by Cherise Holt, Australia
When I was 21 I married my best friend and in total we shared 11 years of our life together. Our relationship was happy and loving. We were easy going and always made sensible, grown up decisions for ourselves. We were great with our money, dedicated to our work and study, we had built our dream family home and planned out our future together. Our motto was ‘together forever’ and we would add ‘TF’ to the end of almost every text message and post-it note.
When I first saw my practitioner 20 months ago I had introduced myself, spoken about work, food, lifestyle and I slipped in “I should also mention my husband has suddenly left one month ago”. I had felt the shock of the situation but I never felt that I was a victim of it or of him. I had never asked him to come back to me because even though he struggled to give me a few reasons as to why he was leaving he had said to me “he didn’t feel like he was being himself”. Amongst the questions that I had in my own head I couldn’t deny that these words he had spoken were completely true. I could feel exactly what he meant by them and I could see it in his eyes.
The divorce process for me was nothing like I would have previously perceived one to be or had seen it play out in other relationships in life. I learnt that it was not a situation to be ashamed of or to feel we had failed. I was given the gift of grace and space to allow myself to be with me and to begin to unfold who I truly was. I have an abundant amount of appreciation for this, for I too was feeling that there was more to being me.
Once I had even nominated this to him and to those close around me, that I was looking to be more confident, yet I was still looking outside of myself for the answers. I was numbing my inner discontent with food and wanting so desperately to have a baby, for this was the next step for us and even through my numbness I could feel that this could be a solution to bring more love into our lives.
I continued with my practitioner to have Esoteric Chakra-puncture sessions and introduce new self loving ways into my life. My practitioner was supporting me but it was me choosing to become more self loving, for me. She was simply sharing the self loving ways in which she lives her life. As this self love for me was growing I was supporting myself to make true decisions. My ex husband had thanked me for being amicable through the whole process to which I replied, “I was just being me”. Friends would say “have you heard from him, how is he doing, so long as you are doing a little better than him, right?!” to which I truly felt to say, “no not at all, I wish for him every happiness in his life”. Keeping in any contact with me was not his wishes, this I respected. Amazingly though I have found so much love for who he is. More love than the amount I ever held for him in over the decade we were together. In fact, as much love for him, equally so, as I now have for myself. Just this past weekend my 10 year old nephew asked of his whereabouts and why he had left, It was so lovely to share honestly with him. He asked me to name two things that I had liked about him, and before I knew it I had easily given him three.
We said ‘I love you’ and hugged each other every single day we were together, right up to the night before he left, yet those words feel so empty in comparison to the true love that I now feel. Have you ever heard the term “you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself”? This actually makes so much sense to me now.. for how could we have truly loved each other so much and yet were not connected to the great amount of love that we simply already are . .
I have discovered that I am love. I am blossoming to show this love to myself each and every day and in turn I cannot help but want to be this love to others who I know and meet.
I have received many beautiful compliments of how well I have handled this experience in my life. A doctor at my work said to a fellow nurse “wow, if this is what a divorce can bring, everyone should go through one”. What he was seeing was not the divorce exactly, but me beginning to truly take care of myself and nurture my body.
This true love I feel is creating a confidence in me and a support of myself that I had never experienced before.
I have abundant appreciation for the loving support that I have felt from my practitioners, Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and myself as I continue to unfold who I am and excitingly discover the true love that is deep within me. It is present within each of us and is the most exquisite gift you will ever receive.
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
If a divorce is made out of love then it’s great instead of it being done in reaction to there being more love to deepen into.
I am discovering that we generally lack of tools to express the small and deep hurts we feel that means there are festering wounds that deepen till they come out like a putrid mess. The relationship we have with ourselves is fundamental to recognising when something hurts and offers the opportunity for expression on both sides without such fundamental breakdowns.
Divorce does not need to be vitriolic, it is the hurts that we feel from the lack of expression throughout the relationship that feed the self-preservation behaviour. I do feel that if we learnt to express how we feel more, there would be less build up and separation and divorce could be more of a mutual understanding as yours came to be.
“I was given the gift of grace and space to allow myself to be with me and to begin to unfold who I truly was.” – So often marriages get filled with so many activities with each other and children that are actually used as distractions to not really get in touch with and feel who we truly are inside, rather than use outer accomplishments, activities, and roles to identify us; which always seems to result in an unsettlement and emptiness.
Why people opt out of a marriage is always personal. Unless there is mutual agreement, the situation is often the result of the wish of one of the parts. When this happens, the situation is a difficult one since you have to cope with a decision of being unchosen. The hurt that this situation evokes provokes an instant reduction of the whole of life to this point. It is very easy to get lost in this sea of emotional drama in which you are seemingly required to change how you feel for the other one and stop loving him/her. That is easily done if hurts were triggered or provoked, but not that easy if this did not happen. The point is that divorces always confront with what did you truly feel for the other one and independently of what you got in exchange for your love, it is your privilege to choose whether to remain true to that feeling or to change it.
Something I learnt recently is that I observed two of my ex-partners move into new relationships. One moved into a relationship that is very gorgeous and loving and one moved into a relationship where he is less of himself. I was surprised by what I felt when I observed this. I was more affected by the partner who moved into the relationship where he was less of himself – it was devastating to feel what he had chosen. The other partner I felt total joy because he stepped into something I was inspired by and could feel the love and truth in it and could feel how by this choice we would get more of him.
I feel that once we begin to discover what is true within ourselves it’s easy to let go of what’s not, and to understand others as well.
Love can be found behind and beyond any form or picture by which we may had been living, as love is what remains after all.
“I have discovered that I am love. I am blossoming to show this love to myself each and every day and in turn I cannot help but want to be this love to others who I know and meet.”
This is so very true, the more love I hold myself with the more love I share with others. This feels so beautiful, as no amount of telling another you love them comes even close to saying nothing but feeling absolute love for another.
This is a great sharing Cherise, to actually honour each other and admit that your relationship was stoping each of you from being who you truly are, and through the space divorce has offered you a chance to reconnect to the love you truly are.
This is such a beautiful, and deeply inspiring blog. I love what you say about how being self-loving supports us making true decisions. It is very beautiful to feel your commitment to live in this way.
A beautiful testament of how truly loving it is to honor truth in our relationships, as through this act of love, evolution is the gift that is offered.
In this article I can feel that the key to ‘going through’ any challenging situation in life is to bring to it all of ourselves. To love ourselves dearly and be able to understand the situation we find ourselves in and most importantly surrender to the true path of living love in our lives that our bodies desperately want to live by.
Bringing it back to our relationship with ourselves is key, for otherwise it can be all too easy to demand from another what we are not prepared to live for ourselves.
We are each walking our way back to love… It is always super inspiring when you are around people who do not hold back all the love they are.
This blog touched me deeply Cherise, in fact it brought tears to my eyes. It is beautiful that you stood so strongly in the love that you are at a time that you could have easily moved in quite the opposite direction.
We cannot find true confidence outside of ourselves, we will only go into a picture of what we think confidence is. Once we build a loving relationship with ourselves, our way of being with ourselves changes and confidence will be naturally there from within.
A blessing indeed…When we consider that every relationship is a personal opportunity for deeper learning about ourselves and others, there can be no fight, only a forever developing understanding.
Admitting that we don’t feel like we are being ourselves is a wonderful opportunity to start reconnecting back to ourselves.
A very honest account of how we can lose ourselves in relationships. To have the strength and honesty to express this and walk away, is an opening, not an end, and sets each person free to truly find themselves,
Relationships do die if we don’t hold up our part. And if we don’t love ourselves, impossible to truly love another. I too have experienced how the ending of a relationship created space for me to heal, find and truly love myself. In the relationship I needed to be loved. Today, I know I am love, no one can give me the depth of love I now have for myself and for others.
The truth is when we love ourselves deeper and is in rhythm with our relationship with God/our Soul, this love will always be felt by another and there is then the choice for others to accept this rhythm in their lives or not. Leaving this rhythm to be with another, our love will always be built on unsteady grounds.
This is such a beautiful account of how loving and graceful a divorce can be handled, allowing the space for both people to grow and be more of who they truly are. With honesty and acceptance, there need not be pain, stress or strain in relationships.
I am forever in awe of what it truly feels like to love another and at times that means to step away and let them be. To do so with the grace that is shared in this article is a point of reference for anyone finding themselves in a similar situation.
What a gift to read this today and what a lesson about what divorce can look like, how it doesn’t need to be full of vitriol, regret, resentment even greed. Thank you, I hope it inspires us all to consider our relationships and how we choose to be in those relationships regardless of their status.
Getting this in the process of a divorce imagine what could be found bringing this into a partner relationship.
Ending a relationship that was more of an arrangement than a relationship is never a negative thing. An ending of an arrangement offers both an opportunity to re-establish themselves and expand within themselves.
This article has the potential to redefine the word ‘divorce’. It has such a stigma to it, of bitter rows and wrangling with lawyers – yet I could feel my heart fill up when re-reading this again. To hold another in love, to take the opportunity to work on one’s own relationship with love, to use the situation for growth rather than bitterness and pain. It becomes a rich experience, full of potential.
We hold ourselves to many ideals of what something should look like and marriage falls into that category. You are suppose to be happy and be together for ever and if something is wrong you work on it. What I found is that like many things how we look at marriage being is upside down or inside out, whichever way you want to look at it. Many things including the way you get married, the place, the people around you, your upbringing, how you see things, all play a part in everything you do there after. It’s not a big commitment to get married, it’s just simply commitment and how you choose to be in that commitment reflects in how the married or relationship is. We place extra pressure around things like marriage and so when it comes to divorce or the thought of divorce there is a shame and people again hold a picture of what must have happened. We always, always need to check thoughts around things especially if we haven’t even had direct contact with the people that the thoughts are about. Thoughts aren’t grounded and so if you are following what you think then you are being lead to a place that may not support any of us.
“even though he struggled to give me a few reasons as to why he was leaving he had said to me “he didn’t feel like he was being himself”.” This is very honest, relationships can get comfortable and in that we can totally lose ourselves. By comfortable I mean that you are staying at a certain level for instance always eating the same meals even though we notice we actually react to the food. Or saying that we love each other but not expressing it in different ways so it does not deepen. We are here to naturally evolve to more expression of love, truth, harmony, stillness, joy and sacredness, if we don’t we are not ourselves and at some points it is more loving to then part and not stay together as that can be making you very ill.
When someone speaks truth, even if it is really inconvenient, we cannot but feel it and honour it.
Thank you Cherise for a beautiful sharing, showing us how divorce can be done in a loving and respectful manner, as we strengthen our own love for ourselves this clearly shows in our interactions with others.
Cherise, the way you dealt with your divorce was certainly a gift of love. There was not one ounce of sadness, blame, anger or bitterness. You had accepted the divorce from a place of love and have developed a deep level of love for yourself. You are hugely inspiring Cherise and you have shared with us a beautiful example of being ourselves in any situation is the key to love.
What you seem to have been able to do so beautifully here is just allow yourself to feel, without creating a story or a drama to meet other peoples expectations of the situation, you have also managed to remain steady and haven’t gone with others comments out of uncomfortably, these things alone are super inspiring, thank you for sharing a part of your life as personal as this so generously.
One thing that saddens me in this world is the lack of honesty we have with each other. We play along with a lie that lives within so another doesn’t have to face their own lie. We save them from pain but in truth create more. I have lived this experience and now being out the other side can see how lies can only hurt, never heal.
WOW Cherise this is stunning. There is such clarity in not only how you write this experience but the clarity in how you have lived this. There has been no drama, no sabotage, no self-loathing, no resentment, no bitterness, no anger, no wanting to numb yourself. You are a true inspriation … really. In just being open, willing and love all the way. Not always an easy thing to do but you have reflected to the world what is possible when breaking up with someone you have loved and been with for a while.
Great comment Vicky. The way Cherise responded to her divorce is deeply inspiring. It is very rare to hear about divorce that feels so loving, often they are filled with drama, anger and bitterness. Unfortunately this is where a majority of humanity are hooked into and as a result we see and hear about a lot of loveless behaviors towards each other. So, it is refreshing and inspiring to read Cherise’s blog about divorce being a gift of love.
What I love about your blog Cherise is how clear you are in showing that the way it turned out was due to your loving choices. A situation is so dependent on how we chose to see it, and whether we wish to see what is on offer to learn and grow from.
As much as I know it would have hurt and been a shock Cherise, the honesty of your ex-husband when he said “he didn’t feel like he was being himself” in your relationship would have taken a lot of courage to even feel, let alone to say. When we don’t feel ourselves it leaves us open to be who we aren’t and to continue living patterns and behaviours that also aren’t us which in turn provides a foundation that will never allow any relationship to live to its full potential
It’s so common to settle into a relationship that is comfortable and ticks the boxes – it’s normal to ‘put up’ with each other and tolerate the indifferences. Your experience Cherise clearly shows, that even the most loving relationship that totally looks the part on the outside can be empty and void of true evolution. If there is no relationship with ourselves then we are allowing that emptiness to continue in all our other relationships.
Such a great sharing that shows us that divorce does not have to be ugly, angry and bitter but that if we are prepared to honestly look at why the time has come to separate that this time can be “a gift of love”. What a lot of energy and angst people would save it they were able to look at this phase through non-judgmental and loving eyes.
When we accept that divorce is a letting go of a relationship that is not bringing joy to the marriage then it is not the people who are divorcing but letting go of the choices that each has been making.
“for how could we have truly loved each other so much and yet were not connected to the great amount of love that we simply already are?” If this could be the starting point to marriage I daresay there would be less divorce.
Divorce is a tough experience, but when it is done with harmony, it is a blessing for everyone.
Having also experienced a marriage break up and divorce that was deeply respectful, with no blame or discord, I can appreciate what you’ve shared here Cherise. I recall a family member becoming super-tensed up at the prospect of both my former husband and new partner being at the same event – this family member expecting there to be ‘fisticuffs’! Boy did they get to see a very different scenario, when the two men and myself spent a great part of the day conversing very openly – with no tension between us…
We can most certainly redefine the expectations around any break-up, by the way that we ourselves are and the responsibility we take. And what a blessing this can be to all who surround us.
Thank-you for sharing this here Cherise. Reading your words I find it very powerful that the acknowledgement has been made that there was ‘more’ of who you are to embrace and discover, and ‘more’ to both you and your former husband. Many would be challenged by this, for the ‘ideal picture’ of the life you’ve described you had created together is something so strongly aspired to – yet in whatever life we choose, we are always given the option to connect with whether it is actually true, or not. Are we simply playing roles? Because it feels safe and secure? Is the love deep and real – both within oneself and between each other? Or has life become about going through the motions…
Personally, I would far rather a life of truth and founded in true love, than a hiding away of myself in a comfortable norm…
Cherise I only can agree what this doctor was saying: “wow, if this is what a divorce can bring, everyone should go through one”. You have showed the world another way to handle a divorce and that is very inspirational – thank you for not holding back such a gift.
Marriage or not, divorce or not?…. these are not the big decisions in life, for the answers to these questions will come with us developing a deeper, loving connection with ourselves.
A divorce .. to the marrying of self and the love that you are. It’s The Way.
Love seems to be the topic for me right now so very timely for me to read what you share here.
Such a beautiful and inspiring story Cherise. I agree with the doctor’s comment. If a divorce can look like that – then WOW!!
There is so much beauty in our explorations of life and our experiences and when we see that through our responsibility to make self loving choices we bring so much love and understanding for all others too. This is truly a gift. Thank you Cherise.
You have to appreciate the honesty of your ex-husband ending your relationships because he ‘didn’t feel himself’. Your experience Cherise is actually making me wonder how many people in the world are in relationships feeling that same way and just ignoring what they are feeling and going round and round each day in misery.
This take on divorce is absolutely extraordinary and shows how beautiful and expansive even the most distressing of circumstances can be if we choose to love ourselves and take responsibility for our choices.
Cherise what you have shared here is exquisite and exposes the myth that divorce is a messy and painful experience. It is definitely for some, but not in all circumstances and in fact it can be very healing for all concerned as I am feeling with your own experience Cherise.
What you share here Cherise shows us all that from the end of anything new beginnings can sprout and if nourished, thrive.
Its beautiful to hear the honouring you have maintained in the divorce… I know this well. When things do breakdown, do we look to the worst in ourselves: the blame, the anger, the bitter disappointment, and have that as our parting gift. Or is there an alternative: respect, support, growth and an opportunity for healing for both parties? As I grow, I want more love in my life, and that has to be expressed with everyone in every situation.
This is how it can be for everyone.
A separation or divorce isn’t a battle with a person you were once in a partnership with… no.
It is a time of change that may offer you platforms for both to blossom.
This is indeed rare, when I separated from my long term relationship, I blossomed and was truly blessed to feel how life was when I begun to make more loving and committed choices. I wish the best for him but it was far from the composed and amicable situation you describe. Thank you for sharing your story for others to be inspired by.
“This true love I feel is creating a confidence in me and a support of myself that I had never experienced before.” I have had this experience also Cherise it is an amazing feeling to start to feel a true confidence in who you are, my development came after spending time writing down everyday how my chest area and ovaries felt, every time I checked into these areas I could feel this wonderful warmth and expansiveness that was me, everyday it was the same the consistency really unlocked the confidence in myself.
This is a really beautiful sharing and amazing understanding that you showed each other.
This line about the love within was highlighted to me “This true love I feel is creating a confidence in me and a support of myself that I had never experienced before.” Our own love is truly the best foundation in life. Often in relationships we can believe that it’s our partner that delivers the love, leaving us open to all kinds of needs, dependencies, attachments, and subsequent discontentment and disagreements. Supporting ourselves with our own love actually means we have more love to share and offers our relationship a firm foundation for it to flourish.
Cherise it’s truly amazing how you went through your divorce, yet I know it could be the norm when humanity returns to living from the love we each innately are. Your story is another powerful reflection of how life can be with the support of what Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon offer.
It is amazing in that is so different to the normal acrimonious struggle and destruction of the other in the fight over assets etc. I agree Melinda we will return to the ending of relationships being acknowledged as the completion of a stage and the foundation for the next stage.
It is really confirming for me to read what you shared Vanessa, about the ending of relationships potentially simply being the end of a stage that allows the space for the next level to come into one’s life. All too often I have questioned or doubted why I ended certain relationships, by considering one being the building block for another feels true to me now.
It is really beautiful to feel the love you have been developing within yourself and also the love you have for your partner come through your words as you shared your story. There is no doubt that a divorce can be deeply healing when the love you share is not put aside for a moment.
It feels like you both felt and knew the truth and we’re ready to accept it. There is a great love that holds and supports us and it is there equally for all. Reading your story Cherise, I feel that by deeply loving yourself, you allowed the awesome support of this love.
This is such a beautiful story of what love does. It is such a beautiful quality when truly lived, and gives us the opportunity to see this in everyone around.
Cherise, it is beautiful to read how you found your own love from within, and at the same time realising that before we can truly love another, we have to love ourselves first.
Over comfort you choose truth, this is beautiful Cherise and a decision that should be celebrated. How amazing you have been able to be love throughout your divorce and to show others that when we connect to the love inside we flourish! Thank you for this super inspiring blog.
I am in awe of how beautifully you dealt with what most if not everybody else would take years to recover from. Is this not the greatest form of love – to allow another the freedom to make their choice without imposing our needs onto them?
A beautiful sharing Cherise. This shows the changes that true self love can bring to our lives. It’s inspirational to read of the depth of love you have for your ex-husband as a result of reconnecting “…to the great amount of love that we simply already are….”
Wow, the grace I can feel in this blog is amazing Cherise. This is truly inspiring.
This is a beautiful example of true self-love, it changes everything. It makes it possible to share this love with others as well, and honour them in their choices.
This is a beautiful story of reacquainting with oneself as true love. Thank you for sharing, Cherise. It’s gorgeous to feel your appreciation for all that has happened for you to find yourself where you are now.
“This true love I feel is creating a confidence in me and a support of myself that I had never experienced before.”
Supporting myself has never been my strong point, however thanks to beautiful articles like this and to Universal Medicine, this imbalance is gradually being addressed 🙂
When divorcing means marrying yourself it is truly recommendable. Of course we may not need to divorce our partners necessarily to become the real ME and can as well develop deeper levels of love with our self and our partner at the same time. But marrying oneself is definitely the way to go.
Thank you Cherise. I can’t get over this story, I think it is absolutely amazing. Even though it feels completely natural, it certainly isn’t the norm.
I still feel a thorn in my side from a relationship I actually ended myself, because of the very reason that I was not being my true self. It was an amazingly loving and amicable break up, but the moment we parted, all contact from him ceased and he very quickly moved on to another relationship.
There are still remnants of the hurt, and I realise it’s because while we were together, I used him to validate my own existance, so by no longer speaking to me, I’ve interpreted that as; I’m no longer valid.
I’ve spent the last year and a half re-building my relationship with myself, and it’s been a great experience, and something I look forward to taking with me should there be another relationship. It’s a work in progress.
Thank you Cherise for sharing your beautiful journey of love,being the love we are and letting others be is accepting the fact we are in love.
Cherise I can really appreciate the grace and love you offered yourself and your ex-husband in your parting. How truly inspiring for other couples who find themselves in the same situation!
Beautifully awesome Cherise. Before I attended any universal medicine events I had had two boyfriends say the term to me “you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself” it use to annoy me and I wouldn’t understand. Now that I do, I makes all the sense in the world.
Cherise every word you have written embodies the love that you have found yourself to be. The very flow of your writing shows the way that love unfolds us if we open to it.
A very beautiful blog, thank you.
Not many would think that love between two people could deepen by being divorced but this is how love truly works .. It is all about the true quality of connection.
Reading your account and experiences, written so openly and honestly, is touching and it offers an alternative conversation concerning relationships and divorce “I have discovered that I am love. I am blossoming to show this love to myself each and every day and in turn I cannot help but want to be this love to others who I know and meet.” I appreciate this quote deeply from reading the lived experience in your article and also through a knowing in life, that learning to l love myself has been transformative and lead naturally to sharing love openly with others.
Cherise, you have provided a great example of what true self love is, not only in how you now have a deep appreciation of yourself, but also in the way you are able to hold your ex-husband equally in that love.
Cherise this was just so beautiful to read… an intimate sharing of love lost and gained that I feel blessed to have read.
Wow pretty cool!! Saying the real I do – to ourselves
Cherise this is such an exquisite expression as you so beautifully share how embracing the true you opened you up to the love that we all are and all hold. I feel the true gift of your divorce was the gift to each other to be the true you. I can see that we each have the opportunity to gift the true us to ourselves by choosing as you did to loving nurturing ourselves and live from that love that lies within.
As we embrace ourselves, our bodies and self love, our relationships to others change, and become more real and truthful. The need we have for others to love us or like us changes and the other simply becomes a confirmation of the love we feel ourselves to be.
Wow Cherise… I am so inspired by how you have handled a situation like that and you have not been left damaged or feeling lost without him. That’s absolutely awesome!
Wow…. Cherise this is an amazing blog, very powerful and inspiring. I can feel the love and gentleness in every word. It is extremely beautiful to read and healing.
Great line Cherise: “for how could we have truly loved each other so much and yet were not connected to the great amount of love that we simply already are”… connection to our innate love is what allows the strength to be there, to hold and to steady in times of turbulence – your story of divorce is testament to this fact of true love, thank you for your inspiring grace.
I have been in a relationship for 14 years and this line that you’ve highlighted Zofia, I feel is something for me to reflect and ponder on. I am at the beginning of discovering what true love really means in a relationship.
This is indeed a beautiful line, it shows then illusion of emotional love, connecting to that what we already are is the answer, it brings such a simplicity to life and relationships.
This is beautiful Cherise, the love that you are is palpable. I love this part ~ “My practitioner was supporting me but it was me choosing to become more self loving, for me.” We are blessed to have the true support of the esoteric healing modalities that helps us establish a re-connection with our own inner wisdom and then the choice to develop a loving self relationship begins… until one day you are so full of self-love that you know that your love is here for all and you no longer keep it to yourself!
I’m so inspired by what you have written here Cherise. The divorce, as you describe it felt like a most loving decision to make. The way you handled it was also a testament to how loving you were even before embarking on your journey of self-love. You’re amazing.
Amazing! Totally inspiring. I’ve always known it to be possible to have a healthy perspective on break ups/ divorces. Of course every situation is different, and often there is a lot of hurt that needs to be healed before the true love can come through, but it’s absolutely within us all.
What an awesome very touching and honest blog Cherise , it is amazing how much you have evolved and allowed all this through self love, healing and acceptance . It is like a breath of fresh air to read this in comparison to the many stories you hear about divorce loaded with hurts and the pain of the unresolved.
Your acceptance of the situation (and yourself) feels so Beautiful Cherise.
Thank you Cherise, an amazing example of how love works, maybe the doctor in your office should try love not divorce.
Great comment Greg, it reminds me to do the same too.
What you divorced was a way of not being you. How cool that you became able to appreciate the love that is you, and to stop looking outside for more.
Brilliant Cherise how you have brought to light a subject that is usually taboo or swept under the carpet. You show us how all of life’s events and incidents carry with them an opportunity to return to truth. When we make this choice we all benefit and grow, the statement from the doctor you mention is a lovely testament to that fact. It’s beautiful to witness you blossom.
Thank you Marian and Jill, I agree my life and relationships have divinely grown exponentially thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon.
Thank you for sharing your experience of going through a divorce Cherise, it never made sense to me to do your best to hurt the person you ‘loved’ for so many years but that is what so many expect. You have shown that there is a completely different way to approach this which is much more loving for everyone involved.
Wow this is another gold number Cherise! Truly! How you dealt with your divorce is literally unheard of. Instead of choosing resentment, animosity self-pity you choose love – self-love with a huge amount of grace. Beautiful and absolutely inspiring
This is beautiful! How much we can grow out of change in our lives- what an amazing opportunity to start a true relationship with yourself first. I am sure all your following relationships will benefit from that development.
This is a story for us all to learn from, how we don’t come from neediness but from a willingness to see what is true and keep the heart open.
It is a great gift you share here, Cherise. That true love is not dependent upon another but that we are love ourselves and it is to express that love rather than expecting and needing to be loved.
Cherise, there is no blaming, just understanding and thus you allow yourself to truly love. This is a masterpiece for all couples.
Thank you for sharing this Cherise. It is amazing that we can say that we love someone without truly knowing what love is. And how can we love another without first loving ourselves? I have found that as my self love deepens so does my love for others.
What a truly beautiful story. The love we often experience with partners before developing awareness around what love truly means still feels very real at the time. What I felt was the grace you handled your divorce with and the deepening relationship you developed with yourself that came from you seeking support and honouring who you are.
Loved reading your blog Cherise. To go through a divorce is never easy, but I did also some 15 years ago. There was pain and upset in the family, but we are still family and always will be. To find the love that is still there and actually like each other as friends took time and commitment, but is so worthwhile and a real growing experience.
Cherise, you are an inspiration and have shown an excellent example of how loving, respecting and responsible people deal with situations. Leaving a trail of love, harmony and respect.
Reading this blog I see how easy it is to get stuck in a ‘rut’ in relationships. I see a lot of couples go through it and I’ve been through it also, where things get nice and cozy and fun or happy but there is a couple of key ingredients missing, true and deep love and evolution. It’s natural to grow and change and develop as an individual and this doesn’t stop just because you start a relationship. I feel a lot of problems in relationship is lacking communication and understanding for both partners to be constantly unfolding and changing. When the communication and understanding is there then there is an opportunity to grow together, in the awareness you hold as a couple and as an individual.
Thankyou Cherise. What you have shared so honestly shows us all that their is another way to end our relationships without the spite and the jealously, the drama and hostility. Without the battle to defeat and ruin each other in that same process. By you sharing your experience others now know this is also possible for them too. To be able to begin again with an appreciation of what you have learned, and with this appreciation lay new foundations that supports you to build the next level of your life upon.
This is a great gift Cherise. The process leading to a divorce may be very difficult. This was certainly my experience. In that road, I discovered a few things that are worth sharing: the why is as important as the the choices people make in those circumstances. They do make a difference. For me it was always very clear that I had to be myself as much as possible during the process. Support is also something very important in those circumstances. A support that is able to reflect back to you that there is so much in life waiting for you is an awesome support too.
Incredible Cherise. I loved reading…”What he was seeing was not the divorce exactly, but me beginning to truly take care of myself and nurture my body…” How beautiful to take this time to truly nurture and care for yourself as opposed to the normal falling off the rails emotional dump that we have grown accustomed to associating divorcees with. An inspiration for many to come I’m sure.
Cherise, what you have expressed here with such honesty is beautiful to read. The way you treated yourself with so much love and nurturing is very inspiring – Thank you.
Wow Cherise if everyone had a loving divorce like you and your ex-husband had, there maybe a few bankrupt solicitors.
A beautiful sharing Cherise. I love how you came to the realization “..for how could we have truly loved each other so much and yet were not connected to the great amount of love that we simply are..” The connection to your self love is truly inspiring.
It seems our hurts can override the love that is on offer and send people down a path of reaction and resentment with little to no learning. If divorce could be looked upon as divorcing ourselves of the hurts that live within, not ignoring them but dealing with them, it would take ourselves closer to the inner clarity that is possible and open up a rich and fulfilling relationship with ourselves and the next person that takes our hand.
The facade we can live pretending all is ok in life and that we have it all, when really we are lacking our own love is so common. The courage your husband had to stand up against it, and that you had to not resist is very inspiring. Your choice to not get beaten down by the circumstances of a husband leaving you with what you could have said was no real reason, is remarkable. You took it and you ran with it for evolution. A beautiful blog.
“ . . for how could we have truly loved each other so much and yet were not connected to the great amount of love that we simply already are . .
I have discovered that I am love. I am blossoming to show this love to myself each and every day and in turn I cannot help but want to be this love to others who I know and meet”.
Your beautiful words Cherise reflect back to me the love that you are and inspire me to be more love.
Thank you Cherise for sharing your story and showing another way of looking at divorce. Even though you are not seeing your ex-husband, your love for him is just there, deeper than ever. So we could say that we can separate but remain forever connected with our ex-partners.
Cherise, this different perspective on divorce is really beautiful – thank you for sharing how you processed it, what you learnt and the grace, dignity and wisdom you brought to it. The message to love oneself is interweaved all through it in an all-encompassing way – it felt like I was reading a love story.
Cherise that was so beautiful to read, I could feel the love you hold for yourself and your ex husband. Very inspiring.
“for how could we have truly loved each other so much and yet were not connected to the great amount of love that we simply already are . .” Thank you Cherise. Your article felt so true for me. As I have chosen a more self-loving way to live and feel the gorgeousness of my own love, my relationship with my husband has blossomed and when I say ‘I love you’ it has a depth and truth that was not there before.