Family Defined by Quality

The word family can mean a lot of different things to different people all over the world. Within all of these meanings, there is one thread of ‘togetherness’ or people ‘sticking together.’ However, there seems to be a range of definitions that describes this ‘togetherness’ and keeps people who call themselves family together.

These definitions of togetherness are often identified by the behaviours, patterns, beliefs and ideals within family groups that we continue to play out and express with each other, many of which may not be good or true for us and our wellbeing.

We can often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers, let alone justify. Yet we tend to let these slip through for ‘family,’ simply because we have been born into that group or there is a familiarity and a comfort.

If this is the case, then it means that family – something that should be only about love – can become something that is not loving and can actually be harming and abusive. And abuse here is anything less than the deep love we know within our heart, the grandness we are all from. But what makes us accept these tendrils of untruth? What part do we each play in this?

We do know from deep within our body, from the things that hurt us, that certain behaviours, patterns and so on do not belong with who we truly are. Through accepting what does not feel true, not changing, not speaking up and expressing, not living our fullness, we continue our part in the ill way, keeping ourselves and those around us – those we say we love – less than the greatness we all truly are.

Let’s come from a different angle. What if we only defined family by quality, a knowing of a true quality, which then guided us to consider behaviours and ways of being, saying, Yes, that belongs” or No, that does not belong”?  Our inner marker would then be our guide, no matter whether someone was biologically related to us, if they were a long-term friend or if they were just someone quite new in our lives.

This quality would support us to be with ourselves and others in a way that comes from true decency and respect. It would not allow us to be or accept anything less than this. From this place of our inner-knowing, we would be able to clearly see patterns and behaviours that are not part of our inner essence and yet still continue to hold everyone in love, knowing we are all equal within our hearts and essence.  

It starts with our living a quality that we feel to be true, honouring and cherishing of ourselves. This lived quality then feeds us back, leaving us unimposing, not putting conditions or expectations on others to supply us with a love we want but are not giving ourselves first.

Love needs not, it just is – an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony. Wow… now that’s a marker to live from!

If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self. Love starts with knowing our inner-most and its quality – then letting that be our gauge for how we treat ourselves, how we are with others, how we move and walk through life in all that we do… And from here, our love deep within becomes our marker of what true family means.

I have found that this true quality of Love in our lives can become our marker of family… breaking down the false consciousness of family being limited to blood relatives.

With our willingness to embrace our love from within, we can be guided by our inner knowing and connection. From here it is easy to see, feel and know that anyone can be family.

Defining Family and Love by quality is a life-changer on a global scale.

By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Graduate Certificate of Early Childhood, Studying Diploma of Counseling, Esoteric Complementary Health Practitioner, Woman, Teacher, Mother, Wife and Friend

Further Reading:
True Family
Family Love
A true family model for the 21st century

510 thoughts on “Family Defined by Quality

  1. Is it our need to belong unconditionally, knowing that no-one can change the fact that we are part of a ‘blood’ family, explain why we hold onto the very traditionally loaded and narrow meaning of the word family? If we choose to see every interaction being about relationship then we are free to choose how we will be in that relationship and what we are willing to accept from another in that relationship. This opens every interaction up to love first without the ‘conditional’ ties we load onto the term ‘family’

  2. Unpacking and debasing what the word family means and why. In truth family is all of us, every single one of us in the world. That’s family.

  3. When we connect to the love that lives within we also come to know again that we are all one and interconnected, so family in the traditional definition then makes no sense anymore but can bee seen from a perspective that is true and honouring to our being.

  4. We have defined family through blood lines, genetic transmission, behavioural patterns and the outer look and feel ourselves connected by that. But this is only the body that we are taking into account in this equation end not the divine being that brings life to it.

  5. There are many things that keep us separated, like the obvious religion, race, and culture so I wonder how long it will take us to figure out that while we have these things we cannot reunite as one global family. Sure we have pockets of true family here and there but won’t it be grand when these pockets grow till they all merge and we are one again.

    1. Great question Kevin. Maybe better to say how long will we be able to keep ourselves blind for the obvious, the truth that already lives within and where we know what true family is.

  6. It is so true anyone can be family. But we have to start from blood family in Living what is true foundation in what a family is. This is something that in my culture it is ignored, but if there is no truth and love in blood family, this cannot be extended outside of family.

  7. In truth even though we may all have different ideals, beliefs and values we are One Family and United, it is just we currently do not live this way but I have experienced and still experience how this can be and it is incredibly beautiful ✨

  8. At the end of the day they are all relationships. Even though at present we may treat some relationships differently because of the nature of the relationship, however every relationship we have (no matter the prominence) will teach us about every other relationship. The more open we are to this, with the foundations of decency and respect the more we see that every relationship matters.

  9. Letting things ‘slide’ to keep the peace is a corruption of our true nature – it’s this ‘quietness’ that allows evil to grow. There is no small as far as abuse goes, it’s either Love or it is not as history shows. Thank you Johanna.

  10. Could it be the word family would be better depicted if it was considered to be just part of what is considered to be true relationship, therefore inclusive of everyone as being the same.

  11. Family, friends, and colleagues – we need to define them all by their quality and not just empty titles. My colleagues at work for example are just as much my family as my blood family. It is just that we have different roles.

  12. When we just even question is that love, or is that not love, we have the answers to why things are the way they are and why relationships are like they are. We get excited by film stars and pop singers and artists, and some think it would be amazing to be friends with them or even to be in their family… but do we ever stop to feel and question how are they living? is that someone I would welcome into my home?

  13. “Yes, that belongs” or “No, that does not belong” – These are great questions and check-ins that we can apply to all of our relationships. Those amazing conversations and incredible days you spend with people that just seem to flow should be the ONLY quality that belongs, whereas the ‘normal’ small talk and stand-offish behaviours should be replaced if this is what makes up the foundation of any of our relationships.

  14. “What if we only defined family by quality, a knowing of a true quality, which then guided us to consider behaviours and ways of being, saying, “Yes, that belongs” or “No, that does not belong”? Our inner marker would then be our guide,” to be able to speak the truth and be able to say what does or does not belong to this truth brings a quality of true family relations.

  15. Humanity is one family. Not in an idealistic sense but in the sense that we come from the same fold – meaning that we are here together to help each other not be here because as much as we may not like to admit it, the existence we have carved for ourselves here on planet Earth is not it. We belong to a majesty far greater and it is this greatness that we are each returning to. During such a return, we constellate many people around us that help to reflect that which we need to work on in order to arise out of this mess by committing to the humanness of temporal life in full. This is what true family is. Together we get there, back to where we belong.

  16. Johanna, thank you for putting this out.
    My reaction in me while reading is ‘ can I do so’ am I allowed to do so. Choose my family by the quality people live, instead of the biological connection.
    Like I studied with Serge Benhayon, all is energy first. This then naturally shows also that we are allowing to choose first from the quality of energy lived by people. The energetic integrity lived.
    This feels such a freedom in my body and clearly some more breaking free from old conditions.
    It feels like an obligation left to look at some feelings.

  17. When we define family by it is no longer about the blood but about the relationships we have – it is about us discerning why people are in our lives and what the potential is – and this then starts to build true quality and true family.

  18. Blood family is just another one of the fatal lies we have fallen for to keep us from knowing and feeling we are all equally connected no matter what part of the cosmos we are from.

  19. “Defining Family and Love by quality is a life-changer on a global scale.” Yes so true how we define and accept the ideals and beliefs around family is not working, but to be able to change our understanding, we first need to know what true love is, because it is the emotional and needy love that comes from our own lack of self love, along with a sense of duty that is ingrained in us that keeps us held and bound by what we perceive as family but in truth is not

  20. It would seem a huge leap from ‘family’ to the acceptance of a one worldwide humanity family, yet if we feel that love we are inside and know that we are all that love inside, there is no leap at all, simply an opening to all others in love.

  21. It is time we looked at the bigger picture than the confines of seeing the ‘family’ as only blood related or maybe allowing a few close friends into our family. We are all a part of the one humanity that makes up the human race and to begin by stopping judgment or comparison with each other because they may look or do things differently, is the first step to accepting all as our equals and to begin to live in harmony with each other. “With our willingness to embrace our love from within, we can be guided by our inner knowing and connection. From here it is easy to see, feel and know that anyone can be family.”

  22. Having a marker for this quality can be very supportive. One way that brings me back in touch with a deeper quality in myself is when practising Esoteric Yoga and Esoteric connective Tissue. These modalities in combination build a wholeness and a fullness that allows the body to energetically continue to expand.

  23. We seem to have re-interpreted togetherness to mean exclusiveness and compromise. We are part of a huge family called humanity, which I don’t think anyone would argue against the fact that we are in deep trouble. We need to re-awaken this knowing of our whole family, to bring us back to a true way of being in relationship with ourselves and each other.

  24. It was lovely to read this blog as it brought back to my conscious fore that it’s not about reacting to the unloving ways I or another I’d consider ‘family’ may do, but to come back to the connection to love within me and give that to myself first. Otherwise getting bent out of shape over actions, without taking the step back to address the quality of the actions, is running around in circles going nowhere.

  25. ” With our willingness to embrace our love from within, we can be guided by our inner knowing and connection. ”
    Yes, the will to embrace the love that we are and to live that love so all will know we are all from the same source.

  26. I always remember having a strong sense that we are all equal, yes we may look different and sound different to one another, but underneath all of that there is a common thread among us all.

  27. At the end of the day every single member of humanity is our family. We can have the deepest and the most profound loving and expansive relationship with literally anyone on the planet. In fact we are all inherently connected and one, not only to all others, but also to God and the whole of the Universe. Focusing our care and attention on just one, two or a handful and considering them as family while the rest are seen as strangers, is one of the most misguided and divisive choices we have made our normal for far too long.

  28. Johanna, reading this I can feel that this is a true way for us to be with each other, whether blood related or not; ‘This quality would support us to be with ourselves and others in a way that comes from true decency and respect’.

  29. Love needs not, it just is–an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony. What a world we would live in if we all understood and lived this, then we would all know what true family really is.

  30. Very true : “With our willingness to embrace our love from within, we can be guided by our inner knowing and connection. From here it is easy to see, feel and know that anyone can be family.”
    From here we can embrace life, from this connection we can heal all separation created.

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