Doctor, Please Heal Me

by Cherise Holt, Nurse, Australia

For the past five years I have seen a dermatologist. In this time I have had an appointment on average every three months, with each appointment lasting around 20 minutes – so I spend approximately 80 minutes with her every year. What I have found is that no matter which practitioners we see in our life, be they medical or complementary, we create a relationship with them.

When I first saw her, I had been referred by my General Practitioner (GP) for assessment and treatment of keloid scarring on my chest and shoulders. My treatments involved extremely painful cortisone injections into the scars to help decrease the inflammation and pain. Keloid scars are made up of many little nerve endings, and are unlike other scarring which can commonly be numb to the touch. It was the scars on my chest that caused me the most grief and affected me every day.

They appeared on my skin during my early teenage years and as they grew, so did my hatred of them. I despised them. The clothes I wore had to be of the softest material as any scratch or touch was at times unbearable for me. Every outfit I wore was carefully designed to cover and hide them. I often searched the internet in the hope of discovering new medical treatments but I felt disheartened, as a successful and pain-free treatment was difficult to find.

When I first saw my dermatologist I was desperate for a fix for the pain and I would have done anything to not have to look at them ever again; the sight of them, at every glance, completely repulsed me. What I first noticed with my doctor was how her touch to my skin felt so gentle – also how she spoke softly and was always supportive in her words of encouragement. Before each appointment I would feel nervous, as I knew the discomfort I was in for. Although the local anaesthetic gave me an hour or two of relief, I would be in agony with nerve pain for up to 12 hours afterwards, unable to find any comfortable position or even sit still. I can remember my body being in constant motion as I tried to keep my mind off the pain. I felt disheartened, as the first two to three years I would go through the treatment only to have them grow again, not always as bad, but mostly bringing more pain.

Today, after 15 years of these scars and five years of steroid treatment, I went to see my dermatologist for another appointment. For the first time, we didn’t just do the usual chit-chat (how is work going? etc.). Today, with my permission, she brought a medical student in to watch and learn about the treatment of these scars. She shared with him my experience from her point of view, and spoke so highly of my ability to cope so well with what she described as a painful and unfair medical condition (with no real known cause) over the years. She spoke of the sadness there is seeing people who permanently ink their chests with tattoos, and here I was with these permanent markings I hadn’t asked for.

It was here that I opened up to share with her my own experience. What I feel is, people can take their medical conditions, illness and diseases to their doctors and say, ‘Here is a part of me, please fix it! I may only see you 80 minutes of every 365 days, but you are the doctor with the knowledge and the medical know-how; this disease that is in my body I do not know how to fix, so please do it for me and ASAP because I have had enough of the sadness that it brings me.’

When I shared with my doctor that in the last two years I had been working on self-love, she didn’t hesitate to nod her head in agreement, confirming how much she had noticed this. I told her how through this I discovered that I could work with her in the treatment of my scars. It is not for me to say, ‘here are my scars, please fix them’. As I had previously hated them, I am now learning to love them – they are a part of me, and as I am learning to love ALL of me, then of course they are there to love, too. It amazes me that for so long she was dedicated in the application of her medical expertise to help heal my body, yet I was taking no responsibility for the treatment of this same body – my own. Her gentle hands and medicine were doing battle with the anger and self-hatred (self-abuse) that I was in.

We are all capable of making the choice to heal ourselves: our bodies are our own responsibility, so why wouldn’t we want to treat them with the utmost respect and an endless amount of love?!* In the past two years my scars have dramatically changed and are far less painful, most times now I forget they are there. I recall a time I had only dreamed that this may one day be the case. The physical pain has eased and I am still working on the deep inner pain that I have experienced with them: the self-abuse and punishment of my body that I had once allowed and accepted… and how I had chosen to hide them (and me) away from the world.

When my doctor asked what support I had received in achieving this new level of self-love, I told her how I have been inspired by the practitioners I see for modalities such as Esoteric Chakra-puncture, and that I have completed some healing courses with Universal Medicine. Although she mentioned she had heard of Universal Medicine, I felt no need to know if she had seen the sensationalised media reports of late, spreading complete untruths about the very people who have inspired me to make such loving and responsible changes in my life and in my body. These people are my practitioners and Serge Benhayon: I have created relationships with them also.

Instead what I felt was: she knows me – and we have a relationship that dispels any untruth that can ever be spoken or printed. Our doctor-patient connection has been more than just that, it has been woman-to-woman, person-to-person. I have been deeply inspired by her gentle ways for many years – and she has observed me blossom into a self-nurturing woman.

*For those further interested in a discussion on this topic, please see Eunice Minford’s article at Medicine and Serge Benhayon, Illness and Disease are Healing

266 thoughts on “Doctor, Please Heal Me

  1. “We are all capable of making the choice to heal ourselves: our bodies are our own responsibility, so why wouldn’t we want to treat them with the utmost respect and an endless amount of love?” – such a wise question to ask, and one there is much to ponder on in terms of our own resistance to something that is so beautiful to embrace. The seeming eternal struggle.

  2. When we have a condition, we just want relief from it. What we search for are solutions, instead of establishing a relationship with the condition based on understanding where it comes from, and steering both to a different point so the condition no longer makes sense.

  3. I find it so revealing, if we are willing to learn and evolve, that when we ‘hate’ something, in fact, within it there is a reflection of something for us to heal.

    1. Spot on Elizabeth – all the other can do is hold the space for us to be aware and hence activate the needed changes.

  4. This really highlights for me the impact of the kind of relationship that we have with ourselves and our body, with the whole of who we are – how much this affects our wellbeing.

  5. One of the many things that are so powerful about the experience that Cherise shared here is how directly her body was communicating with her through the scarring how she had been living and treating it. And also, how a physical manifestation like the chest scars is a direct result of a non-physical emotional way of being (as in the self-hatred and abuse).

  6. There are a couple of things that really stand out in this blog, and the first is the relationship that the author has built with the GP, maybe it’s because many visits were necessary but rarely do our GPs know us that well. In my GP practice, we have many GPs and never get to see the same one. Secondly, I like the fact that the author was learning to love herself and that that was making a difference to her health condition. She has realised that it is her responsibility to do her part and not expect someone to fix her – in this day and age, this is refreshing to read.

  7. This blog is a testament to the truth that instead of asking another to ‘fix’ us and take responsibility for ourselves, which includes asking for help where necessary, then true healing can happen.

  8. its so true Cherise. Your Doctor knows you and has seen you grow and blossom in your relationship with yourself. With this there is no doubt. There is nothing that can sway her from this, regardless of what is written or spoken by another. It says everything about the quality of our relationships and how everlasting they can be – only if its 80 minutes per year.

  9. It makes sense how we treat ourselves and regard our body has an effect on the way our body responds or reacts. Taking responsibility and bringing a deeper level of quality and care to the way in which we live initiates lasting change and true healing.

  10. Cherise there is such a beautiful tenderness felt in what you have written here, thank you. We are truly united by love as this is our true connection. When I read the description of your doctor and of your relationship with her I can feel that what forms the basis of your connection together is the love and care you both live from and express. There is always such a sense of equality with love.

  11. I am wondering if many people seem to be saying (though not Cherise) – “Doctor (the word please is often forgotten) fix me but I don’t want to do my part”.

  12. What I am getting from this is that being open and building a relationship with doctor, or in fact whoever is offering support, is part of responsibility that I can embrace.

  13. It’s great to come back to this blog after so many years and appreciate even more what my body communicates to me each and every day. I recall when I was wanting to hide my scars away, a Universal Medicine practitioner said to me, can you feel that one day your scars won’t even be a thing?, and so it came true. They are just there, they are a part of my physical flesh that I never try to hide from anyone and a constant reminder to appreciate who I am and how far I have come by being willing to heal myself.

    1. It’s truly an amazing milestone to appreciate and cherish Cherise all the self love and love you now live. The beauty you are is definitely not found in the package that holds it!

      I can’t help but feel what a wonderful article your journey with your scars and self love would make for a women’s magazine or online site. So many women struggle with physical things like scars not realising the beauty and love that’s there within them.

  14. This is beautiful Cherise – healing the deep hurts from within supports changes in the physical body too. “As I had previously hated them (scars), I am now learning to love them – they are a part of me, and as I am learning to love ALL of me, then of course they are there to love, too”.

  15. I agree we have an ability to build relationships with our doctors and specialists, when we see them on a regular basis even if it is once a year, they notice much about us and have a great understanding of self love and self nurturing, from my own experience many doctors and nurses have a great understanding of this, however do not necessarily practice it themselves.

  16. There is a far deeper level of healing we can allow our body to go to when we take responsibility for our health and the way in which we are living by taking care and loving ourselves.

  17. Thank you Cherise for sharing a deep quality of love to what has been a very difficult and painful experience. I absolutely agree the more we accept, embrace, and love the aspects of ourselves that for what ever reason don’t fit our picture the more these can shine in their own unique way bringing truth and even healing for others.

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