by Deborah McInnes, Bangalow, Australia
When I was three years old, I began wearing glasses. I had two eye operations at 5 and 6 years of age to correct a turn in my left eye, but neither was successful. It was discovered that I was also long-sighted. I had to wear very thick glasses every day and was told that I would have to wear them for the rest of my life. It was difficult to accept this, when my wearing glasses was the subject of much ridicule at school. I was taught by adults, to respond to the taunts of the other children with replying, ‘four eyes are better than two’ but they were words said in defence of myself and I never believed them to be true. I felt like I was hiding, trapped behind those big structures on my face that would become grubby, foggy and speckled with rain.
I remember the constant trips to see the eye specialists as a child and all of the arduous testing that followed. They would place drops in my eyes that would sting and give me foggy vision for hours. Mostly, I remember feeling in all of the tests that I had to perform, the words that I had to read – that if I couldn’t do it, I wouldn’t be good enough. I learnt to memorise certain patterns of letters before the testing, to try to prove that I could see them. When asked if one lens was better than another after trying many, many lenses I would give up and just say it was, so that the testing would be over.
I continued wearing glasses until I was 18 years old when I discovered contacts. Contacts became my ‘get out of jail free card’ – as they appeared to disguise my eyesight issue. I believed that if no one could see me wearing glasses, not only would I no longer look what I perceived to be ‘ugly’, I no longer would have the eyesight issue either – and I went about my life pretending I had perfect sight.
The truth was my sight was not good, so I encountered problems with constantly wearing the contacts, and to avoid this, I never took them out. It was recommended to take contacts out after 12 hours, to allow your eyes to breathe but I dared not do so, in case I had to go back to accepting I had eyesight issues. I would wear contacts in the evening and also to bed for many years so that my partner would never be able to see that I had something wrong with my eyes (and therefore something wrong with me). Wearing the contacts for extended periods had many adverse effects on my eyes – dry eyes and sore red eyes, and my lenses would stick to my eyeballs among other symptoms.
Up until I was 29 years old, my eyesight deteriorated slowly – I was a plus four in each eye and I still had the turn in my left eye. As a child, it was explained to me that my eyesight would continue to worsen as I got older and this was presented to me as a normal part of the ageing process and I had come to accept this.
When I was 29, I discovered Universal Medicine and came for my first healing session with Serge Benhayon. From the first meeting, I felt fully met and seen for who I am, for the first time in my life. Instantly I could feel how much I was living a reduced version of myself, that there was more to me. I could see that the person I had become over my life was based on who I thought I needed to be and was modelled on all of the people around me that I perceived to be better than me at the time – seemingly more happy, more popular, smarter, prettier. I had essentially become a blend of them all and in doing so, had lost my own distinct flavour.
Being in the presence of someone I knew was authentic for the first time, was incredibly inspiring. I felt inspired after this meeting, to work at returning to the true me, the original version and not the made up copy I had developed over my life. From this first meeting I began to consider my life and my choices and to open my eyes to the possibility that there was more to life than meets the eye.
I continued having regular treatments with Serge and other UniMed practitioners, as I found the sessions supportive in returning and remembering who I always was and because I was committed to healing the layers that stood over this. There was nothing more important than this to me. I knew with every cell in my body that the Esoteric way of life was true and all of the parts of me that I had shut down over my life were all coming back to life.
As I became more aware of my body and how I was feeling inside, I also began to remember many events that had taken place in my life that had long been forgotten and pushed aside – I had been encouraged to override what I would see and feel as I was growing up, as if it didn’t exist. This message (to override) was reinforced at home, at school and just about everywhere else. Often I was told I was imagining things and not seeing them at all, and at times that whatever I was seeing was really not that bad when compared to far worse things happening for other people. As a small child, I noticed that people seemed to believe they knew me and how I felt, better than I did myself.
One of those long forgotten events was an abuse of me, and particularly traumatic – occurring at a time in my life immediately prior to when I first needed to start wearing glasses. I remembered being three years old again and speaking the truth I felt and had experienced to those I trusted, only to be told it didn’t happen and I must never speak of it again. This was a coincidence I couldn’t ignore and so I began allowing myself to remember and feel everything I had buried at the time, choosing to see what was there to be seen.
Later, as I allowed myself to feel other experiences in my life that I had learnt to override and ‘conveniently delete’, I continued to commit to healing my old pattern of not seeing, distorting what I would see to suit me and turning a blind eye to things. As I did this, I began to see more and more of what it was I was leaving behind me, where I was heading to and where I now stood in my life. Things were a lot clearer.
I discovered in the process that I was actually very uncomfortable with people really looking right at me, in my eyes. I noticed I would blink frequently when speaking with others and I would often look away quickly rather than hold eye contact. It appeared that I was hiding more than my eyes behind the spectacle frames – I had been hiding ‘me’.
During this period of Esoteric Healing and learning to see once more, I went for a routine eye check and discovered that my eyesight had improved. I was told this was very unusual and they believed this to be an error. I wasn’t surprised given all the healing I was doing with the support of Universal Medicine. My eyes were re-tested and it was discovered that my eyesight was clearly better.
Soon after this, I learnt of certain gentle eye movements through Universal Medicine that could be done to support my eyes and vision and I began to incorporate these into my daily routine. I was very committed and consistent with this and did them first thing, every morning with the intention that I wanted to see everything there was to see. I also continued with the Esoteric Healing sessions and continued to address the issues in my life as they presented.
Another year or so later, routine eye tests revealed that my eyesight had improved drastically. I was referred to an eye specialist to see what was ‘wrong’ as the tests were showing my eyesight was now normal.
I went to the eye specialist who confirmed that this was the case, and although I still had a slight turn in my left eye, I no longer needed to wear glasses. I just knew this was the result of choosing to see and my commitment to seeing everything that is there to be seen (to the best of my ability) and not just the bits I want to see as I had always done.
This was never the goal of going to Serge Benhayon or Universal Medicine – it was never for a cure for my eyesight. This was a true miracle that was unexpected yet I knew was deserved.
The learning didn’t stop there…
Last year, I began a new job and I found my vision deteriorating almost immediately, but I chose to put it down to the computers and nothing more. I needed to wear glasses again. I felt like I had failed and gone backwards. I felt very uncomfortable with wearing glasses again as I realised I still had not healed how I felt about myself and how I had always felt as a child wearing glasses and being ridiculed for it. I found myself taking the glasses off when speaking with my work colleagues and putting them on when I was at my desk and no one was around – on and off, and on and off. I even looked into getting contact lenses to avoid having to feel uncomfortable and to maintain the ‘image’ I wanted to maintain. (I had always believed that glasses made me look ugly) – thereby, following the exact same pattern as before, when I was 18 years old.
The difference now was that I couldn’t go through with buying the contacts. Even at the point of ordering and collecting trial lenses to wear, I couldn’t bring myself to put them in my eyes – there was something inside of me now saying very definitively ‘no’. I chose not to seek the relief that the contacts would bring me but to deal with the issue.
It was an empowering day when I accepted wearing glasses and sat in the office as ‘me’ – without hiding the glasses and unconcerned with how others may be with this. The funny thing was that they didn’t even seem to notice, but I felt ten feet tall. By learning to heal this old hurt it also opened my eyes to more things at work that I had chosen to turn a blind eye to.
I discovered that I have tended to always see the goodness in people and override the reality of how they actually may be at the time. Later, I would get confused or hurt if they weren’t being caring with me and this would come as a shock to me. Now I am allowing myself to see the true good in others but to also see the whole picture, not just this – if there is anger, or rudeness or jealousy then I no longer ignore it, I see it for what it is and allow myself to feel this. I am developing a far deeper understanding of others; the more I choose to see.
I have discovered that my eyes will let me know very clearly if I am choosing to see or if I am turning a blind eye to the truth. When I am not seeing something for the truth that it is, my eyesight deteriorates and I find I need to put my glasses on to read and to focus on things. There is fogginess to things. When I am seeing clearly and am open to seeing more – my eyesight is super clear and I do not need the glasses.