We often pretend to love someone without condition, but is this really the case? It starts with falling in love. Well, we can fall into a puddle of mud, but how on earth can we fall in love?
Love is always there, inside of ourselves and everyone else. Meeting someone and feeling a special connection or pull towards that person simply means that we have allowed a space for more love to unfold and become tangible. It is two human beings opening up to let each other feel their essence behind the facade we have often so carefully built to mask what is underneath.
It is a gentle process of trust that is growing and lightness that is flowing, but it can also be there in the instant we first meet. Love can grow with every movement and breath. It does not have room for anger or rage against another, because when these emotions come up, we will instantly feel that, in fact, we are just angry with ourselves and cannot cope with the hurt that we feel within us.
If we truly hold someone in love, it does not matter if they express love towards us or just walk away. The only thing love promotes is to support each other, as best as we can, and in everything that we do. Supporting does not mean to blindly admire everything, but to be honest – with ourselves and everyone else. It means speaking up and expressing, even if we feel the topic might cause a reaction.
Love means letting the other be who he or she is and allowing them to make their choices, no matter how absurd they may seem to us sometimes. It is not for us to judge what another needs to live and go through to learn and move on. Our job is only to express what we feel and then let the other be and choose. Staying with them, holding them with love, but never trying to impose on their absolute freedom.
We are a mirror for each other and this is the greatest gift we can provide – polishing this mirror in a way that it will simply reflect what is always there; no agenda, no manipulation to make the other feel better or do what we want, nothing needed to be done or achieved.
Just being, observing, learning and walking on, realising that there is always a deeper level to move on to. Not by running, but by walking there with graceful steps that honour our bodies. If something challenging comes up, why not thank each other for this opportunity to learn and go deeper, instead of starting to argue and fight? If you feel something is not in flow, why not speak up, instead of holding back out of wishing to protect ourselves from getting hurt, pretending that there could not be greater harmony.
Everything that we do not express will sit with us, accumulate and one day erupt like a volcano. Like the eruption of a volcano, this is highly likely to erase everything that has been there before. This does not mean the end to life, but it will take a large amount of time until the first new, tender plants will grow into the abundance that existed before.
To truly be able to love someone, I first have to hold myself in love and appreciation by accepting myself just as I am and committing to truly care for myself. Not because I am egotistic or a narcissist, but because I deserve that love and care, like we all deserve it.
From there it will be natural to just ’be’ love, irrespective of what anyone does, or a desire for what would have seemed like the perfect outcome for us, and irrespective of whether others listen to us, understand us or love us in return. It will not matter what the other does, the love will always stay the same. It is then time to start to distinguish between the actions of another, which of course sometimes cannot be tolerated, and the person’s essence underneath.
This essence, common in everyone, is love. A love that is simple, still and all-knowing. It is something I can always come back to, as it will always be there – inside of me and of everyone. It is a point we all have in common, a point we all can connect to. This is equality in its truest sense.
By Michael Kremer, Personal Assistant, Buchholz, Germany