A 43yr Old Man Goes On A Secret Mission

by Joel L, Australia.

A couple of years ago, on my way to a Universal Medicine workshop, a conversation started with the friend I was staying with.

The conversation moved to women’s beauty routines and the effort they make to pamper themselves. I noticed a reaction in me when it came to thinking about me doing ‘that stuff’. I never saw Dad do it, surely Men are tougher than that, a bit of cream after sunburn is okay, but anything more and you were a ‘nancy’ (sorry to anyone called Nancy).

I made a choice in that moment to feel what might be behind my reaction rather than just run with the reaction. What I found brought me to tears – a life-time of wanting, yearning to be touched that tenderly, to be held with that much love, to be allowed to ‘pamper’ myself. A lifetime of choosing rough and tumble over caring and gentle.

That was when the secret mission was launched… I was a bit embarrassed at not knowing where to start, so I did what any self-respecting man would do in this situation… I called my wife. After a couple of pointers, I headed out on my own to the ‘girly sections’ of a department store and to those ‘smelly’ shops with soaps and stuff.

It was a bit overwhelming – lots of smells, lots of choice…I stayed away from anything pink (of course), and if something said ‘for men’ it must be safe to test! I got a bit overwhelmed by people trying to spray stuff on me… it was obvious that they had no idea how serious this situation was.

Stage one complete. I walked away with body scrub, bath oil, moisturiser, my first bathrobe since I was a child (not too fluffy of course), and one of those brushy things. NB: no rubber ducks or toy boats.

Back at my friend’s house… no kids, no wife, just me, my bounty and my ‘not too’ fluffy robe. I sank into the bath… first miracle… I didn’t want to leave my wife and join a ‘Kylie Minogue’ tribute group… second miracle… It was AWESOME… third miracle… realising that maybe a rubber duck could have been a nice touch. Stage two complete.

Stage three… repeat often.

252 thoughts on “A 43yr Old Man Goes On A Secret Mission

  1. Thank you Joel for another great sharing, I would have to say as a woman pampering has not come easy for me, but just like you I am opening up to explore nurturing me in my body.

  2. I just realised Joel, you wrote this now nearly 4 years ago. I would love to hear how you’re pampering yourself these days? Have you upped the ante or come up with any other rituals?

  3. Congratulations, your mission accomplished! I am so impressed you didn’t wait till you went home to start. You make it so light-hearted but I can totally understand how big a deal this must have been. And now 4 years after this sharing was first published, I hope you are continuing this often and perhaps got over your reservation about pink.

  4. I too learnt to choose “rough and tumble” instead of being caring and gentle with myself because I had hardened my body so much in protection that it had become a normal way of living. Learning to let go of the hardness has taken several years but layer by layer is dropping away the more I accept and treat myself with the love I deserve which deepens my self-worth and how much I value myself.

  5. Oh the pure Joy of shedding the ludicrousness of what our societies (currently) demand of men, and embracing yourself Joel L.
    p.s. My husband bought a women’s scent not so long ago – loves it. And the care he takes in choosing such things for himself and his own routine, can at times put me to shame… I learn a lot as a woman from him – as it should rightly be.

  6. Amongst the fast-pace of today’s world and the stress it induces for both men and woman equally, launching your secret mission Joel after ‘a lifetime of choosing rough and tumble over caring and gentle’ is a worthy undertaking for all men to nurture and commit to. But, in no way should it be ever secret, hidden or ever stealth guided as do we all honestly think women are the only ones that feel the pressures and need to be nurtured and honored with some regular TLC in this day and age? Go for it men, you deserve to be appreciated and appreciate yourselves equally to that any woman ever can be.

  7. Joel it was delightful to read this blog again. I used to think all the fuss women made with their beauty products was a waste of time. I prided myself on being a soap and water girl with no frills. This all changed when I had my first facial, which was done as a favour to my daughter who needed someone to practice on as she was training to be a beauty therapist. The time and care she took was something I had never done for myself and she explained why I should bother with cleansing, exfoliating, toning and moisturizing. From them I started my own daily beauty routine. It is definitely linked to feeling that I am worth it, and of course we all are. I hope you are repeating your self-care activities often.

  8. We don’t care for our infant boys any differently to our infant girls and if we didn’t allow ourselves to be influenced by the picture we have of boys as they grow up we would all still treat ourselves with the same tender loving care whoever we are.

  9. This is such a profound example of how ideas and beliefs of what a man or a woman should or should not be, this consciousness that preside over our society today, cap us from living and loving the realness of who we are and the richness of life we can experience and enjoy when we allow ourselves to surrender to be in connection to our tenderness, our love, our essence within. We also greatly miss out on sharing these gorgeous qualities with each other. There is nothing quite like being met by a man who walks embracing his tenderness – truly heart-melting every time.

  10. Ha, brilliant! The reaction in some men is huge when a woman is showing any ‘pampering’ towards themselves so I take my hat off to Joel allowing himself to feel what was behind the reaction. Every reaction, subtle or obvious offers an opportunity for growth so being aware of changes in my body when I am presented with something that I may find uncomfortable is certainly a moment to take stock and address and not to simply ignore.

  11. I love your beautifully open and playful sharing of your experience Joel in exploring your innate tenderness which is gorgeous to feel.

  12. Such a sweet little secret confession, I often wondered what it would be like for boys and men and if they ever wanted all the things that we as women are allowed to just have without feeling any guilt or shame, it is beautiful to hear we are not so different but men certainly do have more obstacles to overcome to get to the pamper room.

  13. Beautiful Joel, Stage 4 may even include stronger scents and fluffier fluff . . . never discount anything! This is inspiring me to pamper myself more.

  14. In the world of ours, things are clearly demarcated. This is what a man does, and that is what a woman does. And we play along until you discovered that there are some things the other side is doing that feel lovely and you ‘dare’ one day to try it. It takes courage but it is worth it.

  15. Haha and classic article about a subject close to my heart. People that know me know I love to smell great and look the same. I have always, since I was in my teens bought face care products and colognes to use to start and end my day. My father always used to use an aftershave lotion that had a smell after he shaved and also to put on if he was ever going somewhere special. Growing up I would always let him splash some on me as well for a bit of fun. Now my draw has all the necessary things, face wash, scrub, moisturisers etc etc. It’s not strange or even a stretch for me and when men talk to me about it I don’t rub it in their face (haha) I just speak of how much I love using these things, how they feel and what they do next is entirely up to them, my routine won’t change.

  16. Your secret mission Joel is a beautiful reminder that men too deserve to pamper and nurture themselves – I look forward to reading about stage 4.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s