Exposing Ideals and Beliefs: Discovering Deep Tenderness

When I look back at the ideals and beliefs I have grown up with, I have to shake my head; it is just not true that males are strong, brave and seem to be a lot less tender-hearted than females. Some may not show it, but men are naturally and deeply tender, which is what I recently discovered during an esoteric bodywork session.

I falsely believed that to be successful means working really hard and doing whatever needs to be done, regardless of my physicality and how tired I, or anyone else, might be. I would always push through to get everything finished.

When I look back at how I have lived, I know I have been so very hard on myself and it is only now, as I begin to feel what tenderness truly is, that I can see how I really have not been tender with myself. I never considered that I deserved to care for myself with the same preciousness as a new-born baby, but this is exactly what I needed to allow for myself.

‘Time’ is something I have always fought all my life, since there never seemed enough of it to complete all the things I needed to do.

Over the last few years, I have realised the punishment my body has taken by the disregard and lack of love I have shown it. I never considered for one moment going to bed when I was tired – I would simply push on to get the job done. I would go to bed late, wake exhausted and start all over again, living on sugar and caffeine to get through the day.

What a completely crazy way to live when you stop and really look at it.

This has changed, slowly, oh so slowly, over the last few years with early nights to rest my body effectively.

The first step was to let go of the drive, which pushed me to finish every job within unrealistic time-frames. This didn’t mean working less, it simply meant that I no longer placed undue pressure on myself to complete a task in an unnecessary rush, or without being aware of how my body was feeling.

In addition, I began to develop an understanding of what actually supports me and my body and what allows me to be energised and have true well-being. Particularly, I have improved my nutrition to build my body from the inside out, reducing the need for caffeine until I now have no need for it at all.

However, this week came the earth-shattering experience that broke the mold on a few more beliefs I held firmly in my body. I had a session with Curtis Benhayon, a practitioner of Universal Medicine Modalities and, in particular, Esoteric Body Work.

In the session with Curtis I experienced:

  • How a man can be deeply tender and, in this case, more tender than most of the women I know, and this includes myself!
  • How deeply honouring and respectful a healing session can be
  • A level of openness and connecting with a love and stillness so deep, my awareness of what love truly is has been changed forever
  • Being offered the space to feel everything going on in my body, including the initial tension at being offered such deep tenderness
  • Complete acceptance by another of all that I am
  • A clarity of truth in response to my questions which I have rarely seen.

This session was a turning point in my life.

The change in my posture and how my body moved after the session was incredible to feel.

After the session I went for a walk and it was beautiful to feel how my spine seemed to have lengthened, my whole body had opened up and every part of me felt alive.

Once or twice during my walk I felt the old movement return and it seemed that walking in this old way brought a real tension to my muscles and a discomfort came with that tension. Choosing this new, more balanced walk felt so supportive of my physical frame. I now have this as a conscious choice to make with every step I take.

Within this new walking posture I have found a re-awakened understanding and I know the depth of tenderness, honouring, clarity, love and wisdom we all can live ­– it is simply an ongoing choice.

Deep appreciation to Curtis Benhayon and to Universal Medicine.

By Judy Young, Healthcare Clerical Assistant, Oxfordshire, UK

Further Reading:
Men – Are we set up to fail?
Mowing the Lawn – With Tenderness
Esoteric Healing: Coming back to Me

981 thoughts on “Exposing Ideals and Beliefs: Discovering Deep Tenderness

  1. Reconfiguring the information that resides in my body and allowing love, which implies care and respect lived whithin me, is being a process that is taking its time too. The magic of this is that it’s not an instant change, but a shift that is increasingly felt when I hold steadily and consistently my commitment with my self care.

  2. Through the tenderness that men natural are, I have reconnected to my own which had been buried so deeply beneath pushing through being the one everyone could rely on for support without giving myself any support.

    1. This is very common in women isn’t it? We are so busy with everyone else and forget about ourselves, but why are we choosing this pattern? For me it had to do with a lack of self love and I would do nearly everything to get recognition for my ‘doing good’.

  3. Such a deeply beautiful sharing Judy, thank-you. And particularly profound in that not only are you so inspired by the lived way of another, but that Curtis and yourself could work together in the session, that your body could embrace such a deep change.
    How blessed we are, to have such true physicians (in the ancient Greek sense) amongst us…

  4. Curtis is a great inspiration to me, to see how he has changed over the years and to see a man express such a deep level of tenderness is so gorgeous, when you are met with this it just allows you to drop and you felt met and held in an amazing level of love. This then supports me to see that underneath all of our external behaviours and patterns, we are all this too.

  5. We as women are indeed punishing ouselves by going into doing and making our lives about time and what we can achieve instead of feeling our innate grace and tenderness and choose this quality in what we do. We can learn a lot from men who have chosen to live their tenderness and inspire us women to let go of hardness and drive and choose love for ourselves.

  6. I have also found my walking posture has reconfigured over the last month and I am now aware that my steps are far lighter and gliding with an ease and flow that feels very spacious and freeing. I am now making a conscious choice to keep checking in with my body throughout the day to deepen the quality of my connection and inner rhythm.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s