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Our Relationship & Universal Medicine – Just One of the ‘Gruntled’ Many

by Frank Tybislawski and Victoria Lister, Brisbane Australia

It appears the recent media interest in Universal Medicine (UniMed) is the result of some rather vigorous pot stirring by a ‘disgruntled few’ – a handful of men who lay blame for the demise of their relationships at the feet of Universal Medicine. Happily, we can report the opposite is true for us: although we didn’t meet via UM, our involvement in the organisation has only strengthened our relationship and we are both the better for it – singularly, and as a couple. Here, we present a ‘his’n’hers’ version of events, in which we discuss how one of us was already a regular participant, how one of us wasn’t, how no-one felt threatened by the supposed inequity, how we both feel totally ‘gruntled’ about our relationship and UM, and how we know many others who would claim the same.

Victoria’s story:

I’m just going to provide some context – because the real heart of the story lies with Frank, as the one half of the equation who hadn’t heard of UniMed when we met and (if the media are to be believed), as a ‘vulnerable man’ in a supposedly female-dominant student body, had the most to lose.

At the time, I’d been attending Universal Medicine courses, workshops and healing sessions for about three years. I’d made some significant changes to my life and was choosing to live in a way that would soon be obvious to anyone seeking to get to know me: I was eating a gluten and dairy-free diet, I no longer drank alcohol, I went to bed at a sensible time, and so on. All the men I’d dated since making these changes had run a million miles, and while I could feel Frank was different, I couldn’t truly know how he’d react.

So one day, fairly early in the piece, I told him how I was living, and why. Thankfully, he stayed in his chair long enough to hear me out, asked sensible questions, told me he wasn’t much interested in alcohol anyway, had been thinking about eliminating gluten and all dairy from his diet (he’d already given away full cream milk and cheesy things), and didn’t think I was weird. Soon thereafter he offered to come with me to a UniMed event and I have to say, he took to it like a duck to water.

We haven’t looked back. We started living together pretty soon after, and 13 months from meeting, married with minimal fanfare in a registry. We’ve now clocked up three years, and live harmoniously and playfully together in an inner city unit so small it’d soon show up if we didn’t.

The Universal Medicine presentations we attend, and the simplicity with which we live are magical, and very much enhance the quality of our relationship. There are no ‘issues’ and we never fight; we simply have areas of our partnership that we independently and collectively explore and are open to developing. And… we’re not the only coupled students of UM who live like this – we have many amazing friends doing similarly all around us.

Indeed, I would go as far to say that there are many more couples positively impacted by their involvement in UM than not. And if I were to choose the one thing Universal Medicine might be said to stand for, it would be the truth – and if two people haven’t stayed the distance, it is simply because one, or both, have brought truth into the equation. Blaming an organisation for the end of your relationship? That doesn’t make sense to me.

Frank’s story: 

As Victoria said, I had never heard of Serge Benhayon or Universal Medicine until after I met Victoria. I do recall sitting across the dinner table with Victoria, in the early days of our relationship, where she would tell me all sorts of things about Universal Medicine, but there was certainly nothing at all to make me fear anything about her, or the organisation. Indeed, I had already discovered that certain dairy products played havoc with my digestion and had cut them from my diet. I had already planned to exclude gluten from my diet as I knew ‘something else’ wasn’t right, and knew a friend who had done the same with amazing changes in his health, which totally surprised his doctor. I was also intrigued that it could be possible to live in a very self-caring way, making very discerning choices, and that it was simple to do. Having a partner living the same way, with a similar diet, was just a win-win situation and provided a very solid and supportive framework to make that easy to accomplish.

Soon after meeting Victoria I decided to attend a Universal Medicine presentation, keen to know more, keen to meet other people who simply lived in a similar self-caring way. I also got to meet Serge, and I have to say it was like meeting an old friend; there was a feeling of equality between us, an openness. He didn’t try to sell me an idea or concept, he was just pleased to know that I was willing to listen and then make up my own mind.

Back to Victoria and I; it was perfectly clear that she was special, and I knew that the moment I looked into her eyes. There was a deep, honest reality, no false façade, no attempt to impress, just a genuinely open, kind and caring person. I thought, “Where has she been hiding for the last 30 years?”. Our meeting was amazing, our first date was lovely, but more importantly it was all so easy and simple. It was the same when I decided to move in – and soon after when we agreed to marry.

I can easily see the effect Universal Medicine has had on Victoria and I over the last few years. We take better care of ourselves than we ever have before, and we have more respect for each other as individuals. The extra weight I had been slowly gaining while working in Central Queensland just fell away with no effort at all, and my sleep quality also improved. Although I do shift-work, we live in very similar ways so it is very easy to interact together as a couple on a daily basis. Although we take this seriously we also have a lot of fun and laughs together. As I said before, the last few years has been a win-win situation for both of us, and I’m sure the same applies to many other couples who attend Universal Medicine presentations and workshops.

265 thoughts on “Our Relationship & Universal Medicine – Just One of the ‘Gruntled’ Many”

  3. I live the most amazing life as I am surrounded by many Universal Medicine students who are in a relationship or married from young adults to much older people and I marvel at their relationships with each other. I’m getting so many different reflections on what constitutes a truly loving relationship. At the very least it should be based on deep respect and integrity. On the other hand, I see other relationships around me which are full of tension, drama and emotion and I can see that they are so draining of energy. I feel I am privileged to see the difference and in my next life I know I will carry the blueprint of what I will expect in a relationship whether it be from family, friends or a partner my expectation is based on the love I have for myself because I know that I need to hold myself sacred and from this foundation my next life will be truly amazing again.

  4. I just think it is absolutely insane to query people that live in a way that is caring and loving for themselves and their body and not to query all the abuse, increase in stress and mental health, rise in illness and dis-ease etc. Like if we (society) were really sensible would we not query all the latter things and look to self-love and self-care as a way of turning the tide and making changes that actually work?!! I loved hearing how you met and feeling the closeness of your relationship.

    1. Our world is all back to front, ‘I just think it is absolutely insane to query people that live in a way that is caring and loving for themselves and their body and not to query all the abuse, increase in stress and mental health, rise in illness and dis-ease’.

  5. What I can feel from this is how responsibility is a vital and natural ingredient if we are to truly commit to building a loving relationship. If blame is there, then we haven’t given love a full go.

  7. Thank you Frank and Victoria for telling us your story. It is quite lovely when a couple come together as you did accepting of each other and wanting to evolve together.

  8. Simple and honest – what a great read. For people who claim that Universal Medicine breaks up families, this is a testimonial of the opposite. When a person is open to understand another’s perspective harmony can be achieved, regardless of whether their perspective matches our own. But when we are so righteous in our ways and stubborn nothing another does or say means anything because we can be quite arrogant. When invested in our beliefs and ways of life, a challenge of that is often attacked because we don’t want to be proven wrong. So why is that? WHy are we so heavily invested in being right? What does it give us, and what are we so strongly trying to avoid, deny and muddle up with our lack of honesty… Perhaps it’s something we all know, perhaps we are in fact a lot more intelligent than we portray and we are playing a very clever game to maintain the world we have today.

  9. “Going there” in life, talking about what is going on, having the openness to talk about what is going on is crucial for me and without that life seems very empty. I think we all feel that way in one way or another and Universal Medicine certainly inspires you to do that.

  11. Thank you for this shows us much more where the true before and afters – after meeting Universal Medicine, have been about. Powerful to say just one word – but it is our Livingness that shows us what is truth and what is not.

  12. It’s hard to not see how a relationship would not be exponentially improved by one or both parties taking deep care of themselves and their health and well-being and why this could ever cause a problem in a relationship – surely on a simple, basic level this should be part of our commitment to any relationship, otherwise what are we bringing?

  13. Super inspiring and indeed a true love story void of any false emotional need but instead founded to two connecting from the truth of their hearts. Trust the media to distort something like this!

  14. Relationships are about being responsible and have nothing to do with any outside influence or situation. We are responsible for the quality of relationships we have with ourselves and each other.

  15. An inspiring read about being in a relationship, one in which whose foundation is that of respect and openness.

  16. Absolutely everyone has free-will to choose what feels true and appropriate for themselves. Just saying no to alcohol is a life giving choice that can set up a wobble in someone else, being gluten and dairy free can be the same. These choices for most people have no association with Universal Medicine; people can simply feel for themselves that these things don’t agree with them. But many people feel confronted when someone is making a ‘healthy’ choice when they are not.

  17. The phrase ‘don’t judge a book by its cover is potentially relevant when it comes to relationships getting together or separating. The outplay of what occurs is important to be understood otherwise we can fall for what we think we see rather than how it truly feels. Some relationships that separate are an evolving experience for both people, some that get together are stunting for both etc…it is a very personal situation in each case to be understood with true discernment.

  18. There are many ways my life has changed since I starting listening to the wisdom that Serge Benhayon shares and lives, but if I had to choose one thing that stands out it is the quality of my relationships. This is because I have learned that all relationships ‘begin at home’ – i.e. with myself and how I am with me. From there, all other relationships have transformed because I am no longer seeking anything from them, aware as I now am that it is my responsibility to love myself. To live with this as the foundation of my relationships has made an extraordinary difference to my life – something I appreciate so very deeply, every day.

    1. Richard I am in agreement with you, there is a depth and a richness to the relationships that I now have in my life and this depth and richness begins so beautifully in my relationship with myself, it really is very gorgeous indeed and it’s the starting point of everything else.

  19. I know many couples who did not meet via Universal Medicine but now choose to be a part of it and their relationships are incredible, inspiring and just wow. Not that there are never problems, but how things are dealt with are wow. I also know couples who have chosen to separate since one or both of them coming to Universal Medicine. This seems to have taken the spotlight, but it’s pretty normal for society for couples to separate and for one party to find something to blame for the breakup – it’s an effective way to avoid looking at yourself and taking responsibility. Nothing new here and so I’m not sure what the big deal is and why people have been lapping up the media stories.

  20. It’s great get a double dose of how it is for two people in a relationship like this and all seems pretty normal I would say or is it? I meant respectful, loving, caring, appreciative, funny, light and yet dedicated ah maybe not our current ‘norm’ then, haha, but certainly a way to bring it all back.

  21. The one word that stood out for me tonight in reading this article was respect. There is not only love, joy and playfulness in this relationship, there is also a deeply felt respect and genuine care for each other. Could this very simple human consideration be what is missing in many relationships today?

    1. It was very beautiful to read of the respect each other had for the other in this blog, ‘There is not only love, joy and playfulness in this relationship, there is also a deeply felt respect and genuine care for each other.’

  22. In the end it comes back to our responsibility with ourselves, and how much we are prepared to live is up to us. There is no one, organisation, situation or any factor to blame for our quality of life…it is up to each of us to claim it, or not.

  23. I appreciate what you say Frank: “Where has she been hiding for the last 30 years?” as that clearly says it all for me. We can be so closed of while we live from the mind instead of from our heart, that we often do not recognise that there is such a delicateness and beauty within and around us.

  24. It is beautiful to read stories like this as I feel this is such powerful stuff and needs to be shared wherever we go and with whoever we meet.

  25. ‘I also got to meet Serge, and I have to say it was like meeting an old friend; there was a feeling of equality between us, an openness.’ I agree for me it was the same, there was something about him that I felt I already knew, and I also knew the truth about what he presented, and for those who don’t feel the truth can just walk away.

  26. That’s beautiful – it’s true we cannot ever blame anyone or organisation for the breakdown of our relationships, relationships break down because one, or even both people do not choose the truth, love and potential of the relationship.

    1. Indeed Meg, it is actually very simple as relationships do have a potential to deepen our connection, not only with one another but also with ourselves and with love and truth. If we choose to not use this potential as we choose to not deepen that connection that’s OK to but in this we have to stay honest with ourselves and not to blame the other for our own choices.

      1. True, it’s a constant commitment to deepen, I’ve seen so many amazing relationships go downhill because they have settled and stagnated and not moved forward.

  27. It’s amazing and revealing to see what the collect norm considers to be ‘normal’ at this point in time and how we treat people who don’t fit into this view. Some may ask or at least consider where we are headed as a race of people, I know it’s something I discuss and consider deeply. I watch how things would seem to be heading more and more out of control and yet the norm seems to keep walking with that behaviour. If we look at what is considered norm and how it’s changed just in a single life time we would consider that something is not only a miss but terribly wrong. There is a collective blindness for us here and yet we have people that walk away from the norm and bring back a way of living from the past and are living it now to seed it forward for the future. How would the collective norm treat these people, well it may consider them to be too different and not want anything to do with them or some may take the time to see the person and realise that the norm is the strange one and that in fact the way the norm is walking is certainly adding to their woes.

  28. There is a narrative that when you are different with religious aspects you are a cult. Such a narrative requires that participants get damaged. When the narrative doesn’t fit, it seems to be very tempting to fill the space with untruths.

  29. Its a strange world that we live in where we have to worry about telling someone that we don’t drink alcohol and go to bed early! Its the sort of advice we give our kids when they are growing up, so rather than telling them, how about living it and enjoying the same benefits… which is to be feeling ourselves.

    2. Yeh great common sense Simon – it’s crazy that when it comes to kids and adults there seem to be two totally different rule sets when it comes to looking after yourself. How could it only be important to look after ourselves when we’re younger?

    3. I thought it would be awkward when I had a brief stint of online dating, but actually found that it wasn’t a big deal to most. One person actually said it was refreshing, as all his mates’ drink but all he wanted was soda.

  30. What this beautiful story clearly reveals is that Universal Medicine cannot be factored in at all as a negative point regarding relationships (as some interested press and a few detractors want us to believe). Victoria and Frank’s stories make clear, that such assertion is simply false.

  31. This is gorgeous and inspiring and yet so simple and natural way to be with another. I came to Universal Medicine for a few years before my husband joined me for a workshop, and I remember him having a smile from ear to ear and feeling completely connected to after meeting with Serge Benhayon for a few minutes. We were together 17 years before meeting Universal Medicine and are still together 9 years later. Universal Medicine and The Way of the Livingness has only supported our relationship to grow and deepen and become so much more stable and real, then it was before.

    1. Amazing and gorgeous to read Aimee, ‘ Universal Medicine and The Way of the Livingness has only supported our relationship to grow and deepen and become so much more stable and real, then it was before.’

  32. What a wonderfully honest testimonial not just to the life changing presentations of Universal Medicine but to the quality of life that you each have brought into your relationship. It feels so ordinary and natural to do so but at the same time I can feel the amazing reflection you are offering to others that a relationship like yours is absolutely possible when you bring true love, equality and truth into the relationship equation.

  33. The Ageless Wisdom is a truth we all know and can feel. Serge Benhayon presents and inspires a way of living that develops our awareness of this truth.

  34. Beautiful to hear a couple expressing with such love together in a blog like this. It is a simple way of life and it is completely un-harmful, in my opinion anyone that says any different clearly has an agenda.

  35. Victoria you said it perfectly when you stated that it’s not UM that causes the upheaval in a relationship but the truth that one party has brought. When all that is love, is brought to a relationship, all that is not comes to the surface to be cleared.

    1. It’s actually such an awesome opportunity to evolve together… but it’s always a choice and if someone doesn’t want to there is no one to blame.

      1. Total Aimee, and if blame has slipped into the relationship you know evolution has not been the chosen path.

  36. As someone who lived my life totally shut off to others, on the surface friendly enough and got along with everyone, often the life of the party, underneath this I never truly let people get too close. Thank goodness for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine- which has supported me to deeply love and value myself and be able to share that with others and open up to a relationship.

  37. I was single for many years before UniMed and after a few years I entered a relationship with another student and I have learnt so much about loving myself and the responsibility I hold. In past relationships it was all based on need and fantasy living up to an image and picture of what love looked like relying on the relationship to fulfill what I was not bringing to myself. It has been the most profound experience letting out the depth of my love which grows exponentially day by day. Living in an esoteric relationship is love where before it was emotional need. Worlds a part – makes sense why this is reaction!

  38. As you say Frank living in an intimate relationship is actually a win-win situation as when we choose for growth and prosperity we do actually support one another in this development and any moment will be further evolved than the moment before, a continuous learning and growing. That is a beautiful way to live with one another as it has a purpose to it that is so completely different from living in an arrangement, where you are limiting development and growth by the spoken or unspoken agreements being made and laid in the foundation of the relationship.

  39. When a relationship fails too many look high and low to blame someone or something else but one thing I am learning more and more is that we are all fully and completely responsible for how our life unfolds whatever that may be and in whichever direction it may go.

  40. There are really two kinds of relationship we can have, aren’t there… In one, we seek to confirm the well-worn habits, ruts and known behaviours that have suited us in our lives – we don’t really want change, and however strained things may even be at times, at least this is a ‘known’ and we’d rather stay with the ‘known’ than truly honour any stirrings of self-claiming that arise from within from time to time… We may even convince ourselves that this is ‘as good as it gets’…
    In the second, we are deeply willing to be with each other and also recognise that life isn’t just about securing our own ‘nest’, and finding a way of traversing the well-worn ruts that are comfortable to us. We are actually willing to acknowledge that basically, our relationship is not just about ‘us’, it’s about living in a way where one’s love for one’s partner has no static point. It’s about living in a way where we are willing to be not only challenged by each other’s growth and deepening, but deeply inspired by this – to support and allow each other the space to be all that they truly are, and deal with ANY hindrances (inclusive of personal need…) that would want to quash this in any way whatsoever. In this, it’s essentially about evolution, i.e. our return to all that we are and a rich and soul-full way of living that embraces all in our love. Old ways of ‘accepted compromise’ and the rest, simply have no place, and can be met through the commitment intrinsic to such a relationship, ever aware that none of it – none of what we are and represent together – is about ‘us’ alone.

  41. To me, the ‘disgruntled few’ have revealed just how readily we seek to blame factors outside of a relationship when things move out of our control. Sure, when one party begins to make some changes in their lives – as you’ve shared here Victoria and Frank, changes that actually speak of taking deeper care for oneself – boats can be rocked. And all hell may break loose when one partner says ‘no’ to abuses emotional and otherwise, that he or she can simply no longer accept.
    What dark sides of human behaviour can be exhibited when we can no longer dominate and control… It seems we’d rather seek to destroy whomever outside of the relationship we’ve chosen to blame, rather than actually take a moment to reflect upon what a change of circumstance is showing, if not offering us, in terms of our own growth in the relationships of our lives.

    1. Interesting sharing, and very true, ‘What dark sides of human behaviour can be exhibited when we can no longer dominate and control… ‘

  42. Thankyou Frank and Victoria, for me the heart of what Universal Medicine offers is to make life about love – that has got to be good for relationships! It has certain impacted all of my relationships is very positive ways including my relationship with myself.

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