Growing up, I was always a quiet child. In my early teens this continued; I was never loud or outspoken, and I didn’t really talk about how I felt to anyone. What I did though, was become really angry, so I started my relationship with heavy metal music… because listening to angry music seemed to have a calming effect on me when I was upset.
I was disgusted at the behaviour of a lot of my mates. They were rude, offensive and just didn’t seem to care about anything or anyone except themselves… yet I didn’t say anything to them because I didn’t want them to not like me or call me names or give me a hard time – I didn’t want to rock the boat.
This ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ caused me a lot of pain over the years as I experienced countless situations where something really needed to be said, but because of my uncertainty in what to say and my unwillingness to stand up I just moved on from the situation, ignoring what I felt.
Enter Universal Medicine.
From listening to presentations and doing a few workshops, I now have a greater understanding of myself, and of others. I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen. That’s a big one that I’m sure we’re all guilty of, but one that I want to call from now on.
I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.
The fear I once had of not fitting in isn’t really there anymore – I say what I feel a lot of the time now, and it feels great to get it out.
I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go.
by Tony
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
Nothing like being responsible for our movements and choices… or better I would say: nothing like being aware of the responsibility we have in our movements and choices, as it is that choice of being aware, that takes us out from the drama to live in the full knowing that we are the electors of our world and the landscapes that surround us.
Speaking up the truth we feel inside is really freeing
“Enter Universal Medicine.” A turning point for so many where we learn to express truth.
Ditto!! Growing up I used to constantly have throat problems (tonsillitis) and a lot of the time had this feel like I had a massive lump in my throat that felt completely numb, that I could not speak or say what I wanted to but instead just had to listen to others and what they felt (which is cool … the listening to others part .. but not when you feel you yourself are unable to express the whole time). Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have taught me so much about expression. Expression on all levels, from speaking to moving and also supporting me in being able to write without worrying if it’s right or wrong’. I also have a far greater understanding of myself, more confidence with my expression (on all levels) and more confidence and joy being in and with my body. The awesome thing about this is there is no cap. It does not end but instead keeps forever flowing and forever deepening. I deeply appreciate all Universal Medicine and Serge have taught and continue to teach me.
This fear of losing popularity and/or security when we speak up is what sustains the system that we all hate, the relationship that really is just an empty arrangement and has no richness.
The fear feeds the fear so time to let the fear go and be all we truly are ✨ #shineon
Tony it’s really great you are willing to give expressing how you feel a go. It’s good to remember, as you say, there will be times that we go well with how we express and others not so great, but it is an opportunity for learning. Your words about how angry you were when you held back how you felt got me pondering on the times I felt angry, and looking back at some of those situations what needed to be said on my part did not get said. It is interesting to ponder on the relationship between anger and stuffing down how we feel – at some point there has to be a volcano.
Many of us do not want to ‘rock the boat’ of life turning a blind eye to what goes on in our society. Which if we stop to consider, is it possible this is why we are living in the mess we are in because no one has stood firm and said no that doesn’t feel right. We are continually dropping our standard of living and becoming more animalistic in our behaviours and I wonder just how low we will drop before we come to our senses.
The thing is, we are all living in that same boat. Every time we allow something that’s not true it affects us all equally. We live in a sphere of energy and when we don’t rock the boat by not speaking up or assisting others we confirm or allow a leak, a gap for the untrue energy currently fuelling life to make a place for itself.
There in lies the magic – “and am willing to give it a go”. We hold back from so much, all of us do, from expressing who we are in this life, and that is when life becomes dull or we try and fill it up by making it exciting in other means. If we are prepared to ‘give it a go’ to the best of our ability by expressing what we feel and being more of ourselves, then that is when the magic happens.
It’s quite ugly what happens to us when we suppress our expression. It can turn inwards on ourselves or out at other people. Either way we all feel the ill effects of the bottled-up expression.
Tony, this is really helpful, thank you; ‘I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go.’ I have also held back from expressing what I am feeling and am now starting to to express, it is helpful to read of your experience and to give it a go and learn from this.
As a child I very soon left aside what I felt inside. This didn’t seem to be appropriate and didn’t really fit in with what others expected me to be. I could say two words but very soon I was told off for speaking too much. So I learned to use my senses to see very effectively how to move, what to say and what not in order to be comfortable and nice. I was not aware about how this choice denied the most precious and unique values that I bring just for being me: transparency, simplicity, order, clarity, freshness…These days I’m realizing that making what others expected me to be was never the way. I’m still learning to speak up, to put limits when something feels not right, to express honestly what I feel despite the reactions from others. Sometimes what I have to share is not liked but that’s okay. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine inspire me in being real in a society full of expectations, hidden rules and lies. Something that I deeply appreciate for the change and liberation that I can feel inside me.
When we have a choice between a few mates or the whole of humanity to have a relationship with, it becomes a no brainer and the inner-heart gets to share it’s lived-wisdom with everyone with whom we come in contact, including any past friendships.
Came across this blog once again but what really jumps out at me today is how angry we must get when we don’t speak up and if we do not express ourselves how then does the body process this, and what health conditions are then due to the unspoken words.
Tony, I agree with you “This ‘no boat-rocking way of life’” has got us all into a way of life that actually stinks of the rot we are living in. Because we never stood up and spoke out when we should have done, we have the uncaring, abusive society we currently live in. And to me we have no one to blame but ourselves.
There’s paralysing fear when I hold back and don’t let people know what I think. We can fool ourselves in thinking that we don’t need to say something because that’s just where people are at and we should let them be, but in that arrogance we’re cementing our own inability to express and allowing an energy to run though people without offering an opportunity to stop.
To express or Tooo EXPRESS that is the question?; and when we are Expressing from our bodies we feel the True power of our essences in connection with our body, which is self Empowering and thus True EXPRESSION!
Although we think we are seeking security in playing safe and not speaking up we are actually freer when we do speak up as we are expressing the truth of who we are and the truth of us all.
The key here is ‘to give it a go’. I also have held back what I wanted to express for the best part of my life and quite frankly it retards us. It causes conditions in the body that could be avoided just by speaking up, and once we get the hang of it all the fears of what might happen, disappear.
When we live the ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ as you refer to it Tony, we can indeed hold back from speaking up to what needs to be said to stop and correct the errant behaviors of others. The irony being that it actually is these boat rocking errant behaviors that creates the disharmony and upsets society in the first place.
There are a lot of images and ideals around speaking up that make it into a terrible thing to do. And even when we start it’s like difficulty and strife occur. But what if it was so much simpler than all of that and just involved us expressing from our heart?
You openness to not getting this ‘right’, but just giving it a go and learning from your mistakes is a rare trait in society, as most have at least some level of striving for perfectionism going on. And I know from experience it is by no means healthy to live this way.
Give it a go and see what happens, if we contemplate on every sentence (like I have been doing), even when we say the truth it sounds like a lie, our insecurity brings doubt and the receiver will not get the truth of what is being delivered.
So True Viktoria, it is up to each of us to move in a way that builds a True relationship with our essence so when we speak it is from our inner-wisdom and not just repeating the words that even when True come across as a knowledge and not a lived wisdom.
Your last few words nail it, it’s our willingness to give it a go, no-one needs to be perfect and everyone makes mistakes but if we are willing to really go for it then the outcome isn’t important.
“The fear I once had of not fitting in isn’t really there anymore – I say what I feel a lot of the time now, and it feels great to get it out” This is amazing Tony – how absolutely freeing it is to allow ourselves to express what it is we truly feel – is there any other greater medicine?
When we don’t speak up, we do allow it to happen.. we enable it and therefore are complicit. When I think of this underlying principle and then how much I allow and don’t speak up about, it becomes clear how irresponsible not speaking up is.
We learn a lot when we observe the choices in life ; we get to see what works and what does not and what makes us feel yuk or true. Hence, there is no greater way of learning than living who we are.
It seems like we are all here on earth to assist our fellow brethren to evolve which means we need to speak up when needed because someone else might just need to hear what I have to say.
“I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.” I like that Tony and for me that is one of the best ways to learn how to express – it is always coming back to me.
Tony this is great observation
“This ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ caused me a lot of pain over the years as I experienced countless situations where something really needed to be said, but because of my uncertainty in what to say and my unwillingness to stand up I just moved on from the situation, ignoring what I felt.”
I feel that this is a huge problem in our society where we become bystanders of life and so the quality of our living drops and this is what we are now experiencing, hence the illness and disease that seems to be wiping us out as a species.
“I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen.” – It takes some real courage to call out what is not the truth or abusive/corrupt in our lives, but the fact that we have an awareness of this, not only tells us that the Truth is known by all, but that if we don’t act on it, nothing will change and the same level of abuse will come back to us until it is dealt with, plus we have the karma of inaction if we fall for the comfort of staying silent.
How in the world may angry music calm a body that is full of anger? When the music that we choose matches our state of being, we feel confirmed in our state of being, we get offered specific waters to bath ourselves in and apparently, we let go. But in truth, what music helps us to is to cement a specific set of patterns that will require to come back to a new dose of music later on to keep going. We do not let go thanks to music. This is an illusion.
This blog reminds me that the majority of people on the planet are not expressing what they really feel. It’s like we are locked up in invisible muzzles and straight jackets. When we are free to express what we feel from the natural quality of love that we are we are truly free.
We all feel so much and can say it when push comes to shove, but very few of us are choosing to speak with love. It doesn’t mean sugar coating words or being fluffy – just connecting to our essence when we speak. We need to realise it’s not the words that we’re here to share, but a quality of energy that truly cares. When we express this we set our foundations for life. Thank you Tony.
Your last paragraph is great – when we’re relearning something it can definitely be rocky – sometimes brilliant, sometimes not and sometimes we make mistakes but what’s important is that we approach it as a learning process – not that it’s the end of the world when stuff happens, and that like you say – we’re always willing to give it a go.
Like a toddler, we fall over time and time again but always pick ourselves back up.. and that is the way to learn to walk.
Absolutely, it’s the willingness to keep picking ourselves up and dusting ourselves off that enables us to learn and move forward – it’s when we give up that we are in trouble.
What I have observed is that there can be a holding back even when saying lots of words. Anything that is said not in the fullness of what we have felt to say is holding back.
Gosh, we talk a lot, yet with little attention to our quality spoken.. often this is the case and no one should be judged for that. It is a way of communicating we have made to be our standard, a place where words have the highest truth, yet where there is so much manipulating in the way they are used and false meanings given to the words.. We have to come back and view things differently. What if the quality is our first matter: how do we use words? Do we feel what words to use, or just say them? Where is our integrity when it comes down to using words and speaking them? Where is our connection to the words and truth? Ponder deeply.
What I love about this is the exploration of a man stepping out of his bubble, of how he thinks he needs to be to fit into the world and stepping into honouring himself and learning to express himself.
Reading this again was a great reminder of 1. It feels horrible to not rock the boat 2. I can say how I feel with ease to some but not others (especially those in higher work positions) 3. Having the willingness to have a go and possibly fall flat on my face is far less tense than holding back.
I agree – there is a responsibility to be had when it comes to how we express ourselves, and I know for myself how the fear of making mistakes has got in a way of simply expressing what I feel when I feel it. It is a work in progress and I too am willing to give this a go.
Thank you Toni for your sharing, the other day I did speak up in a work situation, without hesitation which can be there when I feel I should speak my truth but now it just came out of my body, an honouring of my feelings which gives me a natural strenght and authority.
It seems to me that all our emotions come from us holding back from expressing how we feel. The emotions are then a way for us to process and release the tension in our bodies from holding back.
Starting to speak up after a lifetime/s of holding back is going to have moments that are not so ‘crash hot’ – it’s like learning to walk again after years of lying in a bed – but as you so beautifully express Tony, it’s our willingness to keep on giving it a go and not hold back how we feel that supports us to deepen our relationship with truth and our expression of it.
The simple act of expressing what we feel can be revolutionary.
“I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen.” That is so true Tony and on top of it we hurt ourselves with it! The best medicine is to speak up again – what most of us did when we were young as it is our natural way of being.
It’s amazing how liberating it is to feel the fulfilment that naturally comes from our connection to who we are within, as we realise that there is nothing to seek, nothing to prove and nothing to fear as there is nothing missing. When we just allow ourselves to express who we are and what we feel, we naturally express the truth with love, the qualities that represent who we all are in essence.
” I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen ”
The sad part is when we do not speak up we in fact are saying it’s ok by our silence.
Tony thank you for you honest sharing – that is for me rocking the boat! The willingness to give it a go is the best medicine ever – promise! I am taking the same medicine and it is healing me while I am living.
‘This ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ caused me a lot of pain over the years as I experienced countless situations where something really needed to be said, but because of my uncertainty in what to say and my unwillingness to stand up I just moved on from the situation, ignoring what I felt’ I would imagine this is true for so many and yet as you say bursting out in anger is also not the answer as it harms everyone concerned. Having a steadiness that can observe what is going on and stay with it long enough to assess one’s feelings without reacting is an art and one that we gain with practise. By doing this we can then express ourselves from a centred place and no harm need be done.
I can so relate to what you have shared. The more self love and worth I build within the more I know what comes through me to be expressed is not mine to hold back but is for all to hear.
Learning from our mistakes is a key point here Tony as it is important to understand that this is how most of us learn.
A simple message but when lived so powerful.
What I have found is that if I don’t express this is equally as harming as someone who expresses in anger or frustration. It may not be in your face but our body language is still expressing our unsaid thoughts.
I agree Tony willing to have a go to be honest and true to ourselves and others regardless of a possible rocking is a great choice and brings so much more light and love to a situation than a few waves can dilute or disturb. The disturbance seems to kick in when truth isn’t spoken.
Well done Tony and thank you for sharing , having the will to be you will get you there , being the whole you no matter what the world wants. Remember the boat will not get moving unless someone rocks it. So stay on rocking Tony. ha ha .
Willing to learn from our mistakes is a great thing. The art is to not take it personally and remember we are not what we do as mistakes are not ‘us’.
So many of us have the fear of not fitting in but do we really want to fit into something if it is not true or loving?
Not rocking the boat rocks the boat much more in the long run and often sinks it.
So true, short-term answers rarely bring long-term resolutions.
The tension of not speaking up is great. We can project this tension out and blame the situation. This is easy to do as if we observe something wrong in the world it can hurt – a lot. But the pain of not speaking up is far greater than anything external.
It is like learning to walk – we knocked a few things over, we bumped ourselves, we even upset a few people but we needed to get up and have another go because not walking was not an option. It would have harmed our life not to walk, our choices would have been so different, so what if expressing ourselves verbally is no different?
That does make a lot of sense Lucy. I’ve found that not expressing how I feel far more damaging than expressing how I feel. Even if there’s a tense initial situation.
Yes, so true. If saying something ruffles feathers but the intention was true and came from love and a willingness to be open to understanding then there is always an expansion of that understanding I have found – ususally on both sides. There may still be a disagreement about how to deal with something or what was done but there is less of an issue – does that make sense?!
Every time I’ve heard heavy metal music, all I’ve been able to feel is the anger in it. It makes sense that the vibration of the music can sooth anger as it’s almost as if when like meets like it settles.
It’s definitely an awful feeling, holding back saying something that results in another person being treated badly when you know it could have been stopped, or at least brought to people’s attention. It’s not worth it for anyone involved. And we never get away with not expressing how we feel.
This is awesome ‘The fear I once had of not fitting in isn’t really there anymore – I say what I feel a lot of the time now, and it feels great to get it out.’ great to hear this as how many of us try to fit in and don’t say what we truly feel?
Often when I came across abusive behaviour from others in the past, I tend not to speak up because I was in fear of rocking the boat. But now I realise speaking up no matter what the outcome is very important, because when I choose to stay silent and not express, I know it is basically saying yes to abuse. By speaking up may rock the boat but in truth abuse is not at all stable in the first place and realising how harmful it is when we don’t put a stop to it has supported me to express more and not be in fear of doing so. I used to worry about the immediate consequences of speaking up but from experience I realise by not speaking up when I witness abuse has far deeper and harmful consequences overall.
I loved your reference to ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ we so often hold back our expression because we don’t want to rock the boat, and leave things unsaid, which often eat away at us because we didn’t take the opportunity to say what we felt. I have definitely found that when we do stand up and say what we feel, others feel the truth in our words, and it’s no longer a drama in our head to speak up.
Speaking up has been coming up for me lately so really great to read Tony. We do have a responsibility to speak up and not leave what needs to said to fester so that by the time we do say something, we end up expressing in a frustrated or angry way which then causes a reaction. When this happens it just confirms to ourselves why we don’t want to speak up. It is a game we play that keeps us small and in the blame game neither of which is loving or supportive to either ourselves or anyone else.
That is truly magnificent , thank you for sharing Tony – we are forever set by the choices we make – so we better let them come from love. As you said – it is about just going and doing it so.. The beauty is in being prepared to go there, no matter the fall or rise.
I can relate to what you have written here Tony (except for the heavy metal – never could get my head or ears around that one), and for years never spoke up as a child or as an adult for that matter. These days I can feel the wisdom of saying the words and not worrying what others think of me, because at the end of the day we not only hurt ourselves but others also by holding on.
I love your sharing Tony this brings understanding to why some men are the way they are but when they express from that part of themselves of responsibility is absolutely exquisite to feel and hear – need more of it.
So humble and so true Tony. By not speaking up we withhold our expression (which is an expression in itself) and by virtue of this, laden ourselves with all that is felt but remains unspoken until we feel as heavy as a sack of bricks. And while we may not want to speak up and ‘rock the boat’, withholding our expression is a sure fire way to ‘go into the denseness’ and sink the ship anyway!
It’s so important for us to engage with what we are feeling, just because you don’t want to see it or do anything about it doesn’t mean you stop feeling it. We are feeling everything all the time and so it’s only a perception to think we can actually turn off to something or turn away. What we are playing with here is making it only about how something looks on the outside and not touching in to how things feel within. It’s refreshingly great to see more and more people bringing things back to how things truly feel because without it we are seemingly heading well off course.
As Serge Benhayon says often ‘Expression is Everything’, I didn’t quite know what he meant by that until I actually took steps to express and I felt how life changing this was – especially in my body. I felt more expanded, a lot lighter and felt this freedom in my body because finally I was no longer holding back.
Amazing reflection Tony about the responsibility to call things for how they should truly be, It has taken me a while to learn the difference between letting things be and stopping abuse when it is necessary – but sometimes we cant stay silent or the consequences will come.
All expression that is left unsaid sits stagnant in the body – it actually takes quite a force and a lot of habits/behaviours to hold back our expression and the body is left to suffer. It can then be confusing as to what the body is suffering from…. the unexpressed awareness or the habits of abuse.
“The fear I once had of not fitting in isn’t really there anymore – I say what I feel a lot of the time now, and it feels great to get it out.” . . . Yes I agree Tony, it is great to express what we feel is true even if we know it will not go down well . . . Fear of not fitting in is a fear most experience. It is when we are willing to discern what we are trying to fit into we realise we may no longer see that as where we want to sit.
The simple way this blog is delivered makes it very possible to say what you feel, as there is no perfect way to go about this. Giving it a go is the way to go. Learning from our body all the way along, as we know when we speak in frustration, anger, resentment etc, or when we speak with a steady honesty that cannot but be heard.
Why people relate to music the way they do? Why people choose to listen this or that type of music? What does music for you? Music is like a frequency we choose to tune in to confirm/cement an energetic configuration we have in the body.
Yes it is a big ouch moment when we realise that by staying silent and not challenging something that we feel is not loving, we are contributing to bringing the energy that opposes love on this planet no differently to the person who has created the initial unloving act.
Short and to the point Tony. I love the fact that you are now speaking up when you see a need for it rather than just letting it go and seeing no positive changes made, but instead allowing the ill behaviour to grow !
Speaking up doesn’t have to be about confrontation, yet this is how I have viewed speaking up and why I avoided it for most of my life. Sure, I can be outward and vocal about things and people would look at me and think I was very good with expressing – but when it comes to something that needs to be said and expressing the responsibility of what I actually feel… I would rather ignore that aspect of expression. Speaking up doesn’t have to be about confrontation, it is about love and allowing others to see things with a different perspective.
That’s so awesome Tony. Finding your voice after having suppressed it for so long would be like millions of deep breaths for your body as it let’s go of all that tension. We’ve all experienced what it feels like to hold back from saying something you know is needed, and it feels pretty awful.
The best part about speaking up for me is that it gives a moment for everyone to see that speaking up is ok, that we can do it, and it’s just perhaps a matter of choice, of stepping out and of being brave. And maybe the more we do it the more we can see just how simple this is and just how strong and all-knowing we all truly are.
Speaking up is one thing; it is the energy with which we do it in and that comes down to the relationship we have with ourselves, that’s not to say that we’re never going to react because that is unreal. We’re all learning as none of us are perfect and there will be occasions when a reaction happens but what I am realising is to not allow that reaction to put us off from speaking up but to see it as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and why we reacted to that particular person or situation.
Thank you Tony for a great article about speaking up, I too like you didn’t want to rock the boat, create waves so to speak, also I had the belief that what I had to say was not important so there was a big closing down for me. Since Universal Medicine I have come to accept that I am important and what I have to say is important, and that speaking up is being honest, and makes life, and relationships, much simpler and clearer and more respectful.
When we don’t speak up we are disrespecting ourselves and others. There’s a lack of transparency in ourselves, a holding on to protection, and invariably a stuckness in our lives. When we let go of needing to get it right and needing to be accepted by others, there’s a freedom in our expression and a freedom in our movements, with the flow of life instead of against it.
When we speak up we acknowledge that what we feel is important and that we are important. The ripple effect of the choice to speak up is huge too.
Universal Medicine offers us a way of recovering from the wayward ways of our childhood, and gives us the space to live as who we really are (sometimes in contrast to how society wants us to live), living as the people we each are, and were when we were children. This freedom to be who we are knows no bounds, is different for each person and heralds a way of living that is unquestionably loving and inclusive of the all.
“I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen.” The more we don’t express our truth the more we share the responsibility for the lie that is the reality of the world we live in. Understanding that it is not the person we are saying is not ‘ok’ but the energy with which it is being said, is beautiful – nothing personal, no judgement.
I use to go along with things to fit in socially too Tony, it was just my “normal” way I lived before my involvement with Universal Medicine. I remember laughing at jokes that were not funny, letting guys at the pub kiss me, even though I didn’t have any connection with them because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings!?!? I mean, what…? Yep, anything to be liked and to not “rock the boat”. I would let my housemates get away with a lot for the same reasons, trying to keep the peace; this never worked but I just kept approaching things the same way. Enter Universal Medicine.
I still laugh at some unfunny jokes but if they are rude or nasty I always mention it and speak up.
I stopped drinking and with that choice – respecting myself as a woman was easy – you don’t ever have random strangers try to kiss me at a cafe completely sober – so I didn’t have to worry about that!
Plus, I am happily married now –
My housemates are now my family and I am very vocal about what I see in the house with them, as are they with me.
Thanks for bringing a smile to my dial Sarah. We think that speaking up causes trouble but things are so much clearer, simpler and connected when we let other people know how we really feel.
Well said Leonne, and conversely when we don’t speak up and instead hold back what is needing to be said things can get very complicated, confused, sticky affecting not only us but the relationship with the other person/s. From this choice a whole lot of emotions are sure to begin to arise if these words are continued to be held back. Speaking up from a place of truth, I have found, is so much more freeing and a much more simple way to live.
When we express what we feel with another we are in fact not only honouring ourselves and but also the other person. We are saying ‘yes’ to truth and to a foundation that is based on honesty and love. Holding back what we feel is what allows untruths to continue to exist unarrested, which is harming for all. It is not about perfection, as you say, but more so about the willingness and openness to express the truth from the love that we know and can feel we all are within. What you have shared Tony is the way forward for us all, to bring to life the honesty and truth of what we feel with each other so we can learn, grow and live our real selves more freely together.
So often ‘speaking up’ can get misinterpreted and twisted into letting out hurts. Like a simple magnetic effect we can’t be surprised as you say Toni when we then receive them back from others again . Then we get stuck in a loop where we percieve we can’t share the truth for fear of being attacked. But the real question is, an I speaking from my essence, from the real me? This is what will unlock situations and finally help shift all those hurts.
One of the worst feelings is knowing you have not spoken up about something that you know is wrong. I don’t want to look away and pretend its not happening anymore just because I am not directly affected. Thanks for the inspiration to keep speaking up Tony.
I agree Tony that speaking up instead of holding back feels so much better. I spent years holding back, worrying about what others might think, but doing that serves no one.
“I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go.” The willingness to be vulnerable by allowing one to make mistakes in order to learn is a huge thing for us men to do.
So awesome to hear men express like this. Thanks Tony for being truly man enough to be so vulnerable. It’s a pretty wonderful quality to have!
I am finding that we are have so much love to share that when we hold it back it allows the space for other things to come in and this is often when ill patterns can come into relationships. When a man expresses his love outwardly it is huge for all.
That is so true MW. When we hold back we contract and create a space that has to be filled with something else. When do not hold back we expand and we keep expanding the love we are.
This blog lifts some of the confusion around expression and frees it of judgement – very simply is we are honest and speak the truth about the big glaringly obvious wrong that are happening in our world, then as time passes the small more subtle untruths surface to be cleared away. More men than women choose to not express what is going on for them, to keep their feelings hidden. What you have given to me along with every other woman who read this blog is an understanding, insight and opportunity to engage and expand our own awareness. Thank you Toni.
When we treat ourselves and our days like a real life science experiment it allows us to observe the intricacies and details of life as a whole and understand ourselves and everyone around us with much more clarity.
Thank you Tony for inspiring us to speak up when we feel and know that something is not true. Whilst reading your blog I was reminded of the saying; “behaviour unchallenged is behaviour encouraged”. I was also reminded that expression is everything; that is everything, calling out harmful behaviours, appreciation, understandings, hurts, vulnerabilities etc,etc,etc, and the list goes on…
Tony you are an inspiration for man not to hold back and to express more about how they truly feel – wonderful.
I’m still learning to say no to abuse without reacting to it. When I do manage to do this it is generally well received because I don’t condemn the person who is behaving in an abusive way, just their behaviour.
I am learning too Leonne. I know it is deeply loving to express and say no to abuse clearly, without emotions or judgement. It is easy to turn away from abuse and ignore it, but I feel this is why abuse is so rampant and we are feeding it by staying silent, by being aware of this has changed the way I now approach abusive situations.
Inspiring Tony. It is always a choice. After continuously attending Universal Medicine over the years I have more awareness and a deeper understanding of myself showing me more and more my potential and the more harder it is to accept how much I have held back.
Speaking up and expressing what we’re truly feeling or seeing is something that supports us all very much and I think it’s great the willingness that you share here Tony to learn from your ‘mistakes’ and not give up but keep learning.
What you’ve shared here Tony is hugely important for us all… Hold back our expression, and we may well be creating intensities within ourselves that are then difficult to control. Having the willingness to open up, however big the walls have been, is to be deeply honoured, and also very gently nurtured within ourselves – with no expectation of perfection, and a full appreciation of our willingness to embark upon the process… one that will be ongoing for the rest of our lives, if we say yes to it.
Opening the doors to speaking honestly about what we’re experiencing and feeling can be deeply courageous. How often is it the person who holds the deepest sensitivities to life and people, that holds their expression back…
We would all do well to be aware of this, and respect that it’s not always the easiest thing for another or indeed ourselves to speak up – and be willing to understand why this is so.
There is so much we fear coming back at us isn’t there? a fear of judgement, of being rejected, of standing out, yet not speaking up does far more harm because what we don’t say still sits in our bodies. I have felt the poison of not speaking up, it has been like a beetle boring away as I go over and over what I wish I had said. Speaking up is medicine just as all we don’t say is medicine too.
A very wise man has been known to be saying for a very long time that “Expression is everything”. Thanks to attending presentations by Serge Benhayon expressing truth is becoming a reality, rather than an anxiousness about opening my mouth.
Awesome – a man who is willing to express himself is an absolute blessing for all.
I agree and also an amazing reflection for other men. Love it.
Like you Tony, I was an absolute expert in “‘no boat-rocking”, but even though this made it smoother sailing for others I was always feeling ‘sea-sick’. With the wisdom of hindsight I can see how damaging it is to try to make the world okay for everyone else is, in fact, totally exhausting with so many parts of our lives suffering, and often those around us too, from this unloving choice. Now I choose to speak up, lovingly so, when it is important to do so and then allow others to react or respond to as they choose to; I cannot fix another’s life, that is purely up to them.
Yes thank you Tony, our expression matters, through our words, our presence and and the way we move. This is something I feel is continually deepening. It is very contagious when someone speaks in truth; it allows others to do the same.
Tony like you I held back expressing and saying what I felt and would turn a blind eye even though doing that agitated me. I wanted to be good and fit in, so much so my voice become very quiet and I would always get asked to speak up – I felt no one wanted to hear what I had to say – how wrong was I. We all have so much to share and it is important we stand up for love and truth as the moment we do not we are saying that is ok and acceptable.
‘if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me’ So simple This is true of all emotions and also true of Love itself..
It is almost too simple a fact. What goes out must come back. And so the more we choose to express with love the more love we will have in our life. And the more aggressive we are the more aggression we will see in the world. Ultimately we see what we choose to.
I love the strength I feel inside myself when I speak the truth, it’s so powerful, it’s hard to imagine why I spent my whole life until now NOT speaking the truth, and waiting for permission to speak up, when the truth never needed permission to voice what needs to be said.
I know exactly what you mean Meg, it is like my whole body comes alive when I speak the truth- so much of my life I tried to moderate what I was saying so people would not get put off or react but what I realise about that is no one then gets to see or hear the truth. And you are right there is no need to wait for permission to speak up – we each have soo much to share.
Tony speaking up is something that is not encouraged as we grow up, as we can see from the current state of illness and disease and relationship issues etc what is lacking in humanity is an ability to express. The more we learn to express the more we give permission to others to also not hold back and to express what is truly needed.
Thank you Toni for sharing how you are able to now speak up. I too have kept quite on a number of occasions for fear of causing upset by rocking the boat. These day it is much easier to do but not always do I do it. I remember sometime ago some teenages were making fun of an elderly lady who was in difficulty I noticed what was happening and understood what was happening to the lady, but I said nothing, I feel saddened when i look back at an opportunity lost at the time but that has enabled me to take more responsibility and speak up now when I feel to and not hold back.
I have recently come to realise that my true issue is not fear of rocking the boat, more that I need to see what kind of boat it is! I have previously worried about upsetting others or their reactions however what I am now looking at is ‘what is the quality of energy people are in that I am rocking?’ Is the boat I am afraid of rocking in a sea of human degradation or is it loving, joyful and harmonious? If what I say can bring about more understanding, awareness, harmony, love, joy etc then it’s worth disrupting that boat because it’s not on course. In the past it was all about how rocking the boat would affect me- now I am looking at situations I can speak up in as opportunities to elevate the energy and offer true support. It’s less about me and more about the quality of energy people are in, and offering truth and another quality of energy through what I can say.
Oh my Goodness I have learned soooooooo much about expression from Universal Medicine it is unbelievable .. and I am still learning. Expression and the importance of it and the truth of energy with regards to is is definitely something I feel should be taught in schools, actually everywhere! I never used to feel I could say what I really felt; its like I knew what I wanted to say, but for the life of me I just could not find the words within and my throat felt like it was closed over, like someone had muted it! This may sound extreme, and I did talk! but this is the feeling I would have many times also that if I did say anything it would just be or be seen as being really really stupid! I used to get tonsillitis a lot when I was younger and felt this was a reflection of me not being able to speak my truth. Since knowing Universal Medicine my whole body has changed in a really beautifull way, I feel more claimed as a woman, more connected to who I am and so am able to express easily and naturally from this place within. I no longer feel what I say is stupid and am no longer shy. I still have loads of work to do with this but have come a very long way to where I was. This was really interesting what you shared we often see people as playing heavy metal as being really angry when maybe they are upset? ‘so I started my relationship with heavy metal music… because listening to angry music seemed to have a calming effect on me when I was upset.’ Whether angry or upset it shows how we use things, like music, to suppress our expression instead of feeling the truth of what is really going on within us and being able to express it to those around us in a way that is healing.
“I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.” Great point Tony, we think we have a right to be angry but it comes with consequences. Everything we do is reflected back at us, if we are loving we are able to see love around us, when we are angry we wonder why people are angry back at us, it may not happen immediately but it will eventually be reflected back to us.
Years ago I used to get migraines which I realise now came from my reacting to life, like you Tony, except that I would get frustrated rather than angry and this coming from basically not standing up for myself. Recently I have seen how in some instances this same dynamic can play itself out and leave me feeling less than and thus dis-empowered. Great to recognise and address.
Brilliant Tony. This blog flies in the face of those who so cowardly seek to defame the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. You have become stronger in yourself. It is clear that you value yourself and the way you feel.
A recent situation showed me that when allowing myself to be vulnerable and expressing how I really felt untied so many knots in my stomach.
Fitting in is a disease many of us have, and the cure is simple. Honour who you are, respect and nurture the essence you are, and know each and every one of us has an essence that is of equal value, and much needed by the whole.
Tony, your blog reminds me of being a young man – a teenager, among other teenagers, none of whom spoke of how we felt but played the ‘don’t rock the boat game’. What was interesting, on reflection is that there were occasions when I recall having one-to-one conversations with friends that were very different, where we did talk of feelings and allows ourselves to admit our vulnerabilities. They were rare but they did happen and I am left pondering the question of why, when we are among larger groups this feels like a no-go area. Fear of rejection most likely I feel. I wonder how many young men are stifling their own expression in this way today too – and perhaps those less young too?
Learning to express myself has been – and is – a big part of my unfoldment throughout my life. There has been quite a transformation and what I have learned is that there is a direct relationship between our expression and how I feel. People try all kinds of things to change how they feel, like food, drugs, alcohol and exercise but to me, self-expression is as powerful, if not more powerful than any of these. It can be hard to open up and be vulnerable in our expression but it is a wonderful thing to experience – especially if what we are expressing is the truth of our innermost hearts.
I am learning to develop my expression – to work on expressing not from reaction as this just comes out telling and other people then react to it too. And when not to say something. I bought into the belief that to be powerful you need to say out loud everything, but this is not the case, often the most powerful and greatest healing can come from not saying or writing anything at all, (be it an email or text) or simply nominating what I feel to myself – with this allowing another or myself the space and freedom to feel. Plus then there is no issues or niggles that come up between you and another, which really aren’t even real. It allows us the space to feel what’s going on for another person, or ourselves, and if in truth we need to be a part of it or say anything at all – we are all simply here to observe and not to get involved. That does not mean holding back when something does need to be said, but more often than not, when we are still, far less needs to be said.
This is something I too am experimenting with and still trying to find my footing. I’ve been one to not rock the boat all my life on far too many occasioning. As you have shared Tony, doing this is just as awful as what’s happening in the situation, we allow the ill to keep running when we have felt an impulse to call it to a stop. Many situations would change in this world if we all spoke and moved in a way that was impulsed from God.
I find it amazing how clearly our bodies show us when we are holding back something that needs to be expressed. Have you ever felt the pain or lump in your throat?, The anxiety lurching around in your stomach and the need to pee becoming stronger with this? All very clear physical signposts that we are holding back from expressing something that is not ours to hold onto.
I love the simplicity of your blog Toni there is so much in it that is relatable and makes sense.. I could very much relate to this sentence “This ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ caused me a lot of pain over the years as I experienced countless situations where something really needed to be said, but because of my uncertainty in what to say and my unwillingness to stand up I just moved on from the situation, ignoring what I felt.” I didn’t like to rock the boat either Toni, and caused more confusion and pain from holding back than anything I may have said. There is always a learning from speaking up, but holding back serves no one, it is like holding the world to ransom and measuring what we feel safe to say.
Is there ever an end to expressing more fully? I feel there is always more we can express, sometimes with words but most of the times by being, by our presence, how we are and feel and move.
I can feel in my body now when I am holding back my expression and it feels uncomfortable- more uncomfortable than expressing it in the first place! It is amazing how we can feel in another when they have not expressed their truth. When we express from our heart the quality is always there even if someone may not want to hear what is being expressed!
Tony whats amazing here is that you bring a reminder to us all that its not only about speaking up, expressing what we feel, but its about the quality we speak up in. If we shout, rant, rave etc.. then that does not one any good – ourself included. But if we take care to express in full how we feel about something, to not stand by and let the world spin into depths of abuse and disregard then we make a difference.
Speaking up is an ongoing learning process as with it comes the responsibility we all have to check the energy we are speaking in. Is it coming from the heart, and therefore is non judgmental, purely observational and holding the other in complete equality or is it coming from the mind, in reaction, outrage and emotion?
‘Not rocking the boat’ creates an internal storm that we are left to weather at our own expense. I have spent a lifetime ‘on mute’ and like you Tony, listening to angry music was my soothing balm for the rage I felt at the world and the fury at myself for not speaking up. I have now come to understand that some boats are meant to be rocked, particularly if its passengers are coasting in seeming comfort with their eyes shut and are about to crash into the rocks! As humans, we are designed to express the love that we are and part of this is working through the layers that have settled over the top of this. Your final words beautifully capture this Tony:
“I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go.”
The tension that is felt in the body in unbearable at times. I feel this is from not honouring or dismissing our bodies and what we energetically feel happening around us all the time, or not calling out the energy we feel coming though people, no matter who that is from. We may have people, be it family or friends, who choose to abuse us by texting us or calling us after they know we go to bed, or people who are jealous of us. It in not always necessary to say something to them, but it is necessary to call out the energy to yourself, otherwise I find that I end up tense, trying to not feel it, with it stored in my body or like a record player going round in my head. This tension can also come from not being myself.
For me the key to speaking out, may not be verbally so, but calling out an any energy that is not love, whether it comes from friends or not. I often find that a lot of subtle abusive energy comes from those we know well such as family and friends. This doesn’t mean I have to out them for it, but I can say no to the energy of abuse when it comes my way, I don’t have to reply, out of ingrained politeness, to emails or messages from them.
Reading the title of the blog this morning, makes me feel uncomfortable in my body, as I know I don’t speak up equally in all situations with all people, I pick and choose where and who to express from my fullness, not given everything and everyone in my life equal commitment and responsibility. It now feels so uncomfortable I know I cannot do this anymore, this doesn’t mean shouting from the rooftops or running round telling everyone I haven’t spoken with, you need to hear this, far from it, that’s just dumping my stuff on them, it’s more about voicing everything I feel, be it to myself, or at times when appropriate to other people. There is a huge amount of outrage in my body because of reacting to things and not speaking up. For example have you ever had that record player in your head, it can be from conversations or situations from even years ago where you did not express all or anything that you really felt? (Yes!) What I have found and am finding is the best way to let it go from my body and my head, is to take responsibility for the fact I did not speak up and say what I felt, what needed to be said. Ouch but true.
I often react to how people speak or express to me, because there is a need, and also I am in reaction to myself not expressing in full, but the truth is I can only take responsibility for my expression, other people’s choices have nothing to do with me.
Oh my God – I can feel simply by reading the title of the blog, I do not speak up, I thought I had been changing this, but in fact I still stay silent. How many of us like to think we are doing something but in reality are not. It’s a total comfort we are living in, in the sense we lie to ourselves, yeah I’m doing this to that, but if we stop we are doing the exact opposite.
You know what Tony, I love your openness and willingness to honour yourself, so many of us ignore what we feel, I know I do and this feels awful in my body and creates ill health. What would happen if we all shared how we really felt, not from anger, rage, sadness, niceness etc – but simply hey you know what this is what I feel, with no need for things or people to be a certain way – would the the world, relationships, communities, families, and the health system change and be in a very different place? My feeling is yes. It’s almost like we walk around holding our breath. Not saying or expressing how and what we really feel. I know for me when someones shares in absolute honesty, it’s a relief, I feel it’s okay to be me, I actually let out a big breath, my body opens up, I let go of protection, there’s a physical release, I don’t have to put a front on or be a certain way, I wonder how many other people feel this way?
‘if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.’ We cannot escape any of our actions, however we would like to think differently. It is great to express how we feel but if we do it in an emotional way then that is equal to dumping on the other person, they will feel it and more than likely they will then go and dump on someone else. I have noticed in family situations that a justifying remark I have used on someone, will be repeated by them to me a few weeks later confirming that ‘what goes round comes round. We can cut this eternal loop by communicating responsibly, leaving emotions out of the conversation and taking time to express from a true connection to ourselves.
Tony it’s lovely to read and appreciate the changes that you and many others have felt as we learn to speak up for what we feel is true without the concern of what another may think. The more I allow this the greater freedom I feel in my body and my heart, the tense feeling I had over my chest melts. And the most incredible bit is that whatever I say from truth people feel and connect with.
Gorgeously simple Ton. I can relate to what you share, and have also come to the realisation that by not speaking up I am saying yes to that which I know is not ok, and for a lot of my life, I expected others to speak up and to take the stand (and I’d be happy to support them, but surreptitiously so as not to be noticed), but I’m learning more that actually if I feel and know something and it’s there to be said then it needs to be said, and it’s not about me. Sometimes that is very graceful, other times not so much, and each time I learn more not to make it personal and not to take it personally if there is a reaction, but to continue to speak up.
I can relate to what you have shared Toni, I have been afraid to speak up for fear of rocking the boat and causing anger and reaction. I am learning to live in a much more honest way these days, more able to say what is needed to be said without taking on the person’s reaction and not needing them to be a certain way, just expressing with no investment.
I have recently realised that “rocking the boat” is about more than what we say. It’s also about being ourselves in full, which everyone feels, and not about holding back who we truly are.
Holding in what we feel to say is actually quite painful. It even feels like a pressure over my heart, and other parts of my body experience strain and tension. We try to be polite, to “turn a blind eye”, and even say “little white lies” to keep the peace, but we truly compromise ourselves in those moments and short change everyone around us. It would be better to teach kids to say how they feel, express their truth, and do so with love. Thanks to Universal Medicine I am re-learning this too, it takes time and can feel scary, but it’s worth it, to stay connected to who we are.
Speaking up has been a big learning curve for me also Tony. I have been at times unable to speak for fear of being rejected and at other times very outspoken, but it has been loaded with reaction and judgment.
Taking a more observational stance in life and in my relationships is teaching me ways that I can speak and be heard. The key is not to be invested in the other getting it and not to involve myself with the drama that goes on around me, just stay in the observation of life itself. Then I know exactly what to say and what not to say.
There is so much abuse perpetrated because we don’t stand up and call it for what it is. When we do call it out we are not just doing this for ourselves we are doing it for everyone. We will never stop disrespectful behaviour if we are frightened to rock the boat. And great that you point out that expressing in anger often means it is met with anger. We can say what we want to say without becoming emotional and personally involved although I must admit this can be challenging at times as the emotional expression of another can do it’s best to pull us out of our centre. A work in progress.
The way you express is awesome Tony – so straightforward and matter of fact. The turnaround in this aspect of your life is nothing short of a miracle. As a collective humanity we have stood by and stayed silent through countless atrocities that continue to this moment. Rape, murder, child pornography, human trafficking, war, racism, cyber abuse. The list could go on forever. I have no doubt that none of these things would exist if each and every one of us committed to developing a true relationship with ourselves and expressing what we feel as you have done.
I love the simplicity in your blog Tony along with the power and wisdom;
“I am still learning and experimenting with this (speaking up) and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go”.
This is very inspirational, thank you.
It’s so true Tony, in the merry go round of human life what you give out you definitely receive back.
I love the way you’re being gentle with yourself in this process of expressing Tony – I’m learning it’s not about having to be perfect and I know I certainly don’t get it right all of the time, but I’m making a commitment to continue to explore and deepen this. And for me it’s meant more of letting my guard down and protection with people and letting them in.
The world needs more people speaking out like yourself and saying this is not okay, for the complacency and apathy that abounds has allowed what is not okay to become normal and in this we all suffer.
I saw corruption everywhere I looked when I was younger and for some unknown reason I seemed to have the idea that it was my sole purpose on earth to speak out against it. I was sitting on the other end of the same seesaw as you were Toni. Reason being was this ‘version of calling out’ was not true as it did not hold the quality required for the person I delivered it to, to actually be able to have a choice to agree not not, to see or not, to say yea or no. It came imposing and convincing and sometimes still does. The key to speaking up is delivering the message with love, not rainbows and unicorns but without judgment, with authority and defiantly zero judgment.
I love what you say here Sarah ‘ The key to speaking up is delivering the message with love, not rainbows and unicorns but without judgment, with authority and defiantly zero judgment.’ This is an art and science . In observing situations from a centred place within ourselves we have an opportunity to allow this space that invites grace .
Staying silent and never speaking up, or expressing everything in reaction and with judgment – both are equally harming. When we start to connect to the simplicity of what we feel, and make it about the behaviour and energy, it becomes a lot easier and simpler to just call out what is not true, without holding back and without judgment.
Simplicity is key here, and detachment, for as soon as you go into an energy of trying you know that you are gone. When you are aligned to true wisdom and speak it, it can take hours, days, weeks, years and in some cases lifetimes, for someone to awaken to what you are sharing. Point is, it doesn’t matter, for truth is there without needing a result and it has no judgment on time, for it is timeless.
There’s no such thing as perfection when it comes to expression. I’ve found that the more I love myself with acceptance, understanding and even adoration and am willing to show this to others that this helps my expression because I’m equally loving with others and willing to let them in. From this place what is expressed can’t help but be loving and supportive. I’m working on bringing evolution to this whole package also, which is the willingness to constantly expand and lift up with every expression.
The humbleness to constantly learn from our mistakes becomes much easier when we are open enough to realise we are imperfect human beings and a student of our own life as is everyone else equally.
I love your point that sometimes you get it right and sometimes you get it wrong but what’s important is that you do express as this gives us the greatest opportunity for learning.
“I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.” I can relate to this, more now as I have been observing my own behaviours and taking responsibility and therefore understanding other’s reactions.
Very simply said Tony. It does actually feel very uncomfortable to not rock the boat, it is an illusion that it is comfortable as people like you when you don’t. The point is not expressing what is true builds up in the body and makes the body very ill in time.
Such a refreshingly honest blog Tony on a subject that I know most will be able to easily relate to. I was also one who was oh so careful “not to rock the boat”, and like you “This ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ caused me a lot of pain over the years”. Thankfully those days are over as I realise that to speak up and speak the truth is a much more honest way to live, a way that is healing not just for me but to those I choose to speak up to.
This is a very honest sharing Tony. If more of us would speak up this world would be a very different place.
Gorgeous blog Tony. Our silence actually communicates a lot. The presentations offered by Universal Medicine have allowed me to see that not saying what really needs to be said is as harmful as expressing in anger.
“I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen. That’s a big one that I’m sure we’re all guilty of, but one that I want to call from now on.” Yes Tony, by staying silent we are complicit in the action we profess not to like.
I had a moment the other day when I saw something that made my stomach turn. In that moment I felt what responsibility I hold to call out what was not love in that moment. I could feel the agreement I had made with God to be here and reflect love and truth, so all that is not can no longer thrive
“I realise now that by not saying anything I’m silently agreeing to the abuse.” This is so true Mary and in a society that is so very much more abusive then it wants to admit it can feel challenging sometimes to stay true and express, yet if we don’t we are actually condoning what we see and no one learns.
Coming back to this blog today I am filled with an appreciation of the fact that my expression of truth is getting stronger. It is crazy that something so natural to us – expressing how we feel can feel so hard, I realise when it feels difficult it is usually because I have an investment in how I want to be seen by someone. As I said before Tony I love this blog as it highlights the miracle of what happens when we start expressing our truth and how simply and profoundly it can inspire others.
Learning to express more in my life has been an absolute game changer for me, the more I express the freer and more expansive I feel.
I second that Anna, the more I express the more I completely understand what ‘expression is everything’ means.
I am really beginning to feel that expression IS everything and when we hold back from expressing we are still expressing and can appear like we are condoning behaviours that may be hurtful or dividing. Could this be what ‘the silent majority’ are guilty of? How important is it then to not hold back from expressing the truth at all times. In fact I feel it’s possible we are actually avoiding responsibility when we avoid expressing truthfully for fear of the consequences.
Understanding that I have a responsibility in how I say things, not just the words and the tone, but the energy and intention behind it, has meant an extraordinary deepening of my relationships with everyone around me.
“I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go”.
I can relate so deeply to what you have written Tony.
Yes it is our responsibility to speak up in an energy that heals and not harms, thank you for highlighting this.
“Enter Universal Medicine.” I am learning to trust my feelings and to not hold back thinking I must ‘have got it wrong’ as my mind throws doubt over the truth of what I am feeling. I am learning the responsibility of speaking up and not confirming the untruths and disharmony by staying quiet.
I love that Mary, ‘I am learning the responsibility of speaking up and not confirming the untruths and disharmony by staying quiet’. Once we chose responsibility we can no longer stay quiet.
I had the experience the other day where I wasn’t feeling myself, and knew I needed support, but held back from sharing it with my family, because I was worried about putting my stuff on that person so to speak. As I was going out the door for a walk, something in me kept thinking about a conversation I had with an amazing woman in the gym changing room earlier in the week, who reminded me relationships and family are about talking, communicating – so with that I could feel I needed to share how I was feeling, just in a few words, and what came back from this person in my family was absolute love, truth, pure gold and wisdom – what they shared brought me back to the truth of who I am, and reminded me of my grace, delicateness and beauty, and my purpose for being here. All this came about in a choice to open up and speak. And I know with that our relationship deepened.
“I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go.” I feel this is so important Tony, sometimes we hold back for the fear of not getting it right, not saying the right thing, or saying things how we think or know they can be said, bur holding back creates so much tension and anxiety in the body and often making the situation worse – as we can go round thinking about what we should have said for days, even weeks or months, as I have found to be the case. I remember a very wise man sharing with a group of us, just express what you feel, it reminds me of young kids – they don’t go into their heads thinking is this loving, is this not, how will so and so take it, what will mum say when I say I want a bath or need the toilet or I don’t like peas.
It’s interesting how different music can affect us and our moods. For instance when you wrote about heavy metal music calming you I remembered that if I listened to it, it would make me feel angry and aggressive and not myself.
“I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.” Absolutely true, if we express in anger, anger comes back, if we express in love, love comes back. More and more I can feel the reactions in my body as I express, it is so obvious now if I have expressed less than love, as my body feels a contraction, a reaction and an unease feeling. This is great as it allows me to reflect where I am at, why I am not connected to my loveliness and tenderness?
Reading this blog, I just cringed – in recognising how much the fear of not fitting in has affected me. It made me a quiet one, it made me say things in ways that were not natural to me, in various ways, and it all came with complexity. There are many things that contribute to making it an easy option, but that the responsibility and the power to make the choice is mine. So much better late than never to be learning to express myself in full.
What you say about why you entered the heavy metal music scene made me realise that the people I knew who were also into it were always surprisingly gentle, tender individuals and the partnership always seemed to me a bit incongruous, like misfits. But it makes sense when you explain that ‘listening to angry music seemed to have a calming effect on me when I was upset.’ A wake-up call to not judge people by their cover, because beneath there’s a strong chance of supremely sensitive being cowering for cover.
‘I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.’ This is key Tony and so simply expressed.
What you are sharing Tony sounds very familiar to me. As a child I decided to live in my own world and not to participate in any way. This withdrawal from life and the holding back made me very exhausted and lonely. Thanks to Universal Medicine I know now that I created my own drama, and I am the one who can change everything in my entire life. The more honest I am towards myself, the more I speak up towards other people.
Great point Alexander “The more honest I am towards myself, the more I speak up towards other people” When we claim what is true for us is also freeing for another.
‘The fear I once had of not fitting in isn’t really there anymore – I say what I feel a lot of the time now, and it feels great to get it out.’ That is my experience too but there are situations where I step in my old pattern as if it was yesterday I did it the last time. It is an awful feeling when I keep myself small and not speak up. It is then all about me instead of acting responsible and making it about truth for all.
Learning to say that’s not ok and to speak up are such essential strengths, for our own well-being and that of others.
Thank you Tony for this timely reminder for me to speak up and to, where appropriate, say that’s not ok.
I LOVE your blog Tony and because its short and to the point its an easy read but yet it delivers so much. I reckon that ‘less is more’ applies in this case.
“The fear I once had of not fitting in isn’t really there anymore” – this is huge and more of us need to be looking at this more closer as it really hurts to live in fear because we want to be liked or loved or whatever it is we do it for.
I am known for my no nonsense manner and straight truth so what you would call a ‘boat-rocker’ for sure. It does not make you popular but it does make you real and your body is not squirming and you do not go to bed with tension or your head working overtime battling with you because you KNOW what needed to be said was not.
I love your comment Bina, just as you are! And yes you are a’boat-rocker’ for sure but lovingly so and that’s why you are a great inspiration in speaking up when needed.
Holding back, not wanting to upset people, and then letting it build up and so then it builds up and comes out with an intensity that can be overwhelming. I am learning to appreciate and value what I feel is worth saying.
I can really relate to this Tony, not speaking up and going through the process or learning to speak up, even when you know that there might be some sort of ramifications from doing so. It has been an ongoing process to open up and speak up. This is still unfolding and one that will no doubt be ongoing for the rest of my life.
“The fear I once had of not fitting in isn’t really there anymore – I say what I feel a lot of the time now, and it feels great to get it out.” That’s the crazy thing, we bottle everything up not wanting to upset or make waves or say what we really feel yet it is our bodies that are suffering by not saying what needs to be said. I am learning to speak up because I know how much more expansive and freeing it is. The times when I don’t speak up the conversation ends up being complicated or defensive or blaming and in some cases all three.
We speak about how freeing it feels to speak up and know what that does for our own health and well being, and we need to also be aware of what opportunities this also offers others around us, whether they are in reaction or not, it offers them an opportunity to feel what is there for them to heal. Yes expression is everything.
I could relate to a lot of what you have shared here Tony. I spent alot of my life not speaking up as when did I was shut down very quickly. I now speak what I feel to say. As much as it presses peoples buttons, when I do I am getting stronger in not allowing that to affect me or stop me in any way.This has also been supported with gaining an understanding of what is really going on when someone gets affected or reacts to me speaking the truth.
Love this Tony, there is such freedom in speaking up, I am still learning to express true fully all the time and still find sometimes I am holding back but this is gradually changing and the more I claim the love within the more inner authority I have to speak this truth.
Tony I totally understand the fear of what might happen if you speak up, but the consequences of not doing so are huge and the empowerment of speaking up is great. It takes courage to do what you are doing and the more we speak up, the more support we give others to do so.
Amazing sharing- I love it when men are prepared to speak up and share what they actually feel about things.
I can relate to what you said so clearly and simply here Tony, and I have found that beginning to express myself more has bought a new depth to my relationships and a sense of freedom in myself, despite some awkward moments 🙂
I have been the unspoken one in life as well Tony. Relearning how much love I am erases the fear of not being liked. I can’t say I’m there in full but how far I’ve come so far feels incredible compared to the holding back of my past.
When we speak the truth the fears of not being liked or outcast becomes irrelevant as we, and all around us, then have opportunities to evolve.
Spot on Heidi, I had a moment last night while dancing and connecting to another of how enormous I was, and how allowing that enormity to be seen by another was part of my agreement with humanity. I could feel how holding this back was not offering evolution in that moment or any other moment.
Thats awesome to here Kim and inspiring for everyone who reads your words.
I have in the past done the same thing, not speak up about things that I felt was not loving. I then leave the situation beating myself up for not standing up to the abuse or horrible behaviours. Now, I am like you Tony, learning to express what I feel, to not hold back in expressing the truth. To not be afraid of people’s reactions but to continuously deliver absolute truth no matter what, this is the most loving and powerful way to express.
That’s so honest Tony and such a support to read. Speaking up when things don’t feel right is incredibly challenging – I get worried I won’t be liked anymore or will receive a mouthful back. But being truthful is the only way to go and to read a blog like this openly sharing that it is a learned experience, where sometimes it feels amazing and sometimes it goes pear shaped is so incredibly supportive.
Yes, I agree this is a very honest blog. It reveals how common it is that we are often afraid to express truth because of our fears of reactions and, or rejection.
There is s strong power in the ‘before and after’. What touches me in love is not so much the wonderment of how great life can be after Universal Medicine. Then I would just follow another ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and ideals of how to behave. What really inspires me is how loving you are with yourself when you are out and how you bring yourself back to you.
Love it Tony…as I was reading I recalled a situation today where a person was ‘playfully’ smacking my three year old daughter on her bottom, yet she firmly said ‘no’…about to do it again anyway, I simply, but firmly said to the person ‘it is her body!’ The person stopped, felt what I had said and although they probably had to process and deal with some things that may not have felt very comfortable for them, it absolutely needed to be said.
Good point you have made Tony, expression is everything and the healing potential cant be underestimated.
This is for sure Joe. However it only takes speaking up for a while to really feel how free and unattached one feels to realise that this is the way, not just for us but for all.
I’ve been the same Tony most of my life. Reading your blog just clarified what has been coming up for me lately. I’ve realized that yes I’m speaking up a lot more, but, there is now another layer, more for me to say and look into. We are forever peeling back layers and expressing more and more. I had been feeling that I hadn’t been speaking up, looking back I can give myself some appreciation for how far I’ve come in expressing, I’ve come a long way from my past quiet self and now I can step up to the next X.
This is something I am finding with my expression at the moment, currently it is not going great and I am feeling old hurts come up making me not want to express at all or feeling that I cannot do anything ‘right’; but at the same time of feeling this I have the love within to stop, take a step back and feel what it is I need to change.
Hi Toni a great blog that shows how not speaking up really can affect us especially in our teenage years. it is interesting that listening to heavy metal music had a calming affect on you when you were upset. I wonder if that is why many angry teenagers turn to heavy metal bands…..it is their way of letting go of their pent up anger and tension they were feeling and the frustration at not being able to express it.
I found not speaking up was very harming, i would tend to bottle things up and then something so small would cause an explosion, hurting myself and others. At the same time I would find my body getting tensed and hard. Once I started to speak up and openly communicating, my body was no longer getting tensed and I was no longer having explosions. Speaking up and saying what felt true changed my relationships with everyone. Now I understand the importance of Expressing our truth.
Yes Tony speaking up when appropriate is the antidote to all that tension building up in the body which then makes us seek relief in one form or another or exhibit behaviours that are not conducive to having healthy relationships either with ourselves or others.
So true deborahmckay, suppressing our feeling and turning them into dis-ease (note to self).
Very true deborahmckay, when we choose not to express in truth our body carries the tension which can build up and sometimes it gets realised in the most inappropriate situations. That tension can cause many complications in our lives. I have experienced this myself in the past and it’s a very destructive way to behave and suppress truth.
Learning to understand that not speaking up was actually hurting me was a huge “aha” moment. I know now that these unspoken words never go away, they just sit and wait and usually get expressed in a way that is fuelled by frustration, resentment and a whole myriad of other emotions, that end up harming, not only the speaker, but the recipient as well. Speaking up has been a long and sometimes challenging lesson, but these days it is becoming a natural part of my life, and as you say Tony: “it feels great to get it out”!
I could relate very much to what you say: “I know now that these unspoken words ever go away, they just sit and wait and usually get expressed in a way that is fuelled by frustration, resentment and a whole myriad of other emotions…” I have the experience of having words in my body for years and years that I did not express in a group, the heaviness that implies and the weight that acts as a burden to not move forward. Once I express what is there, I no longer carry that weight and can move much more freely ans swiftly.
I agree Ingrid, I can totally relate to your comment. In the past I have chosen to not speak up many, many times. I have only recently come to realise that this is harmful to myself and to others. Now, I am taking the responsibility to not let it escalate to anger and frustration from holding back but to express my feelings in each situation in a loving way. With more and more practise it will simply be a natural way to express what I feel from an energy of love and not frustration.
Yes Chan I agree, it is all about taking responsibility for our expression and not allowing it to come laced with simmering emotions. As you say so wisely “with more and more practice it will simply be a natural way to express”.
Tony like you there was a time when I never used to speak up and used to build up anger inside of me, which I found out through Universal Medicine how harming it is to my body. Now I take every opportunity to speak up, this not only supports me but also others involved. I am finding speaking up is being true to oneself. My body is more lighter as I am no longer walking around with anger and frustration.
Like you I have been really good at not speaking up – out of deeply held fears – some founded or unfounded. It is a gruelling process to start speaking up, but now if there is something to be said I simply can’t contain it in my body – it becomes physical pain and I have to find the words to say something. More often than not what I share is well received but often doesn’t change anything immediately but has a stronger influence over time and from this I have learnt to be patient too.
To hold back in my expression hurts so much in my body. All the old feelings came back which I had at school in being reprimanded if I spoke up and got something wrong and the answers did not fit in with what was expected or told that I should know better. I felt very judged on what I was offering. But now that’s changing, I have found my voice its been there all along just stifled with old hurts and hang ups from my past and me not wanting to stand out and shine my light. With expression comes great listening skills and that brings a whole new meaning to conversation. Which is very much a beautiful sharing between two people. (or more). Thank you Tony your sharing.
Simple and to the point Tony, well said mate. The sheer fact that you’ve written a blog about this, speaks volumes as to where you’re at with saying what you want to say.
Tony I too would do all I could to ‘not rock the boat’ in fact, there were times when I was so good at it you wouldn’t even know I was in it. It’s quite a journey over both calm and rough seas but I’m learning that much can be gained by giving the boat a gentle rock every now and then. The ripples can be beautiful and when they clear the deep stillness of the water reflects what’s truly there to be seen.
This blog speaks for so many people and one I can relate to. I feel that I am taking baby steps when it comes to speaking up, as I have held back so much in my life but what I am finding is, I like the feeling in my body a whole lot more when I speak up than when I hold onto it.
Yes, I agree Julie, it does feel amazing when I speak up and realise that from now on I don’t have to walk around carrying all that heavy energy. The other thing that I am finding is that when I speak up I quite often find that there are others who are feeling the same as me and by speaking up we can connect and discuss. It feels so lovely to be able to express what I feel and also listen. When I listen to others I am opening up to seeing the world in a different way – one that is expansive and wonderful when we all speak up and come alive.
A very supportive blog Tony, thank you for the support to speak up against what is right in this world, I put a lot of pressure on myself to get it right when I express and often use that as a reason not to express, rather than see my expression as a work in progress.
I have been doing the same as you describe here for a long time, the things that are said is so often not right, but not wanting to ‘rock the boat’ has been holding me back. I can feel that there is so much to say, and as I am developing my self love and confidence, I have a great joy in starting to speak up, and learning that some won’t like what I say is also very important.
Tony, your blog is a wonderful support for me right now as I too have realised since attending Universal Medicine just how much I have been holding back and not speaking up at appropriate times. Trusting that what I have to say is actually a blessing for others, even if they don’t agree, is certainly a new and empowering perspective for me and one that I am slowly coming to grips with.
If we have a good old honest look at ourselves, it starts to become glaringly obvious that we’re holding back for some of us. I too feel that I have been restricting what I say for the sake of not opening ‘cans of worms’ every where I go, not to mention the fear of rejection. This improves as I do my steadiness within – it’s a direct correlation I’ve felt.
Love it, if we don’t even try to self develop where are we going? Well still somewhere but I’d rather enjoy the amazing of ‘giving it a go’ and develop what ever needs to be developed.
When we speak up with the simplicity, common sense and tenderness as you do Tony it is something beautiful to behold. I used to see speaking up as dangerous or hard to do, but now inspired by people doing it, like you, I see it is a super loving thing.
Thanks Tony for your beautiful honesty , I too have held back and used a demeaning way of putting people down and living in a world of reaction , a deliberate ploy that they and me were not worth stepping up for and expressing the truth I deeply knew. Having been involved with Universal Medicine and making loving choices for myself and now I and all people are definitely worth stepping up for and delivering the truth that I live..
Such an awesome common sense approach Tony. I too have been the one to not speak up in certain situations, mostly outside of my family where I always spoke up. I found I seemed to develop almost a polar opposite public persona that chose to keep the peace rather than rock the boat. Funnily enough the moments I did speak up it was often so shocking to others that they reacted badly, so I went back to my quiet ways. While I still oscillate like this at times, more often than not I am finding my feet in the world and speaking with more honesty. While the results are still mixed I find I am learning to hold myself more and learn from what each new situation presents. I also feel each day I claim this more and the real me is coming out to be seen and it feels great.
Your expression is simple and powerful. The commitment you choose to be responsible with your words is truly inspirational, as is your awareness of the harm caused by your silence.
Indeed Samantha, the inaction or silence, is where much harm is done in the world. Einstein said this too.
This is a very inspirational blog Tony and I find myself on the same page as you. I definitely need to speak up more and take the risk to be not liked or even opposed, but to not get offended by that and not needing to be seen or recognized in it other than my own recognition of the truth.
A wonderful blog Toni. By holding back so as to not ‘rock the boat’ is not only saying OK to what is happening, it is harming to ourselves and serves nobody.
Thank you Tony I could relate so easily to what you have shared with us – For so many years I held back what I truly felt to say in many given situations. This causing an awful sensation in my body particularly around my upper chest and throat area – no surprise there! – Until I attended presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I would of continued this trend of ‘holding back’ (yes it slips in occasionally) but now I recognise that old pattern and can make those changes. As I clearly observed, not expressing serves no one including ourselves.
A great blog Toni – thankyou. I echo these lines about expressing; “I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go.” How do we practise if we don’t allow ourselves to make mistakes?
Thank you Toni, so beautiful to hear that you have chosen to open up, not only to life but also yourself. Its so great that the world gets to see and feel the gorgeous man you truly are.
So beautiful, Toni. I have come to know your sensitivity and tenderness and observed you coming out more and expressing this lovely man that you are. And also speaking up. It deeply touches me seeing and feeling men to let go of their hardness and protection and show their loving tender real selves. That is strength.
Speaking up is something I am learning to do more in my life as well Tony. I have been holding myself and my expression back for way too long – not wanting to rock the boat as well. When I hold myself back, this holds back others as well – nobody wins, learning to express is a loving choice and I feel great when I do and this can support others to express more freely as well – a win/win!
Very true – when we hold back, we hold other people back as well. That means, we have a big responsibility here – it is not only about us, it is always about everybody.
I started measuring what to say what not to say from very early years. Adults around me seemed not to like when I was speaking the truth.
Later on sometimes I didn’t care what reaction my speaking will bring-and it felt great!
Very often I got an impression that people just don’t listen-so what’s the point in speaking?
After attending Universal Medicine presentations it makes more and more sense that by not speaking we participate in other’s activities. They might get it or not, it’s up to them. My responsibility is to speak the truth.
And I agree with above comments-the way we live, how we speak-it’s all important.
Thanks Tony for writing about this. Being a man who has held back for as long as I can remember, in saying what I felt for a fear of what might come back to me i can appreciate what you have written. I can recall many conversations where I have felt my chest was ready to explode. Words desperately wanting to be expressed and me pushing them down refusing to express them. Afterwards the anger and frustration, mostly with myself, step in and complicate things even more. On the odd occasion when I did get around to saying something, I was generally surprised by the response. All the anxiety and anger was not necessary. I always knew this was not good for me. It is a gradual process for me in changing how I behave in certain situations. I still find it difficult to fully express what I feel, but more and more I am emerging from this cloud of holding back, hiding, and allowing me to say what I need to say.
I have also spent years of being silent and because of Universal Medicine I am learning to speak when it is needed. It feels great to speak without holding back.
Tony: that one is awesome! I love the simplicity and spot on truth you bring here! Very powerful.
I see around me how many people hold themselves back, already from a young age you see kids trying to figure out what to say, when to say it, when not to say anything. It is sad that we think we will not be accepted for who we are, what we feel, when we speak up and express. I am learning to express from who I am, not worrying about other people’s reactions. I love how my body feels when I don’t hold back what I feel, who I am, beautiful and grand, tender and loving. I practice everyday for I know what Serge Benhayon says is true: expression is everything.
Thank you for sharing Tony your experiences of speaking up. I am still working on this after a life time of holding back, for what ever reason I came up with at the time and at times I still find it challenging as some days feel easier than others. However I am feeling stronger for it and at times dare I say it ‘enjoying it’.
This is super cool Tony. Claiming ourselves and speaking up is powerful, and I completely agree that it feels great to get it out and provide a true reflection for people rather than be that person who ‘goes along’ with everything. Thanks for sharing!
I can so relate to your sharing here Tony and I can feel the tension in my body when something does not feel okay. I am not always sure of what it is exactly, however I know that just expressing my concern is a starting point and I may go back and speak up later. Knowing the importance of expressing instead of holding my feelings inside has been a major healing for me.
I like the way you are willing to learn from your mistakes. Coming back to expressing is a challenge and I have also messed up a lot, but learnt so much.
Tony, this is a great and very simple blog, one that many people will be able to relate to – the fear of speaking up and standing out for whatever reason that may be. But I will stand with you and say that speaking up, being honest and sharing your truth feels incredible – as opposed to holding back and saying nothing, knowing that it’s just the same or even adding to who may be choosing to behave in an abusive way.
Thanks Tony for being such an inspiration. I too am coming to the uncomfortable realisation that all the times I have not spoken up when things are not ok have actually contributed to the abuse in this world, the disharmony, the corruption, the bullying, and everything that is not true – and I have allowed it to flourish. Not only that, but it creates a deep contraction in my body as there are times things should have been said but weren’t, and that turns itself inward and becomes ill-energy inside. Learning to just speak up when things don’t feel right is tremendously freeing and allows the world to understand there may be a different way.
Yes Annie – and regarding abuse, I find it very interesting – depending on my awareness I realize that what I called yesterday OK is abuse for me today. To sense abuse is getting finer and finer over time.
I feels much better to say something that needs to be said than to keep it all bottled up to then explode at some other point in time .That was something I have done as I too didn’t want to rock the boat, or was too concerned about not being cool or chilled. Learning to speak up and express is such a great thing to re-learn and teach the children, as it nips things in the bud so to speak.
Before Universal Medicine I would have not thought that one day I would openly say what I feel. This is real honesty and freedom.
“I experienced countless situations where something really needed to be said, but because of my uncertainty in what to say and my unwillingness to stand up I just moved on from the situation, ignoring what I felt.” I’m sure lots of us can relate to this. It is such a damaging way to live. Learning to say how we feel and not hold back is a gift that needs to be shared
Brilliant Tony how you show up this belief about ‘rocking the boat’. My experience too is that in fact the opposite is true. In staying silent we allow these harmful storms to continue and grow instead of simply arresting them when they first show. Not speaking up only leads to rough experiences for us all.
I am very familiar with the ‘not wanting to rock the boat’ and ‘keeping quiet to fit in’ and the discomfort and uncertainty that came with that. I just felt I didn’t really belong. Since listening to presentations with Universal Medicine I understand that I was not being true to me and was thus affected by all around me. Finding confidence in my true self is bringing an appreciation of all that I am and my purpose in life.
This is excellent Tony. Expressing what we truly feel is the key, no matter if we get it wrong. I’m going to just let out what ever I feel from now on, and say oops if its wrong. Like you I am willing to give it a go and truly appreciate those times when we truly express ourselves.
Not speaking up on things which do not feel true is one of the most uncomfortable things to experience in the body. We are all learning to express back to our fullness, and speaking up is a very important step, just as how we speak, what tone of voice we speak with, how much we say, these are all different things we are all constantly learning and living. The mastery of truly expressing has no short cuts, just living it and being aware, constantly re-imprinting, isn’t it? Thank you Tony, your blog is very inspiring for anyone who has held back in speaking up, to know there is a different way, and that our world changes and opens up when we start to express.
Very well said Adele, Tony and Commentors, what inspiration!
Hear hear, it does feel awful in my body when I hold back anything that is clearly there to express. This is not just about speaking up but about holding back in every form or way, like holding back my enormous preciousness and love for all to feel.
Speaking up in front of the tough guys was the most fearful things I could imagine, when I was a boy. The beauty came with Universal Medicine. Not being harsh on myself anymore was the key to find trust to express truth more and more.
I am also learning to express truth Tony. I have embraced this and definitely have made mistakes but see them all as learnings. Viewing life as one big class room has given me so much freedom in life. Its takes away the illusion of perfection, blows arrogance out of the water and has brought honesty and humility to my life.
Thank you Tony for expressing so succinctly the responsibility we all have to not only speak up but also check the way that we are expressing so that we are not imposing our emotions etc on anyone else. Having done a lot of expressing from anger in the past I am now learning a truer way of expressing what is there to be said without having expectations about the outcome.
The not imposing our emotions is super important. I have an apprentice at work and I see first hand what happens when I speak to him with frustration/anger that he has made a mistake, he is flattened. I still have to say something about the mistake but I have a responsibility in how I say it and when I simply point out what’s wrong with no emotional attachment it supports him to learn from the error.
Thank you Tony and Helen, I agree that emotional out plays actually help no one, even excitement gets my pulse racing.
Thank you Tony and Helen, I agree that emotional outplays is actually a cause of many deaths from heart attacks when football teams are in the world cup semi final or final!
Very true tonysteenson – in reaction we actually harm other people. And especially in difficult situations; when we stay in love, we can offer so much to the other person – there is a different way, and with love and respect a healing can take place.
Thanks Helen Elliott, it is amazing how that imposition can come from the loudest and the quietest in the room. I’ve played both sides of the coin at times.
By not calling out what we see and feel so clearly is harming we say yes to the harm for all – indeed Tony that is a big ouch.
Yes, Lee, that is a very big ouch.. but learning to speak up is a great experience, the way I have lived, doesn’t feel good in my body at all, there is so much to be said.
Yes, a very big ouch for as you say Lee it is not just an ouch for ourselves but is harming for all.
Awesome Tony for your inspiring blog. I was also one who used to shy away from speaking up. I realise it felt great when I did but I didn’t do it often enough. Now I know to express what is not ok and not to just ignore it but to speak up about it. The more I express myself the stronger I feel to speak up. I am learning to not hold back but to express love constantly.
This is great blog Tony. It is crazy to see how we transform who we truly are to not feel the jealously and comparison from others, so we live this life in constant holding back of the amazing being and wisdom that we are.
Yes Francisco one day it will be common knowledge just how much we as a society have avoided being ourselves due to feeling the jealousy of another. It’s crazy but if you think of the media and general day to day life at the moment it is common to confirm each other in our smallness and contraction rather then honour the real truth and love that a person has. This article on jealousy say it all! http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html
Tony, I know all about not rocking the boat. I like you have begun to speak up, I at times find this very challenging, but it certainly feels so much better than saying nothing. When I hold back in speaking up I feel a lot of tension in my body. This is so very painful, that I prefer now to speak up. My body loves this choice.
Absolutely Leigh – if we don’t express, what we want to say, then we carry around a lot of tension in our body. And sooner or later this tension will come out any way, most of the time at the wrong time.
I love this blog Tony, I can so relate except I would bottle up every single thing I had felt and had not expressed and this would all come out after a couple of glasses of champagne. It would shock people as I had given them the impression that I was really easy going. Needless to say I lost a lot of friends this way even though I was never intending to hurt them. Nowadays I am learning to speak up in the moment and to discern if it is what is needed as sometimes simply acknowledging what I am feeling to myself is all that is required.
It is so awesome that you are willing to give it a go Tony and express and speak up rather than play it small and not “rock the boat”. Very inspiring
Thanks for sharing Tony. I find at times I have let a situation go where I’ve thought afterwards I should have said something but didn’t.
I have also found that I don’t say something usually because of fear of the response but as you say if you put out anger you will get anger back and if you express your truth lovingly then what comes back can be taken with understanding.
I didn’t used to speak up because I didn’t want to be seen as a troublemaker – I didn’t realise that not speaking up would mean I would forget how to do it and it would be replaced with weight gain, depression, frustration and hurt. I have committed in last few years to develop this ability in again – it has been quite challenging and confronting, “baby steps” as they say, but each step makes a huge difference in my life and there is more harmony with those around, me not less.
What a brilliantly simple and straightforward blog which appears to reflect the simplicity you have brought into your life. I have a lot of experience of being nice and not saying how I feel so as to fit in and be liked, it really is an appalling way to live, as there is so much deceit in being like this and it is quite exhausting. I love how you share moving away from this, ups and downs for sure but so worth it to start speaking from the energising truth.
Thank you Tony, it is amazing what we allow to happen around us when we are unsure of ourselves and have a need to fit in. Like you I have re-found myself these last few years after being inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and it is such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders to not be tied down to having to fit in- so freeing!
I love that you keep giving it a go Tony. If we didn’t know that we need to keep giving it a go, and that our expression is constantly evolving and changing and may feel funny or awkward at times then we may never speak up! How awesome would it be if all children were raised in this way – to ‘practice’ expressing all the time, and be really supported in that so they don’t feel the need to hide and express through other mediums – like listening to heavy metal music and becoming angry as was your case.
Giving anything a go, allows us the willingnss to at least have a look at whats going on around us.
Awesome blog Tony – I love how you have called out that when we don’t say anything we are allowing it to happen. I also like the point you’ve made about being responsible for how we say things – “I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.”
It is the most empowering thing one could imagine to claim their true truth in any situation. It is phenomenal how much we override and choose to not honour our truth, which is always to our own detriment.
Right on Tony. More expression to be felt and to honor at all times.
I love how you describe speaking up as being “willing to give it a go”. You show us that you have to start somewhere and after all those years of not saying anything well gee … you haven’t had much practise! If it doesn’t come quite the way you would have liked your willingness means you are open to another opportunity coming your way. Speaking up seems to have it’s stages of refinement and if we don’t give it a go then the entrapment within ourselves continues. Awesome sharing Tony!
I love what you have shared here Tony. I too have lived a life of not wanting to “rock the boat” which has led to me to not speak up many times so as to play it safe, to make sure people like me. I can now feel the effects of holding back which leaves tension in my body. I am slowly learning to speak up and speak my truth which feels expansive in my body.
I can relate here Tony to the ‘don’t rock the boat’ attitude for fear of standing out from the crowd and not being liked, but there comes a point when if we are aware of it, it feels so much worse in our bodies to not express or communicate what we feel, then the fear does.
Yes the shyness had me not expressing for fear of getting it wrong or standing out, being laughed at or ridiculed so I stayed quiet until I could let loose with artificial stimulants seemingly having a good time but really letting go of the pent up ‘held back’ me. It needed release yet this wasn’t supportive or loving either. As time has passed I have learnt to value myself more and give my self the space to express and I start to feel the benefit of that in my every day.
Great simple blog Tony, and I have been quiet and feeling everything for a long time. But now as I am growing the love I have for myself, I can feel that that isn’t the way anymore and that I can express from who I am the things that don’t feel right for me. This is a great development, learning and knowing that it isn’t about me when people react.
I love what you have expressed here Benkt: ‘But now as I am growing the love I have for myself, I can feel that that isn’t the way anymore and that I can express from who I am the things that don’t feel right for me’. And a lovely reminder that when people react it isn’t about me.
Hello Toni, this is all pretty straight forward and that is how you seem to speak. It is interesting to see how we use different emotions to control ourselves so we don’t have to speak. But as you say by not speaking in any given situation that you feel is ‘wrong’ it’s actually supporting it to continue. So ‘silence is golden’ or anything else we use isn’t true in these situations. If you feel something we have a responsibility to ourselves and others to express it. It doesn’t have to be perfect and sometimes it doesn’t go “crash hot” but it can be the start of something more grand. I have found, like you, that holding something back is far more destructive than letting it out. Universal Medicine has supported me to see that a lot of the things I knew the world to be are actually upside down, they aren’t true. So for me the world is about the truth and it really has set me free. Thanks Toni.
I loved reading this Tony and of course can relate to not speaking up and up to this point this choice has not served me well or anyone else for that matter. I am sure over the years there has been things that needed to be said but I would get in the way every time and hold back or it would come out aggressive. Thank you for the reminder that we are responsible for our expression and although we may fumble from time to time, it gives us the opportunity to learn.
What helps me to speak up is the question: ‘What is more important, the truth or the relationship?’ It is an instant check of where I deviate from speaking up, or try to save an arrangement that I have with someone, or want to please.
Only with/in truth one can have a real relationship anyway…
This blog is very relatable for me as being quiet and unseen has always been my preferred place in social groups. But, like you, I am learning to change that now with such role models as we can find in Universal Medicine, because there is a responsibility that we each have to express the truth.So when I thought I was just being safe by not expressing myself I was actually being irresponsible – which is not something that I wish to continue.
I know when I speak up from frustration or seeking some sort of recognition that this is definitely what comes back at me. In the past I have not taken responsibility for this and have used it as another reason to not to speak up. As I learn to connect to what I am expressing, I am amazed at how I can communicate with and not be affected by even the angriest person and I even enjoy speaking with them and getting past the emotion to just being ourselves.
What a super honest blog Tony. I loved what you shared about the responsibility of our expression and that the energy we express in is so often what returns to us… I began to appreciate more deeply that together with my experience of expressing in anger, frustration, reaction etc and having this come back to me, equally so, when I express in truth, love and honesty, this same truth, love and honesty can also come back to me. Either way, I am responsible for my expression – what a great reminder about which one actually feels better in my body!
Oh I could quote every part of this Tony, just beautiful, thank you so much. These are the parts that I connected most with: “because of my uncertainty in what to say and my unwillingness to stand up I just moved on from the situation, ignoring what I felt.” Something definitely to take note of in every moment. And the importance and beauty in “there is a responsibility with the way I express myself;” “it feels great to get it out” “and am willing to give it a go.” …….. So Inspired!!
This is a great blog, Tony. I have come to realise that allowing ourselves to express by speaking up is an essential ingredient to life. Not speaking up hurts…..recently I have been able to feel how tense I get when I do speak up and say no to harmful behavior. When I investigated where this tension came from I realised I was concerned that because I had ‘rocked the boat’ so to speak, that I would not be liked. I stopped for a moment to feel what I would like more… to be liked… or… to speak the truth. Truth is about everyone and being liked is just for me. From here the choice is very simple.
Gorgeous Robyn.
Thanks Kate.
Robyn, this is awesome for me to read: “I stopped for a moment to feel what I would like more… to be liked… or… to speak the truth. Truth is about everyone and being liked is just for me. From here the choice is very simple.” Thank you
Thanks Jenifer. I have played the game of wanting to be liked rather than speaking the truth my whole life. It is only very recently that I realised how harmful this game is to myself and others. Now having exposed this I am more able to speak the truth even when it is not popular, and this feels great!
Mind you there were times during my life when I just simply could not contain the truth any longer and it would burst out. So truth can only be held back for so long before it has to come out in some way, whether that is through expression or through another way such as an illness or disease.
Speaking up your truth and love is crucial for others, to truly feel that what they do isn’t any longer OK. Sometimes it can be hard for them, but they will love you even more for it in the long run.
It is a big thing to call out behaviour that is so accepted yet so wrong. Very inspiring change Tony. I tend to say how I feel these days too, thanks to Universal Medicine workshops and presentations showing me how much I was hurting myself – and then others by bottling everything up and just getting angry. Passive aggression is becoming a thing of the past.
Great blog Tony. I have often struggled, not only with not speaking up generally, but also in finding a balance between speaking up when I notice something is ‘off’ and in discerning when is the best time to say something i.e. leaving something unsaid because it isn’t the right moment and it would be better said at another time. It is slowly becoming easier as I learn to tune in more with my body and use it as a guide.
Not speaking up has so many more negative results than speaking up I have experienced, the constant ‘you should of said this’ thoughts and having to continue to ‘put up’ with a situation I could have otherwise stopped a long time before. What I love about this blog Tony is that willingness to give it a go, speaking up that is, if there is a mistake then so be it, learn and carry on. That feels like a much more supportive way to live than to constantly worry about rocking the boat. Thank you.
I love your honesty Tony. I was never one to talk about the weather, always wanting to have real exchanges with others, but found it didn’t really happen. I now realise that whilst that was the way I felt, I never knew what to say and so said nothing, hence that is what returned to me. What Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has brought to light is a beautiful gift, the gift of the amazingness of who we really are and the wisdom each of us hold within. I am now practising putting myself ‘out there’ a little more each day and I too trip up but that is not going to stop me from opening to others and allowing others to be open with me. Thank you for your sharing.
I have stayed silent many times when I knew I should say something. It is a suffocating and disempowering experience to hold back what we know is right and true. Thank you for this lovely reminder to keep it simple and speak up Tony.
Until recently I thought that I had generally spoken up, but then I saw that was always a calculation or measuring in what I said. Even if I was going against what people wanted to hear, I always calculated with my head just how much I could say. It came as a shock recently to realise that in fact I had really held back and twisted my expression, and the extent to which I had done so, and to realise how hesitant I was when it came to expressing without holding back. I can feel how absolutely unnecessary it is for me to do this though, and how contorted the lack of expression feels in my body. Great to be reminded to keep at it, and to just learn from your mistakes.
Exactly Tony, not speaking up against something we know is rude, offensive or just off, is a silent ‘it’s ok’. Nobody evolves in this and we carry what we haven’t expressed with us.
Tony, I love the simple truth you present with such humility. Overcoming the fear of not fitting in and to express what I honestly feel isn’t right in a way that others can hear and maybe even learn from, is one of my major challenges in life – humbleness is the key as you have so clearly demonstrated here.
Hi Tony, I super dooper love what you are saying here; every single one of us does not speak up a lot! Because if we were, the world would be a very different place. I dearly love your humble and learning approach, because so many say things from an ‘I know better than’ instead of from the love they live. Your awesome blog, I can feel, is from the love you live and as I know you now, I can see how much this claimed love of yours has grown to be more of the deeply loving tender man you are.
Tony I love how you have spoken up with your truth. By you doing this and sharing it, it inspires me to do the same in my own life. I particularly loved how you said as a child ‘I was never loud or outspoken, and I didn’t really talk about how I felt to anyone. What I did though, was become really angry, so I started my relationship with heavy metal music… because listening to angry music seemed to have a calming effect on me when I was upset’. How many of us in society feel overwhelmed with the array of emotions we feel on the inside that we try and match, ignore, or even numb what we feel on the inside with what is happening around and outside of us? So if you feel crappy and emotional in any way for example sad, angry or frustrated, (anything that you really do not want to feel), you actually create games, situations and scenarios around you to either equalize or numb that feeling inside of you. The many ways you can do this is an endless list, but nonetheless all simply confirm and feed how crappy you feel, so you stay feeling the emotion you don’t want to feel in the first place. What a trap… wouldn’t it be far more sensible to just state the fact I feel crappy, sad, angry, frustrated because…. and in that true expression you know on the inside you are more than that emotion and stop the ensuing game and trap? Thank you Tony, awesome sharing.
It is lovely to read how you got out of the prison of not expressing. I am sure it is a gift, everytime you open your mouth and express what is important for you.
Thank you, Tony. I could feel so much power when you said “I say what I feel a lot of the time now” – in that very simple statement, there’s so much claiming and it’s very inspiring to feel.
Thank you for sharing this Tony. It is so true what you say that by not speaking up we allow it to happen. I also feel that in these situations there is often someone else or several others who also feel that it is not ok but aren’t willing to speak up – by speaking up we can also support others who would like to speak up but don’t feel able.
As your wife I can say it is a gift to have you speak up. Our family is richer with your voice, as is the world.
I never understood why people choose to listen to heavy metal music! Thanks for the insight. Letting go of the fear of not fitting in is massive! It is something that, for me, has many layers and I am slowly but surely peeling each layer back.
I agree it is so important to talk about how we feel, otherwise it remains unsaid festering inside us, and then it explodes out all at once, which confirms to us, speaking up is not worth the hassle.
Tony simply awesome thank you for sharing this with us all. This line really rang true for me “I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen.” Yes I am discovering more and more now how much better it feels to express how you feel in all circumstances. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t but it’s all great.
I have been in your shoes Tony and I can so relate to your story. I too am expressing more and doing so with less emotions or judgements.This is making a difference in my words being heard too.
Thanks Tony, I can relate to this. It was a big gulp of bitter sweet medicine when Serge Benhayon presented on the science of what I and many do not like in the world, the abuse and lovelessness is able to be because I and many others have allowed it to be so by not speaking up.
“Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.”
― Leonardo da Vinci
Thanks Tony and Deanne, I can relate too. Realising in our ‘comfortable’ silence we endorse the behaviours that have no place in our world is a great shakey wakey moment where not speaking up is no longer an option I’m prepared to play ball with. Love your expression Tony – so clear. So intensely pressured for our young guys to fit in to something they’re not. Men like you Tony who are now true to themselves and willing to speak up are trail blazers for a much needed turn around in our world.
“the abuse and lovelessness is able to be because I and many others have allowed it to be so by not speaking up.” I am understanding this more and more every day and appreciating the responsibility I and each one of us has to play our part in such situations to ensure a loving way returns.
I was a pleaser and did not express what I was feeling most of the times. It is inspirational to read that you are experimenting and allowing yourself to make mistakes in speaking up. That’s what I am learning too.
I can very well relate to that Annelies.
I always tried to please and create seeming harmony through manipulating. Through Universal Medicine I discovered and understood that this behavior was not only not loving, but abusive in fact and only served me to not have to speak up and stand for the truth that I was feeling inside of me.
Tony you put it in a nutshell – there is nothing to add – just thank you for being so simple and clear.
I agree Esteraltmiks. Tony you clearly have had no problem expressing yourself here. It’s really encouraging. Thank you so much for showing how easy speaking up can be.
Thanks for sharing this Tony. So often we deny what we feel or suppress what needs to be said due to a concern about not being accepted. In my experience, when I do voice these things, it is often that someone else has been feeling the exact same thing but has also been suppressing it. I find that, once I have spoken up, it frees others to also speak up.
Tony, this is great! I always (well, almost always) spoke up but it wasn’t much use because I spoke in reaction. I had to learn to speak up without imposing on the other. Before that my ‘speaking up’ was probably just as bad as not speaking up.
Great blog, mate!
Tony I can relate to what you are saying about ‘not rocking the boat’, in other words being accepted or liked. If water has seeped into the boat such that we are all in danger of capsizing, then most certainly the boat needs to be rocked to get the water out and so that our destination is reached.
One thing we might not realise is how much another person might need the support of someone saying something about their behaviour or how they are. Speaking up is also not just about what’s wrong with life, it’s also about confirming the qualities of another person that are positive and true about them. We’ve all got so much to offer if we would just start talking!
‘If I express in anger I get anger coming back to me’ – This should be a title of a book.
Great idea Madeline!
Thank you for sharing Tony, I was also a quiet one who kept things pent up inside me. Like you I belted out my angst with heavy metal music, looking back after reading your blog I understand why. I also have come to a greater understanding of myself and others via the teachings of Universal Medicine.
I can so relate to this Tony thank you for sharing. “I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen. That’s a big one that I’m sure we’re all guilty of, but one that I want to call from now on.”
I am still learning to speck up and implement it in full but every time I do it feels so true, so freeing and so much more honouring of the women I am. Something I very much impulsed to work on.
Saying what I feel is a challenge I am taking nowadays. To know when I need to speak up and when I need to shut up, is a daily learning. The responsibility, the effect it has on others, and when I am expressing just for me or for everyone, is an art that I am not a master on, but paying more attention to expressing more and with quality, connecting first.
Thanks Tony. Yes staying silent hasn’t worked for me either. I have found it doesn’t bring awareness and only builds resentment. Learning how to stay connected and speak from love and not from reaction is what I’m learning.
I also listened to hardcore music ,internalised and held back from expressing what I felt when I felt it a lot in those teen and young adult years. It feels much better to express as we go and then not have to put up with those painful, frustrating times of having to put up or go along with things that just aren’t right for us.
I can relate to your experience in life here Tony and I am also giving ‘expressing’ a go. It doesn’t always work but when it does it feels amazing. Thank you Universal Medicine
I too am learning to say what I feel Tony and it is so freeing. Like you I have learned that staying silent only contributes to things remaining the same. We have to stand up for what we know is right.
Yes Tony, I put my hand up for that one. I too have been very guilty of not speaking up in the past. And although I speak up a lot more these days, my confidence is still developing as is trusting MY way of expressing. Thank you for speaking up and by doing so presenting me with this opportunity to also speak up.
Thank you Tony for speaking up and sharing your experience, I too have lived a life of keeping quite so as to keep things peaceful. Since coming to Universal Medicine I am learning to speak up and now feel that I have a voice and an experience to offer.
Dig you Tony, expression is not easy when we are all lead to conform and ‘put up or shut up’ I avoid conflict and like to smooth all rough waters but realise I have been complicit in the undertakings of activities that should be spoken up about. Men in particular can be ‘blokey’ and treat other men and particularly women very poorly. Speaking up is something I hope to become more comfortable with.
Tony thank you for this blog.
Silence is consent.
When I remember this I find that I will often speak up and the more I do speak up … the easier it becomes.✨
It’s great that you are choosing to look at an old pattern and to shift how you are in social situations. I’ve often wondered how so many people got away with doing so many horrible, cruel, not so nice or unfair things and it’s because so many of us are scared to speak up and call this behaviour out. Which in turn allows this loveless behaviour to continue. I too have spoken up more over the past few years and when I speak from a loving and non judgemental place often the situation goes very well, but if it comes loaded with anger it always goes badly. Many good lessons and confirmations have been marked along this path of communicating in a loving way and now it is much easier to express like this and not feel scared of the reaction or the outcome.
The no ‘boat rocking’ ahh its so exhausting and constricting and I have known it well, and still do in different situations. Instead of speaking up when I was growing up, I would hold it all in, so not to upset anyone but then I would finally erupt and it would come out but completely reactive and aggressive. I can remember shocking myself by how all this not speaking would fire out of me eventually. I can see now, like you, how expressing in this way does nothing but hurt myself and others. Isn’t it interesting how something we thought we do not want to do, like upset others, we end up doing when we hold on to what needs to be said and it comes out all upside down without love.
Thanks Tony. I have often been one who is willing to rock the boat, and have often been faced with a lot of backlash because of it, however what seems to be finally sinking in at the moment is that if I express in anger, anger is only going to fly back in my face. Expressing from love is definitely not always easy, and I’m a bit too trigger happy to give myself the opportunity to even consider that as an option. Taking responsibility for how I express is more important for me right now, rather than blurting something out as a way of cutting the negative energy, because if I do it that way, I’m only contributing to it. So for now, whilst I learn to express from an understanding of where the other person/s are coming from, I’m keeping my comments and opinions to myself. ….where possible.
Knowing the man you are today Tony it would be a very different world without you speaking up – we all get the benefit of you choosing to express more openly.
Totally agree Lee. Tony is an inspiration to us all.
Speaking up in truly expressing truth is deeply healing. I am in training to learn this more and more. Thank you Toni for your reminder.
I find quite interesting, the fact that angry music seemed to have a calming effect on you when you were angry. I know it sounds strange but I also got this experience. I wonder why is this?
My feeling is that music is like water in a swimming pool that you choose to throw yourself into. Since throwing yourself in there is your decision and the type of water is of your choice, there is a profound alignment that feels like a massive relief for the body. Thus the calm or whatever the music confirms in you.
Great blog Tony, I can relate to what you say too, I spent most of my life feeling shy and keeping myself to myself, not speaking up about anything, thinking it was all “someone else’s problem”. I used to wonder why I didn’t feel love in my life and had few friends, I blamed the world, not realising that it was just reflecting how I was, back to me. Lately, I have been reflecting on what being shy really means. Could it be that I wanted to hide, not wanting to be seen and take responsibility for my life. What a cop out! Then, like you, along came Universal Medicine. Since attending Serge’s workshops and presentations I have started to take responsibility for myself and am beginning come out of my shell, I am finding my voice too and gaining confidence in that, after all, what have I got to lose, why wouldn’t I want to be the real me. Thank-you Tony and thank you Universal Medicine.
I can totally relate Tony and loved reading this. At the moment there are many moments that I feel like saying something, when I feel something is not right but do not know how to express that without any reaction. Your last sentence really inspired me, to just give it a go and probably I will absolutely know what to say at any moment. I look forward learning this with myself.
I am learning that expressing what I feel is probably the most important thing I am going to learn (and discover) in my life. The training wheels are off and I’m very wobbly and fall off occasionally, but I get back on and keep going. I know that this is going to be worth the ride.
Lovely to hear Jennifer. As a very wise man once said “expression is everything’!
I love the simplicity of Tonys blog and also what you write here Jennifer. The training wheels are off for me too and the wobbles and falls are getting less. Learning to not hold back in expressing what I truly feel has been one of the most freeing things that has ever happened in my life and the more I do so with love I have noticed the more it gives others permission to do the same. Win win for everyone.
Thank you Jennifer and Jeanette, taking off the training wheels feels scary at first and I have certainly had wobbles and falls but taking responsibility for expressing rather than hiding behind my fear of ‘rocking the boat’ has allowed for more honest communication within my family and at work which benefits everyone and has stopped my frustrated outbursts when I have let my lack of expression build up so much that it comes out sideways and harms those in its path.
Thanks Tony, its amazing how much we hold ourselves back from expressing what we really feel and for all sorts of nonsensical reasons such as:protecting ourselves and others, laying low so no one notices us, wanting to be liked, to fit in, to not cause reactions etc.. the list goes on and on. I know this list personally because I have used it in many situations myself and as you say Tony it hurts to hold back the love we are and to not express this love.
Thanks Tony, its amazing how much we hold ourselves back from expressing what we really feel and for all sorts of nonsensical reasons such as:protecting ourselves and others, laying low so no one notices us, wanting to be liked, to fit in, to not cause reactions etc.. the list goes on and on. I know this list personally because I have used it in many situations myself and as you say Tony it hurts to not express the fullness of who we are.
WRITING UP! Great blog, great inspiration to EXPRESS yourself. That’s SO ok. Thank you.
You have shared something very important with us Tony – that expression is not about perfection, and that whatever each of us have to share is unique and an important part of ‘the whole’. Beautiful.
A lovely read Tony. Holding back our true expression for fear of ‘rocking the boat’ is something you are not alone in. I have found that expressing my truth is very empowering and my body feels lighter as a result.
Tony what you have shared here is so simple and humble but such a monumental change in your life.
I love this Tony. I too never spoke up growing up but have in more recent years began to express how I truly feel about something. This is thanks to Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon and Universal Medicine who through personal sessions and workshops, have supported me to not hold back not just for myself but also for others. I have come to learn the great disservice I do for everyone involved when I do not express all of what I feel.
“I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.” The lesson in this article for me is realising and living the possibility that, therefore: if I express from Love, then Love is what comes back to me.
How is it possible I have lived a life where I have not chosen to receive Love back by standing silent in the moment where Love should have been shared.
Tony, I love that you’re willing to give it a go, to speak up and say what you feel is not right. Something that is so important for us all, and something I’m learning more to do each day.
Yes Monica and if we say it in a way that doesn’t get the greatest feedback then feel how we said it. Was it in an unemotional way or was it laced with our emotions and quite judgmental or was it said clearly and the other person is reacting to that. The point is, it needs to be said and we have to stop worrying about getting our expression perfect, get it out there and learn along the way.
Thanks Tony, no perfection indeed, it’s always evolving anyway – great reminder
I love this blog Tony. You’re right when you say we’ve all been a bit guilty in not speaking up when its been needed. It’s certainly an important learning and true healing for all of us to claim ones’ voice and speak truth with loving authority in each moment – whenever and wherever the impulse is felt…Thanks for sharing this…
Tony I have lived far too long not ‘rocking the boat’ so to speak. I am finding my voice more and more and learning that speaking what it is that I feel to speak is ok, even if the boat is rocked!
So simply put Tony. I’m just beginning to speak out with out the fear of rocking the boat. The fear is still there but I’m aware of it now. And rocking the boat often causes a reaction. Sometimes this reaction is because of what I have said and other times it is because of the way I have delivered it. My delivery of my expression is not always spot on, but I’m a work in progress and the wobbly step I’ve taken to actually speak up feels pretty amazing.
I agree Raegan, that often when I have voiced something that did not feel right, it has been received with reaction. Now I am OK with that, because it is also about respecting another’s choice. Then it does not become personal. Thank you Tony for this conversation and your honesty.
I love how simple and straight forward you have shared Tony. I have not been one for ‘speaking up’ when i was growing up and in my early adulthood. I didn’t speak up, also for fear of not fitting in, being accepted. Then when i did find a voice, i expected that people would just listen when i did express, but learned that would not always happen either. However, the more i have built a relationship with me and who i am, I am able to speak up in more and more situations with clarity, confidence and deliver it from my heart.
I love the honesty of this blog and being willing to give what needs to be said a go! Inspiring and a reminder that there’s no right or wrong and we are all learning all the time. Thank you Tony.
Hi Tony, what a great blog. Sharing what I feel and not trying to figure out how someone might take it has also been a really hard thing for me to do ever since I was a kid. But when I do manage to it, it’s the best feeling in the world.
Holding back on expressing doesn’t feel good in the body. It’s like the words get stuck inside and then you end up carrying around all this unexpressed stuff that weighs you down. The more I don’t hold back, the lighter and freer I feel. I don’t always get it right either, but it feels much better to express and get it wrong, than keep it all in. Thanks for sharing Tony.
I can really relate to this one, as I read it multiple situations from work came to mind where I hold my tongue and say nothing. It feels horrible and uncomfortable and yet I have chosen to not rock the boat. Reading this again is inspiring to say ‘Why not give it a go?’. Why should I hold back because if I feel that way what if someone else feels the same but are also holding back? Until shown otherwise, as I have through this blog, that speaking up does help.
“I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen”. This is BIG and so true. We need to speak up, all of us and call out what is not right. I was the opposite, I would speak out but this was only to my family and I didn’t take action when needed, so now I am learning yes speak out but speak out AND take action; otherwise nothing changes.
This is great and my husband was very similar to you in the way he would not speak up and just hold back. Today he is the polar opposite thanks to the inspiration from Universal Medicine workshops and presentations.
I am known for not holding back and just saying it as it is. That has not made me popular but it has made me real and I can live with that. More and more people now tell me that I inspire them because I just say it as it is. Of course I am not perfect so when I am in reaction and blast out then it comes back to me the same – just as you say.
I have no intention of giving up this way of living and expressing and I remain open to learning. I know that there is a responsibility I have to speak the truth so others can listen and feel what I am communicating.
When we say what we feel to say we feel lighter, it is great to speak up when things are not right or not OK.
Tony, I am starting to express more and more and finding I am not getting as much resistance or reactions come back at me. I feel I am more steady and connected with myself when I express, giving me a new level of confidence.
This is very inspiring for me to read Tony, ‘I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go.’ After many years of not speaking up and saying what felt true, I’m learning to express what I feel and when I do it feels amazing and when I don’t it feels awful, it’s lovely to read how you are willing to give it a go and are not hard on yourself when it doesn’t go so well, thank you.
I can relate to what you say in your article Tony. I am starting to express how I feel more of the time and as you say “it feels great to get it out”.
Great blog Tony and apart from the heavy metal music you are describing me. What Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon presents has dramatically changed my life. From that quiet, timid and unconfident person to expressive, outgoing and very confident is a miracle. And like you,I don’t always get it right but the willingness is there.
Thank you for sharing your journey with speaking up and expressing so simply how important it is to speak up and do it without anger, frustration, resentment etc. This is how I used to speak up in the past but I am now learning to express what needs to be said without it being laced with emotions and although it doesn’t always come out in the best way I am working on it and it feels great to have a voice and encourages me to look at the situations where I still tend to hold back and the reasons why.
What is so important here is the realisation that by not speaking up we are actually allowing the yuck to happen, we are in fact giving it permission to continue. Once we allow ourselves to see it that way it becomes a lot easier and simpler to speak up and express as the alternatives can be pretty vile.
Powerful blog- thankyou Toni. In the UK we have just had a days workshop about presenting – delivering truth. I have been hiding away from confrontation for years. Now it is time to stand up for truth, regardless of the outcome. Your point, “I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself,” feels very real for me also. It is not just about me any more, but as Rebecca mentioned in her comment ” If everyone stood up and called out what they feel is wrong with the world in big or little ways we really would create a platform for true change”.
Great blog Tony. It’s amazing that something as simple as not speaking up can have such a huge effect. Like you I have spent much of my life scared to speak up when something has felt wrong. I am beginning to find my voice, and the more I do it the less difficult it gets. We are indeed condoning what we see if we do not call it for what it is. We all have a part to play. If everyone stood up and called out what they feel is wrong with the world in big or little ways we really would create a platform for true change.
Lovely to read your blog Tony, speaking up has always been a ginourmous thing for me, for so long I just simply couldn’t and didn’t want to do it. Through Universal Medicine courses I have seen that I actually have a responsibility to speak up, that not speaking up is just as bad as the crime itself. I’ve also learnt how immensely freeing it is to finally speak what I feel and not hold it in for eons.
Great to reread this again Tony, the ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ that you write about was so true for me too. What I didn’t understand was that I wasn’t just saying no to rocking the boat, I was also saying no to speaking my truth. Worrying about what others will think or say is worrying about how they will judge me and letting go of all that is immensely freeing.
Great blog Tony. When you say “I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me”, I now realise this myself since connecting with Universal Medicine. You have also explained to me the appeal of heavy-metal music; something which I never fully understood before.
A great blog Toni and a great reminder to say what we feel and not hold back.
What a great blog. I know every time I’ve felt to say something but have justified to myself why I shouldn’t, I harm not only myself but perhaps those people/ person really needed to hear what I had to say or at least open up the conversation. More often than not I will say something but, because I’ve been out of practice at expressing myself, sometimes it comes out clunky. I feel this is ok. Standing by myself and just lovingly accepting myself is such an important part of this process.
I love this blog. I felt the truth and honesty coming out of it, so clear. A crucial issue for everyone. I know in my life’s lack of expression that has lead me to feel frustrated and angry and ultimately it supported an image of myself with low self esteem. But, now, yes I am learning to express the truth as I feel it and some times yes, it can be a bit rough around the edges, “not so crash hot’ but still, it feels great to do it. Thank you for sharing!
A great read Tony. I am also finding, like you, the difference in when I speak up and when I close down.
As I discovered today – holding back is actually a dishonesty. Quite a statement – but I completely relate to it 100%. Same goes for how we speak to people – so if I say something and it isn’t clear what I’ve said, then usually the response I get back is just as confusing. Amazing reflection I say!
A very honest account.
Great story Tony. Thank you.
Although generally a confident person, I have been surprised by the number of times I don’t speak up – usually in meetings or when arranging meetings – if someone speaks with confidence, I find it easy to assume they know better than me, only to find out later that I was right and if I had spoken up it could have saved a lot of wasted time!
Thank you Tony for this beautiful blog which says it all. The fear of ‘rocking the boat’ can hold us back all our lives, and so it is inspiring that you have claimed your truth and are prepared to voice it no matter what.
I have the worst case scenarios that run around in my head, and give me an excuse to hold back and not express myself fully, but in the moments when I have spoken my truth, without trying to tailor or sugar coat it, people have not reacted.
I feel lighter in myself when I am not holding in everything I’ve wanted to say. This is a feeling I choose to have more of.
Tony I can completely relate, I’ve always been the last to speak up and often had the feeling of being mute, even entertained the thought that I wish we could communicate without speaking! However recently I have learned that my expression in the world is vital – and like you say – if we do not say no that’s not ok, it allows so many horrible things to continue. I’ve also learned that when I speak the truth there is a huge power in me and it feels immensely freeing.
Great sharing Tony, it really is about connecting and expressing, not holding back. Speaking the truth from within, otherwise we only build up anger by holding it inside of us.
Tony, your blog is so simple and a timely reminder for me, thank you
I was at a recent gathering of people where one person commented on how she felt we were expressing together. She had been rather unsure of whether or not to say anything, but it was important that she did, because the whole group responded, and there was an immediate shift in the group energy as we connected to our deeper selves and expressed from there. Sometimes what we feel is a truth the whole group needs to hear.
Thank you Tony for sharing that we have a responsibility to not only speak up but also how we communicate, otherwise the silence is actually an agreement to what’s happening.
Thank you Tony for sharing what ill is caused by not speaking up, I can raise my hand for not speaking up in the past. Speaking up and in truth is just an amazing feeling.
Love reading your blog this morning Tony and it has inspired me to be more responsible in the way I communicate today. Thank you for sharing so simply and directly.
A really awesome and simple article, one that really resonated with me. I have never been good at standing up for myself, in the sense of speaking up when I don’t think something is right. But reading how you have very simply changed this pattern for yourself and are learning how to express your truth is very inspiring, thank you Tony.
Great article Toni. I can relate to what you have written and I am now speaking my truth more, a work in progress.
Hi Tony, love the blog and a great reminder to speak up all of the time not just when it feels safe. If we do not we are basically agreeing with the behaviour whatever it might be.
I absolutely love your blog Tony. You say so much and in a few words so it’s easy to read, very simple and truly profound. Just my style !
Everything you say is true for me personally as my husband had this “not saying what needed to be said” thing going on all his life. Today – thanks to the teachings, wisdom and support of the the workshops, presentations and esoteric healing practitioners of Universal Medicine, he just says what he feels.
The thing I noticed was once this expressing what he felt started, his weight really did drop off and his confidence grew and he really is what I call a real bloke. A man who walks his talk and remains very steady when he does speak. What he says is Always profound and well worth listening to.
Yes, we have a lot to share. We matter! Expression is everything. I am continuing to remember that it matters what I say.
Hi Tony, I am reading this one year on and it is so relevant, thank you. Recently I attended a diner party and wanted to go as I was feeling tired but didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to break up the fun. I finally did and everyone moved – funny – they may have been holding back too, but nobody wanted to be the first to say anything. It is a great reminder that when we speak up, sometimes we speak up for humanity.
Thank you Carmel, this is a really great reminder.
I have always been outspoken and did not shy away from speaking. However, lot of the time the speaking part was fuelled with anger, frustration, sadness… What I have found interesting is that even within ‘speaking’ and ‘being open’ there is and we can find ‘room’ to hold back. Not any more.
Thank you Tony. Awesome post. A great reminder for me as sometimes I hold back, and sometimes I say way too much. Both a work in progress.
Beverley i can completely resonate with that, sometimes I hold back and sometimes I say too much. Also a work in progress for me.
Isn’t it crazy that there are all these people … it seems everyone … going around not speaking up. We all seem to be aware at some level that what we are all getting hooked into is not true and is unloving but go along with it to fit in. Fit in with what I wonder? What a funny world we live in! You could make some great comedy sketches out of it I’m sure. 😀
Thank you Tony, for bringing up this topic. I have been working on this because recently I couldn’t speak up for my own needs with someone and sat feeling overwhelmed because I had the misguided ideal that I should listen to others when they seem needy even at my own expense. One thing I have learned is that if no words come – they didn’t – I can just use body language – like standing up to indicate I want a change in the energy or the situation.
Thanks Tony. Great truth here about how when we don’t speak up, we are condoning what is happening. We effectively become an accomplice.
I agree, a great truth that Tony has shared and I like the way you said we effectively become an accomplice when we don’t call out unloving behaviour.
I agree Doug. I was definitely one who thought that if I just ignore something I didn’t like it would go away. It doesn’t, it stays rankling within you. Learning to speak up when something does not feel right is very liberating.
Thanks Tony for sharing this. I too have felt the importance of speaking up about what we are feeling in situations, particularly if something that is going on is not ok for us or for others. Even in this awareness I still can find it difficult at times to speak clearly what I feel from place that isn’t judging or blaming, or frustrated or hurt – but just simply from the heart – a simple truth. I feel trust in oneself and love for humanity is what is needed here to support us to have the confidence to simply express all that we feel. What I have experienced is that when doubt sets in, or we react to a situation, we tend to complicate things and this is when it gets messy.
I love your willingness to give it a go – without this, we would be nowhere!
You’re awesome Tony, and I love the fact you speak up, you bring so much to our home and all those you come into contact with in your day, thanks for being an inspiration.
Wow Toni, I can really feel your love for your husband Tony in your reply. What a beautiful example of a couple communicating with love and respect you share with us.
Hi Tony thanks for your post, I am learning this too, how harming not speaking up is to ourselves and others.
Fitting in and not saying anything was my way of coping with life, I used to think that was my strength, adapting to what was going on around me… I made a great chameleon! That is changing as I claim more of me each day, and how so much simpler life is when you speak up.
Amazing Tony, bravo so true – we condone situations we don’t like if we don’t say anything. I know from my youth I was horrified at the behaviour of the people I had to travel to school with but never said a thing – but now I am finding I have the confidence to gently speak out. It’s still a work in progress, but I am no longer going to accept unloving behaviour.
I can so connect with your comments here Tony. I can even remember wanting guarantees that if and when I finally I did speak up – that there wouldn’t be a reaction from others, that it would all be plain sailing.
Since then, I have been standing up for myself – calling out the smallest behaviour that I feel is dishonouring – both of another and of me. I am finding that most people are extremely receptive to what I say – which surprises me sometimes. Sometimes they are challenged, or perhaps don’t understand, but when I take the time to explain myself, where I am coming from, they seem to be fine.
So this hesitation about what others might think about me speaking my truth is all but gone. Even if the situation is confronting, there is a feeling that must be expressed and when I hold my tongue, I usually regret it. There is certainly much to learn about expressing myself, but equally, others learn by my expression.
Thanks for presenting a really important point Stephanie, that actually people are far more receptive to truth when you take the time to explain and don’t do so out of reaction. Reading your experience with people listening to what you say is really encouraging.
Thank you so much Tony!
Great line Tony: ‘I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen.’
My previous approach was a bit different to yours in that I often reacted and spoke up too quickly, which often didn’t go down too well with others. Universal Medicine has shown me the wisdom of simply observing and responding. It has been a gradual change to learn how to speak my truth without reacting – but certainly worthwhile.
Thanks for sharing.
“…. I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen” – there is so much truth in this, yet it’s almost hard for me to accept it because with accepting it comes a whole new level of responsibility, which I know for myself… I have often chosen to ignore, by burying my head in the sand and pretending I didn’t know.
I am not perfect, but am becoming more aware!
Tony, simply expressed and something I can relate to. Something I continue to work on. Thank you.
Thanks for your honest post Tony. You’ve put it so powerfully, and simply – just how holding back what we know is there to say, hurts us (& others). Continual learning, for us all… A great revelation also, regarding music and how we may use it to bury/confirm our pain.
And I have to say, it’s absolutely awesome to hear your voice – the truth you express is always from your lived experience, and so very true.
Thanks Tony, I too have often not said what was there to be said. Instead walking away, ignoring and even burying my head in the sand so I would not have to know what was going on around me or in the world. I am now enjoying myself as I learn to express what it is that I have to say, nobody expresses the same way so we all need to speak up.