Spiritual Searching – I Too was Seduced

I have learned in my recent journeys, despite 25 years of spiritual searching, that the true book of wisdom I sought was in fact inside me all along. Back then I had no awareness that there were indeed two different energies that I could choose to align with – one being truly Divine (the soul consciousness) and the other from the Astral plane (the spiritual consciousness), so from my chosen ignorance I played and cavorted heartily with that energy that took me even further away from my Soul.

It was about twenty five years ago when I was feeling very sad and hollow inside – and unbeknownst to me without true connection to myself, the true me – that I soon allowed an energy in to fill the empty space within me.

Back then I had wrung my hands in despair, feeling bereft of anything truly meaningful. I was living in a magnificent home in the country, had an amazing family and all I could possibly want on a physical level, yet there was such an emptiness and sadness I could not explain. The feeling was of worthlessness – what was the point of my existence? “There has to be something else!!” I cried to the heavens.

It started innocuously with a series of coincidences. I was suddenly aware of ‘other things’: hearing a clairvoyant on the radio, fascinating interviews on the television with people who ‘spoke’ to aliens and dead people, those who were able to ‘see’ personal details and medical conditions and those who had conversations with God.

These all caused an emotional reaction in me – “I can do that” I thought. At that time I found it to be exciting, thrilling, and invited in me an emotive response that there actually was ‘something else’ out there. Little did I know I was embarking on a spiritual journey that was going to take me even further away from the true me — my soul.

I met many folk who like me, didn’t realise that there were two different energies to choose from: the spirit which is the separated aspect of the soul, or the soul which is our true connection to God – and so came from ignorance or emptiness too. I was attending ‘lightworkers’ conferences, learning many spiritual new-age modalities, became what they call a reiki master, dabbled in most of what was on offer from the spiritual consciousness, and was sought after on a small scale to lead in guided meditations, speaking to dead relatives for bereaved folk, channelling the ‘masters’ at an across the country destination with the air-fare paid for by others, and even produced a book that I laboured over – a book of ‘loving words’, or so it seemed at the time. It was all so stimulating – I was being drawn in seductively and was hooked.

There was always another modality to try – “maybe this one has the real truth,” I thought. Even though all these modalities entranced me and excited me I had a deeper knowing that there was still ‘something else’ that I was missing. Somehow I knew I still hadn’t found that piece of the puzzle that had thus far eluded me, but at that time the illusion had me in its grip.

It’s interesting to note that I was constantly working with my mind – not ‘feeling’ from within or listening to my true antenna, my body.

As time passed there was a new/different healer in town – “you must meet this guy – he’s really cool” my fellow new-age followers would say. Interestingly, my human spirit was resistant – “Why do I need to meet this guy? After all I’ve just channelled and produced a book of loving words.”

For several weeks the resistance was strong, questioning why I ought to go and listen to him. The belief in ‘signs’ was important in the spiritual new age movement, so when a white van passed me at a round-a-bout with the one word written in huge letters diagonally up the side of the van ‘S E R G E’, it seemed this was a sign so I made an appointment to introduce myself to Serge Benhayon.

That was when my life began to turn around; slowly at first because of how far away from true love and my heart centre I had travelled in the previous 8-9 years. Something happened that day. I wasn’t sure what it was.

I made a decision to seek within a little more honestly.

I was in a mild state of bewilderment… for the first time in so long I felt something that I had not felt maybe ever before in this lifetime, and that was that I was ‘met’.

At that point I had the awareness that indeed I had been dabbling in the darker energies – not of true Light or Love at all. What was I to do – how many people had I harmed along the way?

Instead of just going “Whoops!!! I was mistaken,” I descended into remorse and regret, afraid and ashamed to face anyone. My trust in myself dissolved, my trust in all that I thought I knew collapsed – I reacted and hid for quite some time seeing only the shame of having been so gullible, so open to deceit, with the fear of being deceived again still raw.

Why do we tend to look outside of ourselves when we believe we are in such a place of desolation? Why do we believe that someone/something out there knows more than each one of us knows intrinsically deep inside? Why do we not choose to look within to where all is known in every cell of our body?

However, the sun did shine again and the trust has returned now as I write these words. Through listening to my body and the innate love that lies within, I can acknowledge that I was inspired by the love that Serge Benhayon has for all humanity, and by Universal Medicine as being the vehicle or means by which this True Love is now made manifest.

How could I have believed through all my spiritual searching that at any level I was being en-light-ened when the body grew heavier and heavier, leaving me 20 kilos overweight? It is indeed revealing when we return to our true book of loving words and the wisdom within, that book being our body; after all, it is the marker of truth for each one of us.

By Roberta, Gold Coast, Australia

721 thoughts on “Spiritual Searching – I Too was Seduced

  1. The continual journey to seek answers from the outside only prolongs the truth from permeating our every cell and reverberating out through our bodies. When we begin to listen to the copious amounts of wisdom available within we begin to uncover the truth and honesty of life and love and that is truly monumental in terms of healing our past experiences and patterns that we have held onto for long periods of time.

  2. It’s interesting how obvious it appears as a false path when looking back and having connected back to the truth within us. This just goes to show how deceptive and powerful glamour and illusion really are.

  3. The spirits pride can seem like a powerful force – but it is nothing compared to the light and love of our inner-heart. Learning to focus and be with everything that is rather than stew on everything that is not that love has been a huge lesson for me.

  4. I was thinking about the two energies this morning and how to explain it so it doesn’t sound bonkers! Someone recently refuted this and said there was just the absence of love if something was not loving, but on pondering this I realised that is not possible as all is energy so there is never the absence of energy it is either the energy of love or not and everything plays out from there.

    1. What you have shared is huge. There can be no void. If we are not filling the moment with love we are actively filling it with something else. And a very significant question leads on from that: when we are not walking with the fullness of the love that we are, what are we inviting in?

      1. Yes, exactly Golnaz. In not walking and living in and with ‘the fullness of the love that we are’, energies other than love must fill ‘this space’. We think ourselves to be ‘prey’ to such energy, but in truth, it is we who have said yes to it crossing our threshold in the first place.

    2. That’s a very simple explanation because if something is not love then it must be something else. It either is or it isn’t.

  5. I love the clarity we have when we look back at our previous endeavours seeking what was missing from our lives. When we look at life from the inside out there is much more clarity and understanding than when we seek life from outside first, and fall for beliefs rather than what we know to be true or not.

  6. That feeling of “there has to be something else”, “this can’t be it” is so eye opening if we allow it to come through.

  7. Very telling when you describe your reaction to the discovery of the new age offerings as an “emotive response” – emotive it is indeed and can’t but be; it is the filling of a need that will align with and further ingrain the emptiness that is felt on the inside. True answers there are none in the new age, only delay tactics and entertainment.

  8. It’s interesting how you use the word “seduced” when you describe your relationship to spiritual searching, it gives away it’s true intention and origin by it’s seduction and attempts to hook you in, whereas the truth simply allows you to be and to choose it whenever you’re ready – quite a stark difference.

  9. Thank you Roberta. It is not easy to face the fact that we have been deceived and that we allowed it to occur through not dealing with our pain and emptiness. Thank heavens for Serge Benhayon who has introduced the importance of connecting with the divine spark within us, which leaves no room for disconnection, emptiness or hurts. This is what has changed my life.

  10. Your path is a familiar one and trodden by many. When we have been seeking answers in all the tantalizing modalities that are available it is a bit confronting and no where near as glamorous to realise they are within us all along.

  11. Roberta it is a very powerful experience you have shared, thank you for your honesty. I was also heavily caught up in spirituality and at the end of it all, after years and years of exploring I was just as empty, miserable and unhappy as I’d been at the beginning. It was all a distraction and a desperation to feel better. Your line really stood out for me “I’ve just channelled and produced a book of loving words” as it highlights to me how the New Age is built upon “love” being out there to the point it must be channelled from another source, instead of that source actually being inside of ourselves and the essence of who we are. It’s interesting how the New Age/spirituality is cleverly constructed to avoid all truths, including all that we truly are as souls with an equal connection to God. It could be said that spirit-uality is a clear example of a consciousness created by the spirit which purposefully excludes the soul and its grand truth.

  12. Serge Benhayon’s teachings of the difference between spirit and soul have been 100% fundamental in bringing understanding to the truth of energy, consiousness and Will. What I wanted to stay totally unfathomable 10 years or so ago has been uncovered, presented, re-presented, and re-presented again and again, until finally the penny drops and the pieces come together. Once it is known, there is a true choice that can be made.

  13. We are so incredibly vast and connected to so much more than we can see. If we try and reduce ourselves into simply functioning as humans without the awareness of that vastness, emptiness prevails.

  14. It’s interesting that if we let ourselves hear truth and really feel it, we can then react to it so much that we start to doubt truth, the very thing that we felt to be true in the first place. Once the reaction passes, for pass it will. whether in hours days, months, years or lifetimes, we come to understand that truth is something we know and feel from within so we have no need to fear being hoodwinked by illusion again if we dedicate ourselves to living in connection to what is inside us.

  15. In my experience the Spiritual New Age provided some sort of relief for the empty feeling I had inside. But it never quelled it and it needed to be fed constantly. Whilst the talk was all about energy it did not come close to giving any understanding of the multidimensional beings that we are and our responsibility we have. Those two things alone have changed everything and I know that any emptiness I am feeling is because I am not living my multidimensionality and walking with responsibility – neither of which is an external gift, they are two things I carry within and have a choice to walk in.

  16. The true antenna is the body and not the mind The mind plays a big in spiritual and mental healing techniques but it is never true, from this the body stays empty.

  17. So many of us have been caught in the excitement of the new age Roberta! It seemed to be an exciting time but not fulfilling, instead a smoke screen to take us further off track from the truth. When Serge Benhayon
    came along the truth was revealed and all made sense.

  18. The seduction of surface successes will never still the knowingness within that is aware there is more to the game of life than what we see.

  19. It is amazing how the mind can convince us if we are doing something right when we can completely ignore the messages from the body, in my experience, it was as if there was no connection between them at all–which is actually spot on, as there is no connection happening with myself. With connection, there is no right or wrong, it is only if there is love or lovelessness.

    1. I agree – people in my experience much of the time remember receiving a warning message from their body before things went badly wrong and remember overriding that message.

  20. In my experience spiritual searches allow us to ‘seek truth’ under conditions, allowing us to be manipulated as we don’t want to use our full awareness. Putting truth (or true love) above everything seems to be a minimum requirement not to get caught.

  21. Living in the comfort of the ‘magnificent home in the country’ and having everything you want still does not fill the emptiness we feel from not connecting to ourselves and having no true purpose in life. We can seek outside ourselves for years adding another flavor to our lives until we start to see that any new pursuit is just a new flavor of the one thing which is a distraction from committing to what we are here to bring.

  22. Roberta, you say, “I too was seduced” which does indeed show the setup that’s there to stop us finding our true purpose in life. However, ultimately we are responsible for the choices we have made and once we discern the harm hidden in seemingly benign choices we can make only those choices that stem from love and harmony and serve to reflect that to the world.

  23. I heard people saying that the spiritual journey is actually a delay of finding that the truth is actually already inside and with your story I can really see why. You felt there had to be more but the spiritual new age is so enticing and looking like it is it that we can get lost in the illusion of it without realising.

  24. In disconnection to our inner-hearts where we can discern truth from what is not, we are at the mercy of ideals and beliefs that guarantee nothing more than glamour -often at the expense of our bodies and not to mention the many lifetimes it will take us to clear such grime from our souls.

  25. It was the greatest point of my life to meet and be met by Serge Benhayon for in that meeting I met myself – my true self that I had been so deeply missing. When we are offered the reflection of true connection we can choose to take it or run away as it exposes all that is not true and the error of past choices. As we then start to live as our true selves we offer that same reflection to others and also keep deepening our own connection – it is such a beautiful way to live. Yes there are indeed great riches and volumes within.

  26. It feels to me as if you are missing some appreciation in that you were able to admit so whole heartedly that you had been duped! So many would rather shoot the messenger than admit that they are on the wrong path, especially when we are so invested in what we do. To put your hands up in the air and go whoops I was on the wrong track is very courageous.

  27. Thanks for sharing; I had a similar past.
    As a spirit, we don’t care for our body, we just want to manifest identification with things, with roles.
    On the moment we go out of that game we have to feel all we left our body with and how much we damaged our body during our spiritual dancing time. The body holds all, to clear when you are ready.
    So how come we are still surprised that we get ill and how fast the numbers are increasing?
    We get brought to a stop by our soul.

  28. One of the greatest realisations I have ever had was the fact that what we seek, we find. When I thought I was ‘searching for truth’ by finding new things to tantalise my spirit, all the while thinking I was advancing myself, I was not truly seeking truth at all, but relief from the underlying misery I wasn’t prepared to get honest enough about to access the truth. Once I began that search in earnest, asking from a place much deeper and open to the actual truth, I found it very quickly, or more correctly, it found me. I have never looked back, and nor have I ever missed the fact that when we seek… truly… we find.

  29. When we allow our minds to rule the roost it will present all manner of things to keep us enthralled and disconnected from our inner hearts. When we allow this we do it at the expense of our health and well-being and we adversely affect all that surrounds us.

  30. There is a part of us that knows that the ‘meaning of life’ is found deep within us, thus why we set out on a search that will take us everywhere and anywhere other than back to the truth that lays within. Therefore it is not a case of us needing to seek truth and going in search for it, but more so a case of us being willing to return to it.

  31. Spiritual seeking can take us off course for lifetimes and is, in my experience symptomatic of discontent (tension) without a true impulse to seek truth. When we truly seek… we find, and whatever else we seek, we find.

  32. I so adore the honesty in which students of The Way of the Livingness, as presented by Serge Benayon, now choose to live their lives in, and then express to the world. It is so refreshing.

  33. Very much appreciating your honest recounting here Roberta. How tempting it can be to say ‘yes’ to the spiritual arrogance offered by the new age… to say ‘yes’ to a belief that the Kingdom of God does NOT live within and we must pull in, if not wilfully invite in, other energies to enter – to express through us with all of their false ‘spiritual might’.
    And what a great renunciation it is, to recognise that none of this has been ‘it’, and that it is our reconnection to the true Kingdom and the light of the Soul that has awaited us all along… No ‘rah-rah’, no recognition, no falsity… only the absoluteness and purity of Love.
    I spent my own years dallying in new age philosophies and teachings, and every one without fail, confirmed the false belief stated above – ever asking that you seek outside of yourself to ‘be more’ and ‘connect to more’. What a trap for the sensitive being, who in truth, simply needs to be held in love that he or she may heal those yet-harboured hurts which stand in the way of reuniting with the Soul once more.

  34. This sounds like a very humbling experience for you and you have come out the other side so eloquent and well spoken. I watched my mother go through the spiritual new age faze when I was young but interestingly, like you, although she was involved, she new that there was something missing, something that didn’t quite add up. When we came across Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon everything made sense because the difference between the two energies had been very practically laid out. I am no saint and I often still dabble in the harmful energy, I dabble for comfort and entertainment but at least I know now what is going on and how harmful it is, at least I am no longer ignorant to my surrounds.

  35. I too Roberta, went seeking through the Spiritual New Age movement, though only for a short time, don’t you just love it when the magic of God appeared on the van to call you to visit Serge. Even though you were heavily into the movement being open to signs was a doorway for the Heir-achy to call you back home.

  36. ‘What was the point of my existence?’ I remember feeling this, feeling that there had to be more and literally feeling what was the point of me being here. Now, I have none of those feelings as my life has purpose and I have an understanding of the bigger picture and what I bring is of equal importance to what another brings.

  37. How absolutely beautiful is it to know that we have the book of wisdom within us?. All we have to do is access it.

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