by Nicole Serafin, Tintenbar, NSW, Australia
I recently attended a presentation by Universal Medicine that dealt with relationships and letting people in.
At this presentation, the level of love that was being presented was so deep you could not help but melt into what was here being offered – love and only love.
I was able to feel what it is to be able to let another in: to truly let people in, without any reservations, no matter who they are. To let go of any fear of being hurt, or that another may use my fragility and vulnerability against me at some point.
Why is it we choose to live a life without letting people in? Even those close to us – children, partners, friends – only get to see part of who we truly are. Granted, they may see more than some, but it is still gauged upon how safe we feel with them, how much we trust them.
Have you ever let someone in only to feel hurt by them later on? And then from that hurt choose to keep others even further away just in case it was to happen again?
It’s absurd really, when you think about it! We are not being who we truly are just in case we get hurt… when it is we who are harming ourselves by not letting people in and being all of us in the first place. I think it hurts much more to not be who we are, and to live the guarded, protected versions.
What we are missing out on, AND what our friends and families are missing out on, is enormous.
Since realising that I was still holding back the true essence of me, and still hiding behind a wall of ‘what ifs’, I came to realise that if I truly loved and allowed, then nothing another did or said could ever harm me. Yes, I may feel hurt, but that does not mean that others are worthy of any less than my being all of me, nor am I worth less than being all of me.
In order for me to build a true relationship with myself and others, I had to knock down that wall, drop the protection and let people in; and let all of me out – without holding back my love.
The power of one is awesome, we know. However, the power of many is magnified. If we can fully open up to another and let them in, we can do this with everyone. What a different world that would be!
The workshop was for me, like getting married all over again – I felt myself opening up and letting people in like never before, a new, true sense of intimacy – being all of me. I realised that I can do this with anyone; with myself, another, and with all of humanity.
We deserve to be all that we are, and to share this with all others. If we live behind a wall of ‘what ifs’, our life will never feel complete. We will always be looking for something outside of ourselves to fulfil an emptiness that honestly only we can fill… as it is us that we are missing in the first place. No one and no thing can fill that… well, not for long anyhow.
I now know that by connecting to and living all of who I am, in all that I do, I am letting all of me out, and letting people in. There is no longer the emptiness that I carried around for so long.
My relationships are now based on my needing nothing. I am now able to have true relationships with all those I come into contact with. At times there may be some hurt, but I am able to very quickly return to love, and the hurt is insignificant compared to the joy and glory that is present when I choose to live all of me.
Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for the constant love, inspiration and foundation that you are. The unwavering support and life that is lived by you creates a foundation which allows me to feel that life is not about doing, but simply about being.
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
In true relationship with another we get to discover so much more of the beauty and universality that is available to us all.
“My relationships are now based on my needing nothing” – this makes me realise how I have a need for others to be love as well, and that is a hard one to be fulfilled constantly. But the chances are when we start with love, it offers others to make that choice too, rather than meeting them from the place of ‘I know you are never going to deliver it anyway.’ And casting that condition is already a giveaway that we are not being ourselves.
It is great to see where and how we feel hurt in life. So we can notice it and not react on auto pilot, but see what happens and how it never really says we are wrong, but it is us that takes that on.
If you only accept to see a part of you, why do we get surprised that we allow just a part from another one?
All those ‘What if’s’ come from thoughts, being open comes from a feeling of my whole body wanting to explode with joy. The thoughts make me feel small and withdrawing from people and hurts my body. Being open I feel taller, lighter, brighter and vital. The more I claim and feel the difference, the easier it becomes to tear down that ‘what if’ wall.
Life is indeed not about doing but about being and letting others in is very much a part of that being.
When we connect to our essence we get to feel all the hurts we have used to keep people out. The more we connect to our essence the more we start to choose to move in relationships from this space and not from our hurts. It lets love in as we let it out.
A very beautiful sharing, one that I can feel is cutting and shedding my own layers of what if’s. Really it is silly, no amount of not letting ourselves be ‘fully ourselves and open to others’ will stop us from being hurt. We still feel hurt, so even this long held argument holds no traction, our love on the other holds us, supports us and nurtures us through them.
I love coming back to this blog as it confirms to me how we can choose to be intimate and transparent with everyone in the world and to feel the joy that this choice will bring to our lives.
I like how you share that when we let people in we also naturally let who we are out, it seems to me like a two-way street and it reminds me of a massive old rickety door that we’ve kept closed for so long, and when you finally open it the light is let back into and out of the house – it’s definitely great to practice keeping this door open.
In recent years I have started to drop this guard more and more and as I have, I have started to feel much more freedom in my body and this is awesome to feel. Its like I used to hold myself to a certain picture and would only move within this whereas I am now busting out of this and allowing myself to express much more freely.
We can talk about love and use the word and many people do in many situations. It has come to mean many different things, but this does not change the fact that we all can energetically feel the quality of vibration that is true love and this cannot be denied or faked or fabricated.
The irony is that when we hold back our love or ourselves from others we are actually contributing to the same energy that we say hurt us in the first place!
Having relationships with people based on nothing. Um, hello!! how freeing is that? No expectations, just being open to the other person. Unheard of! Well, obviously there are people out there, putting this true love to the test, and from my personal observations, I’ve noticed it works, and the biggest thing that sticks out, is that there is next to no DRAMA.
Great point Elodie. There is a cycle here to indeed be broken, whereas when we do not let others in and ourselves out we feel an emptiness and an exhaustion because we are using so much energy to hold back our natural expression and openness. So then we go to creating dramas and issues in our life to avoid and distract ourselves from dealing with these things and it gives us a boost, even though it is not sustaining in any true way.
This has been a huge issue over the years of keeping people away from me because of past hurts – its just in case I’ll only give a portion of myself to others. The protection was like Fort Knox.
Like yourself since being a student of Universal Medicine workshops and without perfection that this wall has been crumbling. I see people for who they are and I’m letting people see me for who I truely am too.
I’m realising that when I am transparent its kind of giving others around me permission to be transparent too but develop the trust to be their true selves around others. We can be a great beacon for others when we are living in our true essence.
“My relationships are now based on my needing nothing.” Feeling complete in oneself is a great freedom.
Our first hurt is that when we chose to disconnect from our essence, leaving it behind only to engage in the indulgences of the spirit and resisting that which is natural within ourselves only if we so willingly chose to reconnect.
“We deserve to be all that we are, and to share this with all others.” In being all the love that we are we inspire others to also know and be who they are.
Because we are love, it takes more energy to resist love than it takes to express it. Perhaps this explains the levels of extreme debilitating exhaustion that so plague us today.
Awesome Nicole, letting people in is letting love in. We are all love. It’s a deep concept to understand when on the surface we see so much pain, discomfort, tension, sadness – the whole array of emotions – it’s only our perception. Within (this) is that untouched pure love. How do we let it out when it has not been our norm? Either of the 2 ways can be our approach — let the love we know out OR let all of another in. Love can only come from our natural saturation in brotherhood because we all know it within.
If we, in any way hold back from ourselves, we can never fully let people in. Whenever I sense myself not letting a person in or when judgement creeps in, I know there’s work to be done on myself.
I can relate to this blog Nicole as I lived for many years not letting people in as I didn’t want to get hurt, it seems crazy really as you end up hurting yourself more than anyone else would and then miss out on all the love that is on offer. Letting all this protection go and letting others in has been an absolute game changer for me as well, allowing me to experience a deeper relationship with myself and with everyone I meet.
‘My relationships are now based on my needing nothing’ When we no longer need or want anything from a relationship we have a true relationship.
Weird as it is, why and how we were not educated in the beauty of letting people in as something normal?
When we live in protection, holding back on who we are, our relationships are based on falsities, on qualities that do not represent who we really are. We are essentially communication the message that we don’t trust each other, and blaming another for a hurt that has not yet happened. Yet as you have shared feeling hurt is our responsibility, we choose it only though our separation of to the love we are, to being ourselves. For in-truth we are not our hurts but in fact much greater, and when we live in connection to the greatness we are, to our unending love within, we then can live the realness of who new are and bring this realness to the relationship we share. Thank you Nicole, for sharing this profound message, highlighting how being who we are and letting people in not only liberates us from the protection we hide in but serves to unite us all so we can learn, grow and evolve through love together.
I have hidden myself away for most of my life, only putting out a projected idea of how I thought I should be, this I thought would keep me safe from being hurt, but all it did was keep me separated from people and my own self, it has been quite a journey, firstly discovering that there is a me and that I am okay, and that the love I was seeking was right there just inside of me waiting for me to connect to. Learning to feel my love and letting it out has opened me up to letting people in, not all the time but it is a work in progress.
It hurts us to avoid hurt because we live a lesser version of ourselves but it hurts when you get hurt too, I suppose our safest plan is to just hurt all the time to avoid getting hurt sometimes..?? Or maybe that isn’t the best plan of action, hurt constantly to avoid hurting sometimes…we are funny aren’t we? We all do it but when you think about it, it makes no sense.
Beautiful to read this Nicole, very inspirational and exactly what the world needs to hear! Life lived in protection is a total waste. But we are so invested in our identity through our hurts that we are not so willing to live in our hearts. Such a crazy set up! So it is so important for us to share when we do experience life from connection rather than protection.
I used to think I had to ‘do’ something in order to let people in as being guarded was my usual stance in the world, then I realised that it was about me simply being me that I was having a problem with.
I agree – needing something/someone to be a certain way at a certain time, is what sets us up for hurt, and I catch myself in that every now and then, and that is a cue for me to look at in what way I have not been loving to myself first therefore needing something outside me to fill the emptiness.
I can relate to this, of being wary and guarded with people once you have been hurt, and how this perpetuates the hurt and continues the issues between people. When we let people in we are able to understand them more and then there are less issues between people.
Yes Kristy so can I – well said. The irony is that we think we are playing it safe, yet in fact we are not. ‘Safe’ means to be free from harm or hurt, however in protection we are magnifying harm and hurt on every level. Our greatest surety is found through our connection to our love, being open to love and in living our love with others, without measure or confines. A process that is still unfolding for me, but the more I surrender to it the more I experience the freedom, joy and realness that comes from letting people in.
‘We are not being who we truly are just in case we get hurt…’ I cannot but wonder just how much the world around us is missing out on with us holding back like this?
‘If we live behind a wall of ‘what ifs’, our life will never feel complete.’ This makes sense, we will often try to protect, hide and make sure we are ‘safe’. And it is the opposite that will bring us contentment within ourselves and also a simplicity in all our expressions, a lovely solidness from within.
Really love this blog, and reading it again brings a new sense to what true love and relationship is, it is in just coming to this realisation within ourselves that we truly find ourselves and let ourselves shine.
You are quite right that living protected and controlled, only revealing a certain amount of ourselves, means that we and everyone else is missing out on so much. It’s crazy that we are holding back the best bits of ourselves, just in case they are rejected or attract jealousy. Although I am not free of this myself, I am becoming more aware of just how much I am doing this and the harmful effect this has on my physiology and enjoyment in life.
Nicole I loved reading your blog, it really reminded me how we can be our worst enemy and yet when we allow ourselves to be all of who we are we can be our greatest advocates.
It is the wall that we have created in fear of hurts that is holding us from the amazing power that is in the union of people. When we truly come together it is unbelievable what we can achieve.
When we truly and fully let people in, I don’t think we can be hurt. The hurt comes from us not being ourselves in the first place and then that being rejected. Letting someone in is letting ourselves out, like you’ve expressed Nicole – and with that comes observation and understanding of who we and everyone is in essence = equality.
.. And that not being ourselves stuff is usually what others are reacting to in the first place: one facade or layer of protection meeting another. When we truly let go and just allow ourselves to be, to say whatever is there to be said and allow the truth out, it is the most freeing feeling in the world. No holding back and nothing to hide behind. Just the simplicity, flow and ease of allowing ourselves to be.
It is quite ironic really. The stuff that people often react to or don’t like about another person is actually the fake, safe, outer version of ourselves we present to others. I wonder if we subconsciously justify this behaviour to ourselves, thinking that its better to have our fake persona rejected than feel the deep hurt of having our precious true self rejected.
Yes I can see that Bryony, the real hurt is that we have changed or compromised ourselves based on our perceptions of the world, rather than staying true to ourselves. And we don’t like to feel this or admit it so. It is convenient to blame the outside world or others for this self-abandonment.
This is gorgeous to read Nicole, such a game changer when we let go of the protective walls we have lived with for so long and allows others to see who we truly are and then we get to feel the potential of true relationships in all areas of our lives.
“What ifs?” can literally destroy your life piece by piece, life works far better if you live for now and leave the past in the past and the future in the future and give everything you’ve got to what’s right in front of you.
I think I’m much better at letting people in than I used to be, and I am. But there is a trip up and that is that I still don’t let people in in full. I tell myself it’s good enough but I’m still not experiencing the full joy of what is on offer.
For me Serge Benhayon is the role model for living true love for all. People have hurt him in numerous ways – like what has been written about him is outrageous – but he does not close off or become protected because of it, he meets everyone with the same freshness, innocence and openness as if he had never experienced any hurt. And he very likely doesn’t feel hurt because he does not take things personally.
Relationships based on needing nothing, is the only true way to do relationships.
I have definitely noticed a shift within me the more I start to appreciate myself. I’m only at the very beginning of this, but already, I can feel how much more open I am to others, where in the past I would really want to keep them at several arms length. I still keep people out, but I’m more aware of it, and slowly letting the protection go.
When we start having a relationship with ourselves we stop the need for other people to fill the gap. The gap being there from not being connected to or living with the fullness of who we are. This is such an exposing blog Nicole, as it uncovers the truth behind why many relationships don’t work. Because they are based on need and not love.
Beautifully shared Nicole. Being and living the love we are is only possible if we let others in. The love we are is a oneness that is all-inclusive and universal, and by virtue of this true love can only be lived when we live the fullness of who we are with and for all.
Letting people in is the only true way to live in harmony and we innately all know this – so why do we hold back – why wait – and what are we waiting for? Let’s just do it!
‘The workshop was for me, like getting married all over again – I felt myself opening up and letting people in like never before, a new, true sense of intimacy – being all of me. I realised that I can do this with anyone; with myself, another, and with all of humanity.’ And this was just one workshop of Universal Medicine! When we get reflected in truth how we are in relationships we have the choice to become aware and surrender. You have so beautifully described what is possible when we surrender to who we are.
Beautiful to read. We are holding ourselves short in the first place when we choose to hold our wall. We need to be deeply honest to let this wall crumble down, allowing our hurts to go and take to the world with an open heart.
Wise words Nicole, thank you. It seems to me that when we choose to live contracted from everything we are then living in the shadow of hurt all the time. At least when we choose to live all that we are and express that in our lives, we come out of those shadows and feel that ‘joy and glory’ – even if there are times when we run the risk of feeling rejected by another. And as you say, when we really look at the nuts and bolts of this situation, we might find it is our own choices that are really the source of our hurts not those of others. We are the ones with the power to choose and we can choose to live who we truly are in full – if we want to.
Thank you Nicole for a simply beautiful sharing, we live such guarded lives for fear of being hurt, when the true hurt is us not living all of us allowing love out and allowing love in, being all that we are.
The wall of ‘what if’s’ you speak about Nicole are always negatives, our ‘what if’s’ are of some potential danger of being hurt, they are never the possibilities of the power and potential to be shared by connecting to the love within and with another. The intelligence born from hurts can never consider the possibilities of the grandness of love because it thinks from a place already separated from love. And, this is the intelligence that many of us allow to run our lives.
Thank you Nicole. Shutting down to avoid being hurt is totally counterproductive and yet most of us seem intent on choosing it. Your blog is a beautiful support to anyone that wants to open their heart.
This is beautifully expressed Nicole, it is about letting all of us out, which in turn makes us let everyone in. I can feel this truth, but feel there are some hurdles I can make to not let go of the protection, but feeling the power of love more and more is allowing myself to understand in full that I won’t get hurt, and if I get in any way it is my choice to still be all that I am, as I am worth it, everyone is worth it.
Thankyou Benkt, I can relate to the step by step process you describe. It would be a complete turn around to now spend all of my time letting me out in full, instead of working to keep everyone out for fear of hurt. And, how much bigger that hurt magnifies the more disconnected to my essence I am.
“We deserve to be all that we are, and to share this with all others” So true Nicole. Holding back serves no-one – just keeps us small and away from our magnificence.
It is such a shame that for many we grow up in this world not even knowing that we are not living the potential for how we could live if we let ourselves be all of who we are.
This is the greatest tragedy, as it leaves us at the whim of the stresses of our every day lives, and life runs us, instead of grabbing life and living it how I want to live it. To now have the ability and understanding to discern the difference, it is a pleasure beyond anything I have ever lived, to let myself be, and to let others get to know me, truly deeply, warts and all.
What a beautiful blog Nicola, which describes how the majority of us live in protection and holding back our love, holding back who we truly are. This way of living as you mentioned just keeps everyone at a cold distance, with this empty feeling that never goes away no matter how much we try and numb or dull it with comfort food or other stimulants. The only way to not get hurt is to be open, to share and to connect with others, coming from having a strong sense of self worth and self love to just be yourself – there is no doing required. For if we are all truly honest what we all truly want is to be love and be loved.
The great myth with this is that we think that we are hurt by love, but this is so not true, how can we be hurt by something that is so naturally who we are so deep within. Yes we have been hurt, by not being who we are and all the protection and guardedness that comes with this, and that is what we meet every single relationship with. No wonder we don’t let people in, and we only need to look around to see that that doesn’t work and never has. Time for that to shift and see what does unfold?
It’s so great to be aware of letting people in or not. If we consistently do this eventually things change, people notice, perhaps not consciously, but they notice and feel differently. I had no idea I was protecting myself so much but now that I am aware everything is changing.
We are all guilty of living the guarded, protected versions of ourselves and in doing so deny both ourselves and another the opportunity to truly shine. We are, and we deserve so much more than we allow ourselves to be, and yet, choosing love and reflecting this no matter what is absolutely up to us.
I was one who was very experienced at not letting people in; well maybe a little, but not too far, that was always measured. What I see now when I look back, is not only all the effort and energy that I wasted doing so, but all the joy and love that I missed out on from others, and all the same qualities that others missed out from me holding back the wonderful woman I naturally am.
Ingrid this is a beautiful comment, I hadn’t looked at it this way. The anxiousness and stress that comes from focusing on avoiding hurts (and on hurts in general) seems to obliterate the wisdom that is available to see the situation as it truly is.
It takes an enormous amount of energy to keep people out and I can feel this puts a great strain on my body. We were made to let people in and my body knows the way.
I agree Leonne, it is exhausting to constantly put up a guard and keep people out, it is natural for us to want to connect with another and I know I come alive and feel more energised when I am more open and embracing of others.
“true sense of intimacy – being all of me.” Serge Benhayon have inspired me to appreciate that there is nothing to hide but all to share in choosing to be all that I am – love.
Oh yes, my old pattern is that when I have felt deeply hurt by some-one, they did not get a second chance as I keep them at a safe distance. But actually I was not aware at that time that as soon as I close my heart to just one person, I was closing my heart to everyone, keeping everyone out to ‘ keep myself safe’. Truth was I just hurt myself even more, as I was unable to connect with anyone and always found relationships difficult and intense because of my neediness…..
I’ve begun to be more aware of how I withdraw from people when I feel hurt (& not even necessarily in response to anything specific they have done, but just me feeling I don’t want to communicate or accept support). Sometimes I stay in this space for longer than I would like, however I’m more able to recognise this when it happens – and if I’m not wanting to talk about it at the time, to at least take responsibility for the fact that I feel hurt and can let the other person know it’s not about them. While sometimes it takes a little longer, often something as simple as being honest and aware is enough to allow me to open up and let the other person in.
I learnt to hold onto my hurt because I was terrified of what would happen if I poked and prodded I didn’t want to lose control so the best way to manage it was to numb it and bury it deeper into my body. Holding onto the hurt also meant it was always there in any relationships that I had. It wasn’t until I started to study with Universal Medicine that actually started to deal with the hurts and heal them.
This week I feel like I have not held back. I have felt that moment when I calibrate what I might say and tailor it for who I was speaking to and I dismissed it. I said what needed to be said and I saw the blinds go down on some and it was ok. I recon that what I said might sit there and in time, might do something and break down some barriers. Nobody needs to accept me, there is no investment in that, it’s just important not to hold back so the opportunity is there over and over again.
“My relationships are now based on my needing nothing. I am now able to have true relationships with all those I come into contact with. At times there may be some hurt, but I am able to very quickly return to love, and the hurt is insignificant compared to the joy and glory that is present when I choose to live all of me.” It’s true Nicole – when we are full of love for ourselves there is nothing that anyone can truly do to harm us. When we are not needing anything from another and accepting and allowing them to be, the pressure on the relationship is removed making space for it to grow and evolve.
I used to wonder what it truly meant ‘to let people in’ as I knew I was friendly and open and wasn’t that enough? It is more than this, as you share Nicole it is about developing a relationship with myself first, self-appreciation has been key to deepening my own love and has supported me to appreciate and accept others around me as well.
Hi Anna, yes that is very true.. Our relationship with ourselves is often avoided, seemingly I know this as I have discovered I had done that and still do. I am learning this now, and so I am willing and learning to have and build a forever deepening relationship with myself. Since beginning – I feel how strong this choice is – and what power is underneath. There is no need for anything else.
Living in that constant state of anxiousness about ‘what if’, is totally insane, yet I do it all the time. It’s amazing how much we don’t even realise how tightly we hold on to protecting ourselves from the unknown. Could the unknown be a trillion times more amazing than what we do know?? How will we ever find out?
What I am being made more aware of these days is my level of intimacy with people and myself. I have noticed that I have a pattern of using my commitments and what I do be an excuse to not allow myself to be seen in full at times. Appreciating the true power of sharing who we are in full with not only ourselves but with all is immense. True intimacy nurtures all and brings honesty to the forefront of all relationships.
Letting people in all equally – is something I am not yet living consistently, and this is really down to how I am with myself. Sometimes it comes natural, and sometimes it just feels as thought I have no capacity for it. I am working on it.
“Why is it we choose to live a life without letting people in? Even those close to us – children, partners, friends – only get to see part of who we truly are”.
Great question Nicole and certainly still a work in progress for me.
Thank you for highlighting how loving and healing it is, for ourselves and others, to let people in.
I have realised over time that even those closest to me have been kept at a safe distance – just in case … It’s certainly a limiting way to live. I have been working on changing this pattern for a while now and it’s made a huge difference in my interactions with others. As basic as it sounds I have realised that, although daunting at times, letting others in signals a readiness to accept the other person just as they are, which is surely what we are all seeking from others.
Yep, that’s very true Helen. And isn’t it funny how different we can be with family compared to everyone outside of the home? We think we are more of ourselves at home, but this isn’t often true, we’re just more relaxed about behaving badly in my opinion, because we feel safe about getting away with it. Meanwhile, we are still protecting ourselves even from those we say we are closest to.
Yes, it is exhausting and draining to be shut down to people. I am beginning to realise just how much I have not let people in. I have blamed everyone for me not being able to let people in, for not being able to trust people. Whilst doing all this blaming, I didn’t need to look at myself and my role in these distant relationships with people. Rather than picking fault with other people and analyse at what point and why they rejected me, the question is ‘am I being who I truly am?’
I agree Simone, I have noticed how exhausted my body feels when I hold humanity out, it’s like unplugging from my power source.
Beautiful Nicole. Letting people in is so important. Like you shared: It begins with ourselves first. I am starting now. Thank you.
Since realizing that I was still holding back the true essence of me, and still hiding behind a wall of ‘what ifs’, I came to realize that if I truly loved and allowed, then nothing another did or said could ever harm me. Yes, I may feel hurt, but that does not mean that others are worthy of any less than my being all of me, nor am I worth less than being all of me. – This is true and so powerful. Living the lie of continuing in despair and loneliness simply hurts even more, as I am feeling now. It is now to choose to see what there is to see and feel (of the choices we have made), to observe and let them go.. yes letting all of that go, as simply – this is not who we are, we are worth to claim back that we are never ever made to separate from love or people. It is our choice and right to diminish this lie by living and claiming that we are worth celebrating and let go of this emptiness and the hurts as WE ARE SO MUCH MORE BIGGER THAN THAT!
I think it hurts much more to not be who we are, and to live the guarded, protected versions.”… Absolutely true Nicole, I am in the middle of the side effects of that. It hurt incredibly much to not love and to not be love in every way – who we divinely are; warm, tender, beautiful, sweet, sexy, true, powerfull women and men. To put those ‘seemingly strong hurts’ aside and to let yourself feel who you are and how much love you are – is the healing of all the hurts in ONE.
I agree Danna, we think we are in protection from hurt, but that protection is hurting us far more just as it hurts all others, confirming to them they also need to be protected. Loving others and letting them in allows them to trust they too can let down protection and open up. Letting go of protection is what lets people in.
We hurt ourselves by not loving ourselves and others – which is in truth letting in, and choosing not to be hurt. As when thinking we need to close down, which is coming from a hurt, is actually an illusion to think that it is protecting us. Secondly it is highly controlling to not let people in and feel the love within you, within everyone, that is actually so strong. SO control and illusion is not getting us anywhere – accept a hurt. Well I think we are over that one – time for love.
‘Have you ever let someone in only to feel hurt by them later on?’ YES! Absolutely! Learning to live with an open heart and let people do what they need to, even if that does have the impact of hurting others is such a huge and valuable lesson.
I know in the past, when I have been hurt, I really hadn’t let people in to know the real me anyway. It was as if I was proving the futility of trusting people yet I had never really trusted them. What did I expect would happen? Really letting people in is a work in progress yet it is so worthwhile and freeing.
As is for me and so many of us Amanda. It really is quite a big deal to be more of ourselves, simply because it’s like one huge step we skipped growing up. We were born all of ourselves of course…trusting as anything, and then something happened along the way that taught us we’d better be careful and wary of everyone.
Spot on Carmel, we are harming ourselves all the time by not allowing love in. It’s crazy we live in contraction and exhaustion through fears and hurts when we could choose love, light and energy.
It’s absurd that we removed ourselves from the one thing that can give us complete safety, love.
Letting people in is an ongoing practice for me. The more I’m trusting myself the more I’m trusting others and letting them in. Just as you said Nicole, I know that when I’m in love I can’t get hurt. The more I trust my love the more I know this to be true
“We deserve to be all that we are, and to share this with all others.” Thank you, Nicole, for this precious gift to all of us and whole humanity. With Love.
So do I susang12!
Well said Jinya. When we are conditional with our love and have agendas to why we love we are motivated only for the payoffs coming back to us. This definitely holds everyone around us to ransom. But by living this way we also cannot even begin to open ourselves to and appreciate the immense wisdom of true love.
Carmel this holding out and holding back in order to protect ourselves is exactly why we are so exhausted all the time. Well said.
Me too!
Wearing an armour of protection and being constantly on guard to shield ourselves from being hurt is totally exhausting. Even though the aim is to stop us being hurt by others by keeping everyone out, as a consequence this shield is also impenetrable to allowing anything in. By living this way we all miss out on the potential and true depth that our connections could be.
“… I came to realise that if I truly loved and allowed, then nothing another did or said could ever harm me.” I have had moments where I can feel this is the truth. Love really is the only thing that is truly safe.
I can feel that too Leonne, that if I am in love, nothing can hurt me because the love that I am in is all encompassing end will show me what there is for me to learn in any situation life brings to me. When I am in love it is impossible for me to react but instead I see what is there for me to appreciate and honour as life to me is my journey back where I come from and have to return to, to a life based on love and nothing else.
Beautifully said Leonne, I have felt the same. The more I feel the safety in love the more I let it in. I’m building a trusting relationship with love again.
If everyone or least most are walking around with a wall of protection do we really know the people we consider as friends or family and then what kind of foundation are all these relationships based on? It is healing to have met Serge Benhayon and experience and witness his ability to be open and let every person in who he interacts with and always meeting them as an equal.
It also makes sense to me jsnelgrove36 that if any relationship is based on you feeling you have to create a wall of protection to protect yourself from potential harm, the actual foundations of that relationship will be rocky and unequal also. As a consequence, how can that not but lead to the actual relationship being rocky and based on inequality also.
Letting love in and out is simply good for our body and health.
When the cracks first form to tear down our self made wall it will hurt at first.
However once down the beauty of being with people with no reservations will forever amaze you to why the wall went up in the first place. And thus the unfoldment continues.
“It is us that we are missing in the first place.” As everything starts with ourself I have come to understand that I was indeed missing myself. I have never really let people in my entire life, having carried a deep hurt for so long and being fearful of others. Once I let go of the guard things miraculously fell into place. There is real joy in discovering that people actually enjoy my presence and I have something to share. Yesterday I saw some colleagues of mine I had not met in over a year. I was pleasantly surprised to find so many coming to talk to me in very engaging ways. This is due to the openness that Universal Medicine has brought into my life. A huge thank you to all in Universal Medicine.
Nicole that’s a massive milestone you have turned and one I’m happy to be reminded of again. I seem to open up then feel all my little hurts creep back in till I’m not showing all of me again. It’s a work in progress that gets easier the more I open up and feel the joy and safety there is when we one is in complete love.
‘My relationships are now based on my needing nothing.’ This is huge. Because most of us have an investment in getting our needs met through and from others and we hold back a part of ourselves as protection from getting hurt, meaning we hardly ever fully present who we truly are. You’re right, it hurts more to not be who we are. But knowing this is one thing. Living it is an entirely different ask and your confidence here is an inspiration.
I love the wisdom in this line Nicole -‘At times there may be some hurt, but I am able to very quickly return to love, and the hurt is insignificant compared to the joy and glory that is present when I choose to live all of me.’ – A beautiful reminder thank you.
‘I think it hurts much more to not be who we are, and to live the guarded, protected versions.’ – I absolutely agree Nicole. I thought that I was letting people in by sharing all that things I was doing in my life. But I realised that this was a form of protection for myself, to not share who I truly am as I was guarding myself from getting hurt by being rejected. I have now discovered that honoring how I am feeling, trusting in the love I know I am, letting go of my hurts and letting people in feels so much freer that living holding back, guarded and restricted by my fear. And now my relationships have deepened with a richness and oneness of love that is truly healing and joyful.
So well said Nicola, most of humanity is walking around with walls doing what ever they can to keep them up when all the time they are keeping us from the very thing we all really want – LOVE! With the help of Universal Medicine I have have got rid of many walls and I continue to work any others that may pop up!
The fact we hold people to ransom for seemingly hurting us by not expressing Love to us is exposing how silly our reaction in this way truly is because is not the lack of expressing Love and letting each other in in full is the real issue. Thus reacting and holding another to ransom is simply perpetuating the very thing we do not truly want in society which is the guards and protection that actually stop love coming in!
I would have said in the past before meeting Universal medicine that I was an open person based on the way I can easily speak with people. However I have come to learn this ‘openness’ came from a place of protection and control and that how I am actually being is not always presenting all of me and being willing to be seen. I find this line “We deserve to be all that we are, and to share this with all others.” easy to relate to and it comes down to me accepting I am enough, so no protection or ‘show’ is needed.
So true Nicole, putting up a barrier of protection to keep out the hurts also keeps out the love. In searching for love from behind a wall we cannot feel what is all around us just waiting for us to climb over the wall.
It is amazing how many layers of protection we have. One day you think you are open, and then the next day you open yourself up just a little bit more and you look back and you think, wow, I was not open. Committing oneself to a live of love is a forever unfolding path.
It is crazy that in attempting to protect us from getting hurt, we deny ourselves the beauty and power of standing strong in our tender fragility, when it is in fact this denial that hurts us more than another ever could.
Wow Samantha that is so beautifully said. The love is not ours to keep alone, it is for all to share.
It is beauty full to know the people around us from the basis of love, and that we know everyone is the same, and that we can share this love with everyone.
Yes, that is beautifully said, I can feel when I am more open, I don’t have the judgement to others, there is just a feeling of oneness, and a sharing of our beauty.
“Love and only love”, how absolutely inspiring and divine are these words
Love, there is no other way
Thank you Nicole.
God’s love is grander than any hurt. If I choose God, nothing but love can touch me. What hurts is the thousands of days on which I didn’t choose love. Patiently I choose love again and again until the trust and continuity is there to fully let love in.
Beautifully said Felix and very true.
Wow Felix that’s a beautiful comment, one to pin on my wall.
Beautiful Felix, what you share here is just absolute gold and oh so true.
Such a great blog to read Nicole, I used to live protecting myself from further hurt as well, but it is very draining when you put up that constant wall. I know my life began to change when I began to let go of old hurts and truly let people in.
There is no safety in protection. True safety is in letting people in and in engaging with life, since this brings Heaven to Earth.
Felix you are on fire with your comments in this blog, and piece of gold from the heavens.
I often felt confused about what it really meant to ‘let people in’…until I realised that it was about how much I was prepared to let people see me in full including the enormous power of my vulnerability. I had become a master at holding this back and keeping people at a very safe arms length, I knew exactly how to let them in but only to a certain point where they would be met with a force that said ‘stay away from me’. Today it is a very different story as I am so much more connected to my precious inner qualities, carrying a huge presence that is way too big to keep to myself. I am much more comfortable in letting the world see me from the inside out and how lovely it feels to be living a life where I am more and more myself every day.
This is what I so often do with people; calculate the distance of which I can allow myself to be open with them, I have found it differs so greatly with different people, which makes me question how much do I truly let people in? I have noticed how restrictive this actually feels in my body, there have been times where I have been far more unconditionally open and during these times I feel much healthier and fitter in my body
Gorgeous Nicole. When we hold back who we are and measure how much we let people in we do indeed live a measured and protected life. It is crazy as we are hurting ourselves and others by limiting the depth of love we are willing to go to and share. ‘I now know that by connecting to and living all of who I am, in all that I do, I am letting all of me out, and letting people in.’ – beautifully said Nicole. When we do choose love and appreciate the grandness of love that we are it is only natural to then invite all others to share this joy and beauty that we all are in essence.
Beautiful! I felt this blog expressed so clearly how important it is to claim and live the truth of who we are – why would we choose to be anything less. Thank you Nicole.
Beautiful post, Nicole – thankyou. “I was able to feel what it is to be able to let another in: to truly let people in, without any reservations, no matter who they are. To let go of any fear of being hurt, or that another may use my fragility and vulnerability against me at some point.” I too can do this at workshops, but fail with the consistency out in everyday life – a work in progress, as they say!
Great blog Nicole, I can relate to everything you have written and still have to choose everyday to be open, which on the face of it is crazy seeing as it is the most natural way for us to be and yet protecting ourselves from hurt has become our most common way to live.
It’s as if there has been this belief that we were hurt once therefore we have to do whatever it takes to keep ourselves from feeling that hurt ever again, but what if that hurt isn’t actually as bad a we initially experienced? Is it worth taking the risk to feel who we are without the protection, by being open to everyone and seeing what happens.
Another great blog Nicole that inspires me as I read it. “I now know that by connecting to and living all of who I am, in all that I do, I am letting all of me out, and letting people in. There is no longer the emptiness that I carried around for so long and my relationships are now based on my needing nothing”.
Loved reading your blog Nicole, holding back is something I still find myself doing and how I measure things so I won’t get hurt. “We deserve to be all that we are, and to share this with all others. If we live behind a wall of ‘what ifs’, our life will never feel complete.” A great line and something I will take into my day.
Why choose this ill pattern of not letting people in over and over again while we are naturally designed to connect to one another from heart to heart? I do not see any reason for that anymore, and choose to let people in since this is my true essence. It is so needed in our society that we do that, to be the living example of how everybody innately wants to live, but has forgotten about.
Nicole I could feel myself opening up to be all the love I am without protection from reading your blog.
You are so right that everyone is missing out when we hold back our love including ourselves! Thank you for this beautiful sharing.
beautiful Brendan, thank you
opening up and showing our true selves is the most amazing feeling ever, it beats anything I’ve ever tried. Its the most natural thing we can do and is available to us anytime.
Super well said – being true to yourself and open to sharing that total awesomeness with everyone is the most amazing feeling ever.
Thank you for sharing Nicole, your experience at this presentation. When attending a workshop by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I often find that I cannot but help melt into the love that is being shared!
‘We deserve to be all that we are, and to share this with all others.’ is very powerful when taken in its entirety. When I can still the busyness and motion going on in and around me and allow all of me to be present with others the result is a beautiful connection. It is definitely a much more authentic way of connecting to myself and others based on the notion of equality which also means that we don’t play ‘small’ with ourselves or others.
‘I think it hurts much more to not be who we are, and to live the guarded, protected versions.’ – so true. It hurts because we know we are choosing not to live from a place of love, to not offer that love in all it’s fullness to others and to not allow that love to feed us back. Why would we choose to do this to ourselves and to everyone else …..
I have struggled in letting people in too Nicole. I allowed the few that had hurt me to close me off to everyone else. It was very dysfunctional and I feel many wasted years of not being with myself and others.
So true Brendan, not only everyone but within ourselves too.
Thank you for sharing Nicole. I’ve been thinking a lot about how much I open up to people lately. I use to complain that no one knew the real me and that’s because I was only giving them a surface face so wasn’t actually connecting and letting them see all of me… What you have said is true, we tend to hold back from everyone in fear of getting hurt even though we haven’t been hurt by everyone. So many people are missing out.
So true Emily, and what a gift we give others when we are willing to be this intimate and open with them, it also inspires another to connect more deeply and to show their true selves as well.
Here here! I became more and more closed the older I got. Now it is recognising when I am choosing protection, when I shut down because I feel something I don’t want to and letting people in again.
“We deserve to be all that we are, and to share this with all others. If we live behind a wall of ‘what ifs’, our life will never feel complete. We will always be looking for something outside of ourselves to fulfil an emptiness that honestly only we can fill… as it is us that we are missing in the first place. No one and no thing can fill that… well, not for long anyhow.” I had an aha moment as I read this paragraph and a feeling that I allowed myself to drop in and fill the emptiness instead of searching for something outside to fill the emptiness. Thank you Nicole.
A great comment to a great blog Natalie. Thank you
“The hurt is insignificant compared to the joy and glory that is always present when I choose to live all of me”. Thank-you Nicole, this is a great reminder for me to read at this time.
Thank you Nicole for another beautiful blog! Just like you I discover that of course I get hurt now and then but I can quickly return to my love and joy because that’s all there is really.
Love truly is the basis for everything, and to not be tensioned by the spirit, as love takes everything back to the connection we have with ourselves and others.
Such a simple explanation of how we harm each other by holding ourselves back in case we get hurt! Truly kicking the wall down and allowing ourselves to be truly open and connect with another is the ultimate antidote to the world’s relationship issues – imagine a world where we truly loved each and everyone – it would be amazing.
Those ‘what if’s’ are many and varied and we can use an unlimited amount of excuses not to allow ourselves to be seen and not let others in. I know I have walked around with a big wall of protection for a long time and, yes, it’s crazy and it’s doing far more harm than any possible good – which in truth there is none. Thank you Nicole for your beautifully written article.
I have often pretended to let people in by ‘knowing’ a lot of people and having ‘many’ friends. Truth is , for the majority of my life, I have let a very small minority of those people in, and actually, if I’m super truthfull….perhaps by minority I mean none. Instead, I adapted myself to each individual, putting on a show of what I thought they wanted and expected of me. Today, I’m reconnecting with a lot of old friends and I have to say, the more I bring myself to the relationship the more open they are and the more real the experience becomes. It’s pretty cool.
Before Universal Medicine I used to think being open with others was telling them all about me and my life and how wonderful or awful I was. Now this feeling of openness is being open to my own sensitivity and speaking and interacting with people from that open space whilst staying connected to my feelings and not shutting them down. This is very much a work in progress for me where I have to remind myself to stay open when the impulse comes to run and hide. Sometimes I do stay open, other times I choose to run and hide. What Nicole shares here is what is available for us all if we choose to remain open.
Well said Shevon, its so interesting what we ‘think’ something means when in actuality nothing could be further from the truth. Meeting someone and being open is so joyful and uplifting I find it hard to understand why I would do anything different and yet I still do! Complete madness.
I had the same belief about the openness with people like you describe in your lovely command Shevon . . . For me it was a discovery that openness means so much more. To not dismiss what I was feeling and to share this with people was a huge thing for me and still is sometimes. It is like that many of us human being are falling for this belief about openness and not what it mean to be truly open without any reservations.
I agree shevonsimon. I used to think that also. Now I understand that it is totally accepting all of me, appreciating all that unfolds and while staying connected and open to this unfolding connecting with others in love. Thanks Nicole.
Thank you Nicole – so many bells rang for me particularly when you said “Have you ever let someone in only to feel hurt by them later on?. Many times and I’ve carried the hurt around with me for too long and the destructive guard takes a stronghold. This left me feeling very empty. Now with the understanding that it need not be this way any more – Phew!! Its like hey don’t take things personally – living with more self love in my life has certainly brought about a different awareness/expansion and it is a joy to share this connection with others. A great blog one I shall return to often.
Here I am back reading this again and I must say how amazing is it that we can learn so much in one day and practically allow this new way of being to expand through out our lives. The one thing I am realising about letting others in, is that my understanding of what it means and feels like to let others in is consistently expanding, which is great because if I keep going with the flow of this expansion my life becomes full of richer relationships and connections every day.
An inspiring blog Nicole. Thank you.
It is amazing how easily these wants and needs creep in particularly after a difficult day at work coming home and needing your partner to be a certain way to offset what you have taken on during the day. The openness to let people in and being honest about what is going on can expose the real issue rather than falling back to the “you don’t love me” and needing your partner to do something as a fix.
Thank you Nicole, so well presented on how we live in a world of what ‘ if’s ‘, it sounds very if’y to me! So what ‘ if ‘ we actually started to live the love that we are, that true essence which has an energetic connection to our true intimacy or our real love as presented by Serge Benhayon? Wow I feel the world would look like one community.
Thank you for sharing this Nicole. Being open and truly letting people in is an amazing experience. It is something that I am bringing more and more into my life. I can still feel the protection at times but it is getting less and becoming easier to let people in.
Beautiful Nicole and completely relate to what you say here that …”Even those close to us – children, partners, friends – only get to see part of who we truly are”. Yes it is a complete shame we allow only part of us to be seen, and this shame is only really truly felt when we start to experience, enjoy and appreciate being all of us, the openness this allows, and then living this with others.
Yes Ryan it is huge. I am learning to let people in and with it comes such joy.
Hi Nicole, thank you for sharing your revelation. Holding people at arms length, with my other hand in a fist, cocked ready to strike, has been the way I have lived. To do this I had to harden from the true tender being I am, which was reflected in the hardening of my body – gallbladder, liver, cardiovascular. To allow myself to be tender is to let people in and feel and hear all there is to be aware of in relationship with people, to not make it all about me, but all about people, is to feel that in truth we are all connected as one, forever healing each other with a natural exchange of awareness-energy-love. As is evidenced by Nicole sharing this blog.
It is indeed an absurd concept we have adapted. We get hurt and then we try to avoid getting hurt by putting up an armour or avoid some situations at all. This is not something we do as children. When we are young we have a zest for life and an endless joy in exploring things. When we get hurt we feel that as a stop to come back to ourselves or a reminder to be more aware, it is always a learning but we do not take it as something to withdraw and to make us less in the process. So we do know, even as adults, how it feels to be ‘full of ourselves’, and this I find is enormous as I only return to something I have long known and I just need to allow myself to reconnect back to it.
Reading this blog Nicole, the word that comes to mind and heart, is EASE…
And I realise all the more deeply, the tension and effort that goes into keeping people out, and ‘shielding’ oneself to any degree at all, alongside with holding back the expression of love – there is such effort in all of this, no ease, no sense of space, trust, relaxation…
As opposed to opening up and letting people feel me – just simply me for all that I am – and loving others from the depth of love that I know, unreservedly. Ah, my nervous system and body already relax at the mere thought of how simple it can all, actually, be.
Thank-you for a beautiful blog, that has let us all in to the beauty that is you Nicole, and for loving others so much that you would ‘let you out’ and share it so.
here here Nicole, very well presented.
I realised that ‘letting people in’ was pretty much a head thing, a concept for me, and I am beginning to experience it a little differently. When I notice the guarded tension around my shoulders, and tightness of my neck start to lift, and the holdings from other parts of my body follow, a feeling of spaciousness begins to expand from my heart out to the every peripheral of my body up to the fingernails and out. It feels like everything and everyone is just easy and uncomplicated, and so am I, and it feels so natural there should be no other way really – it feels like I am letting people in.
I love that Fumiyo, the body never lies, a true marker of where we are at and how we are holding, protecting ourselves.
How beautiful that we allow ourselves to feel this, and from that begin to let go and let others in, and ourselves out.
It just occurred to me in using the public transport service (which I haven’t used in ages) that in these past few days I have noticed that every time I board a bus, the driver removes his sunglasses to greet all the passengers – whether it is a new policy implemented or not, it feels amazing to receive that openness and has also highlighted how, on occasions I have felt to remove my sunglasses before greeting others.
I can relate, I used to leave my sunglasses on when I met people, for me it was a way to hide, now I feel to remove them when I am with people, and if I choose to leave them on due to glare, it is simply for that purpose and not to hide who I am.
This is such a simple gesture, yet great point Greg & Nicole. I often take off my sunglasses when talking to someone, to allow the eye connection.. it feels as though I’m not allowing all of me to be seen, when I leave them on unnecessarily.
I totally relate to your blog, Nicole and equally appreciate all that Universal Medicine have presented. What I find in my life is the opportunity to ever refine the depth or extent to which I am able to accept myself and therefore open up even more to the world. Every day presents an opportunity to continue to grow in Love.
Beautiful Greg. You can feel the tenderness in which you are and it is beautiful to observe your unfoldment in and with love.
Your boys and all of our children have a wonderful role model in you, thank you.
Thank you Nicole for the timely reminder of how I keep people out in the belief that I’m protecting myself from a possible hurt when in fact I am guaranteeing that I remain ‘hurt’ by keeping humanity out. How mixed up and back-ward is that?
Totally backward, all so we can supposedly protect ourselves!!
When really we are doing the complete opposite.
“Have you ever let someone in only to feel hurt by them later on? And then from that hurt choose to keep others even further away just in case it was to happen again?”
The answer to your question, Nicole, is definitely yes. I have had a big trust issue with people and myself for a very long time and it was only once I started to attend the presentations by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon where I have been inspired by the constant reflection of love and openness that I too was able to start to break down my barriers and let people in. Of course, there are still times when I do feel hurt, but like you, because I am living more of the real ‘me’ the hurts don’t have the effect they used to have.
The presentations by universal medicine is what also supported me to break down the barriers I built to supposedly protect myself.
As the barriers come down more of me is lived and others are let in.
I was recently listening to a presentation by Natalie Benhayon and she talked about deepening the relationship with self so when I read the blog today this line stood out for me. ‘In order for me to build a true relationship with myself and others, I had to knock down that wall, drop the protection and let people in; and let all of me out – without holding back my love.’ It feels profoundly true.
For me enjoying me is the key and in time letting go of the need to satisfy others. I’m sure I will naturally when I’m just myself.
I find very similar for me Matts, accepting and loving who I am, not worrying about what others think, letting go of being accepted by another.
Something I am constantly working on as for so long now I have lived my lifestyle seeking acceptance and recognition from others.
Thank you Judy. Natalie is absolutely letting people in and herself out, a true inspiration and a constant reflection that there is always more.
I know every time I see her she reminds me to keep going deeper, opening up more than the second before.
Another beautiful blog Nicole and this paragraph in itself is a revelation for me. “It’s absurd really, when you think about it! We are not being who we truly are just in case we get hurt… when it is we who are harming ourselves by not letting people in and being all of us in the first place. I think it hurts much more to not be who we are, and to live the guarded, protected versions”. Thank you.
I can relate most definitely to not letting people in, thinking that I would get hurt or be abused in some way. I recently got to feel how this protection and guarding really made me feel. I new it hurt but Oh My God I felt absolutely crushed, devastated like no other pain I had experienced before…. How crazy is that.
So this fortress or Berlin Wall I built around me continues to come tumbling away more and more everyday
Thank you Nicole. So great to read your article right now. I am in the process of letting go of some of my protection, I agree with you that it hurts more to live these protections .. I am realising this now as I let go more.