Lies about Love

by  Johanna Fredericks, Bachelor of Education, Perth WA

The lies about Love that I have fallen for were exposed to me yesterday when I attended the Couples Workshop held by Universal Medicine. As it turns out, it wasn’t really just for couples, it was actually a ‘Relationship Workshop’ – about our relationship with self and our relationships with others.

We were asked simple and direct questions that, for me, exposed the false ideals and beliefs that I was holding on to around what Love is.

Because of these ideals and beliefs, which I hold only in my mind, I sometimes feel hurt when others don’t meet my idea of Love. When I come from my mind’s perception of what Love is or from what I was ‘told’ Love should be, I get tricked into thinking that I get hurt.

The biggest revelation for me during the Universal Medicine relationship workshop – one that I felt deeply to be true in my body – was that Love is from the heart and the heart is pure and it can never actually get hurt. I also got to feel very deeply that Love is universal, it is equal for all, it is a quality and an energy that we naturally are and can hold others in.

Even though I have been developing a deeper level of love in my body over the last 6 years, and I know that I AM LOVE and I feel the purity of true Love when I am connected to my heart, throughout the workshop I got to feel the depths of the absolute lies that I had been sold about Love in my life.

For example, in the past I believed Love was about:

  • Meeting expectations,
  • Doing something ‘nice’ for someone,
  • Always giving up time, even if it was at expense to self,
  • Recognition and identification,
  • Buying gifts and making gestures for the sake of it,
  • Not speaking up,
  • Sex,
  • Enjoining in emotional messes,
  • Allowing people close to me to get away with treating me, at times, without care.

It was freeing to feel this, as I no longer carry the hurt because I now understand it.

And if we are all holding misinterpretations and expectations of what Love is, then our relationships are being affected greatly, because one person’s expectation rarely fits in with another’s. No wonder there is often a mismatch!

I also now know there are no limits or boundaries to Love in its true form. I got to feel the two versions of Love and they are polar opposites.

I allowed myself to see, with my eyes wide open, what I had been sold as Love and what I had fallen for. I held the two views side by side: what I had been sold and believed versus, what I know love to be and feel deep in me and in others. When I compared the two versions, I got to feel the great injustice of it all.

Now I know True Love is about (and the fact is, I knew this Love when I was little):

  • Treating myself and another with tenderness, preciousness and a deep level of care,
  • Consideration, understanding and appreciation,
  • Feeling the quality of the movement in my body and the care in the voice,
  • Getting called out when we are not being the Love that we are,
  • Not holding back in expressing Love in action or word,
  • Looking deeply into another’s eyes,
  • Allowing fragility, true intimacy and surrendering,
  • Holding Love strong and supporting others,
  • Being interested in another and being patient.

Love for me now is also:

  • About letting me know that I matter greatly,
  • Supportive, nourishing and TRUE,
  • Something each and everyone of us IS and deserves.

Today, I am more able to live in this amazing Love and know that it is there for us all, should we choose it! Through the consistent and unwavering true Love Serge Benhayon and those from Universal Medicine have shown me, and through Universal Medicine presentations and workshops such as the recent one on relationships, I’ve been able to feel Love in its true form and have been clearly shown that this Love can be lived every day. From this reflection I’ve also been able to feel that I AM LOVE.

Now I am deeply inspired to support myself every day to live the Love that I am, in connection to my heart. This love is so grand, I am forever unfolding, developing and deepening… allowing the Love that lives within me to be… and no longer falling for lies about love.

 

408 thoughts on “Lies about Love

  1. We have been sold so many lies about what love is. And when you really tap into them they simply do not make sense. When love is the heart, how could it beam out to just one other person? Love is a beholding, in every direction for everyone. And that, I want to deepen more and more.

  2. So often we get caught in an ideal of love and perceive it has to be a certain way that we make love conditional and narrow which is the complete opposite to the truth and simplicity of love and its all encompassing, uniting and beholding way of being for all equally.

  3. “Love is from the heart and the heart is pure and it can never actually get hurt.” It is actually us who hurt ourselves especially when expectations don’t get met, when we live from love with no expectation no pictures or images we have true love, anything else is only a misinterpretation of love.

  4. Do we love ourselves no matter what? No matter what we’ve done or haven’t done, said or haven’t said.. no one else can give us the love that we crave and deserve because we are it, already. It feels like we only crave love when we’ve disconnected from ourselves and our natural innate connection to it. When we’re ‘with ourselves’ i.e. fully in our bodies and not off in our heads, we can feel that connection much more strongly: nothing to do, nothing that we need, just a surrender and a letting go to feel the depth that’s already there, and that we’re already held in.

    1. Your words are medicine to me right now Bryony. We sometimes certainly put conditions to love ourselves, trying to better what we did in the past or beating ourselves up is not the way…just surrender, letting go and feel to live naturally the love we already are. Thank you

  5. Falling for the lies of love is the worst you can do. So what we can do now, is to actually go back and feel all the lies we have accepted and call them out for what they are (nominate) and actually express what true love is from our heart, every step along our way back to Soul. The door where evil dwells is only possible if we do not seal it with love and appreciation.

  6. When we see through the lies about love that we have been sold and fallen for, is a challenging time indeed and a bitter pill to swallow. It is also a time which affords us the opportunity, if we so choose, to embrace and deepen the love that we are for the benefit of all.

  7. If you feel someone else you can feel the love and connection that is already there all of the time. Quite often we choose, or are perhaps in a hurry through life where we overlook this, which is a shame. Then it’s also easy to see differences instead of the equalness that is there.

  8. These are great points. Love is who we are and not conditional on anything. The expression of love can be conditional but is it then still love?

  9. I feel it’s important to hold myself as truly being of love so we can then empower myself to call out all that is not of love such as an emotional outburst or contraction. Otherwise I am illuded by the fact that that is me when it is not.

  10. Thank God for Serge Benhayon consistently living and moving in true love, such a powerful reflection that confirms to us that we are equally this too.

  11. I love reading this blog as it helps me let go of snippets of ideals of what love is even though it is not.

  12. “Love is from the heart and the heart is pure and it can never actually get hurt” – I get that in truth there’s no hurt but our conditions on God is such we use hurt as an alibi for us not to be who we are in full and when I play that game I feel dented.

  13. “I also got to feel very deeply that Love is universal, it is equal for all, it is a quality and an energy that we naturally are and can hold others in.” – Great to express this as so often love is presented as being something reserved for a special few, but like you say I can see now how love is truly something that we can hold everyone equally in. That doesn’t mean we sleep around or have to do things the same with everyone, there will be those whom we spend more time with and are closer with naturally, but energetically speaking we can love everyone equally…

  14. When we are inspired by reflection to feel the truest form of love, and the knowing that it is equally within us is confirmed and awakened, it is possible to let go of the ideals and beliefs we adopt in our need to seek love outside ourselves and connect to the true love within our inner heart.

  15. It is clear that we have conditioned love to be such a minimalistic version of its true grand that what it is commonly considered now is actually a form of self abuse.

  16. We have changed love to fit what we think it should be and when it doesn’t work, we blame love for what has ‘gone wrong’ or even a broken heart, so called. The heart does not break, what breaks are our misconceptions and fanciful notions.

  17. If we want others to bring us our expectations we will just be disappointed all the time.
    But if we make our relations about offering the building of love and honoring each others value, we have a whole different experience being together.

  18. “…because one person’s expectation rarely fits in with another’s. No wonder there is often a mismatch! – This sure explains a lot about difficulties that arise in relationships when each person comes into it needing the other to match a certain picture of what they deem is the ‘perfect’ partner in a needy way instead of allowing the qualities that Johanna has mentioned are true love into their lives. I know that whenever I have approached my partner from the standpoint of wanting her to be a certain way in a controlling manner, it has been because I am doing it in a way that protects me from feeling something or out of a lack of acceptance of myself on some level that comes out by not accepting her completely as well.

  19. The thing about love is that in developing a relationship with the love we are within, we are building a relationship with a quality the not only confirms who we are but also honors who we all are in essence. As such we are able to meet each other in equalness and with an openness to learn and inspire one another, giving rise to evolutionary relationships.

  20. Just taking this to another level, it was shared yesterday in a workshop that if we have ideals and beliefs in one relationship we can not but help infiltrate all other relationships with same brush. With everything being one life, every relationship effects the all.

  21. Johanna, great article thank you, I now know what true love is and it is so different to what we are commonly bought up to believe love is, for me now being understanding, caring and gentle with myself is true love and being this way with others feels like true love also, I used to think love was only between a man and a woman, rather than us actually naturally being love and being able to be loving with everyone.

  22. The other day I found one of those beliefs about love in myself. I had the belief that the other person should pander to me when I am feeling not so good, and when this did not happen I felt very let down, even though I felt the other person was actually allowing me to be grand even when I feeling not so good physically. Yet because it was in contrast with the picture I had about ‘love’, I felt angry because I felt exposed for having an untrue version of love in my life which felt not so nice. Because there are many more of these moments to come in my life, it is about learning to understand why I took on such a belief and letting it go from there.

    1. Yes indeed it is Linda – beautifully said. There is no greater marker of truth than that of our body, as such highlighting the great value and wisdom in developing a loving relationship with our body.

  23. Johanna this stood out for me today
    “I sometimes feel hurt when others don’t meet my idea of Love. When I come from my mind’s perception of what Love is or from what I was ‘told’ Love should be, I get tricked into thinking that I get hurt.”
    Then when we feel hurt we do not trust love and so I feel it’s a huge game being played by our spirit to keep us in the separation and away from that which we actually want the most – love.

  24. ‘I also now know there are no limits or boundaries to Love in its true form’. This is gold Johanna, and reminds us of what’s possible when all our movements become loving – love has no end, it is continually expanding and unfolding.

  25. Thank you Johanna for sharing what you learned at the workshop. I feel like I have had the opportunity to attend via your blog! I appreciated both lists you made of what you thought love was and what you now know and feel it to be. I could relate to believing love was about enjoining in emotional messes, letting people get away with treating me poorly because it’s a close relationship, and also not speaking the truth. – Once love is looked at in its true and false versions, there is much to uncover, discard, and begin living in the true sense of what love is.

  26. Yeh I totally agree – discovering that love is inside you and not just something you receive is a game changer. And there’s little greater than feeling love in your heart and knowing that i’ts there no matter what.

  27. I had all these pictures on how I wanted love to be and in that I was rejecting everything that was before me, now I am learning to deeply treasure all I have been given and to know that this is everything I need at this current time and it is amazing and I deserve it- that’s a big one to accept.

  28. Interesting list that you used to think love was and I am sure I did too, now I know beyond any doubt that none of those items we thought were love are love, in fact many are the opposite. We all go into relationships with protection, I will love you a little if I don’t get hurt, but the moment we get hurt we close down and protect ourselves further.

  29. What you have shared here Johanna is amazing, “Love is from the heart and the heart is pure and it can never actually get hurt”. This means to me that to be afraid of being hurt by love is impossible! We can only be hurt by emotion!

  30. I have been pondering recently on when I have got hurt and what actually happens. I feel the hurt, it is ‘real’ but it is not who I am although in that moment I have thought it was me because it was what I was actually feeling at that time. To read ‘…the heart is pure and it can never actually get hurt’ is I know obvious and makes absolute sense but it does bring up some resistance in me! Beautiful to feel the resistance and nominate. Thank you Johanna for sharing.

  31. Why when something doesn’t or isn’t working do we try over and over again to have it work in the same way. Love is a great example as the meaning we have in it’s current form just isn’t working for us and yet we put our head down and go back in hoping to have a different result without making a change to the quality we are doing it in. This article breaks things open and allows us to choose another quality in love and from this trust that how we are with ourselves in love will then translate out into all else.

  32. ‘Feeling the quality of the movement in my body and the care in the voice,’ the quality of my movements and my voice are a great indicator of way I have been living to that point. When I am connected to myself and the love that I am it feels horrible to speak with a harsh voice. The quality of my voice is changing the more aware I am of it and there is so much less strain on my body when I speak this way.

  33. We hold misinterpretations about love as well as demands as to how we want it when we have walked away from loving ourselves. It is only through loving ourselves first that we can then offer the real deal of love to another. A love that does not pander, feed on emotional needs and woes (none of that is love), but that simply offers the inspiration and understanding for another to feel the unending depths of their own love as well.

  34. It’s wonderful to finally be reminded all that we have always innately known, but didn’t realise we knew because we’ve been so clouded by the ideals and pictures of love that have surrounded us and had us believing in. It makes sense that the movies and the stories aren’t real, because nothing ever quite added up. It’s like according to those stories, we are nothing without a partner or someone to love us. How insane is that? What about the very fact that we are all equally enough just as we are?! Feels truer to me.

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