When I was a child I was raised with a Christian belief, an evangelical and baptised catholic. My father wasn’t an active catholic but I could feel the destructive behaviours he used. As a consequence of his catholic upbringing he acted often out of guilt and shame. And so his decisions for himself and our family members did not stem from love.
My mother was raised evangelical, and my grandmother, a dedicated and ‘good’ Christian. Their Christian belief seemed to give them a comfort somehow, and a feeling that they were ok and life was ok.
In contrast to my father, my grandmother and mother were more consistent in their belief… they went regularly to church and seemed to be more balanced and harmonious within themselves. So my learning was that the evangelical system was good and the catholic was difficult. As a consequence, the different belief systems created separation in the family – not in an open battle, but very hidden, and constantly harming.
In my striving to also become a good Christian, I pushed myself to believe what my family and the church members believed. I wanted to be one of them, to belong to the church group and receive acceptance and recognition.
As part of my Christian belief and upbringing, I was taught that God was a being outside of me and I needed to ‘be good’ to win his love… and I needed ‘to do’ something in order to earn his love.
I was looking for security – to be accepted in heaven and on earth. The problem was that the secure feeling, “now I’m ok and accepted”, only appeared in short moments. My feeling of insecurity remained and even got worse.
On the other hand I had a deep connection to something true within me:
I had a different understanding of God… and one that did not always match the Christian belief I was raised in…
It never made sense for me that Jesus was not married. My feeling was that God loves everybody equally and that his love is not restricted to those who believe that Jesus is the only way.
I had and still have a deep connection to nature where I feel the reflection of God always – in contradiction of finding him only in a church.
Feeling so differently to what the Christian belief system was telling me gave me the impression I was strange. Thus my searching in the outside instead of trusting myself made life more complicated; I felt torn into two pieces. To not feel whole was a normal state for me.
Through choosing to constantly not trust me and my inner feelings, and instead to trust in something else which is not me, I ended up being ill.
My body was hard and numb and I felt very frustrated and exhausted.
At that time I came to know Universal Medicine.
The presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have allowed me to re-connect to myself. I have begun to trust my inner feelings once more. I have started to connect back with myself. My body has now recovered and I am learning to feel deeper and deeper who I am in truth.
I am constantly becoming more and more aware of what is truly going on and thus make choices out of love. This way of living creates feelings of joy, richness and preciousness in my body.
By Kerstin Salzer, Germany
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369 thoughts on “From Christian Belief and a Good Christian to Finding True Religion”
This is amazing and beautiful to read Kerstin, ‘The presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have allowed me to re-connect to myself. I have begun to trust my inner feelings once more. I have started to connect back with myself.’
“As part of my Christian belief and upbringing, I was taught that God was a being outside of me and I needed to ‘be good’ to win his love… and I needed ‘to do’ something in order to earn his love.” Wow, this is in direct contrast to the truth I now know from within me, that my essence is love and when I’m connected to that I’m naturally connected to God – nothing to do but just be together.
“I was looking for security – to be accepted in heaven and on earth” – this feels very important. To be accepted both in heaven and on earth, we bring in compromise and make a deal, as our reality says that they are two very different things. But what if it was in not making compromise that we bring heaven to earth?
A true connection with God gives us the most glorious way of living so we can live as the Soul would on earth and as a Soul-full being we are the Living Sons of God on earth.
Our connection with God, can be through nature, ‘I had and still have a deep connection to nature where I feel the reflection of God always – in contradiction of finding him only in a church.’
To develop a connection with yourself where you trust your instinct and more so, you are certain in your knowing is more precious than anything a priest, a rabbi or an imam can give you.
History clearly shows that beliefs and belief systems separate one from another. When we reconnect to ourselves and to God within us we feel the love that unites us all.
Belief systems can be very misleading, ‘I was taught that God was a being outside of me and I needed to ‘be good’ to win his love… and I needed ‘to do’ something in order to earn his love.’
To do ‘good’ is laced with feeling better about oneself; there is not one drop of love for another as it comes from self and nothing but self.
“I have begun to trust my inner feelings once more. I have started to connect back with myself. My body has now recovered and I am learning to feel deeper and deeper who I am in truth.” This is so beautiful to read. Returning to the Ageless Wisdom has enabled me to return to who I truly am also – along with many other students.
I personally don’t feel that we have any idea of the poison that is harbored in our bodies because of the association we have had with various religions over the many lifetimes we have been here on this plane of life. We get caught up in the dogma of the teachings and because we are energetic beings, the energy of the dogma stays with us into our next life/lives. This is my experience based on the energy of the Roman Catholic Church I have been clearing from my body which has capped me from feeling the truth of who I truly am.
We do not need to find God, we simply need to live him, which simply means living the godliness we are and are from.
Being a “good” anything, whether that is a “good” girl/boy, Christian, atheist, citizen etc will never help us to evolve. Evolution can only occur if we are true to ourselves.
As I am discovering after ‘trying’ to be a ‘good student’. No more! Being true to ourselves feels so important.
Honouring who we are, and being true to ourselves is key, ‘My body has now recovered and I am learning to feel deeper and deeper who I am in truth.’
Agreed Elizabeth, it begs to question every movement made from ‘doing good;’ if they do not come from our body then where do they come from?
Why are we trying to be good, what are we seeking, ‘I wanted to be one of them, to belong to the church group and receive acceptance and recognition.’
The choice to reconnect with the inner heart is one to connect with the all.
When a religion makes a person feel either guilt and shame I wonder if is it kind of shameful in itself as we all make mistakes. What is important is that we take full responsibility for our mistakes and imperfections and in that process also master the art of learning from them.
Guilt and shame, the ‘gift’ of poison from man made religion that keeps on giving… and giving… and circulating amongst us all. On the topic of taking responsibility for our mistakes this would be a good one for religions to own up on and correct. The eradication of guilt and shame would be a very true healing for humanity, but why wait for religion to instigate this, as we can each begin our own healing by eradicating it out of our lives now.
It is important to keep on learning, we all make mistakes, are we open to learning from these mistakes?
The world is full of people practicing various religions but we still have corruption, hatred, wars etc. Could it be that we have been fooled and that true religion starts with our relationship with ourselves and once that is established then we live in a very different way than we do now.
Yes I recognise this guilt and shame thing that still sometimes influences my decisions in life, a hangover from a religious upbringing long left behind but the tendrils of it still linger and when I do make choices in my life based on guilt and shame things feel narrow, squashed and limited and there is a great tension in my body. When I make choices simply based on what feels loving and what does not, things feel far simpler and definitely less tension involved!
Kerstin your story confirms we have everything inside us.
The amount of love lived is the amount of love claimed, walked and breathed. Great examples of people living in this way is our student body, for sure the Benhayon family holds their quality of love if not always than almost all the time consistantly. Inspiring they are, so we can all choose to live.
Mainstream religions rely on obedience even it appears to me in the face of absurdity. I cannot understand how any woman is part of mainstream religions, it must be that the desire to be a part of something in the community is greater than common sense. Female Genital Mutilation is such a case, where a societal pressure is so great woman upon woman inflicts the worst pain on their own children. All I know is this has nothing to do with God and everything to do with man.
We are taught that we ought to apologise for ourselves – when in the end the only thing to regret is not backing your beautiful heart 100% of the way.
Can looking outside of ourselves to gain comfort or to feel we are okay ever bring true security inside? I have tried it and it is a big fat no, I only felt more needy and more scared and timid, or I had to bring in the yucky energy of righteousness and think I’m better than everyone else, neither feels truly settling. So I started to look within and the kingdom of heaven is already there.
How does a god un-god themselves? By creating a belief system that exists entirely outside the realm of the inner heart (the Kingdom of God that lives within us) and then reducing and contracting themselves in order to ‘fit into’ these imposed beliefs. From here the amnesia is guaranteed as the god forgets he/she is a god and learns to play ‘only human’ instead.
And what could be more ungodly, religion that contains all the right sounding words but not the essence of God.
There is a belief that in order to connect to God you need to go to church every Sunday and on religious occasions throughout the year, however I have found that my connection to God is through my innermost, and I know from that connection that God walks beside me everyday even on the days I am so distracted that I don’t notice His presence, He is always there.
I always noticed people around me talking and believing in a way about God which I knew not to be the truth. My relationship with God was always strong, even when I hid that for a while I was involved in spirituality.
Since studying with Universal Medicine, I have woken up and claimed back my truth about my deep knowing and relationship with God.
I never understood how God could just love Christians either! It doesn’t make sense to paint God with our version of “love” where you can “love” one person and hate another without considering that God’s love could be much grander than any love we’ve ever experienced. I know when I feel love – true love – I’m in love with everyone and the whole world – there is no part that that love cannot reach. Now imagine what God can do…
We are love, we are here to be love, ‘make choices out of love. This way of living creates feelings of joy, richness and preciousness in my body.’
I find it fascinating how there is very little if any bodywork in the popular organised religions of today, because how is a person to know God, if they are not supported to know their body first?
It’s actually the complete opposite in some religions, such as denying the body in many ways by living in an austere and sometimes harsh way, by being celibate, doing long meditations in postures that are comfortable, not eating well by begging for foods…. the body is generally seen as unimportant to our connection to God and in some religions it is seen as dirty (if you have your period or are a woman) and sinful or shameful. What I have learnt is the more I care for my body with love the more I am in connection with the love I am as a soul and the love that God is – bodily self care is very religious indeed.
Loving and nurturing our body, is taking care of our divine particles.
I think it’s great to recognise when we are overriding what we truly feel in order to instead seek recognition or acceptance from others, to fit into a group by just enjoining whatever the predominating energy is rather than being there or being with others whilst also being true to who we really are or really sense.
The truth is that we do already belong, to a divine magnificence and a oneness that is Gods love, as this is in essence of who we are. As Sons of God our relationship with Him is ever-present and accessible through being and surrendering to our connection to our Soul. As when we live guided by the impulse of our Soul we then live religiously with whatever we do, and this quality of Livingness is equally accessible and available to each and every one of us regardless of our culture, race, gender or age.
We have a deep seated need to belong, which is only apparent because we have separated from the whole we are from – hence the pull to know something is wrong. We go searching for who ‘we’ are, all the while we are waiting for us to come back and look inside where we are waiting all along! It is a silly story when you consider how far and wide and how much money we have spent on our quest to find ourselves!
Yes it is all the different ideals and beliefs that keep us from knowing the simplicity that we can connect with our divinity in ourselves and thorough nature easily if we just choose to.