Me, Relationships & Universal Medicine

by Dianne T, Ocean Shores, NSW

From early childhood I was obsessed with love – I wanted to really know what it was, and so with my usual intensity I read, watched, listened, experimented, and applied myself to my very best ability in my own relationships.

Everywhere I looked, I could see a problem: what people called “love” did not hold up to what I felt love must be like. The only place I could feel a hint of it was in the harmony I felt in nature. Among humans, not even that was present. These were some of the things I saw:

“He loves her” – but he beats her every night when he comes home drunk, and sucks up later with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates.

“She loves him” – but she sneaked pregnancy on him and made him marry her, then gossips to her friends about how horrible he is.

“Everyone thought they were the ideal couple for 25 years and we were so shocked when they broke up and they can’t stand each other”, etc etc. Now I’m in my late 50s and have had my share of relationships. My ex-partners and I lived and related in what we thought was a loving way, and yet we could not comprehend the extent of conflict, pain, misunderstanding and not-feeling-right that came with it. It was often subtle, so that if one were to compare us with other couples who were in blatantly abusive, destructive relationships, they’d say we were in a happy one, and be envious. However, in observing my own and others, in all my amazing life so far, I’ve seen very few marriages that were truly loving; rather, they’re based on emotional need, convenience, voluntary mutual denial of problems – or at best a kind of practical, co-operative friendship or ‘co-miseration’. From the woman’s perspective, I see my sisters all over the world marry in a whirlwind of bliss and romance, then gradually become contracted and unhappy, over-driven, numbed-out – most complaining of ‘feeling sucked dry and unsupported’ by their husbands, families and work.

This year I have the joy of learning a whole new way of relating lovingly with myself, and, if I am ever in a relationship again, it will be very different. I also have the joy of knowing and speaking with a few couples who are learning this new way of relating lovingly with themselves and their partners, and can’t wait for the day when it’s the rule, not the exception. There are people who also see this and become immensely jealous. They are afraid, perhaps because they see the truth and realise it exposes their own deficiencies in loving themselves and others. They don’t feel they can have it too (even though of course they can), so they attack it.

Though many women are re-learning to self nurture and the awesome enriching that brings to themselves and their family, friends. A few started to realise that they are not living the loving life they want, when their husbands chose not to listen or won’t change, they are left with the choice to either go on suffering, or leave. Recently, a few men who have lost their wives in that way have begun a smear campaign against the people who showed those women, by example, how to love themselves. The detractors thus attempt to discredit the women by discounting their innate ability to choose, to grow, and to develop all throughout their lives. My feeling is that these men are perhaps afraid to look within themselves, because that may mean they have to take responsibility for what made their wives leave them.

What is scary is that a few women have joined the male critics. Again, I feel that they are afraid to look at their treatment of themselves (no criticism sisters, I’ve been there too) and their lifelong acceptance of what they know to be less than love; from outright abuse to even the most subtle but nonetheless powerful pressures to compromise themselves to suit another.

If only these frightened people (men and women) could see that if we all become fully loving and fully who we are, there will be so much love to go around that no-one would need to feel bad. That healing would be available to all of us, and end the suffering and the living of the lie. So please let us get on with developing our self-love!

I personally have chosen to go to sleep earlier and get up earlier, changed my diet, stopped consuming drugs for recreational purposes, increased my lifelong commitment to making changes that support my body to heal itself, stopped watching the kinds of films and listening to the kinds of music that over-drive my nervous system and emotions and disturb my sleep, stopped rushing and stressing myself and taken a more detached, ‘bigger picture’ view of life and its difficulties. I explore the way I eat, exercise, walk, work, relate to the opposite sex, treat other people and generally treat my own body – and then make changes to be much more loving, gentle and present. My body loves it ….. all of it! I would recommend these natural, healthy changes to anyone; they can only benefit individuals and couples, even though some people may unaccountably consider them weird!

Good on Serge and his team at Universal Medicine for sticking to their path in spite of being attacked. They walk what they talk, and we all have much of value that can be learned from them.

102 thoughts on “Me, Relationships & Universal Medicine

  1. The love for our self is all we need to live a life that supports us in full. This reflection can be a bit too much for some, which show in the men and women who choose to attack instead of look at their own part, and choose the love for themselves.

    1. Thank you Dianne and Shelley, free will, allows us the choice to be loving, which Dianne, myself and thousands of people world wide have also found true love, all thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon.

    2. So true because from the beginnings of one man people from across the entire world have been inspired to love themselves as well. Showing how simple and successful self-love truly is not just for self but everyone.

  2. When we make choices that are loving and true for us some are inspired by this and others can react strongly and dig their heels in further avoiding all responsibility and blaming others – missing out on an opportunity to grow and evolve.

    1. This is so true Anna. I used to think it was my responsibility to fix situations when people reacted to me and that it was my fault, which was not true. But now I realise people can react to me when I am expressing love and truth. Sometimes truth can be difficult to accept when we are not ready to take responsibility for life. I realise I am only responsible for my choices and what I express and not other people’s.

  3. I believe Serge Benhayon and his colleagues deserve more then a ‘good on them’, with respect to the writer. The amount of abusive behaviour that has gone on, directed at Universal Medicine, would send anyone mad. It is vile and no constructive language that is used for nothing but to destroy another person. The abusive individual does this to mask their own inner turmoils.

  4. Thank you Dianne, to me love, which has nothing to do with the emotional kind of love, but true love as presented by Serge Benhayon had also been a long term quest on my part. I have asked hundreds of people about love and no one before Serge Benhayon’s presentations on love made any sense. Thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon I now understand why very few if any have a true grasp of the depth of what true love and God are all about. To me love is shared equally by God because God is love, how could he be anything else and as the Sons of God our love can be shared equally when we reconnect to our soul. Our soul is the divine aspect or love that is waiting to reconnect with us so we can return to being the Son of God.
    For more about Serge Benhayon go to;
    http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=SERGE+BENHAYON

  5. This is great to read, and feel the truth in your words. All that is going on in relationships is often far from true love, I can see that the basis of self love creates a higher norm of love, which will impact all relationships we have.

  6. A relationship is about deepening your commitment to each other and sharing the love that you are. If there is no true love in a relationship and one person is not willing to work at building a true foundation of love then it is abusive for the other person to stay. We all have the free will to choose love or to choose something that is not love. To be jealous and abusive of those who choose true love just adds to the abuse.

  7. Well done for making these amazing changes Dianne. I can totally relate to your blog. I too from a very young age I was fascinated about love. I was looking for it in all the wrong places and thought it was always about searching for it outside of myself. Now, I know love is and has always been within, patiently waiting to be lived and expressed.

  8. As a whole global society we need to redefine what it means to have a loving relationship, we’ve gotten so far away from what is true, beautiful and and real, what we consider normal now is actually awful, so completely unloving and incredibly disrespectful… We for sure need a new normal.

    1. I agree Meg. We have come to accept that it is ok to come home from work and dump our day on our partner, to put them down in some way….the list is endless. But this is abuse and needs to be exposed for what it is. It’s not ok and it certainly isn’t love. I have often thought to myself that I wouldn’t talk to my friends in the same way I have spoken to family members or partners, and I can’t be the only one, so this just shows that we do know it’s abusive but are choosing to ignore that.

      1. Very true, it doesn’t make sense that we don’t absolutely treasure and cherish our nearest relationships – these are the relationships where we need to be exploring the depths of where love can go, not introducing abuse and disregard for another.

  9. It’s really a beautiful thing to know that there are people who are committed to depeening the development of all of their relationships even though it’s not always that easy. But we do have to traverse through our hurts to get to the place where they no longer affect us and we can then be ourselves in relationships, being ordinarily human and all. Some are more ready than others to so this.

  10. Relationships can be complicated and yet also incredibly simple when they are founded on the depth, beauty and level of care that we hold for ourselves first. This is our responsibility and our power… to have and embrace the relationships we want and deserve.

  11. “….what people called “love” did not hold up to what I felt love must be like. The only place I could feel a hint of it was in the harmony I felt in nature. Among humans, not even that was present” This was the same for me too, but I now see love in the Benhayon family – who walk their talk. Their love is universal – for all equally so. An inspiring reflection for everyone they meet every day. Learning to love ourselves first – only then can we truly love another.

  12. It makes so much sense that if we do not have a loving relationship with ourselves that a truly loving relationship with anyone else is impossible. To take the time to build this relationship with self is the most priceless and most wonderful investment one could ever make, and from this foundation of self knowing and self love the ripples will naturally and effortlessly begin to flow on out to others.

  13. How I am with myself absolutely reflects on how I am with others. On the occasion when my self care slips so does my feeling about myself and there is less ‘fullness’ of presence with others. I can be more reactive than able to simply observe and lovingly say what is to be said or remain silent, depending on what is required.

  14. It’s a startling fact to realise there is little or no love in the relationship norm we have accepted.

  15. I love the simplicity in your list of changes that you have made Dianne – no rocket science required, in fact, so ridiculously simple that its hard to understand why we all didn’t get it from the get go!

  16. Ultimately I feel we all want a loving relationship, sometimes when we see another live this it can be challenging, very challenging to feel and sometimes when it is presented to us we find it hard to truly accept and embrace it.

    1. It’s true MW and so important to be honest about it for it’s only in this honesty we can realise what we are rejecting, which when truly seen and felt, makes no sense to reject.

  17. What Serge Benhayon presents around self-care and self-love truly works, if you feel inspired to make some changes for yourself – great, but if you feel challenged in anyway that’s your choice and you walk away. Unfortunately there are some that can’t just walk away, instead they choose to attack Serge Benhayon and the Benhayon family and blame them for their issues and their deep hurts that have blinded them from seeing the truth.

  18. It has become so normal to settle for less in a relationship and especially as women, we have become so accustomed to being degraded as it happens almost all the time, whether you read magazines, see advertising on the street or watch Disney films – we are put down everywhere, not to speak of the extreme violence that is done to women in many places of this planet.

  19. Love only started to make sense to me when I could feel it for myself. I’m inconsistent with surrendering to feeling it, so I can get caught up in my old understanding of love, but this never lasts because once true love is felt in the body, there is no going back.

  20. The teachings of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon on self-love are so simple and yet completely life changing, which does create reactions when we feel such simplicity has been with us this whole time and all our efforts without self-love as our first agenda have resulted in no true success. But reacting to this creates more harm where accepting this helps maintain and appreciate those self-loving choices.

    1. It is through self-loving choices that we can heal our hurts, our addictions and our relationship issues. It is super simple, when we commit to loving ourselves we naturally feel and appreciate the love all around us.

  21. True love exposes the falseness we have settled for – it’s uncomfortable to realise and admit, but we have all felt it, that there was a kind of off-ness in what we have called love and we were never quite completely content if we were very honest. Granted we all have free will to choose and defending and holding onto the falseness is of course an option available, but that definitely doesn’t feel like a wise choice to me.

  22. The disparity between the picture of the loving relationship that people try to portray and sell you can be very different to the actual reality of what you feel is true.

  23. Understanding about true love revealed how so many of my previous choices were in fact not true love but emotional and conditional love. I also spent years searching for love but now realising it was a diversion, because all along love was already residing within me, in all of us.

    1. Beautifully said Victoria – with out the need, give and receive mind set and vast array of expectations we put on relationships, we are then free to bring our full selves and share the love we have within with others. There is much joy in the expression of this responsibility.

  24. The great American writer, Henry David Thoreau wrote of those who lived “lives of quiet desperation”… I remember reading this as a teenager and, as you yourself observed Dianne, seeing that this was what everyone around me lived in, with no exceptions.
    Relationships were a place of compromise, of accepting abuse – some loving moments yes, and even some fun, but the dross and heaviness of the status quo that was accepted as ‘ok’ and normal even, was depressing.
    Today also, I know that another way can indeed be lived, and I know this in relationship with my husband and many others in my life. There is no ‘quiet desperation’, born of the want for love but belief that it will always be sought outside of us and never truly found within. Rather, there is a foundation of love lived that only builds and expands, as it rightly should – and Joy, yes my God Joy… is a mainstay.
    Were it not for the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I do not feel it would have been possible to be so inspired to make the changes in my life that this could be as it is.

  25. Relationships can be a breeding ground for an abuse or a clear reflection of what we need to work on next. I know, I have been in both and sometimes I have even had both in one relationship, ebbing and flowing over the years. Love is not roses and fluffy clouds, it is something that we naturally are. It’s not something that someone can give us or take away from us, it’s an expression and movement that emanates and communicates. It can be silent, it can be firm, it can feel so still that it makes your body squirm but only if you are resisting it; if you embrace it and live it and know that it is equal in you, the possibilities are endless.

  26. I could say that the relationships I have had through out my love have not been loving at all, though at the time I thought that caring for others and putting myself last was a loving way to be This only left me continually looking, but always coming up empty. I had it back to front it, was taking responsibility for loving me first that was the turnaround in my relationships

  27. Women endure abusive relationships because they do not value the preciousness they are first and foremost. With out a standard of tenderness in how they treat and hold themselves they accept far less from those around them and who they choose to be in relationship with.

    1. Beautifully said Rachel, these words could be studied by girls and women everywhere and change the world.

  28. Loved reading your blog Dianne, you express so well how marriages and relationships are often silent arrangements which are not based on love. When we make relationships about love, we no longer accept what we once did.

  29. When we hear the word relationship, automatically we tend to think of others. We are indeed in relationship with others all the time. Yet, we tend not to consider that the more lasting and more important relationship we ever have and will have is with ourselves. We discount it. Yet, the moment we take it into account and work on it, miracles occur.

  30. Great blog Diane, unfortunately so many have settled for a lesser form of love that is miles away from true love, when one awakens to this truth in a relationship the other can be inspired to move in that direction, or the other can become very resistant blaming everyone and everything for this, instead of taking responsibility for their part of the demise of the relationship.

    1. The truth is love is available equally inside us all, but we have the free will to share this or keep it locked away. Another cannot be our source of love although we can enjoy the love a person is and brings into our lives. When that goes it can highlight the absence of love in ourselves and the beliefs we hold about relationships – and it can also be an opportunity to heal ourselves and become more responsible and loving with ourselves and the others. Or, in the case of the detractors, blame others and create outrageous stories to justify the blame and irresponsibility.

  31. Thank you Dianne, it’s interesting that the detractors become more abusive when asked to be more loving or offered this some thing via reflection of how their partner was choosing to live. It sounds like one partner went deeper into love and one went deeper into abuse. Common sense tells us this won’t work, so looking for a scapegoat for ones own abusive behaviour won’t work – it’s just putting more abuse out into the world without taking the responsibility to be decent, respectful and loving. Even a bird in the wild will attempt to escape an aggressive suitor. Women and men everywhere have a right to leave abusive relationships, and to do so without the conjuring up of stories of “cults” being responsible. No matter how you dress up irresponsibility of being abusive to others, it’s still irresponsibility.

  32. “Good on Serge and his team at Universal Medicine for sticking to their path in spite of being attacked. They walk what they talk” and that walk and talk is love.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s