Exposing Ideals and Beliefs: Discovering Deep Tenderness

When I look back at the ideals and beliefs I have grown up with, I have to shake my head; it is just not true that males are strong, brave and seem to be a lot less tender-hearted than females. Some may not show it, but men are naturally and deeply tender, which is what I recently discovered during an esoteric bodywork session.

I falsely believed that to be successful means working really hard and doing whatever needs to be done, regardless of my physicality and how tired I, or anyone else, might be. I would always push through to get everything finished.

When I look back at how I have lived, I know I have been so very hard on myself and it is only now, as I begin to feel what tenderness truly is, that I can see how I really have not been tender with myself. I never considered that I deserved to care for myself with the same preciousness as a new-born baby, but this is exactly what I needed to allow for myself.

‘Time’ is something I have always fought all my life, since there never seemed enough of it to complete all the things I needed to do.

Over the last few years, I have realised the punishment my body has taken by the disregard and lack of love I have shown it. I never considered for one moment going to bed when I was tired – I would simply push on to get the job done. I would go to bed late, wake exhausted and start all over again, living on sugar and caffeine to get through the day.

What a completely crazy way to live when you stop and really look at it.

This has changed, slowly, oh so slowly, over the last few years with early nights to rest my body effectively.

The first step was to let go of the drive, which pushed me to finish every job within unrealistic time-frames. This didn’t mean working less, it simply meant that I no longer placed undue pressure on myself to complete a task in an unnecessary rush, or without being aware of how my body was feeling.

In addition, I began to develop an understanding of what actually supports me and my body and what allows me to be energised and have true well-being. Particularly, I have improved my nutrition to build my body from the inside out, reducing the need for caffeine until I now have no need for it at all.

However, this week came the earth-shattering experience that broke the mold on a few more beliefs I held firmly in my body. I had a session with Curtis Benhayon, a practitioner of Universal Medicine Modalities and, in particular, Esoteric Body Work.

In the session with Curtis I experienced:

  • How a man can be deeply tender and, in this case, more tender than most of the women I know, and this includes myself!
  • How deeply honouring and respectful a healing session can be
  • A level of openness and connecting with a love and stillness so deep, my awareness of what love truly is has been changed forever
  • Being offered the space to feel everything going on in my body, including the initial tension at being offered such deep tenderness
  • Complete acceptance by another of all that I am
  • A clarity of truth in response to my questions which I have rarely seen.

This session was a turning point in my life.

The change in my posture and how my body moved after the session was incredible to feel.

After the session I went for a walk and it was beautiful to feel how my spine seemed to have lengthened, my whole body had opened up and every part of me felt alive.

Once or twice during my walk I felt the old movement return and it seemed that walking in this old way brought a real tension to my muscles and a discomfort came with that tension. Choosing this new, more balanced walk felt so supportive of my physical frame. I now have this as a conscious choice to make with every step I take.

Within this new walking posture I have found a re-awakened understanding and I know the depth of tenderness, honouring, clarity, love and wisdom we all can live ­– it is simply an ongoing choice.

Deep appreciation to Curtis Benhayon and to Universal Medicine.

By Judy Young, Healthcare Clerical Assistant, Oxfordshire, UK

Further Reading:
Men – Are we set up to fail?
Mowing the Lawn – With Tenderness
Esoteric Healing: Coming back to Me

1,063 thoughts on “Exposing Ideals and Beliefs: Discovering Deep Tenderness

  1. The honesty of our bodies is always there and it is up to each of us to learn how to not-deepen the way we numb our bodies and thus go into comparison and jealousy with others and what they are doing. Surrendering our bodies to True-healing allows us to appreciate every aspect of our essences and the ensuing connection we choose to stay in and can then also walk in, as you have shared Judy.

  2. A healing session can really bring a change in our movements & what we register in our session. I remember feeling so open and free in my walk after a healing session with an esoteric practitioner a couple of years ago that I never wanted to go back to my previous walk because it felt so restrictive & closed down. These are sensations we can register in our bodies which are not learned through a book or listening to a presentation, sometimes it may be difficult to describe them with words, but the knowing in the body is certainly there & nothing can shake it.

  3. When we feel tenderness from another it sparks the memory of that tenderness in ourselves, it is truly magical and yet could be our every-day normal if we embrace a body orientated way to live.

    1. Yes, and it is pretty amazing to be able to surrender in a session with somebody who just allows the space for that to happen. To see the tenderness & feel it – very reassuring.

    2. Body orientated ways of living, is definitely a game changer, as we feel so much from our whole body, and appreciation of how we can return to the tenderness, can be assured, by walking and feeling how tender our bodies are.

  4. Today I finished a three part awareness of our wings class with Jane Torvaney. I had not appreciated the finesse of my scapula and how, by becoming so surrendered in my body, I could feel my arms and shoulders, in particular, lighter than I have ever felt. Practitioners like Curtis Benhayon and Jane Torvaney allow us a new way to be that supports the most delicate of movements and lets us feel how precious we truly are. This preciousness is not of the cotton wool variety but a tangible quality that can inform our movements and have us be reborn into something very real and joyful.

  5. The quality of tenderness, delicateness and sacredness Curtis Benhayon brings to every bodywork session inspires me to live that same quality for myself.

  6. Curtis Benhayon very lovingly accepts people unconditionally, just entering the clinic room and feeling held this way, and met for who I am, is a huge healing before the bodywork even starts.

  7. I can totally relate to the list you give here Judy of your experieince during a healing session with Curtis Benhayon. He is an exemplary example of a man in his true tenderness. Never, have I experienced being treated with such tenderness from a man who asked nothing of me but simply asked to be and allowed me to be all that I am with the deepest integrity, respect and honouring as part of a healing session and consequently offered me the opportunity to feel that same level of tenderness within myself – something I did not not know even existed within me.

  8. Could it be that in essence we – men and women – already are equal? what if the fight for equality is no longer needed if we all would connect with this inner space of infinite love?

      1. Melinda I have come to an understanding that you cannot fight the astral plane, that is exactly what they want humanity to do, and they goad us to be in a constant fight with ourselves and others. This is how they feed off our energy. If we surrender back into our bodies we cut off their life force as they do not have their own life force, but sustain themselves via our emotional behaviours.

  9. I’m noticing how naturally caring men are. Sometimes I ask my brother for support and observe the level of care and detail which he uses to approach a task. This is something that I’ve never noticed before, but appreciating it brings me to let go all the pictures that I projected onto men in the past and connect deeper with myself, and to realize that the same tenderness, care and deliciousness is in me as well.

  10. Judy, it feels very beautiful to read what you experienced in that session with Curtis Benhayon. Your words are so alive that I can feel the same quality of tenderness inside me, thank you

  11. If we all connected to our innate tenderness and treated each other tenderly much of the hurt and carnage that we see in the world around us today would be able to heal instead of being exacerbated.

  12. Our body hardens when we drive ourselves in the false belief we will achieve far more if we push ourselves beyond our natural limit, riding on the high of what we have come to accept and call success, yet in the hardening it is impossible to connect to and embrace our innate qualities of delicateness and tenderness and hold these as a living way of being.

    1. Yes it re-defines success. Do I want to be hard and push through my body saying rest, sleep, eat, go to the loo in the name of advancing in life?! It doesn’t sound like much of an advance but that has been my experience of the drive that is called for to stand out and advance in business.

  13. Tenderness was a word that never entered my vocabulary until I started listening to presentations by Universal Medicine and in sessions with Curtis Benhayon I felt the true meaning of the word.

  14. ‘I know I have been so very hard on myself and it is only now, as I begin to feel what tenderness truly is, that I can see how I really have not been tender with myself. I never considered that I deserved to care for myself with the same preciousness as a new-born baby, but this is exactly what I needed to allow for myself.’ You are writing for all of us here Judy – this strikes a strong chord with me also, as you write, it is that holding ourselves in preciousness that is so important in our day to day life.

  15. Every session I have with Curtis is a turning point of my life and as a result my life and body have totally transformed in the most spectacularly gorgeous way!

  16. Letting go of the drive.. we usually champion being driven as if it’s an important – essential, even- quality to get us through life. The subtle undertone is that if you’re not driven then you won’t be successful, and that being driven is a quality to aspire to. But what if this drive only serves to drive a wedge between who we truly are and an image of what we’re trying to live up to? A wedge between us all as we compete with one another? When we live in a way that we’re connected to what we can feel and don’t override that or dismiss it, there’s no need for pushing and driving. We are capable of doing loads of work in a sustainable way, but only when we’re prepared to take care of our bodies first, and when we let go of the enormous expectations, pictures and pressure that we put on ourselves. No drive, no push. Just flow.

    1. Bryony I can relate to what you are sharing as part of the company’s ethos is to be driven, only by driving yourself will you be successful. I have watched how this brings stress and competition to the sales ‘team ‘ which is not a team at all as we try to outdo each other which is a hateful way to be with each other as it feels so destructive in the body. Which shows me that money itself isn’t evil but the people who hanker after it and will climb over each other and crush others to get it have evil passing through them.

  17. Our body has a natural rhythm that if we adhere to allows the day to flow and we can move almost seamlessly from one thing to the next. If we go into drive we lose that rhythm and the body has to harden to cope with the stress we are now putting on it.

  18. Curtis Benhayon has also shown me what tenderness is possible in the treatment room. Getting off the table from one of his sessions has allowed me to feel such exquisite delicateness in and throughout my body and then expressing in my movements. This has inspired me hugely and I deeply appreciate it.

  19. There are the ideals and beliefs we are consciously aware of and can say that we know about, maybe consider, or are convinced to be true, but then there are the many very subtle unconscious ones we only get to be aware of through experiences where something doesn´t add up the way we unconsciously or consciously expected it to be. In such moments instead of trying to make something work, it is very liberating to dig deep and explore one´s inner world of concepts and pictures that can rise to the surface and surprise us.

    1. I call that pattern matching – an objective observation that something here is not adding up and then the adventure of looking openly and honestly until we find out what is truly going on.

      1. Nicola I love what you are saying here, because we do not give ourselves the opportunity to try something different we are so ingrained in our patterns of behaviours. We are like Hamsters on a wheel. So to look at life differently stepping back so we can see that there is a whole different way of living and to look at this way of life as an adventure to have fun with a new way of being, brings so much joy to the day it’s a completely different way to live.

  20. I had the opportunity recently of observing myself on camera, it was great to see and feel the way I moved. As I looked at my posture, I could feel how my neck was stuck out, it showed to me in a way that I had always been looking out of myself to people, also the out there searching was a way of life. I have noticed recently my body wanting to gently pull my head in, which goes along with more of a sense of me, a coming back and a claiming more of who I am. It feels so beautiful and loving after a lifetime of deserting me.

      1. Lucy is it that we choose not to see or that we are completely numb to a situation until someone comes along and brings to our attention that maybe what we thought was true was actually a false way of being. I had this experience recently where it was suggested that we lie, that we are brought up to lie to ourselves and each other, that we have built a reality on lies. This suggestion was unpicked further so that it was plain to understand that we do indeed lie constantly, we have to if we want to keep our false reality a reality.

  21. Curtis Benhayon is a phenomenal practitioner. There have been times when his simple and direct language has absolutely stunned me, because he would be so deeply un-judgemental and completely understanding. Unlike any other practitioner I knew, Curtis would simply present me back to myself so I could see the truth of how I had been living – and with this, make what changes I could see needed to happen. My life has completely changed because of these incredible moments with Curtis.

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