by Anne Malatt, Australia
I used to suffer with road rage. My veneer of ‘niceness’ would crack when I was driving and all my pent-up frustration and rage would come pouring out. There were no words for how I felt and I used to invent expletives. I was still like this when my children were little: they would squeal with delight when they heard a new word like ‘dick-brain’ and repeat it over and over.
My pet hates were people who would pull into the passing lane and drive slowly, so that no-one could pass anyone; people who drove slowly, for any reason; and tailgaters. I love driving, but I liked to drive fast: I was usually running late, and I did not like anyone getting in my way.
I tried as hard as I could to control myself, to have understanding and compassion for why people drove the way they did. I reminded myself that if I wasn’t running late, it would not matter, but still the rage poured forth.
The other day I was driving along and I realised that I was driving within the speed limit: I was not getting annoyed, even though people were still doing what they have always done… and I was really enjoying myself.
What has happened?
I met Serge Benhayon and began to attend Universal Medicine courses and workshops. Serge teaches a way of living that is simple, loving and natural. I had been living far from this way of life, but have been inspired and lovingly supported to return to this way, which now feels true for me.
Firstly, I have learned to try and take responsibility for everything I do and feel, without blaming anyone else, no matter how they are behaving. When I feel frustrated, it is my frustration, and I try to see and feel where it is coming from. When I blamed other people for my problems, I lived in hell. Now, no matter what is going on, I know I am responsible for my life and for everything in my world, and with that responsibility comes the freedom to do something about the things that trouble me, or at least the way I feel about them.
Secondly, I have come to learn that I can only do what I can do, and to only fit into an hour what I can do in an hour, so I am not always running late now. I have come to learn to love myself for who I am, not what I do, so I no longer put so much pressure on myself to do as much as I can all of the time.
Thirdly, I have come to learn to let people in. Not just literally on the road, but into my world, into my heart, as my equals, as fellow human beings. So, when someone pulls out in front of me, I let them in. I realise they are in my world for a reason, even if I don’t understand what that reason is, and even if they have pulled out into the only passing lane between Bangalow and Lismore and I am now going to be late, I let them in and let them be.
It is truly amazing what a difference this has made in my life, to the pace I live and the pace I drive. I love driving now, and use my time in the car as a time to be with myself, to prepare myself for work, to wind down afterwards… and sometimes just to sing and have fun!
Of course, I am still human and old habits die hard. Sometimes I find myself feeling frustrated again. Now, I see this as an opportunity to look more deeply at myself and why I feel this way. Road rage is now a reflection of my way of living, and a way to show me that something is not true in myself and my world. At times when I am in the car with my children, I hear them saying things I used to say. Soon they will be driving, and road rage may be their opportunity for self-reflection, learning and letting people in, too!
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
Our driving can show us a lot about ourselves and the way we operate through life.
When we play human beings and only see cars and drivers is one thing. When we see bodies in motion interacting with each other the scene looks slightly different. It is no longer about making sure that no one stands in your way, hence you bullying others, because is no longer about you but about us.
I was feeling very annoyed on the road yesterday. I was very unwell and had pushed myself to get in the car to run an errand. It seemed like every person on the road was reflecting disregard for others, Driving across 2 lanes etc. I found myself coming up with nasty ways of expressing my frustration but kept the thoughts in my head. Just thinking about insults seemed to satisfy me.
I can now see that the people on the road were showing me that my choice to run the errand was disregarding of myself and therefore disregarding of others even though it seemed like a ‘good’ thing to do.
This is such a very real sharing Anne, one that I know so many of us will relate to, I know that I can. My change in the way I drove came from understanding that everything I was feeling before I got into the car came with me and my frustration or anger was actually not with the person in front of me, they simply triggered what was sitting unresolved in my body. I absolutely love the way I drive these days, letting people in without a frisson of resentment, not worrying if I’m held up at road works and I even have come to love red lights as I know that I have a moment to stop and feel what is happening in my body at the precious moment in time.
I got pulled up by an unmarked police car a couple of months ago for being an annoying driver and I said to the officer that yes, I was annoyed by the annoying driver in front of me who seemed to be blocking me from passing him and I realised that I had become the annoying driver myself. Lucky, he didn’t book me. It was a real wake-up call as you are what you see!
If we have a veneer of niceness, it is bound to crack somewhere.
I can very much relate to this. The way I used to experience the world was totally self-centered and that it was all against me and it was to blame for all my predicament, so learning to take responsibility for my reactions and understanding and accepting that I am in this world just like everyone else is is an ongoing process for me.
Letting people in is so supportive, loving and evolving. It doesn’t feel natural to block anyone out because every part of us naturally wants to connect and let people in.
The opening paragraph made me laugh – nothing like kids to bring the reality of our ridiculousness to us.
Our frustrations and reactions are entirely our responsibility to deal with. This fact used to make me so mad! Ha! But as your blog perfectly demonstrates recognising our own responsiblity is key to true contentment and unflappability.
Yes we keep it pent up throughout the day but it can really come out on the roads! Great to understand that what occurs whilst driving is more an accumulation of undealt with stuff for a while rather than the specific incident occurring on the road.
I agree driving is a lesson of letting people in, being patient and consistent and steady that is what I have also learned and really enjoy driving now. I am also aware of just how many bullies are on the road driving up behind me and flashing their lights I could feel the energy of one driver tonight I really thought they were going to hit me just to get me out of the way!! So yes lessons learned all around and maybe for some people they are just not ready or do not want to learn yet!
We were driving home yesterday and there was a six car accident with all the cars running into the back of each other. I hadn’t seen so many vehicles in an accident for so long and we made comment to it along those lines. From reading this article I wonder what happened there, were they travelling too close to each other or was there something else happening. From this article you can take a lot and read a lot about the way we drive and travel around. It’s not a dead end street either as each time we step into driving we have the opportunity to see more or to go about something in a different way. I love driving also and as in life there is always something we can learn no matter what our age or experience.
Beautiful Anne and a great blog to read if one experiences rage on or off the road. When I accept responsibility for my own reactions I have an opportunity to let go of what is upsetting me rather than have it poison my body.
Thank you Anne, it is great to be able to appreciate the opportunities we are offered to develop the relationship with self whilst driving, if we approach it with purpose- driving can be a time to regenerate and deeply connect with our soul.
Every time we hop in the car we have the opportunity to check ourselves out and see where we are. A moment to really say hey where are you at. From the way we touch the steering wheel to the way we touch the gear stick to change gears. Each movement if we so choose to be aware of can reveal so much to where we are and what is going on.
We lose so much of life when we make it about ourselves to the disregard of everyone else. In those moments we see ourselves as superior to others and close off from people and the reflections they bring to us.
I now allow myself time to get to my destination on time by giving myself plenty of time, for the times I encounter someone driving 60k in an 80k zone with no space to overtake. In the past this had been one of my irritations and frustrations I had clocked this and found that I was no longer with my body but way ahead in push and drive towards my destination, and the slow driver was what was needed to slow down my drive.
I always love reading this. I find myself falling into old habits of being crazy frustrated by others on the road, and let’s face it….people can be very testing! The difference now is that I notice I’ve gone into frustration the split second I’ve done it. Just that alone is enough to offer me a choice to settle down, or to keep going, and in that I also have to recognise that it is purely a choice I am making and perpetuating if I choose to go into the drama of road rage. Self reflection has been a powerful thing and an ongoing lesson in self responsibility.
Anne I smiled as I read your blog, because I too have been frustrated by other drivers. It is lovely to drive now without being affected by other drivers bad habits or inconsiderate behaviour, because as soon as we react we separate ourselves from who we truly are.
When I read this blog for the first time, I could still feel the road rage existing within me and the blog helped me bring more understanding or ponder on what was being reflected to me. I read this blog for the second time and I feel more understanding in everyone around me. I observe drivers driving fast or over taking from lanes where they are supposed to turn, and despite a responsibility on their part, I now have more of an understanding of where they are at in their own lives and sharing their story through the driving – if that makes sense.
Whats even more lovely that reading this blog for the second time (and other comments), confirms I am at a different depth of living within myself and who would have thought a blog could make a difference to ones life and living – its powerful.
Letting people in … when we meet, connect and when we drive. Everything is a reflection of everything else and the all, so one instance of letting in is incomplete without all the others.
Frustration and cars and roads… it’s a biggie for most of us and it certainly has been for me (and sometimes still is). So what is frustration? It’s what we feel when things don’t go our way, when we don’t have control. Yes, we need to have ‘control’ of our vehicles as we drive, as in have command of them, but we don’t need to be controlling. As an antidote I find it useful to imagine me and my car as part of a giant school of fish, all swimming together, harmonious and going with the flow with a ‘live, and let live’ attitude.
Thank you for being so honest about the way you at times experienced road rage – and that you now have chosen to look beyond and no longer (to the best of your ability) blame people for those things you are feeling inside. The most loving way this actually is to be honest with oneself , so that you understand yourself more and so can let go of things that actually form a barrier within yourself and between you and other people.
Hmm – interesting point that made me stop. To only fit into an hour what you can do in an hour. That is a bit of a game changer for someone who is constantly trying to pack more in, running to catch up, driving too fast to not be late.
Huge turn around in this article and it’s safe to go back onto the roads by the look of it. I’ve experienced this too and now have simply more understanding. At times we assume the world revolves around only what we are doing and so we get upset when others get in our way and yet we don’t realise they are moving around the same way dealing with whatever is going on for them. I have seen many times I have assumed I’ve known everything only to find out more and so in this way I’m living different which is then driving differently. I don’t assume to know from looking or reading something or by just living in my world. I open up to others, ask questions and look deeper into what I am feeling. Running around or driving like I am the only one living in the world can bring a very narrow view to things and this simply has never supported me or anyone.
Awesome blog, it is interesting how many people put so much energy into road rage and other strong emotions, what if the same energy was put into loving themselves and bringing that to the world… this is what you chose Anne and your reflection now has the power to inspire and ignite this change within others too – love it.
“Road rage is now a reflection of my way of living, and a way to show me that something is not true in myself and my world.” . . .beautiful Anne as this is the way we can look at all of life as everything is a reflection to learn from.
This blog reminds me so much of how I have been on the road and from time to time I can fall back to old ways, which frankly isn’t nice.
I loved the third point and a reminder for me to let people in and treat them as my equals and see it for what it is – the message may not be so obvious at the time.
Thank you Anne, this is a cracker of a line “When I blamed other people for my problems, I lived in hell” I bet a lot of people could relate to this or see that clearly in others. It’s like we set ourselves up to perpetuate our misery by blaming others, it’s the ultimate disempowerment. The true power is in responsibility, it’s not the ogre it’s made out to be, responsibility for self is actually a very loving foundation that leads to a lot of wisdom. Our life and the quality of our life is always in our own hands.
It is interesting how much our driving reflects us in life and hints about our relationship with evolution. We react against slow drivers, and all kind of drivers that stand in our way. We want to go fast and we make them the reason why we cannot. It is not about them, it is about us. And, the speed is only related to quality not to anything else. Only us stand in our way.
“I let them in and let them be” I can feel the embracing of and openness to others rather than seeing everyone as a challenge in this acceptance of yourself.
Great blog Anne. My emotions are my creation and I am responsible for them. The way I drive reflects the way I live.
I fine as I am driving on the road I am always wanting to get ahead of the car in front of me so I can see well up ahead, possibly a bit of checking out here, as I avoid heavy traffic areas.
I used to get so frustrated by slow drivers, I didn’t ever address this, but the more I enjoyed being myself the more I started to enjoy being in flow of traffic… No matter what speed it was going. Road rage is definitely a symptom rather than the main problem.
I used to also get impatient with slow drivers then one day I realised that I could see and experience it as a blessing, time to slow myself down, enjoy the scenery and just accept the different pace and see what it would bring to me.
Absolutely, so true. Slow drivers are a great opportunity to experience a different pace and to slow ourselves down, and most often in those moments I am often rushing or out of rhythm so these little moments of correction are super helpful.
If I get frustrated with slow drivers it’s like a big bell going off for me to look at. Why am I in a hurry? Is there a need to hurry? I have the choice to flow with what life presents or I can try to impose my own carved path and take that path in rush or in drive.
Yeh – it’s actually an amazing feeling being in the flow of life (or traffic), it always reminds me I’m a small part of something amazing.
Anne I love what you have shared about road rage as I was such a person too. Nowadays friends love to drive with me as I am calm and not so hectic anymore and as you have mentioned I am a human being too and sometimes old habits occur but I have to admit I really do not like it anymore as afterwards my whole body is in such an tension and stress . . . it is so much more welcome to be more responsible for how I was living before!
The fact that you are now willing to take responsibility for your own emotions is huge. We are raised in a society that normalisers blame. Regardless of how anyone else carries on, it does not give us the right or a free pass to do the same, I love that you are finding a new way on the road, for as you carve this path, it supports us all to do the same, on and off the road.
One of the interesting things I’ve noticed is when someone does something unpleasant like being angry, people then react and begin being angry themselves….about the anger! This is just one example of many I’ve seen in my own and others lives, but at some point we have to cut the cycle and realise we are just adding the same harmful energy back into the mix, in a world that is already highly polluted with emotion and disturbances.
When we bring the willingness to understand and address why we are feeling emotions such as anger and frustration, why we feel the agitation that can never truly be masked, we then can come to a settlement within ourselves and our bodies, and return to a true state of being. As such we are able to bring this quality of settlement, understanding and presence to any situation, where we are always offered the opportunity to deepen our connection to the consistency love.
Learning to see and be in the world with other people in as well is sometimes challenging but totally amazing and enriching process for me.
I cracked myself up one day, when one of the old abusive words came out whilst driving (‘dick-brain’ was also an old favourite…), along with the gesticulations I learnt particularly well growing up driving in the city of Melbourne, Australia (known for its ‘traffic issues’), along with something of a family history around road rage (of the more serious kind)… I cracked myself up because I was driving a former partner’s car at the time, with a super-dark tint on the windows, and all the window up, aircon on… no-one could have seen a blink of me, let alone heard what I ushered forth…
I’d also been attending Univeral Medicine workshops for some time and recognised that I’d just gone back into the ‘old familiar’ way – and it simply wasn’t true for me AT ALL anymore… Haha… I reckon ‘dick-brain’ ushered forth just a few times after that day, and then it was done. Yes, I’d changed.
The hands occasionally come up to gesticulate though – though I’ll honestly admit, the frustration is nowhere NEAR what it once was. It’s actually more of a way of saying ‘be careful’ to another now if I gesture anything (yes, truly…).
Your honesty got me Anne and I have to admit that road rage was something I was also guilty of. I too met Serge Benhayon and now I am driving nearly without road rage as well. I also bring now more stillness in the road traffic and I can feel that this is very much needed as I was not the only one with road rage.
The pace you drive is a reflection on the way you live.
You can feel that driving is a reflection of how we live our lives and the pace we operate in. You can feel by your blog that there would have been a change in the momentum of your life for a change to then happen like it did with your driving.
A beautiful turnaround Anne. Road rage stems from a deep non-acceptance that there are others here all around us that we share this plane of life with and whose movements will not always be the way that we would like them to be based on a picture of what we think the world should and shouldn’t look like. We judge another for their ill ways so as not to expose the one and same energy that is driving us.
An inspiring change of outlook from road rage to acceptance of yourself and others and choosing to let people in to your heart again.
“….I have come to learn to let people in. Not just literally on the road, but into my world, into my heart, as my equals, as fellow human beings. So, when someone pulls out in front of me, I let them in. I realise they are in my world for a reason”.
‘Thirdly, I have come to learn to let people in.’ This is a game changer in our lives. When we let people in we are more likely to allow space for them (not just on the road) and we bring a deeper level of understanding to the situation or our relationship.
The funny thing is when we rush we tend try to squeeze in even more on our list of things to do but it is the overflow of this pressure that sends us into a multitude of emotional reactions to relieve that pressure which only serves to undermine us even further. Accepting that we have done enough when we actually have done enough is an art that we all need to develop.
Road rage is just the end product of something that has been building up and bubbling away within us. Un-dealt with emotions are then given an opportunity to surface and in most cases explode out. Driving gives us a great opportunity to see where we really are.
It is interesting how life changes when we start to look at our responsibility and what we are contributing towards a situation, and things then seem to resolve themselves.
So hilarious and so exactly how I feel on the road..the former that is! Although, I too have started to become more patient, less anxious about time when I’m on the road, but as you say Anne, old habits die hard, and it often surprises me just how quickly I will fall back into feeling so frustrated at slow drivers!
I love how certain activities, like driving a car, magnify how we are in life, and if we are willing and allow ourselves this reflection to see there is so much to learn from it that then enables us to make changes that truly support us.
Anne I thank you for sharing your experience and learning through ” Road rage”. I love your light hearted way of sharing what you have learnt and many of us have had similar experiences where we have lost it by becoming annoyed by another drivers antics on the road. By becoming more accepting of our part in what happens in our lives does mask as difference, thank you for the reminder!
One – it goes to show how everything we do has an effect on everyone else – for example, your children picking up behaviours, and two, the anger, rage and frustration you choose was affecting everyone else on the road, in many more ways than we can see. There are a lot of erratic drivers out there who have no respect, decency or care for anybody. This is why it’s important for us to drive with absolute care, decency, and respect – otherwise we are harming everybody – not to mention the harm we take into the office or work to our family, partners, friends or work colleagues when we get home, to work or wherever we are going. There is a lot of responsibility being asked for us to live, on many levels here.
You can feel so much from other cars on the road, and can feel the mood of the driver. For instance if you are driving at the speed limit and someone comes up behind being impatient you can instantly feel it, and they either calm down or pass impatiently, only to be sat in a queue further down the line. There is so much to learn about ourselves and how we interact with the world when out driving – love it.
What I love about being on the road is that you’re just part of one big flow of life, it literally moves in every direction around you and you are just a small part of something magnificent. For me that is a moment of complete contentment.
The way we drive is such a great reflection of how we are living. I know for example that when I am not feeling confident in myself my car parking is terrible!
I love that line too Elizabeth, it brings a deeper awareness of the responsibility we all hold no matter what we are doing in life.
There really is nothing to gain in blame, it’s a blind alley, if we’re frustrated, it’s ours to look at, and we can change that, once we’re willing to be honest and responsible for ourselves and the choices we make. Your blog today has many gems but one stopped me, “I can only do what I can do”. Now I’m one of those people who puts myself into, and indeed accepts unrealistic deadlines, and then stresses to meet them, and your offering today really has me asking why would I put myself under that pressure and indeed what quality am I doing all those things in, if I’m not taking into account me, my body and what is possible. So great to see this and to consider how and where this plays out in my life.
It is beautiful to be able to take responsibility for what we do and say, and know that we can learn from every minute frustration that comes up, as it is always a sign of not letting something go or a hurt we don’t want to feel.
It had never occurred to me to let people into my life while driving, I like it. Reading that paragraph had me feel how separate I keep myself when I’m in my car placing others in THEIR car. It’s a great way to protect yourself, like being in your own bubble, when in truth the car is only a physical illusion for energy has no walls.
In my opinion to take responsibility for our own reactions in life is one of the greatest freedoms we can have.
“I tried as hard as I could to control myself, to have understanding and compassion for why people drove the way they did. I reminded myself that if I wasn’t running late, it would not matter, but still the rage poured forth” This shows so beautifully how we are aware of our ‘vices’ and try to change them but tackle them from the wrong end. As, if we do not change how we are with ourselves and how we live our life we will not be able to bring this to another. If there is no compassion and understanding truly for myself how can I possibly bring this to another.
It’s like reading my own story…although whilst I’m getting better at accepting what happens on the road, mostly through how I choose to live off the road, I am still very easily annoyed by all the above. I have to laugh, because reading it all sounds a bit pointless and like a huge waste of energy. When I really sit with it, I realise that in all my rushing, I save but a few minutes…but in the moment of getting where I need to get, I convince myself that I can read the road so well, that through anticipating the traffic, I will make it bang on the dot of time. But….where does all this tension leave me? It leaves me a little on edge when I arrive at my destination, which naturally takes some time to calm down. And the danger of living like this is that I maintain a constant hum of anxiety that runs through my nervous system….always in fight or flight.
I can certainly relate to having road rage in the past. After reading your blog Anne and reflecting on how I behave on the road recently, I notice how judgmental thoughts easily creep in, when I am in my car, of other drivers. Like you shared, how I live my life reflects how I am when I am driving. This highlights to me what I need to work on, developing more appreciation and self-acceptance. Also be open to learn to observe and not react.
Ah, I so get this. My car and driving has afforded me similar lessons, the gift is taking responsibility for how I am feeling and asking if I am putting myself in a situation that could have been avoided with a little more care for myself and others. In fact, it has changed loads and I realised that I was creating situations that resulted in me being frustrated and late that spilled out onto the road and my car. Although I wasn’t really a big ‘road-rager’ I definitely simmered with frustration and resentment when someone slowed me down: “with that responsibility comes the freedom to do something about the things that trouble me, or at least the way I feel about them.”
I actually find it deeply saddening the way people drive, many don’t care about people or nature, there is a push, arrogance and a force that feels awful, they make it all about themselves. Sometimes on their phones, driving over the speed limit, not signalling, the list could go on. I have noticed this in car parks too, or where people park their cars, in disabled spaces when they are not disabled, on double yellow lines, often in residential areas which can make it difficult for those living there to reverse out their drive, across parking bays in car parks so others cannot get in, or in parent and child spaces, when they have no child in the car. There is not one ounce of care or thought for people or the law, as often it is illegal.
This is beautifully honest Anne, I often drive long distances to work and can often catch myself speeding even when I have plenty of time, I am too focused on getting there instead of being in the moment and enjoying the time connecting with me.
How beautiful to shift from fighting life to flowing with it realising that there is ‘communication’ constantly supporting us to understand, grow and evolve. When I am in that flow of communication I find that there is a rhythm to life that feels very harmonious. It doesn’t mean we have to drive slowly by any means – but it is driving with the flow of life rather than trying to change what is.
I love how honestly and simply you share your experiences Anne, I too find if I do not let myself have enough time so as not to be in a rush this is then reflected in how I am driving, which is usually getting frustrated with slow drivers. When I do give myself plenty of time to get ready for my trip then driving becomes enjoyable, and I am respectful to others drivers on the road.
Great sharing and reminder that everything that happens happens for a reason for us to evolve.
I know I shouldn’t laugh! but the way you wrote this really made me laugh ‘There were no words for how I felt and I used to invent expletives. I was still like this when my children were little: they would squeal with delight when they heard a new word like ‘dick-brain’ and repeat it over and over.’ …. thank you it was much needed … the laugh. I can really relate with what you have shared, I didn’t necessarily like driving fast it just felt that I wasn’t driving fast when I was! Hence one year I got 9 points on my licence in just 2 months for 3 separate incidences of driving fast! I love driving and now really take me care with everything including speed limits. I recently got given a hired car to drive for a few days and OMG this is when I realised that our cars do really represent our bodies it felt so solid and gorgeous to drive a truly lovely experience including driving lovingly and carefully : ) Also this is so true .. ‘Serge teaches a way of living that is simple, loving and natural.’ He certainly has and my life has changed so much from knowing him and making a lot more loving choices in my life 💕
Letting others in and having the willingness to understand allows us to meet life in a totally different way, one that is inclusive and more harmonious for ourselves and others. A true healing.
I used to find this when walking down the street, getting caught behind two mums with prams taking up the whole path or a group slowly walking. I would get frustrated that I couldn’t continue with the war-path I was stomping around in trying to get everything done, not just physically but running with a constant tick list in my head that wanted to add more, more, more with every second. These days if I get caught behind someone I am not so quick to get frustrated but check in to see if I was in drive mode, running faster than is healthy, or speed walking in a rush to achieve my expectations on myself and life. It’s a great stop moment to change gears in how I am moving and now more often I appreciate walking slowly behind someone as it does bring me a moment of reflection.
I too used to get regularly frustrated at other drivers and reading this post I marvel at how rare that is nowadays. Learning to build understanding instead of jumping to blame people for behaviour that I would not choose has been a great step. And also knowing that external situations do not automatically have to unbalance me, and if that happens it shows me that there is something I need to address: e.g. I have not left enough time so anything unexpected will throw me, I have not taken care of my rest/food/drink so I am feeling over-reactive, I have other unresolved issues that have left me less able to deal with new situations. It would be great if this level of understanding and responsibility was taught right from young.
I love the way you share that the way we drive is a reflection of the way we live. I find I get quite angry on the road when someone is pushing me to go faster, run a light or take off faster at the lights. I take the aggression of other drivers personally rather than simply see and understand that they have their own stuff going on. After reading this it isn’t hard to see that I take things personally off the road too. Thank you Anne.
Invariably we find that the supposed source of our frustration is not actually the source at all, but the catalyst for a reaction that was simply waiting to unleash as a result of built up tension. This is what makes human psychology actually difficult to deal with in the sense that all to often our reactions to things are actually to do with something else, generally something that has happened way back in the past, and it is our deep dishonesty and refusal to be transparent with ourselves and with others that prevents us from being able to correlate our emotional reactions with their true root cause.
My version of ‘road rage’ usually reflects that I am or want to be ahead of myself trying to beat time; as soon as I recognise I call myself back to being simply where I am e.g. the traffic jam.
Ahh, the things we learn about ourselves by looking at how we drive is massive. And it is not only the racy rushing there is also the constant checking out to consider . . . how we arrive at our destination in one piece often baffles me.
Thank you Anne, I love your lighthearted approach to this subject. When I catch myself acting out in frustration on the road I usually end up feeling ashamed of my behaviour and shocked by the tirade I have allowed through my body. You have inspired me to bring more understanding all round when I find myself in this situation both on and off the road.
The race against time that can never be won as the state one arrives at the final destination in if racing is still racy and ruffled! I can relate Anne and at times still can be racing to get somewhere but now see that slow person who pulls out in front of me as an angel who is reminding me to slow down and be with myself as we all get there in the end. Better to arrive with oneself in tact than risk everyone’s lives and your own nerves dangerously overtaking on winding country roads only to find we all get to the next town at about the same time anyway!
‘When I blamed other people for my problems, I lived in hell. Now, no matter what is going on, I know I am responsible for my life and for everything in my world’. What you share in these few words is not only true Anne but a truth that if accepted and embraced by all others equally will literally transform the messy world we have created. A world today that on so many levels is being completely overshadowed by irresponsibility and all too often haunted by a victim mentality that cripples us from our true potential.
I just recently realised this Anne, that when I let myself feel we are on the road together and all for a reason I don’t get frustrated or not that much… when I find myself in a traffic jam. And interestingly, without being invested in the outcome, but when I let people in there comes more of a flow on the road and the traffic jam changes.
Thanks Anneliese. This is a beautiful insight.
Ohh the amount of times I have had someone pull out in front of me on the only over taking lane from Bangalow to Lismore and slow down! Even if you are not local and do not know this road you can hear in my tone what it means, it means stuck behind a slow car on a long winding road. Whats interesting is that if you do mange to over take them illegally crossing double lines and all the stress and anxiousness that surrounds the rally race in your mind is never worth it – especially when you arrive in town and come to a zebra crossing and there you all are, all your imaginary competitors in a row, it makes me laugh every time.
Yes, I do know this one…I see it these days as Gods little joke, time to slow down and take in the scenery, a blessing really.:)
It is deeply empowering to get to a place where you realise that blame is not the answer and that when you are responsible for everything in your life and not at the mercy of reacting to what others do, there is a freedom in being able to address everything that troubles you and the way you feel about them.
“I have come to learn to let people in. Not just literally on the road, but into my world, into my heart, as my equals, as fellow human beings. So, when someone pulls out in front of me, I let them in. I realise they are in my world for a reason, even if I don’t understand what that reason is” – I so had to read this, Anne. Thank you.
Anne it’s intriguing as to why we have to go into these old habits and patterns before we realise we are only harming ourselves, putting such tension and pressure on our bodies. Especially when we know about road rage and rushing, we somehow think it doesn’t apply to us or we can outsmart it.
Until we realise our impulses to disregard the law, and other drivers is actually disregarding our part in the whole and the interconnection we all operate in…only then do we start to feel our responsibility in the big picture.
I just love the honesty Anne – when we have all this unresolved frustration it comes out, maybe not in the way we expect it to, or creating some seeming unrelated illness, but come out it will as the body can only contain so much before it will tell us with increasing strength that something is not right.
I love what you’ve shared about letting people in – even when they drive unexpectedly in front of you on the road! It’s an amusing thought, however it is vitally important to realise that when we don’t react we are setting an example for all other drivers to be more considerate on the road and not abusing others instead of going along with the norm of beeping and cursing.
I love the way you look at people passing in front of you now, they are there in our vicinity for a reason. And that reason is not to get annoyed by them, I feel it is so important to have an understanding for everyone. And have the understanding for ourselves too.
” I have come to learn to love myself for who I am, not what I do, so I no longer put so much pressure on myself to do as much as I can all of the time.” This is huge Anne, as so many of us try to fit more and more into less time available, No wonder the world is so stressed. Loving who we are rather than what we can do is key here.
“I have come to learn that I can only do what I can do”. These words and the lesson that comes with them was a long time coming for me, but once I acknowledged what living like this was doing to my body, my life of rush, push and drive began to slow down. Although I still have days when I try to cram in more than is humanly possible, it doesn’t take long for my body to gently remind me that this is not the way I choose to live any more.
I resort to speeding when I haven’t allowed enough time, leaving the house in this rush creates a tension in my body making it easy to speed to make up for lost time. I really don’t enjoy this feeling and I am in the process of making more space in my day so there is no need for these last minutes rushes.
Beautiful Anne. When we feel the harmony within us and that it is possible to take this out on the road it feels lovely. It is often striking that being out on the road feels very aggressive and that there is a lot of aggression and road rage being directed at everyone all of the time. I find sometimes it is hard to not be affected by this. But is is easier for me when I am aware that people love to get their frustrations out when they drive so I need to take that extra resolve and awareness with me.
” I know I am responsible for my life and for everything in my world, and with that responsibility comes the freedom to do something about the things that trouble me, or at least the way I feel about them.” Great point Anne, we all have the freedom to choose a different way of living with ourselves and the world around us so that we don’t add to the energy of frustration and road rage as we travel through life.
I like the analogy you make about the way we drive our car and the way we choose to live our life Anne. I like to drive fast too and my friends joke that I must have been a racing car driver in a past life 🙂 but slowly my driving is becoming more gentle as am I.
Yes this is great. Letting other people be and appreciating whatever it is that they are bringing and appreciating ourselves for not absorbing or reacting and realising there is a learning in every situation.
“I love driving, but I liked to drive fast: I was usually running late, and I did not like anyone getting in my way.” When one runs late, the one that stands in its own way is oneself. But we do not want to see this. We use others to fit the story we are trying hard to convince ourselves of.
Driving, as you have shared here is a great way to check in as to how you are living that day. When I feel irritated on the road or with others drivers its a great indication that I need to take a moment to consider how I am living and what’s going on for me that day.
I enjoy your writing Anne, no beating around the bush, just honest and straight to the point. Many could take a leaf out of your book and we would have much less road rage and more peaceful and respectful journeys on our roads.
Thank you alisonmoir – I’d connected with the people slowing me down as a sign for me to do just that but I hadn’t – until I read your comment – connected the symbolism of letting people in in the traffic as being a message telling me to let people into my heart. The signs are everywhere!
I had a clear understanding today that the frustration I at times feel comes always back to myself and it does not help to blame it on another. It is a frustration towards me of having made choices or being unclear about things where I could have been more precise and then have to live with the consequences. Blaming it an another is simply wanting them to compensate for my ‘ill’ choices.
This is a great blog Anne, I haven’t read it for a while. Being inspired by Serge Benhayon, I know how that feels, then going out and living it myself, well, that’s still a work in progress. I remember hearing Serge say once ‘ I look for opportunities to give way ‘, unfortunately that one sticks with me, but I am far off living this one. I still only give way where it is the law, otherwise I let someone in and then they slow me down!! I guess it all starts with awareness…..
Wow, especially the end of your blog is so loving. It reflects a deep level of acceptance that you are able to hold your children in whatever choices they are going to take.
” … I have come to learn that I can only do what I can do, and to only fit into an hour what I can do in an hour, …”
I love this sentence, Anne, as it expresses so beautifully what I also have come to learn in the last few years. It is to be hoped that other people also offer themselves this viewpoint, as it makes life and society a whole lot more fun!
Road rage is becoming a real problem. I heard recently of an elderly man who was stabbed to death in England, because of road rage. This was like a snippet on the radio and I have no further knowledge of the event. I have, though, experienced other drivers reacting very strongly to situations on the road. I was trying to find my way on the outskirts of London not long ago and had slowed down to see the signs and I was met with a barrage of horn blowing and obvious displeasure. This frustration is already there in the person and the event just triggers the emotion. How amazing it would be if more of us could start to take responsibility for our reactions and begin to explore what is really going on as you have Anne.
Love your analogy of driving and letting people in Anne. Observing the world through the windows of your car allows you to see how people become when they wrap themselves in the steel bubble with wheels. I have known gentle loving people that are like Jekyll and Hyde when they get behind the wheel… ok maybe not that loving. They vent their non-spoken feelings in their metal juggernaut. Life is like the road and its users; everyone has their destination and has chosen how they are going to get there. We can chose to enjoy the journey or be the juggernaut.
Beautiful Anne, I feel the point about letting people in is huge, we are all in this together and as one to fight or even rage against our fellow human being is to rage against ourselves. With the love we build for ourselves we are then able to offer this to others in equal measure.
I smile when I read this as I remember one day Serge Benhayon said to me you drive faster backwards than I do forward as I was backing into a space. It was a great opportunity to reflect on how quickly I was living and to slow down and take more consideration in my daily activities.
I absolutely love this blog. With the focus firmly on me, indulgence in emotions doesn’t hold the same attraction. Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have given me back the keys to my own life!
I really enjoyed reading your blog Anne. How we drive is such a great reflection of how we are with ourselves, and others. When we get uptight about another’s actions, it is better to observe them, rather than going into reaction.
FANTASTIC Anne… what you have written is very empowering and jam packed full of wisdom. Our driving experience is certainly a big reflection of what is going on with us.
Anne, this is a great symbolic post about letting people in and the spaciousness this allows, and although I can feel it so relevant for the highway and cars, also apply this truth to the office lifts, and doors too (!) In fact anything where 2 people pass each other: do we allow in or by, or not? In other words, are we allowing with ourselves, or not? I see this as great practice towards developing ease with oneself, for ease with self = ease with another. This is harmony.
I love the lessons you have shared in this… appreciating the freedom there is in self-responsibility to change what you don’t like or how you feel about something is very powerful – it enables you to put both hands firmly on the wheel and steer your life and yourself to where and who you want to be.
Yes, dealing with my emotions while driving was (is) one of the hardest things to deal with but what I find is that the more I deal with road rage or the various stages before that, the less I end up with difficult situations like somebody driving in front of me at just the wrong speed or hitting the brakes before every curve or driving at very inconsistent speeds.
What a much more relaxing way to be- without the road rage.. I liked how you said this ‘When I blamed other people for my problems, I lived in hell.’ isn’t that the truth, because if you live like that, nothing is up to you and everyone else rules your life !
I love your reflections on driving Anne. “When I feel frustrated, it is my frustration, and I try to see and feel where it is coming from.” This is revelatory as I see many people always blame other for everything that happens in their own life. It is amazing how you have been able to change your way with driving around showing that we always have a choice to learn from a situation like this.
100% Agree with you both Lieke and Anne. We can have things that happen to us on the outside and blame our circumstances on these occurrences but they cannot be responsible for all the choices we have made leading up to that moment, which of course is 100% our own responsibility.
Whatever is happening in life and whatever our reaction there is something to learn and the reflections of these situations are invaluable. ‘Road rage is now a reflection of my way of living’. I am learning from these situations these days instead of feeling a victim of them.
Awesome blog Anne – There are so many of us who can clearly relate to what you have shared. The school run was my classic ‘pressure cooker’ moments and the clock watching prior to this did not help – speeding then, having to sit behind a farm tractor who seemed oblivious to our ‘need’ to get somewhere fast. A great lesson into not blaming others for our own predicaments. Taking back responsibility makes a huge difference in life – a great sharing thank you.
You reminded me Marion of that fact that when something is going on with me I always seem to get behind the slowest people, tractors, dust men, buses, hit every red light, but when things are flowing it’s like magic – I love how driving teaches us so much.
Reading this fantastic blog again this line really stood out “When I blamed other people for my problems, I lived in hell.” Wow – I could feel where I still blame my problems on others instead of taking responsibility and you are right Anne- it really is awful. Thank you for reminding me that I am completely in control of my circumstances as they are a result of my choices. If I don’t like the results I am getting I am free to change.
I can relate to taking the time to prepare myself for my work whilst driving in the morning and then winding down afterwards by singing along to Miranda and Michael Benhayon or Chris James songs.
“Letting people in” – one I am learning in everyday life. I would vary in my consistency with letting people in on the road, and that has changed. Now to be more consistent with letting people into my heart – and of course letting love out.
I agree Anne. Taking my foot off the accelerator in the way I drive and live every day allows me to enjoy being with me in everything I do and not be in such a rush to squeeze ‘just one more thing’ into my day, and to make space to truly connect with people. I really enjoy where you say “So, when someone pulls out in front of me, I let them in. I realise they are in my world for a reason”
I love how you write: “I have come to learn to let people in. Not just literally on the road, but into my world, into my heart, as my equals, as fellow human beings. So, when someone pulls out in front of me, I let them in. I realise they are in my world for a reason, even if I don’t understand what that reason is…”
This is so inspiring Anne!
The level of acceptance you have for yourself is extraordinary, Anne. Sharing it with us is pure joy for me. My body lights up and celebrates the beauty of you.
I loved reading this blog Anne for the honesty and the humour. It shows that not only do we have a responsibility to the other road users but to our passengers we carry also – it makes we think back to what I was like in the car whilst driving my children to school when they were younger.
OOH that’s a good one Julie, what was it like in the car with my kids when they were young? I feel like I am under the microscope as I now enter the world of driving lessons. That’s a real game changer, trying to stay calm as I am doing lessons with my teenagers.
Thank you Anne for another great blog. It’s amazing how the whole of our life begins to change when we treat ourselves with much more tenderness and care. It cannot but change and how we are with all that’s around us. I love the reflection of “letting people in” too.
I loved your very honest account of how you used to drive. I grew up in Europe and people tend to drive a lot faster there, or used to, so I too was rather intolerant of other people on the road, particularly when they clearly didn’t understand the ‘rules of the road’!!! However, I have learnt to self reflect on this and now try to treat my fellow drivers with the same consideration I would give anyone I meet. I’ve noticed that if I lapse and start to become a little intolerant, I get a loving reminder with a very slow driver right in front of me.
Anne I had a good laugh with your blog. I reflect that although I am not a road rage type, a certain impatience can creep into my drive to work in the mornings. This always happens when I have not allowed the space and care in the mornings needed to leave for work on time, resulting in an anxiousness and a push to get myself out of the door. So now I welcome the slow driver, and take that moment to reflect on what has happened and come back to me again.
This is brilliant. Even though I only drive occasionally and I may be that slow driver on the passing lane, if I just reflect back on how I relate and react to the people and the world around me, on the street, in my everyday life, this is so relevant, the road rage is the exact behaviour I turn to when I feel frustration. Thank you for this offering, Anne, this has helped me to have deeper understanding about my pattern and the healing way forward.
Just beautiful Anne, I loved reading your blog and could so relate to what you shared. Thankyou.
I loved this Anne! indeed it is a great opportunity for self reflection and acceptance of others.
My driving style is reflective of how I was feeling about myself and the world. I used to get very frustrated, judgemental and intolerant quickly when I would get a slow driver in front of me. I am deeply appreciative of how this has changed and what this and other enormous changes reflect to me about how there can be another way of living life.
This is very funny, Anne, I can just picture your children having so much fun with your expletives. How some people change when they are behind the steering wheel is a very interesting thing to watch. I have witnessed car park rage and trolley rage in supermarkets as well. I often let other cars in and when the driver of the car realises the fact that someone is actually letting him/her in, they all look very surprised which clearly means that people are not used to it. “Letting people in” could become a new campaign slogan for kinder driving (to start with).
My driving would have probably contributed to your road rage Anne. I find it funny when I witness the way people drive. In truth, I probably have made every driving mistake that I have witnessed on the road. I joke to think what is the hurry when a speeding driver flies past…..maybe they are the one to start dinner, put a load of washing on or mop the floor. All funnies aside, I do relate to the shift within me about how I now do not re-act as much to the things that are posed from the outside world. And driving is a great example of this playing out.
Anne I was a road rage freak as well – BMW and Mercedes drivers were my targets!!!! It was a possibility for me to let out all my frustration and anger – I was always aware of this but I didn’t want to stop it because I thought that it was a lot of fun. So for me road rage was always “a reflection of my way of living, and a way to show me that something was not true in myself and my world” but I did not want to take responsibility to change my way of living until I met Serge Benhayon . . .
Thank you for sharing this Anne. I can feel in what you share that there is an underlying nervous tension that drives this angst on the road, a tension which I often feel myself. I will now use this as an opportunity to feel what is going on for me in these moments rather than direct this at the other road users.
I love the connection to letting people in, you present here, whilst driving and being on the road.
I´m gonna work on that now too by knowing and feeling that it is true. Thank you.
I have recently observed that being more with me allows me more space and time which naturally occurs in every moment – whilst driving it feels lovely to make way for another – and in split seconds when I don’t because I have been ‘somewhere else’ in that moment it can feel terrible.
Anne I love how you have come to realise that your children’s behaviour is an opportunity for them to learn rather than an opportunity for you to bash yourself up. It is a much more loving way to see the situation, not to take anything on and feel guilty, rather letting your children take responsibility for their choices, beautiful.
Driving is such a great example of how we all are responsible for our behaviour and choices and how they can potentially impact on others. Not being organised and running late resulting in driving faster and driving erratically, impacts on all those people we share the road with.
I loved reading your blog Anne. Letting people in is something I am working on too.
Frustration and rage were two of my close friends until I met Serge Benhayon and started studying with Universal Medicine. Now my close friends are people. I am not using frustration and rage to keep people away anymore. And only recently I have realised that I in fact have a deep love for people and it hurt enormously to keep people at arms length the way I used to. As I now allow people to feel and know who I Am, It sometimes feels uncomfortable with this level of openness but as this passes I feel the Love I have for people get bigger and bigger. Sometimes I wonder how much Love I can feel at any given time. I do know that I am totally willing to find out!
Thank you Anne for so honestly sharing your experiences on the road of life, so much freedom comes when we take responsibility for what we are doing and how we are feeling, without the need to go into the blame game .
For me, this says it ALL: “I have learned to try and take responsibility for everything I do and feel, without blaming anyone else, no matter how they are behaving”. Great reminder!
For me, I could feel quite impatient in the car, so now I “do the fingertips” as a way of connecting back to myself.
Anne though I wasn’t one for getting angry on the roads often, I can relate to the importance of taking full responsibility for what happens in my life. When I slip into the old pattern of blaming others, it feels awful and nothing changes. Change is only possible when I choose to change the way I am and everything else flows easily from this.
Such an important lesson that you have shared for us all here. There is always a point to self reflect in each moment, in every situation we encounter. When we understand that it always comes back to us, it is much easier to accept what plays out. As you described there may still not be the understanding, but the manner in which the situation now unfolds is worlds apart from the rage and anxiety there may have been previously.
Awesome Anne, what a great way to look at the way we drive, what it brings up for us, and how this relates to how we manage things in our everyday life. I too have gone into some serious road rage, and for me it shows that I wasn’t saying what I felt, in my face to face encounters with people and instead would let it all come out when I was in my car by myself, and to someone that I didn’t even know and couldn’t hear me. I’m almost reformed – but still a great blog for all us road ragers to reflect on. 🙂
I can totally understand where you are coming from Anne, I was a chauffeur for a long time and I would also express road rage at times however as my livingness changed so did my behaviour when driving
I appreciate the reflection that I have from this blog. A lot of great lessons about the relationship in driving and living. I especially like how you share that you have learnt to let people in…”So, when someone pulls out in front of me, I let them in. I realise they are in my world for a reason, even if I don’t understand what that reason is…”
What I love about this blog is its simplicity and depth. We are speaking of every day things (driving) but the way of talking about it, talks back to us and reveals whole packages of patterns that we adopt and execute in automatic pilot. Until we get conscious of them.
Very well said Eduardo! All this blaming others can be such an automatic pattern that kicks in, you actually think it is normal to be frustrated about the outside. How the simpliest chores or acts can reveal so much to you, if you are willing to read it.
Even though I am not driving myself I can feel the difference between being in the car with someone who is present and aware or not. With people who are present and aware, I feel safe, they drive gently and even when they drive fast it still feels responsible. They never shout or swear at other drivers on the road or in any situation with traffic.
Thank you, Anne.
The point where you realize that frustration is in fact only your frustration with yourself is very huge. I felt this just yesterday on a deeper level. Suddenly I clearly could observe that my getting annoyed with others simply was being annoyed with me. What in truth annoyed me, was not the other person doing something I believed was wrong and not seeing that what they were doing would fail. But, I was annoyed by me not saying what was on my mind when the other one started to do, what later failed.
With every word I am reading from your blog, I feel a bit more “coming down”, being more in the moment. Feels very very good. Arriving by me – before I can go anywhere.
Great blog Anne. Haven’t we all been there and done that? I, too, have learned to take responsibility for my driving and ‘let people in’ whether it is driving or at the super market (another place for ‘road rage’). My latest frustration is ‘computer rage’. The computer nearly went through the window yesterday! However, this time, the computer stayed on the desk and I walked away from it, felt the frustration, took a breath (or three) and accepted I needed help with the mechanics of the computer, and it felt great that I was willing to ‘let people in’.
Great blog Anne. It’s lovely that you are now able to see road rage as “..a reflection of my way of living, and a way to show me that something is not true in myself and my world.” It’s so empowering for you to acknowledge this and be able to reflect on what is not true when you feel out of your rhythm.
Liked the light-heartedness in this. What an amazing transformation from road rage to driving joyfully and loving life.
An article that many of can relate to, what reflection it provides to us when we take the time to stop and feel how it effects us and others when we do anything especially tin the world of driving -expression in motion
i love your three points Ann, they would serve well on an educational poster! I too find that when i react to someone on the road that there is something going on within myself that i need to look at. If only we were taught this at driving lessons!
I can still sit in the car sometimes and hear myself say things to other drivers. It always is a reaction to something that happened earlier or something I did not express. But as you say, the awareness is there and these moments are to connect back to myself and not engage in the madness of the world.
i love how everything reflects something to us and driving is a great reflection. I notice if I’m running late that I get every red light or people will pull out, drive slowly, etc – you name it, it happens, and I’ve now learnt to accept it and see that it is because I’m out of rhythm and it is simply to show me that.
Yes Sandra, I agree, when I am out of rhythm everything goes wrong – it’s like a curse I used to think, when I least needed it, the traffic would be woeful, and I would get every red light.
Now I too use such situations as the mirror they are. I can see how life reflects back to me where I am at.
Fortunately for me, I choose to go with the flow so often now, it’s well worth it, I don’t let life irritate me anywhere near as much as it used to.
I too take responsibility about how / why I feel what I feel, it’s so much easier now than the powerlessness of blaming others.
Yes Sandra I knew this running late as well and I agree – for me it is the same that I have to accept that I am out of my rhythm. So feeling this is a very good reminder . . .
I second that sandradallimore. Sometimes it is hilarious what will be put in my way to make sure I see exactly what I have chosen!
Oh my goodness Anne, I can so relate to what you call road rage – I used to vent all my personal suppressed stuff in traffic, but never seeing that it actually was my stuff, always blaming the ‘idiots’ that didn’t know how to drive. I remeber I used to think if other people knew they would have been shocked, because I always only showed the nice facade. I wonder where it would eventually have taken me if I hadn’t come across the one man, Serge Benhayon, who taught me how to truly heal the hurts that I had suppressed my entire life.
This is so great! I love your honesty and sense of humour Anne. I relate to this all too well and still get angry with other drivers on the road but like you I am aware that this is a reflection of how I am living. I can never be reminded enough of this – absolute gold.
Couldn’t agree more Anne & Leonne
Isn’t it always, that when your in a hurry on the road seemingly all the slowest drivers appear ahead of you. These days I’m very grateful for the outward indicators that there might be something for ‘me to look at inside me’, but it wasn’t always the case. Anne, I too was a ‘speedster’ caught in a momentum of always rushing in my own ‘bubble’ to be early, yes early for anything I needed to attend. I received quite a hefty fine once because I was pushing myself to arrive half an hour early for work. I’m a far more moderate driver these days and am also so grateful that I now live in a way that is more loving and respectful of myself, my car and all those other ‘drivers’ on the road. I can literally ‘go with the flow’.