490 thoughts on “Family Defined by Quality”

1. I love that this is talking about our quality of relationships and not just some we have in our life but all of them. How we are in all our interactions with people.

2. It says a lot that the family setting is a place where a lot of abuse plays out either in child abuse, sexual abuse or marital abuse, if it is not the place where abuse is the most. It shows the way we currently approach family is not it and that there is another way to go about it. And this starts with addressing the littlest lack of respect or decency, that now often is seen as normal, because this is the start of the more extreme abuse.

3. True family accepts people for who they are, warts and all, and not what they do. This is not always the case when it comes to ‘blood family’.

4. I claim the love for family with everyone around me and it’s not accepted, neither by my blood family, nor non blood family which goes to show it is not blood that defines family but it is love.

5. We might use the word family to describe those that we live with, but I enjoy exploring the embracing quality of the word and realising that what we share with those we live with is what we then take out and about into the world or welcome people into our homes with.

6. It’s a great quote from the blog Alison alongside your comment. Family can also cause us to believe they are the only people we love, instead of love being a quality we each equally are and can share equally with all.

7. Beautiful to read this again and understand more deeply the quality of love within is what determines what we know is true or not, to understand what belongs and what does not, and how speaking up and supporting others with the truth offers them an opportunity to reconnect to their own love.

8. Making everything about quality of energy first is a game changer and breaks our ideas around what is acceptable, setting an equal standard no matter who we’re relating to, family by blood or not.

9. The fact that we all are Souls first, here to return and learn to live love on earth, is as you have shared the real foundation of what true family is and is about, including us all together as family. To support each other to heal, be inspired to learn how to live the quality of who we are in essence, the love we are, is how we can truly evolve together. When we learn what is on offer to explore through the families we have been constellated in, we realise that this is not different to any relationship that has constellated for us to be part of. All offer us the opportunity to evolve, equally so.

10. Absolutely a life changer, as it is bringing truth in areas where evil dwells (lack of truth is).
    Powerful message I can fully recognize: ‘..breaking down the false consciousness of family being limited to blood relatives.’
    As the false consciousness holds us away from the truth (reality) and when invested in, we actually dishonor our true family that we have by quality(love).

11. Love in a family is not what we have been lead to believe by solely being blood related or extended family through marriage. I have always felt that family is open to all, that I am willing to be with open and transparent whether it be at work, or friends, or blood family… it is anyone that I have a relationship with and we express the love that we are no matter what. This is key and the foundation to true brotherhood and love.

12. Family defined by quality and that quality being love, a love that is willing to stand up and say no to what is not love, then we would have a very different world from the one we live in at present.

    1. A fuller definition of family that has us working together, taking care and supporting each other on the way in life.

       1. Yes agreed Matilda and opens up the word ‘family’ to be so much more than what we have restricted the word to mean and breaks the hold on it being just about a few people close to us

13. Wow how amazing it would be if we were to fly somewhere and get out of the plane and see everyone as family, how amazing would it be if we walked down the street in our local area and everyone saw us as family, what about we made a call to call centre and the relationship was one that said “you are part of my family” Life could so easily be transformed if we all lived the true family that we know is inside us.

    1. Beautiful Sam we would essentially be living love together in true brotherhood.

14. I have often asked people who they have been hurt by the most in their lives and without exception they have answered “family”. This always opens up a great conversation as to why and the answer to this is usually – ‘it is because we think we have to put up with destructive behaviours as that’s what’s expected of us in our family’. No wonder families seem to stay stuck in old patterns and in a lot of tension, but it doesn’t have to stay that way, all we need to do is start to claim what is acceptable and what is not.

15. When we define family by quality then it is easy to see that family is much more than our blood family.

16. Is it our need to belong unconditionally, knowing that no-one can change the fact that we are part of a ‘blood’ family, explain why we hold onto the very traditionally loaded and narrow meaning of the word family? If we choose to see every interaction being about relationship then we are free to choose how we will be in that relationship and what we are willing to accept from another in that relationship. This opens every interaction up to love first without the ‘conditional’ ties we load onto the term ‘family’

17. Lovely post

18. Unpacking and debasing what the word family means and why. In truth family is all of us, every single one of us in the world. That’s family.

19. When we connect to the love that lives within we also come to know again that we are all one and interconnected, so family in the traditional definition then makes no sense anymore but can bee seen from a perspective that is true and honouring to our being.

20. We have defined family through blood lines, genetic transmission, behavioural patterns and the outer look and feel ourselves connected by that. But this is only the body that we are taking into account in this equation end not the divine being that brings life to it.

21. There are many things that keep us separated, like the obvious religion, race, and culture so I wonder how long it will take us to figure out that while we have these things we cannot reunite as one global family. Sure we have pockets of true family here and there but won’t it be grand when these pockets grow till they all merge and we are one again.

    1. Great question Kevin. Maybe better to say how long will we be able to keep ourselves blind for the obvious, the truth that already lives within and where we know what true family is.

22. It is so true anyone can be family. But we have to start from blood family in Living what is true foundation in what a family is. This is something that in my culture it is ignored, but if there is no truth and love in blood family, this cannot be extended outside of family.

23. In truth even though we may all have different ideals, beliefs and values we are One Family and United, it is just we currently do not live this way but I have experienced and still experience how this can be and it is incredibly beautiful ✨

24. At the end of the day they are all relationships. Even though at present we may treat some relationships differently because of the nature of the relationship, however every relationship we have (no matter the prominence) will teach us about every other relationship. The more open we are to this, with the foundations of decency and respect the more we see that every relationship matters.

25. Letting things ‘slide’ to keep the peace is a corruption of our true nature – it’s this ‘quietness’ that allows evil to grow. There is no small as far as abuse goes, it’s either Love or it is not as history shows. Thank you Johanna.

26. Could it be the word family would be better depicted if it was considered to be just part of what is considered to be true relationship, therefore inclusive of everyone as being the same.

27. Family, friends, and colleagues – we need to define them all by their quality and not just empty titles. My colleagues at work for example are just as much my family as my blood family. It is just that we have different roles.

28. When we just even question is that love, or is that not love, we have the answers to why things are the way they are and why relationships are like they are. We get excited by film stars and pop singers and artists, and some think it would be amazing to be friends with them or even to be in their family… but do we ever stop to feel and question how are they living? is that someone I would welcome into my home?

29. “Yes, that belongs” or “No, that does not belong” – These are great questions and check-ins that we can apply to all of our relationships. Those amazing conversations and incredible days you spend with people that just seem to flow should be the ONLY quality that belongs, whereas the ‘normal’ small talk and stand-offish behaviours should be replaced if this is what makes up the foundation of any of our relationships.

30. “What if we only defined family by quality, a knowing of a true quality, which then guided us to consider behaviours and ways of being, saying, “Yes, that belongs” or “No, that does not belong”? Our inner marker would then be our guide,” to be able to speak the truth and be able to say what does or does not belong to this truth brings a quality of true family relations.

31. Humanity is one family. Not in an idealistic sense but in the sense that we come from the same fold – meaning that we are here together to help each other not be here because as much as we may not like to admit it, the existence we have carved for ourselves here on planet Earth is not it. We belong to a majesty far greater and it is this greatness that we are each returning to. During such a return, we constellate many people around us that help to reflect that which we need to work on in order to arise out of this mess by committing to the humanness of temporal life in full. This is what true family is. Together we get there, back to where we belong.

32. We have tried to create a super species in our human taxonomy family of Hominidae by calling them blood, but we are all the same so the illusion of blood family is just something we created to cause separation. It is like not liking your right hand. We will always be one family, except in our minds if we choose.

33. Thank you Johanna, for it is in your heart where you feel God and everybody else, how can just a group or select view be your family if this is so purely known and felt?

34. When we define family by it is no longer about the blood but about the relationships we have – it is about us discerning why people are in our lives and what the potential is – and this then starts to build true quality and true family.

35. Blood family is just another one of the fatal lies we have fallen for to keep us from knowing and feeling we are all equally connected no matter what part of the cosmos we are from.

36. It would seem a huge leap from ‘family’ to the acceptance of a one worldwide humanity family, yet if we feel that love we are inside and know that we are all that love inside, there is no leap at all, simply an opening to all others in love.

37. It is time we looked at the bigger picture than the confines of seeing the ‘family’ as only blood related or maybe allowing a few close friends into our family. We are all a part of the one humanity that makes up the human race and to begin by stopping judgment or comparison with each other because they may look or do things differently, is the first step to accepting all as our equals and to begin to live in harmony with each other. “With our willingness to embrace our love from within, we can be guided by our inner knowing and connection. From here it is easy to see, feel and know that anyone can be family.”

38. You might enjoy these three blog post on “Family Matters” — https://petersironwood.wordpress.com/2017/04/30/family-matters-part-one/

39. Having a marker for this quality can be very supportive. One way that brings me back in touch with a deeper quality in myself is when practising Esoteric Yoga and Esoteric connective Tissue. These modalities in combination build a wholeness and a fullness that allows the body to energetically continue to expand.

40. We seem to have re-interpreted togetherness to mean exclusiveness and compromise. We are part of a huge family called humanity, which I don’t think anyone would argue against the fact that we are in deep trouble. We need to re-awaken this knowing of our whole family, to bring us back to a true way of being in relationship with ourselves and each other.

    1. Fiona a you have absolutely nailed it here with family and other groups we may feel we belong to “We seem to have re-interpreted togetherness to mean exclusiveness and compromise.”

41. It was lovely to read this blog as it brought back to my conscious fore that it’s not about reacting to the unloving ways I or another I’d consider ‘family’ may do, but to come back to the connection to love within me and give that to myself first. Otherwise getting bent out of shape over actions, without taking the step back to address the quality of the actions, is running around in circles going nowhere.

42. ” With our willingness to embrace our love from within, we can be guided by our inner knowing and connection. ”
    Yes, the will to embrace the love that we are and to live that love so all will know we are all from the same source.

43. I always remember having a strong sense that we are all equal, yes we may look different and sound different to one another, but underneath all of that there is a common thread among us all.

44. At the end of the day every single member of humanity is our family. We can have the deepest and the most profound loving and expansive relationship with literally anyone on the planet. In fact we are all inherently connected and one, not only to all others, but also to God and the whole of the Universe. Focusing our care and attention on just one, two or a handful and considering them as family while the rest are seen as strangers, is one of the most misguided and divisive choices we have made our normal for far too long.

45. Love needs not, it just is–an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony. What a world we would live in if we all understood and lived this, then we would all know what true family really is.

    1. Here hear Kev. Perhaps this is the whole point of life?

    2. Words to live by “Love needs not, it just is–an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony.” In our world currently love is portrayed as very needy, something we want (if not demand) from others “Love needs not….” – so true. Thank you Johanna and Kev.

46. Very true : “With our willingness to embrace our love from within, we can be guided by our inner knowing and connection. From here it is easy to see, feel and know that anyone can be family.”
    From here we can embrace life, from this connection we can heal all separation created.

47. ” We can often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers, let alone justify.”
    ” justify ” This is the important part here for this is where a person dishonours themselves and in doing so dishonours their ” family ” member.

48. Beautiful Johanna, when we live in a quality that holds all equal we feel that there are no boundaries between us, we are all family.

49. ‘If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self.’ – A reminder that cannot be said too often, there is no point searching high and low outside ourselves for love – we can however ever have true love in our lives is by deeply loving and appreciating ourselves and generously sharing the love that we innately are with others.

50. ‘Love starts with knowing our inner-most and its quality – then letting that be our gauge for how we treat ourselves, how we are with others, how we move and walk through life in all that we do… ‘ Yes! The power of this I am appreciating and know there is greater depth to this appreciation as I embrace the quality of my inner most.

51. Coming back to claim ourselves is super powerful to feel on a moment by moment basis in our day. Then we know we all are of the same equal quality.

52. My family consists of me and my husband’s children one on the way and my daughter from a previous relationship. My husband is amazing and has raised her as his own for 9 years! I’ve gotten comments in the past about how his bond with our shared biological children will be different and deeper than his bond with my daughter. And it reminded me that sadly not everyone will see us as a true family because of blood. But we know the truth and don’t care what anyone says. He loves her she raised her, he is there for her everyday that is her father 100%

53. The truth is that underneath everything we are all the same and simply looking for the brotherhood and Soul connection that we have lost.

    1. We are not made to live in separation and will always yearn for true connection.

54. The word ‘family’ comes from ‘familiar’ in Latin. With this in mind we can say that anyone who feels ‘familiar’ can be defined as ‘family’. But what if true family is broader than the familiar? What if we can become comfortable with what we know, and anything or anyone that does not feel ‘familiar’ simply rocks our comfort? If everyone in the human race is in truth ‘family’, we need to get used to embracing the unfamiliar, even if it feels uncomfortable, in order to open to truth and evolve.

55. I’ve noticed in me that if I maintain my quality then that builds into everything around me, and if I neglect it then equally the lack infuses everything.. and my immediate family (however defined) are the primary beneficiaries of this livingness. That juices up my responsibility no end.

56. When we trust the meaning of any word from the knowing of the body, all Truth is known. So the body is the marker of Truth.

57. “We do know from deep within our body, from the things that hurt us, that certain behaviours, patterns and so on do not belong with who we truly are.” Indeed we do, so it does seem crazy that we override what we know to be true and let ourselves get hurt but those who are supposedly our nearest and dearest. True love would never allow this to happen.

58. Essentially we are all one family, the idea that some people are more important than others doesn’t sit true with me. We may spend more time with those closest to us and have specific kinds of relationship only with certain people which I get is totally natural and true but alongside that never hold anyone else as any lesser or less important just because they don’t come under the umbrella of ‘our family’.

    1. Well said Fiona – we all stem from the same source, different appearances or expressions does not mean anyone is less or more – we are forever equal.

59. Once we let go of all the investments and pictures around blood family then we open our selves up to the knowing that all of humanity is our family and that we need to treat every body equally.

60. I used to define my relationship with my daughters by how much ‘I did’ with them rather then by the ‘quality of our connection’.

61. What makes us treat people who are close to us badly? Could it be that they bring up in us what we do not want to look at in ourselves? If we are not willing to look at a pattern or an issues we can become very fierce at protecting it. This can turn into abusive language or behaviour very quickly, and before we know it we have caused a great deal of harm. Loving ourselves and each other means taking responsibility for our own issues and feelings, and working with ourselves to make sure that we do not dump on each other in this way.

62. We are not here to be part of any select group but to simply claim our true nature and live it every day. This means connecting to and sharing our true qualities with the world and in this we easily connect to others who are expressing the same…this is true family.

63. Actually it all comes down to our individual responsibility to stop the abuse and say no to it as it does not belong to the quality we feel life should be. Why should we allow something that is of a lesser quality than that what lives in all of us. It actually makes no sense, especially if you consider how intelligent we say to ourselves we are as being a human being.

64. With love as a foundational marker in our relationship with ourselves and all others, then family is limitless. I love people coming to our house and feeling them as family.

    1. Thinking big Matilda – love how wide your arms spread

65. Some words and their intricate meaning that has been woven deep into our psyche are hard to unravel, first we may be completely unaware of the falseness we have accepted and then we discover that the lies are layered and rooting deep. Undoing it or pulling up the ‘weeds’ is not a one-time thing but a process whereby the realizations come to us piece by piece.

66. I love the focus on the quality and love for ourselves first, and then bring that to the meaning of family, we can feel this and express it to many people who are not in our blood family. When we hold that focus, we can feel to true meaning of family.

67. I like your love gauge. It starts with love for self, knowing every detail of what that love feels like within and for ourselves then allowing that to ripple out from this epicentre.

68. Every-thing is defined by it’s quality.

69. I do recognise what you say Johanna, what we know being a family – as being a group of people that live in an arrangement with one another, simply because there is a blood line relationship. Besides the abuse that is accepted in this group, why is family different from the people outside of this group? It really makes no sense to me and I can fully agree with what you propose to make relationships and family about love as they should be as from our nature that is only love.

70. The fact is that whether or not we say family is defined by bloodline or whatever other temporal characteristic, we are actually still defining family by quality only that we think it is about bloodline etc.

71. ‘It starts with our living a quality that we feel to be true, honouring and cherishing of ourselves. This lived quality then feeds us back, leaving us unimposing, not putting conditions or expectations on others to supply us with a love we want but are not giving ourselves first.’ Beautiful, true relationship.. and one we can have with anyone.

    1. The relationship that we have with ourselves is the relationship that we have with everyone.

72. Sometimes, the truest love is actually not what we would think or sometimes even want – sometimes we want comfort and familiarity and not to be asked to be more, but true love doesn’t conform to comfort, it calls us to be all we are, supports people to fulfil their potential without hesitation and does not put needs above what is true – sometimes it means calling out irresponsibility and sometimes it means beholding someone. This totally changes the constructs of family and the foundational qualities that unify us

    1. Yes Rebecca, we have to turn family upside down and make it about love opposed to the arrangement of a family, where we are allowed to do whatever we like because we are family, in witch we make up for the abuse with the words, that this is how it is in our family.

       1. Well said – the occasional ‘I love you’ or family gathering or moment of calm between the abuse, seeming to make up for the otherwise daily dysfunctional relationships. I know so many people deeply hurt by the lack of love and decency and respect and care within their family, surely the one place it should be guaranteed.

       2. That is indeed what we may think, that family is safe and a place where we can prosper and evolve but most times we have to conclude that this is just a false feeling when we allow the reality of being in a family to come to our awareness.

73. Interesting how we can react or respond differently to people depending on if they are ‘family’ or not – how many times do we put up with or accept behavior that is unacceptable but we excuse it by saying it is a family member? Or we shrug our shoulders and say that is just the way they are, they are family!? But how about if we saw everyone as equal and as part of the same team, would we then respond in a different way?

74. Family is certainly a word to explore as there are so many different definitions and understandings that people hold around this. To me the meaning of family has morphed into including more and more people and not just being limited to blood ties. This makes me realise what a seclusive version of family I had originally and how this has now been broken to allow for so much more!

75. “If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self.” This is so very true. Claim what is true and then walk its steps and life changes.

76. Isn’t it curious, how we can be so indignant if someone outside of our family treats us ‘unfairly’, and we may say we are not prepared to accept that kind of behaviour, whereas a member of our family can behave in a similar way towards us, even though we may not like it and we might complain, we can be more willing to tolerate it rather than stand up for ourselves. To see everyone as the same and not accept anything less than what we deserve, regardless of whether they are family or not is surely the way forward.

77. Holding back truth in a family situation is just as abusive as physical violence. Same energy and same unloving result.

78. Yes Johanna, re-defining family in this way is a paradigm shift. Every person is our equal brother and we all have the same Father in heaven – why would we abuse people we live with and be respectful outside of that or alternatively why would we shun ‘strangers’ and only love those who live in the same house, or belong to the conventional definition of family?

79. We are presently all part of the family called humanity, and we are either evolving, or resisting living in a way that can truly bring us together as one.

80. “Defining Family and Love by quality is a life-changer on a global scale” – yes Johanna, defining family by the quality of love changes everything, the way we live, relate, communicate, express and importantly also remain in the particular relationship, as in, if the quality of love is not present, then why are we there in the relationship however it may be formed blood wise or not. Something to really think about and reflect on.

81. There cannot be an expectation that family naturally knows how to love. What we want to see, we have to claim first in any situation.

82. Quality is a very solid foundation in relationships, and to bring this into family, takes it to a whole new level, which takes it away from making things about ‘I should or I must or I’ll just do it’, to putting quality first and foremost and honouring this on all levels. What is the quality of our conversations, of time together, of reflecting to each other.

83. We when reduce family to a sense that we only belong as a result of a bloodline, we miss the common and beautiful connection and equality that we have as a human beings.

84. I’m realising that I have prided myself on being fiercely independent for most of my life. I ‘escaped’ from my family home at the age of 19 and did it alone. This has become my normal and I have used it to keep people away. Dropping the walls is important if we are to embrace the support and love of the people around us.

85. The concepts of family, what it means, and what it is are challenging to break. They are ingrained and convincing of their value. But if they can be viewed as concepts and not reality, then an opportunity for understanding the flow of love with those outside blood family is on offer.

86. We feel quality between people well before we register what they look like, what bloodline they are, how often they see each other etc. We ought to always remember this fact.

87. Family is a way of being rather than the fact that we are related by blood. It’s not how we wait for others to treat us, but how we first treat ourselves and others.

88. True family does not accept lovelessness, it asks us to be more, it does not accept abuse as normal, as love is it’s foundation.

89. The way we see love and family at the moment only serves to keep us in separation from each other. You only have to be with a small child to see and feel that they do not have these distinctions.

90. Whilst we continue to allow abuse within our homes and blood families, we will not be open to seeing that in truth we are all one family no matter who we are, or where we come from. We seem to like keeping the definition of family limited to its current meaning, as it means we can get away with being abusive and not be responsible for choosing to not be the love we truly are within.

91. A beautiful sharing on the importance of quality in every aspect of our lives and the love we are innately and thus true family from there is everything and the oneness we all are.

92. There’s a saying, “You are the company you keep” and whilst I don’t agree with it strictly, I have seen that depending on the quality I choose, I will get similar quality back through people and experiences.

93. “If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self.” If we spend time building love for ourselves we cannot but bring love with us wherever we go, and share it with everyone, whether blood family or not.

94. What if the true definition of the word ‘family’ was actually closer to meaning ‘everyone everywhere’? And if we were able to identify everyone everywhere as ‘family’, would we then be able to feel that everyone was actually different versions of ‘us’? Would this then break down the whole notion of family because we would realise that in truth ‘everyone’ is really just One and that one thing is God.

95. I find this blog so deeply amazing Johanna, there is so much to ponder here and challenge our current understanding of family, in particular, the equality with which we approach all of our relationships with one another. “This quality would support us to be with ourselves and others in a way that comes from true decency and respect. It would not allow us to be or accept anything less than this. From this place of our inner-knowing, we would be able to clearly see patterns and behaviours that are not part of our inner essence and yet still continue to hold everyone in love, knowing we are all equal within our hearts and essence.”

96. It is our redefinition and manipulation of words and their meanings that leaves us so bereft of truth. A true dictionary will be written from our whole body intelligence, with words felt and deeply honoured.

97. We are loved by our own love, hence all we need to do is surrender to our bodies where the love is seated, and live by a way that honors that. Than love can come back to us in our movements, to the best ability.

98. Yes, we are all the same and when we truly connect with each other. It feels no different from being with a brother or sister, parent or grandparent and so on. If we don’t limit ourselves in opening up to people around us, everyone can be family when it is defined by quality.

99. I think it’s great to look at how we may be accepting a lesser quality in some of our relationships – both from the other person or from the quality that we bring to it, whether it be at work, at home, with friends etc… Why would we hold anyone as any lesser than another? We may spend more time with certain people, and do different things with different people, naturally so but that shouldn’t affect the quality of what we bring or accept…

100. It is wonderful to consider that every one knows what true family is, because we all know what true love is – that deep down inside, each person has the knowing of love as a beholding light, and that by this marker we can each live in harmony with each other, knowing that this harmony is a science that is lived.

101. After speaking with a group of women this evening I realise I have such a loving family. I know what true family feels like and what’s beautiful is having discovered this with people who are unrelated to me, and also bringing this quality to my relationships with my blood family too. Very beautiful.

102. The consciousness of family is keeping us from living the only true family there is – brotherhood.

     1. Brotherhood is a word of such vastness and treasure. I come to it as a student, inspired and in awe of what it will feel and look like when lived.

103. Thanks to Universal Medicine, I have family members from all over the world, from every kind of background, age, gender and race, united in our return to love.

104. “It starts with our living a quality that we feel to be true, honouring and cherishing of ourselves. This lived quality then feeds us back, leaving us unimposing, not putting conditions or expectations on others to supply us with a love we want but are not giving ourselves first.” These words are ringing loud and clear like a bell through every particle of me, sounding the tune of the true way forward for humanity.

105. “If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self” – yes, self-love leads naturally to love, leads to family and its growth. In other words, love is family and family is love.

106. True family is one where we walk as equals, supporting each other to be all we are, and expand beyond the expectation and limitations of ‘roles’ such as mother, father, sister and brother. “We can often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers, let alone justify.”

107. This is great Johanna, not only are we “breaking down the false consciousness of family” but also around the lies that are lived about Love.

108. Yes so true Elizabeth as we are all from the one Divine source, everyone is family.

109. Yes that is so true Ariana, bringing the quality of all of us to everything and everyone.

110. “Love needs not, it just is – an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony. Wow… now that’s a marker to live from!” This is beautiful maker to live from available to us all to connect to.

111. Shirley-Ann I do so agree with you. It has happened to me that some random person has spoken to me in such a manner that I feel enveloped with love and a lovely warmth emanates from my body.

112. Truly our life is defined by quality. We think that it’s more to do with the make of the car we drive or food we eat – but in reality it’s the energy we live. Go deeper with this, and explore what comes, but to live life in the same vibration expecting true change to arrive is the definition of insanity. Thank you Johanna for sharing this quality with us.

113. Family: We are in it all together to get all out together (i.e. the evolutionary school of earth life).

     1. Hear hear, is this not our sole – soul purpose of our life here, to re-turn to truth.

114. The saying that ‘family is thicker than blood’ is such a loaded saying. You can’t go anywhere with it and you have to put up with what ever is going on. So when we pluck up the courage and say no to this and say that actually it is about Love and not blood and we will only be with people that respect this in each other then Family is actually based on Love. A quality that holds us in the bare minimum respect and decency.

115. The moment you know everyone to be your family there is no longer any difference, reason or condition that could justify loving any person more than another. We may have personal preferences and or affections but they don´t touch on the equal love that is held for everyone equally.

     1. And may I add Alex, that “Love” at the level you are sharing is an inspiration for family, friends and those we meet in passing.

     2. What a world we can have if we start living from these values.

116. Could it be that family is so lost in all it’s interpretations we should be talking about unifying as ‘One-Brotherhood’ that uses Love and Equality as its guiding tenants?

117. ‘From this place of our inner-knowing, we would be able to clearly see patterns and behaviours that are not part of our inner essence and yet still continue to hold everyone in love, knowing we are all equal within our hearts and essence.’ This is key to understanding others – we can feel their true essence the same as ours and recognise their behaviours as not being of that essence, therefore our love for them does not diminish and we have no need to judge.

118. I’ve never really understood family, I get it on a temporal level however the love I feel within me has never naturally wanted to be exclusive nor limited, more that it holds everyone equally and everyone feels like family.

119. If we accept abuse from some and not others the relationship we have with abuse is still alive. We are still willing to be abused because in certain areas the ideals we hold can blind us to Truth. Not that we need to see everything all at once, but the more we can drop our ideals the more we can actually see Truth.

120. I love these few words… “Our inner marker would then be our guide…” as it’s the relationship we develop with ourselves, inwardly, that makes this marker become more a part of our every day choices.

121. It is interesting to note that the most abhorrent behaviours generally occur between people who know each other or are related, especially within families as is the case with domestic violence, honour killing and female genital mutilation.

122. As you say Johanna, love starts with ourselves, we can only ever change ourselves, and when we do, everyone notices it. I love your quote ” If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self”, I shall put that into action.

123. If we are open everyone is family, just like anyone you meet in a supermarket is your best friend the moment you both connect and then you move on your way without any attachment whatsoever. This is how we can be with everyone . . . What comes with the common idea of family is possession and attachment and this kills joy and makes it all hard work.

     1. It’s like having Ideal-tinted glasses on when we see people. And that’s why it’s fascinating to watch people after natural disasters. Everyones glasses come off and you see brotherhood in action.

124. Family is a word that we have placed a huge limitation on. And I find those who have ‘family’ outside of blood family can still feel odd or needy in these relationships as we have not known to honour all our connections. If we bring again our quality to all family, we loose the uncomfortableness of the tension that underlies our needs, wants and ideals. As we are no longer looking to be fulfilled, but bring a full whole person to every relationship.

125. Regardless of what is going on, I continue to regard all the people in my life as family, because at the core is always a beautiful person who deserves to be loved and understood and this for me is what true family is – to walk with an open loving heart that regards every situation with understanding.

126. I’ve met many people over the years who define friends as family even though they say they know they aren’t ‘technically’ family but feel more like family than family members who are behaving in unloving ways. We do know family isn’t defined by blood but is a quality we all share. Even though some may hide this quality beneath unloving behaviours.

127. ‘I have found that this true quality of Love in our lives can become our marker of family… breaking down the false consciousness of family being limited to blood relatives.’ I love getting to know new people and feeling that they hold themselves and others in a true quality – it is like knowing something that is common in us all.

128. What we experience family to be defines what “togetherness” then means instead of knowing what true to-gather-ness actually is and make family a group of people who lives that.

129. ‘If we want love in our lives we must claim it and this claiming starts with self.’ Very true Johanna. How can we claim to love another if we don’t truly love ourselves first? And what is the quality of that love?

     1. Well said Sue, how can we claim to love another, if we don’t know what true love for ourselves is. We have to start with self, live it, feel it and claim it before we will get it back to us as we reflect to others.

130. ‘If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self’. This was a profound and healing moment when I realised I didn’t have to wait for someone to love me, I was already love and all I had to do was connect to it, love and care for myself.

131. From reading this blog I can feel that we are all one family but too that there are many constructs in me which I have took on in life and have another view of what family is. So I know where to work and that is to let go of the construct I have made from my mind but I can feel too, do not live in my heart.

132. We are brought up to be totally loyal to the family no matter what. So when things get abusive or even when they are loveless it is expected to take it on the chin. Some of this can be so subtle that you just think it’s the normal. When you experience a relationship with anyone and true Love is the quality it becomes very clear the two types of love that are available. Love has no boundaries and is equally for all and this is what I feel to be absolutely true. Now there can be no other way for me, so when it’s not Love it has to be called out, lovingly. We all deserve the absolute pure Love that is available which is in each and everyone of us waiting to be connected to and expressed. Letting go of hurts and being open no matter what. I keep working on this and have realised there is so much depth that it is unimaginable what is possible.

133. I like be what is shared here about making it about quality before family. How simple is that to base everything on love or not love. It changes the whole way relationships are configured.

     1. Quality is everything, if we ignore the quality there is no true foundation. Making it about the quality of love changes the whole way relationships are configured.

134. We do not need to close ourselves down to ‘outsiders’, we can bring the quality of Love to everyone we meet. We are in relationships wherever we are, and these relationships deserve all of us.

135. “What if we only defined family by quality, a knowing of a true quality, which then guided us to consider behaviours and ways of being, saying, “Yes, that belongs” or “No, that does not belong”?” This is such a common sense and equalising approach to family life that would potentially rule out any possiblity of even low level abuse, disrespect or dishonouring of any family member. Something that we would all do well to embrace.

136. I know that at times I have met someone new and they instantly feel like family. They feel familiar. They are obviously not blood family so how do we explain this? It shows that there is a connection that runs much much deeper than blood.

137. We absolutely have a choice to choose quality every moment of our life. Or to be more precise to align to a energy that takes care of the rest. Why wrack our brains trying to think of the right thing to do when the truth lives in the vibration with which you move. Thank you Johanna.

138. Holding on to a notion of family only being ‘blood relatives’ is like saying some people are better than others or more worthy of our love. When one stops and feels this, it’s false assumptions are obvious.

     1. I heard a conversation on the bus the other day where a young woman was talking about the possibility of having children. It was scary the way she was talking about someone who was not yet born being ‘hers’. There was a sense of ownership of the unborn child that I felt already excluded everyone else. It was almost fierce. What if we can turn this around and know that we are here to support anyone who comes into this world and not own them, it creates a very different picture and a very different feeling.

139. “We can often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers, let alone justify.” – to break away from this paradigm it can help to see our mother, sister, daughter, wife as another woman; or our father, brother, son, husband as another man…this can give us a fresh perspective on the situation and help us feel what is indeed acceptable and not. And it also supports us in appreciating the other very deeply as we get to realise how much of who they are is shared with us, and also how much of what they do is there too to be and appreciated.

     1. Very beautiful support Henrietta. I can feel how doing this could also expose pictures of the roles we may still be holding onto and imposing on others.

140. Knowing and living and expressing the qualities of love, harmony, and joy – the foundation of any relationship, we reflect for our blood family the potential of how it can be, and often they respond and themselves become part of the wider family.

141. Everything in life has a quality to it if we are open to sensing it, allowing us to navigate through life and not be caught by the hooks that can take us off course.

142. It makes so much sense that if we want love in our lives, then the easiest way to do this is to take responsibility for our part and live love in relation to ourselves and to others. It’s like the saying treat others how you wish to be treated with the added clause of treat YOU with all the love possible.

143. Could it be that if we just used the word Brotherhood so that we are all equally being unified by one word and shared this understanding world wide, then the way we would treat each other would Soul-ve a lot of issues.

144. I’ve noticed for many years that the people I treat the worst starts with myself, then its my partner, family members and outward so that the people who seem to get the best of me are total strangers where I have mastered the art of being nice! When I write this down I’m struck by just how upside down bonkers this is. It feels like the key is that relationship with self – if there is a deep love there, then this can’t help but trickle out to everyone and those you spend the most time with are going to get to experience more of it.

145. It very much is all about quality of energy, nothing else, I have come to re-discover that ‘family’ the picture I held, was false all along. Now for me to re-imprint within my relationships and feel what love is and what is not and what I claim to be true in my life forever. Letting go of old investments in family portraits belongs to that. No limit to how far I can go with this, and what I need to let go of.

146. It is only an attachment to an image that would keep us together when family is actually not true love at all. As you shared correctly it has been given that family in truth should be all about love, but indeed we have a current reality were abuse in many many family’s is accepted and at times the norm.. Why are we so attached to this family image? I am myself figuring this out at the moment, I have explored my investment in family whilst actually in my heart it felt so different than true love, and feel that I need to let go and detach myself from this family image and start feeling and claiming again what true love is.

147. I have interesting experiences concerning what is true family, it is correct that it is a quality not about blood. It is a feeling, rather than thinking from the head. It is about being seen and met by each other for who we are, this is the magic and knowing of the quality of family.

148. So I guess it means growing up with a strong connection to our inner marker, so throughout our whole life we can know and say ‘yes that is love’ or ‘no that is not love’, therefore not accepting anything less than love from anyone in our life .. including the family we were born into. There is a lot of work to do regarding this so we can eventually all do this. On the whole I would say we currently do not have an absolute strong and consistent connection our inner truth, or high self-worth and self-esteem to love ourselves so much and so deeply that we do not accept ANY form of abuse, including the abuse we give and do to ourselves (overeating, not resting when we need to, smoking, drinking, not honouring what we feel etc).

149. True quality should always be the foundation of any relationship. When we settle for anything less than love, we are colluding in putting a lid on the glory of the love that is, not just our own expression but also, the absolute essence of the other person.

150. Actually that what we thought family was, our blood family, cannot hold steady if we define family as a group of people where love is the foundation and lived, and in depth examined.

     1. This is a great conversation flagging that perhaps confining the understanding of family to ‘nuclear’ or ‘blood’ family is far too limiting. And also it brings up the question of how come we have a society where love is NOT a lived foundation in so many of our currently defined families?

        1. That is a good question Golnaz, as yes, we have to admit that we have a society where love is not a lived foundation but a quality that is being looked for in many ways. But to me the problem is that we tend to look outside of us for the answers in our search for love while the answers can be simply found if we connect with ourselves and with our bodies too. As there we will find the simple answers based on the love that resides within in all of us equally so.

151. Feeling the quality of love within myself is the go-to every time when I feel challenged. It’s simple, I just take the steps to claim this love deeper for me, change my movements and thoughts, and this quality then felt changes everything as it is much more attractive than being in an issue.

152. The word family often implies blood ties, but what I have experienced is something that breaks completely this mould. All my life I traveled a lot, and as a young child I lived in lots of foreign countries not seeing much of my blood family (other than my immediate family with my parents and sister). And whilst living in these other countries, we adopted grandparents and uncles and aunties that were all from different countries, ethnic backgrounds, etc, and yet the relationship we shared with them was very dear and close, and so to us they were truly family. And today I also live in a country far away from all of my blood family (whom I miss dearly as well) but I have found a beautiful community of people around me that are my family too, and so True family is the closeness and connection we share with those around us, that is not bound by blood ties, but rather is determined by the openness of heart that we might have with ourselves and another.

153. “We can often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers, let alone justify. ” – how often do we make excuses for someone who behaves in an unacceptable way, and just say that they are my son, my husband, my sister, my mother etc etc. In many regards this is very disrespectful towards ourselves, and also does not offer an opportunity for the other to learn and grow from the situation. So in other words, if we can see and feel that something is not right, and we just accept that behavior and do not speak up, then it is quite condescending to put upon another that they would not be able to learn and grow. And so the most important thing that we can do is to simply to work on our communication skills, and allow ourselves to speak up out of respect for self and the other. And so this becomes a learning curve and a blessing for both parties.

154. Defining true family from a quality would certainly expose most blood families for the abusive nature they are.

     1. Spot on Mary Louise! How crazy that we accept abuse and inappropriate behaviour from family or close friends or even partners, when we would never allow that from a stranger…there is much for us to explore on what is happening for us on the inside to accept such behaviours on the outside.

155. “Family defined by quality and if we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self”. What an amazing difference this makes to the world and ourselves in every day and learning this changes everything. The abuse in so called family would simply not occur and love would take its place in the honouring and sacredness of who we all are.

156. Defining family by quality prevents pictures getting in the way about what family and relationship should or shouldn’t look like…

     1. Great statement Thomas, It is the pictures that nugde one, giving a false reality.

157. “We do know from deep within our body, from the things that hurt us, that certain behaviours, patterns and so on do not belong with who we truly are.” We do indeed, so its a very interesting question to ask, as to why we then continue with these patterns of behaviour that we ultimately know are harmful to us. Could it be that they are keeping us in a comfortable situation that does not ask us to be more, and therefore it is a way of not taking full responsibility for the way that we are living?

     1. Great spot Sandra – that comfortable existence where we have allowed a certain way of living even if its quite clear what the sticking points are, but its a status quo and no one wants to go to the effort of breaking that paradigm and get to experience the deeper love that awaits if we are just willing to put in the effort.

158. “If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self.” So true. Why is it that we may put up with comments (abuse) from blood family members or intimate partners when we would never tolerate this behaviour from someone outside of our ‘family’?

159. “Defining Family and Love by quality is a life-changer on a global scale.” Yes I agree Johanna – it is really a wonderful invitation to change the quality we all are living together and perhaps this is also a simple and very effective way to stop the increasing illness and disease rates.

160. The true meaning of family has no borders or boundaries, no us and them, no separation or disharmony because when humanity is ready to embrace true family, harmony and love will be our norm.

161. Thank you Johanna – so often we define family to be ‘special’ or ‘close’ or ‘the ones who matter’. The irony is we never truly relate to anyone there until we see that everyone is equally significant and those near to us are just representatives of the other 7 billion plus.

     1. Thank you Joseph to bring this perspective. Actually you say we are all one big family, all people on the earth. And in the micro, how we are and relate to the people we are close with in this life, is a representation of how we are with all that other 7 billion people too. Not only thinking big, but also living big.

162. Beautifully expressed Johanna, we cannot excuse people’s behaviour just because they are family, we need to stand up for truth so every relationship we have is family from the cleaner to our boss, and their boss too. If we have a regular interaction with them then they are our everyday family and bringing a true quality to them can change everything.

     1. Very true Sally.

163. It seems that the word ‘family’ is not what it seems if you look up the etymology of the word . . . “The Latin word rarely appears in the sense “parents with their children,” for which domus (see domestic (adj.)) was used. Derivatives of famulus include famula “serving woman, maid,” famulanter “in the manner of a servant,” famulitas “servitude,” familiaris “of one’s household, private,” familiaricus “of household slaves,” familiaritas “close friendship.””

     1. Thanks for sharing Kathleen. Am always interested in just how words deviate or get bastardised over time.

        1. Yes Johanna, this definition puts a whole new slant on the idea of family.

164. Interestingly enough this is what I found when I looked up the origins of the word family in the dictionary . . . “The word family came into English in the fifteenth century. Its root lies in the Latin word famulus, “servant”. The first meaning in English was close to our modern word “household” — a group of individuals living under one roof that included blood relations and servants.”

165. A truly supportive family is one that supports us in our growth, and hence it is about sharing and saying things to us that may not always be things we want to hear, but which will ultimately allow us to have awareness of things that we have chosen or are doing that are not there to support us, and hence we have the choice to make a change. True support in this way is one that always comes with a beholding of love in all ways.

     1. Yes. One that allows us to be all we already are and evolve together.

166. FAMILY can be a strong concept to break if we let ourselves be bound by certain definitions of what family is. I often as myself: if we stop to see each person in our family as a woman or a man of their own right, and relate to them that way, how different would our relationship be with them? Would we speak to them or treat them the way we do? Would we allow them to speak or treat us the way they do? This is a game changer and allows us to see things from a different perspective, that perhaps gives us permission to grow in our relationships, whilst still bringing an absolute love and care for all.

     1. Awesome point Henrietta. And what you bring to the table here about definitions can actually be applied in all of our lives – to our work, our home, etc. if we live life by definitions then we are only bound to that and missing out on what is before us, missing out on the moment or the person or the expansion as it is truly taking place. Definitions are so confining.

167. In blood families, communication is often quite strained in my experience because people are not saying what is really on their minds, sometimes thinking they are not able to be honest, because of judgements they can feel, and sometimes they hide from their true feelings they don’t want to be exposed. But everyone can feel when there is an elephant in the room and it is much better when truth is expressed, we know this is the most loving way to be.

     1. Then people look and act shocked when their family member who lives with them does something completely out of the blue as if they were so unaware. Yet if we bring it back to the simplicity of checking in with each other each day, and knowing how the eyes of our loved ones look when they are themselves, then we are there to confirm, embrace, support etc as needed. We always know what is going on as we’ve chosen to be involved.

168. I was driving on a very busy motorway recently and as I looked around me I could feel the people that were driving their cars to their final destination. Those people were connected to me no matter what. We are interrelated and there is no getting away from this fact. And actually that helped me to bring understanding to a situation that had been bothering me. No matter what the outcome may be the person who is ruffling my feathers is still my equal they are however choosing to run with an energy that is unpleasant and I don’t have to put up with it.

169. “If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self. ” that sets the foundation for us all, I totally agree and yet very few people or things in life bring it back to ourselves and the quality of our choices and how we feel in our body.

     1. Bringing it back to ourselves and starting with ourselves makes complete sense as it is how we treat ourselves and the level of care we claim for ourselves that dictates our movements and relationships in life – basically how we are in the world.

170. ‘Love needs not, it just is – an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony’ that allows us to feel a sense of at oneness equally with everyone and offering consistent quality of connection with all.

     1. Love needing not exposed the difference between the true beholding love and the using, emotional needy love. It feels very different to our bodies when we are being held in the true quality of love compared to feeling that others are needing something from us under the guise of love, when really it could be attention, recognition, belonging, relief etc.

171. “What if we only defined family by quality, a knowing of a true quality“- this statement is pure gold, because it refutes any kind of family consciousness in a very simple and practical way. Quality I know is of truth and true love. = you belong to what I call my family. It is a marker and belonging of quality and not blood/ genetics.

172. Sometimes we are comforted by the fact that family do not challenge us on our behaviours so as not to upset the agreed way of doing things or keep the peace.But is that a truly supportive sense of family?

173. True family means everyone is a family member, brother, sister, mother, father, a relationship based on love. If we lived life like this we wouldn’t be detached from the people we work with. It has been observed that nurses and health visitors can visit a home regularly, but fail to observe what is going on, guide family members or refer the client to other services. When family members take on the responsibility for the care of an elder, it is dangerous to assume this equates to loving care. The myth of family can be a cover for a whole raft of evil.

     1. I love what you share here kehinde. That everyone is a member.

174. ‘it means that family – something that should be only about love – can become something that is not loving and can actually be harming and abusive’. To witness how family members treat each other within the confines of a family home, and particularly towards an elder in ill-health and unable to speak for themselves, is shocking. We ask what has happened to make people so hardened and loveless they no longer feel the harm they’re causing another human being The same standard of behaviour considered unacceptable in any social care institution, goes unnoticed within the home.

     1. This is a great point that you raise here kehinde. Much goes on behind closed doors that if put in the public forum would not take place because on some level we do know that it is not a true way of being.

175. When we set a standard a quality, something we live with us first then be with all others in that … yes this is true family and we can have this with anyone.

     1. Beautiful sharing Monica. It’s very gorgeous to feel that there actually are no boundaries or division in this chosen quality and family can be had with anyone.

176. Could you imagine your first day at school and the teacher presenting we are all one family and that Love is the thread that holds us together?

     1. Gosh, my life would have started totally different, if someone would have presented this to me in an early age….

        1. It would be so different for all of us! Providing the answers is simply so we now require the teachers to represent the truth in schools, so Love is understood as the key to all subjects!

177. True family is a livingness that will lead humanity out of the dark wilderness of separation that we have been existing in for the longest time. For those that live in this separation will start to realise what is working and what is not.

178. My feeling is that there is a lot more abuse happening in blood families than in chosen friendship families. Siblings will fight each other and speak rudely to each other in a way they would never speak to their friends, it’s as if family has permission for abuse but friends require politeness. We should be the same with everyone for we are all one big family.

     1. I agree Carmel. A lot of ill-mental health stems from resentment felt by those abused within the family home and devastated it was allowed to happen.

     2. Absolutely! We should never be less in anything with anyone all of the time. Like Serge Benhayon is presenting- living the ONE LIFE. Knowing that we are responsible every moment with everyone and that everyone deserves the same love and reflection we carry inside us.

179. It starts with our living a quality that we feel to be true, honouring and cherishing of ourselves. This lived quality then feeds us back, leaving us unimposing, not putting conditions or expectations on others to supply us with a love we want but are not giving ourselves first.’ This is so wise and lets shine the love we are without compromise.

180. This totally redefines love and how to live it.

181. The potential of this concept as a life changer, is massive! Reflecting upon Christmas time and family recently with a friend it was so evident to us that the way in which we interacted, the patterns that come up to be exposed and all that we learn from being together in the same place, on the same day is a lot but what we also really felt was how this experience with people (that we call blood relatives and family or extended family) provides a marker that we can also take out into life with all other people too. There is no difference between how we are, the quality we are living, with certain people. There is in fact only two qualities to be in, one that is truly loving and encompassing of everyone or one that is not and we all need to start embracing the fact that we are living in one big (world wide) pool of relationships all of the time.

     1. Christmas is a great example Cherise of how time shared with friends expands the construct of who constitutes ‘family’

182. When we define everything by energetic quality there can be no temporal lines drawn between people or groups of people. We have constellations that group us in different ways to evolve us, but we often get stuck in ‘family’ as a concept, an illusion that holds us back.

183. ‘Defining family and love by quality’ – is absolutely life changing and calls all of us to be much much more considerate of one another than we have been.

     1. Yes – everyone equally so. True responsibility.

     2. True Abby, and I’d say it calls us to be more, on the whole.

184. Defining family by blood alone has brought nothing but separation to humanity.

185. Talking to a friend whose husband died unexpectedly she said that it is at times like that that you know who your real friends are. What she meant was the quality in those friends that were able to read what she needed, who were able to listen and hold her in her process, not wanting to fix anything or make anything better but allowing her to be herself and reflect the strength of a true connection. For me this is family.

     1. A very real and true sharing. Feeling held and understood and supported in these moments in the exact way we need it is so tangibly felt. Just as if people are emotionally needy and seeking something from you in these situations rather than truly supporting.

186. “Family Defined by Quality” – a family not defined by quality and that quality being love, is not family.

187. After reading this blog I have to redefine my understanding of what family means to me as indeed I can feel it is about a quality, and I can feel that I want to belong to a group of people that cherish this same quality but to me here comes the crux. What quality do we allow into the family? Is it a quality of separation and identification of a selected few, or is it the quality of love that unites and connects and is open for everyone to enter. I will choose for the latter one as I have experienced the other one which failed for me to work.

188. At times we place more importance on the person who gave birth to the child then a woman who may have raised the child from a very early age, we often call this woman the ‘foster mother’ which gives a connotation that she is secondary to the birth mother, when actually she is the one that has provided the mothering energy and hands on love to the child and the one the child lives with.

189. Love is never about just blood for me, but it is when I am able to live this truth and connection naturally within with those of blood, that I am understanding what love is within family.

190. What you unravel here is that we are in fact all one big family, that there are no borders how we can be with each other when we make it about love first.

191. A concept of family which ingrains a perception of us and them and justifies the choice to have degrees of love and inclusivity is not serving supporting us to be a unified, loving and responsible humanity. Time to truly re-evaluate such ideals and beliefs.

192. Yes, Johanna, I can certainly observe that my birth family have changed a lot over the past few years and are making more loving choices for themselves, without me saying anything but just living in a more honouring way myself.

193. As a society we consider bias towards others due to colour, race, nationality, sexual preference etc. forms of discrimination but by far the most common is discrimination towards others based on them being ‘family’. What people are prepared to put up with because they are ‘family’ is astounding, yet out of all the forms of discrimination it is the least one discussed.

     1. Hi Thomas, but is it actually never discussed, family being a form of discrimination. I have never heard about this one yet so thank you for bringing this into the discussion about discrimination.

194. ‘If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self.’ – Yes, are we willing to allow abuse in our lives? And if the answer is NO – why is it that we often abuse ourselves by pushing our body beyond it’s limits, eating what we know is not sustaining a healthy body and so on, as well as accepting mental, emotional or physical abuse from our family, even if it may be subtle. Why? When all our senses tells us that we are not willing allow abuse.

195. Taking part in loveless family behaviour… this is a big ouch to realise. But it can be always done so with understanding because this is the way the world is just now, and if you know no different then this what you do. But the key is to hold on to the fact that lovelessness in behaviour does not equal lovelessness in your heart, it simply is a series of movements that create the reality you experience, they do not determine the love that you actually are or can express, should you change the way that you move.

196. Defining family by quality brings an amazing truth to true family and love to us all that we know inside us and the honouring of that love is very beautiful and real to feel.

197. At the end of the day we are all from the one family . . .which of course is humanity . . . natural disasters remind us of this.

198. It’s not just family that can be defined by quality. As individuals we can lose sense of who we are if we lose our quality. When I am in touch with my quality I know who I am.

199. It hurts when we feel that the way we have been speaking to our children is abusive so most of us numb ourselves with a distraction of one sort or another to make sure we don’t feel that abuse.

200. The crimes that are committed within families are some of the hardest to read about, what has been accepted to allow things to get to that extreme?

201. The ideal of family often comes with the pressure of duty or obligation, but there is clearly another way to be with another, free of need and full of our naturally loving ways that stem from truly honouring and appreciating ourselves first.

202. When you look at the level of abuse that is recorded in the family home it is devastating but when you look beyond that and at the subtle abuse that is at play just by words or actions towards another family member it is caterstrophic. We take family for granted and assume that the love we have for each other is what love is. Not until I meet Universal Medicine did I realise that Love is a quality not an emotion.

     1. There is so much abuse in our world and much behind closed doors with those who live in the same home. The statistics are quite shocking yet we still accept that this can all take place under the guise of ‘family’. True family is a quality that never harms.

203. ‘If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self.’ We can want a whole variety of things but the common theme always comes back to love, so what are we doing about it? Are we sitting back waiting for someone to come and save us, like the saviour coming down from Heaven? Or are we actively embarking on living a life based on love to the best of our ability and allowing love to be our guide and teacher?

204. We do have a tendency to treat family in a different way than we do with other people, accepting what we would normally find unacceptable. It is often far from loving the behaviour we display or that we accept from family members.

205. “Love needs not, it just is – an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony. Wow… now that’s a marker to live from!” this is the love that lives within every single human being on our planet, a one human family.

     1. It really is simple. If we each took that level of responsibility to live the love we are, to allow the joy, be with the stillness and be in the harmony and flow then everything, absolutely everything else would take care of it self because of the quality everyone would be living.

206. The quality we bring to ourselves is the quality we are prepared to accept from others, hence family starts with developing and deepening our relationship with self.

     1. It is only with loving ourselves that we are able to bring that love to others, deeply caring for ourselves allows us to love ourselves and bring that quality to others.

     2. I agree Thomas, our relationships with others is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. Having a relationship who our own quality connects us to the quality of others, naturally, and with this we feel family we all are.

207. In truth there is only one family and that is humanity, for we are the many men and women who in essence are the equal Sons of God, but who have become waylaid and created for ourselves a way of living that does not honour or even remember this is so.

     1. Until those who choose to reflect this so – then the memory can be sparked from the truth we are all equally from.

208. There is an investment we have with family – be that blood, friends, gang or even community related that makes walking away hard. We accept a level of normal that can sometimes actually be abusive but because they are ‘family’ it is more accepted. This is a great article to start questioning if what we have accepted as normal is, in fact, not loving or supporting us at all.

     1. Good point Lucy. The arrangements, the ‘behaviour contracts’ if you like, that we have bought into, accepted and very much been part of is what makes walking away harder when we realise or want to reimprint a truer way. We feel the level we have said yes to the falsity.

        1. Yes and perhaps knowing you want that deeper connection and relationship with them. I have felt a shame in myself when I have seen how I have played the game and not been respectful of the potential connection we could have had and felt it was easier to walk away than feel the rejection of that more vulnerable side of myself which is not the ‘me’ they had got to know through my behaviour to date.

209. “this true quality of Love in our lives can become our marker of family” Yes, if we can live that love for ourselves then we have a marker for decency, respect, love, joy, harmony. We call those relationships to us and those that are not that stand out. There can be so much unspoken in families that festers, so many hurts and slights that were never addressed, that taking time to work on our own healing before we ask everyone else in the family to change is vital.

210. Many of us have bought into an ideal that ‘family comes first’ or that we should treat family members differently than others (I know I have done this). But when this comes at the expense of accepted abuse (many times including sexual abuse) then obviously we need to re-evaluate why we would take such an unloving and self-negating stance on this topic. In a sense, treating family members differently than others is the same as treating a white man differently than a black man or an Asian man, etc. It’s a form of racism really, and the end results are the same.

211. When we look at society, some of the greatest abuses originate in the home within family. For too long we have allowed family to excuse this abuse. When it is defined by love there cannot be anything but love within a family.

212. We commit more crimes against humanity in the name of family than most other ideals.

     1. We have used the self-created ideal of ‘family’ as a way to collude with each other in order to defend that which we have created, rather than work together to unpick it.

        1. Very true.

        2. This begs the direct question: What would our lives and our society look like if we put as much energy as we do in to arguing, bickering and keeping ourselves in our issues and mess, in to learning from life and loving one another?

213. What if we defined not just family, but any relationship, choice and activity by this quality? i.e. is it loving, supportive of everyone, including ourselves, or not?

     1. I agree Bryony – every activity and movement we make needs to be defined by it’s quality.

214. “Love starts with knowing our inner-most and its quality’ and that is because the quality of our inner-most is love.

215. “Love needs not, it just is – an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony”, there is such absolute completeness in this statement of truth that seems in turn to lead to utter stillness.

216. ‘I have found that this true quality of Love in our lives can become our marker of family… breaking down the false consciousness of family being limited to blood relatives.’ – A great call Johanna, we are so often blind to the ingrained patterns and ideals of our blood family and allowing it to restrict us from being open to what family is truly about.

     1. When we grow up with these beliefs, patrerns etc all around us, we just seem to accept them even though we can feel things like harshness, unkind looks, expectations etc all feel wrong. I fully appreciate those who have chosen to reflect a truer quality that we are all from. With out the reflection of Serge Benhayon and the Benhayon family I would not have know what was possible or how to make it possible in my life for myself with all others.

217. Cracking open the myth that family is all about blood relations – perfect. One family, with everyone connected by energy.

218. We have learnt and been conditioned that there is security in the togetherness of family and yet so much abuse and hurt can occur for the sake of being in a family. It is not a given that being in a family is a loving experience.

     1. There are no guarantees in blood family that our sacredness and preciousness will be honoured by others.

219. Reading this has highlighted the extent of the abuse we put up with, in our families. We may tell ourselves that things have been like this forever and that nothing I say can change the situation, but from my experience, the abuse was so familiar that I would often just slip back and take my seat as if I had never left.

220. When we give ourselves permission to just be the love we naturally are, then all the hats that we have worn to be all things to all people, just fall away.

     1. Yes. Different hats and masks and roles etc etc have no place to be when truth is there.

221. “Family Defined by Quality” – the only way to define family is by quality – the quality that is love and is truly loving. And if it’s not love and a string of emotions then it is not family but instead just a unit of abuse under the disguise of family.

     1. Which is as a total – a very false model yet one we have all been part of creating. This means we also have the power and choice to increase it and reimprint with what we feel and know to be true.

222. Yes, Johanna, the more we commit to love in our movements and within our own bodies, and allow ourselves to gracefully surrender to the love that is all around us, the deeper all of our relationships will naturally be.

223. For so long i was resigned to the fact that there were aspects of myself that I did not like & would carry through life, Universal medicine has supported me to see that this struggle is not true and that within we carry none of these patterns or behaviours, this is just a way of being, survival techniques the we adopt in order to fit in and feel identified. Indeed if we all practiced a way of life that supported us to stay connected to this inner knowing, there would no longer be confined by our surnames, nationalities, age, religion and colour but free to celebrate and thrive by our innate oneness.

224. It is not only families that are meant to be ‘only about love’, the whole of life is designed to be only about love.

225. I suppose we need to live in a way that is consistent and if we treat everyone the same, no judgement and all that which is possible, then family just becomes all of us.

     1. True, there was a time when I would say and believe that I treated everyone equally only I didn’t because I held enormous judgements. It is only since dropping the judgement that I have been able to really start to treat others with more equality.

     2. Love it Kev – all of us together.

226. Families have become a breeding ground for de-volution, rather than the enormous springboard for evolution that they offer us all.

     1. True – families are our training ground to be in brotherhood, to live in harmony and learn to appreciate the flavours others offer us through relationships. Yet we seem to make relationships about filling what we need, being in protection, treating each other poorly or pitting ourselves against each other to get what we want or to defend our hurts. The platform for true family is simply truth and love.

        1. Truth is love and love is truth, one can not exist without the other.

227. Family has become a means by which we separate ourselves from one another, rather than the expression of unification that it truly means.

228. Today’s definition of the family feels like separation, a bit of them and us. Are we all not from the same source? On the bigger scale, we have the family tree of species, and we just happen to be at the top of the primate tree. Speech and our dexterous thumb are all that separates us from other family members. But, are we not all, one from the all!

     1. What is incredible is how we place ourselves as superior to other species who unlike the human species live in harmony to the intelligence of the universe, whereas we often work in disharmony to what is true. We have much to learn from nature and that we are not greater or less that we are all equal.

        1. Many answers for us are in nature but the question is are we ready to observe it to that level and also be ready to admit that perhaps we have been letting the mind, emotions etc run us and get in the way of the beautiful harmony nature clearly displays.

229. Having family determined by the quality and not by blood, then one is never alone and one has all the brothers and sisters that one ever wished for as a child and more. It so gorgeous having such a large and ever expanding family.

     1. I completely agree.

230. When we turn our attention to the quality in which we interact with one another it means striving to create space, respect and decency in our relationships with everyone. There should be no difference in how we speak to or behave towards one another, familiar or not, family is about treating everyone with the same loving care and attention.

     1. And to add to this Rowena – the space, care and respect we actually create with and for ourselves first means we have an amazing marker to relate to all others with. I’ve realised that with level of consideration or care I’ve developed in myself for example, then it feels very natural to share that same level and openness with others – of course that is if I don’t let anything from the mind get in the way.

231. Yes, when growing up I was always feeling shocked by the level of shouting and disrespect that I saw around me in families, teenagers would yell at their parents, parents would yell back and their was a lot of harshness. It is super interesting how we do allow this and even see it as normal (especially around the teenage years) to have this happening in families even though this is not a loving way to be together and there is another way to be together.

     1. It is interesting how communication with the ones we love can get to this. Thanks for sharing this Lieke, it really brings to light how we are holding each other when our level of care can drop so quickly when an issue for example comes in. I wonder how it would all look if our main focus was to understand and support without ‘fixing’ for another.

232. The world ‘quality’ changes everything. Not only should we make family about this, but life, work, our rhythm and overall purpose should be defined by quality as opposed to what we can achieve or functionally ‘do’.

233. Family is our foundation in life. What we accept and allow in family defines how we are in the world. So in building a foundation of love in the family we are supported by this foundation in the world. Most of us were not born with love as our foundation in family, but it is never too late to initiate this Livingness no matter where in life we are, to find when we do, there is truly family everywhere.

234. ‘Family’ is a great topic to raise Johanna, as there are so many under-current ties, expectations, traditions, beliefs, alliances, that often override or clash with present day evolution of a person.

235. I have definitely had the experience many times of meeting someone for the first time and they felt just like family immediately, even though they were not related to me in any way. I feel this is because of the immediate connection we had which just goes to show that we are all human family if we allow it.

236. I understand that family is not about blood or DNA, I have many members of my family that have no blood relationship to me and are closer in some ways, than the family I grew up with. Family is what we make it, I also have family members that are blood related and maybe do not live the way I live, but I honour and cherish these relationships just as deeply. Remembering family is simply a smaller group that we can relate to and teach us about the larger humanity we belong to is important.

237. True family is most definitely about love and connection not DNA or blood.

238. ‘ But what makes us accept these tendrils of untruth? ‘ Great question. I’ve fallen for sympathy – accepted less because I’ve felt the essence of a person who is a relation and how they’re struggling with an aspect of life and so blindly accepted the behaviours they’ve utilised to ‘cope’ that have been unloving. Why haven’t I always said, I love them but their behaviour isn’t acceptable? Because initially I couldn’t differentiate between the person’s essence and their behaviour – something I couldn’t do with myself either – and because I didn’t want to give up my unloving ‘coping’ mechanisms and be alone. But whatever the unloving ‘coping’ behaviour this is keeping a person separated from their essence, they might be with people but they’ll probably feeling alone – I know both applies to how I feel; they’d be no quality or intimacy. Love is calling a person to them who they truly are, it’s the opposite of rejection. Accepting less perpetuates the disconnection between people.

239. This is quite a revelation to our usual way of thinking about love: “we are the ones that actually feed ourselves back” all the love in the universe that is available to us all equally by loving, caring and nurturing ourselves deeply and truly in every way. Then we know what is not love very clearly and added to this there is no possible opening for less than love in us. And we have the capacity to hold and be the fullness of love with All.

240. In truth, we are one big global family and our home is planet earth.

     1. When we look at ourselves and the world in this all-encompassing way, how can we allow the wars and suffering of our family members, and the abuse of our home?

     2. I agree with our Paula and it is so simple, we are all living here on planet earth and call it all home – how ridiculous is it then to put borders and say you belong here and I belong there.

241. ‘Love needs not, it just is – an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony.’ When we choose this for ourselves, like you have said anyone can be called family.

242. ‘Love needs not, it just is – an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony. Wow… now that’s a marker to live from!’
     I love the space that love offers, resulting in more love and a deep connection with everyone and everything.

243. One day everyone will be family when we see that all the things that keep us separate are just illusion.

     1. Spot on, Kevin. We are, in truth, all the same in essence and when we live expressing from and with that understanding then those things that keep us apart fall away.

244. Brilliant Johanna – connection, partnership, Love, care, tenderness – all these words do not live in the things we do, and boxes we tick but the quality with which we live life. Seriously it could be cleaning the chopping board and knife – this is where our sweet depth begins in life.

245. Using the purity of love as a marker is a great guide to how we want to treat other people and what we will allow from them. Family is one of those things like loyalty where we lose sight of our marker of true love and make exceptions because of a perceived allegiance.

     1. True – loyalty is a trap that keeps us imprisoned, there is zero love and truth in loyalty.

246. It’s ironic really ‘We can often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers, let alone justify.’ you would think that as we are ‘closer’ to our family we should be able to call out unloving behaviour more quickly and not tolerate this OR not want to abuse someone so close to us! (not that we should want to abuse anyone we are not close to either!). I love what you have presented here ‘ways of being, saying, “Yes, that belongs” or “No, that does not belong”? Our inner marker would then be our guide, no matter whether someone was biologically related to us, if they were a long-term friend or if they were just someone quite new in our lives.’ and would say we base this (on what is okay and not okay) from how much we love and cherish ourselves? So going by the state of the world today we have a long way to go and an awful lot to heal and change with regards to our living quality. Also as you say for us to be ’willing to embrace our love from within’ .. that is all it takes.

247. The family ideal is very close to the ideal of love. You could say the reinterpretation of love comes from the immediate blood family ‘togetherness’. For me it has been very abusive with little or no care of love or appreciation for who I am and my sensitive sweet harmless nature. I have grown up thinking I’m a burden – that is not love.

248. Even in the face of abuse we justify that ‘family is family’. The only way to shatter the pictures about having different relationships with people based on their roles in our lives, e.g. we might not accept verbal abuse from a co-worker but we would from our family member, is to make care and love two consistent qualities that we establish to the best of our ability in every relationship.

     1. Hear, hear Susie W. Developing consistent relationships with everyone that we meet, This is something I am developing and when I do accept less from one relationship over another, then it is a great reflection for me to look at myself, an opportunity to learn how I can be that little bit more consistent.

249. It’s very interesting to observe how we are with family. As a child I could feel the distinct difference between how I thought I could be with family and how I could be with friends or others, none of them were a true way of being. Bringing it back to being love means that whatever the relationship, it is about that one quality – that unites us.

     1. Beautifully said Rosanna, this is so true. When we live the love that we are, we can feel that everyone is our family. I agree, Love simply unites us all.

     2. Gorgeous. When we come from love (rather than a need) there is a consistency across the board that treats all others the same because that quality standard is the base standard for all relationships.

250. When I was offered my current job I was offered it on the spot, and my interviewer said ‘Would you like to be part of our family?’ It was such a warm welcome and contained an understanding that as a team we are a family. Nothing to do with blood relatives.

251. “We can often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers, let alone justify. Yet we tend to let these slip through for ‘family,’ simply because we have been born into that group or there is a familiarity and a comfort.” This is so true. But when we know the true impact of allowing this kind of behaviour, we have a great opportunity to offer something different to our family members.

252. What you offer us here with your words is to redefine the words we have by breathing life into them by our lived quality instead of allowing a word to define us in the many versions we have allowed it to morph into.

     1. I love this. By how we live and that quality, we are redefining, expanding the livingness of words that have come to refer to a much reduced quality than their potential.

     2. Absolutely Esther; breathing life back into the word – rather than the lie

253. ‘We can often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers, let alone justify. Yet we tend to let these slip through for ‘family,’ simply because we have been born into that group, or there is a familiarity and a comfort.’ We tolerate these behaviours because we are so invested in the ideal of family, or there is such a desperate need to get something from these relationships, because of the lack we feel within ourselves. Empowering ourselves by accepting ourselves for who we are, and appreciating all that we bring, supports in giving us space to observe those behaviours, and to respond appropriately without taking them personally.

254. We have confused family with love and thus we settle for what is familiar, in ignorance of the absence of true love to feel safe. As soon as love and safety become part of the same equation, we put conditions on what we expect love to be, ie. to give us safety. But love is not safe, it is forever evolving and thus not holding onto any form, while staying consistent and true to itself in expression.

     1. Beautifull sharing Alexander, loved what you have expressed here and it has made me see love in a completely different way!

255. I was told some time ago that if something didn’t feel right to me, all I had to say was
     “That doesn’t feel right to me” end of story.
     I use this expression all the time when something doesn’t feel quite right. I may not know exactly what doesn’t feel right, however I am honouring my body and myself by clocking the disturbance and just expressing these simple words. For me I have found these words to be a game changer.

256. It’s a very true feeling to embrace every single person on this planet as one family, that we can actually hold everyone equally in our love, not as an ideal or concept, but that this is our true expression when we live from our soul and the essence of who we are. It’s a great discernment that true family is not one that involves abuse in any way, nor is it limited to blood relatives, but it’s a quality shared between people that comes from love. This way we set the standards for the whole of humanity to return to true family together.

257. One of the killers in families is the comfort and safety of familiarity. Unfortunately we often do not question what is familiar to us because it is ‘normal’, even though it may not be working at all or even abusive.

258. As I look back over my family life, I was abused, berated, lied to, belittled and treated like effluent, all in the name of this being good banter. Finding the way to Love, is through being gentle first, then self-love, before we can understand True Love, that which brings with it an understanding, that True family will always treat you in the same way they would treat themselves. This is the level of Love we can all share with each other.

259. What an immensely powerful family we can become when we choose to call each other family by the quality of our interactions, rather than through our current traditional ideals of family.

     1. Yes, I love this as it unites us all and brings us back to quality and nothing else but quality.

260. There feels to be a great illusion about family and how we all behave together. There could be an unspoken rule that says abuse is not acceptable and how we speak and behave to each other in a family should be no different to how we treat any other person.

261. Keeping in mind the difference between the person and a behaviour I find is so important. We can, always call out behaviours that are not true yet hold the person with care, respect and love.

262. Great blog Johanna, ‘It starts with our living a quality that we feel to be true, honouring and cherishing of ourselves.’ yes and when we do this it naturally extends out to others as this quality is within us all.

263. I think it’s a very worthwhile question to ask what it is that we seek in, or consider ‘togetherness’ to be… To reflect on if it is about true unity, respect, harmony and equality for all, or if we are seeking something to just feel comfortable or secure in, a togetherness of sorts, but for a select group and not in regard of everyone..?

264. “Family Defined by Quality” – anything that is not love, is not family.

265. In theory family is the place of love and harmony, however, in practice it is often far from that and instead is a place where abuse is commonplace. Redefining family by the quality of love instead of blood would revolutionise society.

266. Famalies are great reflections of where we are at and how loving we are with ourselves. There can be many deep hurts and issues exposed or avoided, depending where we are in our evolutionary path, but famalies are also a place where much healing and reconnection can take place if we so choose.

267. Yes, Ariana, this simple discernment of what belongs and does not, allows us to honour what we are feeling and never accept less than loving regard in our relationships no matter what.

268. “Defining Family and Love by quality is a life-changer on a global scale.” Wow, Johanna, this says it all…how we are with each other in our homes determines what we accept out in the world. And as you say, it starts with us – if we do not tolerate less than love within ourselves, all our other relationships will follow suit.

269. I can feel how patterns of behaviour in families mean that each member of it defines their own character and how they interact with others. This all seems fine until someone wants to change or no longer play their role, which exposes the need the other family members have for it to be so – what a great opportunity to change the way a family lives just by being true to who you really are, as opposed to the created roles we have developed.

270. What if we defined our whole life by a quality that is true, divine, absolutely committed and always evolving – perhaps our whole life would be re-defined.

271. Thank you Johanna, this is a great reminder and marker to live from all that we are in truth.
     “Love needs not, it just is – an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony. Wow… now that’s a marker to live from!”

272. In German is a word ‘Wahlverwandtschaft’ – its meaning is similar to ‘chosen relatives’, i.e. the relatives you choose to spend time with. It was mainly used when families were large and lots of relatives to choose from.

273. There are many references to washing the blood from our hands. And, blood is thicker than water, which is a truth, but one cannot wash the other away to show what is true. We are all one family, and we all have the same blood flowing in us.

274. Johanna I only can agree: “… breaking down the false consciousness of family being limited to blood relatives” is really something we need to do. Thank you so much for exposing this old consciousness most of us are so trapped in.

275. Sometimes we find that we have deeper quality relationships with our friends, which we can actually call and relate to as ‘family’ .

276. It is the energetic quality that defines any-one-thing.

277. Families are where the most atrocious abuse occurs. Verbal abuse, physical abuse and psychological abuse are rife. Families are where we tolerate and accept rape and torture and in some families in certain countries rape and torture are actually seen as part of family life. We are living so far from the truth of who we all are, it creates a living agony within us all.

278. “anyone can be family” and the truth is ‘everyone is family’, in fact we are returning to a collective energetic state of being where the term ‘family’ will imply too much separation for who we are in truth.

279. “Defining Family and Love by quality is a life-changer on a global scale.” it would change everything, we would see that what we call family is far from it and yet we can have a meeting with someone in an amazing quality that has more love than how we treat a ‘family’ member. I think if we really got honest as a society we would start to see we are not truly being loving but have the potential to be love and family with all.

280. I love what you have shared here. I am guilty of talking to my family members in a way that I wouldn’t dare speak to anyone else and that is because, on one level, I have an expectation that they will put up with me no matter what, but there is no love in that.

     1. I so relate Rosie, the way we act with those who are closest to us can be abhorrent. The thing is, we have all learnt this over many life-times, and now we know better, because we know we can bring more to our-selves, so that we do not slip back into that same revolting way of expressing to another.

     2. I can definitely relate to this behaviour Rosie and remembered the phrase ‘familiarity breeds contempt’, which sums up the lack of love in these situations. With love comes respect and no entertaining of behaviour from ourselves or others that is less than loving, and this applies not just to our blood families, but to everyone we come into contact with.

     3. There’s often so much hurt held between family members that there’s constant reaction – stuff that really just doesn’t get triggered by others.

        1. Yes that is true, and interesting that with others, I have been either open to work on any stuff or issues, or walk away, but with family we have this ideal that we can’t walk away and I know for me, there have been plenty of times where I have felt that it is easier to play nice, than it is to expose all the hurts and issues and work on them.

     4. I love your honesty Rosie and I agree. I have done the same too and the awesome thing is, I am aware of how I sometimes communicate and express to my family members is not always loving, but I am working on letting go of anything that is not love and to treat everyone as equals.

        1. It is only when we own up and get honest about all of our patterns and behaviours that we can possibly change them. I have no shame, I am not perfect but am open to exposing my weaknesses and working on them. No more burying!

281. ” Love needs not, it just is – an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony. Wow… now that’s a marker to live from! ” yes this is for sure thank you.

282. Our world expands when we embrace the whole of humanity as our family.

     1. It sure does and we expand and evolve when we embrace all others as our brothers and work together.

283. ‘Through accepting what does not feel true, not changing, not speaking up and expressing, not living our fullness, we continue our part in the ill way, keeping ourselves and those around us – those we say we love – less than the greatness we all truly are.’ This is so spot on and each aspect expressed can be deepened in our responsibility to ourselves and others. I can see how I’ve allowed people to carry on not being asked to be the greatness that they are by each of these, shied away from speaking up, being all of me when I’ve let what’s not love to seem greater than it is and then still claim to love when actually my behaviour has been less than loving. It’s not to give myself a hard time over this but be honest and see there is a deeper way to be.

284. I am changing jobs and on my last day at my ‘old’ job, as I was saying goodbye to everyone, I got to feel how incredibly beautiful it is to have allowed myself to form relationships with my work colleagues on a far deeper level than ever before in my life. It allowed me to appreciate the gift we receive and offer when we appreciate everyone equally.

285. When we are holding back from expressing our truth, we are effectively putting up blockades which then prevent us from allowing the relationship to deepen and evolve as it has the potential to do.

286. Whenever we are treating certain people differently to others, whether they are family or not, we have entered into an unspoken arrangement where both parties are getting something out of the ‘deal’. However, this deal affects the energetic quality of the relationship and therefore, the quality of all our relationships.

287. Family defined by quality opens up limitless possibility for universal families.

     1. Beautiful Sandra, this is so true. Also, when family is defined by quality, we get to feel that there is no room for abuse, we will be pulled to call out any abuse or loveless ways that we have often witnessed occur in most ‘family’ situations.

288. Family ties can act like you have your hands tied. Does our devotion to our family mean we give our power away?

     1. Yes – quite often. But we don’t have to.

     2. HI Nikki, a great point and one where for myself that was indeed the case for many many years and lifetimes. The difference now, when I make life and relationships about truth and evolution, is very very different.

289. Every area of our lives transforms when we make it all about the quality we choose to be.

290. “I have found that this true quality of Love in our lives can become our marker of family… breaking down the false consciousness of family being limited to blood relatives.” I feel very close to so many friends who I would call family in an instant, the connection between us is what brings me to feel them as family – no matter their nationality, the love between us knows no borders nor is defined by blood.

291. There are many misinterpretations and misconceptions about what family means that narrow its scope down to a well-protected narrowness; it plays out at the expense of all of humanity and into the hands of exclusivity.

292. Every time that I read that we are all equal, a steadiness enters my body. It drops away any competition to be better than anyone else, and any anxiety about not being as good as someone else. It is the absolute magic of God that we are all equal, that no-one is less or more than another. I know many people (including myself at times) act that way, of being more or less, but in-truth we are not.

293. I always found the saying ‘you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family’ an interesting way of excusing abusive relationships within a family or a lack of love and connection. Family in truth for me is about love, not blood ties or rituals, surnames or location.

294. We all want to belong to a family, whether it is a blood family or friend family. I am feeling how this is also a development – just part of the return to true brotherhood – that doesn’t need ‘family’ at all.

     1. Family is like the sun, it is always there and part of all of us.

295. Father, mother, brother, sister, auntie or whatever…none of these titles allow us special dispensations in how we behave toward another. This is a huge conversation that we really need to blow the lid off.

     1. Why, are these people the ones we feel, we can treat differently and get away with it? Does our front door mask the Petri dish where we test what we can get away with in the bigger world?

        1. I’m not 100% sure that I understand your analogy Steve, but it has got me pondering on chemicals and things like that! I feel that sometimes family can be treated as a dumping ground for the toxicity that we have accumulated from the day and our choices, and thus our homes become these polluted and poisoned reservoirs of garbage that we irresponsibly bring home, dump or just leave festering – which is what can make family such a hazardous place.

296. A really supportive article for humanity to be reading – many of whom are probably still reeling/reacting from the various family interactions over the holiday period, much of which, as you say, we would never allow from strangers. It is a very potent example of how our investment in the creation of life makes us defend this very insidious form of abuse.

297. Family needs to be built on respect and decency, as these are the basic ingredients needs for successful relationships.

     1. This is so true Elizabeth, and I say this due to personal experiences when growing up, where respect was non-existent on many occasions, and where abuse was given a louder voice.

298. Starting the conversation is the way to start bringing to our awareness the trap of family and how we Let things go because of the term. But this is a refreshing and honest way to look at the fact that family can be so much more than biological. Family is community and a network of people who are there to support each other.

299. Keeping our notion of family to just blood relatives provides an exclusion of everybody else. It shuts the world out. If our heart is open then our heart is open. We cannot exclude anybody.

300. I remember a family member saying to me that “blood was thicker than water” it was delivered with quite a force and i remember feeling like i was being threatened, that if i did not comply and make family more important than friends, i would be in deep trouble. It was crystal clear to me in that moment that the blood they were talking about was not loving and accepting but bound by dogma and restrictions.

     1. Yes, I can relate so well to this Lucinda. It is a phrase that is a curse which excuses and allows unimaginable abuse to occur.

301. Yes to making it about love of ourselves and others rather than restricting our definition of family to being blood relatives.

     1. I agree 100% and if we restrict family just to blood then we all miss out. Big time!

302. There is so much potential for support and love to grow and evolve, understand more about ourselves and about others within our families and communities. It says a lot about our refusal to live this potential when domestic abuse and violence is rife in humanity at the moment.

303. I love what you have shared Johanna, because quality in the energy in which we move and express, is then a quality in which we can hold in all situations with anyone. This then redefines the word “family,” for something that is then all encompassing and holding all as family, even the butcher down the street and our sister. Each person can connect to their own body’s movements in a way that supports themselves, and then this quality of love they hold flows out to all others too. Bridging the gap between what we see as family and what is true family.

304. We sometimes make excuses for family when they say something out of turn or in an abusive way, and if we learn to get away with this in family, then it can become a behaviour that we see as being normal and acceptable and take this way of being to everyone else. By learning to be loving with ourselves first, and not accepting less than this with family, we will begin to see changes in our less than loving world. “Defining Family and Love by quality is a life-changer on a global scale.”

305. It can be felt when the love is true in relationships and that true family is not something defined by our blood but a quality and a respectful beholding.

306. In families we often give ourselves permission stay stagnant, accepting the status quo as if we are victims and can do nothing about it, and not taking our responsibility by saying no to any form of abuse. Of course if we allow it there, we allow it in other situations as well.

307. “With our willingness to embrace our love from within, we can be guided by our inner knowing and connection. From here it is easy to see, feel and know that anyone can be family.” Absolutely. When we are open to all relationships equally there are no rules or expectations that sometimes otherwise bind us by ‘family ties’. Everyone becomes the same in terms of how we relate to them.

308. This is so true, Love is never needy – ‘Love needs not, it just is – an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony.’

309. Having this understanding that family is quality and not blood I can feel that I am in family with many more than just my blood relations. Sometimes they feel more like strangers than people I’ve never met before.

310. At present family seems to be an excuse for abuse, defining it by the quality of love is a game changer and a game that is a joy to play.

311. I love the absence of boundaries that I feel with someone who remains in the same inner quality of pure love with me. That quality brings me a sense of brotherhood which makes me experience what a true family really is, beyond blood connections. In fact, even when it’s not possible sharing the same quality on the surface, knowing that in our inner-most we all are one and the same, I can feel within me that everyone is my brother and sister without differences. And this alone, brings me closer to them.

312. Knowing our family from the quality we all hold from within brings an absolute equality in the connection between us. If we all lived this then so many of the ills facing humanity would fade away and not be possible.

313. “Defining Family and Love by quality is a life-changer on a global scale.” Agreed Johanna. Redefining family based on the quality of true love, an unparalleled respect, joy and harmony, certainly establishes new foundations by which to live and relate. When we chose to live life from this foundation, it enables us to dismantle our traditional view of family to see beyond the barriers of name and relative to the wider family we all irrefutably belong to and learn to treat every one, self included, with utmost regard.

     1. I love the way this opens up the word ‘family’ to be examined and unpicked as to the diminished group we have come to accept family to be – when deep down we know in truth, we all belong to the same one.

314. Yes I’ve seen and excused behaviour exhibited by both myself and others because we are ‘family’. For a long time I thought this familiarity was something good. Family to me was a level of comfort in being myself and being accepted just as I was. I now see that this model of family doesn’t truly support anyone to be themselves as we are naturally love and nothing less.

     1. Beautifully put – it’s the ‘model’ of family that many subscribe to that lets us down and accept less. This model also keeps others out. Whereas when we allow ourselves to see that anyone can be family and family is about a known quality – then there’s no separation, just the opening for brotherhood.

     2. ‘Yes I’ve seen and excused behaviour exhibited by both myself and others because we are ‘family’.’ just reading this sentence has brought my attention and awareness to a pattern of behaviour I have been in with a relative. It exposes my belief around ‘because it’s family’, when I know this does not belong to the family of humanity I now feel. Thank you Leonne.

315. The family we choose to be born into and perhaps later marry into can bring a wealth that is far greater than any lottery winning… all we have to do is choose love and then all else falls into place.

316. To me we live in a society that is devoid of true love which is clearly evident in the way we relate to each other. Just the other day I read for example that human trafficking (Slavery) is rising steeply, and probably worse than the ‘gestimated’ figures given. How can we do this to ourselves? We can do this because we live in a loveless society where anything goes.

317. I totally agree with everything you have written Johanna, but there is a but…
     From my experience most of us have no idea what true love is, or how to claim it for ourselves.

318. The concept of ‘family’, as we currently allow it, is very limiting because we relate to a small group of people almost exclusively at the expense of all others, and even then quite often not very well. However if we expanded our consciousness around what true family means then we would realise we are a global family, everyone included – no one less, no one more.

319. Johanna, i love your post on “family”… and this line in particular qualifies the essence of family and what true family stands for: “Yes, that belongs” or “No, that does not belong” – it’s black and white with no grey of compromise. It’s also a simple question to ask yourself about anything/aspect in our lives too.

320. ‘Love needs not, it just is’! Would make a great Tee shirt we should all wear.

321. Love this – how you talk about getting to know the love that you are and then, from this point of love, getting to know what true family is. Therefore letting love be the guide for what is true and what is not.

322. The family of humanity share this home on Earth and share the responsibility to inspire each other to live in harmony, equalness and love.

323. No matter how abhorrent the behaviour of our blood family, in most cases we still rally around and defend them. Because of this belief that we have to look after our family first and foremost no matter what and that we have to be loyal, but what are we really protecting and defending. Could it be that we are aiding and abetting the ill behaviour due to these ideals and beliefs?

324. For far too long family can be something to hide behind, get protected by much like a gang, but the true family you write about is true brotherhood, no blood lines needed just an open and true heart.

325. The image we hold that family should be is best to be discarded and replaced by the model that is true to family which is to build and deepen our love as a group together.

326. The reality is what we don’t get to see – behind the closed doors of most families there is the perennial tension, the ‘checked-outness’, the sharp word, the irritation etc etc. It is what is often expected in families – the expected dynamics as it were.
     This is not how it is meant to be – very far from it.
     But perhaps well before we completely twisted the quality within family, we twisted the word and meaning itself. We made it insular, something that can be contained within 4 walls and a fence outside, and of course we’ve made it exclusive. There is my family and your family and unless there are blood lines between them, they’ll stay at arms length – unless we invite you over for a beer.
     In all of this we have bludgeoned the true meaning of family – in that it is all-inclusive, it cannot be contained within one building separate to another, and that the people on the other side of the world being slain by drug lords are also my brothers. What is happening to them is far from having no association with me.
     There is a responsibility needed with true family and this is what we keep wanting to avoid.

327. It is interesting to observe the behaviours we allow under the title of ‘family’. There is often a sense of entitlement or right when these ill behaviours are imposed upon others within our families. If we defined quality by family I am unsure how many would pass.

328. Great point. The definition of family depends on what we recognise as the familiarity. If we are first not aware of the essence of who we truly are, we won’t see it in others as the familiarity we all share hence the foundation of our family.

329. What often surprises me is the way family members can behave around weddings. it is a time of coming together to celebrate a couples love for one another, and yet it can become very individualistic and personal for some members – Xmas can be like this too – when the coming together is seen as a time to bring out all the undealt-with hurts from childhood, and or adulthood!

330. A timely blog for this time of the year when many families get together for Christmas or New Year celebrations after not seeing each other for some time. Unfortunately, not all these reunions will run smoothly as often there will be long held issues between family members that are unresolved and simply waiting for the fuse to be lit. But just imagine if everyone came to these family events with no hurts, no agendas but with the sole purpose of being love. Maybe then everyone will experience a little taste of what true family is.

331. Everyone deserves to be treated with the same level of love and consideration, whether they are blood relatives or not, equally, it’s up to us to say no to any level of abuse, wherever it is coming from. Until we say ‘no’ and call out the ill-behaviour, it will continue to come in all areas of our life.

332. It is quite extraordinary that we will put up with behaviour from ‘blood’ family that we would not tolerate or allow in any other relationships. This shows there is either a comfort in the status quo or an investment for us in having these behaviours around us… either way they are not healthy reasons for anyone.

333. Thank you for another brilliant article, Johannna …. ‘We can often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers, let alone justify.’ – yes, I have done this countless times. It’s as though the ‘blood bond’ demands special privileges, family comes first, always look after your family …. however, where does this way of ‘thinking’ leave us when we are not being treated with love, when we are being verbally or physically abused? If we allow this behaviour to continue, we are saying it is ok, when it very clearly isn’t. Once we have allowed this pattern of behaviour to start, it can be much harder to break as we are now also a part of the abuse.

334. An important topic to explore and expose what gets in the way of us being ourselves within ‘family’. The consciousness of family as it is widely known now supports jealousy, abuse, lying, manipulation and more loveless acts as our internal radar is switched to very low because well ‘its Family!’.

335. We have to choose love, it’s always there but it’s for us to choose it. And one of the things that stops us is ‘that familiarity and comfort’ we find in family and friendship groups, until we make it about love first no matter what.

336. ‘I have found that this true quality of Love in our lives can become our marker of family… breaking down the false consciousness of family being limited to blood relatives.’ This is just beautiful and something I’ve felt already but still the false consciousnesses have got in the way. One of which I now notice is a strong attachment to comfort. If family are people who’ll stand by you no matter what this actually negates responsibility to live with quality that honours oneself and others. In fact this notion of blood is thicker than water goes hand in hand with accepting abuse when actually it is more loving to say, you may be my brother in blood but the way you are acting doesn’t make you family, I still love you and will support you if you allow, but I won’t put up with the abuse. Imagine how responsible we would be as a society if this was so?

337. I have often thought of that, why would I put up with the way someone is treating me that wasn’t my family, so why do I put up with it from blood family. Taking responsibility for what we allow, whether we choose decency and respect as a bare minimum and then build it up to be the Loving Quality that you are talking about. A quality that we know deep down exists and when we finally choose it for ourselves then others can feel it within themselves too. Super powerful.

338. I agree we have many perceptions in our lives and family and how we are with family is one of those. So too is the perception that we can accept or that we do accept one thing or allow one thing from a particular person, group or family and for it not to be the same everywhere. As we are seeing with many many more things and as has been in the past well documented, all is energy first. So in this case no matter who we are fronted with or what group we are a part of all that we are ‘doing’ is with everyone regardless of how closed the doors are and what perceptions are telling us. In this way ‘family’ is only defined by our perception and as the article is saying, what family is for some isn’t the same for others and so there is truly no ‘ideal’ family.

339. ‘With our willingness to embrace our love from within, we can be guided by our inner knowing and connection. From here it is easy to see, feel and know that anyone can be family.’ In fact we are all family and we have a responsibility to treat everybody with true decency, love, respect and dignity and not allow anything less from others. This article exposes what we tolerate in the name of ‘blood family’ that is not loving. We often allow abuse to avoid reactions or exposing issues and hurts. Living a true quality of love supports others to do the same and embraces everyone.

340. Timely to read just after looking at a whats app group from my family called ‘family’ and feeling my sense of family maybe different to theres! My knowing of family is not just the group of people I was born into it, is far wider than that and essential we all are one. One huge family. Regarding this with family ‘there is one thread of ‘togetherness’ or people ‘sticking together.’ I am not always sure this is the case as it is said that most people who are abused, it is from another family member. But yes ultimately I feel we hold a lot of ill ideals and beliefs around family, a great topic to discuss.

341. Brilliant blog Johanna. I was pondering on this ‘What if we only defined family by quality’ and this quality is love. Unfortunately, when I look around at families it is very rare to witness families that reflect love, it is more common in our society to see abuse and conflict. So, if we define what true family is, by the quality of love, then it is shocking to see how many families are actually not living true family but a false version, steeped in abuse and blame.

342. The very thing we seek to make us happy and content is the poison that keeps us apart. The true joy and union we actually come from is bigger than our mind can comprehend. Our family as you show Johanna is humanity down to every last atom – not nuclear as we say but universal.

343. We are united by love, not blood. Yet we use family as an excuse to ‘come together’ that often is not a coming together at all, but more so a collusion of people that are related by blood to not expose all that is not love within the family. It is the old ‘I’ll watch your back if you watch mine’ clause otherwise known as ‘I’ll defend your creation if you defend mine’. That is. We use ‘family’ to bind us together in this way that is more of a ‘cementing’ than it is a true bond. For a true ‘bond’ is one where there is a common ground of true love and shared values that speak of a truth we all know that unifies all and not simply beliefs we have adopted that suit our chosen trajectory in life and close our eyes to what is really going on because there is a certain comfort for us in this. To expose that which is not love takes a great degree of strength and humbleness because not only are we going against what we have set up as the norm in our society, we also have to be willing to see what has had a hold of us that is not true to the love that we are.

344. I feel to truly be open to the idea of True Family can occur in our biological families but we as individuals will first be required to renounce our “me time” and the pockets in which we use to hide which generally occurs in areas of our private homes.

345. The familiarity and at times sloppy casualness in families often hides a lot of unresolved emotions, simmering conflicts and undealt-with hurts.

     1. ‘ sloppy casualness’ I love this accurate description. It’s not that we are to put up pretences or airs but are transparent about our feelings and look to heal our unresolved hurts – which is very different to thinking letting ‘it all hang out’ is being honest about who we are when actually being sloppy isn’t who we are in truth.

     2. I agree gabrieleconrad but what happens when one person within the family chooses love? I know for one thing a tension is created within the family. No longer can we stay in the familiar comfort that we have been so accustomed to. Yes it can be uncomfortable when we begin to call out that which is not love as hurts are exposed but surely to expose hurts within myself and others is living a life towards real love within a family instead of the ill, illusionary picture we become so invested in covering up our hurts and pretending that everything is ok when clearly it isn’t.

346. Yes, blood family seem to have a get out of jail free cards in terms of behaviour. How often do we accept abuse, of any kind simply because we’re taught to believe that blood is thicker than water and hence forgiveness is the name of the game. Yet, we would not accept the same abuse from a passer by. It’s not different, no matter how much we try to defend it, it simply is not different. There is never any need for someone to treat another as less than who they are, simple.

     1. I agree and I understand what you are saying and I also see that I am not sure we truly “accept abuse” we merely put a nicer or polite face on in different areas. I mean abuse is abuse and if you are seeing it or not seeing it in one area then it’s the same everywhere and so it can only be a perception or a front we use to make it look like here it’s ok and here it’s not. As I said I agree with what is being said only that it can all only be perception based, an outer layer game of chess as what is happening inside and what you are feeling can’t change. It’s truly impossible and yet we make it seem like we can do it and like the saying similarly goes, ‘looks are only skin deep’.

     2. As you say Elodie, we do not have to accept any abuse because it is from within ‘family’ while we would never accept this same abuse from anybody else. But it actually all comes down to how much love we have built in ourselves as a foundation.Currently most families are not about love but about blood, we all have a different level of love and therefore are able to accept the level of abuse that is in families which we think is normal too because we feel and want to be part of it because of a need.

347. Why is it we sometimes allow abuse from someone we are close to?

     If we can get past our protection and safety, that we feel we get from many relationships, family can be an opportunity to heal our hurts and truly evolve. That is why we have the family that we have.

     Deep down we are all longing to deepen our relationship with everyone. Family is a good place to practice presenting your truth. Then it is easier to speak what you know is true in other situations.

     So rock the boat, call out what is not love! It may be scary at first, but it can start a conversation that can totally change the dynamics in your family!

     1. Beautifully said Ken. We think it is safer to be in a boat that is not rocked, but often this can mean that it is is becalmed in an ocean of inertia where nothing changes, no one grows. Here, an effort no matter how small, to rock or even to start to row, can mean the difference between stuckness and flow in relation ‘ships’,

        1. Haha… enjoyed the analogy Jeanette and “… relation ‘ships’ 🙂

     2. Agree Ken – families are wonderful opportunities to heal our hurts and pains and evolve further in love and truth.
        We love to the degree that we can heal these hurts and pains. So from this perspective I appreciate my blood family because this had been my most profound healing.

348. I really like what you have to say Johanna, powerful words and a true call to humanity.

349. Love this post about true family – “It starts with our living a quality that we feel to be true, honouring and cherishing of ourselves. This lived quality then feeds us back….” When we claim that we are love anyone can be family.

350. There is much about ‘family’ that we can ask questions on. I have been observing for myself is how we can feel part of a family that we have not been born into. Friends in other words and how they let you into their lives openly and warmheartedly. They don’t even need to be particularly close. I have felt that numerous times where I feel at home and very welcomed and supported as one of the household. These experiences really open up the question what is family for me, but I feel there is a long way for me to explore on this topic.

     1. I agree and how changeable ‘family’ is. I mean what I see family is for me I am sure is very different from what you see family is and as you are saying it can change after being around certain people or places. It seems the world appears to hold onto a ‘norm’ of family that we all buy into in whatever way but when it all comes down to it we are really all the same. It reminds me of when things like a disaster etc happen and people come together and everyone feels the support and many would say they feel like ‘family’ to each other and I know I have felt the same way. I guess if you live how you see family then it allows others to see and choose the same if they feel to and that’s how anything becomes ‘the norm’, it’s merely a large body of people choosing to be the same way or of the same quality.

     2. I can agree and confirm Jennifer, do we really know what true family is and means for people?

     3. Great point Jennifer. The word family seems related to familiarity to me and there have been times where someone who was a stranger 5 minures ago feels like family to me. Perhaps true family is as simple as feeling and seeing the true essence of others and letting them in.

351. I like this ‘it either belongs or it doesn’t’ simple.

     1. Because it sings of the simple truth we all know – that it is only love or not love, it belongs or it doesn’t. It really is this black and white yet we invent the shades of grey to avoid such simplicity and thus create the complication that blurs the boundaries of that which we each in essence know to be either true or not true. And forget ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. These are seeming opposites that are from the same pool of consciousness that have nothing to do with what is true or not true but act as a decoy so we avoid it.

352. Family is a strong consciousness, which is delightfully broken down in this blog. Thank you Johanna.

353. In the whole illusion of the current democracy, we have created the word “family” which is a complete lie and is limiting us from the absolute truth that we in fact know, that we are all connected, we are bound by our love inside – which is what everyone is made of. So excluding one group, or a group of physical family members, is actually a big illusion.

354. What I appreciate about this approach to family and life based on a feeling of the quality expressed being that of love and belonging or not belonging is that it really helps to eliminate all the gray areas of abuse and other non-supportive behaviours and interactions that we have with each other. I have found for myself that when I simply stop and feel the quality of something being expressed it is very obvious whether it is of love and care or not, which then helps me to understand a situation better and only allow what belongs in my life to support me and others. Of course, a foundation of this approach based on connecting to that sense of stillness that is inside us when we are connected to our bodies is essential as a marker of what is the truth.

     1. Understanding is key isn’t it Michael. If we start with this in all our relationship – including the one with ourselves – there is no room for judgement and it allows us to feel equality.

355. Love being the marker for what family means gives us permission to say no to that which is not love, even if it concerns blood relatives.

     1. Awesome comment Carolien. Isn’t it amazing how love works? When we understand what love is, it supports us to break free from anything that is not loving and it supports us to expose the lies we may have been holding on to. I can feel the word ‘Family’ is one them, there seems to be a heavy consciousness around the word family that is being exposed here. When we use love as a marker, we begin to see what true family is and often it is not blood related.

        1. absolutely and not only that, it exposes that the false claim of love through blood family gives us an excuse to be more abusive and crude with each other then we would be with others. Rather ridiculous,take a step back and observe it.

356. I love the true definition of family which has actually everything to do with being connected through love and nothing to do with being connected through blood.

     1. This is a great and simple way to look at it Monika. I really like it and will use this expression going forward, thank you. Taking it deeper it is actually scientific garbage and really exposes the absurdity behind the ideals of family. Family members don’t share blood – indeed it is very common for them to not even share the same blood type! – so there really is no connection through blood whatsoever. But what family members do share (as do we all) is the fact that we are all connected by our equal craving of true love.

357. The more I open up to family being everyone the more I am able to let love in and express love. It’s a beautiful unfoldment which just wasn’t possible when my feeling of family was limited to my relations.

358. It is a game changer to realise we experience love, when we open our heart and hold ourselves and others in love. The sense of belonging that we seek comes from us letting others in. From such a place we know when to apply understanding, when to say ‘no’ and when to offer support. And we start to realise that everyone, the whole of humanity, is ‘family’.

     1. Beautifully Golnaz, I love what you’ve shared. When we fully embrace the fact that the whole of humanity is our family, then we get to see and experience everyone as equals. It dissolves the ‘us and them’, it opens up our hearts, our doors, our homes and breaks down barriers, racism, cultures, classism and the list goes on.

359. It’s true that, ‘We often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers…’ Put in this light, it doesn’t make sense, does it? Not wanting to rock the boat, or make a situation worse was one of the main reasons why I didn’t want to speak up, but in the not speaking up I definitely diminished myself and allowed the ill cycle to continue.

360. Love the simplicity of this Johanna ““Yes, that belongs” or “No, that does not belong””, it either is love or it isn’t love!

361. I love you bring this up because there is a lot of disregard and sometimes even abuse in families that gets accepted because it is someone from our family and we feel unable to say no, stop or see it as normai even though it is not. And often these things we don’t accept from others outside our family. It is great to ponder on.

362. Where there is love there is family. So when we are living the love that we innately are, everyone is family. This is a lovely marker to take into this new year – and the awareness that anything less is in truth, abuse.

363. I think it’s great to reflect on how we are with our relatives and close friends, to consider if there are ways or patterns of behaving that we ignore that actually don’t feel loving or true, both from others and from ourself, and if so then we can start to look at what’s going on behind that and to open up to ways of being more honest, loving and respectful with one another.

364. Love asks nothing of anyone as love is a being-ness.

     1. Beautifully phrased, Kathleen, I love the space that love is and offers.

365. People talk a lot about their “family” but the moment we limit family to blood family we have lost the truth of what family is all about. We are all family, every single person on the planet is a member of our family and when we forget this we are lost in a sea of mistruths.

366. A cracker of a blog Johanna that is bringing awareness to how exactly how we express ourselves with family members and life.
     Questioning whether or not there is a true quality of expression that is based on love in any family is a confirming marker for what is true to express in all relationships – then we only have one family that encompasses everyone we connect with in life.
     “What if we only defined family by quality, a knowing of a true quality, which then guided us to consider behaviours and ways of being, saying, “Yes, that belongs” or “No, that does not belong”? Our inner marker would then be our guide, no matter whether someone was biologically related to us, if they were a long-term friend or if they were just someone quite new in our lives”.

367. Thank you Johanna for this wonderful sharing. I love your words “With our willingness to embrace our love from within we can be guided by our inner knowing and connection. From here it is easy to see, feel, and know that anyone can be family”.

368. How timely to be writing this at this time of year Johanna! You feel like family to me – and I also have blood relatives who do not express love but i still feel they are family too ! Thankyou for this wise blog.

     1. Thank you for this Debra, it’s highlighted to me that while some of my blood family do not express love that doesn’t mean I should not be love with them.

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