Recently I have been feeling how I don’t often see myself as a Son of God or feel that I have a strong connection to God or to Religion in the true sense of the word.
During the recent August full moon and I decided to take a walk. At the start of my walk my mind was full of doubts – is it the full moon tonight or have I got it wrong? But after a while I decided that the number of times I consciously take time out of my day to do something to connect to myself are very few, and even fewer are the times when I connect to the fact I am a son of God, so I wasn’t going to spoil it by spending the whole walk worrying.
As I walked I felt my body, I saw the beauty of the nature around me and felt the constant conversation there is to be had between myself and God, if I only allowed myself to feel it. I looked at how I had been living up to that moment and the choices I have been making to hold back my own connection. But I did it with no judgment and was able to look past those choices and see and feel the fact that I am a Son of God.
As this inner conversation was occurring it started to lightly rain and I had gone out with only a jumper and scarf, but no jacket. I was considering turning back when something told me to enter one of the fields beside the road and climb the hill and find shelter under the trees there. As the rain fell harder I ran up the hill, making it to the top, and as I turned around and tried to catch my breath, I was blown away by the view. Brilliant blue sky speckled with white and grey clouds, green rolling hills and there, right in front of me, the most beautiful rainbow.
I smiled to myself and couldn’t help but be filled with joy. I know in my heart I was receiving a message from God. He never doubted my connection and He was reminding me of that.
I stood there for several minutes taking in the view and the small miracle that had unfolded before me. The rain stopped and the sun shone forth and in my heart I felt the eternal love of God, my Father.
As I walked back down the hill to go home the rainbow faded, but the knowing in me that I had just shared a moment with God on top of that hill didn’t. I realised that so long as I am willing to listen and willing to talk, He will always be there to hear me and guide me.
I got home and felt to sit down and write a blog about my walk but once it had been written I started to have doubts creep in. Maybe what I felt wasn’t true, maybe I wouldn’t publish the blog but just leave it on my computer. I then went on another walk, this time to exercise my dogs, and as I stepped out the door and looked up with these doubts still circulating my mind, I saw another rainbow – faint, but there. I smiled and continued my walk, but I hadn’t gone far when the inner critic piped up again and my self-doubt was once more weighing me down.
As I rounded the last house and entered the country lane I had already walked down not half an hour before, I was looking straight at the brightest, most perfect high definition rainbow ever: the colours were so crisp and arched into a bright white puffy cloud – it looked like a postcard or biblical scene. I laughed out loud and anyone watching would have thought I was bonkers. But I didn’t care, because God wasn’t letting me get away with my self-doubt.
At every turn I was being presented with how amazing I am and the fact I do not walk alone.
I made my way back to the hill where I saw the first rainbow and stood there for some time listening to the birds and just enjoying life. Through the dark rain clouds that had gathered, the sun burst forth and shone brighter than the midday sun even though it was gone 7pm. The field was lit up like it was under a spotlight and it was – it was my spotlight. I can’t describe how amazing it was in the midst of a dark overcast evening to stand in blazing sunlight. And in that moment all the feelings I have had recently – feeling lonely and thinking a relationship with a man is the quick fix I need to fill my emptiness – melted away, and I have never felt so content on my own, with no hint of needing anything else. Take that, self-doubt!!
I walked home with a massive grin mainly on the inside and a steady feeling of love in my body and the feeling of God walking beside me.
I came home and made myself the most loving supper I have ever had, then sat down to expand on my blog. It was a night to remember.
I have been deeply inspired by the work of Universal Medicine and eternal love of Serge Benhayon, his family, and many amazing Esoteric practitioners, in whose presence, I feel and know I am a Son of God.
By Rebecca, 17, UK