by Joseph Barker, Graphic Designer, Melbourne, Australia.
Have you ever felt scared of other people? I grew up being scared of my parents, particularly my Dad. When they used to fight and he got angry, it felt like I was being torn inside. When I spoke up it only seemed to make things worse, so I ran and hid in my room.
I’m 35, and recently I’ve realised I’ve spent my life still hiding in this room. True, I moved country (to the other side of the world!), but essentially I’ve always reacted the same way. When things get challenging, I run back to my safety zone: my work, my computer, my home. I say I am open to others, but I only let people see a bit of me, only get ‘so’ close.
This ‘beautiful isolation’ has not been beautiful at all. There has always been a deep sense of loneliness, of feeling ugly, and that I was unacceptable.
Three years ago I met a woman who was different. She was warm, honest, funny and direct. But it was the way she tenderly folded my jumper one day and placed it on my bed that touched me in a way I can’t explain. When she introduced me to the presentations of Serge Benhayon and the possibility that:
‘everything is energy – therefore everything is because of energy’
it simply made so much sense. It confirmed the feelings I had been having all my life – and explained the care I felt in the way she lived.
When I attended a Universal Medicine event for the first time my immediate impression was one of equality and unbelievable safety. Here were all these people, and yet I felt so safe and warm! Through the simple presentations and healing work I have been part of since then, I have come to recognise that the monster I have been running away from all these years actually does not exist. All I am running away from is life itself.
Seeing I have a choice to stay present no matter what occurs has been incredibly powerful. We often hear that to be an adult you need to harden up, to take life on the chin. My experience is the opposite. I have discovered that when I let myself really feel what’s going on, with me and other people, I have the opportunity to make an informed choice, to take responsibility. If I choose to leave I can do it knowingly – not from fear or a perceived hurt. In short, I no longer have to run away from life, or run away from me.
I am not perfect. I’m learning to do this and communicate. 30+ years in a small dark room will tend to cramp your style! Through the friendships I am letting into my life, and old connections I am nourishing, a new trust is being built. Again and again the theme is of simplicity, and that we are all the same. Today my Dad and I are able to talk as equals, and I know and understand he’s actually always been underneath, a tender and gentle man, just like me. Although we’re not together anymore, I walk every week with the lady I mentioned above. We have developed an honest and open friendship which continues to grow and enrich my life.
Yesterday I returned home from a simple barbecue – a few people in the sun talking and having fun being together. Nothing earth shattering happened. No miracles or lightning struck. But when I returned to my old safety zone, my home, I felt well, warm, vital and alive. And I realised… it’s people: I love being with people. All people, all sizes, shapes and kinds. Yes, it can be challenging at times, but it’s why I feel I am here. To share and joke and laugh and hug. To question and contemplate. Yes, people get angry and frustrated, but now I see that is not something to be scared of, but to understand. We all have much to learn. It’s like I am finally returning to my younger self in that room and giving him a big hug. We have a world and soon he sees that the world is an awesome place to be. Besides he’s 6ft 3” and way too big for such a small room anymore!
At last, I am making room in the world for me.
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
That is a great leaning Joseph, for all to learn, that we do not need to be scared for life but that life is actually taking care for us to become grander and full if we are open for whatever life brings and are able to let go our guards of protection.
Indeed Joseph, we have learned that we have to Harden up in life because the world is dangerous, but in truth the hardening takes us away from ourselves and makes us unprepared for what is happening. That to me makes life a scary world, which otherwise would be a joyful playground, if we were not hardened and were completely with ourselves.
i like how you say you were still hiding in your room even though the outer appearance had taken a different shape. It shows how we carry all our experiences with us and that we only learn to cope with them but not truly heal them. Universal Medicine offers a way where that which has hurt us is truly healed so we can let go of the behaviours of managing life and do not need others to replace them, but can freely move on with the love and tenderness that is naturally ours.
Very real and touches my heart and I can really relate to all you share here so much. A beautiful coming home to all you are and the space and joy this allows us with the reality of loving people and the expansion of this awareness it allows in our lives.
“Seeing I have a choice to stay present no matter what occurs has been incredibly powerful.” Yes Joseph, I agree. It is only when we lose our presence that we feel ‘at sea’ and no longer feel we have anything to back us up, and this is when we can find oursevles in situations that are challenging as we let our emotions get in the way of who we actually are.
We are so good at hiding away from life and other people when we think we ‘dont fit’, but all we are doing is hiding from ourselves. Its lovely to read how you have come to appreciate yourself Joseph for the beautiful man you know you are, and are no longer hiding him from yourself or the rest of the world.
A beautiful blog and a beautiful experience of coming out of hiding; something we can all relate to – whether the hiding or the coming out from it. The analogy is very relatable. I love the inspiration to be present and not run and hide- because ultimately we can be present with life and ourselves. ‘Seeing I have a choice to stay present no matter what occurs has been incredibly powerful.’ It has simply been my belief and behaviour pattern to run from life or myself.
A gorgeous analogy Joseph. ‘Making room in the world for me’ is the process of us claiming our space in the world and through this, developing a relationship with space and all that is communicated to us through it and the people we share it with. Now who would want to hide from that?
It is great to realise there are actually no real past hurts, as when we don’t deal with our hurts we take them with us and we keep reacting to situations in life the same as we did when we got hurt the first time. The beautiful thing about this is that we can therefore also heal our hurts at any moment in our life and we don’t have to go back to that moment in our past with spiritual new age techniques.
In life we get really good at managing how to stop/manage situations that we dislike. This is good but not enough. Learning how to generate situations we do like and benefit from is the real challenge.
When we allow ourselves to feel what’s really going on with ourselves and others, and express from this honesty, we form deeper and more meaningful connections with others. Honesty opens us up and allows us to be ‘real’.
When we come out of ‘hiding’, we find the world is not as bad as we had painted it. In the hiding everything is dark, small and constricted, but once we step into the light, and open up, those old shackles just drop away as we begin to trust ourselves and all we are feeling – and then sharing ourselves more with others, life becomes so much more simpler and lots more fun!
“I have discovered that when I let myself really feel what’s going on, with me and other people, I have the opportunity to make an informed choice, to take responsibility. If I choose to leave I can do it knowingly – not from fear or a perceived hurt. In short, I no longer have to run away from life, or run away from me” – I really like this. We all have different ways to avoid hurt and protect ourselves and we cultivate our own version of managing life, but the comfort the protection offered is actually not very comfortable at all.
I just loved reading this article today. I had been talking earlier with friends about how we can isolate ourselves, how we can retreat from the world when the going gets tough and build a wall of protection around ourselves. Sometimes work itself can be a fortress so that we do not have to feel the intricacies of our intimate or would be intimate relationships. By doing this we are delaying our potential for freedom and joy. Allowing ourselves to feel what is going on we begin to make space for things to unfold and we begin to become responsive and responsible.
‘This ‘beautiful isolation’ has not been beautiful at all. There has always been a deep sense of loneliness, of feeling ugly, and that I was unacceptable’. I lived with this too, which was simply a way of keeping myself small and unseen. Now I love being around people and I love sharing myself, with the turnaround being, that I have so much love to share – and I am no longer afraid to shine!
I love this blog as I so relate – my safe haven for 14 years was my little tiny flat living alone not able to let others in. I left that tiny flat 2 years ago, and ever since my world has expanded with more and more to come. And just like you Joseph, I am now making room in the world for me!
It’s such a delight to read this again Joseph, thank you, and such a cute line here “Here were all these people, and yet I felt so safe and warm!” I had to laugh because that describes what happened to me also. I went from hiding away to loving being with people and completely surprised not just myself but those around me. Once the hurts begin to clear the true essence of who we are emerges, as does the natural expression of that, which can be very different to how we have lived.
I too love being with people! But I’ve spent years hiding and when I get stressed I feel like hiding. So I love your comment ‘Seeing I have a choice to stay present no matter what occurs has been incredibly powerful’ and I can very much relate, learning that there isn’t a force out there that can pummel me to the floor unless I start to disconnect from myself and my presence. Learning to stand firm, not hard as I used to, but steady
So true Karin, I noticed this line as well because it highlights how our connection is central to life, not necessarily what happens. It’s a learning process to stay connected and with all that occurs day to day.
It’s amazing to feel how much more of our selves we can naturally be when we live with love and care, through making time to develop a loving and honouring relationship with our selves. And what’s more, is that our body relishes this quality moving us.
Thank you Joseph, it was great to read of your unfoldment and how you are bringing more understanding to people and how they behave rather than withdrawing and being scared of how they are reacting from their own hurt.
It can feel so personal when people react, but your words are very true here on understanding how reactions come from people based on their own hurts.
‘..it’s people: I love being with people. All people, all sizes, shapes and kinds. Yes, it can be challenging at times, but it’s why I feel I am here. To share and joke and laugh and hug. To question and contemplate.’ Beautiful Joseph, amazing how life changes when we choose to no longer hide and understand that life is about people and how we love them, sometimes I do go back to my room but always I will come out to discover there is even more love than ever before to share with all.
Allowing ourselves to be more loving, more understanding of others and more open by being willing to equally give and receive love from others is what true evolution is all about. Thankyou !
Beautiful contribution – we hide in a small room, squeeze ourselves into a box, cram our style, shrink into the ground … whatever we think it takes in order to survive in the world while trying to hide from it. But it doesn’t work.
So beautiful what you have shared so honestly Joseph, I remember doing a workshop with you sometime ago, I can now feel how much you are bringing your gorgeous loving self out into the world to share and for us to be blessed by your presence.
Re-connecting to the true beauty in others once again is deeply confirming for everyone. We have a responsibility to be ourselves in the world and not hide away or react to what we don’t like.
Absolutely gorgeous blog Joseph, your love for people is deeply felt and I can relate to everything you’ve shared. I am staying in a house where there is a lot of shouting, frustration and anger. As a child, I was very afraid and now I am learning to understand, express what I feel without fear or judgement. It is very challenging at times but what I have noticed is by not being fearful, I am more able to be myself and be supportive to others.
Thanks Chan for your comment, I hadn’t realised until I read your words of how many changes I have also made now that means I can stay with myself and express openly on how things feel when abuse is present. By seeing I can do this in one relationship I realise I can now in others. It’s a beautiful feeling being able to hold oneself and stay connected regardless of what’s happening. It’s take time and a lot of tenderness to get there because many instances of fear can stem from childhood. Lovingly supporting ourselves is essential.
‘Yes, people get angry and frustrated, but now I see that is not something to be scared of, but to understand.’ Being with anger can feel threatening and ugly, we want it to stop and/or we want to run away from it. Standing our ground, staying centred and understanding what is going on keeps us free from absorbing this harmful energy.
Beautiful realisation that by shutting yourself away from the world you were shutting yourself away from you. Welcome back.
That is so true Mary and we end up feeling very lonely, hurt and miss out on a lot of things in life. When we shut ourselves out, we shut everyone out and this is not a fun place to be.
It’s an important distinction Mary, because we can even withdraw further from ourselves by physically withdrawing. The effects of this can falsely confirm and magnify the harm of the situation we withdrew from, which can make us even more scared of life, and we can miss seeing that it’s actually our disconnection to our true self that is really hurting us.
This is gorgeous Joseph, I love the part where you shared about how we tend to say ‘harden up’ to deal with life. The truth is really the complete opposite; we need to become tender in order to deal with life.
yes this is really beautiful – that we can be with life when we are tender.
Joseph I love this line “At last, I am making room in the world for me”. This speaks volumes in itself and one I truly understand in my life. It is so easy to withdraw through past hurts and miss out on the opportunity to be with people, realizing how much I also love being around people. All we have to do is BE our real selves.
Thank you Jospeh, your writing is delightful to read, warm honest and heartfelt – a book by you would be great! I felt an incredible healing from your shared expression, my room has been a place of safety for me as well for similar reasons, not knowing how to deal with all I am feeling and the roughness of the world. Like yourself I hid away for a period only to discover how much I love being with people, this came after studying with Universal Medicine and working with their modalities. I still have a way to go, and although I don’t have your height this heart is way too big to be cramped inside a room! You feeling like you were hugging your past self was a beautiful moment. Thankyou Joseph.
Great realisation Joseph there are many ways we hide ourselves from the world, Universal Medicine has opened up many opportunities for us to look at ourselves and peel back the layers of our learnt patterns and enabled us to open up to the world equally without the need to hide, knowing that being our true selves is all we need to be.
The safety zone is not necessarily a physical place but a go to movement or pattern that brings relief to us. The safety zone is the total opposite of an evolutionary one.
Hi Eduardo, could we say that our safety zone is actually our self chosen imprisonment?
Hi Nico, absolutely
I love people too. The world expands when I am with me – there is so much more space all around me.
Beautiful Joseph. It’s ironic we are presented something, and it maybe over and over again until we understand it, and we run away from it. You are, and have beautifully expressed how this is normal (for now) however, we are well equipped to know what to do because why would it be presented to us?
My answer to this is to remain focused and initiate the love I know and feel how I want this situation I am being presented with TO BE.
Beautifully shared Joseph, making room for you in the world, and showing us the beautifully tender, fun loving man that you naturally are. I have lived in hiding most of my life, feeling I, being me, had nothing of any value to contribute, but that is slowly changing as I connect more to my inner love I connect more to people, just the other day coming home from the shops I felt a joy in my body and a realisation that I just love people.
Through what you have shared Joseph it is clear to see how enriched our lives become through connection, to ourselves first and being open to connect with others. There is always much to explore, learn, be inspired by, and there is nothing else in the world that can compare to the feeling of confirming who we are, through our ever-deepening relationship with love and evolution.
Since writing this blog a long time ago, I’ve felt inspired to write again and highlight how this withdrawal and escape is so much wider than we think. Whether through music, sport, social media, nights out, alcohol – it’s like there is no limit to the ways we know to check out. But very few people are asking why we would ever want to do that. For it feels like the answer lives in our sensitivity – and this is something I am only starting now to accept as a beautiful and important aspect of me today.
I have spent my whole life running yet going nowhere. The absurdity of this revealed by the truth that I was running from me, or more correctly running from the self-created version of me that ‘couldn’t cope with the world’ and my place in it. Slowly, slowly, just like you Joseph, I have learnt to ‘stick my neck out’ from the hardened shell I have been dwelling in and much to this turtle’s surprise, have realised that the world is not a dark, cold horrible place full of mean people but rather the world is full of warmth, love and people that I only need to truly connect to in order to feel my true place within it and the deep love that burns within and thus unifies us all.
This is a beautiful everyday example of how all our actions are felt by everyone all of the time. The quality of movement (e.g. deep tenderness) brought to the smallest or most mundane thing, can be life changing in that moment.
“But it was the way she tenderly folded my jumper one day and placed it on my bed that touched me in a way I can’t explain”.
People are always the ones that bring up issues for us. Think about it, if we were the only ones on the planet then those issues we have with others simply would not be triggered. In truth these issues are never the others fault, simply a reflection of an aspect of ourselves we do not love and tenderly care for.
We all need much more tenderness in life. I was recently with someone and observed that they weren’t how they normally are and just asked how they were going. This allowed them to express and let it out and be tender without thinking they needed to bury it or pretend everything was okay. At times we just need to be more tender with ourselves and each other.
“At last, I am making room in the world for me.” – Beautiful and thank you Joseph, we have been missing you all this time! And so it is for so many of us as we hide away and the world misses out on so much. Time for us all to make room in the world for us all!
People are our greatest resources in life, so it makes sense to be open and let others in and deeply appreciate their reflection as absolutely every single person offers their own unique values that we can enrich our lives from.
It’s so lovely to feel the openness and light playfullness in your blog and I love how you are making room for yourself. I feel I am on a similar journey one that is asking me to accept more and more of me unreservedly and having me see how much there is to appreciate.
When we hide ourselves away in some sort of a solitary confinement to protect ourselves we actually miss out on the best thing about life, our connection with others – for it is our quality of relationships with others that brings our lives alive. Great blog Joseph.
‘At last, I am making room in the world for me’. Allowing a space for you to be you in this world is a blessing for us all Joseph and something that we all need to do in our own unique way with our own unique qualities.
It’s funny how we think that our solitary refuges are the answer, when really it is people that will nourish us the most
It’s actually a beautiful moment when we realise that we love people, rather than thinking that we needed to protect ourselves from people. It can be understandable at times why we would think that attempting to isolate ourselves is a good idea. But it does nothing to support our understanding of people and the world around us. When we isolate ourselves we leave ourselves to the mercy of the many thoughts that enter that are simply not true. I know for myself purposefully connecting with people supports me in seeing that those thoughts are not true and often confirms my love of people.
I know what it is like to feel fearful of talking to someone because of the possible ugly come back. The more I deepen the care and love I have for myself and allow myself to consciously be present in my body so that I can feel from the inside out, the more steady I feel. The more care I take in understanding what this other person is letting into their lives and why, the more equalness and compassion I feel. We are both human and have our own things to go through and our own reactive behaviours to free ourselves from in the time we choose. Hiding from this person serves no one and only makes it more difficult down the line when the suppressed feelings emerge again.
Beautiful blog Joseph. I can very much relate to wanting to hide when things are a bit challenging, especially when I witness people arguing and fighting. Learning to stay steady and detached from situations makes is so much easier to see things with clarity and love. I too realise how much I love people, I love being around lots of people and love one on one interactions.
“Yes, people get angry and frustrated, but now I see that is not something to be scared of, but to understand.” This is beautiful Joseph, and a very timely reminder for me as there are plenty of people kicking off all around me at the moment. It’s easy to forget understanding when this is going on, but I find that when I stay with it, I can see that the emotions being vented are not who that person is, just an energy they are choosing to run with. This helps me to see through the storm and into the heart of them where all there is is pure love – the same as me.
It’s amazing how we learn to shrink to fit in order to manage through life and its consequences. That was my choice too, and knowing that I have a choice to live otherwise is very healing and empowering.
Often, we don’t realise how the most basic tasks done in a loving/caring quality can change peoples lives! We never know who is watching or who needs a reflection from what our body can offer by the way movements.
So true Rachael. How many people would realise that the way they were folding a jumper would have a life-changing effect on another? This is such an amazing example of the power of inspiration.
That is so true Rachael. I am appreciating how important it is to reflect all that we are as much as possible, to never moderate our love no matter who we are with, but to simply reflect love and truth consistently as this is our true responsibility.
Joseph not just your height is too big for that dark small room 🙂 I know that so called ‘safe room’ and thankfully over the years I have felt how cramped it is being in there and how much I needed to crouch down and remain small that I’ve chosen to slowly stand out and go out and open up and meet others. I also love people, and just today I saw that reflected in my new dog, as he is so open and warm to all dogs and people he meets, and this wasn’t the case in the past with other dogs. How we are can be reflected to us in so many ways.
It seems to me that so many of us are running away from something, whether it be small or large, but what we don’t realise is that what we think we are leaving behind is coming with us and will present itself again and again until we choose to stop, turn around and face it; and what we will probably learn by doing so, is that much of the time the issue doesn’t feel as huge as we thought it was in the first place. Maybe if we all stopped running, we would come to see that there is actually plenty of “room in the world” for all of us.
I can relate to your sharing and I can feel when I am not being loving with myself, then that is when I don’t want to be around others and use my home as a security. When I want to be around others it is often when I have been enjoying me and loving and looking after myself.
I grew up with the distinct feeling that there was a place in the world for me, but I just didn’t know where it was so spent a lot of time trying to find it. Each time a thought I had found a place where I could belong, I still didn’t feel like I fitted, always on the outer looking in, envious of those who looked they knew they belonged there. On the other hand the moment I sat down in my first workshop presented by Serge Benhayon I knew that I had finally found my place in the world and that I was returning to it after a very long absence.
A deeply touching and super honest blog Joseph. “At last, I am making room in the world for me.” And how much richer the world is now.
Thanks Joseph its funny how we can deprive ourselves of what we truly need or belong to which is the intimacy of our selves and others as a natural way to live. How many of us isolate ourselves for so many different reasons and hurts , like not feeling good enough or judgement etc .It is really going against the true nature of god and brotherhood on earth .
“And I realised… it’s people: I love being with people. All people, all sizes, shapes and kinds. Yes, it can be challenging at times, but it’s why I feel I am here.” Letting people in more is making a big difference in my life – not just close friends but also folk I meet at the check-out etc. Allowing myself to be vulnerable has a knock-on effect. People then open up to me too. it’s not just about making a better life for myself now either, but working towards brotherhood on earth.
You being deeply touched by your friend tenderly folding your jumper is testament to the fact that we can inspire people with the smallest thing that we do… and the knock on affect as you have witnessed, can be incredible… for you not only move to heal your own life but then move (and write) in a way that inspires others… and so on and so on. Gorgeous.
Haha loved your last line. Really enjoyed reading this, how we can shut down from life and start to live in our own bubble away from that which we actually want- that is people and enjoying life with people.
Great point Joseph, to give ourselves the space to be is worth a lot and something we often do not claim.
People are everything, people are absolutely why we are here – you are spot on that it can be challenging, can be rude, dismissive and hurtful, but nothing in this world is worth withdrawing and stopping our connections with others.
What a truly beautiful and touching story. It’s easy to feel the warm, sweet, and tender man expressing the words. I appreciate so much this exploration of safety zones, I have also kept myself from the world, yet what I need most is people, that is when I ignite, glow, feel content and often most safe. Yet a few experiences of explosive anger or feeling unsafe around people have tainted the very thing I also needed most, which was simply to be around others. This has been very healing to read and very supportive Joseph.
I love your blog Joseph, I can very much relate to everything you’ve shared. ‘I have come to recognise that the monster I have been running away from all these years actually does not exist.’ It so amazing to realise this Joseph and making room in the world for you is deeply inspiring. We often run away from life because we have allowed these thoughts and fears control us, once we no longer give them power to control our life they vanish in a split second into thin air. Just like you shared, they didn’t exist in the first place.
Watching someone move can literally inspire you to change your life. I remember how much my partner (now husband) inspired me with how tenderly he would use his hands and fingers – it blew me away.
“I have come to recognise that the monster I have been running away from all these years actually does not exist. All I am running away from is life itself.” Great observation Joseph, we create our own monsters and then try to run away from our own creations. This is a very tender sharing of a love of people.
Thank you Dianne, love is definitely infectious as it spreads it’s joy around and this absolutely happens when “we become fully loving”.
For more about Serge Benhayon go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=SERGE+BENHAYON
It’s wonderful when we make the choice to embrace humanity – the problem is not with everyone out there – it is about how we are feeling about ourselves and whether or not we are prepared to face our hurts and deal with them. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story Joseph.
As much as we try to deny it, the fact is we are all naturally drawn to each other. We may resist this natural pull but it only depletes our energy by doing so. So, why not just allow the natural flow of life bring us all together, why resist when it is more difficult than to surrender? I agree to embrace humanity indeed feels amazing Deborahmckay.
What a joyful story, Joseph. I am so pleased you decided to come out of hiding and grace the world with your presence and love.
Absolutely Joseph, I feel I now I am able to talk everyone equally.
Agreed, you are way too big for that or any small room! Thank God for Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
When we think we are hiding and avoiding all the spears life is throwing at us we aren’t really dodging or hiding from the attack but rather ignoring what is taking place. We may think that hiding in a room is the answer as we no longer have to feel the angry between our parents however that’s like saying that I’m not having any water I’m only sucking on ice cubes. Both lead to ingesting water but only one way is being honest about it.
What you express here about many of us being raised to ‘toughen up’ is so true Joseph – and this applies equally to men and women. We think that being hard and tough means we won’t get hurt, but in fact it’s the very opposite… And the more we harden up, the more we hurt ourselves and others because the hurt we are trying to avoid doesn’t actually go away just because we’ve chosen not to feel it… it simply gets buried along with more and more layers of hurt. I’ve found that it’s only by learning to open up to feeling more (including my hurts) and to take responsibility for, and in, my life, that there is less and less to be hurt from, replaced by more joy in letting people in!
” I no longer have to run away from life, or run away from me.” I was touched by the words Joseph, because this is something i have done all my life and feel that it is no longer needed. Experiencing how powerful and joyful it is when i take responsibility and stay!
What a huge expectation of a child to make someone else better or feel better – withdrawing doesn’t work but so often we don’t learn this until many years later.
Awesome blog Joseph, I loved it with the full knowing that there is room in the world for all of us no matter who we are or what we have done.
‘I have come to recognise that the monster I have been running away from all these years actually does not exist. All I am running away from is life itself’. You have not been alone in this Joseph for modern day society is today riddled with far too many people who are all hiding out in their own rooms because they are struggling with and don’t know how to let go of their hurts so they can fully commit to life and humanity as a whole. This needs to change for in living like this we are all missing out of the true vitality and joy that can be found living in our everyday.
It is beautiful Joseph once we recognize the depth of love and care we have for people and start expressing it.
“Yes, people get angry and frustrated, but now I see that is not something to be scared of, but to understand.” I agree Joseph. When we can apply understanding to any situation it changes everything – be it understanding ourselves more or others.
I love this Joseph such honest and delightful sharing. You shine so brightly now and bring so much joy. Thank you for reclaiming the love you are, the world shines brighter for it!
Joseph I love what you have shared, and I am sure many of us are able to relate to what you say. I too have done my share of finding solace in my room as a child, or after school in the local library, choosing to be near books for comfort. And now I find opening up to people is much more rewarding, although a little challenging at times, it feels so much more to express who I truly am.
Joseph, I can relate to ‘hiding in my room’ and not communicating with people. You have described quite a turn around in your life. What strikes me is that the difference is that you have opened yourself up to let others in rather than trying to play a role when you have been around others. It shows just how much people respond when we are open to them rather than us staying in our comfort zones but somehow still expecting a different, more satisfying result.
“….when I let myself really feel what’s going on, with me and other people, I have the opportunity to make an informed choice, to take responsibility.” When I read this sentence I am reminded that the choices I make in reaction can never be true. This is huge as I can see that each disconnected choice I make leads to complication and stress in the end. When I make a choice with full awareness it is far more likely to be loving and true. Thank you for sharing yourself and your story with us Joseph, it is inspiring to read about the way your relationships have changed as a result of your decision to claim your place in the world.
Beautifully said Leonne,
I am now feeling pretty fragile about being with myself, today I can feel the enormous abandonment from myself that I had lived for so long, longing for love actually longing for myself. Being in a position now where everything has changed; new home, new work, new neighbourhood and friends – I am left to feel what quality I have lived so far.. And I have to admit it was quite isolated. I guess feeling this now is OK and that I have to move on, not hanging in there with pain and sorrow, but to truly feel that I can choose love now. This empowering choice helps me to let go of these quite hurtfull feelings, so that I can move on now. Thank you Joseph for your sharing, it is indeed about letting people in – this is life.
“If I choose to leave I can do it knowingly – not from fear or a perceived hurt. In short, I no longer have to run away from life, or run away from me.” Coming back to your blog I responded to this line. If I but claim my truth, I know when and if to leave or to stay. I can react to the outside world or read the energy and let my heart be the director of my choices.
Thank you Joseph. I agree with you, there is no monster nor are people anything to be afraid of. We have just got so used to living behind a protective armour that we are having a hard time living without it and seeing the people behind the armour. The more we connect to the people behind and not getting offended by the armour the easier it is to realise that we do not need this kind of protection and can take it off piece by piece until each of us stands in their full glory.
Awesome, honest blog Joseph I really liked it
It is beautiful that you have joined the world Joseph. It feels richer with you in it. This week I have been challenged to feel some awful energy and it has been worth it, to realise that this is just energy and the people are still love somewhere in there. We are all in the world together, it is beautiful to have so many inspiring lights like you.
I feel that hundreds and thousands of people are living in that same dark room that you’re talking about, Joseph. Without being aware, that we are all in this dark room together and that we can come out of this shadow together.
So true felixshumacher8, when we shine the light of truth and love on the darkness of our hurts this supports us to let go of and heal them. Thus this light can clear all that shadows us and what’s more when we support and nourish each other through this process it is even easier.
‘At last, I am making room in the world for me’ and if you can do it Joseph, so can I. Great blog thank you!
I am sure I can fit as well, and actually the more I enjoy being a Student of The Livingness , the more I love being with people.
For more on love go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/voice/whats-on-in-the-world/when-you-say-i-love-you-does-it-come-with-love.html
Joseph this is a beautiful sharing that I am sure many could relate to. For me the hiding in my room literally, and not sharing myself happened many years ago, with the words “children should be seen and not heard” Unfortunately I found it hard to share myself and my thoughts and opinions until I reached my 60s. I did share but only exclusively with those I trusted. The world is not really as scary as I thought and life is so beautiful when you are in it!
Beautiful Joseph thank you for sharing your story, I could relate deeply to it, having spent a lot of my life hiding away from people and isolating myself.
The more I connect to my body and myself the more expansive and less afraid I feel of people.
It is really beautiful that through Universal Medicine and your developing understanding of life and the deepening in your connection to yourself, you have been able to not only bring that part of you out of hiding to share in the warmth and safety you have discovered, but can now truly feel and fully embrace the tender and sensitive man you are without any need to run.
It’s very lovely to read your story, Joseph. I especially like the sentence ‘Yes, people get angry and frustrated, but now I see that is not something to be scared of, but to understand.’ – I’m really getting this at the moment, that I don’t need to get upset or react when people act like this, which they inevitable do, there is no need to take it personally and bringing understanding makes this easy.
This is beautiful Joseph, so well expressed and with great honesty. You show the greatness of understanding and therein the passage of love this forms for us. Awesome.
Joseph I can relate to not being able to comfortably hide in my little room any more too. People are what it is all about, and the heaviness and loneliness I feel when I hide is unbearable. Thank goodness I now deeply know with every cell of my body that I have a choice, and that by simply sharing what I feel the spell of the self-doubt, self-judgement or self-loathing I was in is immediately broken.
I just love the title of your blog Joseph – it made me smile – but it also reminded me of the numerous times I have run away and hidden: this quite a sad memory, but one that needs to be exposed, as the simple fact is, that most of the running away I had done was from me. I didn’t think that I had a place in this world; I didn’t know where I belonged.
Then 10 years ago, at my first Universal Medicine workshop, I was presented with the possibility that yes, I did belong, I was meant to be here and yes, there is more than enough room in the world for me. Running away has now been replaced with the choice to stay with me, no matter what the situation I am faced with, and I have come to understand that if I choose to face whatever is in front of me with an open heart, anything I previously thought was impossible, is now possible.
I love the title of this blog because I feel I am finally claiming my place in the world – no more hiding from myself and the world but recognising that I am worth making room for. Thank you for sharing Joseph it is beautiful to feel how you have unfolded your tenderness as you re-connected to life and other people. It is simple but deeply profound and the world is blessed to have you out of hiding and being you in all your glorious fullness.
This is so lovely Joseph as I too can relate to having built a fortress of isolation for myself and it has come from my own fear of being hurt by others. I know deep within me that I love people, I love to laugh and connect with others, but I too find that I can hold myself away because of these ideals and beliefs, that to truly open up will expose me in some way to hurt. What I am beginning to see though is the more I open up to others, sharing my vulnerabilities and showing the true me, the connections with other people open up. I find the more I take the time to treat myself lovingly in caring and nurturing ways , the less I feel to hide in this fortress and the more I choose to live and be the true me.
This is beautiful Jade Jamieson. The more we open up and let ourselves be seen without a mask with our tenderness and preciousness the more beautiful the connection becomes with others.
Your sharing Joseph is absolutely beautiful. I can feel the gentleness and Love you share with yourself and others and my heart is opened too. Thank you.
I love the final statement.
“At last, I am making room in the world for me.”
This is the antidote, isn’t it? Creating the space around you again when previously, through not knowing another way to deal with trauma, pain or hurt, you pull yourself in tight so there is no space around you. The space allows you to breathe, to feel you again and to not keep everything locked inside. There are too many conversations that don’t happen and feelings that stay suppressed.
Thanks for sharing so honestly and intimately.
This is so true ”I love being with people. Yes, it can be challenging at times, but it’s why I feel I am here.” The more I learn to love, appreciate and connect with me and to learn to have understanding for others, the more I enjoy being with people.
Sometimes I find when I am challenged by someone they are reflecting something important for me to learn and grow from.
Joseph, thank you for sharing. After living very withdrawn and being often at home on my own I also realized when I started stepping more into the world and let people in that I; “I love being with people” and that it is so very natural and joyful to be with people.
Protecting ourselves and seeking cover seems to be a common trait when we think we can’t deal with the world but in the end, it always is a fact that we actually love people.
Wonderful to read that you are coming out of your small dark room and feel more able to open up and let people in. Very inspiring.
Yes, Joseph, I know the feeling. I grow up being scared of my father first as he was most of the time drunk and violent. When my parents divorced I was left with my mother. She was very strict and protective because of that controlling. I was afraid to disappoint her by obeying and giving my power away.
The fear of my father (who passed away many years ago) had lead me to rejecting men and run away from relationships to prevent the possible hurt. I wasn’t aware that by doing that I shut myself down and build a huge “wall” between myself and humanity.
In order to please my mother I went to university of her choice, lived life which she might approve, made choices for her to feel good about me. (Even writing about it is painful.)
It didn’t serve well to either of us.
After attending Universal Medicine presentations I started making changes. I accepted my mother, her love and it made dramatic change to our relationship. We are both grown up women responsible for our own choices. When I am with her we share the warmth and lovely space, there is no blame or bitterness of the past.
“The wall” between me and humanity is going down. Even though I have some “fences”reserved (just in case!) which I need to burn.
Beautiful, by making room for us in the world we are making room for everybody as we meet in equalness. I love how you created space.
Beautiful, Joseph. Letting people/the world in, has not always been easy for me and I used to feel there must be something fundamentally wrong with me to be that way and I felt very alone in the world. What Serge Banheyon presents hugely helped me to come to a realisation that in fact I loved people/the world so much it hurt me to see them not being the love I knew they were to be, and it was not that I lacked or they lacked anything, we were equally love and equally on our way to return to who we were, and the fact that we ARE proves that we are all essential part of a big, big picture equally so. So, connecting with people, embracing the world is something I have been learning to commit to ever since.
And just reading all these comments are super healing. Thank you, Joseph, for expressing this.
Thanks Joseph for your honest blog. I too run away in such a safety zone because a family member was like your father – loud, angry and aggressive so I can very much relate to this decision. I am in this safety zone immediately if there is a specific kind of aggression in the air. In the beginning this happened without realizing to be in this safety zone but now I am more aware and so I can chose to stay. For me there is still work in progress but I know now it is worth it to stay and to get my power back to be me.
Great sharing Joseph Barker – thank you.
I too have learned to be gentle and caring towards myself and anything and everything. So for me folding a jumper with the utmost love and care is now normal and of course this has inspired many many people that I have come into contact with over the years.
I learnt this and loads more from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
I also agree with you about people – that we are here to move forward towards others and not hold ourselves back in protection or safety of some kind.
When I feel even a tiny bit isolated, which is rare now, I know exactly who to contact and going out there “in the field’ as I call it, is what I do best.
Great Blog Joseph, and I so recognize what you are sharing, I do love to be with people, but am still quite often in my room hiding to feel comfortable (in a way that is not so comfortable), but as you share it is not also easy to feel how people are with each other, you inspired me to observe what happens and don’t get shied away by this.
Thank you Joseph. I particularly love the last line in your blog which sounds like you saying that I am worth taking up space on this Earth. When we hide away, we are making ourselves smaller everyday to the point where this withdrawn, no good with people person we believe we are, is not true of us at all. I’m so glad you’ve come out of your room!
Awesome it is Joseph that the world gets to feel you in it, all 6’3″ of you! The way you express feels to me as snuggly cosy warmth – words that actually hug! Thank you.
The world needs more tender, loving men in it to show the way, so thank-you for this beautiful blog Joseph, and your choice to re-join us all and bless us with your gorgeous, delightful presence. A gift indeed.
Gosh how beautiful and touching.. It makes me cry feeling into your words because they simply express what I couldn’t so for for my own life. And the simplicity of just being here to be, talk, hug, contemplate, love, understand and spread out my joy.. connecting with people – no matter who it is… That is something I never allowed myself to claim – in my understanding this was never enough… Thank you tenderly for your lovingly claiming of yourself and the openness to share it. With Love
Coming back to this blog once again I find another golden nugget. What stood out this time was that life and people and myself need not be avoided but actually that is the greatest way to heal – to just be open and be love. Our emotions are not who we are, avoiding the person behind the emotions it’s like saying “I’ll never go outside because it might rain” – we miss out on the grander world around us that only sometimes rains. Thank you Joseph.
I really enjoyed reading this Joseph as I can relate to what you have written. When I look back to how I was with people and had convinced myself that I didn’t like people, it turns out it’s the total opposite – I love being with people and everyday I am learning that yes, they may get angry and frustrated, but I do not have to be scared of these outbursts of emotion. There is so much in this blog that I am sure I will re-visit – thank you for sharing.
Its funny how the little things that people do can make us take notice and leave an impression, like the way your friend folded your jumper and placed it on the bed. Thanks for sharing your story Joseph, its lovely you have come out of your room to take your rightful place in the world.
Joseph, this was such a beautiful sharing, and I can relate. Even recently I have noticed an actual physical sensation of shrinking into myself in situations where I have felt nervous/insecure.
I have also noticed this but am now aware that I can choose to re-connect and not hide inside myself which is such a lonely place when I cut myself off from the love of God and other people.
How beautiful Joseph, to make room for yourself in the world. Whether we are 6 foot 3 or 3 foot 6, it is beautiful to realise that the world has all the room for our amazingness, when we have made that choice to be here, in fact, the world is always missing something when we choose not to be here fully, but it gets more and more beautiful when we do.
Thank you Joseph, this is a beautiful post and your re-claiming of you and your tenderness is inspiring. I can relate to being open to people but only letting them see the bits of me that I want them to see. And I have also discovered that when I do completely open up and let people in I actually feel a deeper connection is made, with more love and appreciation shared.
Yes I truly love people. As I grow in understanding so too does my love for them. It is a joy to be with people.
And how blessed we all are that you are here making room for yourself.
I can very much relate to what you have written here Joseph. I hadn’t realised how/why I have been hiding nor acknowledged how scared I was as a child.
Joseph I have come to realise that everyone loves people and being with people as you say, it is actually our natural way. In my experience when we allow this into our lives more we actually allow ourselves to be more truly who we are and offer the same grace to others.
Reading this again I can really feel how our lives can be enriched by our relationships with others if we allow it. We so often retreat when the thing we really need is the reflection of others. I find that it is often the people I find challenging to deal with that can offer me the greatest lessons and insights.
Maybe this is precisely why I avoid them? Thank you for sharing here Joseph – it is clear that the people in your life are now blessed by the time you took to share with them and it is wonderful to read how you have begun to heal the difficult relationship you had with your dad.
As I read this I could feel how I often try to avoid the ‘challenging’ parts of relationships such as expressing what I feel when things are not feeling right, however, lately I am learning that simply expressing what I feel from a place of love and without reaction is the only thing that allows me to truly feel safe and connect to others. I can run but I cannot hide and as uncomfortable as it can be sometimes I no longer want to.
Hi Joseph, I can relate to what you are saying here. The first time I walked into a Universal Medicine Event was terrible even though I went with my daughter and knew a couple of her friends. It was the first time in about thirty years since I had been so close to so many people crowed into Ewingsdale Hall. I managed to last the day but I didn’t go back for six months. After observing the changes in my daughter I went again and felt the love in the room and have been going ever since. It’s beautiful to walk in to an event these days.
Thank you for sharing the tenderness that you are Joseph.
I was just re-appreciating from your blog – the feeling of making room in the world to just be. I remembered a time when I felt (super) squashed by the world – and found cities and suburbs intense – and instead chose the escapist seclusion of rural life. How much that has changed, now my space is with me wherever I am, I am not swept up or away in the goings on around me, and don’t feel at all squashed anymore – I make room in the world. Great to have the chance to feel how far this has come by looking back at what was – thanks for the reminder Joseph.
Joseph I can feel your warmth and beautiful essence in this blog.
‘It’s like I am finally returning to my younger self in that room and giving him a big hug.’ Reconnecting with our true self and all that we are, is extremely healing.
Thank you. 🙂
Thank you for sharing Joseph, I love how you say you are making a place in the world for you. I can very much relate to this and am feeling the same that I am making room for me in this world and that feels awesome.
Having a safe zone where to hide. Sounds familiar. Relating to the world from there. Sounds familiar too. I realised that for me my safe zone was not just physical as it moved with me: my safe zone was to bring all my knowledge on board and to relate to the world from there. My life was a buffered one. Learning to feel safe outside and not buffering any longer was quite a learning. Much remains to be learned there, but huge changes that have already happened. I share myself much more with the world now.
What a beautiful warm and super tender sharing. “I love being with people. All people, all sizes, shapes and kinds. Yes, it can be challenging at times, but it’s why I feel I am here. To share and joke and laugh and hug. To question and contemplate. Yes, people get angry and frustrated, but now I see that is not something to be scared of, but to understand.” – this I love – the openess and respect in everyone being where they are at and truly loving everyone anyway for who we really are. This blog is like a warm open embrace that reminds us how big we really are. A reassuring calling up. Superb.
This blog feels like a big warm hug, thankyou Joseph for your touching story. I realised as I read that when we shut ourselves away we shut ourselves off from knowing ourselves, as being with people brings out so much of us, depths we haven’t even realised yet.