Divorce – A Gift of Love

by Cherise Holt, Australia

When I was 21 I married my best friend and in total we shared 11 years of our life together. Our relationship was happy and loving. We were easy going and always made sensible, grown up decisions for ourselves. We were great with our money, dedicated to our work and study, we had built our dream family home and planned out our future together. Our motto was ‘together forever’ and we would add ‘TF’ to the end of almost every text message and post-it note.

When I first saw my practitioner 20 months ago I had introduced myself, spoken about work, food, lifestyle and I slipped in “I should also mention my husband has suddenly left one month ago”. I had felt the shock of the situation but I never felt that I was a victim of it or of him. I had never asked him to come back to me because even though he struggled to give me a few reasons as to why he was leaving he had said to me “he didn’t feel like he was being himself”. Amongst the questions that I had in my own head I couldn’t deny that these words he had spoken were completely true. I could feel exactly what he meant by them and I could see it in his eyes.

The divorce process for me was nothing like I would have previously perceived one to be or had seen it play out in other relationships in life. I learnt that it was not a situation to be ashamed of or to feel we had failed. I was given the gift of grace and space to allow myself to be with me and to begin to unfold who I truly was. I have an abundant amount of appreciation for this, for I too was feeling that there was more to being me.

Once I had even nominated this to him and to those close around me, that I was looking to be more confident, yet I was still looking outside of myself for the answers. I was numbing my inner discontent with food and wanting so desperately to have a baby, for this was the next step for us and even through my numbness I could feel that this could be a solution to bring more love into our lives.

I continued with my practitioner to have Esoteric Chakra-puncture sessions and introduce new self loving ways into my life. My practitioner was supporting me but it was me choosing to become more self loving, for me. She was simply sharing the self loving ways in which she lives her life. As this self love for me was growing I was supporting myself to make true decisions. My ex husband had thanked me for being amicable through the whole process to which I replied, “I was just being me”. Friends would say have you heard from him, how is he doing, so long as you are doing a little better than him, right?!” to which I truly felt to say, “no not at all, I wish for him every happiness in his life”. Keeping in any contact with me was not his wishes, this I respected. Amazingly though I have found so much love for who he is. More love than the amount I ever held for him in over the decade we were together. In fact, as much love for him, equally so, as I now have for myself. Just this past weekend my 10 year old nephew asked of his whereabouts and why he had left, It was so lovely to share honestly with him. He asked me to name two things that I had liked about him, and before I knew it I had easily given him three.

We said ‘I love you’ and hugged each other every single day we were together, right up to the night before he left, yet those words feel so empty in comparison to the true love that I now feel. Have you ever heard the term “you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself”? This actually makes so much sense to me now.. for how could we have truly loved each other so much and yet were not connected to the great amount of love that we simply already are . .

I have discovered that I am love. I am blossoming to show this love to myself each and every day and in turn I cannot help but want to be this love to others who I know and meet.

I have received many beautiful compliments of how well I have handled this experience in my life. A doctor at my work said to a fellow nurse “wow, if this is what a divorce can bring, everyone should go through one”. What he was seeing was not the divorce exactly, but me beginning to truly take care of myself and nurture my body.

This true love I feel is creating a confidence in me and a support of myself that I had never experienced before.

I have abundant appreciation for the loving support that I have felt from my practitioners, Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and myself as I continue to unfold who I am and excitingly discover the true love that is deep within me. It is present within each of us and is the most exquisite gift you will ever receive.

149 thoughts on “Divorce – A Gift of Love

  1. Cherise it’s truly amazing how you went through your divorce, yet I know it could be the norm when humanity returns to living from the love we each innately are. Your story is another powerful reflection of how life can be with the support of what Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon offer.

    1. It is amazing in that is so different to the normal acrimonious struggle and destruction of the other in the fight over assets etc. I agree Melinda we will return to the ending of relationships being acknowledged as the completion of a stage and the foundation for the next stage.

  2. This line about the love within was highlighted to me “This true love I feel is creating a confidence in me and a support of myself that I had never experienced before.” Our own love is truly the best foundation in life. Often in relationships we can believe that it’s our partner that delivers the love, leaving us open to all kinds of needs, dependencies, attachments, and subsequent discontentment and disagreements. Supporting ourselves with our own love actually means we have more love to share and offers our relationship a firm foundation for it to flourish.

  3. “This true love I feel is creating a confidence in me and a support of myself that I had never experienced before.” I have had this experience also Cherise it is an amazing feeling to start to feel a true confidence in who you are, my development came after spending time writing down everyday how my chest area and ovaries felt, every time I checked into these areas I could feel this wonderful warmth and expansiveness that was me, everyday it was the same the consistency really unlocked the confidence in myself.

  4. This is indeed rare, when I separated from my long term relationship, I blossomed and was truly blessed to feel how life was when I begun to make more loving and committed choices. I wish the best for him but it was far from the composed and amicable situation you describe. Thank you for sharing your story for others to be inspired by.

  5. This is how it can be for everyone.
    A separation or divorce isn’t a battle with a person you were once in a partnership with… no.

    It is a time of change that may offer you platforms for both to blossom.

  6. Its beautiful to hear the honouring you have maintained in the divorce… I know this well. When things do breakdown, do we look to the worst in ourselves: the blame, the anger, the bitter disappointment, and have that as our parting gift. Or is there an alternative: respect, support, growth and an opportunity for healing for both parties? As I grow, I want more love in my life, and that has to be expressed with everyone in every situation.

  7. What you share here Cherise shows us all that from the end of anything new beginnings can sprout and if nourished, thrive.

  8. Cherise what you have shared here is exquisite and exposes the myth that divorce is a messy and painful experience. It is definitely for some, but not in all circumstances and in fact it can be very healing for all concerned as I am feeling with your own experience Cherise.

  9. This take on divorce is absolutely extraordinary and shows how beautiful and expansive even the most distressing of circumstances can be if we choose to love ourselves and take responsibility for our choices.

  10. You have to appreciate the honesty of your ex-husband ending your relationships because he ‘didn’t feel himself’. Your experience Cherise is actually making me wonder how many people in the world are in relationships feeling that same way and just ignoring what they are feeling and going round and round each day in misery.

  11. Cherise, it is inspiring to read about how you took the responsibility to uncover the deeper meaning of what was being revealed to you during your divorce process, and how you accepted the love and healing that was being offered to you, through this life changing event.

  12. There is so much beauty in our explorations of life and our experiences and when we see that through our responsibility to make self loving choices we bring so much love and understanding for all others too. This is truly a gift. Thank you Cherise.

  13. Such a beautiful and inspiring story Cherise. I agree with the doctor’s comment. If a divorce can look like that – then WOW!!

  14. Marriage or not, divorce or not?…. these are not the big decisions in life, for the answers to these questions will come with us developing a deeper, loving connection with ourselves.

  15. Cherise I only can agree what this doctor was saying: “wow, if this is what a divorce can bring, everyone should go through one”. You have showed the world another way to handle a divorce and that is very inspirational – thank you for not holding back such a gift.

  16. Thank-you for sharing this here Cherise. Reading your words I find it very powerful that the acknowledgement has been made that there was ‘more’ of who you are to embrace and discover, and ‘more’ to both you and your former husband. Many would be challenged by this, for the ‘ideal picture’ of the life you’ve described you had created together is something so strongly aspired to – yet in whatever life we choose, we are always given the option to connect with whether it is actually true, or not. Are we simply playing roles? Because it feels safe and secure? Is the love deep and real – both within oneself and between each other? Or has life become about going through the motions…
    Personally, I would far rather a life of truth and founded in true love, than a hiding away of myself in a comfortable norm…

  17. Having also experienced a marriage break up and divorce that was deeply respectful, with no blame or discord, I can appreciate what you’ve shared here Cherise. I recall a family member becoming super-tensed up at the prospect of both my former husband and new partner being at the same event – this family member expecting there to be ‘fisticuffs’! Boy did they get to see a very different scenario, when the two men and myself spent a great part of the day conversing very openly – with no tension between us…
    We can most certainly redefine the expectations around any break-up, by the way that we ourselves are and the responsibility we take. And what a blessing this can be to all who surround us.

  18. “for how could we have truly loved each other so much and yet were not connected to the great amount of love that we simply already are?” If this could be the starting point to marriage I daresay there would be less divorce.

  19. When we accept that divorce is a letting go of a relationship that is not bringing joy to the marriage then it is not the people who are divorcing but letting go of the choices that each has been making.

  20. Such a great sharing that shows us that divorce does not have to be ugly, angry and bitter but that if we are prepared to honestly look at why the time has come to separate that this time can be “a gift of love”. What a lot of energy and angst people would save it they were able to look at this phase through non-judgmental and loving eyes.

  21. It’s so common to settle into a relationship that is comfortable and ticks the boxes – it’s normal to ‘put up’ with each other and tolerate the indifferences. Your experience Cherise clearly shows, that even the most loving relationship that totally looks the part on the outside can be empty and void of true evolution. If there is no relationship with ourselves then we are allowing that emptiness to continue in all our other relationships.

  22. As much as I know it would have hurt and been a shock Cherise, the honesty of your ex-husband when he said “he didn’t feel like he was being himself” in your relationship would have taken a lot of courage to even feel, let alone to say. When we don’t feel ourselves it leaves us open to be who we aren’t and to continue living patterns and behaviours that also aren’t us which in turn provides a foundation that will never allow any relationship to live to its full potential

  23. What I love about your blog Cherise is how clear you are in showing that the way it turned out was due to your loving choices. A situation is so dependent on how we chose to see it, and whether we wish to see what is on offer to learn and grow from.

  24. WOW Cherise this is stunning. There is such clarity in not only how you write this experience but the clarity in how you have lived this. There has been no drama, no sabotage, no self-loathing, no resentment, no bitterness, no anger, no wanting to numb yourself. You are a true inspriation … really. In just being open, willing and love all the way. Not always an easy thing to do but you have reflected to the world what is possible when breaking up with someone you have loved and been with for a while.

    1. Great comment Vicky. The way Cherise responded to her divorce is deeply inspiring. It is very rare to hear about divorce that feels so loving, often they are filled with drama, anger and bitterness. Unfortunately this is where a majority of humanity are hooked into and as a result we see and hear about a lot of loveless behaviors towards each other. So, it is refreshing and inspiring to read Cherise’s blog about divorce being a gift of love.

  25. One thing that saddens me in this world is the lack of honesty we have with each other. We play along with a lie that lives within so another doesn’t have to face their own lie. We save them from pain but in truth create more. I have lived this experience and now being out the other side can see how lies can only hurt, never heal.

  26. What you seem to have been able to do so beautifully here is just allow yourself to feel, without creating a story or a drama to meet other peoples expectations of the situation, you have also managed to remain steady and haven’t gone with others comments out of uncomfortably, these things alone are super inspiring, thank you for sharing a part of your life as personal as this so generously.

  27. Often divorce is the best thing. Staying together despite making each other unhappy is harming to all and blocks healing. I did the latter for 25 years because of the ideals that marriage was for life and you should stay together for the children. Both of these are untrue and caused me much misery.

  28. Cherise, the way you dealt with your divorce was certainly a gift of love. There was not one ounce of sadness, blame, anger or bitterness. You had accepted the divorce from a place of love and have developed a deep level of love for yourself. You are hugely inspiring Cherise and you have shared with us a beautiful example of being ourselves in any situation is the key to love.

  29. Thank you Cherise for a beautiful sharing, showing us how divorce can be done in a loving and respectful manner, as we strengthen our own love for ourselves this clearly shows in our interactions with others.

  30. “even though he struggled to give me a few reasons as to why he was leaving he had said to me “he didn’t feel like he was being himself”.” This is very honest, relationships can get comfortable and in that we can totally lose ourselves. By comfortable I mean that you are staying at a certain level for instance always eating the same meals even though we notice we actually react to the food. Or saying that we love each other but not expressing it in different ways so it does not deepen. We are here to naturally evolve to more expression of love, truth, harmony, stillness, joy and sacredness, if we don’t we are not ourselves and at some points it is more loving to then part and not stay together as that can be making you very ill.

  31. We hold ourselves to many ideals of what something should look like and marriage falls into that category. You are suppose to be happy and be together for ever and if something is wrong you work on it. What I found is that like many things how we look at marriage being is upside down or inside out, whichever way you want to look at it. Many things including the way you get married, the place, the people around you, your upbringing, how you see things, all play a part in everything you do there after. It’s not a big commitment to get married, it’s just simply commitment and how you choose to be in that commitment reflects in how the married or relationship is. We place extra pressure around things like marriage and so when it comes to divorce or the thought of divorce there is a shame and people again hold a picture of what must have happened. We always, always need to check thoughts around things especially if we haven’t even had direct contact with the people that the thoughts are about. Thoughts aren’t grounded and so if you are following what you think then you are being lead to a place that may not support any of us.

  32. This article has the potential to redefine the word ‘divorce’. It has such a stigma to it, of bitter rows and wrangling with lawyers – yet I could feel my heart fill up when re-reading this again. To hold another in love, to take the opportunity to work on one’s own relationship with love, to use the situation for growth rather than bitterness and pain. It becomes a rich experience, full of potential.

  33. There is so much emotional reaction around divorce that it is refreshing to read about ending a relationship in appreciation of everything that was learned. This appreciation takes away any negative connotations around divorce and allows for true support to be felt by both parties.

  34. Ending a relationship that was more of an arrangement than a relationship is never a negative thing. An ending of an arrangement offers both an opportunity to re-establish themselves and expand within themselves.

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