My Relationship with Work: Choosing to be All of Me

by Janina Koch, Cologne, Germany (English second language)

Coming back from having an amazing time in England with Serge Benhayon, his family and many esoteric students, I feel it’s time to write about my relationship with work, and about the beliefs I held onto for a very long time – which have stopped me from joyfully living and working.

I started working in my first real great paid job when I was 30, as I studied for quite a long time Sociology. I worked in an office as a human resource administrator looking after some of the employees.

The job was interesting, my colleagues friendly, really nothing to complain about, being paid really a lot. But somehow I felt I just played a role in a movie I didn’t really want to be in. I always had resistance to work; I saw it as a duty, something that took away time from me so that in the end of a working day I felt to not have time left for me. Really, I believed that only when I was not at work I could be me, with me, and doing what I really wanted to do, not having to function in a certain way. I worked one year in this job, then I got chronic shoulder pain which led to problems, and in the end, my contract wasn’t renewed and I was very glad about it. But I also had problems with my boss because of being sick for a few months, and that was also the start of a series of repeating patterns. It was the start of me causing complications/problems which always led to getting the sack or choosing to leave from many other jobs which followed.

I thought that because people were busy, and working all the time, that it was the reason that they weren’t joyful: I blamed the ‘doing’ and the ‘being busy’. But this was not true; this is what I realize now.

When I didn’t work, or only worked a little, I wasn’t joyful to be with me – I didn’t feel content within myself. I blamed work for this. But I have since learnt that it is the choice to be loving with myself, allowing myself to be me and in connection with my body, which makes all the difference. I am learning “to be me” also when I do things – not to go into function mode and to switch off my feelings, believing that’s the only way to do things.

I realise that I am responsible for everything which is happening in my life!

Before this, I loved to blame anything and anyone, big time.

Now I know that if things don’t work – I am responsible for it. As I really didn’t want to work, for a long time I tried to have an easy time at work as much as I could – which led to problems too (of course). Even if things were running fine I found other things to complicate the situation…(really creative).

Now, as I have discovered more of my loving, tender essence, I have experienced that it is possible to go to work connected to me, and in knowing I can be there and not lose me in this I have a new commitment to being at work!  But this is still very new… and even if people are behaving in a non-loving way I can accept it and to let them be and not react. And yes, it is possible to be joyfully working – if I allow myself to be joyfully me.

Since coming back from England, where I attended Universal Medicine presentations, I feel full of me: I feel that it’s great to bring my joyful way to work and light up my workplace. And I have realised that it is not my work which stops me from shining, but the way I am with myself and how I still choose unloving ways to stop me from being amazing. I realize more and more what depths of beauty I am – we all are – and just need to let it out. It is actually simple.

For me to feel great, it is very important to eat in a very loving way and to choose carefully what to eat – as one of my ways of not dealing with what is going on is to eat foods that make me feel dull. I am learning that also the way I eat is as important as what I choose to eat! And I have realised that yes, I can deal with the things which are going on in my life.

Since making changes within myself, I am more willing to work. And the more work I get offered, I don’t even have to look for it.  Since last year I work for a family doing the household tasks and looking after a 20 month old girl – which is a challenge, like juggling several things at the same time.

Recently I have developed a really tender, loving way with her which is amazing. She is much less moody with me, and it feels very easy to be with her.

The other day I went with her shopping. On the way, I started to play with some tones (singing), and I discovered a new tone I haven’t used before… something like ri ri ri – I had so much joy playing with these sounds it was really great, and the girl loved to join in and giggled along with me. What a joy to be/work with children. Through choosing to just be myself at work, I have realised how much fun it can be! And, that I actually love work, because I have begun to love me.

561 thoughts on “My Relationship with Work: Choosing to be All of Me

  1. When we commit to work, or whatever it is we’re doing, in full, we actually feel more energised instead of drained. The drained feeling comes from that lagging procrastination, which makes us feel tired. Amazing to experiment with because what we’re capable of is so much more than we can imagine.

  2. We often go to work and bring all of our worries with us, the arguments at home, the financial insecurities and all the rest of it. As a society, we have forgotten the purpose of our work and that it is to serve the rest of our fellow citizens. Whether we are working as a receptionist, shop owner, CEO or cleaner – in our work place we are of service to the business and all people involved.

  3. Work is such a huge part of our lives. I spend more time with my work colleagues than my family! So it’s important to commit to work to ensure it is enjoyed. Without committing, it is hard to enjoy anything.

  4. Working is such a huge part of our lives as it represents what we ‘give back’ and contribute to our communities and beyond. I can relate to feeling more whole, more alive and more purpose since working.

  5. I love my job and it is great for me to see that I have never seen work as a duty and always enjoyed connecting with the people wherever I have worked but I can feel I can bring a much deeper quality and connection to what I do.

  6. “…and even if people are behaving in a non-loving way I can accept it and to let them be and not react…” This is a golden nugget. How often do we want people to behave in a certain way and if they don’t we react, judge, and become emotional. This does nothing for anyone and most certainly doesn’t lead to feeling joyful.

  7. I used to be not very committed to work, and life. NOW, work is my life I Love it. Everything I commit to do outside of work is to prepare myself to be all that I can be at work. I live to work, and love it so much that I do not have a break, most days I keep working. What is important while I work is to confirm the flow, the ease and joy in my relationships, how much I accomplish, my focus and how much fun I am and have. To consistently remain vital at work I appreciate the depth I offer in service to not only resolve their IT event but to inspire them to also feel joy while at work.

  8. When we love our self we love everyone and everything as we realise that we are love and we stop desperately looking for someone else to love us as we are complete already.

  9. Beautiful to read this again, this line stood out for me “it is not my work which stops me from shining, but the way I am with myself and how I still choose unloving ways to stop me from being amazing.” How true, it really highlights how our behaviours and daily choices either nurture or suppress our essence, and ability to shine and be all of ourselves.

  10. There is no difference between work and life it is all the same day we either bring all of ourselves or not to whatever we do and wherever we go.

  11. It would be a great thing if we were to check in with ourselves every few months or so to look at our relationship with work. Very rarely do we take a step back and appreciate what needs to be appreciated and also to address things that might be getting in the way of bringing our all to work.

  12. When we fall in love with ourselves and allow our love to flow unhindered we become aware of the fact, that we are here to bring our all to all that we undertake in life, and this then becomes our joyful purpose.

  13. That work takes away precious time from us is just a powerful image that is not true and that governs most of the people that work. The implications of this image is vast in terms of our movements in and out of work.

  14. ‘ it is possible to be joyfully working – if I allow myself to be joyfully me.’ I love this. It’s true we really don’t have to let the misery of others get us down or even dull us one little bit, it is possible to stay true to ourselves and love them from that place however they want to behave.

  15. Gorgeous blog Janina, I could feel your joy as I read it. Makes perfect sense that when we are fully present and with our self we can enjoy whatever we are doing. I know this works for me.

  16. I remember at my first job we had really cheap coffee that tasted awful. I asked why the employees didn’t buy a better quality one and the answer from a colleague was that there was no way he would give the company any more than he absolutely had to.

  17. ‘Now I know that if things don’t work – I am responsible for it’, so true. I have something in my life that is not working and yes I am responsible for creating it, it has taken a while but I finally get this – (because I was going into reaction with it). I am very clear now that I am not taking this old pattern into my future, and at the same time, re-imprinting it. Awareness is the name of the game!

  18. “My Relationship with Work: Choosing to be All of Me” – choosing to be all of us really is what the real job at work is irrespective of the profession we’re in. When we are this [realness] first, what we then do springs vitality and enjoyment. The “furthering of the job.. even career” – is to hold on to this and to inspire [others] in a workplace that works the opposite.

    1. Yes, it is such a simple concept – be all of you at work (and everywhere) and life is so much more joyful.

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