Exposing Ideals and Beliefs: Discovering Deep Tenderness

When I look back at the ideals and beliefs I have grown up with, I have to shake my head; it is just not true that males are strong, brave and seem to be a lot less tender-hearted than females. Some may not show it, but men are naturally and deeply tender, which is what I recently discovered during an esoteric bodywork session.

I falsely believed that to be successful means working really hard and doing whatever needs to be done, regardless of my physicality and how tired I, or anyone else, might be. I would always push through to get everything finished.

When I look back at how I have lived, I know I have been so very hard on myself and it is only now, as I begin to feel what tenderness truly is, that I can see how I really have not been tender with myself. I never considered that I deserved to care for myself with the same preciousness as a new-born baby, but this is exactly what I needed to allow for myself.

‘Time’ is something I have always fought all my life, since there never seemed enough of it to complete all the things I needed to do.

Over the last few years, I have realised the punishment my body has taken by the disregard and lack of love I have shown it. I never considered for one moment going to bed when I was tired – I would simply push on to get the job done. I would go to bed late, wake exhausted and start all over again, living on sugar and caffeine to get through the day.

What a completely crazy way to live when you stop and really look at it.

This has changed, slowly, oh so slowly, over the last few years with early nights to rest my body effectively.

The first step was to let go of the drive, which pushed me to finish every job within unrealistic time-frames. This didn’t mean working less, it simply meant that I no longer placed undue pressure on myself to complete a task in an unnecessary rush, or without being aware of how my body was feeling.

In addition, I began to develop an understanding of what actually supports me and my body and what allows me to be energised and have true well-being. Particularly, I have improved my nutrition to build my body from the inside out, reducing the need for caffeine until I now have no need for it at all.

However, this week came the earth-shattering experience that broke the mold on a few more beliefs I held firmly in my body. I had a session with Curtis Benhayon, a practitioner of Universal Medicine Modalities and, in particular, Esoteric Body Work.

In the session with Curtis I experienced:

  • How a man can be deeply tender and, in this case, more tender than most of the women I know, and this includes myself!
  • How deeply honouring and respectful a healing session can be
  • A level of openness and connecting with a love and stillness so deep, my awareness of what love truly is has been changed forever
  • Being offered the space to feel everything going on in my body, including the initial tension at being offered such deep tenderness
  • Complete acceptance by another of all that I am
  • A clarity of truth in response to my questions which I have rarely seen.

This session was a turning point in my life.

The change in my posture and how my body moved after the session was incredible to feel.

After the session I went for a walk and it was beautiful to feel how my spine seemed to have lengthened, my whole body had opened up and every part of me felt alive.

Once or twice during my walk I felt the old movement return and it seemed that walking in this old way brought a real tension to my muscles and a discomfort came with that tension. Choosing this new, more balanced walk felt so supportive of my physical frame. I now have this as a conscious choice to make with every step I take.

Within this new walking posture I have found a re-awakened understanding and I know the depth of tenderness, honouring, clarity, love and wisdom we all can live ­– it is simply an ongoing choice.

Deep appreciation to Curtis Benhayon and to Universal Medicine.

By Judy Young, Healthcare Clerical Assistant, Oxfordshire, UK

Further Reading:
Men – Are we set up to fail?
Mowing the Lawn – With Tenderness
Esoteric Healing: Coming back to Me

1,052 thoughts on “Exposing Ideals and Beliefs: Discovering Deep Tenderness

  1. Curtis Benhayon very lovingly accepts people unconditionally, just entering the clinic room and feeling held this way, and met for who I am, is a huge healing before the bodywork even starts.

  2. I can totally relate to the list you give here Judy of your experieince during a healing session with Curtis Benhayon. He is an exemplary example of a man in his true tenderness. Never, have I experienced being treated with such tenderness from a man who asked nothing of me but simply asked to be and allowed me to be all that I am with the deepest integrity, respect and honouring as part of a healing session and consequently offered me the opportunity to feel that same level of tenderness within myself – something I did not not know even existed within me.

  3. Could it be that in essence we – men and women – already are equal? what if the fight for equality is no longer needed if we all would connect with this inner space of infinite love?

  4. I’m noticing how naturally caring men are. Sometimes I ask my brother for support and observe the level of care and detail which he uses to approach a task. This is something that I’ve never noticed before, but appreciating it brings me to let go all the pictures that I projected onto men in the past and connect deeper with myself, and to realize that the same tenderness, care and deliciousness is in me as well.

  5. Judy, it feels very beautiful to read what you experienced in that session with Curtis Benhayon. Your words are so alive that I can feel the same quality of tenderness inside me, thank you

  6. If we all connected to our innate tenderness and treated each other tenderly much of the hurt and carnage that we see in the world around us today would be able to heal instead of being exacerbated.

  7. Our body hardens when we drive ourselves in the false belief we will achieve far more if we push ourselves beyond our natural limit, riding on the high of what we have come to accept and call success, yet in the hardening it is impossible to connect to and embrace our innate qualities of delicateness and tenderness and hold these as a living way of being.

  8. Tenderness was a word that never entered my vocabulary until I started listening to presentations by Universal Medicine and in sessions with Curtis Benhayon I felt the true meaning of the word.

  9. ‘I know I have been so very hard on myself and it is only now, as I begin to feel what tenderness truly is, that I can see how I really have not been tender with myself. I never considered that I deserved to care for myself with the same preciousness as a new-born baby, but this is exactly what I needed to allow for myself.’ You are writing for all of us here Judy – this strikes a strong chord with me also, as you write, it is that holding ourselves in preciousness that is so important in our day to day life.

  10. Every session I have with Curtis is a turning point of my life and as a result my life and body have totally transformed in the most spectacularly gorgeous way!

  11. Letting go of the drive.. we usually champion being driven as if it’s an important – essential, even- quality to get us through life. The subtle undertone is that if you’re not driven then you won’t be successful, and that being driven is a quality to aspire to. But what if this drive only serves to drive a wedge between who we truly are and an image of what we’re trying to live up to? A wedge between us all as we compete with one another? When we live in a way that we’re connected to what we can feel and don’t override that or dismiss it, there’s no need for pushing and driving. We are capable of doing loads of work in a sustainable way, but only when we’re prepared to take care of our bodies first, and when we let go of the enormous expectations, pictures and pressure that we put on ourselves. No drive, no push. Just flow.

  12. Our body has a natural rhythm that if we adhere to allows the day to flow and we can move almost seamlessly from one thing to the next. If we go into drive we lose that rhythm and the body has to harden to cope with the stress we are now putting on it.

  13. Curtis Benhayon has also shown me what tenderness is possible in the treatment room. Getting off the table from one of his sessions has allowed me to feel such exquisite delicateness in and throughout my body and then expressing in my movements. This has inspired me hugely and I deeply appreciate it.

  14. There are the ideals and beliefs we are consciously aware of and can say that we know about, maybe consider, or are convinced to be true, but then there are the many very subtle unconscious ones we only get to be aware of through experiences where something doesn´t add up the way we unconsciously or consciously expected it to be. In such moments instead of trying to make something work, it is very liberating to dig deep and explore one´s inner world of concepts and pictures that can rise to the surface and surprise us.

    1. I call that pattern matching – an objective observation that something here is not adding up and then the adventure of looking openly and honestly until we find out what is truly going on.

  15. I had the opportunity recently of observing myself on camera, it was great to see and feel the way I moved. As I looked at my posture, I could feel how my neck was stuck out, it showed to me in a way that I had always been looking out of myself to people, also the out there searching was a way of life. I have noticed recently my body wanting to gently pull my head in, which goes along with more of a sense of me, a coming back and a claiming more of who I am. It feels so beautiful and loving after a lifetime of deserting me.

  16. Curtis Benhayon is a phenomenal practitioner. There have been times when his simple and direct language has absolutely stunned me, because he would be so deeply un-judgemental and completely understanding. Unlike any other practitioner I knew, Curtis would simply present me back to myself so I could see the truth of how I had been living – and with this, make what changes I could see needed to happen. My life has completely changed because of these incredible moments with Curtis.

  17. Pushing through to get everything finished we wreck the fine systems of our bodies and end up exhausting ourselves. Why not honour the body when it says rest and accept if not even appreciate our limitations.

  18. Most of us if not all have experienced growing up in the absence of being encouraged to appreciate our preciousness, who we are in essence or being fostered to know that our innate beingness is divine. We are taught how to override our body and our connection to our Soul, to push through life to succeed and survive, and so to abuse ourselves becomes quite normal. Not who we are but falsely accepted as such. However, who we are remains untouched and true in its purity, always waiting for us to reconnect to the precious, tender and sacred qualities of who we naturally are and have always been.

  19. Being in the presence of Curtis Benhayon is a great reflection for both men and women. His gentleness, tenderness and touch are so exquisite that you can’t help but become tender and gentle within yourself.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s