My Vulnerability was the Key

by Joan Calder, Frome, Somerset, UK, my home is my work now

I have just experienced something that shows me how much, and in what way, Serge Benhayon’s presentations and the sessions I have had and courses I have attended with Universal Medicine, are helping me to change deep internal patterns I thought I was stuck in for life.

My first memories are fearful ones; I was terrified of the world and everything in it. I have spent a lot of my life in panic about the possibilities of harmful events occurring – phobias, threats and invasions that could happen to me – and I was always on alert and worried about any weird sensations I felt from inside my body.

I became protective and numbed myself by throwing myself into activities in a very driven way, and eventually trained and then worked in body and therapy modalities to relieve the pressure that this built up, as well as searching for the “ideal” healing for my ills from many, many different alternative therapies. Some of these seemed to work at the time, but ultimately the problems were still there underneath… ready to pop up when any crisis came along.

And come they did! I built layers to try to protect myself, to no avail, and ended up really ill because I could not express how I was truly feeling. Then I met Universal Medicine and started to work with myself from the inside out, rather than from the outside in. I began also to realise how much I had blamed myself for my reactions and the hard shell I had created. The panics grew less, my reactions to everything became less emotional and dramatic, and yet I was still missing the key that could change my approach to life at a very deep level.

Then recently something happened that gave me that key. Walking up a hillside with my partner, Noel, who is country born and bred, we met a small herd of interested young cows. I panicked… they sensed my fear and came closer. I felt powerless. Noel gave me the choice of going on past them or turning round, there was nowhere to run to. After one single definite gesture and word from Noel had stopped them in their tracks, I chose to go on and we passed them without trouble.

I pondered deeply about this incident. We sat in the sun and I talked it through, and remembered a story about the Indian prince who eventually had to face a tiger after years of avoiding the confrontation, only to discover that when he did it purred like a kitten!

I then connected to something big! I was now allowing a connection to my vulnerability! Before this moment I hadn’t been allowing myself to feel my own vulnerability and fragility, or my own humanness. I sat there for a long time and felt what it would be like to honour that feeling. When I got up to go back I had no idea whether anything had changed or not. We walked purposefully towards the cows… I was on the side nearest them, I did not feel like trying to hide behind Noel. I knew I could not hang on to my old ways anymore, I kept talking to myself about how I have felt, that I can be, and am, full of Love, and that I am glorious inside, and at the same time I allowed myself to feel my vulnerability.

I was very near the herd. They all looked up and stared, but not one moved. I walked past them confidently and felt this great expansion in my chest, and a wonderful feeling of being joyful and connected to everything. My body was light and free, and the cows and the world were no longer a threat to me. I did not feel the relief I had felt the first time after I had passed them, there was no need. I had embraced my tiger – or rather cows!

Allowing my vulnerability was the key to my opening my heart to the world – instead of defending myself against it.

I am no longer under the illusion that my emotions are going to disappear, but I have understood in myself my own reaction to them and felt a fundamental change of attitude. It could not have happened without the five years of encouragement to continually observe my choices and where they come from, and learning to feel my body and take more responsibility for myself.

And all this was possible because of the sure, steady loving support of Serge Benhayon, his clarity, and the continual inspiration of how he lives a life of truth, integrity and love – and from the support of the other practitioners, and many students of Universal Medicine.

Thank you all for the opportunity to experience my connection with myself and all that is around me in a new and loving way.

437 thoughts on “My Vulnerability was the Key

  1. A simply stunning sharing Joan that might seem simple on the surface but goes right to the heart of everything in life. When you move in a way that you know is true, there’s a connection and a knowing that means everything’s clear. The more I do this the more I can see that fear just comes in when I have pictures that aren’t me. We are so supported, so cared for and protected – all we are to do is honour that in our bodies. God takes care of everything else.

    1. Pictures can take us so far away from ourselves and we can live in complete fear- all because of pictures that have nothing to do with who we are or what is true for us.

  2. Feeling and staying with your vulnerability was the key here Joan, when we simply observe it, it is not the monster we thought it was. It actually supports us to feel more without the self bashing we can do. It is quite a beautiful process of opening up and acceptance and then we get the true healing.

  3. ‘Allowing my vulnerability was the key to my opening my heart to the world – instead of defending myself against it.’ Beautiful Joan, so true.

  4. Most people are familiar with defending themselves against the world, your sharing about how you actually allowed your vulnerability to lead the way and could open your heart to the world makes sense, it is seeing you as an equal part of the world, no different than everybody or everything else. No hiding anymore!

  5. ‘Allowing my vulnerability was the key to my opening my heart to the world ‘ The world is a different place when this happens.

  6. This is gorgeous to feel Joan, giving ourselves full permission to feel and honour our vulnerability and humanness. When we allow this we aren’t fighting against ourselves.

  7. A beautiful example of connecting to the truth that we all have within. When we connect to this we start to build new movements and pathways back to truth and love.

  8. Observing is a very powerful way of being, offering us a doorway to ever deepening awareness. I find through observation that I see things much more clearly and hence learn what is to be learned from life, simply and with little or no struggle.

  9. “Allowing my vulnerability was the key to my opening my heart to the world – instead of defending myself against it.” It is amazing when we have these Aha moments as you did Joan, and can clearly see how something that has held you back for a very long time has been exposed and revealed and seen for what it is it is and it is never as scary or as difficult as we first think. What you have shared is something we can all learn from Joan.

  10. Building ourselves from the inside-out is a remarkable understanding to have and initiate. The outside-in model doesn’t work so well for the majority of people yet it has a power that makes it seem normal and even addictive.

  11. Vulnerability opens us up to all possibilities. By letting all our defenses down we are then able to just ‘be’. Great sharing Joan.

  12. Working “from the inside out, rather than from the outside in” is how true healing occurs, so long as the ‘inside’ that one connects to is one’s essence and it is that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine supports one to do.

  13. It’s funny how when we are fearless we see there is nothing to fear and so what we would attract through our fear doesn’t happen. I always assumed that every time I feared something and it happened I was just being astute when actually often I was attracting what I feared most in my demeanor and manor – people felt I was an easy target and had a go; there was an opening of self-doubt or guilt or ideal that I felt I needed to uphold and they were just highlighting to me where it was so I could have the chance to heal it.

  14. What I take from this is that when we are confronted by situations in life is that we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving.

  15. We think that something big is outside of us, but in fact, vulnerability (inside us) is our greatest gift. For we are always feeling, knowing and we can be all of that in our living day. Acknowledge this if you like, for your world will be greater as you are greatness from inside.

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