My Relationship with Work: Choosing to be All of Me

by Janina Koch, Cologne, Germany (English second language)

Coming back from having an amazing time in England with Serge Benhayon, his family and many esoteric students, I feel it’s time to write about my relationship with work, and about the beliefs I held onto for a very long time – which have stopped me from joyfully living and working.

I started working in my first real great paid job when I was 30, as I studied for quite a long time Sociology. I worked in an office as a human resource administrator looking after some of the employees.

The job was interesting, my colleagues friendly, really nothing to complain about, being paid really a lot. But somehow I felt I just played a role in a movie I didn’t really want to be in. I always had resistance to work; I saw it as a duty, something that took away time from me so that in the end of a working day I felt to not have time left for me. Really, I believed that only when I was not at work I could be me, with me, and doing what I really wanted to do, not having to function in a certain way. I worked one year in this job, then I got chronic shoulder pain which led to problems, and in the end, my contract wasn’t renewed and I was very glad about it. But I also had problems with my boss because of being sick for a few months, and that was also the start of a series of repeating patterns. It was the start of me causing complications/problems which always led to getting the sack or choosing to leave from many other jobs which followed.

I thought that because people were busy, and working all the time, that it was the reason that they weren’t joyful: I blamed the ‘doing’ and the ‘being busy’. But this was not true; this is what I realize now.

When I didn’t work, or only worked a little, I wasn’t joyful to be with me – I didn’t feel content within myself. I blamed work for this. But I have since learnt that it is the choice to be loving with myself, allowing myself to be me and in connection with my body, which makes all the difference. I am learning “to be me” also when I do things – not to go into function mode and to switch off my feelings, believing that’s the only way to do things.

I realise that I am responsible for everything which is happening in my life!

Before this, I loved to blame anything and anyone, big time.

Now I know that if things don’t work – I am responsible for it. As I really didn’t want to work, for a long time I tried to have an easy time at work as much as I could – which led to problems too (of course). Even if things were running fine I found other things to complicate the situation…(really creative).

Now, as I have discovered more of my loving, tender essence, I have experienced that it is possible to go to work connected to me, and in knowing I can be there and not lose me in this I have a new commitment to being at work!  But this is still very new… and even if people are behaving in a non-loving way I can accept it and to let them be and not react. And yes, it is possible to be joyfully working – if I allow myself to be joyfully me.

Since coming back from England, where I attended Universal Medicine presentations, I feel full of me: I feel that it’s great to bring my joyful way to work and light up my workplace. And I have realised that it is not my work which stops me from shining, but the way I am with myself and how I still choose unloving ways to stop me from being amazing. I realize more and more what depths of beauty I am – we all are – and just need to let it out. It is actually simple.

For me to feel great, it is very important to eat in a very loving way and to choose carefully what to eat – as one of my ways of not dealing with what is going on is to eat foods that make me feel dull. I am learning that also the way I eat is as important as what I choose to eat! And I have realised that yes, I can deal with the things which are going on in my life.

Since making changes within myself, I am more willing to work. And the more work I get offered, I don’t even have to look for it.  Since last year I work for a family doing the household tasks and looking after a 20 month old girl – which is a challenge, like juggling several things at the same time.

Recently I have developed a really tender, loving way with her which is amazing. She is much less moody with me, and it feels very easy to be with her.

The other day I went with her shopping. On the way, I started to play with some tones (singing), and I discovered a new tone I haven’t used before… something like ri ri ri – I had so much joy playing with these sounds it was really great, and the girl loved to join in and giggled along with me. What a joy to be/work with children. Through choosing to just be myself at work, I have realised how much fun it can be! And, that I actually love work, because I have begun to love me.

510 thoughts on “My Relationship with Work: Choosing to be All of Me

  1. Taking responsibility is living by true example, allowing others to be inspired if they so choose. This is very different to needing others to be a certain way before we are prepared to come out and play…

  2. It is our responsibility to be all of ourselves with every thing we do, as it is the quality that we live and the choices we make that are reflected back in every single way.

  3. Being ourselves is a movement towards the divine interconnectivity of the all and shows the level of responsibility we are prepared to choose and continue to move with life or against its natural flow.

  4. It is a true blessing to discover what is behind something that we consider part of how we are but that in truth not really is. Just a manifestation of choices we have made or not.

  5. Amazing how we can think work is the ‘issue’ when in fact it is only about our relationship with ourselves.

  6. ‘…I actually love work, because I have begun to love me.’This is gorgeous!
    I too have blamed the business of being too busy to be connected with me. I am slowly undoing this belief by being me at work – so letting go of the stress, of the fear of getting it all wrong, of approval etc. I’m feeling the space that’s always there, supporting us. I’m allowing myself to be supported and letting go of doing it all myself – there’s an energetic flow to the universe that knows exactly what to do and perhaps I can step aside and just let it do what it does without me interfering! This is my little experiment at present. Stepping out of the way and seeing the magic unfold.

  7. If I was honest I resented work, it interfered with my comfortable life. but once I made it about people it totally changed not only how I saw work but my whole life, so I can totally relate to your blog Janina and how you used to blame everyone for your issues instead of taking full responsibility for your life and the way you were living.

  8. So much changes when we begin to build a loving relationship with ourselves – what a powerful movement to make and reflect to others the joy and simplicity this brings.

  9. This is such an important topic because so many people worldwide don’t enjoy going to work, which affects productivity and increases absenteeism. So many people believe as you did that work time is not great so more “me time” is needed, but the “me time” is simply managing the lack of connection we have to ourselves. It can help us feel better within the lack of connection we have to ourselves but it’s still not it. Being connected to ourselves across all aspects of life, work or home life etc, is what brings the true joy and supports a sense of purpose. The potential for what Universal Medicine can offer employers and employees worldwide is massive.

  10. The thing I was taught about work was that it has to be a job that is recognised as a ‘good’ job or a ‘real’ job like a carpenter, teacher, engineer etc… and while we need these important and skilful things, there are so many things which are also of service and don’t come under the category of work. My ideals about work have begun to turn in their head once I realised the value of true service to another and not simply working to make ends meet, which is important to and necessary.

  11. It is so interesting how we can have these reoccurring patterns in our life that we sort of created and then start to repeat as a way of dealing with the intensity of life. You need to be quite honest to see it this way and not as something that happens to us.It is often that if we are not fully committed to work there can be a tendency to create issues at work in what ever way that gets us to not have to work. Then finding that being without work does not solves the discontentment in life and that it is indeed to do with the relationship we have with ourselves, if we don’t enjoy being with ourselves than it is more than logical that we don’t enjoy us in our job. It is through loving care for ourselves that we can built this joy with ourselves back into our lives.

  12. This is awesome Janina. It’s very powerful when we develop our relationship with our own quality and learn to move with it, as it doesn’t matter then whether we are at work or anywhere we bring that purpose and commitment to it and the result is always amazing!

  13. A really delightful read. ‘ I have realised that it is not my work which stops me from shining, but the way I am with myself and how I still choose unloving ways to stop me from being amazing. I realize more and more what depths of beauty I am – we all are – and just need to let it out.’ A great reminder for me today, thank you Janine.

  14. What a profound and accurate sharing of how to be you.. And not allow the other moods to take over. Being you , preciously so without the need to change or be anything new. But to understand that we have developed ways by day by day choices to take steps away from who we are.. And that it is now taking those steps back too and being you. For there is no greater fullfillment.

  15. I am very committed to work today although this wasn’t always the case…I can relate to work being a ‘taking up my time that could be better spent doing things I enjoy’, this has completely changed for me now and I would never go back to the way I used to be with work ever again…

  16. This is the gem that makes all the difference with the relationship we have with work… “to be loving with myself, allowing myself to be me and in connection with my body, which makes all the difference…” That it is the relationship we have with ourselves first and foremost is what we take to work, to our colleagues, to customers.

  17. Janina what you described feels very similar to how I viewed work so at the end of the day I was left exhausted and just hating my job.

    Since attending Universal Medicine workshops my whole perspective on work environment has changed, I love going to work no matter how busy the ward is as long as I know who I am when I take myself to work. It has a ripple affect to others around me.

    At the end of the day it all comes down to responsibility and what part we are willing to play in everything we do.

    Great reflection.

  18. It’s amazing to see the workplace as full of opportunity and learning, rather than burdens and tasks which inevitably it becomes about. I have found it a challenge at first but by connecting to a greater sense of purpose in the job I do, there is a more open attitude towards having fun at work and not waiting for the clock to stike home time.

  19. I think you nailed it with this line: “that I actually love work, because I have begun to love me”. If you love being who you are it doesn’t matter what you’re doing or where you’re doing it, it changes your whole approach to life because everything is enormously fun and feels amazing.

  20. Where I am working most of the staff I feel do not like their job because I hear them complain about each other, the management and the clients. I love my job and have a purpose to going each day, but I feel most of the staff do not feel the same. Also, because of me holding the purpose I can observe all that is going on and not get involved or affected by it. I see the merry-go round they are choosing. Having purpose is key to life and makes your job loads of fun.

  21. ‘Since making changes within myself, I am more willing to work.’ There is a prevalent attitude that work somehow sucks. Are we going to subscribe to this demeaning way of looking at life or are we going to allow enjoyment to enter even the workplace? I have found that by taking more care of myself I am enjoying me more and everything I do so there is less delineation between work and play and the areas in my jobs that I used to shrink from I am beginning to embrace.

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