Spiritual Searching – I Too was Seduced

I have learned in my recent journeys, despite 25 years of spiritual searching, that the true book of wisdom I sought was in fact inside me all along. Back then I had no awareness that there were indeed two different energies that I could choose to align with – one being truly Divine (the soul consciousness) and the other from the Astral plane (the spiritual consciousness), so from my chosen ignorance I played and cavorted heartily with that energy that took me even further away from my Soul.

It was about twenty five years ago when I was feeling very sad and hollow inside – and unbeknownst to me without true connection to myself, the true me – that I soon allowed an energy in to fill the empty space within me.

Back then I had wrung my hands in despair, feeling bereft of anything truly meaningful. I was living in a magnificent home in the country, had an amazing family and all I could possibly want on a physical level, yet there was such an emptiness and sadness I could not explain. The feeling was of worthlessness – what was the point of my existence? “There has to be something else!!” I cried to the heavens.

It started innocuously with a series of coincidences. I was suddenly aware of ‘other things’: hearing a clairvoyant on the radio, fascinating interviews on the television with people who ‘spoke’ to aliens and dead people, those who were able to ‘see’ personal details and medical conditions and those who had conversations with God.

These all caused an emotional reaction in me – “I can do that” I thought. At that time I found it to be exciting, thrilling, and invited in me an emotive response that there actually was ‘something else’ out there. Little did I know I was embarking on a spiritual journey that was going to take me even further away from the true me — my soul.

I met many folk who like me, didn’t realise that there were two different energies to choose from: the spirit which is the separated aspect of the soul, or the soul which is our true connection to God – and so came from ignorance or emptiness too. I was attending ‘lightworkers’ conferences, learning many spiritual new-age modalities, became what they call a reiki master, dabbled in most of what was on offer from the spiritual consciousness, and was sought after on a small scale to lead in guided meditations, speaking to dead relatives for bereaved folk, channelling the ‘masters’ at an across the country destination with the air-fare paid for by others, and even produced a book that I laboured over – a book of ‘loving words’, or so it seemed at the time. It was all so stimulating – I was being drawn in seductively and was hooked.

There was always another modality to try – “maybe this one has the real truth,” I thought. Even though all these modalities entranced me and excited me I had a deeper knowing that there was still ‘something else’ that I was missing. Somehow I knew I still hadn’t found that piece of the puzzle that had thus far eluded me, but at that time the illusion had me in its grip.

It’s interesting to note that I was constantly working with my mind – not ‘feeling’ from within or listening to my true antenna, my body.

As time passed there was a new/different healer in town – “you must meet this guy – he’s really cool” my fellow new-age followers would say. Interestingly, my human spirit was resistant – “Why do I need to meet this guy? After all I’ve just channelled and produced a book of loving words.”

For several weeks the resistance was strong, questioning why I ought to go and listen to him. The belief in ‘signs’ was important in the spiritual new age movement, so when a white van passed me at a round-a-bout with the one word written in huge letters diagonally up the side of the van ‘S E R G E’, it seemed this was a sign so I made an appointment to introduce myself to Serge Benhayon.

That was when my life began to turn around; slowly at first because of how far away from true love and my heart centre I had travelled in the previous 8-9 years. Something happened that day. I wasn’t sure what it was.

I made a decision to seek within a little more honestly.

I was in a mild state of bewilderment… for the first time in so long I felt something that I had not felt maybe ever before in this lifetime, and that was that I was ‘met’.

At that point I had the awareness that indeed I had been dabbling in the darker energies – not of true Light or Love at all. What was I to do – how many people had I harmed along the way?

Instead of just going “Whoops!!! I was mistaken,” I descended into remorse and regret, afraid and ashamed to face anyone. My trust in myself dissolved, my trust in all that I thought I knew collapsed – I reacted and hid for quite some time seeing only the shame of having been so gullible, so open to deceit, with the fear of being deceived again still raw.

Why do we tend to look outside of ourselves when we believe we are in such a place of desolation? Why do we believe that someone/something out there knows more than each one of us knows intrinsically deep inside? Why do we not choose to look within to where all is known in every cell of our body?

However, the sun did shine again and the trust has returned now as I write these words. Through listening to my body and the innate love that lies within, I can acknowledge that I was inspired by the love that Serge Benhayon has for all humanity, and by Universal Medicine as being the vehicle or means by which this True Love is now made manifest.

How could I have believed through all my spiritual searching that at any level I was being en-light-ened when the body grew heavier and heavier, leaving me 20 kilos overweight? It is indeed revealing when we return to our true book of loving words and the wisdom within, that book being our body; after all, it is the marker of truth for each one of us.

By Roberta, Gold Coast, Australia

757 thoughts on “Spiritual Searching – I Too was Seduced

  1. A very powerfully honest blog Roberta thank you. The pride we bump up against when faced with the truth can be a source of devastating stubbornness, in that we keep on with what we know deep down is not true with a doggedness that digs at us deep. Thankfully in your case you not only let go of this pride, but also didn’t lose yourself in the flagellation of what you were once part of. Universal Medicine and the modalities offered are like no other when it comes to restoring yourself from such wayward ventures into the spiritual new age.

  2. Oh boy as I relate to the feelings of excitement and stimulation as I too embarked on a spiritual journey do I thank God and myself that I got myself out of it; that I listened to the feelings that were constantly communicating with me ‘this is not it… there is more’.

  3. Roberta I too allowed myself to be seduced by the spiritual new age – and what a seductive path it is! Your description of it is perfect. Your reference to the state of your body at this time is important too. So many of the spiritual teachers and gurus I met, if not all, were far from healthy and vital. While I knew on some level this was less than ideal, and was reflecting their inner reality, I overrode my concerns and continued to go with glamour rather than truth.

  4. A very honest blog. Similar to my own story, except I didn’t go into regret, I just said; ‘Oops’ and got on with unraveling the spiritual life that I had built up. Perhaps that is something to do with the fact that even while I was working with the astral energy I always felt that something was still amiss, and I kept searching until I found Universal Medicine and the way home to myself. Now I search no more.

  5. What I find so very amazing is the lengths we will go to not feel our bodies and take many different avenues, cobbled paths, mountains etc to negate our natural universal intelligence of who we are and the wisdom we hold. This just highlights how truly powerful we are and how beautiful it is to return to the inner wisdom we bestow. What we learn on our journey back, also shows us the path of our return and much more to appreciate on where we have come from. A very inspiring blog Roberta thank you.

  6. Love your point about the body and how it seemed to have no place in any of your seeking as All was coming from the mind. It seems all we are searching for is a true and deep connection with our body without taking any honesty or willingness to be real and true with our choices in life.

  7. Wow Roberta, how often or much do we ‘think’ we have it? The many different flavours offering us any range of extent of delights, identifications and pleasures. It’s all the same coming from the one source of separation.
    ‘IT’ was ‘IT’ when I was presented with the truth that there are 2 x different sources to establish life from, that brought ‘IT’ truth home. I still dabble in the ‘delight’ of its me who is thinking – when what comes to me is not mine to own – so I have a choice what I will own. The more and more I let what love is inside, that is not for me but for every man that walks this earth, the more I appreciate myself and where I truly come from.

  8. Not knowing is a responsibility but being love is also a responsibility. So in the process of not knowing are we still able to hold ourselves in love? Responsibility is very cool.

  9. the true book of wisdom I sought was in fact inside me all along.” The Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon can be read as absolute truth within our body.

  10. It is becoming clear to me, a great marker in my body that anything that stimulates and excites me I am not coming from love. I have left my body placing everything on that which is outside of me and worse thinking that it is greater than the stillness within even if it temporarily. Living in stimulation also exposes the self as when I am living in the connection to myself I am at one with the universe and there cannot be anything but the stillness and connection to everything and everyone. I am expansive and there is no more small, contracted individual self.

  11. It is very seductive when somebody says; “I have all the answers” and especially so when they can back this up to some degree. However, this claim always seems to disappear under closer scrutiny except when the answer is “you have all the answers yourself as well – already!”.

  12. I love the true book being the body – the marker of all truth. That’s a book I’m absolutely willing to read and listen to.

  13. Wow Roberta this brings shivers down my spine when I once embarked on similar journeys with spiritual gurus. But at the back of my mind there was always something missing or niggling at me, I always felt an imposter.

    It was only when I met Serge Benhayon did this niggle stop niggling at me and through his presentations I know I have it all, its just hidden with ideals, beliefs and cultural influences. I’m learning its equally within me and no other person knows anymore than me.

  14. Within us all lies a restlessness that reminds us constantly of the fact that we are so much more. There comes a point in everyone’s journey where this restlessness can no longer be covered by our every day life, activities, emotions and distractions and the search begins. On this path of return we will find a plethora of seducers that tell they are it, to look no further. But in the end, however long or short the journey, all will find their way back to the truth of who they are.

  15. Today when i read a line such as “I have learned in my recent journeys, despite 25 years of spiritual searching, that the true book of wisdom I sought was in fact inside me all along.” I am like, of course that makes sense. But reverse back pre meeting Serge and I would have thought that was crazy, how would I, the person that was deeply discontented with life have the answers. Fast forward to a number of years of healing the various hurts and issues that I have had and in clarity, I know the truth was and is not only inside me and has been all along but is equally inside everyone else.

  16. I’ve come to recognise my body as a true marker or antenna as you say (love that analogy!) for discerning if something really sits true with me or not. It’s something that I’m continually learning with and fine tuning but I can honestly say that listening to my whole body brings me back to a sense of harmony that I know to be true and from that I have a marker to correspond with all else in life.

  17. I got really caught up in New Age spirituality in a similar way Roberta, yet after years of it I had to say that my life still didn’t work, I still couldn’t explain the misery and emptiness inside, and after years of searching and finding temporary relief, if not distraction, I was in a much worse place by the end of it all. This is because I felt such a lack of trust and almost like giving up. I came to realise that nothing I did, read, or attended had worked for me. When I found out about Serge I had a very strong pull to travel interstate to meet him, but I had also decided that this was the last stop because I could not bear another thing that lacked substance and did not work. I’m talking about decades of exploring and searching before attending Universal Medicine workshops. That was 2012 and since that time I have not looked back, the healing, care and support provided by Serge and his work has allowed me to completely change my life. Serge Benhayon is absolutely the real deal.

  18. The seeking of selfishness is no accident but is something we go for because it seems to stop us missing love. Anything to take the hurt away it seems – but Roberta you make it so clear these false answers hurt and harm us way more, cementing the reasons we have to be sad.

  19. There were so many of us seduced by the tantalising offerings of the spiritual new age, mainly because we were living with an emptiness from the choices we had been making in our lives and simply wanted to be given the answers to the questions that were overflowing from us. Unfortunately, most, including me, accepted what we were offered without question and ended up more empty and more lost than we originally were, such were the lies that we were being fed and eagerly took into our lives.

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