Recently I have noticed that, while I have been taking steps to stay connected to my body and be present with my movements throughout the day, I get to a certain point where I feel I have ‘got it’ and then I let go. It’s like there is nothing more at this point for me to participate in, so off I go and play around in my thoughts. But who or what is operating my movements if I no longer have any awareness of them?
It’s like I have completely given up on ‘me’ and gone onto auto-pilot, thinking it is all going to be sorted out for me now ‘I’ve got it’ and there is nothing more for me to do.
In the past I have heard many people say they are “Leaving it up to God” to sort out their troubles and make decisions about their fate, as well as the fate of their families and communities. I feel when I go onto ‘auto-pilot’ I am doing the exact same thing.
I have often found the simplicity of a connection to me and my body is all too hard … and BOR-ING!!!
I know from my history I can get bored very easily. Restlessness seeps into my body, and I start indulging more in my thoughts. I find that although these thoughts are entertaining for a while, there is an emptiness contained within them. I am alone, distracted with no connection to anyone, or anything. I have ‘left the building’ and no one can reach me!
Fortunately, with the support of the Gentle Breath Meditation, I can make a choice to feel my breath, the coolness of the in-breath at the tip of my nose, the warmth of the out-breath. Feeling the warmth and connection to my breath brings me back into my body again. I feel each movement; the movement of my fingertips, the delicacy of my touch, my feet connected to the earth. This is when I feel I am with ME.
It has never made sense to leave things “up to God” to sort my life out for me. This always felt like a blind faith where I wasn’t taking responsibility for being a part of life, a part of humanity and how we live and participate on this earth. It’s like saying, “It’s all too much – you sort it out.” But how often in my life have I done this? I couldn’t even count the number of times!
These days I feel God has actually been leaving it up to ME, patiently waiting for me to accept the glorious me and how amazing it feels to be in my body and actively living within the scheme of life.
It is here that the words I have heard in the past make sense: The Kingdom of God is Within You and Glory Be the Son of God.
It is in these realisations I feel I have returned to my true religion, a deeply precious and sacred place, never to be found within the walls of a church, but one which dwells within my own body and in the inner heart of us all.
by Suzanne Cox, Service Officer, Ocean Shores