Have you ever experienced a time when you have invested in something and then you have held onto it so strongly just because of the amount of money it cost you, or the crazy amount of time you have spent on it?
I know from experience that I have invested money in lots of different things and some of it I knew didn’t quite feel right, even if it sounded right and ticked all the boxes. But because I had invested my hard earned money into it, there was no way I was going to give up on it. I then wanted to prove it was okay because after all, I was going to look like a fool otherwise.
I have also invested in things that didn’t cost me money, but cost me time, and lots of it… at the expense of spending time with my family or friends, or even time for me. So again, I felt like I didn’t want that to be wrong or to accept that just maybe I had wasted my time or I had become caught up in something that was completely wrong.
I have spent time and money, and lots of it, searching in spiritual pursuits, looking for answers, reading self-help books and practising this and that, only to get to a point where I felt like I was completely lost and fooled – in fact, by the information that I had been consuming. Part of me wants to blame the guru, the teacher, the meditation teacher… or anyone else but myself. Now I can see how I made all the choices to seek them out, invest in them and carry on investing in them, even when I had on several occasions an inkling that something just wasn’t right. I remember getting really angry at the thought that I had believed something and trusted someone to only realise that it was all a big lie.
I don’t need to name them all here, but I think you can get the picture.
I have also got my friends into the things I invested in too… so the realisation that I not only led myself astray, but also others, hurt. It really sucks in fact, but rather than own up to it and shed the light for everyone to see, there were times I just kept it in, just so I wouldn’t have to deal with it… but then we all suffer, so no more of that. I feel now that it is better to expose it all and show our imperfections and share with others so we can all learn together because after all, it is really easy for us to get misled or to get caught up in things that really don’t serve us, or anyone for that matter.
How did I get to this understanding? How am I sure that I know that what I am investing my time and money in is working? Well, the truth is, I have trialled and tested, looked at it from many angles and questioned, and now I know from experience.
Today I invest with discernment and not just because someone else is doing it. One thing I now invest in is Universal Medicine. I have trialled and felt the support in my body from sessions, courses, presentations and workshops. Nothing airy-fairy, no guru to follow. And the difference in me is so huge that I have saved $$$, not lost it. And time wise, I am busier than ever before and because of that I use my time wisely and do not waste hours upon hours in meditation, dreaming that life will change because now I am out there making the change.
Now I understand why I chose what I did in the past, in ‘my spiritual quest,’ as it allowed me to continue being irresponsible with how I was with myself and others, and it did not ask me to be all of who I am. It suited me at the time. I preferred to blame than to look within. I wanted someone else to do it for me. I had chosen to be a victim and a ‘poor me,’ and I was identified with it.
These days I enjoy being responsible, choosing my way and I love the results I now reap because of the choices I make. I feel more claimed in the woman I am, more confident with the way I live and express in the world because I have grown to love and accept myself more and more. No more blame, just more care for me and that then affects everyone around me. It’s a win win for all of us.
By Rosie Bason, Massage Therapist