Exposing Ideals and Beliefs: Discovering Deep Tenderness

When I look back at the ideals and beliefs I have grown up with, I have to shake my head; it is just not true that males are strong, brave and seem to be a lot less tender-hearted than females. Some may not show it, but men are naturally and deeply tender, which is what I recently discovered during an esoteric bodywork session.

I falsely believed that to be successful means working really hard and doing whatever needs to be done, regardless of my physicality and how tired I, or anyone else, might be. I would always push through to get everything finished.

When I look back at how I have lived, I know I have been so very hard on myself and it is only now, as I begin to feel what tenderness truly is, that I can see how I really have not been tender with myself. I never considered that I deserved to care for myself with the same preciousness as a new-born baby, but this is exactly what I needed to allow for myself.

‘Time’ is something I have always fought all my life, since there never seemed enough of it to complete all the things I needed to do.

Over the last few years, I have realised the punishment my body has taken by the disregard and lack of love I have shown it. I never considered for one moment going to bed when I was tired – I would simply push on to get the job done. I would go to bed late, wake exhausted and start all over again, living on sugar and caffeine to get through the day.

What a completely crazy way to live when you stop and really look at it.

This has changed, slowly, oh so slowly, over the last few years with early nights to rest my body effectively.

The first step was to let go of the drive, which pushed me to finish every job within unrealistic time-frames. This didn’t mean working less, it simply meant that I no longer placed undue pressure on myself to complete a task in an unnecessary rush, or without being aware of how my body was feeling.

In addition, I began to develop an understanding of what actually supports me and my body and what allows me to be energised and have true well-being. Particularly, I have improved my nutrition to build my body from the inside out, reducing the need for caffeine until I now have no need for it at all.

However, this week came the earth-shattering experience that broke the mold on a few more beliefs I held firmly in my body. I had a session with Curtis Benhayon, a practitioner of Universal Medicine Modalities and, in particular, Esoteric Body Work.

In the session with Curtis I experienced:

  • How a man can be deeply tender and, in this case, more tender than most of the women I know, and this includes myself!
  • How deeply honouring and respectful a healing session can be
  • A level of openness and connecting with a love and stillness so deep, my awareness of what love truly is has been changed forever
  • Being offered the space to feel everything going on in my body, including the initial tension at being offered such deep tenderness
  • Complete acceptance by another of all that I am
  • A clarity of truth in response to my questions which I have rarely seen.

This session was a turning point in my life.

The change in my posture and how my body moved after the session was incredible to feel.

After the session I went for a walk and it was beautiful to feel how my spine seemed to have lengthened, my whole body had opened up and every part of me felt alive.

Once or twice during my walk I felt the old movement return and it seemed that walking in this old way brought a real tension to my muscles and a discomfort came with that tension. Choosing this new, more balanced walk felt so supportive of my physical frame. I now have this as a conscious choice to make with every step I take.

Within this new walking posture I have found a re-awakened understanding and I know the depth of tenderness, honouring, clarity, love and wisdom we all can live ­– it is simply an ongoing choice.

Deep appreciation to Curtis Benhayon and to Universal Medicine.

By Judy Young, Healthcare Clerical Assistant, Oxfordshire, UK

Further Reading:
Men – Are we set up to fail?
Mowing the Lawn – With Tenderness
Esoteric Healing: Coming back to Me

1,005 thoughts on “Exposing Ideals and Beliefs: Discovering Deep Tenderness

  1. Reconfiguring the information that resides in my body and allowing love, which implies care and respect lived whithin me, is being a process that is taking its time too. The magic of this is that it’s not an instant change, but a shift that is increasingly felt when I hold steadily and consistently my commitment with my self care.

  2. Through the tenderness that men natural are, I have reconnected to my own which had been buried so deeply beneath pushing through being the one everyone could rely on for support without giving myself any support.

    1. This is very common in women isn’t it? We are so busy with everyone else and forget about ourselves, but why are we choosing this pattern? For me it had to do with a lack of self love and I would do nearly everything to get recognition for my ‘doing good’.

  3. Such a deeply beautiful sharing Judy, thank-you. And particularly profound in that not only are you so inspired by the lived way of another, but that Curtis and yourself could work together in the session, that your body could embrace such a deep change.
    How blessed we are, to have such true physicians (in the ancient Greek sense) amongst us…

  4. Curtis is a great inspiration to me, to see how he has changed over the years and to see a man express such a deep level of tenderness is so gorgeous, when you are met with this it just allows you to drop and you felt met and held in an amazing level of love. This then supports me to see that underneath all of our external behaviours and patterns, we are all this too.

  5. We as women are indeed punishing ouselves by going into doing and making our lives about time and what we can achieve instead of feeling our innate grace and tenderness and choose this quality in what we do. We can learn a lot from men who have chosen to live their tenderness and inspire us women to let go of hardness and drive and choose love for ourselves.

  6. I have also found my walking posture has reconfigured over the last month and I am now aware that my steps are far lighter and gliding with an ease and flow that feels very spacious and freeing. I am now making a conscious choice to keep checking in with my body throughout the day to deepen the quality of my connection and inner rhythm.

  7. When you are out womaned by a man, its a wake up call. There are two parts to it, the first being the fact that you are not living the sacredness that you are innately born with is brought to your attention and the second part is how a man that lives in true balance of both masculine and feminine actually invites you to live both parts equally.

  8. When we are met with the true tenderness of a man as with Curtis, it is heart melting bringing us back to the tenderness that we all hold innately within us, I am looking forward to my sessions with Curtis thank you Judy for a beautiful sharing.

  9. “I have found a re-awakened understanding and I know the depth of tenderness, honouring, clarity, love and wisdom we all can live ­– it is simply an ongoing choice.” Curtis Benhayon is such a beautiful tender man and I have noticed with him and with some other practitioners that they treat me with far more tenderness and even love than I have done for myself. A true wake-up call.

  10. In connecting more consistently with the deep tenderness within myself I understand now how much this quality is an innate part of us, it is only squashed down when we separate from ourselves and harden in reaction and protection.

  11. I too have never experienced such tenderness, love, care in a young man before I met Curtis Benhayon. Every time I have a session from him I get blown away by the level of deep honoring he has for women and men equally and this inspires this same in me.

  12. Being inspired to be honest about the way in which I was living exposed the ideals and beliefs I had taken on and accepted as part of me and the more I built a deeper awareness and moved more gently with my body the more I felt the true tenderness within me naturally start to come out.

  13. When I pushed my body to get things done I felt very drained at the end of the day, being so hard on myself was reflected in how my body and my movements were all becoming harder and harder too. In holding a belief as more important than feeling my body I was overriding how my body was communicating to be more gentle and tender with myself.

  14. Understanding and appreciating that my innate quality as a man is tenderness has been a life changing revelation. When first introduced to this idea it seemed an anathema to the ideals, beliefs and physical ways of being that are the social norms and which I had endeavoured to develop but it resonated so strongly with me. Learning to de-configure those ideals, beliefs and physical actions is an ongoing process but the more I do the more I feel me and the more I feel a true man.

  15. This is a beautiful sharing Judy. It is very touching to be in the presence of a man such as Curtis who lives and walks with deep tenderness and is very honouring of himself, having a session with him is deeply healing and always inspires me to be more tender and loving in the way I move and express.

  16. So many great points Judy. Our choices, how we look after ourselves everyday and the rush or ease with which we move, accumulate to build either illness or a great quality of life. It is both empowering and humbling to understand that we are all equipped to simply be and live all that we are capable of and there is actually no excuse not to.

  17. Beautifully shared Judy. It has been quite a revelation to discover how our freely our bodies move when they move with the quality of tenderness. It has been through developing a loving relationship with my body that I realised that the love I am within is what guides me to live in a way that honors who I naturally am in essence. I now feel a far greater sense of power and knowing by allowing myself to be moved by the love and tenderness I am, rather that the drive I once allowed to rule my movements which only lead me to feel exhausted and still feeling unfulfilled.

  18. Challenging our ideals and beliefs exposes so many ways that we have been hard on ourselves and allows us to alter our movements to be more supportive.

  19. Tuning in with how our body is feeling is something we can keep bringing ourselves back to – it gives us a truly harmonious guide on how to do things and what needs doing in the most harmonious way possible for all.

  20. As women in pushing ourselves to be rough and do it all not only are we causing immense pain and hurt to ourselves by disregarding our delicate and tender selves, we are also not allowing space for men to express their own exquisite tenderness.

  21. A beautiful sharing Judith, such an honour to a true practitioner and also to yourself equally. Amazing how one hour can change our lives forever and in such a deeply profound way.

  22. Feeling space in your body and feeling the clarity of everything around you is actually amazing. I experience this often when I have esoteric healing sessions….and I can now even feel it on a daily basis, if I choose to. There are definitely times I don’t want to feel it all, and then I have numerous tactics to make sure I block it all out. But the problem with that is that it’s always there. So accepting life for what and how it is, is definitely a simpler way to go.

  23. It felt very freeing to expose the belief that working hard and pushing my body was the only way to get things done. I have since found that the more tender and nurturing I am with my body the more spacious it feels, building a deeper quality of presence to move in a way that feels far more harmonious and with a flow that allows the body to lead the way under its own natural rhythm.

  24. We only give power to beliefs when we separate from ourselves and go into our head that gives us the thoughts that we are lacking in some way or need to aspire to become something taking us further away from connecting with our true qualities and our inner knowing.

  25. When we connect to our true qualities all the so-called ‘true’ qualities are easily exposed as the false imposters that they are.

  26. It’s staggering how many ideals and beliefs are pulling the strings in our everyday life, and for the majority of us, we are unaware of how influential they are or if we even need to question them.

  27. Great to highlight Judy how with a deepening awareness we are able to choose to move in a way that is tender, caring, supportive and truly energising for our body, freeing ourselves from the ideals and beliefs that reconfigure our posture in a way that separates us further from ourselves and knowing who we are in truth.

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