Recently when I was visiting the UK I had an experience I’d like to share with you. It was one of those moments where I could have felt that I made a mistake and I could have easily been hard on myself about it, but instead I had such awesome support from the people around me that it didn’t feel like a mistake at all but rather a moment to learn and grow from.
The Story…
I was visiting a little town in England called Frome, in the county of Somerset, southwest from London. I was there to attend an Esoteric Yoga Course presented by the awesome complementary medicine wonder of a company called Universal Medicine… and yes, they are that awesome. On the premises where I stayed there are different levels of accommodations on offer, some providing a space to be able to cook for yourself. I chose to stay where I didn’t have that much of a possibility to cook, but where the beds and the sleep provided is pure heaven so my choice fell in favour of that. So when it came to the food bit I had to fulfil that need someplace else. So… I decided to go to another facility which to be honest didn’t feel right from the start as I was accessing services that were otherwise intended for other guests.
Just to say that I’m in the process of really aiming to listen to what I feel about things and situations and not to override them with my head, but at this point I was still pushing through what I actually felt. And hence perhaps the reason for what then occurred…
So…
I had prepared some lamb meatballs to be done later on and when that later came I put them into the oven on a tray, not being too focussed or aware of the program I chose. It turned out that I put it on grill function with a fan on 200°C. Now for those that are not too savvy in the kitchen let me tell you that 200°C with the grill generates a lot of heat. It took only a few minutes for the oven to start puffing out smoke through its openings, and we had to literally evacuate the kitchen because we couldn’t breathe properly. At the same time I had to make sure the door was closed and that the smoke didn’t get out otherwise the fire alarm would have gone off. At this point I could feel the heat in my face starting to present itself: and that was not just because of the heat in the kitchen let me tell you!
The funny and interesting thing was that I didn’t find the situation to be that big a deal, even though I said I’m sorry a few more times than one. The people I had stopped from accessing the kitchen were amazingly supportive and I feel that was a big reason for why I could experience the situation as something to learn from, and I was actually quite surprised by how at ease they were in the midst of it all, or mist to be correct. If they had all started yelling at me or saying not so very pleasant things I might have experienced the situation differently.
It cannot be denied that The Way of The Livingness that these friends and I are now students of, presents a very healthy way of approaching life where you don’t feel that you have to get all sucked into whatever is happening around you. That you can actually look at life and let it be where it is and respond accordingly, and not react. And to be honest, being the one that was having a potential moment to learn from – usually called making a mistake in our everyday language – I’m glad I was where I was. And perhaps no mistake either (!).
The presenter and founder of The Way of The Livingness, Serge Benhayon, has been presenting since 1999 that it’s well worth observing life and not absorbing it. Now that can be just words until you actually get to experience what it actually means. And if I take the example of the meatball story, I see very clearly how that approach looks like in real life. So even though I have no need to glorify anyone, it sure was a glorious moment for me to be given the space to make my little “mistake” and to learn from it, which I did.
By Matts Josefsson, Student of Behavioural Science & Life, Sweden
Further Reading:
No Mistakes: Just a New Learning
No Doubt
It Was Meant to Be and Everything Happens for a Reason
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
The Way of The Livingness has presented me with so much common sense and so many simple but powerful tools for life. It “presents a very healthy way of approaching life where you don’t feel that you have to get all sucked into whatever is happening around you.”, and that for me has been so life-changing as I was forever being sucked into things that I didn’t need in my life and the dramas that ensued were exhausting. I certainly prefer this new and very simple and drama free way of living.
It feels great to see mistakes as just a way to learn, not something to beat ourselves up for or be ashamed of as we know we are getting nowhere with these feelings or even worse trying to hide we were the one who made the mistake ‘(that would not have been easy in your case, meatballs, which one do you mean, oh those in the oven, no I did not make them’ that would have caused the fire alarm to go off for you to come to the truth) I must say I tried all these solutions but none of these are the answer. Mistakes are definitely a beautiful opportunity to learn.
When we do something that does not feel right to us we blurger our body.
When love is the focus of the way we live, we do live in space and do not have ourselves driven by outcomes, expectations or attachments, as such we are able to respond with what is in truth needed in honor of the love we know we all are.
We get life’s lessons in the most interesting of ways; I love that. Nothing changes when we loose it it only adds to the challenging situation.
So true. You really have to learn to love the lessons that come our way, as they offer a greater depth of love and universality for us to claim and live.
The thing about mistakes, which I have found difficult at times to accept, is how very public they can be. As a naturally private person I do not especially like having my errors displayed in social settings – preferring instead to keep them hidden and controlled. But with the support of Universal Medicine I have been learning the incredible value of being open, honest and publicly vulnerable. Because not only does this allow for true support to be offered by others, but also, it gives the greatest opportunity to actually learn from the mistakes.
I’m so learning this right now.To be open and willing to be seen as someone that doesn’t have everything under control.
Matts, this blog is so sweet and innocent – from one big experience to call it you have learned a huge amount.
The Way of The Livingness has benefits beyond measure, with ourselves and other stretching to all of humanity.
Thank you Matts, exactly we are often going into melodramatic approach, the one less the other, but often making our body tense up and even hard.. What to me The Way of The Livingness shows me is that there is always something to learn out of any situation and that the best way to do that is through observation. Something I can pay more attention to, great call!
When you ‘know better’ and ‘proceed anyway’ and then you get the results that you ‘knew where going to happen’, it is then that we are met with another series of choices. Do you give yourself a hard time, go over it 100’s in your head, retreat into a hole somewhere? Or do you stay open to the fact that you did it, and lovingly look at why and/or accept the ‘mistake’ and learn from it? The second part feels like you are taking more responsibility for your part and how it effected the whole, it feels more respectful of yourself and others. The first one (which I have done!) feels more about just you, and giving your self a hard time – which to be honest, never really does any good!
Presence is so important and I think many ‘whoops’ moments could be avoided by being more present with what we are actually doing. I noticed this today too in my day and caused some complications. When it happens though it is a great moment to take as a gentle nudge or correction and not as a judgement.
What a very loving way to learn a lesson. Admonishing people doesn’t work. I have only learnt fear of not doing something by this means, often not learning the real lesson but just how to be sneaky and avoid getting caught! In the same way I can see admonishing myself doesn’t work either. Reading this is an inspiration for me to be more loving with myself when I do make a mistake. Not falling for self-judgement I can observe all the angles and see in full what I have just created to learn from.
I am so absolutely blessed to live in a community who is truly willing to look at their hurts and deal with what’s not true. People in my life who are always there to support me in my vulnerable states, but also pull me up when it’s time that I get my act together and get over something. People inspired by the incredible man, Serge Benhayon – thank you all.
A beautiful example of how people responded to a situation instead of reacting … and what a difference it makes for all when we respond and don’t react!
So true, it makes a world of difference..it can diffuse a situation that could otherwise escalate..
I feel this is all part of caring , caring for ourselves and others. Giving each other enough space to make mistakes and lovingly supporting each other, observing and not absorbing as you say, when we do.
True Elaine, it is giving each other space to learn, we all get our learnings, lessons, in our own time so we don’t need to get invested but only observe and understand why what is happening is happening for someone or for ourselves. Space offers grace.
Exactly Michael. This is whole different approach which makes huge amounts of sense rather than the crazy destructive game of heaping abuse when someone isn’t perfect, or mis-gages something. I often find that laughing about a mistake, thus putting it in proportion, and yes also ‘renouncing’ the action as you have said, works very well.
What a wonderful story Matts – and how well you handled it, as it would be no easy thing for you to have gone through all that smoke causing! Yes, just beautiful that those around supported you and looked after the situation rather than shouting abuse at you – a person can feel bad enough from having caused a kerfuffle without further abuse heaped upon them.
Great point with your last sentence Lyndy concerning how people tend to state the obvious and blast someone for making a mis-take when the mere situation alone is enough to deal with, potentially feel bad about, and learn from. But I feel we have to ask why we put so much pressure on ourselves and others to be perfect in the first place, when in truth our greatest lessons and advancements (at least in my life) can come after we make a mis-take, are honest about how we contributed to it, and renounce the action to not make the same choice again if it was not supportive of us or others.
As soon as I read your way or recording the word ‘mis-take’, the TV/film industry popped into my mind. There are more often than not quite a few ‘takes’ and repeated filming of a scene. It’s an expected part of the process. The quality of the scene filmed either ‘hits’ the mark or is a ‘miss’ and needs to be redone.
We can choose to experience life this way as well and see a ‘mis-take’ as a learning opportunity offering us the chance of a ‘re-take’ and to be way more conscious of what we are actually choosing to do or say in similar circumstances. It also shows, as Matt’s has shared, there’s no need for reaction and absolutely no benefit or learning for anyone concerned if we choose to dump on ourselves or others, if and when a ‘mis-take’ occurs.
True Michael and also to not identify ourselves with the “wrong” since there is no such thing as being wrong or making mistakes, it’s just part of the learning.
It is very supportive to have people around you that are not in judgment of our stuff ups, it makes it a lot easier to own them, deal with what ever needs to be dealt with and let it go. Self judgment and/or judgment of others is often worse then the stuff up itself.
Yes.. it also makes it easier to let go of judging ourselves, when we feel that there’s absolutely no judgment coming from others.
Oh my gosh it is so worth it…..”it’s well worth observing life and not absorbing it.” It has absolutely, categorically, no doubt, changed my life to begin to observe what occurs and not absorb it all and let go of reactions…amazing. Thank you Serge Benhayon.
We have to listen to that voice that knowing, I have a meeting a few hours drive away today and my body has said very clearly I am to take the train, I really want to override it as it is simpler to drive and quicker, but honour is the new black so the train tickets are booked and I will see what develops on this journey of surrender.
Hi vanessahawthorne, did you get to know why your body wanted to go by train instead of by car?
Hi Matts, I feel it was much more supportive for my body to be able to rest and read and write whilst I travelled and it didn’t take that much more time. When I drive I have to concentrate a lot more and I felt I was simply being offered an opportunity to listen to what my body needed and to honour this, my auto pilot is to completely override.
I loved your story Matts, thank you for sharing. What a blessing it is to be able to make a mistake and then be lovingly given the space to learn from it, so, so different to the blame, shame and guilt that is felt or imposed upon for getting it wrong.
So much opportunity for learning and developing in the humble and oh, so delicious Swedish meatball.
Yes I thank the meatballs for showing me the way : )
Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow from, and rather than call them mistakes I like to call them learnings.
To be held in such grace is very beautiful.
Hilarious story Matts! Where would we be without making these ‘mistakes’ and with the support of those around us, learn from them. In reality, there is no such thing as a mistake if we accept the learning it offers.
I love the ‘oops’ moment here – and the learning- not making a big deal of it – and feeling the support from your fellow students…. When we bring understanding rather than judgement to any situation, everyone cam learn.
I can think of a dozen people in my life who would immediately write this story off as something that just happened, and that there was no meaning and no point even sharing this. But that’s just the point, when we don’t make everything part of the bigger picture, then we basically give ourselves permission to override everything we know, which leads to us avoiding truth, and hence absorbing life rather than observing it.
We do seem to make a big deal out of our mistakes and that of others, but when we take away the drama, nothing is really a big deal. This is a great example of making a mistake but not holding yourself in that and continuing to punish yourself, as a lot of us do.
It is the way we respond what life presents that shapes the way we grow.
A great example of the fact that there are no mistakes in life simply opportunities to learn. In this case an ‘oops’ moment – although a very smoky one ‘ – and not one where you felt to beat yourself up for what you had done and no criticism from anyone else; The Way of The Livingness being lived in all its practicality.
What I also felt was that wanting to be seen as someone that has it all under control is also a way to keep yourself separated from others. Allowing yourself to been seen as the one being not perfect was and has been and still are to some extent a big thing for me. It is such a relief for the body when we let go of this thing.
It is amazing to clock how much we really know but are denying to ourselves because we have a different agenda. So even though there is learning in uncovering why we choose to not adhere to what we know, it is also very empowering to recognise the fact that we actually do know.
I used to be really hard on myself when I would make a ‘mistake’ but the key is whether I choose to learn from it or not. After all if we did nothing we would not learn anything, a baby does not bash itself when it is learning something new it just gives it another go and gets on with it. Seeing that there is no right or wrong takes the notion away of things looking or being a certain way and allows the magic that is on offer to come out in full. So if what we consider a mistake is showing us the depth of love that we are, as we have to know love to do something opposite to love, then how awesome are mistakes! Because we get an opportunity to learn to make different choices and slowly but surely see all the areas in our lives where we are choosing less than the absoluteness of love we know and come from.
“Mistakes” are a part of life, they are a part of our growth. It is not about us never making any mistakes in life, but rather the importance lies in being able to see all the choices we make and from these choices clock the consequences (‘good’ or so called ‘bad’) and then learn to work things differently. Sometimes it is not so much what we do that matters as much as the how we do it, in terms of the energy in which we are operating in – for the way we do things can be more damaging to self or others than we realise. So much of a learning on all levels, every single day and moment.
The biggest thing about making ‘mistakes’ is to not beat ourselves up about them – but to take the opportunity on offer and accept the learning. And from that we can then make more true and committed changes so that we don’t do that same thing again. What a blessing!
What I am feeling is that our relationship with making mistake goes way back to our choice to step away from God. It feels there’s a bit of stickiness around that – that either we judge and punish ourselves too harshly or we are too arrogant to see it for what it really was therefore to make amends. Something seems to be standing in the way of us simply going ‘Whoops. That was a mistake. Never to repeat.’
We are so trained to think that mistakes are bad and it is wrong to be making mistakes and we often get told off for making one, or we react as though we are being told off when our mistake gets pointed out. What I am learning by The Way of The Livingness is that Love offers space for us to grow through mistakes.
I love that you were surrounded by people who didn’t get angry with you or belittle you for your choices and therefore add to, or in fact distract from, the learning. I can see that we often get distracted and blame others for not supporting us when in fact, some situations present lessons for multiple people, we must work out what’s our part in it, and then adjust our rhythm to ensure we are ready when the opportunity to make meatballs presents itself again. I can see much more lightness and humour in observing not absorbing!
Gorgeous sharing Matts and it is great to be reminded that when we are open to the truth, we are open to learning and embracing our innate wisdom. As such every moment offers us the opportunity to grow, evolve and bring greater awareness to how we are living. And glorious it is to be able to live more of who we really are in truth.
Love what you have shared here Carola – for we do all hold an innate wisdom only we tend to forget this, especially when we have done a so called ‘mistake’ (really should just be called ‘a learning’!)…So the real learning here is to keep remembering that we have this innate wisdom, and that we don’t need to lock it up and hide it, but rather, we can live in and by it each and every day!
Our total awareness when cooking and actually being aware and present with the multitude of different connections we have every day is having a profound effects on those who choice to live in this most divine way.
When a mistake happens, there is always a lesson to be learnt, not only for the person who is ‘doing’ the mistake itself, but for those around them. With this point of view, your experience with the meatball was an opportunity for all those involved to go deeper in something about themselves too… so mistakes and service goes hand to hand. Non judgement, acceptance and surrender makes easier it to learn the lesson at hand.
So much pressure we place on ourselves and another to be ‘perfect’…an ideal that none of us will ever come close to living up to. What a set up this is to make us feel inadequate, less and failing.
The best advice i got was that its good to make mistakes- i would rather may mistakes and learn from them and grow rather than not act and remain stagnant.
Observe but not absorb should be written on my mirror, it is a 101 lesson that I am still learning all these years later. It is something that although I am great at in some areas of life, other areas just suck me and under. Keeping a lightness under pressure is one of the easier tasks for me but family dynamics or taking comments that my husband might say personally is an area I can still work on! What I love about the esoteric community, is that everyone may not be perfect but generally they are all attempting to sit back and make life joyful and not stressed.
Thank you for sharing your experience Matts, I have found that there are many opportunities that we learn from, and not to be judged by our mishaps by others makes the learning far deeper.
So true, having that space to grow from is a blessing for sure. I have to say that I am inspired by my friends being so cool about it and not judging me. To be honest I still judge but I know that is from me still judging myself.
I very much enjoy your way of writing Matts, very vivid and relatable and above all lighthearted and fun.
Accepting where we are at and accepting the situation as it is – not blaming others or the moment in anyway (the weather takes a lot of flak for example), we allow ourselves to be aware of the support and love and a deeper awareness of life that’s on offer.
How to observe and learn, and truly support and not judge – thank you Matts.
This reminds me of how we treat our children. Do we shout at them and berate them when they “mess up” or do we accept the situation for what it is and allow for a greater learning.
‘Observing life and not absorbing it’ has been one of the most valuable principles taught by Serge Benhayon over the years, something that I am conscious of every single day in my relationships and interactions with the world.
There is so much to learn in life in this blog. For me where I am today it would be to accept where I am at even though I keep repeating a simple behaviour which is not loving with myself and others, a cycle I have been in since I was a child going to school and a cycle that if I chose to align to love would make such a difference to my wellbeing and that of others.
Living with people is beautiful in how it reminds us constantly how everything we do impacts those around us either in a beneficial way or not.
I am just about to move in with a 3 others and am looking forward to seeing how it unfolds. I have found it can be very easy living on my own to go into old patterns of doing things whereas when you live with others you see, as you say, how everything we do directly impacts them. I used to think I could do things and they would not affect my partner but now see then when you are living with someone in a relationship that irrespective of whether they are with you or not what you do directly has an impact on them – which to be honest most of us do not want to admit let alone feel!
Who would have thought that you would learn so much and not just you but all those involved with making some meatballs! This shows that if we are prepared to be open and willing to see what is there being presented to us that it is a graceful learning for all.
The presentation of Serge Benhayon’s ‘To observe and not absorb’, is a particular favourite of mine and has bought me a lot of understanding around life, relationships and any situation.
Absolutely no point in beating ourselves up for a potential learning in the making. Every opportunity to grow is placed before us. It is up to us as to which way we look at it. . . . to learn and grow or to berate ourselves and stay in the same delay.
What a beautiful learning shared from you experiences of stopping and taking a moment to feel and not go straight into reaction and blame . A beautiful example of taking responsibility and not going into emotions and all this offers us as a way of living in harmony and love from within.
The mind justify, rationalise and sympathise till the cows come home..! But the body is constantly expressing a truth that the mind cannot. Learning to listen to this is an art in itself and one that makes life much more joyful and purposeful as we start to stay connected to the body and bring its quality to all that we do. This, the mind is under qualified for.
Yes Rachael, there is an ease in the body that can guide and advise in a non-dramatic way. There is more flow with the decisions it makes. Bringing attention to this quality and letting it impulse our movements is a way of living that has the potential to address some of the more common mental health issues in our community.
We can give ourselves the opportunity for growth and learning in every moment and with every experience. Observing, not judging or reacting is fundamental in this. And then we let go and say: ‘what is next?’
I love the way you have used such a simple story to demonstrate something so powerful. Often the reaction to something we have done wrong is worse than the event itself. It’s wonderful to read of the response that you had, and how held and loved you felt.
So true Rebecca, the event is usually only a physical out play that is cleaned up and left behind. Where our ‘Loving’ response, to any situation ‘will’ serve us for life-times!
How cool that you had space to truly reflect and learn in this situation. Sometimes we can go into defence or self-bashing – but what if we don’t need to allow these emotions at all – such as in this case. Very cool.
We think we can get away with things when everything goes ok/nothing goes wrong. But even then we do know and feel in our body that what we do it not true and not considering everyone equally. When I do things like this I am only focused on myself and care less for others, which is in the end always painful for my body.
Yes, the simple ‘stop moment’ and honoring of the body is far away if we have an investment in the outcome. Out is the honesty and willingness to listen to our body.
We all make what we call mistakes,we often get a reactions from someone when we do this and our first choice is to react back, neither party learns anything, we all just heated, indignant and righteous, to be open to learn change the conversation…there is something for all of humanity to learn there….
How differently we would all relate to each other if rather than seeing our mistakes as being really bad and detrimental, we understood them as being an opportunity for everyone to learn something from about themselves and others.
Every time I read this blog it reminds me of a movie called “Cloudy with a chance of meatballs” – the story about a mad scientist who created a machine that could control the weather and then you had food raining from the sky. Except in Matts’ case we could call the movie: “Smokey with a chance of meatballs”. And the beautiful thing is that Matts’ story has a moral and a learning for us all. Thank you Matts!
Often we push through with what we know to be true because we have an investment in doing something and listening to our body does not suit us.
I agree anytime I struggle with knowing an answer, it is because I know the answer that will work but it doesn’t suit me…. The “I am not sure” is really about me seeing if I can manipulate the situation in a way “I” want.
oooh marylouisemyers that is so true, thank you for reminder!
Nothing like “messing up” around people who love you. It’s never a mess up, only an opportunity – and a welcome one as great learning is on offer. This applies even around people who may not love us, but the love offers a solid support.
Yes, it does. When we are held in love, the things we do and don’t do that are not love become more obvious.
Thank you Nikki – perhaps this is a taster (!) of what is to come if I really open myself up having people around me in my life.
Jump in Matts – imperfections and all 🙂 Nothing more beautiful than a transparent person in all their tenderness and vulnerability opening themselves up to the world. I take note too!
Yes sharing with people how you feel about them releases a lot of tension in the body, at least for me, and I would say it sets free and shares the love that is naturally within us. Maybe we all come to a point some day where we feel and realise that holding back things we feel, holding back how much we actually love people hurts so much more than letting the love out.
Imagine if from young we were taught that when something happens it is a ‘potential moment to learn from’ as presented by Matts, rather than a mistake that we generally get in trouble for and/or beat ourselves up over.
We always know when we are doing something that is not true for the all, we just ignore the knowing because we make it about the individual…me, myself and I
We are here to learn and mistakes are a natural part of our learning, it takes away the guilt and blame of the ugly energy of not getting it right, and offers space for us to learn.
The sense of freedom and openness I get when I admit my mistakes is sweetly incredible having for years played so hard at keeping up appearances and trying to be perfect. It is in this new found openness that I am learning more than I have ever learnt before.
There have been many times I have overrode what I felt. But also many times that I have honoured what I felt. What is so very beautiful in honouring what I feel is that whatever could have been created in not, never is. The power we truly hold is gigantic if we but acknowledge and accept it.
To understand that I can choose to respond rather than react to life is one of the greatest gifts I have received from exploring The Way of The Livingness.
“The people I had stopped from accessing the kitchen were amazingly supportive and I feel that was a big reason for why I could experience the situation as something to learn from.” This would be great advise for the education system or any situation in life that involves learning. How not punishing a mistake can offer the person so much space to learn instead of being more engulfed by the fact they made a mistake and the reaction to that than remembering the learning itself.
Space is an amazing initiator of many amazing changes and miracles.
Lessons in life never stop and we clearly need to learn to not react but be able to observe the situation at hand and not be bowled over by any outcome.
Being able to be ok with our imperfections is a complete game changer. So much of the tension of life comes from the belief we have that we have to be perfect, get it right, or that we are not enough.
Great straight up blog Matts that says to me that a mis-take is something we will always get another go at or another take, to play our true part in the universe.
Funny how we can consider here that perhaps a mistake is simply a moment when we over-ride and go against what we are sensing or feeling in our bodies to be true.
True, space to learn is divine, I have found I have been really able to heal and review what is happening in my life, when space and grace is offered by others (and myself). I have found that my children really respond to it as well, we do not need to be trying to get it right all the time and correcting, we are not perfect and we do not need to aim to be. The learning is the purpose.
If you imagine a scientist in a lab, and that they got extremely upset when things went ‘wrong’ what would they truly find out? If they threw their microscope accross the room every time the results did not please their eye, or tore up their lab coat when the tests ‘failed’, their research would probably go nowhere fast. So why is it we adopt this policy with ourselves? We are so hard on the choices we make, but all of this just keeps us rooted in the same place. Thanks to what you share here Matts I can feel how beautiful it is to fully accept the experiment of life.
Indeed it is – there is much on offer here for those who are open to it, as the common trend in our society is to absorb what is ‘happening to us’.
The most amazing conversations I have had with people are the ones where there is no judgement and everyone is given the space to feel all of who they are and just be themselves, transparent and open.
The simplicity and joy we can bring to our lives by learning to listen to our bodies and all we feel is amazing and a beautiful way to live as we start to develop a true relationship with our selves and the world around us allowing our love to blossom and be seen.
‘Just to say that I’m in the process of really aiming to listen to what I feel about things and situations and not to override them with my head, but at this point I was still pushing through what I actually felt. And hence perhaps the reason for what then occurred…’ – When we bring awareness and honesty to whatever situation we may find ourselves in, it makes it much easier to understand that nothing happens by accident.
‘ it sure was a glorious moment for me to be given the space to make my little “mistake” and to learn from it, which I did’ So great Matts, the joy of learning!
Thank you Matts for sharing how the beauty of space holds us in absolute love and the movements we then move in expand the possibilities for growth.
Human life is not perfect and it will never be, therefore it is great we have the possibility of learning and to know about the fact that perfection in human life does not exist and is not needed.
If we could replicate this up to a massive scale, could you imagine a society full of people who do not judge themselves or each other but rather support each other to grow and develop from mistakes.
There is always room to learn from our mistakes, with the greatest mistake of all being to not learn anything.
It is great to share stories like this, we all have our own meatball story, and if we call them out we all benefit from the understanding that there is no such thing as mistakes, just another opportunity for learning.
“…It was one of those moments where I could have felt that I made a mistake and I could have easily been hard on myself about it, but instead…” It’s quite interesting how easy it seems to be to have an automatic response to a mistake or feeling bad about ‘doing something wrong’ with such a negative attitude towards ourselves, instead approaching it positively, as an opportunity to learn and grow from.
I love being reminded that mistakes are not the end of the world. Yes everything is a reflection and not always pleasant but if we didn’t receive this reflection how would we know what needs to change?
Yes, to this Leonne. We very much learn that mistakes are bad which can be clearly observed in young children, they just do and learn without putting any judgement to what they do, but we adults do judge, we put emphasis on everything they do, we applaud them, encourage them to try again, say it is not so bad when things went wrong (seen from our eyes), etc. So yes, it is a relearning for us that mistakes are not bad, that everything simply reflects something back to us from where we then can take our next step.
Lovely reflection that we don’t need to make a big deal out of mishaps in life, and there is always something to learn from everything that occurs. Did you get to eat the meatballs?:)
I’m wondering what it is that I’ve been resistant to simply saying oops? Sure it didn’t help when adults shouted at me for being naughty, calling me stupid, afraid of how they would be judged because of my actions; if someone was harmed how that would reflect on them. But there’s more to it than this. Saying oops is so simple. It says to me I am lovely as I am, I can be trusted to learn and do not need to admonishment in order to get the point across, indeed harshness only detracts from the lesson at hand. Writing this I feel I can allow myself the space to say oops and feel what is there to feel.
Yes I guess we all carry stuff with us that can be triggered when perhaps someone is doing something that triggers what we are carrying as an image of how things should be like. It is a great freedom to do what you say, that is, give ourselves the space to make so called mistakes because in essence they are not mistakes at all really but us advancing and learning as we expand who we are. I guess you could feel like everything is all fine and under control, but that could be just us living in our comfortable little box. That is until someone comes knocking on it sharing with you that there is more to life than living in the box.
It is like sometimes we override things that we know in order for us to really get the in your face learning because if it wasn’t like that you keep going thinking all is ok, when in actually fact we are fare away from the harmony we can be living in by honouring what we know is true to us.
‘…I’m in the process of really aiming to listen to what I feel about things and situations and not to override them with my head,…’
I can so relate to this line. I often predict things will happen but don’t really stop to feel the response that is there for me also. As a result my clarity isn’t what it could be, and complication ensues. Perhaps I could have supported some one more fully, or saved myself having to clear a mess that was avoidable; but being open, loving and accepting of myself, willing to listen to what I do know and pay attention is the return to embracing this awareness; as is asking what was it I didn’t want to see and why.
‘It was one of those moments where I could have felt that I made a mistake and I could have easily been hard on myself about it, but instead I had such awesome support from the people around me that it didn’t feel like a mistake at all but rather a moment to learn and grow from.’ – What an enormous difference it makes to be held in love and understanding as opposed to judgment and ‘I know better’ attitude.
I love how something as simple as a meatball and the circumstances around it can teach us such valuable and life long lessons.
‘it sure was a glorious moment for me to be given the space to make my little “mistake” and to learn from it, which I did.’ – Beautiful Matts, how different life appears when we understand that there are no such things as mistakes, simply oportunities for learning.
I have learned to use this word oops, and just move on, which keeps things simple and not go into self-bashing ( an old pattern of mine), along with an acceptance of; I am not perfect and that is okay.
Even better when we share our learnings with others and not keep it to ourselves!
Our days are filled with choices as to whether we react to situations and go into drama or stay with our self and our stillness – whether we beat ourselves up or simply enjoy the learning on offer.
It’s interesting to observe the reactions of people around us when we make mistakes. I don’t give myself a hard time anymore when I make mistakes, so it is quite comical to watch the reactions of others who think it is the end of the world!
What a great example of observing life and not getting caught up in the ‘should have’s’
True, life can be that simple if we allow it.
Amazing to be open to the support that is all around Matts, and not closing off or being self critical, judgemental – which when engaged with become quite a heavy reality and keep us suspended for periods of time.
Overcooking food is a great reflection of where I am at. I know that I am not with myself when the quality of my cooking deteriorates and I burn the toast!
Not finding situations to be that much of a big deal really shows that there is little or no reaction to the event that take place – this is so valuable as we can then truly appreciate what is happening and why rather than get caught up in emotions.
Thank goodness for “mistakes” in life, for us to deepen the space and humbleness within ourselves to receive another opportunity and offering to re-learn and re-solidify our choices. Love it.
Dispensing with the self abusive retribution every time we make a mistake is one of the most liberating and respectful things we can do.
I very much agree. It is a horrible trait in this world to see a mistake as something bad that we need to feel ashamed of and be punished for. We are hear to learn, if we knew everything already we would not be here.
Feels like true family you’re describing there Rebecca.
In life we cannot and are not here to control situations or outcomes, but it certainly is the case that we have situations and outcomes that we need to learn to deal with and learn from all of the time. Sometimes it is not even that we could have done things differently, though of course this does apply often, but it is more about how we ARE in the situation that can offer us a growth – in other words how do we handle such a situation and how do we react or respond. Life is full of such opportunities, and this is what it is about!
Life is about learning so if we are open to learning there is always going to be something to learn about ourselves and others and the world of energy.
Absolutely Martin, stumbling, bubbling, putting our foot in our mouth, tripping, getting up again . . . all a part of the learning process. No point getting down on ourselves, the only point is to learn from our experiences.
The beauty of learning to listen to what we feel and using everything as a learning moment makes so much difference to how we live and see life and the simplicity and joyfulness this allows.
When it does not suit us because we have an agenda, which is always about self, we do not listen to our body even though it is screaming at us.
The more mistakes I make the more I realise there’s no such thing as a mistake.
What a gorgeous realisation – we are simply being offered opportunities to learn and have another go.
Love this Leonne, we are all just part of one giant learning playground.
Thank you Leonne, I agree as they actually all are a learning. The idea that everything we do must be correct and perfect in one go is a false one as in that model we would never learn but only stay in our comfort … the situations we know how to handle.
Good one Leonne!
Such a classic learning and in situations like these what is fascinating is that we know what feels to be true and what doesn’t i.e whether to use the kitchen or not that you are not supposed to be using but we override and do things anyway and then if it is the time for us to learn about responsibility it is shown to us the choice that we have made and why it is not supporting on all the different levels.
It’s such a wonderful way to look at our lives and our movements as points of learning instead of mistakes because it opens us up to growth and thats pretty awesome. Thank you Matts.
It feels so awesome when we can learn from our mistakes so gracefully………and appreciate that we are all learning. When we learn from these moments they are no longer ‘mistakes’ but Oops moments as we re-adjusting to living with more love.
Blame is an energetic hammer, it instantly flattens any chance of evolution.
It does but it seems hard to come to that point where we can step away from blaming others, and ourselves of course, I guess that goes hand in hand.
We love to blame others as it takes the heat off ourselves.
Its hard to call events like this a mistake when they instigate healing.
How amazing it would be if all communities in society could bring this same quality of support in understanding that we are all here to learn from the lessons that life offers us.
Agree Michael. When we get our emotional reactions on a lead then maybe, until then, I think it’ll be quite hard.
Matts, I couldn’t help but wonder… did you end up eating the meatballs???
Hi Katerina, no I didn’t, too bad though.They looked very delicious but I thought that if they were sprung out of such a disastrous event (not really) the might not taste that good, but they probably would. You make me feel like having meatballs again. Maybe there’s something more for me to learn : )
I agree, Matts, to truly listen to our inner voice, telling us what is true and what not, is deeply appreciating ourselves.
We grow up learning to say ‘I’m sorry’ so many times, and it is not surprising that so many of us have low self worth as a result. We all make mistakes and the blessing of each mistake is that we can learn something about ourselves from each and every one. After all, we learned to walk by falling over.
I think that is very particular for UK to say “sorry”, I haven’t experienced that in other places. Why do you think that is?
I like your everyday encounters and stories Matts. If we all were so aware and cherishing with what happens during the day with your willingness to observe and understand we would have far less, if at all, judgement and critique in this world.
Thanks Esther, that is reminder for me to be more appreciative of my everyday encounters and observations.
When we do something stupid and experience the consequences I have found it a particularly strong experience when those around me are firm but not blaming – I can then still become defensive but it is much easier not to be defensive and to look why I did it in the first place. The other side, though, not to react, that is a little harder…
It makes a refreshing change to see mistakes as a learning, instead of something we should feel bad about, or suffer the embarrassment.
The more we accept that life isn’t about perfection, it can’t be as everything is changing all the time and we each have lessons to learn which are specific to us, we realise mistakes are actually gifts, presenting another opportunity to learn and grow. We can choose to bury our head in the sand and stay still, which in fact retards us, or remain open to expanding our awareness, understanding, learning and evolving.
Maybe the word in itself is wrong as we obviously can learn from these events so it shouldn’t be called a mis-take but maybe something else.
‘I could have felt that I made a mistake and I could have easily been hard on myself about it, but instead I had such awesome support from the people around me that it didn’t feel like a mistake at all but rather a moment to learn and grow from’ – what a powerful reflection of how much we can support each other by living the love that we are, reminding each other of what matters in life, the truth, the learning, the expansion, rather than feeling what we did was ‘wrong’ if the outcome was unanticipated, or different to how we’d imagined.
Yes it brings the purpose to life a little bit closer doesn’t it.
By not reacting to others mistakes, we allow them the space to learn and grow, and that in turn offers them an opportunity to value their learning and appreciate themselves too.
On the other hand, when we react, the situation becomes all about us – how what was done (or not done) has affected us, which only succeeds in devaluing the other person and creating ongoing tension. Responding allows the person space to learn and move on – simple.
We can get over a ‘mistake’ when we understand that there’s something to be learned, that there’s no need to dwell on it…and not being judged or having other’s reactions in the mix keeps the lesson clear and simple.
Feeling the impact of our actions on others is a blessing indeed and can serve as a great inspiration to adjust how we like to become more respectful and caring with one another.
Yes, especially when emotions don’t get in the way.
The bigger picture for me here is that you recognised something didn’t feel right – so you smoked out a kitchen, big deal. That you were able to recognise what you felt, even in hindsight knowing it was the wrong, is pretty awesome. Now it’s all about trusting that feeling and going with it.
Listening to all we feel and the lessons that we are offered in our everyday livingness are invaluable for our learning and way in life offering us a simplicity and just what we need to see bringing a magic to our lives .
This is a very endearing story Matts. I love your honesty.
We are so much more open to learning when we dispense with the negative connotations around making mistakes. If everything is an opportunity to learn and we are willing to be forever students, then life opens up as an amazing forum in which to grow.
To accept our mistakes as nothing more than a momentary ‘whoops’ moment with the lightness that a child would, is an incredible tool to have.
Dwelling on something as a mistake doesn’t help us to actually learn and evolve from the situation – it’s very necessary to recognise what we’ve done or chosen so that we can make changes moving on from there but we can’t move on if we stay stuck in judgement on ourselves…
Love your meatball story Matts, it could have been a very different scenario, but with no reaction from the other people wanting to use the kitchen and not going into reaction yourself or use excuses, it was simply another opportunity to accept and learn.
“it’s well worth observing life and not absorbing it. Now that can be just words until you actually get to experience what it actually means.” – Well said Matt’s, there are many wise sayings, which don’t really mean that much until such time that we can actually say we have experienced that ourselves. And then once we register this, then it is like an ‘aha’ moment that is very different to the first ‘aha’ moment when we heard the words without the experience as yet!
I know when I have been berated for my mistakes I feel less and silly. Whereas when I make a mistake and it’s simply allowed to be a mistake I have all the space in the world to feel what is was about and why it happened – something I can learn from rather than coil away from.
I have often witnessed in others as well as in myself how reaction to situations takes the person off into a whirl and from then on there seems to be little true awareness and reading of the moment, and forget about love and harmony. To build the ability to ‘observe and not absorb’ is a wonderful advice.
Feeling the impact of our actions on others is a sure way to learn for a situation to ensure it doesn’t repeat itself again.
I just love your meatball story Matts, it makes it so obvious that life always presents us possibilities to grow and we can either appreciate or dismiss the learnings. I was never keen on making mistakes which shows my controlling way of life, that is changing by sharing myself more with the world and not shy away when I do make mistakes and only see them for what they are and learn from them. It makes life much more joyful and simple and my body can expand instead of shrink.
‘That you can actually look at life and let it be where it is and respond accordingly, and not react.’ Life is constantly offering us reflection from which we can learn if we so choose. Not reacting to them allows this to happen, for new choices to be made and learn how to be love more/all of the time.
Well said Michael, when we react it just sort of scribbles over the opportunities that are being presented and as every moment, bar none, is an opportunity to evolve, there’s an awful lot of scribbling going on!
It is a very sad state of affairs that so many of us are on the lookout for others to make mistakes. We scan the horizon for other people’s blunders and can feel positively gleeful when another stuffs up. I know from my own experience that this ugly side of human nature arises out of the fact that we choose to play small, actually not small but minuscule. We also play the game of who can be the most successful human being. Deep down we know what we are all choosing and so don’t want another to start to activate in any way the truth of who they are because that will call us into account. Therefore when another ‘stuffs up’ it gives us what we feel is a moment of reprieve, it buys us more time to continue to choose to be dormant in our activation of who we truly are. This is a far cry from our natural living way, which is to continually give everybody else a ‘leg up’ in their evolution.
We all make mistakes, and as we know there is no perfection. The question is do we give ourselves the space (or do the people around us) to learn and grow from them… or do we feel bad, contract, shut down and prime ourselves to do the same thing in a week or month’s time?
When we observe every little moment as a learning rather than a wrong-ing it actual feels like the angels are cheering us on because there is a joy and lightness to what could otherwise be turned into a ‘thing or a heavy thing’. There is no joy learning through shame.
This shows me how if were are gracious and allow others to learn and not react to what they are going through but to support them and not judge then we all get a major healing from it. Thanks for sharing Matts.
There is also nothing like being able to see the hilarity in some of the mistakes we make, instead of focusing on the ‘tragedy’ of it. When we are not completely with ourselves our behaviour can be ridiculous, and it helps not be become identified with it as being us – which you have so beautifully demonstrated here Matts.
I love re-reading this. It brings such a loving warmth I realise I rarely allow myself. Usually I’m in the striving to learn from a mistake on a quest to become better, to rarely make mistakes. But this way I don’t allow myself the space to learn what is truly there to learn – not just the technicalities which in this example would be pay more attention, learn how to use an oven and don’t get in people’s way. I can see how my old way of ‘learning from mistakes’ is fuelled from a real lack of appreciation that we are all here to support one another, I am lovely as I am, there is nothing wrong with me and I do not need to apologise and get everything right in order not to attract criticism that may cause me to think I am faulty.
Phew! Time to let that all go and appreciate and see the lessons that are there for me are there with love and for me to love myself more fully in perhaps needing to discard elements that are not me and never were.
What you are sharing here I feel is really important and that is to first recognise that we have absorbed ideals and beliefs that do not belong to us and then to discard them from our bodies because by discarding what is not us, frees our bodies up to be more of who we truly are. And this expansion that naturally occurs is beautiful to feel and enjoy.
‘That you can actually look at life and let it be where it is and respond accordingly, and not react.’ This in itself is the biggest gift … then the learnings naturally flow from that.
I totally agree Jenny and Matts. Then there is nothing we need worry about or fear because at our backs is always the holding of God’s love and intelligence offering us a response if we all align.
To not allow any drama into any given situation, but to hold ourselves equal in love, has the potential to change any situation into one of deepening our understanding of why something happened and then a willingness to make a change in our life to prevent a similar thing from reoccurring.
It is interesting to observe that when we override what we feel, things can very much go awry!
Life is a school and we are wise to heed lessons presented by the Universal Teachings.
What is so amazing about Universal Teachings is that we are held in absolute equality by the Masters with complete love, no matter how we are going with our lessons.
We actually all do have the meatball like events with the potential to learn from but only the fact if we could appreciate the events as such made it a point of evolution while it otherwise even could bring devastation into our lives, like the shame or guilt we then could take upon us.
‘that it’s well worth observing life and not absorbing it. Now that can be just words until you actually get to experience what it actually means. ‘I agree with this totally and having heard this for a number of years and never doubted it and always felt I understood it until recently when I had an experience which brought a wave of realisation of what it truly means – amazing to feel the deeper meaning in something which is so simple.
Well spotted Michael – until we have a lived experience of something they are interesting sounding words… a concept but not yet embedded in our existence.
What I realized lately is, that not saying something is very often enough. My authority does give the space for the other to ponder on what they did. Reactions or teachings are very often just for yourself and don´t allow the other person make their own realizations about the situation.
Wise words Stefanie. Providing the space and grace for learning is an important part of having harmonious relationships.
Oops, this is how we learn. When we make ourselves or others wrong we are really saying I do not want to learn and hence are guarenteed to make the same ‘mistake’ again.
Love this Abby. Beautifully said, of course we will make mistakes but if we learn from them they are an absolute blessing.
Matts I too have found when I don’t react I can see the mistake for what it is and have much greater clarity in what I can learn from it, and then move on.
It’s interesting how the people around you determined the outcome of your experience, it really reminds me that the way I approach and treat others has a massive impact on the way they choose to learn or to cement old and harmful behaviours.
A lovely meatball story with a great ending Matts, you were still alive! And it could be debated that there are no such things as mistakes only learnings, and yes it does indeed support you in the learning when others do not react.
Yes Matts, when we override or try to block out what we feel, what we know is the true thing to do, we automatically place ourselves into a reduced state. Like a pilot who’s turned off the GPS, how can we expect that things will carry on as normal? We said no to assistance guidance and support and so naturally it’s not surprising that things go wrong. But as you show how beautiful that is too – for it highlights and frames what we have to learn and what we did not want to know. Mistakes are part of this beautiful boomerang design God has made to help us return to Love.
One of the things I love about this story is the fact that there was just no getting away with it – those meatballs were going to signal your situation to the world no matter what! A very visible mistake can feel excruciatingly revealing but conversely, can allow us to reap the biggest rewards in terms of what we learn.
Sure Victoria, while we se many people making mistakes, only the ones that take in full what they are leaning from it do grow grow and evolve in life. We cannot learn life from a book but by experience and with that both to learn from what went well, but equally so from that what went seriously wrong.
yep busted by meatballs!!! but a valuable lesson learnt especially about how others can be there for us when needed.
“A very visible mistake can feel excruciatingly revealing”, yes this is how we tend to feel about it, but then I too feel that is what we have made of it, that it has to be excruciating as we do not really learn that it is simply a learning process that asks us to observe and realise to then be able to understand and take this awareness into our life.
The beauty of the lessons that life provides is that we are always presented with that we need to learn and are ready for.
Totally Ariana and Jane. The symbology of our every move and stance is so loud and clear, and yet even in its absolute clarity and loudness unless we have moved into awareness we remain blind to it. I have just sold my house, a lovely little cottage on 5 acres with a stream up a rough track through beautiful trees to move into a more populated town. It was an exact physical replica, picture and symbol of the degree of my hiding away, as my well-being practitioner said to me my attitude was: ‘ I know the wisdom, live the truth but you, humanity, will have to come to me to get it.’ So obvious, and I could see it before but now every cell and particle of my being knows the truth of it. Now I am out of here (soon) and at last truly setting foot into a deeper level of community activity.
Life is totally different, and totally enjoyable, when we live by responding to life rather than reacting.
‘it sure was a glorious moment for me to be given the space to make my little “mistake” and to learn from it, which I did.’ Lovely Matts, and an approach that makes way for even more ‘learnings’ to come.
Every choice and action leaves an imprint that another person will feel. This is a great reflection of the responsibility each of us have in how we live. And remembering it adds extra purpose and joy to the day.
Feeling guilty interferes with the learning process.
Gosh it makes me wonder how much we generally do not see as a society when reaction is so seemingly normal in everyday life for most. Perhaps observation could be a very very wise posture indeed and could offer massive benefit for us all.
In a general sense, mistakes are something we give ourselves a hard time about yet here you present it in such a way that it was a glorious moment – “to be given the space to make my little “mistake” and to learn from it, which I did.” The glory is in the learning and growth.
Life is constantly giving us messages – there are symbols and beauty in all things. But what I love about this story is that you felt others gave you the space to fully read those messages. We often take this away from each other with reactions and tensions, but really, love is about beholding and letting others see and feel what is presented to them.
By being lovingly held when we make a mistake it turns everything we’ve learnt about right and wrong on its head and allows us to see the offering of growth and evolution before u.
An evolutionary moment for sure Matts… for all concerned! And a great example of the way in which a situation can be handled when nobody reacts or blames, but each person just adjusts to allow for what has just taken place.
Beautiful Matts, I can totally concur, when we are given the space to feel our choices without judgement or interference it supports us to read all that led to this point with greater clarity. What’s more by being lovingly held in this space, we are then free to feel without the inner critical dialogue that so often follows this kind of incident.
It is so much less exhausting to be open and loving and to share the truth with everyone, rather than keeping it all for ourselves and a select few.
More and more I am appreciating that we are all always learning and therefore there is never a mistake, its just a learning process, and with that understand I allow my self and others now to reflect on anything that might have gone not to plan, as not being wrong or right, but a learning back to what we already know is truth within us.
If we took a minute to ponder, on what is on offer to learn from every situation we come across, instead of going into reaction, what a wonderful world it would be.
That is a common experience for me – I ignore what I feel, notice the consequences and then have to deal with those consequences. A good way to learn how to just feel and respond which then needs no correction.
Matts you wrote: “That you can actually look at life and let it be where it is and respond accordingly, and not react.” For me that is a beautiful way to live. So how would our world look like if more people would live like this . . .
To be held in love when we make mistakes is a beautiful thing and it is a gift we can give to ourselves any time we need it.
There is no such thing as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ when it comes to the soul and yet as human beings we splice and dice everything up into one of these two categories. What this then automatically does,is that it sets up one of two reactions, neither of which are true. The only way to allow the truth to be, is to not categorise and therefore not go into reaction and to stay open to the possibility in each unfolding moment.
Life really flows when there is love and not judgement or reaction. Your line about “mist” not “midst” made me laugh, thank you! You have also inspired me to stay with me and not react to the many whoopsies of life.
It is so much less exhausting to be open and loving and to share the truth with everyone, rather than keeping it all for ourselves and maybe a select few.
It is so brilliant that we have a community that is learning to discard the terrorism of the ‘right and wrong’ paradigm – a way of thinking and acting that is inculcated very early into our beautiful children, runs the education system and causes absolute havoc in the the world. Your blog Matts is a celebration that this way of living is actually happening on earth. Brilliant!
Following our true impulses allows space for true alchemy in our lives.
There is no such thing as a mistakes as quite often we learn so much from those moments if we take a step back and are prepared to read the situation – after all things do not just happen for no reason.
There is so much in our feelings of intuition that we ignore if we choose but there comes a point when such choices begin to have consequences and we are pulled to be more aware – this I was reminded of today when I cut my hand with a piece of paper when override what I could feel in the situation I was in at work.
I’m seeing how, when we go into internal critique, we lose the whole picture of what there is to learn. We can make it all about us and our ‘failings’ when actually here was a beautiful confirmation of what you’d already felt but didn’t heed, that we are always supported in our learning when we are open and allow this and how our actions do affect others but how they respond is not dictated by us – so none of the ‘you made me do or feel x’. When people don’t react and we don’t react we all get to feel what our part in what happens. You gave these people an opportunity to support a fellow with love and understanding and know there is no need for reaction, something I have learnt through you sharing this example.
It is true that it is important to really appreciate how we are willing to move on from things and learn from them.
Maybe when we consider something to be a mistake we may actually misjudge it for being something negative to be avoided, but to take it as a learning will take the judgment out of the equation and simply see it for what it is – a reflection of where we have been when we made a choice with a certain outcome to learn and evolve from.
That is so funny Matts, and being received playfully is what often happens with The Way of The Livingness, there is no drama – just observation, acceptance, and treating things like this lightly. This brings a harmony that is unusual in a shared kitchen!
Every now and then I remember a gorgeous example provided about making mistakes in one of Serge Benhayon’s workshops. He gave the example of a toddler taking the first steps – how every stumble and every fall is not treated as a ‘mistake’, it is held as simply part of learning to walk.
So how do we end up as adults in a momentum where every stumble and fall is made into a big drama, a statement of a lack and judgment on personal worth? We seem to have completely lost the plot along the way.
A beautiful moment to feel this community living the future, where we allow space and hold love, and not fill it with judgement.
Honouring what we feel is our foundation.
It is great you were not hard on yourself Matts, even through you overrode what you felt, you were able to stay open and allow the next learning to make itself known – a win win.
Matts, if we all were taught these valuable lessons from a young age the whole world would be turned upside-down in a good way.
To take responsibility and learn from mistakes whilst remaining light and fun is such a revolutionary way of living.
It is so important to reflect on things that have occurred and learn from them. That is true responsibility.
I spent so much of my life being “sucked into whatever is happening around” me. Being a part of everyone else’s dramas, when I also had plenty of my own, was a very exhausting way to live. As a committed student of The Way of The Livingness I have come to understand what the effect is on me and others when I live in such a disregarding way, so no longer do I allow myself to get caught up in what is unfolding around me. Whether it’s meatballs burning or someone having a meltdown I have found that to make the choice to stop and simply observe allows the space to respond with what is being called for. And living this way does not have one ounce of exhaustion in it.
What a gift to give to another by not reacting, but instead holding them in love and an openness to learning and growing together.
We are not perfect, we will always make mistakes and The Way of The Livingness supports us to stop beating ourselves up in such situations Matts. It takes the emotion and drama away so we can simply say ‘oops’, learn from it and move on.
The Universal Medicine Healing Modalities are very powerful tools that enable us to relinquish our ‘trigger happy’ reactions and learn to observe life instead. The real beauty of these modalities is that one can find an effortless ease in observing those ‘meat ball’ moments very playfully, hence learning and moving on with a grace that supports everyone.
I have just re-read this blog and cannot help but appreciate the awareness that Matts is presenting here – how often do we push through with a decision even though we might feel that there is something else for us to sit with and perhaps do things in a completely different way?
I love the way you have told this meatball story Matts – it is so funny the way you have written it. Yes you may have over-ridden that initial feeling that this facility was not the one to go to in order to cook, but the stance of observation you have taken has allowed the hilarity of the situation to the felt and thus the opening for true learning.
I love it when I have a lesson that just lets me see how I knew before hand, felt it all and denied it…. I am getting heaps better at listening and realising how good my awareness is. I actually see things before they happen now and at times I don’t actually want to, but I do really love it.
It is a simple but very powerful philosophy to ‘observe and not absorb’ what is going on around us… it means we respond to people and situations rather than react – it is our reactions that create so much chaos.
Life constellates in extraordinary ways when we honour what we feel to be true.
I had an evolutionary moment the other day, when someone shared with me that I am being less than loving when I am with them. That’s the kind of thing in the past that would have sent me into a nosedive of self criticism and perfuse apologising, followed by days of silent cringing as I recounted my ‘bad behaviour’. But what I chose to do instead was to stay very loving with myself and to also not make a big deal out of what was being shared. That’s not to say that I am shirking my responsibility in what I am bringing to the relationship but just to say that it is often our own reactions to situations that cause us more grief than the reactions of others, which is great in many ways because we have the opportunity to choose something else on behalf of ourselves.
What you’ve written about here is truly wonderful. I experience people making mistakes left right and centre. It’s part of everyday life but so too is people’s admonishing reactions – perhaps they try to hide their obvious irritation at being inconvenienced in some way through polite niceness but the reaction is there all the same. There is an understanding of why a person is reacting but still the reaction isn’t helpful or supportive.
I was brought up in such a strong belief that I see mirrored still in parents, that if you don’t yell at a child or give strong consequences – or punishments then the child won’t learn and will repeat it again. There were many mistakes I didn’t repeat because of this but only to avoid the reaction – it wasn’t like I learned anything from the situation I just learned how not to upset people and avoid the strong wash of shame in my body. I learned to play it straight and try never ever to make a mistake again.
I got no support to learn what it was that I was looking for in making that mistake and how I could address that issue. I felt isolated and alone and a part of me believed I was faulty and wrong myself. So much so that I can theoretically say mistakes are steps for learning but the trauma in my body says don’t ever make a mistake again. How do we learn or evolve with this level of playing safe and conformity for conformity’s sake? We don’t. So how wonderful it is to read this and register the possibility of being able to make a mistake, being loved 100% still and having the love to support us to learn and feel exactly what is going on for us to have come to make the mistake. Thanks for sharing this healing experience.
Great to read how none of you went into a reaction, no blaming or feeling guilty, just a huge learning for all who were there. Thank you for sharing this honest and cute story about you and the meatballs.
When we punish children for making mistakes this stunts their capacity to learn and grow. I am learning that the most supportive way is to encourage children to learn and not be afraid to make mistakes. Whenever we react or judge others for making mistakes it takes the magic of learning away and where does that leave us? It caps us from evolving.
I agree Chan and when you consider that many children are still being punished for making mistakes by being hit then it really emphasises the lifelong harm that can often be hidden in punishment.
It really does make a difference when people don’t react in a negative way when we make a mistake. We are already feeling terrible anyway, so it just makes it worse to have someone’s reaction on top of that. The acceptance that students of The Way of the Livingness show in situations like this is so supportive and so loving. It’s great to appreciate that.
We can easily learn from our mistakes if we do not make things about right and wrong. There is no truth in right and wrong and to learn from our mistakes we need to get to the truth of things.
Life looks and feels totally different when it is approached with a willingness to learn and grow from our experiances.
When ever we override what we feel we disconnect from our bodies and call in an energy that pulls us in a direction that is not inline with our natural rhythm and flow and we do and say things that we would not do when we are connected to our body
We are so entrenched in the beliefs that our mistakes make us bad people and it makes such a difference when we can appreciate everything we do and can see the miracles of the reflections we are being shown.
Yes, especially so when we wilfully make mistakes.
In fact there is no such thing as a mistake for mistake’s sake – when we understand things this way everything is an opportunity for learning and evolving.
Lovely to feel that instead of judgement or criticism those others affected by your choice Matts were supportive and loving – imagine of society or even humanity were to live this way, how different would the life we know be.
Yes Matts, its great to see mistakes as something to learn from rather than making a drama out of them.
Now thats what I call ‘smoking hot’! – What a great learning and to know that all those around you were there to support you to appreciate what you were being shown is what supports us to not be judgemental on ourselves also and allow the learning. When we don’t react and observe everyone is gaining from this way of living. The Way of The Livingness has offered me an opportunity to change my life and I love the fact that I am choosing to life to the best of my ability in connection with my Soul.
Observing life and not absorbing it makes an inordinate difference to how we manage and deal with situations as the arise. It’s a continual work in progress as there is always something to push our buttons, but when being able to observe rather than get sucked into any drama, it’s so steadying for ourselves and others.
The Way of The Livingness is a truly healthy way of living and one that continually invites us to truly evolve our behaviour and thus return to the tender, wise and immutably powerful beings we all are.
A beautiful example of appreciation from a child, two a half year old learning a new puzzle game. From figuring out how to open the puzzle box, to choosing pieces and putting each in the right space on the base. each movement made with spontaneity and playfulness. Every time he matched the puzzle piece to the shape he beamed, celebrated and clapped. As adults, it’s important to pause and appreciate where we are: each small movement made that supports our body. Let’s bring playfulness into to life all of it, including times we have a ‘meatball’ moment.
Writing the above comment, Inspired me to reflect on a situation I’m in and choices open to me. I can over-worry, take it too seriously, get cross, or appreciate and be playful with it. Simple really. Great insight gained from observing a small child play.
For years people have said that we learn by our mistakes and it is true we do, if we are willing to take a step away from the situation to understand what it is showing us, but often we punish ourselves and miss out on the learning.
Observe a small child learning to walk, falls, gets up, tries a gain, falls, gets up tries again until he gets it. We don’t criticise a child for not getting it right first time, why would be do the same to ourselves.
I’m also in the process of trying to listen to what I feel and not override it, as nothing good ever comes of it as you have demonstrated here Matts.
Funny word mis-take – it we learn it is not a missed-take as it gives us an opportunity for a re-take.
Our very first and only mistake is thinking that we are thinking and not looking at the energy that is driving us to do things that are not taking into consideration of how our actions effect the whole.
A great story Matts of the beauty of response [over emotional reacting/reaction] through the spaciousness of understanding.
How supportive that you put the love and care into preparing yourself some meatballs, so you knew you would have something nourishing to eat. However, there were other plans for you for dinner that night!
One thing I feel prevents us from being at home with making mistakes is our predilection for perfectionism. When we invest in what we do and how well we appear to do it rather than who we are, we’ve set ourselves up for a hard time, berating ourselves for ‘getting it wrong’ – and unable to appreciate the learning.
Learning how not to react is a great art indeed and one I am yet to fully master! But the awesome learnings I take home from Universal Medicine presentations and sessions with my UM-trained practitioners are a constant support on the ever-expanding awareness path.
Accepting mistakes for the simple ‘whoops’ moment that they are is huge and it’s very beautiful when those around us support us to do so.
I would say that conscious presence was part of the equation Matts! A big lesson for me I know, especially starting one job and walking away only to see something else that takes me away from the first job . This is a dilemma for me.
Matt’s what you have shared makes me reflect on the fact of how hard we often are upon ourselves, and the so called ‘mistakes’ that we do. Beating ourselves or another up about such things, is not a very loving thing to do, or berating ourselves or other is not supportive either. However, it is not about ignoring things either. Rather it is about looking at how the situation came about and how we have played a part in it and how we can now learn from it and go about things in a different way. I love your simple sharing here which supports us in bringing responsibility to how we are in life on a day to day basis, and for me it reminds me to take the pressure off myself and simply have fun with life and all its learnings. Thank you Matts!
Matt’s I love your humour here with the title – and there is a children’s movie called “Cloudy with a chance of meatballs” referring to the weather – but your movie would be called “Sunny with a chance of smokey meat balls”!
Interesting when we choose to override something how often we are given a lesson to reflect on and offered the opportunity to feel the consequences of our original action.
Becoming at student of The Way of the Livingness offers you an incredible steady foundation in which to live (and learn) life from – to learn how to be fully engaged in life but not reactive to what goes on around you. It’s worth checking out if you have not done so already: http://www.unimedliving.com/the-way-of-the-livingness
We are students of life and there is a lesson in everything.
An interesting story and journey about our choices , mistakes and learning being all part of life when seen for what they are. Wondering wether the meatballs were edible and the bed comfy !
How amazing Matts, that you were able to see your ‘mistake’ as a lesson to learn from rather than giving yourself a hard time about it and then potentially spending some amount of time in your future years holding onto that guilt in some way in your physical body that would undoubtedly have an eventual impact on it. Very inspiring.
Beautiful sharing, and I would love to share some lamb meatballs with you Matts..
The Way of The Livingness is a healthy way to approach life. It can and will be said again, and again. After truly experiencing this wonderful way of living you realise this is The Way, a loving way – a personal adventure that includes all.
If there were no such things as mistakes, but rather choices or paths that aren’t the way we want to live, then perhaps all the emotions and following self-condemnation would not ensue. Every day there are things that don’t go as I would like, but there are also many many things that show me life is going very well. Which do I choose to make the focus of is the question.
Well said, Heather. How we respond to each situation builds a momentum that carries us through our day, so it is up to us whether we choose to struggle or go with the flow.
Living life without the reaction and shame of making a ‘mistake’ is liberating if you are ready to embrace that.
This is where our responsibility to each other is so key – the way we support each other in our learnings and mistakes will either help us to grow and evolve or allow us to stay stuck.
Imagine if we all had such understanding for ourselves and others when presented with such moments – what a beautiful reflection.
It is really a phenomenon we can observe over and over again that in the consequence of overriding a feeling, ie a knowing in a certain moment something goes ‘wrong’ or not the way it was supposed to be. The ‘wrong’ then actually is perfectly right as it is the natural result of the cause, ie the overridden feeling. Being open and willing to learn takes away the sting of judgment but meets oneself and others with understanding and honesty.
Mistakes are sometimes hard to swallow, but I am far more easy with myself now since understanding and experiencing that when these things arise they bring our attention to what needs to be learned from them rather than being a time for judgement on character or capability.
Not going into criticism or judgment over the situation is a great reflection of just how much self love you have, this is a great marker to recognise.
It is such a great thing to not go into reaction about something and observe what is really there to learn. The meat ball story is a fine example but what if a motor accident was treated in the same way and looked at without the parties flying off the handle and just observed for what it was and why it happened.
I witnessed a motor accident recently where someone banged hard into the back of another car. The guy in th front car got out and I thought he was going to be annoyed, but he just went up and asked if the other driver was OK. To respond without reaction is so much easier on our bodies, we waste so much energy getting uptight about things that won’t change the outcome, and it was lovely to see in this example someone taking life as it came, in spite of the massive inconvenience and shock that was occurring.
That is actually golden words for me as I have a tendency to be a bit of a perfectionist.
It is a day to celebrate when we stop judging ourselves or trying to be perfect and just appreciate the moment and learning.
There is a beautiful thing about the universe/our surroundings, feeling it very quickly when something isn’t right.
If we live life from the perspective and understanding that everything happens for a reason, then there are no mistakes and no coincidences.
If we berate ourselves for our perceived mistakes, we miss the opportunity presented to learn and grow.
“Just to say that I’m in the process of really aiming to listen to what I feel about things and situations and not to override them with my head” I am finding time after time that this is true, every time I override my feelings something will happen that confirms why I was feeling to do it the other way.
This is key to living a life with joy.
Thanks for the heart-warming meatball tale to remind us all that self-critic is yet another indulgence that hinders from the lesson at hand. It is not what happens in life that affects us, it is more how we respond to it that counts.
Spot on Sarah, responding to life takes away the reachability so we can get on with living from our essence.
A very cute story Matts, with great lessons learned along the way.
Living from what we feel in the heart rather than what we think in the head is an unlearning of old habits and an ongoing process of building and returning to a different way of living that supports us. Great learning Matts.
One thing matts that I learn from what you share is your willingness to see and approach life with how everything is a learning, It can be easy to go into beat up mode instead of viewing life from the perspective of what is next and what do I learn from this. In effect always being open to see what is behind the end result, be it the smoke, meatballs etc.. and be willing and humble with it instead of self beating up.
I agree – I find when we are focused on getting things right and not making mistakes because we don’t have the self worth to see them as learning, then when we do make a mistake it becomes a massive thing that takes all of the sparkle out of life – but when each situation is seen as an opporunity to learn, it can feel hard and uncomfortable but in the end it is so very worth it.
Being a student of The Way of The Livingness is without a doubt a beautiful support in how to develop a loving and caring way of living that fosters an ever deepening awareness and responsibility for oneself and others that is true.
In a world of escalating drama and sensationalism, in extreme sports and outrageous behaviours this graceful way of dealing with a situation is quite rare. How beautifully it supports us to see how life could be in such a way that we would not need to search for relief from all the intensity.
Beating ourselves up has never really worked has it. Yes, it is an important part of our evolution to learn from our experiences, but this is very different to treating ourselves with disdain and even abuse. Self-love on the other hand makes a very real difference, providing a truly nurturing platform for life.
When we blindly follow something, only because it has always been done that way, where is the evolution? Also, if the process doesn’t work, we are lost! Could mistakes be reminders of past things we have known?
So often making a mistake is an opportunity to create a bit of drama in our lives. The Way of The Livingness has empowered me to leave the drama bit out and just get on with resolving the real reasons why I made the error, simply and without fuss. What a God send.
Not so long ago, I had a bit of a ‘whoops’ moment when a friend of mine was making her daughter pancakes. We were about to go to a presentation and her babysitter was about to arrive. My friend was dressed beautifully and ready for the day. It was not long before we needed to leave so I was helping her tidy up. In the process I got a little distracted by the gadget she had used to make the pancakes and I went to pick it up. The blueberry pancake mix literally went everywhere, all over the counter, all over the floor and all over my friend. In that moment, my friend helped me to start clearing up the mess and then said, I need to go upstairs and get changed. Without any rush, fuss or reaction, she just went upstairs, got changed and off we went to our presentation all in good time. There is so much to learn from her reflection and the difference we we choose to observe but not absorb.
Our education system has brought us up to think there is always a right and wrong answer. If things happen in life that we don’t like, we tend to label them as mistakes, but as you have described Matts, its simply life happening, neither good nor bad, and if we are open, there is always something to learn.
A great reminder of how reacting always makes things worse or more intense as we lose our grounding or stature. Learning to observe and not absorb has its challenges, but well worth the practice.
“… it’s well worth observing life and not absorbing it. ” So true. It would have been so easy for you – and the other users of the kitchen to make a big drama out of it all. But responding rather than reacting to life enables life to flow on……
Matts thats a great sharing, how many of us have got caught in a situation like that. How beautiful it is that there other reflections out there showing us that we donot need to absorb what is going on but just observe when situations happen.
Life is full of moments for us to learn and it is when we have the space and understanding to explore these moments without reaction where we find the most evolution.
This great story that Matts shared shows to me just how simple and easy life can be when we look at what we think are mistakes as what they truly are, an opportunity to learn and grow. Life does not need to be a struggle, and too often people will judge and put down someone who made a mis- take in order to feel better about themselves. But the people whom Matts had his meatball burning experience with are leading the way in how to support each other without reacting and with true brotherhood.
And the thing is that it’s the lived way that paves way for these opportunities to present themselves. And you said it, it’s the future in how to relate to things in life. I work in quite a demanding business where you get confronted with things all of the time and if I would be reactive I wouldn’t last very long. Not getting emotional about things doesn’t happen overnight but takes some time to develop, or maybe it’s that we rid ourselves more and more from reactive patterns and we can then more easily observe things as they present themselves to us.
Whenever I find myself in a situation and I don’t react I really appreciate it, I appreciate how far I have come from the times where I may have got uptight about something happening, be it shy, embarassed, ashamed, angry, disappointed and so on. Life is just so much better when we don’t let emotions run us and when we are able to appreciate others and know that everyone has their bumps and blips just as we do too.
The word mistake already has a judgement in it as it looks like we are doing something wrong but actually are just learning life through experience and by reflection..
Absolutely there are no mistakes we are learning all the time through lifes experience and journey. I had a experience the other day, where I was caught in a situation, where there was expectation or task being completed during a specific time frame, I took alot longer. There was comment of my time being longer, however I could have reacted, but instead I allowed my body to feel and know that it was a learning and experience and how could I do the task again in a different way to speed up the time process.
Yes, and if one no longer calls them ‘mistakes’ but ‘opportunities’ it supports one to respond and learn rather than react.
Mistakes give us the space to deeply accept the choices we have made. Sure there are consequences to those choices and we have to deal with them, but the gold of mistakes is whether in such a situation we can still hold ourselves, knowing in truth we are not what we have foolishly chosen, and to also deeply understand why. This process opens up much acceptance and love in life.
Thanks Adele.
It is interesting what meatballs can teach and ovens can teach. In some way every situation in life can be a learning.
Spot on Kerstin – every situation is an opportunity for us to grasp and grow from.
Awesome, Matts – because having read what you have written a few times, I still don’t get what the ‘mistake’ was. Beautiful.
What happened to the meat balls Matts ha ha ; ) Were they consumable too… just like your lightheartedness of the learning situation!!
A great question Zofia indeed. They looked all golden and shiny and delicious but I threw them away anyways which I with a little bit of hindsight regret. Maybe food (!) for another blog perhaps : )
Yes hate to think that the meatballs could not be eaten…..I so love a good homemade meat ball!!
Rather than a mistake we should be able to call it a re-take or a false-start. We automatically get the wisdom that has been made available for us and Take-advantage of, then learning so we advance-take or evolve! Therefore we have missed nothing.
If we approach life as a child does it is far easier to accept our slip ups as nothing more than another moment to learn.
So true Fiona, child-like innocence starts at a very young age and brings in tenderness plus sensitivity.
There is something to learn from every moment, the important thing is not to give ourselves a hard time or otherwise we are caught in the reaction and unable to see what the learning is. The fact that those around you also did not get caught up in the drama of the event supported you to be able to see and feel beyond the event itself.
It’s interesting how powerful the impact of other people’s reactions can be on us – both positive and negative. Great reminder of how everything we express is felt, even if we don’t say a word, energetically, we feel it all.
So true we feel everything and therefore its so important to discern what we feel and not absorb it all, but to observe and read what we are feeling, make our our choices and adjustments.
How awesome that you were able to appreciate how others responded to your ‘oops’ moment Matts!
I am appreciating more and more how our negative view of ‘making mistakes’ really hinders our own growth and development. How different life would be if we saw making mistakes as an opportunity to learn, rather than feeling bad, like we have failed or even wanting to cover up our mistake so we don’t get judged, even trying to shift the blame onto another. Instead, mistakes can be seen as learning for all, bringing people together so everyone shares in the opportunity to learn and grow.
As life is all about learning you could say there are no mistakes only opportunities to live and learn from and there is always going to be something to learn from everything.
When people truly support each other there is a flow to their movements, even in a small and busy kitchen.
So true Carmel when there is true support, openness and honesty there is a true flow no matter where you are, in the kitchen, at work or at home. I have been experience this more each and everyday in all my interactions.
The ability to hold ourselves as loving and worthwhile beings, separate to and regardless of our actions, is the key to being able to accept life’s ‘lessons’ that arise through circumstances like this Matts. To not condemn ourselves or others for their ‘mistakes’ is key in us all being able to take what is there to learn and evolve from in any situation.
Great sharing Matts! What is a mistake? So many good things come from what we might call a mistake.
Well said Nicola.
Some of my greatest insights have come from what I have perceived as ‘mistakes’.
This is such a lovely story Matts – it allows for ‘mistakes’, offers a beautiful example of understanding, and is hilarious – all at the same time. ‘Oops! I set the meatballs on fire!’ It could be any one of us so it s brilliant that there was no shouting.
One of the greatest lessons of The Way of The Livingness is recognising the power of observing life and allowing it to unfold without the need to react to whatever transpires. In this way there is no imposition of how you believe life should unfold and another is allowed the space to learn what they need to in that moment….. A truly beautiful way to move through life especially when you compare it to the emotional and reactive alternative we are often subjected to.
It’s great when we have that space to learn and that’s one of the things I love about what you present here, there was that space, no drama, just responding to what happened and not reacting. And that’s such a breath of fresh air, I know in my own life the more I’ve been able to respond the more open the communication has been with all around me and I get to see and experience people and life in ways I might not have expected. It is seriously awesome, I have to say The Way of The Livingness (which has supported me to embrace this) rocks!
I love that you gave yourself the space to be fully present in this meatball moment. This is the key to not going under in life when potentially stressful situations arise – to stand back and observe what is truly going on while equally being fully present so that we do not absorb it all by way of inviting the tension into our body and freaking out. I would say this was a very successful ‘failed’ batch of meatballs!
I love this Matts, a ‘moment to learn from’ instead of the word mistake. I will take that with me for sure, as it feels much more inviting than the feeling of dread when you have ‘made a mistake’.
Respond accordingly and not react, these are key words Matts, so beautiful when we are just held in love and not blamed this we can do for each other now we know from what Serge has presented that everything is there for our learning and evolution. Thank you Matts for sharing.
Uncanny how every situation in life is the consequence of something that preceded it. And then we either learn from it or we don’t and do it again – until such time that we have done it often enough and say enough is enough.. A bit like children learning to walk really and we all managed that quite well, we all got there in the end.
The old burn the meatballs in the grill trick, know it well. Not really but just wanted to start the comment like that. It’s refreshing to see us not get hammered or hammer ourselves for ‘mistakes’. This illusion we have of perfection and how it looks in everyday life is untenable for anyone. These situations allow for real growth and as you can sense and see you were allowed the space to feel all you needed to feel in that moment so it’s not repeated at that level. What happened wasn’t clouded by someone else’s view and hence there was the space. It’s a great learning for us all and the fact that you can’t try and remember to do something like this, it’s something that needs to be lived; The Way of The Livingness. Try as you may when you live it it becomes natural.
How gorgeous that everyone was supportive and not in reaction to what could have been a small drama… Did you rescue the meat balls and were they yummy?
I didn’t Rachel – my mind said that I’d better throw them away, and yes I blame my mind. Maybe because they were conceived in the way they were, but to be honest and which I replied to Zofia a bit down they looked smashingly delicious. Perhaps I can learn that whatever is done and produced in a moment of learning doesn’t have to be bad or wrong but that I can actually enjoy that too.
We grow up being educated that harsh words, punishments and reprimand’s are the way to deal with mistakes. It’s little wonder that we often use the same techniques on ourselves. While there is no denying that there are consequences for every choice we make, we often find that being given the space to feel what life is reflecting back to us without judgement or control is the most loving and effective way to put an end to momentums that do not serve.
If we do not react when we make a ‘mistake’ but respond, as you did Matts, but learn from it, then it is no longer a mistake and we have given ourselves the opportunity to evolve.
Maybe at times it is a mistake to call something a mistake especially if it is exactly what is needed.
Well said, Nicola 🙂
Great point Matts, is a mistake a mistake if you learn from it?
If one celebrates the mundane then all life is a celebration.
Feels like this should be on the new blog called The magic of the mundane…
When we make everything about love .. loving others and truly being there for them instead of judging, reacting etc it makes such a difference for all.
Absolutely Vicky. I can feel the times when I am responding and those times when I am reacting. in the reaction, however, I find that there have been holes in the way I have been living and haven’t been confirming, appreciating, allowing or understanding of myself first. The key is to have a consistency with this so that I don’t react and further compound a potential issue for another when it comes up for them.
So true Matts. When people around can keep their cool when we make mistakes, the experience is transformed into a learning that will be of benefit to all not just one, an art and science that The Way of the Livingness teaches so well.
Yes, Matts, there is always learning, unless we identify with being wrong and overlook the golden opportunity presented to us.
That’s a peach Janet, ‘the golden opportunity presented to us’ it is indeed and in fact is offered to all those who are around as the moment of such an event. Do we react in emotion or respond supportively?
The more we are open for our “mistakes” the greater we see and become aware of it that those “mistakes” are not mistakes at all. Simply all learnings. Great example Matts.
When we make a mistake it is so much more supportive to see this as an opportunity to learn rather then that we have done something wrong. Wrong and right are dead ends that do not evolve us.
How we react to situations has a huge impact on our bodies and those around us. More and more I’m realising that mistakes are never really mistakes, but more importantly something to learn from, and on one level quite a deliberate and necessary event that has somehow happened purely just to bring our attention to something that we have otherwise been ignoring. So, when we approach it in this way, it doesn’t have to be a drama.
Observing life allows the magic to unfold.
Gorgeous story Matts. When there is no drama created about what has happened it leaves space for everyone to respond truthfully and in the flow of what’s needed. Drama just compresses everything into one intense focus so there’s no space for anything else.
There is something very simple yet worth celebrating in what you have shared here Matt, that is the way other people responded to your ‘meatball moment’. I have found this as well, those who have chosen to walk a path of more awareness to how we are in each situation, how we approach problems, and issues, bring much less drama and are more likely to address the issue at hand rather than avoid it and let is simmer or escalate. It may seem a small difference but the outcome is often very noticeable.
Any situation is only a mistake when one does not learn from the situation the ” mistake ” is to not learn from the situation. In simple term every situation is a learning not learning from a situation is the” mistake “.
If we can find connection and awareness in meatballs , we can find it anywhere ! ☺
Beautiful – I know that the support of those around us can be unmeasurable in its value when we make mistakes or go through a rough patch because when we are already being hard on ourselves, the judgements and reactions of others serve only to confirm and cement us in our self-abuse – when they are loving and firm and hold us to the love and responsibility they know us to be we are left with nothing to turn to but who we truly are.
It’s responding to life instead of reacting to life that makes such a huge difference in our experiences.
I know what you mean I was traveling with a colleague To the USA and because of snow storms that the country was experiencing when we eventually got there it knocked out our travel plans by many hours and we had to battle to get over night hotel accommodation along with hundreds of other passengers that had also been stranded. Too cap it all the taxi driver didn’t know where he was going even though the hotel was on the other side of the airport and we went round the Airport 3 times before insisting that we get out and find another taxi driver who did know the way. And all I could do was laugh because it was so funny. But some tempers were wearing thin, people were getting frustrated. And they didn’t like the fact that I wouldn’t join them in the condemnation of everything that had happened that day. From the presentations of Serge Benhayon I am finding that actually it is far less stressful on our bodies if we just allow and observe what is going on rather than diving head first into the emotion of any situation as this is just so exhausting on our bodies.
What a gorgeous example your provide of observing with honesty what life is reflecting and learning from that, instead of what most of us tend to do which is absorb the drama of it all and react to the situation.
I am sure all the others who could not use the kitchen to prepare their food had their own flavour of reflection offered to them from their angle which sounds like they also chose to gracefully “observe and not absorb” through.
A wonderful inspiring example of the way we could all respond and learn from situations in our lives.
Matts, a great story to reflect that we don’t have to go into reaction and that there is a different way when things seemingly go wrong. Great to keep reminding ourselves of this and that each moment is an opportunity to learn, evolve and connect with others.
This is so important Matts – often I have felt that when I get it ‘wrong’ – someone is just waiting to indulge in this, point it out, react etc. As an example, I fly regularly with my young baby and I get the most disgusted looks from people when I come into the cabin. They do not want to be disturbed by a baby on their flight. So I am a little tense. And if my child does cry, then I can feel and hear them venting and complaining. And it puts me in a state of constant tension. But what if we allowed each other the space to make mistakes, be on a plane with a child and actually not have to feel guilty or small or less because of our situations?
‘That you can actually look at life and let it be where it is and respond accordingly, and not react.’ This is a very beautiful way to be, no blame only learning and taking responsibility.
Being given the space to learn from our mistakes and reflect what has happened without criticism or judgement is rare these days. Great to hear you were able to learn from what was being offered to you Matts without going into overwhelm and guilt and beating yourself up which is what I can sometimes catch myself doing, less so than I used to but it can still happen.
Amazing learning Matts, love your seeing there’s more in the kitchen and not freaking out at unexpected things!
One of the most amazing people I know often says – it doesn’t matter what you do, it’s your next move that counts. As a super highly self-critical it’s always amazing to hear that life does not hold our bad or misshapen choices against us, all that matters is that our next choice is back in line with the direction we want our lives to be going in.
What a great story, Matts, yes, it is so lovely being with people who don’t overreact and who are able to go with the flow
Do we ever stop learning I feel no way, there is always something to learn from ever situation! So learning can either be healing or harming we either learn and heal or delude our-self by being in denial so you “feel that you have to get all sucked into whatever is happening around you,” or be in complete bliss and arrogant about life!
Healing starts with us being at least honest with every aspect of our lives so when an issue comes up it is worth “observing life and not absorbing it.”
When we understand that everything that happens to us as a lesson for learning, it takes the angst and stress out of it all. Super learning Matts supported by super friends all around you.
It is not until you begin to feel and experience true support that one begins to understand the enormous difference this make in every aspect of life.
So simple yet so beautiful too. Imagine if this judgement and blame free zone was extended to everyone in this world – we’d be at liberty to observ, accept and understand everything we need to, at our own pace. A great part of what you share Matts is to me, how to give others the grace to just be, we first need to give this to ourselves, so let’s embrace life’s events knowing there is no such thing as a wrong turn just something else from which we are to learn.
This is great Matts. I think from young we are taught that making mistakes is wrong and that we need to feel bad about making mistakes. I can feel the impact of that on my body and that when we go into the feeling of being wrong and bad, the true learning is actually missed out from.
So true Lieke, we are taught from young that making mistakes is wrong but actually it is the best way to learn in life as in making mistakes you learn by experience in the body that is far more superior to learning things from the head by reading books.
Great we are learning not to cry over split milk or burnt meatballs… by far the most challenging thing to deal with when such situations occur is not the situation per se but the reaction and drama that is made from it. So refreshing and simple to experience!
What an awesome experience and learning that has come from this Matts. How empowering to see this as a mistake to learn from, rather than to fall into the trap of the emotional drama of being wrong and be judging and being self critical.
” it sure was a glorious moment for me to be given the space to make my little “mistake” and to learn from it, which I did”.
A situation that could have escalated into a full blown drama with emotions running high was taken in its stride by the way you all responded. Beautiful example of The Way of The Livingness.
It really is worth listening to what we feel and not overriding it – this is something I’m developing my consistency with too…
Thank you for your story Matts, it is a normal situation to learn from in life but we have made these moments a no go and thus are putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. There is lots to appreciate in life and no reason to judge, criticise and tear us apart, by the simple fact that it is not leading us anywhere, while appreciating and honouring where we are at help us to see and realise which enables us to learn and move on.
How beautiful it is for those around us to show love and understanding when something goes wrong, rather than reacting and thinking of themselves first – the best hug ever.
That’s awesome Matts and a beautiful example of how we can learn from our feelings and the beauty of allowing ourselves to make mistakes because then that allowing extends to others.
By observing, rather than absorbing, life ‘you don’t feel that you have to get all sucked into whatever is happening around you’ – so true, Matts. I have found this revelation to be an absolute God send. As you share, it then allows the space for us to learn from what we’re experiencing, rather than getting caught up in our reactions when things don’t go quite to plan.
” That you can actually look at life and let it be where it is and respond accordingly, and not react.” These are indeed important moments, when keeping our own personal harmony is a more loving movement, which enables us to not react. This is a blessing in the heat of those moments, well done Matts.
A meatball story that could have ended up as a snowball story in other setting with other people. A great occasion to deeply appreciate The Way of The Livingness and its people.
Matts I love how everything has a meaning should we choose to be aware of it, should we pay attention and give ourselves the space to feel why something occurred, why something happened so we can learn what was going on. Just the other day I was starting the day and for the first time in years cut my finger, immediately (whilst putting on the band aid) I started to reflect on what this meant for me, how was I whilst cutting, before and what was coming up that I needed to be aware of and take real care of.
Such a playful sharing Matts and a very wise one as well. The ramifications of how people react to a situation are so potentially damaging that they can cause scars that last a lifetime. If we get screamed at as a kid for doing something that another has ‘deemed’ as being wrong then the emotional effect of that situation can bury itself like a dung beetle in the body and affect our behaviour into adulthood and beyond. If everyone was able to observe and and not absorb then that would go such a long way to supporting us all to be who we naturally are, without taking on the mountains of emotional refuse that simply is not us.
When we make mistakes, it’s so much easier to learn if we’re being supported rather than yelled at – and that includes by ourselves, also. If we bash ourselves, beat ourselves up, we stay in the smallness of the mistake and there’s no growth or learning. When we allow ourselves to not be perfect, there is room for making mistakes and learning from them, appreciating the learning offered.
Great sharing Matts, it is interesting how we often see mistakes as a bad thing and yet here is a story of how making mistakes does not have to be a big deal if we go with the understanding that there is more to learn from this, and not only for yourself but for everyone present.
A wonderful reflection of how to support people who are finding their way and don’t yet know how to do something. We can offer love and acceptance, not criticism or judgement.
Love this Matts. Life is richly rewarding when we regard experiences often called ‘mistakes’ as opportunities to learn and evolve.
Thank you Matts, you are showing us a fine and beautiful example of how there can be never a possibility to judge another or ourselves, even when the mistakes appear to be quite dramatic, we are all still people and therefore deserve not only respect but the grace of learning.
When I get caught up in reacting to a ‘mistake’ I have made then I am less open to the learning that is on offer as you so clearly illustrate with your meatball story. Thank you for sharing Matts – an illuminating Oops moment offering the opportunity for growth.
I used to feel really embarrassed, small, beat myself up and replay the scenario over and over again in my head when I made a mistake. But now, I am like you Matts, I learn from my mistakes and choose to be gentle with myself and let go of worrying about what people might think because most of the time I find people are generally really understanding.
Yes, I do that too Jane. When we share these Oops moments with an openness to learning and sharing what we’ve learnt ourselves, I find it to be very supportive. Matts’ blog is a great example of this, how sharing in this way supports us to learn and grow.
When a young child is learning to walk they frequently fall and just pick themselves up and keep learning to keep their balance and do not feel this as a mistake. As adults we tend to perceive everything that does not go as we expect as a mistake instead of appreciating it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
I know when I’m trying to make everything perfect because I get really annoyed when things go ‘wrong’ or I or someone else makes a mistake. If I catch my self I feel how hard and tense my body is and I’m holding on to the reigns trying to keep it all as I perceive it should be for what ever reason. I loved reading Matts experience because I could feel how light we can make making mistakes, and how much we can learn from them.
No need to ‘make a meal’ out of our mistakes – just to learn what is there to be learned and move on. How wonderful when we learn from these apparently mundane live events and can get on without ‘beating ourselves up’. Thanks Matts, great sharing.
Food for thought Richard?
yes some meaty ingredients here…
Yes something to get your teeth into.. Or are we just beefing around?