Family Defined by Quality

The word family can mean a lot of different things to different people all over the world. Within all of these meanings, there is one thread of ‘togetherness’ or people ‘sticking together.’ However, there seems to be a range of definitions that describes this ‘togetherness’ and keeps people who call themselves family together.

These definitions of togetherness are often identified by the behaviours, patterns, beliefs and ideals within family groups that we continue to play out and express with each other, many of which may not be good or true for us and our wellbeing.

We can often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers, let alone justify. Yet we tend to let these slip through for ‘family,’ simply because we have been born into that group or there is a familiarity and a comfort.

If this is the case, then it means that family – something that should be only about love – can become something that is not loving and can actually be harming and abusive. And abuse here is anything less than the deep love we know within our heart, the grandness we are all from. But what makes us accept these tendrils of untruth? What part do we each play in this?

We do know from deep within our body, from the things that hurt us, that certain behaviours, patterns and so on do not belong with who we truly are. Through accepting what does not feel true, not changing, not speaking up and expressing, not living our fullness, we continue our part in the ill way, keeping ourselves and those around us – those we say we love – less than the greatness we all truly are.

Let’s come from a different angle. What if we only defined family by quality, a knowing of a true quality, which then guided us to consider behaviours and ways of being, saying, Yes, that belongs” or No, that does not belong”?  Our inner marker would then be our guide, no matter whether someone was biologically related to us, if they were a long-term friend or if they were just someone quite new in our lives.

This quality would support us to be with ourselves and others in a way that comes from true decency and respect. It would not allow us to be or accept anything less than this. From this place of our inner-knowing, we would be able to clearly see patterns and behaviours that are not part of our inner essence and yet still continue to hold everyone in love, knowing we are all equal within our hearts and essence.  

It starts with our living a quality that we feel to be true, honouring and cherishing of ourselves. This lived quality then feeds us back, leaving us unimposing, not putting conditions or expectations on others to supply us with a love we want but are not giving ourselves first.

Love needs not, it just is – an emanation of purity, joy, stillness and harmony. Wow… now that’s a marker to live from!

If we want love in our lives, we must claim it and this claiming starts with self. Love starts with knowing our inner-most and its quality – then letting that be our gauge for how we treat ourselves, how we are with others, how we move and walk through life in all that we do… And from here, our love deep within becomes our marker of what true family means.

I have found that this true quality of Love in our lives can become our marker of family… breaking down the false consciousness of family being limited to blood relatives.

With our willingness to embrace our love from within, we can be guided by our inner knowing and connection. From here it is easy to see, feel and know that anyone can be family.

Defining Family and Love by quality is a life-changer on a global scale.

By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Graduate Certificate of Early Childhood, Studying Diploma of Counseling, Esoteric Complementary Health Practitioner, Woman, Teacher, Mother, Wife and Friend

Further Reading:
True Family
Family Love
A true family model for the 21st century

612 thoughts on “Family Defined by Quality

  1. It is funny (or rather not so funny) that the very place where we should feel safe, respected, loved and be a foundation for all other relationship can actually be the complete opposite and one of abuse or ill things we tolerate ‘We can often come to tolerate or accept behaviours and ways of being from family members that we would deem unacceptable from strangers, let alone justify. Yet we tend to let these slip through for ‘family,’ simply because we have been born into that group or there is a familiarity and a comfort.’ To me, this then shows it is paramount to first have this solid and strong foundation within ourselves of self-worth and deep valuing so we do not tolerate or accept any behaviour that is not, or is less than love including the family we are born into. In my life and many others Universal Medicine is such a place that reflects, steadies and leads the way with such a foundation which oh my goodness is so vitally needed in the world today.

  2. ‘Defining family and love by quality is a life changer on a global scale. ‘ I so agree Johanna. These days quality defines everything. For me it used to be all about quantity, how much I could fit into a day. No more. Quality it is.

  3. “Love starts with knowing our inner-most and its quality – then letting that be our gauge for how we treat ourselves, how we are with others, how we move and walk through life in all that we do… And from here, our love deep within becomes our marker of what true family means.” We could also go so far as to say that the quality of love is a marker for true relationship, not just family. The quality we feel is the only way to get to and live the truth of love because the mind is full of ideas about what family and love is, many of which are not love at all.

  4. There is not always togetherness in families, in fact there are many that are disjointed. Maybe we need to take the word family out and replace it with relationship and look at all of our relationships across the board including the one with ourselves!

  5. “family – something that should be only about love – can become something that is not loving and can actually be harming and abusive.” The fact that women die everyday from domestic abuse alone shows us the degree of trouble we are in with family. It’s time to re-evaluate family.

    1. Yes, the most abuse – and often hidden from others – can occur in families. Anything that isn’t love is abuse. Realising this was a new marker for me.

  6. ‘What if we only defined family by quality, a knowing of a true quality…’ this would then include everyone and not just a select few which keeps us separated with everyone.

  7. To make family about true love and quality, I feel we need to know this first within ourselves. In all honesty I would not know this as clear and well as I do now without the reflection of the Benhayon family. In their constant livingness of integrity, love, care and deep respect for one another, I now know that this can be lived and how I can live this, and in turn have seen all my relationships change for the better because of this.

  8. Decency and respect definitely help us form the foundations of quality in our relationships – for without them disorder and mayhem will reign.

  9. If we do not choose to live our lives with a “true quality of Love”, we will find that the relationships we have with others do not contain this quality either. Living a life where we are committed to living in the truest way possible, naturally then ripples out to all those around us, no matter the length, the depth or the closeness of our relationship.

  10. Once we react we are out of love and any thought we might have thereafter is liable to be from a place that supports no one. Reconnecting to love through our movements – for and with ourselves can reconnect us again.

  11. To know true family, means coming back deep within to know who we truly are in essence, and there the whole is revealed to a one to know the One.

  12. If family was about ‘togetherness’ then how is it that domestic violence/abuse of all sorts can occur with in the family network? It is a sad state of affairs. I’ve been pondering on this for some time now. It’s in the news, hospitals and it’s even silently occurring.

    I’m discovering family is not just about blood relations, it’s about everyone around us. Love does not distinguish, it is equal for all and to all.

    1. What a great comment Sushila, where you astutely ask the question about why domestic violence occurs in families, a place that most regard as sacrosanct. It is as if we think that we can behave exactly as we want, for as far as we are concerned, if we are family we are expected to put up with any sort of behaviour, behaviour if we inflicted on our friends would have them making a very quick exit from our lives. So much to ponder on as far as what family truly is.

  13. We are able to redefine family once we choose to live the true meaning of family but at the moment on a world-wide scale, many of us are living the false version of family which is filled with abuse. We witness a world-wide scale of abuse because of what is being played out in our own homes, so the responsibility to live in true family comes back to us individually.

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