Road Rage

by Anne Malatt, Australia

I used to suffer with road rage. My veneer of ‘niceness’ would crack when I was driving and all my pent-up frustration and rage would come pouring out. There were no words for how I felt and I used to invent expletives. I was still like this when my children were little: they would squeal with delight when they heard a new word like ‘dick-brain’ and repeat it over and over.

My pet hates were people who would pull into the passing lane and drive slowly, so that no-one could pass anyone; people who drove slowly, for any reason; and tailgaters. I love driving, but I liked to drive fast: I was usually running late, and I did not like anyone getting in my way.

I tried as hard as I could to control myself, to have understanding and compassion for why people drove the way they did. I reminded myself that if I wasn’t running late, it would not matter, but still the rage poured forth.

The other day I was driving along and I realised that I was driving within the speed limit: I was not getting annoyed, even though people were still doing what they have always done… and I was really enjoying myself.

What has happened?

I met Serge Benhayon and began to attend Universal Medicine courses and workshops. Serge teaches a way of living that is simple, loving and natural. I had been living far from this way of life, but have been inspired and lovingly supported to return to this way, which now feels true for me.

Firstly, I have learned to try and take responsibility for everything I do and feel, without blaming anyone else, no matter how they are behaving. When I feel frustrated, it is my frustration, and I try to see and feel where it is coming from. When I blamed other people for my problems, I lived in hell. Now, no matter what is going on, I know I am responsible for my life and for everything in my world, and with that responsibility comes the freedom to do something about the things that trouble me, or at least the way I feel about them.

Secondly, I have come to learn that I can only do what I can do, and to only fit into an hour what I can do in an hour, so I am not always running late now. I have come to learn to love myself for who I am, not what I do, so I no longer put so much pressure on myself to do as much as I can all of the time.

Thirdly, I have come to learn to let people in. Not just literally on the road, but into my world, into my heart, as my equals, as fellow human beings. So, when someone pulls out in front of me, I let them in. I realise they are in my world for a reason, even if I don’t understand what that reason is, and even if they have pulled out into the only passing lane between Bangalow and Lismore and I am now going to be late, I let them in and let them be.

It is truly amazing what a difference this has made in my life, to the pace I live and the pace I drive. I love driving now, and use my time in the car as a time to be with myself, to prepare myself for work, to wind down afterwards… and sometimes just to sing and have fun!

Of course, I am still human and old habits die hard. Sometimes I find myself feeling frustrated again. Now, I see this as an opportunity to look more deeply at myself and why I feel this way. Road rage is now a reflection of my way of living, and a way to show me that something is not true in myself and my world. At times when I am in the car with my children, I hear them saying things I used to say. Soon they will be driving, and road rage may be their opportunity for self-reflection, learning and letting people in, too!

298 thoughts on “Road Rage

  1. As you say Anne, road rage presents an opportunity to look at ourselves and why we are feeling as we do, ‘Road rage is now a reflection of my way of living, and a way to show me that something is not true in myself and my world.’

  2. Taking responsibility for what we feel and knowing that it is our frustration etc. is something so simple, yet it seems quite a big one for us (humanity)to own up to and claim, but from experience when we do do this (take responsibility for what we feel) it is very healing.

  3. A rage explosion shows us that maybe there has been a sum of moments that we haven’t identified but were already affecting us (disappointment, something that we haven’t expressed, expectations that were not fulfilled, etc.). The more honest and present we are, the more aware and less emotions we will have stored.. and lighter we live.

  4. A few times a year I had a family member as a passenger in my car and they have road rage and they are not driving. Its hilarious, they work themselves up into such a lather. But over the years they have changed because they noticed I am not at all bothered by people when I’m driving, it’s such a waste of effort to get upset.
    I would ask them why they were so angry at a situation that presented itself and we would talk through the incident, and so together we would come to an understanding. It transpired that their partner has road rage and they had picked this up this from them, but given the space to talk about it they realised it wasn’t really in their nature to have this behaviour and so they we able to drop it.
    This is a classic example of manifesting someone else’s ideals and beliefs as though they were our own.

    1. I love this Mary that you would talk it through with your family as to why they were feeling that way and the fact that you reflected something different for them ‘I am not at all bothered by people when I’m driving, it’s such a waste of effort to get upset’.

  5. Just today, I caught myself going into reaction. I could feel the hurt underneath that wanted and expected, and actually demanded, the world to deliver the goods, and it had no space for understanding the life lived by everyone else while mine played out. Love is about being inclusive, understanding that I am deeply held in that, while everyone else is also in that.

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