By Fiona McGovern, Isle of Arran, Scotland
LOOKING FOR UNION
I am often asked if I do yoga and my answer has been, “yes I do, but no, not in the way I used to practise and teach it”.
Yoga claims to be uncompetitive, and a way to find union.
I practised yoga for over 30 years and taught it for 20 years: I worked with some of the leading teachers from around the world and read widely on the subject.
Yes, yoga does mean union, but I never found an explanation of what that union was… just something wishy-washy, like connecting to your ‘higher self’ – and that was left to your own interpretation. It always felt like an unattainable state. It was like a carrot in front of me that kept me hooked; forever enticing me to get to an elusive destination outside of me and far away – always requiring more study, another posture and more courses – which I dutifully did.
I felt like I was trying to find union and connection in the many postures, sanskrit words, complex philosophical discussions and relaxation and meditation techniques – but I couldn’t find it in any of these things. I felt I was actually going further away from the truth and far from the union spoken of.
I kept going because there was a sense of self worth and identity attached to practising and teaching yoga in this way. It was something I could hide in; I had a false confidence and security. When I taught, I always felt I was someone else – the words I used were not mine.
LOOKING FOR TRUTH
I felt I was not living any kind of union with myself or God… in fact, I found saying his name impossible. My body was tight and ached for a rest.
However, in 2006 I went to a talk by Serge Benhayon and I felt for the first time a deep knowing that there was indeed another way which felt more true. A way that I felt I already knew, and one which would support me to be me, and get me out of the mess I knew I was in physically, mentally and emotionally.
A few years later, I had my first one to one esoteric yoga session. I could feel how deeply the presenter was connected to their body, and how steady they felt. There was a depth and simplicity that resounded somewhere deep within me – a beauty of simply being there with no need to try and nothing to reach or gain.
I tasted a union with my own body and felt a quality of stillness within me. This feeling came from being with my body, and so I realised I could feel this any time that I choose to be with me. It is available in every moment. This kind of union is something very practical, and something I could live every day.
Previously, if I wanted to override any uncomfortable feeling, I could always do a pose or a breathing technique to make it go away. I realise now that I was storing my feelings up, burying them deeper in my body, and choosing to ignore what my body was showing me. I was in fact dis-connecting from my body.
But now, in Esoteric Yoga, I can feel grace and the healing of truly listening to my body.
TRUE UNION… AT LAST
In these sessions, and now on my own, I can feel the union of me – being present with my body and allowing it to be – without trying to get anywhere. When I am present and accepting in this way, I can feel what union truly is; it is a relationship with me. And in this, I can feel my connection to God.
I find it is immensely practical as I can have mini sessions wherever I am – maybe in a waiting room or while travelling. My body feels free again, my breath tender and my expression can be felt and heard in the world.
In these sessions I have met me and I have felt the wonder of what lays within the inner heart. It feels like I have re-opened a window long closed and allowed streams of light to pour out from it. Union through yoga – Simply Divine!