Re-united with God

God was never mentioned when I was growing up; not because my parents were anti-God, it’s just that they weren’t ‘believers.’ They were fairly unusual in that they got married in a registry office, again not because they could categorically say that there wasn’t a God but because they couldn’t categorically say that there was. I love the absolute integrity of my parents.

My experience with organised religion boiled down to one very boring couple of hours at Sunday school and joining in enthusiastically with the choruses of hymns at Christmas time. I remember Dad trying to ‘find God’ at one stage in his life, which constituted his going to bible classes and then promptly being asked to leave because he was asking too many probing questions. (God, I love my Dad).

But here’s the startling thing; even though I didn’t have any organised religion in my life, I can now see, looking back, that as a kid the way that I lived was truly religious. It didn’t matter that I never said His name, God was very known to me – very, very known indeed.

My intimacy with God continued until about the age of nine, at which time Dad got a promotion at work and so my family moved from our idyllic village in rural Yorkshire to what I felt was a monstrosity of a town just north of London. The move had a massive effect on me, the extent of which has only come to light in recent years. I never doubted that the move devastated me, but it’s only in the last couple of years that I have fully realised that the most significant effect that the move had on me was that I seemingly lost my connection to God.

I always knew that I missed the countryside and that the bullying at school was traumatic, but I never consciously realised that the greatest hurt by far was choosing to step away from my beloved God. But you see, because no one had ever spoken to me about what true connection to God was, I never consciously knew that God and I were one and the same and so consequently I didn’t realise that when I chose to step away from myself, I was also choosing to step away from God.

We’ve constructed so many false and misleading notions around what it is to be religious that I never considered that as a child I was deeply religious: in fact, I assumed that because my family never went to church and because I never prayed  – that’s not strictly true, I do remember praying once, that if I was going to be murdered could God arrange it to happen after my cross country competition, because I really wanted to run in the race – that I wasn’t religious. How poisonous are our beliefs when they can get us to believe the exact opposite to the truth? And is that, in fact, the purpose of a belief – to deliberately steer us away from the truth?

It has taken my reunification with God to realise that as a child I knew Him intimately. If you asked me to explain who God is or how He feels, then I couldn’t, other than to say He feels like the deepest part of me.

What I can answer however, is how I have been able to get back to God, and that very simply has been to restore my body to the pristine condition that it was in as a child. Before the age of nine I lived life from my body and then when trauma hit, it changed the relationship that I had with my body. Rather than my body being the beautiful, sensitive, surrendered, interactive home that it was, my body became a means with which to protect myself from the potential attacks that I perceived were coming my way. I put up a physical barrier by hardening my body, never realising that I was also putting up a barrier to God.

God never ever walks away from any of us; it’s always us that choose to walk away from Him. Not that we can ever, in truth, walk away from Him, because God is threaded all the way through who we are, but the way that we choose to conduct ourselves ensures that we’re not able to feel His living breath deep within us.

And so my re-unification with God has been a gradual process but one that has been very physical – there has been nothing intellectual about it – it has very much taken place in my body. I have had to turf out everything that does not belong in my body:  ideals about how things should be, beliefs (all of them because there is not one belief that is true), notions, ideas, images, imaginings, every thing that does not come from truth.

I have had to re-visit things that have hurt me in order to release the hold that they have had over my body. By restoring my body back to its original condition, it has enabled me to be able to feel God again and to realise that God is within us all of the time, He is never not there; it’s simply that life is set up in such a way so as to interfere with the medium through which we feel Him, and that is through our bodies.

By Alexis Stewart, a woman who at last feels that she is doing what it is that she is here to do, Sydney, Australia

Further Reading:
God’s Waiting Room
God. It’s a Science
We cannot be without God and Religion

693 thoughts on “Re-united with God

  1. ‘I remember Dad trying to ‘find God’ at one stage in his life, which constituted his going to bible classes and then promptly being asked to leave because he was asking too many probing questions.’ Interesting!! I had this the other day with a young person when they asked me why were we doing a particular activity in the workshop. I embraced their question, confirming to them how important it is for them to ask questions if they do not understand or are just challenging something. We discussed this more until they had a better understanding of why we were doing the activity and how it was supporting them. Could it be that your Dad’s questions were challenging something within them they did not either fully know, understand or were able to express themselves? It would seem so.

    1. Vicky, I know the questions that Dad was asking, they were very practical and at the same time exposing questions for which the vicar had no good answer for, hence he was asked to leave.

  2. “I never consciously knew that God and I were one and the same and so consequently I didn’t realise that when I chose to step away from myself, I was also choosing to step away from God.” Institutionalised religion can hold God as separate and in some belief systems superior, but isn’t it interesting that the innocence, playfulness and purity of children embrace that connection to who they are and to God so naturally – until something intrudes, and for many people that’s actually religion.

  3. Only just yesterday, I got reminded how I don’t speak to God and I felt mortified and went into a semi-panic of ‘What should I do?’ but really, He has never left me, even when I thought I did, I can never be without Him, as much as He cannot be without me. We can try convincing ourselves otherwise as we have all been doing for eons, but really, I am getting a bit bored with this pretense of being lost and finding the way again, and again, and again. What if we stay connected? That, I don’t know what would happen, and would definitely be worth giving a go.

  4. We grow up with many impositions placed up on us and God plays a major factor in all of this.
    I grew up thinking if I didn’t pray every day and the house stinking of incense sticks, or visiting the temple regularly, I was a bad girl. I could feel the judgment as I wouldn’t comply with this belief.

    What has been shared in this blog, is a realisation that God is always within us, and yes, ‘life gets in the way’ and in a heart beat away, we can reconnect with God, if we so choose to do so. It is that simple.

    God is many places then just a building, book, ceremony etc. He is everywhere, just look, feel and listen and he is there.

  5. “God never ever walks away from any of us; it’s always us that choose to walk away from Him.” With all the distractions of society, the false eduction of God and the focus to be someone or oneself it is very easy to ‘walk away’ from God. It is also as simple to ‘walk back’ if one so chooses as He holds no judgment, however, what may appear difficult is the letting go of the investments one has made in the distractions.

  6. “God never ever walks away from any of us; it’s always us that choose to walk away from Him. Not that we can ever, in truth, walk away from Him, because God is threaded all the way through who we are, but the way that we choose to conduct ourselves ensures that we’re not able to feel His living breath deep within us.” – just like the poem of the 2 footsteps in the sand… the one where we always see God’s footsteps next to ours, but when we see only one set of footsteps, it is because God is carrying us and not because he has abandoned us.

  7. When we feel a loss, no matter what is happening around us, we are feeling the devastation of our loss of connection to our deepest essence which is our link to God. For our greatest asset and greatest strength to handle all that happens around us in our physical world, is our connection to God. And from this connection comes all the ways for us to handle that which life unfolds for us to work with.

  8. It is very humbling to come to know that “God never ever walks away from any of us”, especially when I remember the times, I walked away from the people in my life who, as far as I was concerned, had hurt me; God didn’t walk away from them. I even walked away from myself and in the process hurt me immeasurably. But God didn’t walk away from me, he just waited patiently until I finally came to realise that the truth of him I knew as a child had never left me, I had simply chosen to bury it. How lovely it is to be re-united with God once again, and I know I won’t be walking away from him, or me, ever again.

  9. ‘Before the age of nine I lived life from my body and then when trauma hit, it changed the relationship that I had with my body.’ If I’m honest I can remember hating my body from a very young age. When I connected with it I felt the energy I’d absorbed and felt that, even in my own body there was no refuge from the horridness I felt in the world. I felt my body had betrayed me and I set about getting rid of this heaviness by overeating and then starving and over exercising. I wanted out, I didn’t want to feel because everytime I did I had no escape and I wanted relief from feeling all that wasn’t love.

    It’s been a while for me to realise the yuckiness I felt in me isn’t me – not just theoretically but something I feel in my body. I keep have to coming back to feeling the beauty I am beneath what I’ve taken on and then what I’ve taken on I can let go of. The ways I thought helped me cope with the world worked to numb myself but I have to accept I polluted my body in doing so and now, if I want to live from a body that is able to feel God in every cell, I have to keep on feeling and releasing what doesn’t belong. It’s a process that’s worth it for sure.

  10. This just goes to show the personal relationship we each have with God and how it has nothing to do with a picture or others ideals and beliefs including religions. It is a connection within.

  11. ‘I remember Dad trying to ‘find God’ at one stage in his life, which constituted his going to bible classes and then promptly being asked to leave because he was asking too many probing questions.’ Classic!!!! shouldn’t these type of classes welcome questions to explore and discuss what people feel? Obviously not! 😶

    1. The questions Dad was asking were very revealing and difficult questions for the people of the church to answer, and so rather than be exposed by my Dad’s probing questions it was much easier to ask him to leave.

    1. I love the simplicity of your comment and how by reading it I’m able to give myself full permission to have that relationship with myself and not keep looking outwards for what only lies within, and then goes out.

  12. ‘God was very known to me – very, very known indeed.’ I was wondering if it is possible that God is deeply known by us as children, but through the indoctrination of fixed ideals and beliefs around religion we dismiss what we know deep down?

  13. What I am realising is that yes, ‘when I chose to step away from myself, I was also choosing to step away from God’ but also, I can make the choice to return, for God is not the one stepping away – I am, and I can choose to come back the the truth of what is within me all the time.

    1. Yes Ariana, it is all a matter of choice, a choice to say yes to God, or to say no. It has always been our freedom of choice which has manifested in the separation to, or the separation from God. I certainly have come to know which is the most loving choice of the two; it is the choice of the truth that I know within every particle of my being.

  14. God is always with us, whether we connect with that fact or not. All that is required then is for us to re-connect with ourselves and then we are re-connected with God.

  15. To have a relationship to the being that is your Soul is to have a relationship with God. A HUGE thank-you to Universal Medicine because it was not until I reawakened this connection that I became aware that there was both a spirit and a Soul. Growing up with the catholic religion did not bring a connection to my Soul nor did anything else — AND there was nothing to explain the difference between the two either besides Universal Medicine. I now live with much more clarity and joy thanks to my re-connection.

  16. The last paragraph of this article is so exquisitely beautiful, simple and natural. The fact that God is within us all the time, that he is never not there and that it is in connection with our bodies that we know this fact.

  17. God is in the detail. And that means everything in our lives. Appreciate the small things and you can appreciate a God.

  18. Important to remember that it is we who leave God and the re-unite. He just waits patiently, always there, always just around the corner / walking alongside / within earshot if we should ever need him.

  19. I feel the point that God may not have been talked about when we were kids but we knew what it felt like to be with God. I feel we need to foster this in kids so they know and treasure that feeling so we do not have to wait decades to be reunited with him (and ourselves).

  20. God also was always very known to me. It feels great to express ‘ I know God very well’.
    To not hide the truth, to stand for truth.

  21. Thank you Alexis, for such a beautiful sharing on your re-connection back to God. I know I felt lost and miserable when I walked away from God, I didn’t want to be responsible for my situation so I blamed God for all my woes. To make the choice to work through this hurt allowed the space for me to re-connect to God and to feel how I was always held in his love constantly, and this love has only continued to grow and expand since.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s