Life beyond Anger

By F.L, Canberra, Australia, Registered health care professional

I have been attending workshops and having sessions with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for the last four years, and I can speak from my own experience as to how they supported me, and what they are truly about. I had a very unhappy childhood, followed by a chaotic, abusive teenage time and then a disgruntled adulthood. This culminated in a very cynical perspective on most people I had met. I was totally alienated from my entire family, decided I had “had it” with them all, and had lots of issues trying to cope with my own children. I considered the option of escaping by ending it all, but never quite got around to it, and somehow knew deep within it wasn’t the answer. Besides, the way I was going, there were bound to be aspects of the afterlife that irked me as well! The prospect of being free of my woes was impossible to imagine. I often reacted badly to everyone and everything that didn’t go my way. In short, I was a mess.

I had sought help via Buddhism and found that although I loved everything the Dalai Lama had to say and it all resonated deeply, and I could pass any written exam on Buddhist principles, I could never find a path to actually living any of the principles he presented for more than five minutes – I concluded I would eventually get there in another 1000 lives.

I attended a Universal Medicine retreat in 2008 that was life changing. I learned that I had choices and responsibilities. This was huge for me as I was used to simply blaming everything on my ‘circumstances’, or if my mother had loved me, or if this person was nicer or if that was different, etc, etc. This shift in perspective allowed me to actually see how I had contributed to the life I complained so much about – a big pill to swallow, but a very empowering one when grasped.

I slowly began to relearn how to live; it was the first time it had ever been put to me that there was a way of living that could help me with my perceived problems, and I was willing to give it a try. It wasn’t an easy path for me at first… it took time. I worked steadily with Serge Benhayon or Natalie Benhayon, later Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon and Caroline Raphael. I wasn’t always as willing to let go of the ‘victim’ mentality and the comforts it brought; it had been a longstanding pattern and wasn’t going to shift straightaway. Sometimes I argued at them and felt quite disappointed that they did not indulge me or give me any sympathy. What I couldn’t walk away from though, was the feeling of being truly understood and held in love. That was so crucial for my recovery as I really had not felt that before. It allowed me space to turn around the trajectory of my life. They simply reminded me that I had choices, that being a victim or reactive was a choice too. Slowly I came to see this was so – and understand just how powerful this awareness is…

At all times during this relearning phase I felt totally accepted and loved for who I was. The Universal Medicine practitioners never gave up on me, never judged me, never shunned me, never told me what to do, just simply showed me consistently that there was another way to be in life, and helped me discover that I could also choose it for me – that it really was possible.

Some four years later, against all odds, my family and I have reconciled: they noticed the change in me, and instead of being repelled by me they now seek me out. I am getting comments from them like; “…whatever it is that you are doing, keep doing it”, “You look comfortable in your own skin”, and finally, “…when are you coming to visit?”.

One has even asked, “Who is this Serge? I want to meet him as I can see how happy you are now” ­ (totally unsolicited comment). I barely mention Serge… I don’t have to, they can be inspired by how I am with their own unexpected perceptions of my stability, contentedness and calmness. Serge is not the point anyway; it’s all about ME and what I can now offer to myself and then others.

Many other areas of my life have likewise improved; my bosses now seek me out from time to time for my calm and fair approach to work situations. Incidentally I now love being at work, it’s wonderful connecting with people there, and my job has much greater meaning. My kids are pleased that I am more willing to just connect, not just shout at them, and they love meeting the Benhayons (and many others associated with Universal Medicine) when the chance presents.

Interestingly enough, the Benhayons or Universal Medicine practitioners don’t regard me more favourably due to my being much less reactive and more loving these days. They are unattached to my choices and the outcomes that follow. If they never saw me again it wouldn’t trouble them. They simply inspired me to wisely choose how I respond to life and leave me to continue this way forward in my own time, preferably sooner than later, for my own sake! This has been wonderful, there is no one to impress, there are no favourites, no goals to meet, just a chance to truly grow.

I am so glad I didn’t give up or keep branding myself a ‘hopeless’ case. I took the opportunity to consider another way of living. I am not perfect, but I now have fulfilment and true peace within me regularly. The flow-on effect in terms of my outlook on life, and therefore my personal relationships, has been incredibly rewarding.

I look forward to the rest of my life now… in many ways this story of recovery is only the beginning. 

719 thoughts on “Life beyond Anger

  1. This rings true to me too
    “This culminated in a very cynical perspective on most people I had met.”
    put that with reacting badly to most people, makes quite a toxic life for everyone as everyone is effected by our reactions, but when we are in the mud all we can see and feel is the mud and maybe we are not bothered about other people as we are so consumed with ourselves to notice anyone else.

  2. One of the MANY things I love about Universal Medicine is the way very practical and simple things are given to support all to re-connect to and integrate the Ageless Wisdom teachings into our lives … meaning we don’t have to live another 1,000 lives to get there ✨ ‘I attended a Universal Medicine retreat in 2008 that was life changing. I learned that I had choices and responsibilities.’

  3. “I was used to simply blaming everything on my ‘circumstances’, or if my mother had loved me, or if this person was nicer or if that was different, etc, etc.” We can be so invested in how life is supposed to be, and of course it never will meet the expectations and pictures we have so it’s a perfect set up to feel disempowered and reactive because of what’s happening outside ourselves. And, it’s an enormous distraction away from the huge power we have within ourselves, a power that needs nothing from the outside world as it’s complete as it is.

    1. On a basic level we know what love is, what it looks like and how it is naturally expressed. When we don’t feel this, see this and see it expressed by those nearest to us, we quickly turn in on ourselves while harbouring a grudge to all those around us who we feel are short changing us. Within this we negate all responsibility of loving ourselves and expressing that naturally to others, contributing to the loveless pool we are so much in reaction to.

  4. ‘They are unattached to my choices and the outcomes that follow. ‘ I have felt this. At first I didn’t like it because I was so used to people getting off on my mistakes, my successes but all of that attention I wasn’t seen for who I was which, like everyone, is a powerful being making choices. Being completely loved no matter what my choices – loving or very unloving was new to me. It was the first time I felt the reality that this is my life – the teenage pushing of boundaries, reactions and blaming were only smoke screens to embracing the fact my choices and life is completely my responsibility.

  5. Anger is a smokescreen for fragility and sensitivity. I was a very angry person for a very long time and it’s only in recent years that I have come to feel that all of my anger and extreme hardness was all stuff and nonsense that I was displaying in a desperate attempt to protect my very delicate and sensitive nature.

    1. There is such a simplicity to sorting out the mess we are collectively in. Supporting ourselves, and then enabling our children, to stay connected to that sensitivity without shame or judgment, but in appreciation that it is one of our greatest assets.

      1. What an absolutely dreadful state of affairs to be in Michelle, to be living in such a way that we feel shame and/or judgement for being sensitive. But you know what, I have bullied people for being sensitive, looking back I think I did it because I couldn’t bear the reflection of what I’d chosen to leave behind.

      2. When you feel like a victim of such bullying it is hard to read why another expresses this way. When we can however, it supports not to take it on as understanding can be brought to the situation, but that is the most that can be done. I am not sure how honest others would be in your shoes Alexis, being in deep denial of the hurt they are carrying and so if nominated in the moment may not be accepted.

      3. and the denial of the fact that we are hurt is Michelle, indeed very deep. I was convinced that not only was I not carrying any pain but that I was skipping my way through life. Well pretty much over night my body stopped skipping and showed me that I was in fact carrying pain, pain that I had buried so deeply that I had no conscious awareness that it was there.

      4. I love this conversation because what you are sharing is so true for so many of us. I can relate to what you are sharing but also to add that an enormous arrogance companies this denial and is a double whammy for the body, as you have shared so willingly here.

      5. Oh Michelle I agree with what you have shared about arrogance, especially the arrogance of the spirit embroiled in the spiritual consciousness, it’s colossal. I was heavily embroiled in the spiritual consciousness, all of my movements (so that includes every single word that came out of my mouth as well as every single thought in my head) was generated by a consciousness that is hellbent on keeping us away from the truth of who we are and yet…….and yet I thought that I was supporting people to return to the truth of who they are. And so all I was doing was supporting people to bury themselves deeper and deeper in the illusion. I was aiding and abetting the very energetic source that is responsible for keeping us away from God, whilst believing that I was dedicating myself to God. How cunning is this consciousness to get people to do it’s dirty work for it, all in the name of God!

  6. When I read this blog again, it felt you had written about me. I shudder to think that this was a life I once used to live. It’s the anger and the victimhood that pervaded my life and from time to time, it plays out in subtle ways letting me know its still loitering. But the one thing I can say, is that it doesn’t grab me like it used to. I now look at the part I play in it and how I can out, and heal it.

    Life is much more different for me, thank goodness the anger has dissipated and doesn’t rule me like it used to. Now I can truely look at life from a different perspective.

    1. I can relate Shushila, even though my life still has ups and downs I now have so many tools to examine my part in it and restore my connection to myself. It’s an enormous learning process but the sense of victim-hood is diminishing with each step I make to take responsibility for myself and restore my inner power.

  7. That willingness to see the part we play in what we experience in life changes how we angle ourselves with life, and then some, and we are only re-turning and no one can make that turn for us.

  8. It is very inspiring that you were willing to take responsibility for your life and the choices you made. Not always an easy thing to do, as you shared sometimes it can be ‘a big pill to swallow’ but much needed and the path to true healing.

  9. My family are so supportive of the changes I have made in my life since knowing Serge Benhayon and his family. They know how troubled I was, they watched my decline into mental illness in my twenties from afar unable to offer any support because I refused all help because at one point I had just given up. When you give up no one can help or support you as there is nothing there to help or support.That episode in my life seems like another life time ago.
    I can honestly say that Serge Benhayon threw out a life line to me at one of the retreats I attended it was then my choice to accept the gesture or to ignore it. Thankfully I grabbed the line and hung on. The rest is history as they say it took a lot of hard work on my part but now my family say
    “You look comfortable in your own skin and what ever it is you are doing keep doing it”
    I now inspire them that changes can be made in life, that there is another away of living and that it is so worth the all effort.

    1. When we can show through lived experience what is possible, rather than by telling, we can inspire so many and we do not know just how far those ripples spread.

  10. F.L it’s very precious to read how your family wants to be close to you and feel curious about the changes you made. Certainly working with Universal Medicine is a life-changing process and the benefits can be seen very clearly in every person I’ve met attending workshops and presentations. Each year I feel blessed by seeing the significant changes in the student body. There is more vitality, joy, sweetness, aliveness….more Brotherhood, it’s really inspiring to see.

  11. I can really relate to what you have shared here in the fact that I was trying loads of things to better my life, heal my hurts .. well just generally heal! It was not until I came across Universal Medicine that the obvious was shown to me, such as choices and responsibilities ‘I attended a Universal Medicine retreat in 2008 that was life changing. I learned that I had choices and responsibilities.’ not in a way that was being preached, far from it, but what was being shared by someone, Serge Benhayon, who had a lived experience and knowing with what he was sharing. Sometimes it is the simplest things we try and avoid, because it is so simple. Instead we look for complication in order to not feel or deal with what we are feeling! Anyway, since first meeting Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and starting to take more responsibility for my choices, I have not looked back and have a far deeper connected relationship with myself and others, along with a true purpose in and for life that is continuously unfolding.

    1. Thanks Vicky for all you have shared, once we give our power to what is happening outside of us we are at the mercy of these things and placing ourselves into cycles of reaction and emotion, but it’s responsibility for ourselves that frees us from these repeating patterns. We think of responsibility as something to shirk or avoid, a burden, but it’s what releases us from the burdens and the complications we place on ourselves.

    2. Before I came across Universal Medicine, I honestly didn’t really know how to take responsibility for my choices or my hurts. What I came to learn came in easy bite sized packages that were practical and very easy. There have been no bells or whistles, simply a commitment to being honest and to nurturing my body.

  12. Being understood and being held in love is the most powerful thing we can be offered and eventually offer to others. That true love that needs nothing is so lacking in society yet is what we all crave. Luckily there are those who have walked back to this point, to show us that it can be lived very simply.

  13. So glad this did not happen ‘considered the option of escaping by ending it all, but never quite got around to it, and somehow knew deep within it wasn’t the answer.’ we need to understand that ending our life is not an escape at all, in fact we only come back to what we left behind in our next life. So in many regards it is actually harder. I feel when we truly understand this, reincarnation, we will see there is so much more to what we live. There is a purpose, plan, order and most of all there is always always … Love. All we have to do is love ourselves enough to choose this, truly choose this.

  14. It is indeed a horrible feeling when you feel like you want to run away from it all but you have nowhere to go. It can feel like the world is caving in on you. Often this is because we see escape instead of true salvation and when we do seek salvation, we mislead ourselves in thinking this is something that exists outside of ourselves as well as being something that someone else provides for us rather than knowing the absolute truth that that which truly restores and resurrects us lives deep within us and has done all along!

  15. F.L. I agree with you it is very challenging to give up a crutch that one has used all of one’s life such as I’m the victim of circumstances beyond my control so therefore I do not have to take responsibility for anything.
    I suffered from depression and mental instability for most of my life, the physiatrist I saw for many years told me I had been sexually abused as a child and I believed what I was told because it was the perfect excuse it isn’t my fault its someone else’s. When I told the family it caused huge upset and the repercussions can still be felt today. The practitioners of Universal Medicine supported me to understand about responsibility and choices and the biggest eye opener was that over a period of years I could allow myself to feel I had not been sexually abused at all that it was a miss diagnoses on behalf of the physiatrist. However I was so lost at the time it didn’t dawn on me that this diagnoses came at a time when it was the ‘fashion’ to be labeled a victim of sexual abuse. Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have supported me to take my life back into my own hands and not be the doormat of life any more. It is extremely liberating and I am no longer a doormat but an active member of life.

  16. Last night I dreamed about a current situation at work. I started to speak angrily to a colleague. When I woke up I was surprised that I felt the angry-ness as I was not so aware of this fact during my day. I was angry and I didn’t allow myself to feel it. So I shared with my partner about how and why I felt angry, then the tears came. I felt hurt by people’s behavior. I was angry about being bullied but the hurt was there for me to feel.

  17. It makes no difference to the Benhayons whether we attend courses or not, we are met with the same love care and openness each and every time.

  18. This is the beauty in what Serge Benhayon brings and inspires in others, a returning back to our true self where we feel settled within our own body / comfortable in our own skin and thus quite naturally live this and bring it to the world. That it is okay to simply be ourselves.

  19. Amazing shifts can occur from us making this simple chose and being willing to reevaluate how we live….”I slowly began to relearn how to live; it was the first time it had ever been put to me that there was a way of living that could help me with my perceived problems,” It is so empowering to begin to become aware that we have a choice.

  20. Allowing ourselves to stay trapped in the victim mentality is actually a comfort that a part of us just does not want to let go of.

  21. Hiding in our issues has never achieved much and covering them with emotions or drugs and alcohol only exacerbate the underlying ill issue. We will eventually have to feel and “look comfortable in your own skin” and live in Harmony within life.

  22. You make a very good point that there is a moment where we realise we are a very large part of the life we live. That moment is pivotal. We can react and deny and blame others, remaining at the mercy of where the tides will take us and whatever storms come up or, we can realise we are the one with the access to the sail, the rudder and, dare I say it, an engine, to help navigate our way through the opportunities life may offer us.

  23. We can all choose to come back from our created misery and struggle at any time. The key is to renounce why we relish and crave it.

  24. That’s the beautiful thing about the esoteric way of life, everyday is a brand new beginning with more on offer. Once we get through the recovery phase of whatever was troubling us and we are more reconnected to ourselves the evolution doesn’t stop, it really is a tremendous experience to continually deepen and expand love and soulful living.

  25. F.L. what you have shared is what most of us that meet Serge Benhayon discover for ourselves –
    that there is a way to live that can support us to let go of the hurts and the pain that we have a tendency to hang on to and in letting go we discover that actually life is actually worth living and there is a joy to be found in the day that was never there before. So it is definitely worth a try. After all what have we got to lose … nothing, but everything to gain.

    1. It is the way that we are all choosing to live our lives that have created and continues to create the life that we see all around us. We are the manufacturers of it all and we’ve bought into the illusion of the life that we see with our eyes and not allowed ourselves to feel the life underneath the illusion. There is a truth that is always there, a totally unblemished resplendent truth that stands like a silent sentinel underneath the chaos that we’ve placed on top.

  26. Thank God you didn’t ‘get around to’ ending it all F.L. This is a lovely sharing full of realness – of someone who has found something that truly works.

  27. The teachings of Universal Medicine are for our current era. They offer a clear and practical path with you in the driver’s seat, fully responsible for all the choices in your life. It is not in any way mystical, with simple practical steps like self-care, nurturing and loving yourself being foundational to the change I have seen and read about in the many student blogs.

  28. It’s a very empowering process to be supported to make your own choices in life and feel what works for yourself. And it’s great to not have the pressure of someone breathing down your neck (as they say) with expectations of how and when you make changes. Love is so simple, it expects nothing, it’s just love with you unconditionally.

  29. Thank you F.L. yes I look forward to the rest of my life too, know that there will be more unfolding, more squirmy moments, more love and the Joy of more self-responsibility and commitment to life every day.

  30. There is nothing more inspiring than to see another living their life being who they truly are, as there is nothing to prove, no one to impress and no goals to achieve.

    1. ‘…nothing to prove, no one to impress and no goals to achieve…’ Sounds dull doesn’t it? Far from it. Being who we truly are is delicious.

      1. Delicious it is indeed Richard and it continues to get more and more delightfully delicious the deeper and deeper we go and as there’s no end to how deeply we can all go, we’re headed for a pretty remarkable place, particularly when we get to the point that we’re all there together.

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