Spiritual Searching – I Too was Seduced

I have learned in my recent journeys, despite 25 years of spiritual searching, that the true book of wisdom I sought was in fact inside me all along. Back then I had no awareness that there were indeed two different energies that I could choose to align with – one being truly Divine (the soul consciousness) and the other from the Astral plane (the spiritual consciousness), so from my chosen ignorance I played and cavorted heartily with that energy that took me even further away from my Soul.

It was about twenty five years ago when I was feeling very sad and hollow inside – and unbeknownst to me without true connection to myself, the true me – that I soon allowed an energy in to fill the empty space within me.

Back then I had wrung my hands in despair, feeling bereft of anything truly meaningful. I was living in a magnificent home in the country, had an amazing family and all I could possibly want on a physical level, yet there was such an emptiness and sadness I could not explain. The feeling was of worthlessness – what was the point of my existence? “There has to be something else!!” I cried to the heavens.

It started innocuously with a series of coincidences. I was suddenly aware of ‘other things’: hearing a clairvoyant on the radio, fascinating interviews on the television with people who ‘spoke’ to aliens and dead people, those who were able to ‘see’ personal details and medical conditions and those who had conversations with God.

These all caused an emotional reaction in me – “I can do that” I thought. At that time I found it to be exciting, thrilling, and invited in me an emotive response that there actually was ‘something else’ out there. Little did I know I was embarking on a spiritual journey that was going to take me even further away from the true me — my soul.

I met many folk who like me, didn’t realise that there were two different energies to choose from: the spirit which is the separated aspect of the soul, or the soul which is our true connection to God – and so came from ignorance or emptiness too. I was attending ‘lightworkers’ conferences, learning many spiritual new-age modalities, became what they call a reiki master, dabbled in most of what was on offer from the spiritual consciousness, and was sought after on a small scale to lead in guided meditations, speaking to dead relatives for bereaved folk, channelling the ‘masters’ at an across the country destination with the air-fare paid for by others, and even produced a book that I laboured over – a book of ‘loving words’, or so it seemed at the time. It was all so stimulating – I was being drawn in seductively and was hooked.

There was always another modality to try – “maybe this one has the real truth,” I thought. Even though all these modalities entranced me and excited me I had a deeper knowing that there was still ‘something else’ that I was missing. Somehow I knew I still hadn’t found that piece of the puzzle that had thus far eluded me, but at that time the illusion had me in its grip.

It’s interesting to note that I was constantly working with my mind – not ‘feeling’ from within or listening to my true antenna, my body.

As time passed there was a new/different healer in town – “you must meet this guy – he’s really cool” my fellow new-age followers would say. Interestingly, my human spirit was resistant – “Why do I need to meet this guy? After all I’ve just channelled and produced a book of loving words.”

For several weeks the resistance was strong, questioning why I ought to go and listen to him. The belief in ‘signs’ was important in the spiritual new age movement, so when a white van passed me at a round-a-bout with the one word written in huge letters diagonally up the side of the van ‘S E R G E’, it seemed this was a sign so I made an appointment to introduce myself to Serge Benhayon.

That was when my life began to turn around; slowly at first because of how far away from true love and my heart centre I had travelled in the previous 8-9 years. Something happened that day. I wasn’t sure what it was.

I made a decision to seek within a little more honestly.

I was in a mild state of bewilderment… for the first time in so long I felt something that I had not felt maybe ever before in this lifetime, and that was that I was ‘met’.

At that point I had the awareness that indeed I had been dabbling in the darker energies – not of true Light or Love at all. What was I to do – how many people had I harmed along the way?

Instead of just going “Whoops!!! I was mistaken,” I descended into remorse and regret, afraid and ashamed to face anyone. My trust in myself dissolved, my trust in all that I thought I knew collapsed – I reacted and hid for quite some time seeing only the shame of having been so gullible, so open to deceit, with the fear of being deceived again still raw.

Why do we tend to look outside of ourselves when we believe we are in such a place of desolation? Why do we believe that someone/something out there knows more than each one of us knows intrinsically deep inside? Why do we not choose to look within to where all is known in every cell of our body?

However, the sun did shine again and the trust has returned now as I write these words. Through listening to my body and the innate love that lies within, I can acknowledge that I was inspired by the love that Serge Benhayon has for all humanity, and by Universal Medicine as being the vehicle or means by which this True Love is now made manifest.

How could I have believed through all my spiritual searching that at any level I was being en-light-ened when the body grew heavier and heavier, leaving me 20 kilos overweight? It is indeed revealing when we return to our true book of loving words and the wisdom within, that book being our body; after all, it is the marker of truth for each one of us.

By Roberta, Gold Coast, Australia

805 thoughts on “Spiritual Searching – I Too was Seduced

  1. You mention the shame of realising we have been hoodwinked for so long. That makes so much sense and shame can be so debilitating, but I am realising we are the only ones who can take the step forward to choose not to be hoodwinked again. It is through our movement and our commitment and dedication to that movement that makes the difference in our awareness. We may get hoodwinked again, but it won’t be for long because the honesty of the body will let us know.

  2. There is such despair in not knowing who we are and in that despair we are open to manipulation and to being hooked to find an answer. They sound true, they sound like they make sense, but there is always a hook. It was only when I felt from my body the difference between the spirit and the soul that I could feel the distinct difference.

  3. The clarity and understanding with which Serge Benhayon presents on energy and the different sources of energy available made and still makes so much sense to me, it truly resonated in a way no other presenter that I’d met had.

  4. Reading this reminded me of how excited I was by people I met who spoke about spiritual stuff – at last I wasn’t alone in knowing there was more than the 9-5 drudgery I saw in people each day. But then I noticed how these people I met weren’t all present and this unnerved me. I also felt a deep despair that I would never connect to the more I knew had to exist because nothing made sense or had meaning. Meeting Serge Benhayon I knew then that what he presented was the real deal. No airy fairy, just true integrity. Now it’s about me living from the truth I know within in all aspects of my daily life – so I can do the 9-5 but that it is never a drag or a chore. Still much to work on but the purpose and meaning is definitely there!

  5. I have noticed that in many of the spiritual offerings around today, there is a notion being offered that the truth one seeks is inside of you, and many teachings, books and courses will offer to connect you with that place. So, it is in our current times that one must be especially astutely aware and discerning for what quality those teachings are in, and with what quality the person is presenting them in. Because only by this factor – astute discernment – are we actually able to see what is going to deliver us to the doors of our inner-heart and by contrast, what will only lead us further and further away from it – despite their shiny promises.

  6. Our body is indeed our true book of wisdom. Like you, Roberta, I look back at how I was before meeting Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and The Way of The Livingness, and wonder how I could have ever believed I was on the ‘right path’ when my body was increasingly becoming more over-weight and unhealthy? Yet at the same time I can, as the apparent ‘healing changes’ I was achieving for others with kinesiology, was so seductive that I chose to be blind and in denial as to what was happening to my body and personal way of lifestyle. It was through Serge Benhayon’s loving presentation of Truth and my willingness that I was able to see the complete contradiction in my life and the illusion under which I was living.

  7. The returning to who we truly are by not looking outwards but by simply connecting and knowing who we are is the only thing we will ever need. The wisdom and knowing is always available to connect to, it simply is a matter of surrendering to the energy that is of love and light, not saying yes to the astral fog that takes us away from out truth. Every nano second we have this choice to be made.

  8. When we turn our gaze from the outer world to our inner world it is then that we embark on our return journey back to soul.

  9. And that is precisely the trick of the human etheric spirit – it will never let you know that there is another source of energy to align to until it has exhausted its stint in the gamut of creation (life on Earth as we have created it). Whereas the Soul is always completely transparent and when we connect to this aspect of us we know in no uncertain terms, all that tempts us from the other side of the equation.

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