Exposing Ideals and Beliefs: Discovering Deep Tenderness

When I look back at the ideals and beliefs I have grown up with, I have to shake my head; it is just not true that males are strong, brave and seem to be a lot less tender-hearted than females. Some may not show it, but men are naturally and deeply tender, which is what I recently discovered during an esoteric bodywork session.

I falsely believed that to be successful means working really hard and doing whatever needs to be done, regardless of my physicality and how tired I, or anyone else, might be. I would always push through to get everything finished.

When I look back at how I have lived, I know I have been so very hard on myself and it is only now, as I begin to feel what tenderness truly is, that I can see how I really have not been tender with myself. I never considered that I deserved to care for myself with the same preciousness as a new-born baby, but this is exactly what I needed to allow for myself.

‘Time’ is something I have always fought all my life, since there never seemed enough of it to complete all the things I needed to do.

Over the last few years, I have realised the punishment my body has taken by the disregard and lack of love I have shown it. I never considered for one moment going to bed when I was tired – I would simply push on to get the job done. I would go to bed late, wake exhausted and start all over again, living on sugar and caffeine to get through the day.

What a completely crazy way to live when you stop and really look at it.

This has changed, slowly, oh so slowly, over the last few years with early nights to rest my body effectively.

The first step was to let go of the drive, which pushed me to finish every job within unrealistic time-frames. This didn’t mean working less, it simply meant that I no longer placed undue pressure on myself to complete a task in an unnecessary rush, or without being aware of how my body was feeling.

In addition, I began to develop an understanding of what actually supports me and my body and what allows me to be energised and have true well-being. Particularly, I have improved my nutrition to build my body from the inside out, reducing the need for caffeine until I now have no need for it at all.

However, this week came the earth-shattering experience that broke the mold on a few more beliefs I held firmly in my body. I had a session with Curtis Benhayon, a practitioner of Universal Medicine Modalities and, in particular, Esoteric Body Work.

In the session with Curtis I experienced:

  • How a man can be deeply tender and, in this case, more tender than most of the women I know, and this includes myself!
  • How deeply honouring and respectful a healing session can be
  • A level of openness and connecting with a love and stillness so deep, my awareness of what love truly is has been changed forever
  • Being offered the space to feel everything going on in my body, including the initial tension at being offered such deep tenderness
  • Complete acceptance by another of all that I am
  • A clarity of truth in response to my questions which I have rarely seen.

This session was a turning point in my life.

The change in my posture and how my body moved after the session was incredible to feel.

After the session I went for a walk and it was beautiful to feel how my spine seemed to have lengthened, my whole body had opened up and every part of me felt alive.

Once or twice during my walk I felt the old movement return and it seemed that walking in this old way brought a real tension to my muscles and a discomfort came with that tension. Choosing this new, more balanced walk felt so supportive of my physical frame. I now have this as a conscious choice to make with every step I take.

Within this new walking posture I have found a re-awakened understanding and I know the depth of tenderness, honouring, clarity, love and wisdom we all can live ­– it is simply an ongoing choice.

Deep appreciation to Curtis Benhayon and to Universal Medicine.

By Judy Young, Healthcare Clerical Assistant, Oxfordshire, UK

Further Reading:
Men – Are we set up to fail?
Mowing the Lawn – With Tenderness
Esoteric Healing: Coming back to Me

1,045 thoughts on “Exposing Ideals and Beliefs: Discovering Deep Tenderness

  1. Letting go of the drive.. we usually champion being driven as if it’s an important – essential, even- quality to get us through life. The subtle undertone is that if you’re not driven then you won’t be successful, and that being driven is a quality to aspire to. But what if this drive only serves to drive a wedge between who we truly are and an image of what we’re trying to live up to? A wedge between us all as we compete with one another? When we live in a way that we’re connected to what we can feel and don’t override that or dismiss it, there’s no need for pushing and driving. We are capable of doing loads of work in a sustainable way, but only when we’re prepared to take care of our bodies first, and when we let go of the enormous expectations, pictures and pressure that we put on ourselves. No drive, no push. Just flow.

  2. Our body has a natural rhythm that if we adhere to allows the day to flow and we can move almost seamlessly from one thing to the next. If we go into drive we lose that rhythm and the body has to harden to cope with the stress we are now putting on it.

  3. Curtis Benhayon has also shown me what tenderness is possible in the treatment room. Getting off the table from one of his sessions has allowed me to feel such exquisite delicateness in and throughout my body and then expressing in my movements. This has inspired me hugely and I deeply appreciate it.

  4. There are the ideals and beliefs we are consciously aware of and can say that we know about, maybe consider, or are convinced to be true, but then there are the many very subtle unconscious ones we only get to be aware of through experiences where something doesn´t add up the way we unconsciously or consciously expected it to be. In such moments instead of trying to make something work, it is very liberating to dig deep and explore one´s inner world of concepts and pictures that can rise to the surface and surprise us.

  5. I had the opportunity recently of observing myself on camera, it was great to see and feel the way I moved. As I looked at my posture, I could feel how my neck was stuck out, it showed to me in a way that I had always been looking out of myself to people, also the out there searching was a way of life. I have noticed recently my body wanting to gently pull my head in, which goes along with more of a sense of me, a coming back and a claiming more of who I am. It feels so beautiful and loving after a lifetime of deserting me.

  6. Curtis Benhayon is a phenomenal practitioner. There have been times when his simple and direct language has absolutely stunned me, because he would be so deeply un-judgemental and completely understanding. Unlike any other practitioner I knew, Curtis would simply present me back to myself so I could see the truth of how I had been living – and with this, make what changes I could see needed to happen. My life has completely changed because of these incredible moments with Curtis.

  7. Pushing through to get everything finished we wreck the fine systems of our bodies and end up exhausting ourselves. Why not honour the body when it says rest and accept if not even appreciate our limitations.

  8. Most of us if not all have experienced growing up in the absence of being encouraged to appreciate our preciousness, who we are in essence or being fostered to know that our innate beingness is divine. We are taught how to override our body and our connection to our Soul, to push through life to succeed and survive, and so to abuse ourselves becomes quite normal. Not who we are but falsely accepted as such. However, who we are remains untouched and true in its purity, always waiting for us to reconnect to the precious, tender and sacred qualities of who we naturally are and have always been.

  9. Being in the presence of Curtis Benhayon is a great reflection for both men and women. His gentleness, tenderness and touch are so exquisite that you can’t help but become tender and gentle within yourself.

  10. To connect with the level of tenderness that you share Judy is life changing. As a man discovering through my connection with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon that tenderness is not a weakness and instead is actually a strength has, and is, truly liberating.

  11. Allowing yourself to feel completely accepted by another for all that you are really got me to contemplate, how at ease am I with this for myself? Definitely not a 100%. Why not? Well, I’d say because I get to feel my essence and how away from it I live. But this is great! I know who I am and what isn’t in keeping, so can make loving changes, seeing where I may resist and look to explore this further.

  12. How beautiful and true this is: Within this new walking posture I have found a re-awakened understanding and I know the depth of tenderness, honouring, clarity, love and wisdom we all can live – it is simply an ongoing choice.

  13. ‘The first step was to let go of the drive, which pushed me to finish every job within unrealistic time-frames.’ Spot on Judy, too many people think drive is a normal way to be, letting go of this we invite ourselves to experience a different way to move everyday with a connection to ourselves and our tenderness.

  14. When we develop a new marker as how life can be, which in your case Judy was how we can walk differently after releasing tensions and issues from our body, anything that is not this new way is very quickly exposed. I have come to be amazed at the power of the old configurations in my body and the resistance there often is to a new way of moving, but once exposed the process of dismantling them and then choosing to move in a more loving way is so worth the choice and the commitment.

    1. Yes very true Ingrid – interesting to observe that once we do reconnect to our true way of beingness, love, that the way of living that we had ‘thought’ was giving us freedom is exposed as a falsehood and rather as an incarceration and a diminishing and what moving with true freedom means; aka being moved by love.

      1. I have discovered since committing to make the choice to move in the most loving way possible that any time I don’t the difference in how I feel is so huge that it usually stops me in my tracks quite quickly. This marked difference simply shows me how I spent so much of my life not “moving with true freedom” but in a way that has been so very harmful to my body as well as to all those around me.

  15. It’s lovely isn’t it to return to the tenderness, to realise we can treat ourselves with the same preciousness as we would a baby. Through Esoteric Yoga sessions and also practicing Sacred Movement at home I continually return to the true essence of myself and feel that same tenderness. Breaking down the patterns and ways of being and moving that are contra to the tenderness can take time, but it’s so worth it to live from the essence of who we naturally are.

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