The Possibility to Truly Live

by Nicole Serafin, aged 40, Australia

I thought that I had the perfect relationship: a partner who was totally trustworthy, supportive and always allowing me to do whatever I felt to – he never questioned my decisions or my choices. We had a great life; travelling overseas regularly, being able to buy whatever we wanted to, whenever we wanted to, had great friends, three dogs and an amazing property. Along with a successful business which I had built up from scratch in an area I had only just moved to.

Things were going well and I could not really ask for anything more – that was on a superficial level. We were kept busy with work and living a busy life full of many different distractions, some of which were maintaining the property we lived on, looking after our dogs, the business… and sitting back having the occasional drink and joint. The ‘occasional drink and joint’ was our way of rewarding ourselves for all the hard work we had done either earlier that day or that week; also it was a way of dealing with and trying to forget any of the stresses that the week or day had presented.

I began to consider, why was it that we needed a reward for all that we had done or put up with, why was it that we could not just enjoy what we had or what we had achieved without having to reward ourselves? Was it possible that we would be able to appreciate all that we had and all that we had achieved without drugs or alcohol? I began to make some small changes to my life and the way that I lived: soon it became obvious that it was possible to live without the drugs, alcohol or rewards, even though it was something that I was definitely not used to and found difficult to accept. I was surrounded by people and a society that stated otherwise, I had been conditioned to live in a particular way that encouraged and supported the rewards, no matter what they may be… some being more socially accepted than others. We, as individuals and as a society, had become so used to being rewarded (not just as young adults but also from birth), that we had forgotten how to live any other way.  

It was a sad moment to think that the only way that we could appreciate ourselves or what we had achieved was by rewarding ourselves with something, whether it was a nice meal, a drink, a joint, a gift, or a trip away to somewhere nice. When I look back, it had always been the same. When I was young I was given something as a reward if I had been well behaved, done as I was asked, or achieved something that was pleasing to another. This was a pattern that continued in my life and I had begun to reward myself as I had been rewarded as a child; in the same way that my parents also rewarded themselves.

I had no idea how to admire or appreciate myself for who I was, or the things that I did, without these rewards. I began to realise that, yes, it was ok to treat myself, but I needed to look at why I was doing this, and what was the purpose behind it. Universal Medicine allowed me to come to realise that I did not need an excuse or a reason to appreciate myself, nor did I need to buy myself gifts to reinforce that appreciation. However, I did need to relearn how to appreciate myself for who I was.

Well, to appreciate myself for who I was, without having to achieve or succeed, without the drugs, alcohol or excessive lifestyle, would be a whole new world for me (a world that at first I couldn’t imagine). However, with the support of what was being presented by Universal Medicine, I was able to feel that this was a possibility. That I was enough being me… and that yes, I was able to live in a way that at first I thought was not at all possible. Of course, my relationship that looked perfect was in fact far from it, and once I started making changes in my life and taking more responsibility for the way I was living, the truth of the relationship started to become exposed… and then it broke down. This was not due to Universal Medicine, but due to the fact that my relationship had many faults and flaws in it from the very beginning. These faults and flaws neither of us had ever dealt with, but instead pushed aside with a few drinks, joints or distractions of some kind… pushed aside until the next time they reared their ugly heads. With all of the distractions in life, along with the alcohol and drugs, there was never the openness to want to, or even be bothered to go there in the first place and address whatever was not working. Without the drugs, alcohol or the distractions I was able to see clearly that our relationship was one of an arrangement and convenience for us both.

We were living a great life, mostly funded by me, which was my choice. I wanted to live a particular lifestyle and he was able to live that life with me. When I began to look closely at why I was living in a particular way and started to change things he was not ready for these changes. He was not prepared for his life to change and that was his choice, a choice that I accepted. Every person’s experience is different; for me, my relationship broke down because we had never addressed the issues at hand in the first place, instead living a life of convenience rather than a life of truth.

I have now gone on to marry an amazing man and have a beautiful daughter, with a son on the way. We live a life that we both appreciate; we are both willing to address any issue that may arise and to deal with whatever is not working so as to continue building a life and a relationship based on honesty, truth and love. Our lives are now one that we enjoy completely… without the drugs, alcohol or rewards.

Yes, we still buy ourselves things and enjoy beautiful meals and holidays, but it is not as a reward; it is out of appreciation for ourselves, each other and what we have, it is no longer coming from an emptiness or as a distraction to fill that emptiness. We do not brush aside issues that need to be addressed, instead opting to confront them no matter how uncomfortable they may make us feel. For this I thank Universal Medicine, for the support and knowledge that they have shared with me and many others over the years. It has allowed me to see and feel that there is more to life and that there are possibilities out there for things to be different.

170 thoughts on “The Possibility to Truly Live

  1. Giving and receiving a reward for ‘good’ behaviour is like giving the dog a reward when it obeys your command. A way to have control over another!

  2. We can get to the end of the day and/or the end of the week in more than the usual way that just wants relief by whatever means we get relief from. Yet, no needing relief requires a different kind of movement during the day, one filled with purpose.

  3. When you talk about a few drinks and a joint, I’m reminded of this saying about ‘taking the edge off life’ meaning that these make life more comfortable. But what about those edges? What are they saying… that they need looking at, understanding, working on so they no longer cause the friction… not that they should be swept under the carpet in whatever way we have learnt to avoid them (only to resurface later in the day / week / year / life.

  4. Yes we can construct a lifestyle that is about going from one reward to another in an attempt to motivate ourselves to get through the tension of all the moments in between…or we can stop and begin to address these moments and hence the rewards lose their attractive appeal and naturally fade out of our lives.

  5. What is it about us that we can’t just appreciate ourselves without the need for something outside of ourselves to fulfill us? I know this is something I struggled with in the past a lot, always needing a special treat or reward to complete me in someway, so your blog Nicole is a great reminder that we can heal any patterns when we truly connect to ourselves and begin to make choices that are more loving and true.

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