violence and repression in that area now, what happened there? None of this happened overnight, this happened slowly over time, simply through people holding back and not expressing truth or people sweeping things under the carpet. We need to look very closely at where we all become complacent and where we have the “I can’t really be bothered” approach, for this is where things can change and what we don’t want to take advantage.
It is absurd and absolutely ridiculous how we as a society think we can lie to our kids by making up a story about Santa Claus! Every child knows there is no such thing as Father Christmas so who are we trying to fool? – ourselves?! It is an extremely selfish way of being that we carry out Santa Claus because of our hurts, issues and beliefs.
Yes, we do all feel the truth and the more we honor what we feel is true the more we are liberated from the stranglehold of the lies that keep us muted and enslaved by its reductionism. When we walk with truth we walk with the might of God, and regardless of what may come our way, emotionally, physically or otherwise, the truth is nothing can touch or diminish the might of our Soul and its reflection of truth.