by Alan Johnston, Pottsville, Australia
Scene 1: – Trees all around and the sweet sense of dusk settling in.
Men are talking with each other in an open-hearted, honest way. Sharing the kinds of unbearable rejection they have all felt and the ferocity of the life-responses that followed. The respect and caring is palpable. There is no blame to speak of – although it may be mentioned in passing. I, for one, am deeply grateful. The healing grows week to week. And as a man who has had minimal male friends in half a century, I begin to love these men and comprehend what brotherhood feels like…
Scene 2: – The front bar of a Northern Rivers hotel. Some kind of contact sport is on a flat screen high in a corner.
Men are slur-talking with each other through the thick lens on the bottom of a schooner. This distortion flows through the room. Blame and complaint are commonplace. The wife/partner/missus/little woman – well, they’d had a gutful. ‘Others’ by the very word are distanced, resented, even reviled. The laughter is often at their expense. The ferocity of this life-response oozes deep hurt. Unbearable.
The contrast painted here is so sharp, and most live scene 2, and know while they do how much it hurts and how much they actually want something different, for men are deeply tender and scene 1 confirmed and deepens that quality, and as more men live this way, more will live this way again.
Scene two senses where a lot of people can relate to at least one, and most likely feel uncomfortable from the other. One is asking us to go deeper in our connections, in our intimacy and the other is asking us to stay in our complete and disconnected way of being and not being accountable for our actions.
What a powerful article which says it all really. Scene one is the future in the making and scene two is the reality of a lot of men at present.
Having those who are willing to embrace scene 1 offers those in scene 2 a reminder and inspiration that there is another way/ possibility that can be lived…
What a difference in scenes. And than to imagine that the world hold scene 2 as the normal, even champions nights like this.
You are so correct in saying Alan that human life in today’s world can indeed be described as ferocious.
Scene 2 can only continue for so long before the tension of living with such unnatural abuse prompts one to adopt the more natural way as described in scene 1.
Wow Alan so very touching feeling the depth of joy and the depth of pain conveyed in the two scenarios. And all because at the core of it a different energy and different way of relating and responding to life has been chosen.
‘Unbearable’ is unacceptable – unacceptable in the sense of settling for it. Scene 1 shows the way.
There is definitely an openness in the first group of men, and in their vulnerability an opportunity to truly connect to one another. It’s a short but beautiful expose of the impacts of our choices.
It’s interesting that rejection does not need to be of you as person, as in there can still be a level of relationship like in scene 2, I wonder if the most painful rejection is not an outright rejection but of the true qualities that make you who you are, so rejecting men’s tenderness or their amazing capacity to love each other, and even worse our own rejection of these so incredibly innate qualities, in favour of behaviours and choices and are so far away from who we know ourselves to be.
Meg that is a great point that we reject the wholeness of people even though on the surface it may appear we are not rejecting them, as the relationship may come with conditions.
I have deep respect and appreciation for men coming back to themselves and talking about issues like rejection, as was mentioned in scene one. It is truly beautiful to know men in this way as it is their true nature I am sure.
Yes I agree Lieke. Men may speak about such things one to one or wth women but in a group of other men it is highly unlikely. I have felt the change in men that I know who have chosen to open up in this way and it is awesome how clearer they have become, more tender but with an inner strength, very awesome.
What a beautifully clear comparison of life choices. To be our hurts and deflect, moan and blame or to be willing to face and heal them. I have been in both camps.
Gosh, there is such a difference here, but I reckon that any man, should he have the chance or the opportunity would choose to be in that group of brotherhood inspired men.
2 very different scenes – one of which we can blame others and keep people away, the other where we can choose to be ourselves and let down our guards. Everything is a choice, so do we buy into the picture of friends watching football, or equal brothers who share the fullness of who they are.
It’s a great example of how much choice we have in life, we can get stuck in a rut but ultimately we know there are other choices, yet we’ll keep choosing that rut until we see more value or worth in making a change.
I’d love scene 1 any day of the week, even though scene 2 is still a very real reality for many, but scene 1 is still there as a possible choice.
The insecurity in mens’ laughter is so easy to spot when laughing at another. The tone communicates just how much a human being hates themselves in order to have to pick at another.
It is the created ill ways that have shown us in multiple ways that there is a part of our existence here on earth — that enjoys creating no matter what the consequence is for our body. We seem to dismiss our body often with whatever choice we make, only looking good from the outside, not considering or even asking or wanting to look further than the image we see. We need to become more honest, see and help each other evolve from these ill created behaviors.
Beautiful Danna, true evolutionary support is to make the steps ourselves first. Only from there can we offer a reflection and a pull up to another human being.
I recognize myself in both scenes as being a participant. The good news I am now in scene 1, and have left scene 2. Not drinking alcohol did help as being more connected to my heart and fully taking responsibility of the choices I have made.
The worst behaviours are borne of the hurts that we have refused to face, feel and let go.
When unbearable is a Word pronounced from an open heart is has a value that would never acquire if it comes from a body uncapable of finding settlement.
Said in a nutshell Alan. As we step out from our comfort, hurts and fears and open up to trust and connection our lives change immeasurably.
Dealing with our hurts and letting go of our pictures, ideals and beliefs allows for scene one to become more accessible to us.
When we hold on to our hurts and only want to blame another, scene 2 is the only possibility.
Immersed in the ferocity of life-response, I didn’t even recognise the pain I had been numbing for a very long time. The togetherness and the equalness felt from the scene 1 calls me home.
The unbearable ferocity of rejection, who does not know or experience this?
I can understand through the teachings of Universal Medicine how we have chosen to leave the brotherhood, the union that we come from as energetic beings first. Hence there can be a reflection of enormous rejection if we so face a situation where a denial or love and togetherness is brought in place.. Revealing to us the oh so obvious of the love we have left behind, but are continuously offered to share and live again.
Scene 1 is what we all seek, even when playing out scene 2. In scene 2 we’re still looking for brotherhood and it only adds to our hurts more that we don’t find it.
Agreed Nikki, the scene 2 guys have twisted what it means to be in brotherhood by thinking that drinking together and sharing their own misery and criticisms of others will bring them closer (because that connection is what they are so deeply missing) when in the end it only separates them further from themselves and thus everyone else through their lack of understanding and compassion.
When we open our hearts to one another, and share of the hurts we have accumulated along the way, the protection dissolves freeing us to discover that we are of the same tenderness in essence, and can then begin to explore living the power of this innate quality. Otherwise we continue to be incarcerated by the walls of protection we have erected, that keep us from knowing who we are.
It’s heartbreaking that so many choose scenario 2 or versions of it when scenario 1 is not only possible, but just a choice away.
The contrast is so stark and yet both are equally possible and anyone, no matter where they’ve been can choose that first one, where we open up, deal with our hurts and share and be us in life with ourselves and others.
Well said Monica. It certainly highlights how our reality(our choices) is determined by of our willingness to embrace the truth.
We don’t need to wait for another to go first. We can lead from our heart at any time.
The difference between dealing with life and everything we feel, experience and know and not dealing with everything. I think the biggest difference is purpose, in scene 1 we are happening to life, there is a purpose and a willingness to deeply understand life and grow and learn from it, whereas in scene 2 life is seemingly just happening to us, and without the willingness to understand comes the blame and judgement.
It is great to know that this scene (2) is changing even just in a few small ways!
There is so much more to life when we open our hearts and drop our armour and share what is really touching us and going on in our lives.
Just reading this I could feel the space that is lived in scene 1 disappear as I read scene 2. Scene 2 offers no room for love to be, it’s full of all that is not, perhaps conveniently so.
Alan you have captured very well how life is for us when we do not choose to deal with our hurts.
Yes and it really is a choice. When we choose to deal with our hurts suddenly scene 1 becomes a reality.
Haha and while it’s funny to read it’s not so funny to watch. Scene 2 was life for me and while it didn’t fit exactly into what is presented it was pretty close and I remember walking away almost scratching my head and having a constant feeling of ‘there has to be more to life then this’. Days turned into weeks and those into years and you would turn up almost like it was the same scene on a different day. Much has changed since then and it simply comes down to how I am with myself, the quality I live day to day or moment to moment which has changed the view from 2 to 1.
Sadly, for most men and women the second scene is the normal way. But – scene 1, even though it may not be as common, is far more powerful, and the ripple effect of that connection and commitment amongst men is palpable. It transcends distances and boundaries we cannot even comprehend. It is only a matter of time before scene 1 becomes normal.
Indeed Katerina, it will be only a matter of time till we all come to this understanding, that the time is up for distracting ourselves from this deep inner connection that only wants to connect intimately with everybody we meet and nothing more.
Thank you for sharing Alan , I recognise both scenes , the first scenes has come into my life in resent times.
” And as a man who has had minimal male friends in half a century, I begin to love these men ”
This has happened for me too , I can say truthfully there are men that I love as dear friends as a result of the first scene.
Alan, what two very different scenarios, scene two being all too commonplace and scene one being rare, but wow how life-changing scene two is – with men opening and up and being honest this feels like their natural way. This what I observe about young boys too; they talk about what has upset and hurt them and there is a closeness, respect and love for each other.
Scene 1 is the real change the world needs right now. If scene 1 was more common place the intensity and woe most struggle with in life would not nearly be so prevalent.
Well shared Joshua – scene 1 is a rarity and yet without it, we seem to brand men as tough people who don’t know tenderness of feelings. But men do, naturally so. And scene 1 presents a foundation for allowing more of this.