by Yasmin Lang, Aged Care Nurse / Massage Therapist, Byron Bay
I was invited to give a presentation at an Aged Care Centre, to bring awareness of the benefits and support massage can provide. I did not know what I was going to talk about until I stood before fifty or so residents and staff and began sharing what felt right from my own experience.
My mother suffered from dementia, and she came to a point when she no longer recognised me or knew my name. Having a conversation only created confusion for her, so I used to hold her hands and then gently massage them, and the feeling between us re-awakened and she called me daughter!Could it be that we have become so very far removed from safe and nurturing touch, and especially so, as we grow older?
It all began when I visited her with a gift of hand lotion. At first it was awkward and she did not like being touched – perhaps the closeness was too much for her, perhaps she had become very removed and isolated from touch and any true loving connection, especially in a nursing home where the only physical contact was to assist her in everyday personal care needs, which was not always pleasant. In the beginning she struggled and her resistance came up, then she began to relax, melt and fall into a light sleep… and within 15 minutes she became peaceful and her restless nervous hands were still, just being.
On another visit when again she did not recognise me, her eyes lit up when I held the bottle of hand lotion in my hands and she said, “yes, please!” We were communicating!
A few weeks later I observed her in a repetitive anxious state along with restless legs and lack of sleep. I wrapped her feet in steaming warm towels and then gently massaged the hardness from her legs and feet. She relaxed and calmed down and slept like a baby afterwards.
My mother had spent her formative years in Wales during the Great Depression and then the Second World War, and these experiences had shaped her. It was obvious how stifled her life had become. She had learned how to survive but found herself unable to see outside this wall she had erected around herself, always worried about money and stockpiling food: she lived in a climate of fear and poverty consciousness. Eventually, dementia had taken away her memories, worries and her life-long struggle with asthma. Yes, even the asthma was cured, leaving her with a wide-eyed childlike innocence, and we became playful and funny in each other’s company. Not many words were needed to communicate and yet, we were communicating heart to heart in a true way, and our new relationship had begun through a gentle loving touch that would re-connect us to ourselves, each other and the harmony within.
These days a new relationship has developed through this experience, for me to be working with and around people with dementia and their families. I might add that it wasn’t always an easy road, sometimes to the point of exhaustion, where I would almost lose my way. Usually, when I used to feel sorry or sympathetic towards another who I perceived to be suffering, I would get drained and exhausted. But to shut myself down, cold, hard and detached and to not feel, did not work for me either.
During this time I had much healing and support in the way of healing sessions with Serge Benhayon and other Universal Medicine practitioners, and I attended Universal Medicine workshops where I began to feel more of myself and understand the need for more loving care, nurturing and healing within myself. It was only then that I was truly able to develop an understanding toward others. I began to feel a warm detachment – compassion for a person. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s quite the opposite: I can accept that the person is exactly where they are on their own journey, just as I am, and there is no way I would want to interfere with their process, change them or provide a safety mattress to prevent them from feeling where they are at; nothing to fix, simply, I love them just the way they are and they can feel that, too.
It is now possible for me to offer my assistance and true care without the entanglement and emotional attachment. I am more loving with myself, playful, and able to get out of my own way and offer a true service.
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
When we get lost in any way, coming back to the body is everything. That is why, in those occasions words may not do much.
What occurred to me while reading this touching account of Yasmin’s care for her mother is just how much we all really yearn for tender physical contact but seem to avoid it like the plague sometimes based on some previous hurt or fear of opening up fully to others and showing our fragility, which is actually a strength, not a weakness.
It is amazing how you did not know what you were going to present about yet when you were there presenting in the moment you knew exactly what to say. This really shows a deep level of connection and trust within yourself that naturally offers you the ability to be confident and open to what your body is telling you in such circumstances.
True love and true care can look quite different from what we have been sold to. Accepting others for their choices, knowing that they are love, is very much a work in progress for me, as much as building that foundation for the relationship with myself.
First I love that you did not prepare for the presentation but instead felt what was needed when you got there and was actually with the people and that what you presented came from your lived experience and something that could really support staff and residents alike … truly inspiring ✨ Secondly Yasmin this is so beautiful what you are sharing with regards to your mum and the relationship between you. Often when our parents age, as adults we get engulfed in our ‘busy’ lives and do what we can to support them, but here you really connected with your mum and gave her time and care. When you mentioned how you cared for her feet with the towels it was really touching and the love and care could be felt. It just goes to show what a simple thing like a hand massage with some hand lotion when being really present with the person and doing it from a place of true care can offer the other.
A beautiful blog to read Yasmin, showing the power of your loving tender touch bringing a loving connection with your Mother. So many of the elderly miss the loving touch which can be so healing, and massage with true care is a beautiful way of providing this.
Love your mention of true care coming from detachment. After all how can we ever offer true care and understanding to another if we are absorbed and entangled in their emotional dilemmas and issues?
Alison how you described how some people from that era was spot on, as with my mother she felt she had no choice in life, as you say it was not in their hands to change it. However, massaging her hands did allow her to feel tenderness and the protection were no longer there, as she was safe and she felt loved.
Understanding someone’s experiences through life and the effect that these experiences have had, without being sympathetic is very important. Our history explains much, even though we choose our reactions/responses.
What a powerful message you share here Yasmin of how or bodies will always respond to love, as It knows that love is what animates and brings harmony to the body, regardless of whether our minds are aligned of not. And so, where we walk with love, we communicate love in every way through our movements, and as you share this is how to offer true service to humanity.
We are touched and taught in a way beyond words, by physical connection. What a travesty it is that this warm and natural caring expression has been put aside to be ‘polite’ or proper. A simple caring gesture can remind us instantly, we are Love. Thank you Yasmin.
Truly beautiful Yasmin. Your blog has me pondering the power of touch in all my relationships. So often we think we need to say the right thing but our bodies communicate far more than words can.
A beautiful sharing Yasmin. We like to communicate with words but I love how you restored connecting with your mum through touch and deep love and care. Feeling a connection from the heart is worth more than any words exchanged.
Thank you Yasmin, loving touch is a beautiful way to communicate love and warmth very clearly. Love is more than just words, love is felt in the way a meal is cooked, in a hug, in the way we work, and the way we touch others. All you have shared is really beautiful Yasmin and very inspiring. We can never discount our ability to share our love with others in very simple ways in our day to day life
When we sympathise with another they feel that in their bodies too and it is a drain on them. I am just remembering a time when I was in a wheel chair, brief though it was, it gave me time to observe other peoples reactions to me and the sympathy, pity and patronising energy coming my way felt ugly and very uncomfortable.
Thank you Elaine, it’s great what you have shared here. We judge and diminish people based on outer circumstances instead of meeting each other in our essence or being and the equality that we truly have. It is true what you’re sharing here that sympathy can stem from viewing someone as less because of circumstance.
A very powerful testament to the power of touch beautifully and simply expressed.
A very touching sharing, Yasmin, thank you. The effect of sympathy and the difference when you give loving support that you highlight is truly important and significant in being able to give true loving care and to not become drained in the process.
Thank you Yasmin – it is inspiring to read how the delicacy and tenderness of touch can restore connection with another.
Recently I have started to work in aged care, reading this feels very inspiring. The conditions that people can get into can be very upsetting but going into reaction and emotions lessened our ability to bring true care. Thank you Yasmin.
This simple, yet profound story is stunning, That quality, gentle touch and movement is paramount for mental health condtions. I hope this will be recognised as a scientific path of connection.
You inspire me Yasmin by how you have shown that love is so real, practical and applicable in any moment depending on what is needed from a simple conversation to a delicate touch.
Not accepting anyone and anything in life is a huge holding back on our own evolution. So are we really choosing to evolve each other or not?
This is a deeply inspiring blog Yasmin. The quality of love through presence and touch that is possible to have with another is a beautiful way of communication and connection when it is no longer possible to do so verbally. A very great gift shared with your mother at this time.
“nothing to fix, simply, I love them just the way they are” and tender touch with a gentle massage offers a profound connection.
A beautiful touching personal account of how we can be in any situation, personal or not. I love how a level of communication was found and not a dismissiveness or anything else. To communicate with someone like this in that situation was really evident and how it supported them and everyone was able to be easily seen. It made me reflect how I am and how I go about things and being more aware of how I am with people in different situations. Am I looking or feeling for a way to communicate with them truly or am I ticking a box or shutting them down or walking away from them because it’s too hard. One thing that this article is saying to me is that we all no matter who or where we are we deserve care and respect and when this is the dedication that you hold people in there is a magic in the way the communication and relationship goes.
This is beautiful to read Yasmin, often we feel quite helpless when around others with conditions like these, what you offer is a way to deeply connect with another and to support them with our loving touch, where no words are needed just the power of our love and acceptance.
To hear that your mum recognised the bottle and experience more than the person should really tell us something. It is like the brain can only cope with a certain level of communication and touch communicates so much more than words. I know far too many situations where the outside demeanour of a carer was exactly what you wanted to see in a carer but their touch was rough and they got impatient very quickly. Over time the mask the carer wore would slip occasionally and I saw what the person was trying to show me. It was a great lesson in seeing beyond the mask and beyond outside appearances. Children communicate in the same way.
We can become so far removed from loving touch and feelings that resistance can rise up against what actually feels more settling and natural. But the more I allow myself to feel the difference between being in the supportive, loving situation and what running away from that contact and/or situation brings (normally I am left feeling cold, grumpy, emotional etc) the resistance reduces as the appreciation and preference to be more loving increases.
Even when we feel there is no way, there still is one.
Beautifully simple, I loved how you built up your communication with touch allowing your mum to feel safe and reassured by your presence, it goes to show that we can always rely on our senses to communicate with us even when we may feel everything else is lost, it is always remarkable how the human body responds and how that touch goes far deeper than just the physical.
When we come to offer true care to someone we can only do so when we are first able to offer this loving care towards ourselves in our daily lives. Thank you Yasmin for a beautiful story of reconnection to your mother through you tender loving touch.
What a difference it makes to be responsible with your own healing and how this supports another – the communication with others is what you have healed.
The only care that truly cares, is the one that comes without judgment and that is what you describe so beautifully in your blog, your warmth and sweetness is felt in the story of your reconnection with your mother, I am truly touched by this sharing.
I was very touched by your writing especially regarding your relationship with you mum. Its great that you have found a way to deepen your relationship without the need for lots of words. I can imagine it can be very upsetting when your mother does not recognise you, but I don’t sense that from you, only a deep appreciation of the time you get to spend with each other.
People with dementia have made choices that have removed them from the rest of the world and from God. How powerful the human touch is that even they are brought back (even if temporarily) to some feeling that is very human, but also beyond human.
I just think this is the most beautiful blog which highlights the intelligence of the body that knows complete love.
Amazing and super inspiring sharing. So beautiful to feel how connection like this can settle and bring someone back. Too often we hold back and communicate on a superficial level when the call is to go much deeper.
Yes, and I admire the fact that Yasmin didn’t walk away or give up with the initial agitation. Building trust in touch without imposition is vital as the experiences before may have been to touch as a force or a means of control.
I have a relative in his late eighties showing signs of dementia. What I saw was that he can become easily confused and frustrated. I have found the best support for him was very similar to what you’ve shared Jasmin about your experience with your mum. Also I have found one of the best supports is to not join their frustration but to stay connected with ourselves and simply choose to connect with them lovingly without the need to fix anything.
The power of loving touch is huge and something that gets missed out quite regularly in our day and in our health care system. A loving non imposing tender touch does wonders for helping someone to connect back to themselves and who they truly are. Thank you Yasmin for sharing.
After reading your blog Yasmin I cannot help but feel how ‘surviving life’ with the walls we create around us to protect us from hurt also does not allow us to bring true care, true quality or true love into the equation of our overall life.
What a beautiful sharing Yasmin of the healing power of touch and the re-kindling of connection and communication that is possible with people with dementia (and other illnesses).
Gosh this is beautiful – gentle and nurturing touch is something that many crave and is hugely supportive in settling the body. It can do a lot more than words at times.
I agree MW. Sometimes a simple touch is all we need. It’s something that we miss, and the power of it is clear in Yasmin’s blog.
I have come to see, from the experiences in my life, that as we have relied so much on the words another speaks to understand what is going on for them, when they lose the ability to communicate in this way it becomes very difficult to connect to them. Both my late parents lost the ability to communicate, in different ways, in the latter years of their lives. To begin with it was very frustrating trying to communicate with them, but day by day we learned a whole raft of strategies to do so, at times some turning frustration into unbridled hilarity.. The one thing from these experiences that really impacted on me is that we live in a very precious body and cannot afford to take any part of it for granted, for when one of the parts stops working, life will, without doubt, be very challenging for the person and for those around them.
It is very interesting to read this as one who works in social care where the ‘reasons for touch’ are made quite clear. It is of course necessary to make it clear that touch must be used appropriately but to make a connection with a person is not one of the reasons given. It makes a lot of sense to me that touch would support connection with a person with Dementia, one who has become withdrawn and checked-out from their body. An appropriate and loving touch is something we should perhaps at to the list or ‘reasons for touch’ in our social care sector.
I like the way you describe a ‘warm detachment’ you now have for the people you work with. I work in an environment where it’s easy to become emotionally attached. On the days where I let this happen I come home feeling exhausted. Your blog is a reminder that allowing others to be, without any investment from me, is a very loving thing to do for all concerned.
It must be difficult for someone you love to no longer recognise you. It was very touching to read about how you cared for your mum and how touch helped rekindle that connection between the two of you.
I had one of my close relatives in hospital for several years with Alzheimer’s. Half way through their stay, they lost the ability to communicate and touch was the only thing left and I saw how honest the communication became because it is not possible to lie with the way we touch someone.
This is so beautiful Yasmin. The power of touch is incredible and your blog shows that it is the energetic quality of our touch that determines whether or not someone is truly supported to heal.
Understanding that a person is where he or she is in his/her journey is crucial to stop a needy relationship. This is especially crucial for a relationship with someone who has no memories. Then it opens the door to a new purpose: (re-)connection. The beauty of it is that it meets someone where it is, which is beautiful in itself.
Self-love and self-care are the absolute prerequisites needed to be able to deeply care for others. Any other approach just burns us out and the quality in our care starts to drop.
That’s my experience too Yasmin, sympathy and feeling sorry for what someone else has to go through is very draining and exhausts the body. With becoming more aware and present in my own body, in my work with (older) people I feel I’ve let go of the idea I have to ‘rescue’ them but just be with them being my lovely self which leaves me vital and joyful.
‘It is now possible for me to offer my assistance and true care without the entanglement and emotional attachment. I am more loving with myself, playful, and able to get out of my own way and offer a true service.’ This is super supportive for anyone who is a carer or knows someone with a similar condition, rather than being sympathetic or emotional to another we can offer true support and inspire another to deeply connect and allow another to just simply ‘be’, without any picture or neediness on our part.
Thank you Yasmin for a beautiful sharing of meeting your mother with a loving touch and true compassion. It is so freeing to be able to step out of the emotional sympathy and hold a person in love as they continue on their own journey without any fixing or wanting to make better.
Just gorgeous Yasmin, leading the way to true care for others.
This is so beautiful what you brought to your mother and the group of people you presented to; amazing work. It would be lovely to hear if you are still holding these presentations and how they are going. It is also amazing what a simple thing as a hand massage can do for another person, re-connecting through this form of touch can be deeply healing on levels we probably cannot even fathom.
Very gorgeous Yasmin. You have clearly show how love knows no boundaries as when we meet another with absolute love, as you have shared, we hold them in the love they are in essence. The quality of love is universal and is known by the hearts of all. Beautiful to feel how in developing a greater quality of care and love for yourself, you are able to offer and share greater quality of care and love with your clients.
Lovely sharing Yasmin, how powerful a loving touch can be in all that it communicates, and without the need of words.
This is very inspiring Yasmin. Your experience is testimony to how essential it is to be lovingly touched and also how essential it is for the health and well-being of the carer to offer “true care without the entanglement and emotional attachment”.
Amazing sharing Yasmin, and reminded me very much of my own experiences with my grandmother, who died with dementia many years ago.
What a lovely connection you made with your mother Yasmin holding your mothers hand and gently massaging it. It is something we do not do enough of and yet as your mother showed we can respond to this so much more than words. I remember at my brother’s funeral I could see one of my relations were struggling, so I put my hand gently on their shoulder and held them, and they were able to let go. It is easy to underestimate how healing a simple loving touch can be.
Yasmin it shows that at times no words need to be spoken for two people to feel a connection to each other or re-connection with themselves… just a look in the eyes, a tender touch or loving smile can hold so much communication. Beautiful to read of how your Mum responded to being touched and massaged.
I love rereading your blog Yasmin, it brings a depth of care that humanity has long forgotten. A communication that is soul to soul and where words need only be felt and not spoken. The true language of love.
I am with you as you share Kim as there is a communication of the soul where words are only felt and can be seen and felt as eyes meet, the knowing in the eyes that here was someone who held something, quality, a very akin to what I know
I agree Kim Weston, Yasmin re-surrects a quality in care that we have lost and it is my experience too that a lot of elderlies respond to tender touch as that is something they do not get in this way as much if at all.
I love what you have expressed about truly supporting another Yasmin. Accepting and honouring that “the person is exactly where they are on their own journey, just as I am, and there is no way I would want to interfere with their process, change them or provide a safety mattress to prevent them from feeling where they are at; nothing to fix, simply, I love them just the way they are”. I know from experience at times I prefer being rescued because I see myself as weak and incapable, but when someone supports me in the way that you describe, I start to see myself as more capable. This type of support is immensely empowering.
Your gorgeous blog is a beautiful reminder of how very special and powerful gentle loving touch is and tenderness and care is something that we all naturally love.
Wow what beautiful care you gave your mum, you can really feel the absolute love and care you have for her, and how this just melted her, after all … none of us can resist love and tenderness for long.
Yeah I love it, we can’t resist our own love… It’s like being thirsty and finding this incredible well of fresh pure spring water inside us.
That loving touch I have found has helped me to observe and accept my own choices, allowing myself to see that the ill choices never have come from me, thus making it easier to detach from, compared to when I believe that I am the source of the ill. Which in turn has allowed me to observe, understand and love others. Even in the face of my previous choices, right now I can choose to move in a more gentle and loving way, and even in the face of another’s choices that same choice to be gentle and loving remains. Thank you Yasmin.
Thank you Yasmin for your blog. To totally accept oneself and others is huge, especially when we are dealing with people with Dementia, as the road to connecting with them is often difficult and arduous, yet connecting with a person in this state is a test of one’s ability to stay connected to oneself. To accept that this is their journey and through this I feel we all gain insights into how our lives are affected by every decision we make and applied within our life.
You make some great points in your blog Yasmin, thankyou, including how important our own loving self care is particularly in challenging situations. My normal default is to stress out, so this is a great reminder of how much I need to return to supporting myself when I feel upset in some way.
The healing power of a loving touch seems to have been highly underestimated for way too long. As you have demonstrated in this very beautiful sharing, no matter what the situation we find ourselves in, a gentle, loving touch can be the difference between feeling alone and feeling connected to another, something most of us long for.
I am also struck by the ability to walk beside someone and know they are walking the path their life and choices have offered them. Not in judgement, as we are walking the life our choices and life have offered us. It is only when we go into comparison that we decide one is better than the other, when we simply walk beside each other it is much more about love and support.
There is so much in what you have just shared. The connection you felt with your mother when you brought it back to touch. It clearly connected with a part of her brain and she felt the connection and understood it to be a tender touch rather than a functional touch.
The last few lines you write Yasmin are most interesting, that you are observing the state of wellbeing another is in but not becoming embroiled in their emotional state. That is such a powerful way to support others and yet to not become emotional about something is often seen as being cold and uncaring. I have felt this many times where there has almost been this pressure to act emotionally, cry or becoming entwined in the imbalance. Yet if we look at it, the way you share has much more meaning to it, being aware of another and their process with no need to absorb it in order to show support.
Thank you Stephen for your comment, I can relate to what you have shared. Yasmin makes a great point by remaining with herself and observing people, and choosing to love them unconditionally (no matter what state they are in). This way, it’s more beneficial for both parties. We can feel like we are “doing” something by getting involved but actually the stillness of our love offers so much more.
Thank you Melinda,” We can feel like we are “doing” something by getting involved but actually the stillness of our love offers so much more” – this has become more and more obvious to me and in fact in caring for my elderly parents at different times, both having had dementia, and also in friends who have been dying this is very easy to see. We also need this kind of holding love with our friends and in everyday encounters when often there is a lot of nervous energy or anxiousness in another and by our being very still it allows the other to settle themselves.
So true Stephen. Sympathy is a burden both to the one that expresses it and to the one that accepts or even welcomes it.
‘It’s not that I don’t care, it’s quite the opposite: I can accept that the person is exactly where they are on their own journey, just as I am, and there is no way I would want to interfere with their process, change them or provide a safety mattress to prevent them from feeling where they are at; nothing to fix, simply, I love them just the way they are and they can feel that, too.’ just shows that there is a true way to suppot someone. I can relate to what you shared earlier on in the blog about swinging from either emotionally embroiled and exhausted to being cold and detached. But neither of them felt like i was being me- they are what I thought i had to do to survive.
“It is now possible for me to offer my assistance and true care without the entanglement and emotional attachment. I am more loving with myself, playful, and able to get out of my own way and offer a true service.” This is beautiful Yasmin as so often carers can get drained. Staying with ourselves and being love – and not absorbing others emotions – is something I have learned from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
When we learn how to deeply care for, nurture and heal ourselves, it is truly remarkable what we can offer another who is suffering… sometimes without even saying a word.
So beautiful Yasmin, developing a deeper relationship with your mum though touch just sounds so wonderful, to be able to transcend what was there before, getting around the dementia, just keeping it simple, bring it to touch and connection.
Caring for the elderly has become big business and as we live longer, not necessarily with much vitality this situation is likely to continue. Often young people who train for this kind of work don’t have much hands on experience and it is quite a shock to them when they come face to face with working with older people who are debilitated and ‘suffering’ dementia. Having people like yourself talk to these students and have them assist in real life situations would be a great support to them.
“I can accept that the person is exactly where they are on their own journey, just as I am, and there is no way I would want to interfere with their process, change them or provide a safety mattress to prevent them from feeling where they are at…” Living words of wisdom for us all. There is ‘nothing to fix’ about anyone. There can be behaviours that need to be called out and exposed for what they are, but not from any point of trying to fix or change someone. All there is to do is to live lovingly and tenderly with ourselves and our reflection does the rest.
It is beautiful to retread your account of connecting to your mother Yasmin. Touch and space are so important. There was a time when I felt that trying to communicate with someone with dementia was something difficult and I found that when I was in that situation I was jollying things along, which felt false and without purpose. Now I can feel the joy and purpose of allowing a relationship to unfold rather than trying to have the relationship that used to be there.
“I can accept that the person is exactly where they are on their own journey, just as I am, and there is no way I would want to interfere with their process, change them or provide a safety mattress to prevent them from feeling where they are at;” Yasmin you have provided here a key for all carers. Once we bring in this understanding and let go of sympathy or trying to help we do not get so drained working with others and can offer true care from a genuine place of love.
What I love about this blog Yasmin is feeling your love of people and how you held your mother in love wanting nothing for yourself. People in nursing homes are often touched by busy hands that are just getting the job done and so the people often close down to avoid feeling this lack of love. How beautiful for your mum to feel your lack of imposition which allowed her to relax and let in the gentle touch and then reconnect with her love so she recognized you as her daughter.
This is such a healing blog. We can say so much with gentle loving touch, there is no need for words.
An awesome sharing Yasmine, I have felt the power of touch in my own life with my young daughter. At bedtime she can sometimes be quite restless form the day’s events and have difficulty settling for sleep. I now do gentle Esoteric Massage on her and she drops into her body very deeply and can then fall asleep in a beautiful and connected way.
I got to a point in my life where I didn’t enjoy being touched. I found that the majority of people were not gentle nor respectful in their touch and I therefore did not want a bar of it. I withdrew from touch and would occasionally hug someone but there was no warmth in it. I just did it to tick a box. I felt disconnected from myself and also the world around me. I was unable to change this after awhile and felt doomed to live in this self-imposed prison… until I came across Universal Medicine therapies, specifically Esoteric Healing. The practitioner I was seeing was lovely and supported me to slowly let go of the fortress I had built, to the point where one day I gave her a hug. It was awkward on my side but a breakthrough. Since becoming a student of Universal Medicine I have been exposed to the most gentle and respectful touch from fellow students that it has supported me to heal my aversion to touch. Nowadays I am more than willing to hug. People even say that my hugs are real, warm, and awesome. This is a testament to the work that I have done to drop the barriers I had built and the power that Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon offers. It truly is enormous.
I love how you have described detachment in this blog Yasmin, “…I can accept that the person is exactly where they are on their own journey, just as I am, and there is no way I would want to interfere with their process, change them or provide a safety mattress to prevent them from feeling where they are at; nothing to fix, simply, I love them just the way they are and they can feel that, too.” Detachment gets a bad wrap but the truth of it is that it is needed so we can stop any imposition on another, as well as being able to observe what is needed so as to truly serve.
This is an amazing blog, Yasmin. The healing power of touch is shared so strongly and deeply. I do agree with it in every way, and your approach just feels divine.
A great blog, written from Yasmin’s own personal experience, how we can support another, no matter where they are at, when we truly support ourselves too.
Dear Yasmin, what an awesome reminder, and a beautiful sharing, thank you. We all love a gentle touch, and when it comes with true love, it is such a healing. Thank you for sharing Yasmin.
Thank you Esther, sometimes some how sharing something that can be so personal can be universal to all of us as we all long to feel true love whether we know it or not
A powerful blog not only of loving touch but of connection with another. It often seems in our very busy and often complicated lives that we have forgotten or avoided the simplicity and healing that touch and connection provide – and that this is a powerful and universally accessible component of any true healing and health and well-being.
Thank you Yasmin for sharing a really beautiful story, of a deeper connection with your Mum through your loving touch, it is so powerful in it’s heart to heart connection.
It’s really beautiful to read this Yasmin and understand the power of touch and the true healing it offers.
You’ve raised a great point Luke – we’ve become afraid to offer that intimate touch aware that another may take it the wrong way and our society is all the lesser because of this.
Yes it is a great shame that touch has been mis-represented in its current way of thinking.
Yes this blog shows people really do crave being touched by another. There exists so much fear of touch that it’s perceived as inappropriate even when it’s not. young people don’t often get to feel what’s appropriate and what’s not. People, myself included in the past would get sexualised touch when actually what was craved was just warmth, connection and support. Love is seldom expressed through touch in society even within close families because of the fear of misinterpretation of it as inappropriate.
I get the sense that the notion of all touch from a stranger being treated with suspicion has gotten stronger in the past decades. Since the flood of media that portrays it in this way. Thereby I feel our youth of today would be far more suspicious then the older generation. I could be wrong…
Yasmin your sharing is so beautiful. It reminds me of me and my father who has dementia. He’s able to recognise me but there may well come a time when I’ll be one of the ones he no longer recognises. He’s so welcoming and open to everyone he meets I feel he’ll be this way with me too as he responds so lovingly with people. Growing up I imposed wanting him to be a father to me in a certain way that wasn’t where he was at. Now I see his choices and accept them as his, I have an open heart when previously the hurts I’d created had got in the way.
With other people I still have to work on what you so beautifully say, ‘It is now possible for me to offer my assistance and true care without the entanglement and emotional attachment.’ What’s wonderful to feel is this as a potential I can choose.
Anon in my way of seeing it is that we can let our individual personal needs and beliefs about how someone should love us get in our way especially when it comes to family members and so we can close down because we feel rejected, when actually love is right there for us if we choose. As you shared that your father is open and welcoming to everyone he meets, how awesome is that !
Yes, Luke, touch sure is an “essential part of human interaction” as it connects us in a way so that the bodies communicate which is usually far more real than any conversation unless we are speaking a truth that comes from the body, not the mind, in which case we can ‘touch’ people with our words.
Agree, its time to re-educate people of what touch actually is because it is such an important part of our lives. Also in the absence of loving touch we rise more of in appropriate touching because people are so starved of it.
Yes katechorley, that struck me too how Yasmin was so accepting of her mum and the situation she was in and she was just there to support her without wanting any outcome. And when we don’t impose on another they then feel free to express.
Yasmin, how beautiful for your mum to experience the loving touch of your massage and that it enabled you to have ‘heart-to-heart communication’. It would have reassured her that all was well, enough for her to reconnect to her memory of you as her daughter. Is it possible that she chose Dementia as a way of forgetting the unpleasant memories of the past? That would then bury the past so she could put off having to face it or deal with the hurts. Many folk seem to choose to check out in preference to facing their hurts – it’s a suffocating form of comfort which leads to Dementia and would explain why so many people suffer from this disease these days.
Wow – this blog blew me away, I know to be loving and caringly touched feels amazing, but this story really shows just how powerful touch can be.
Yasmin – this article shows to me the importance of touch and connection with others and how the physical is so important to support us not living in our heads all the time.
I have discovered that through Universal Medicine, connecting with the body has supported me to stop being in the mind and feel my body as a whole. In this, I can feel the responsibility I have to be constantly aware of my surroundings and other people.
Dementia has been expressed as a way of checking out or giving our responsibility away, but if we can make the connection with people and our bodies first and foremost, then perhaps we would see a huge difference in the rates of dementia today.
Yasmin what a beautiful journey of discovery of self and your mum. It’s a testament to never taking anything we do for granted. Also to be aware of the little things. l absolutely adore the elderly. They are mostly so gentle, surrendered and innocent. l find myself just wanting to hug them and love them up. It’s difficult to witness dementia in the elderly. l do feel l go into sympathy. Your blog reminds me to see beyond sympathy into a truer connection. lt affirms that this is possible.
There is such wisdom in allowing another to be exactly where their choices have led them, without judgement and with compassion and understanding.
This is so beautiful Yasmine. It is a beautiful reminder that we do not need words to communicate, especially with someone who is finding words and meanings difficult.
This is a lovely blog Yasmin which reminds me that it’s not only touch, but that the quality of a loving touch that’s important..
Abuse is the result of accumulation of holding back expressing what is going for us to the point that it becomes too much and a person can become physically abusive to others .
Thank you Yasmin, this is a gem that I hadn’t come across before. I did not know of this story with your mother and I can see how clearly you have a strong connection to offering the great service you do for the elderly. It is your touch that supports many to reconnect to the warmth and love of themselves and true communication. Absolutely powerful.
Yasmin, you have beautifully described the differences between being attached to the outcome with interactions with others or being able to detach with compassion. This has been a tricky process for me to grasp as I have oscillated over the years between getting too involved or withdrawal as a form of disapproval or self protection. Thank you – after reading this blog I have a renewed sense of communicating with others from a place of openness which doesn’t intrude yet is clearly accepting and loving.
What you offer here and in your presentation is true revelation Yasmin. To nurture and develop an understanding of what it is to truly live with self-love brings a deeper understanding to what true love is – and in this there is no responsibility to fix others or sympathise. Just hold the other in this true love, in an allowing and acceptance. What a gift for a person to receive.
I was so deeply touched reading and feeling the power of the communication you reignited with your mother. An inspiration. Thank you Yasmin.
Yasmin,what a gift you are to the residents and the residential care facility you are working in. I have worked for many years in this health sector and the patients with dementia would seldom feel a connection like this. Non verbal communication is just as important and often more powerful than verbal but many carers struggle with this. The pure love you are bringing to them can be felt in your written expression.
A really example Yasmin of how gentle and tender touch can offer so much healing and break down the defences.. Deep down everybody craves intimacy and touch no matter how distant or guarded some people may appear.
Yes Joe, it’s true that ” everybody craves intimacy” and it is hard for someone to open up if there is any imposition felt. This blog just goes to show that if we can let go of wanting any outcome we can touch someone deeply if we truly connect to ourselves and our understanding of humanity. They may not show outward signs but it will register somewhere in them.
Yasmin thank you for sharing your experience so beautifully. Working in aged care, I too, am very aware of the power and importance of loving touch. As an AIN In a Nursing Home, because of the pressure of the workload, one can all too easily become task orientated, moving swiftly from one residents care to the next without focus on the true quality of service and presence being provided. By staying present, connecting, and consciously touching the residents with gentle, tender sensitivity a foundation of safety and trust is created from which, as you indicated Yasmin, miraculously beautiful things can unfold not just for the resident but for all.
Beautiful Yasmin. I can’t help but relate the concept of nursing homes, where you feel for your mother ‘the only physical contact was to assist her in everyday personal care needs’, to studies that the effect regimented and not so nurturing orphanages had on the long term brain activity of the children that lived in this type of residence.
We all need and deserve to be nurtured throughout our lives but it is quite obviously particularly important at the start and end of our life when we are at our most vulnerable. I love the title of your blog, in fact ‘re-connecting through touch’ should be considered an actual program to be implemented in some way in real life…?
For a long time Dementia was something that I approached with the need to change and cure it. Simply because I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. What I felt was that there was a mentality of not wanting to cope with life and hurts behind Dementia. To see that in a whole generation in Germany, not wanting to deal with our history of the Second World War, was difficult to swallow. Now after some time as a student of Universal Medicine I have understanding, deal with my own hurts, cope with life – so I don’t have to blame others anymore.
Yasmin, thank you for sharing the importance of gentle loving touch especially for those who have lost a connection with themselves. Equally important is for the carer to care for themselves and not get exhausted and drained by sympathy. Having compassion and respect for where a person is at allows a carer to offer a gentle loving hand or arm massage without being drawn into any neediness to ‘make them better’. just offering a connection through touch is a beautiful healing.
Thank you for sharing Rebecca and it is lovely to hear how your clients start to relax and enjoy the gentle care once they trust you but sad that this is not generally the norm.
‘I can accept that the person is exactly where they are on their own journey, just as I am, and there is no way I would want to interfere with their process, change them or provide a safety mattress to prevent them from feeling where they are at; nothing to fix, simply, I love them just the way they are and they can feel that, too.’ Thank you Yasmin this is just what I needed to read this morning and be reminded that all I need to do is love someone just as they are.
This is beautiful Yasmin, demonstrating that by expressing your love through the gentle touch that there is no need for words.
Yasmin, thank you for sharing this lovely blog. I love how you present the power of touch and deep connection this allow us with others , indeed very healing.
Yasmin your experience with offering another way to connect with your mother is truly lovely to read. It affirms for me how powerful loving touch is for all of us.
Yasmin, thank you for showing the way to connection again after separation due to illness or disease. A truly beautiful sharing of your own personal journey with Dementia in the your family, and the power of touch.
What a beautiful encouraging sharing, how you can be with someone, who is having dementia. It is really touching to here, that only a “simple” touch and massaging had such an effect- we always think, we need to do so much, although the simple connecting gestures are the moste effecting ones.
Awesome Yasmin, this is a great snap shot of what a loving touch can do for another. To offer this without getting anything in return (by removing the emotionality of it all), makes this truly serving to another.
The kind of carer you have been able to become with the support of Universal Medicine is so beautiful and so very rare. Many carers do not have a foundation of loving self-care for themselves and this lack in nurturing themselves can be seen in the quality of nurture they offer another that sadly does not provide the true care needed or the connection that is craved.
I agree Samantha , having a foundation of self-care makes a profound difference in the the quality of service you provide especially when caring for another as you develop a true connection that evolves all.
Yasmin this was beautiful to read and a great reminder of how we can touch another to support them when they are ill, sick or have dementia and how power-full it is. Yesterday I was in hospital where my niece has had major surgery, she had just come out of ICU and my immediate response was to touch her, especially her hands, this blog was a great confirmation of what I felt.
Thank you Yasmin it is beautiful to read how you accept where someone else is on their journey. I work a lot with elderly people myself and I know when I come home exhausted I have stepped in the idea that I have to help them, read change them. When I am connected with me I do not have this reaction I can accept and be with them just the way they are.
Thank you Yasmin such a beautiful sharing – Recently with an elderly family member I gave a gently hug too his response could be felt with resistance and a hardness in his body and a hard patting on my back, this told me so much about him. over time and shared conversations it is now possible to hug in a much different way. As you share the power of touch is amazing.
What you share here Yasmin is beautiful in that it shows the true healing that can occur when we connect to others with both touch and compassion. I can feel it allows the other to be and heal in their own time and in their own way, no expectation just being a facilitator to allow them to open up to the healing they choose to connect to for themselves. What a beautiful and supportive way to be.
Hello Yasmin, thank you for this beautiful blog. It feels like the choice you made to use the hand lotion to reconnect to your mum had an unexpected outcome. Through this experience you were able to live more fully connected to yourself and then a more true a full connection with all others. The foundation that was set in the loving choices you were making by attending sessions with Serge Benhayon and other Universal Practitioners built a solid foundation to also support this. The Choices we make are very powerful in the living of our lives.
Thank you Yasmin and Ch1956, I very much agree that touch plays an important part in communicating with people who are very sick, ill or in dementia, and as well for healthy people. My wife has had at least 4 near death encounters, so for me touch in the form of foot massage and hand massage have played an important part in her recoveries. In death, touch can also play an important part, as I just recently held my mothers wrist with loving support as she passed over very gently.
Greg this is beautiful confirming sharing here about how a gentle hand or foot massage can play an important part in recoveries and how you only needed to hold your mothers wrists as she passed over allowing her to feel supported without ‘holding’ on to her. Developing a foundation of self-care brings a quality and true connection that evolves all.
So true Yasmin, to feel the tender loving touch that has no aspect of holding-on or imposing, truly allows us all to evolve or return to the true sons of God we are all equally so!
Your beautiful sharing confirms the power of gentle loving touch. It was lovely to read how you were able to re-connect with your mother with gentle hand massages, “..and our new relationship had begun through gentle loving touch that would re-connect us to ourselves, each other and the harmony within.”
Yes that is true Ariana, my mother also has dementia and it is my own experience that staying present is important – it is not only good for me – it is also very good for my mother.
‘Dementia may take away many memories, yet the love we shared was alive and well.’ Thank you for sharing this in a previous comment Yasmin. I had a similar experience with my mother. It is amazing how sometimes people with dementia are cast aside as if they are no longer able to communicate, or perhaps more often, how we assume that what we communicate will not be understood by them. It is vital that we never give up on love, for that is always there ready and awaiting if we allow ourselves to connect to it.
Thanks, Yasmin, it is very freeing to read this blog and feel how simple and loving it is possible to be when we let go of any expectations or needs in a relationship and allow another to be where they are at without judgement.
I am deeply touched by your story Yasmin Lang, the way you connect with your mother feels so true, warm and full of joy and love. Thank you for reminding me of this way of communication with people, through touch and massage. It is a way that I do not often use, but I know the power of it, as your story so clearly confirms.
Yasmin, your experiences will inspire many, non verbal communication is so powerful, I loved reading your story.
Careful Yasmine I was drawn to read your blog because my mother has dementia as well. It is very inspiring to read about your experience and I am going to offer this wonderful massages for my mother as well – so thank you so much for sharing this.
Such a beautiful story Yasmin, thank you
I am reminded of my own fragile, vulnerable Mother who, in the end, barely recognised anyone.
However she had great love in her eyes when touched or hugged by a family member; a wonderful moment of connection.
Thank you for sharing with us the moments you shared with your mother and how touch can reach people who are suffering with dementia.
I too have experienced my fathers dementia and I was very intrigued to read how your mother responded to your touch. It was so lovely to read how you both reconnected this way.
‘Not many words were needed to communicate and yet, we were communicating heart to heart in a true way’ … so beautiful Yasmin and confirmation that we are all constantly communicating with each other, whether we use words or not. How lovely that you were able to calm and reassure your mother through touch, sharing your full self with her in that way, and bring her back to her loveliness.
Yasmin, I love how the connection with your mother was remembered through loving touch. I can only begin to imagine the horrors that she witnessed and how through living through the Great Depression and War that many around her would have been living in constant fear of their lives, how this reality would have deeply influenced how they interacted with others. My feeling is that there would have been a constant feeling of suspicion running with people, a deep rooted reason to not trust. For your mother to feel the trust and love that has always been inside of her, when you massaged her hands is the most beautiful healing. How something so very simple can support so many people is truly a gift to all.
That is true Leigh, to even begin to imagine some of the horrors of war. My mother shared with me about living a lot of her adolescent years under an air raid shelter, she was always nervous and on edge and we were always under suspicion as kids. Trust was something to be broken and there was often a great distance between us. Many years later when she was suffering from Dementia,we shared a bond together through knitting as this is what she enjoyed to do under the shelter. Whenever she lost her ‘thread’ and looked at me puzzled, I would take the knitting over as we joyfully smiled at each and then I would pass it back to her and away she would go again. Dementia may take away many memories, yet the love we shared was alive and well.
Wow Yasmin what a beautiful sharing. Yes, the power of a loving touch certainly shines through in this journey in re-connecting with your Mum. ‘Not many words were needed to communicate and yet, we were communicating heart to heart in a true way, and our new relationship had begun through a gentle loving touch that would re-connect us to ourselves, each other and the harmony within.’ – I love what you have said here. I have also experienced how a loving touch, that is truly nurturing and supportive, allows you to feel held which then naturally invites us to connect to our bodies, and feel our stillness within. Regardless of where we are at a loving touch is something we can all recognise.
Hi Yasmin, I loved reading how you were able to be with people, and accept them for exactly who they are and where they are at – not wanting to change or fix them but just being with them. I feel this is so important that we are able to remain ourselves otherwise it can feel imposing on the other person as well that we need them to be different. Thank you for sharing
Beautiful Yasmin, so lovely and heart felt to read and feel your words. To just be loving and accept where people are at is a wonderful reflection. Thank you.
This shows how much people get estranged from their own body and how touch is so important to reconnect. I notice that myself, how a tender touch can help me to feel my heart and my vulnerability.
It has taken me a long time to relearn how beneficial my own tender touch can be to help me reconnect.
This is beautiful and shows how powerful a loving touch can be.
Yasmin a touching and inspiring story of love and true service, showing that communication goes far beyond being familial blood line recognition, or one dimensional but instead spherical in its ‘words’. Through physical touch your communication was heard, felt and appreciated on another dimensional level, its power that cannot be denied.
Thank you Yasmin for sharing your beautiful and touching story about re-connecting with your mother; it has been a fear of mine that my father might get dementia and I would loose contact with him. I feel now that there is a deep connection possible through touch. And we communicate on many levels and how healing that is, when we let go of our fears and hurts, it’s what we all yearn for. That gentle loving touch, that asks for nothing in return and is un-imposing, simply holding the other in equal-ness.
It’s amazing how simple acts can make such a big difference. Before my grandmother died I sat with her in the nursing home and trimmed her toe nails. She had dementia and was also resistant to touch, isolated and carrying many hurts from her life. It was beautiful to sit there with her and offer this gesture. Her whole being changed, her face lightened, she remembered me, she relaxed and accepted many old things in those moments. It continually amazes and delights me, that the simplest acts of love, as presented by Universal Medicine, can make such a big difference.
So true Lisa, simple acts of love can bring so much more and can make so much difference …
Yasmine what a blessing you give to your clients in your care and the support you are for their families and carers. With your personal experiences both with your Mum and with your understanding of self-care you have much to offer.
How beautiful to see that your mother responded to your loving touch my massaging her hand. My mother also suffered from dementia and was in a nursing home until she passed over. The way I expressed my love to her was through gentle massage also. At first she resisted it, but then she found it to calm her and bring her back into her body.
A loving touch is so simple to give but profound in what it can bring when there is no attachment or need from the other.
Yasmin what you have written is so important in so many aspects. A gentle touch can make such a difference to peoples lives, as we get older we loose the connection to touch as life takes over, and we forget how a simple gentle loving touch can make such a difference. it was lovely to read how your mother saw the bottle and said “yes please” knowing that she had felt something that she had not felt in a long time when you massaged her hand. The other aspect is the importance of the carers looking after themselves. If they are burnt out or exhausted then caring becomes a function and not a loving connection with the person they are caring for.
So true Alison, when the carers are not looking after themselves they become exhausted; disconnection or cold detachment becomes a survival mechanism and a hardening up, which not only affects others, it makes it almost impossible to let anyone else in.
Yasmin that was beautiful to read, what an amazing discovery you found with your mother. I can feel how touch could open up a whole new world for me. I can see how closed I am to touch and how that has kept me separate from people I love. It is an important part of expression and one I am looking forward to unlocking more of.
WOW – it really is the simple loving things in life that make all the difference. This blog about the power of loving touch, is very, very touching itself.
When around older people, with or without dementia, I almost always touch their hands when I connect and speak to them. Touching someone’s hands is a very intimate gesture and I realise now I would love to make this a playful and natural part of my expression.
This is so inspiring Yasmin. How your mother responded and surrendered to touch after being so anxious to begin with.
That’s gorgeous. It’s amazing what gentle touch can do… It is a gesture that is so loved by many but I reckon is not done enough. For example when I rub my siblings backs they always feel loved, care for and considered. There was one example where my housemate had a very bad headache that had been with her for a week, she was lying on her bed and I came in and offered to massage her feet with Esoteric Massage Cream. She enjoyed it so much and said not long after I had started massaging “you know, while your massaging my feet, my headache is going away… it’s so relieving because I have had it all week.” A miracle? the power of gentle touch.
Thank you Yasmin – It serves me as a gentle reminder of not getting weighed down with other peoples ways of dealing with their life’s choices. The gift we have of the “nurturing touch” is beautiful as a way of connecting to others.
Hi Yasmin
What a beautiful blog about being lovingly detached and re-connecting. You are a true gift for all in your profession and the world.
A beautiful and touching article Yasmin thank you. That your Mum felt your presence and essence through your touch is beautiful, she could understand through conversation but could feel you and recognise you when you massaged her gently. It really is testament that everything is felt and that there is always a way that we can connect with another.
Touch is so vital in everyone’s life and your question “Could it be that we have become so very far removed from safe and nurturing touch, and especially so, as we grow older?” is needed. A lot of elderly people I see in my work as a community nurse have difficulties to accept a gentle touch when I care for them.
Annelies, so true, as I become more aware of that a gentle nurturing touch it is difficult to accept for the elderly. After a hand and arm massage one woman who’s husband passed over many years ago,shared with me as the tears came to her eyes,”I have never felt anything like that since the touch I felt from my husband,” she felt the sadness and Joy. She was peaceful when I left.
How beautiful to share and express your love in this way. Very inspiring Yasmin, you are beautiful.
Loving touch can say so much, possibly more than the verbal communication at times.
How amazing you are Jasmin and how Wonderful would it be if every person in your position had the compassion & understanding you do.
Yasmin, I really love this blog and the nurturing way you communicated with your mum, allowing her to feel herself again in the midst of a world that I can only imagine had no stillness whatsoever.
A wonderful blog Yasmin. It’s lovely how you describe the re-development of the relationship with your Mother through ‘..a gentle loving touch that would re-connect us to ourselves, each other and the harmony within.’ Just so beautiful for you both.
Such a beautiful blog Yasmin. The power of touch as a means of communication with your mother is truly gorgeous. Gentle massages are nurturing and healing, the loving energy of them requires no words.