My first impression of Serge Benhayon has never changed since I met him about ten years ago. I felt the great love and care he had for me and everyone around him, equally so.
At that time, I was really struggling in life. I had almost given up on therapy – I’d tried Primal Scream Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and general counselling. I remember a psychiatrist assessing me at one point and asking why was I being assessed: was it to determine if I was crazy or not? At one point I even had my own Community Psychiatric Nurse assigned to me. I didn’t know what other avenues to pursue to overcome a general feeling of daily depression and futility.
I was still trying to achieve what I felt the world was telling me would deliver me happiness: a career, a loving relationship, a family, and the perfect body and to be really fit. A personal ambition of mine was to be a really impressive surfer.
Deep down, I knew that achieving any number of these things wouldn’t fulfil me, but I still clung to the possibility that achieving them would. I’d already discovered living in the most beautiful place in the world hadn’t brought me any happiness as I just cried for days on end. I’d also completed my degree but this also didn’t give me a well-paid job, as I was told it would. I was in a desperate state but didn’t want to admit it.
I kept on distracting myself with trying to achieve perfection in myself and my life and anytime I came close, I put a spanner in the works to start all over again.
I was very lost, really struggling, but trying at all costs to cover up this fact. I was still going out drinking, smoking weed, but had given up other drugs. I was super skinny and had an eating disorder that was all consuming – I thought about little else but food. I couldn’t string a sentence together and was really jumbled in what I said. I was dyslexic and awkward with people because I felt a great sense of worthlessness, at the same time as feeling very arrogant in that I knew better than other people.
I struggled to connect with people and kept myself hidden. I took on jobs that involved lots of time alone. Although very conscientious to never put a foot wrong and to prove myself an excellent worker, I didn’t like working alongside managers because I had issues with authority. I had a few friends but was aware of how needy I was, so I wasn’t very sociable as I didn’t want to expose how desperate I was for company. I was very lonely even though I was in a relationship – which wasn’t the most loving, albeit very conventional.
Meeting Serge Benhayon for the First Time
When I met Serge Benhayon for the first time, I was a mess… incredibly insecure and defensive. I was in a constant state of frustration, knowing there was more to me than this protective facade I was living, but unable to unlock and express who I was.
When I met Serge I felt instantly that he knew who I truly was. I felt he saw my true worth and that all the walls I’d put around myself were paper-thin. I felt I was loved and accepted unconditionally without having to do a thing.
All the crazy things I berated myself for each day didn’t matter… I was seen and met for the first time ever. I could feel he knew my true worth way more than I ever did.
I remember wearing a white dove and him saying something about it being a symbol of coming home and that’s what this meeting felt like – I was coming home to me and to what I always knew was true. Over the years I have dragged my heels in coming home. I’ve not wanted to admit the extent of the harm of the activities I’ve put a lot of energy into that had harmed me or others. I’ve kept a belief that I was beyond redemption and this was accompanied by an immense guilt.
Knowing Serge Benhayon has Changed my Life
Serge Benhayon has been a constant reflection of my worth, regardless of how I have lived. The love and respect he has shown me has never, ever faltered over the years I have known him, no matter how much I myself have. Seeing how he is deeply caring and loving with everyone he meets has helped me to trust in love again and begin to trust and love myself.
I have made major changes in my life. I know I’ll never drink or take any drugs again, I don’t drink caffeine because I feel its effects and I don’t over-exercise or do things I feel ill after, like surfing in heavy seas.
I no longer feel the world owes me, but that I actually have a quality I can give back to humanity by sharing and expressing. This is amazing in itself as I used to steal anything I could from department stores as a late teen… yes, I am still working on accepting this but can understand how angry and addicted to excitement I was at the time. I was desperate to feel alive.
Feeling my beauty reflected back to me from my interactions with Serge, and being totally honoured and respected, has allowed me to consider and experience my beauty as being on the inside and not on being what is deemed physically attractive. I’ve been able to re-connect to being a woman and respecting that for myself. I’ve understood relationships between men and woman can be deeply honouring of each other so I’ve said ‘No’ to abusive relationships.
I am starting to build a relationship with myself that isn’t wholly self-critical and judgemental. I’ve started to be more tender with how I am with myself and treat myself lovingly.
I may well be slow on the uptake in this regard, but I was horrid to myself – a constant torrent of ‘should be better’ and ‘not good enough’ – now I’m letting go of these beliefs, knowing I am lovely just for being me. I’m learning how to express in the world and be responsible, and not a victim or subservient. I’m finally tackling how I self-sabotaged myself with food and checking-out from the world. I am beginning to trust what I feel and put it into loving action where required.
I never feel lonely now, which is amazing. I have a completely different attitude to work; I’m there to do all that I can to support people, even if this means saying things I know they may not want to hear. I love meeting new people and am very at ease with people – I often chat and joke in supermarket queues etc. I also like my own company and going for walks by myself, but not to escape the world.
All this because I met a man called Serge Benhayon who reflected back to me how amazing I am. All this because I saw him reflect back to everyone how amazing we all are and in that I learned we are all equal – I am no less and no more than another, I do not need to do anything to gain favour, and I know that we all bring something uniquely golden to the table that no other can.
Competition is pointless, and appreciation of oneself and others is key if we are to come together to make living joyful, meaningful and fun. My first impression of Serge Benhayon has never changed, but my life certainly has!
By K.B. (UK)
|Serge Benhayon is an author and presenter and the founder of Universal Medicine. You can learn more about Serge Benhayon at his personal website www.sergebenhayon.com|