After finding out about Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I read one of his books – The Way It Is – which made a lot of sense to me as I could feel the truth that was there.
As I started to attend presentations, so began the process of feeling how I was living and the truth of who I am.
Initially I felt so uncomfortable at being there; my unloving way of living was being exposed and it felt like everyone could see what I was experiencing. Really though, it was me that was feeling how I had been living – I was becoming acutely aware of the choices I had been making.
There wasn’t anyone telling me what to do, where I was going wrong or anything like that, it was all in my head… I was giving myself false reasons of why I should not be there. I was feeling how much disregard I had for myself – eating anything to fill up the void I felt inside, using alcohol, porn, watching hours and hours of TV – especially sport, sleeping in, etc… all the things I was doing to not feel this emptiness. I spent a lot of time hiding in my cave; the destructive thoughts I allowed kept me stuck in unloving choices.
Sometimes I would drive to the Universal Medicine events, sit in my car and just feel so anxious about going in that I couldn’t do it, so I would just go home again. Other times I didn’t even get out of my home, or if I did, I would just return home before I got to the event. Sometimes I would go inside, sit down, but before Serge got up to present, I would leave.
I’m not sure how long it took for me to be able to stay for the whole event, but I would then not really talk to anyone and leave as soon as it finished. There was always that feeling of discomfort in being there… I felt completely alone in the crowd; I didn’t fit in and I didn’t belong.
Although all I could feel at that time was the discomfort, I felt so out of place it eventually became clear that it was because of my own judgment on myself about how I was living.
Hearing the truth that Serge Benhayon presented connected with the deepest part of me and I knew I couldn’t stay away.
So gradually I started to attend more Universal Medicine presentations and workshops and throughout this time, Serge would always say “Hi Mark” if he saw me. I could feel that he saw all of me and accepted me as I am, almost certainly for the first time in my life. Serge was able to see the light in me, well before I could feel it within myself, because I was identifying with all the things I was doing that harmed others and myself.
I have no doubt that it was my first experience of being truly loved for who I am, before I was even able to begin loving myself.
What a healing that is.
I was being supported, being called to be more and I had no awareness of what lay ahead for me; understanding at last the truth of who we are, the truth about love and how that is what we are and feeling the absolute joy of just being me. For the first time in my life I felt that I belonged.
It was beautiful to feel the fullness of me at the event, but then to bring that way of being into my every day?. . . Well, that was another story. It became very clear that it wasn’t just about attending the events:
I had to develop how I lived every moment, caring for myself in every little choice I made.
For a long time I was always hard on myself and therefore, hard on others as well. Although this had dropped away before I became a Universal Medicine student, it remained in the form of not being able to appreciate others or how far I had come. Appreciation became a focus and as I deepened this awareness I was able to feel the beauty in others – they are just like me. This made it easier for me to see how I had been isolating myself, so choosing to connect with friends, going out more and socialising made a significant difference.
I have been able to let go of the behaviours that didn’t support me, mostly through the support of friends and practitioners. Being able to honestly talk about how I am feeling, the harming thoughts I am having etc., begins the process of deconstructing those old patterns. The perspective that is offered by others, the loving reflections of what they feel when I share, help me to gain perspective and understanding of how I am being.
I was searching for truth all my life. I now know that truth without love does not work very well because I was trying to be ‘right’ and this was just empty words that actually harm others… Truth has been central to my transformation over recent years. What is presented by Serge Benhayon resonates with the deepest part of me and it is through truth that I return to love.
by Mark Payne
Further Reading:
Universal Medicine Retreat….and Advance!
Sacred Esoteric Healing
My Life After Serge Benhayon’s Presentation Only Confirmed And Refined What I Had Connected To Before
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
You highlight something really important here Mark, that we can stop beating ourselves and others up which is a great step but the next one is to deepen our appreciation of who we are and where we are.
I have just finished a workshop and in the workshop someone was expressing themselves in a way that I couldn’t quite understand and I wanted to understand what it was that they were saying, so I introduced myself and explained to them my dilemma. They repeated themselves again, I got to feel that they were coming from a hurt and that they felt judged by the group, but interestingly they were also judging the group so then we have an impasse because to me it then felt as though we were stuck on a who is right and who is wrong.
For me I know what is my truth and I live this to the best of my ability I know there was a time that I was so enthusiastic about what I had found to be true that I felt I should convert everyone in my family. Then I realised that everyone has free will, and this should not be interfered with as it was given to us by God.
So for me having had this conversation I feel there needs to be a deeper level of understanding because we are so quick to judge one another and it is in this judgement that evil can play out and the only winner is the separation between us.
Universal Medicine provides a great opportunity for each of us to feel where we are at regarding our essence to then start peeling the layers that separate us from it.
I appreciate your honesty here and feel it takes some courage, even though you had all of this stuff come up, to still be able to feel what was true to you and overcome this fear and anxiety. And this is very cool what you have shared ‘I now know that truth without love does not work very well because I was trying to be ‘right’ and this was just empty words that actually harm others… Truth has been central to my transformation over recent years. What is presented by Serge Benhayon resonates with the deepest part of me and it is through truth that I return to love.’ Same with me. When I first met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine every cell in my body knew what he was presenting and teaching was true, there was absolutely zero doubt … that is quite something. I have never had that so clear in my life as I have with Serge and Universal Medicine.
It is amazing to read what is possible when reflection is at work, the power of not imposing and letting another come to the truth in their own time, without an agenda or investment.
What a world we have created that we cannot bear the love that we deserve.
This thing ‘always hard on myself and therefore hard on others as well’ is a common theme for me too. And the key, as you already stated, is the appreciation in moving past this behaviour – a working progress. And I appreciate that too.
Life is so simple when we can love and accept ourselves and others exactly as we are. I agree Mark it’s an amazing experience to feel the love that Serge offers others, a love we all equally can return to and live from, and then express to all each day.
Judgement, with a sprinkle of shame or comparison, is a toxic mix. When you really feel them its a crushing weight that is difficult to shift out from under. But the weird (and somewhat wonderful) thing is that its us that impose it, so the opportunity to make the shift is as simple as a choice and then we find the love has not gone anywhere – its always waiting, does not judge, and welcomes us home when we choose it.
This is such a great story Mark. I love the honesty in it and how you describe life as being so uncomfortable when we are not living who we are and instead living out a picture of how we’ve been told is the right way to be. And then the shift in how you feel about yourself and others when you realise that actually there’s nothing wrong with you and everything is completely fine when you allow yourself to be yourself.
Truly inspiring Mark. I love what you say about truth without love being harming. When we fight each other over right and wrong, it’s just so pointless. I have learnt through Universal Medicine and it’s practitioners that there is no right or wrong, there is only love and that for me has changed my life so much. My relationships with my partner, friends and family and even strangers actually. I focus more on feeling people’s essence and the energy they are in, rather than what they are saying. This has supported me to be more love and therefore truly loving with myself and others.
“I was being supported, being called to be more” this is the powerful message of Universal Medicine in that it is consistent in love and appreciation of all that we are.
I am deeply inspired by how two words “hi Mark” could bring such a healing to someone. Love is more than just what we say, it is about letting everyone in for all they are and holding them no less than the delicious being they truly are.
Thank you Joshua, there is a richness to simple exchanges like saying “hello” to others when the quality comes from our love.
Yes, beautifully said Joshua, if we allow it so the beauty of the whole universe is expressed through us, which is all-encompassing as we are part of it and we can but feel it.
A true miracle Mark Payne. Its your life captured in a moment of a blog. What a transformation! Well done.
The work of Universal Medicine is exposing to the bone. Its unreal compared to what life we all lead before we came to ’the work’. I’m still unfolding .. and have moved through absolute mountains of a lesser way of being that imploded on me and was very destructive in similarity to Mark. I have come a long way in such a short period and continually in awe and appreciation of more exquisiteness that keeps pouring out through Serge and the magnificence of the student body. We are ALL CERTAINLY amazing beings – extra-ordinary!!! AND, in conversation tonight imagine if we all bringing Our Love – what a world we would be living in!
It is truly amazing the transformations people have made in the Universal Medicine student body, for myself I can relate to Mark in the sense of the destructive thoughts and low self worth, and to be where I am now feeling healed of so much and enjoying the beauty of my soul and connection to God, and expressing the true essence of myself. There is so much to appreciate within the ups and downs of life, sometimes I’m connected to me and other days not so much – a work in progress but what a beautiful work it is!
I know that feeling of judging myself very well and interestingly it is the antithesis of what I am being presented with at Universal Medicine. How can I love myself when I am in judgement? What I am becoming more aware of is the subtle mental thoughts that can increasingly become bigger if I do not catch and call them out. No matter how amazing and joyful I have felt I have allowed such mental thoughts in simply to try and diminish the love I am living but boy it is wonderful to nominate this when it happens.
I agree Mark from my own observations and experiences in life that there is no right and wrong in truth there is simply love and not love the honesty of which can be felt in our bodies.
There is so much honesty in this blog. I can completely relate to feeling uncomfortable when attending Uni Med courses, but like Mark shared, I knew the truth that was being presented, I knew it because I felt it. It just took a few years to drop the belief that I was not good enough for what I knew to be true for me to finally appreciate myself, everyone else and the magnificence of spending time with others who also knew truth and love.
‘I could feel that he saw all of me and accepted me as I am,’ Serge embraces everyone with this same quality and it is very warm and inviting when we feel this level of love and acceptance from another.
“Appreciation became a focus and as I deepened this awareness I was able to feel the beauty in others – they are just like me.” This is the magic that happens when we start to appreciate ourselves more – we recognise and feel that we are all equal.
This is such a powerful testament that we never ever can be told what to do to live truth, to live the love we are, as we know it and can feel it, and we are reminded of this whenever we are met with the reflection of truth. It is only our openness to feel our truth and respond in truth, or not, that determines the quality of life and the degree of love we find ourselves living.
Moments of discomfort are an interesting subject. Not only what generates the discomfort in us, but also what do we make out of it and hence what do we do with it? Is it about us? Is it about ‘the other’? Is it about what we know will come our way if we say yes to it? One thing is for sure, you can only experience discomfort if you are trying to generate and protect a life of comfort (which does not necessarily feels cozy, by the way).
I so love how you acknowledged and allowed the discomfort to be there. It’s so easy for us to make ourselves do things once we decide in our mind that something is ‘good’ and become a follower. It feels very much loving to afford ourselves that space to be wherever we are at, and not being caught in the idea of where we should be instead.
How our own thoughts can mislead us and let us make unloving choices, as if we have no choice at all.
How beautiful it is when we are seen for all that we are, when we are not held to ransom by what we are not. When we are held in love it gives us the space to be all that we are and not identify with our behaviours that are not who we are.
It is so very beautiful Nikki to be met in this way, and it is a gift in fact that we can share with another. This highlights the responsibility we all hold of how we meet and respond to each other.
Heavens this is the most extraordinary turnaround! I know what you mean about feeling like everyone can see everything, it is challenging but actually the most wonderful gift at the same time. If we connect back to when we were children, we could all see and feel everything, our awareness was really acute, but we learnt incredibly effective tools to dull that awareness and then to defend our lack of awareness! Not logical but then again it is understandable because we didn’t know how to live life feeling all that we felt.
‘Serge was able to see the light in me, well before I could feel it within myself…’ This alone is so healing to receive from another – and we all have the ability, divinely so, to see and connect to the light in others, even if they are not living from this place. It is healing because it gives people the chance to feel that they are more then just a functional human being, they are in fact Heavenly.
Beautifully shared Mark how you were able to open up to the love that you are and now know yourself to be. The reflection that Serge offers to us is so miraculous that in that instant of being met we feel our own love, and this takes us on a journey back to reclaiming all that we innately are.
We live our normal but do we really give a lot of thought to exactly what that is? Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine help us take a good long hard look at every aspect of life – does the way we live support us to be all that we are, or actually the opposite?
I went to an event the other day and I had not attended anything for ages, as the Uni Med team had been over seas. The last couple of months had been hard and as I sat I begun to feel really disorientated. It got to the point that I was so dizzy, a part of me was thinking, it was the perfect excuse to leave. I didn’t end up leaving but instead just allowed my body the feel strange. In the end I am so glad I stayed, as I knew deep down that the spinning was clearing the ill energy of how I had lived in the months before, the room was healing me, the presentation was awesome and I felt amazing by the end.
It is true that often we are the ones who get in our own way the most. I can relate to this of giving myself a hard time for my past choices and not valuing who I am and what I bring. It takes work to let go of this pattern and be open to a new way of being with yourself.
I love your honesty Mark and what you present here is great for me to read today ‘I was identifying with all the things I was doing that harmed others and myself.’ … that’s where I can often get lost, making choices I know do not support me and then beating myself up for those choices, so identifying with them, but as you note here meeting Serge Benhayon offers something very different to be met by someone who never judges you no matter you choices but sees you for the love you are, even when we ourselves don’t see that is such a gift. And today I needed a little reminding to that, so thank you for this blog.
A wonderful turnaround Mark that many will be inspired by.
Mark I cannot tell you how much this has meant to me this morning. Sitting outside the courses, going home before you have even been in…oh dear, I can relate and I didn’t actually do any of that because I live so far away I had committed before I got on the plane. But we can hold a little back – just in case – and then we don’t really commit or value ourselves, our time, or our investment. Time to invest in ourselves, in why we are here and truly offer back to the Universe in appreciation of its patience!
Embracing the discomfort of how we choose to live is a great way to start making choices that actually support the body to feeling its divinity and interconnectedness to everyone and everything. Or, we can always react to the discomfort and seek more comforts which ultimately leads to more entrenched discomfort.
Coming to the truth about how we have been living and what we are and have been doing to ourselves with our choices can be mighty uncomfortable indeed.
Thank you Mark, I was reflecting today on how hard it used to be to constantly see my unloving and unsupportive choices when I first started working with Universal Medicine. It wasn’t always uncomfortable, sometimes it was joyful and liberating to have a new understanding and the opportunity to make a new choice. The honesty of why I was making unsupportive choices could at times be quite uncomfortable but if I was not hard on myself and willing to understand why then the healing opportunity the new awareness offered would be graceful instead of awkward or with a lot of resistance. The beautiful thing is that all the work I put into examining those choices has created a foundation now of new and loving choices which have brought purpose, simplicity and joy in how I live every day.
I love reading this blog. The resistance in you in the early days reminds me of myself in some ways. Knowing there is something more, and being open enough to go there, but then at the last minute making the choice to hold on another day.. thinking I’ll deal with it later. Later never comes unless you get real about why you’re holding on to a certain way of being, that you know isn’t you. And then the moment you entertain the idea that there is actually so much more than all the things we identify with, your awareness opens up and everything starts to become clearer.
There would be many who will benefit from your expression of your truth and your journey to becoming a student of Universal Medicine and life itself. It is through loving ourselves and our bodies that opens us to the truth.
Thank you Mark for sharing this blog with us all. I love your honesty and humbleness and that you did not give up, but kept returning even though you felt so out of place and uncomfortable. When our bodies hear truth, they pull us back for more because as you beautifully shared,’ it is through truth that I return to love’.
“Hearing the truth that Serge Benhayon presented connected with the deepest part of me and I knew I couldn’t stay away.” I agree Mark. Serge Benhayon offers so much to the world. One day he will be recognised as an amazing world teacher. In the meantime I feel very blessed to know him and receive his presentations live. His words make sense of humanity and with all the questions I have ever wanted to ask, he has an explanation for, because he connects with multi-dimensionality.
Great point Mark that being ‘right’ and truthful are different things.
Wow Mark, amazing to read about your struggle to come or to stay at Universal Medicine events, your soul has been very determined with you and you knew. How deeply to appreciate where you have come to; ‘What is presented by Serge Benhayon resonates with the deepest part of me and it is through truth that I return to love.’
I had attended many courses and workshops before I came across Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine but it was during the events held by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I got to feel the love within me, within everyone and everything. It made sense what was being presented; that we are love because I could feel it. It was the start to wanting to know more and the start to developing a relationship with self which continues to unfold.
Whenever I read this it moves me deeply, because it shows the power of true love. When we are held in love we come to our senses by ourselves as we are able to start to feel ourselves, to feel what lies beneath all these layers of self-doubt and critique and judgment. And with every step more we move with this knowing of ourselves the inner warmth growth and we are able to face the world we created around us and dismantle it step by step with the growing love we hold for ourself.
I can so relate to feeling uncomfortable coming to Universal Medicine workshops and presentations. I cannot attend them on a regular basis, so for me it is a big deal, it already puts me out of my ‘everyday’ thing. And I totally agree that even though no one has ever or would judge me, I feel exposed and uncomfortable because what gets presented is all about livingness and I do know how I have been living and to feel how much I have been holding back and how much more there is to be lived and expressed.
It’s funny to watch the things we do, the choices we make and then at some point we can see those choices weren’t truly supporting us. I use to live life critical of myself when this awareness kicked in, I was always trying to perfect how I was, with everything. This placed a huge pressure on any point I was in the world, whether talking, walking, anything. Now I can look at these choices without the pressure and realise that was just where things were, where I was and now my awareness has changed and so embrace where I am now. It’s not about shutting out where we have walked but just being more settled with how I learn. I often find it funny or more I am light hearted about how I was and from there appreciate where I stand now. Always knowing at some point I will stand again and look at my current point and possibly thinks it’s funny in the same way. We are always learning, always expanding our awareness and so no perfection and no end point and in that way there is always more to see. This for me is a free way to live, no pressure just another moment in time to appreciate.
Appreciation – one powerful word that can change lives, starting with ours first. Choosing to appreciate ourselves for who we are begins the process of dismantling the negative self talk that most of us have lived with for most of our lives. This destructive talk does not have a place to burrow into once appreciation is welcomed in and made a constant companion.
I just love this story about something pulling you to these events and then backing out at the last minute and then coming to the acceptance that perhaps there was something there that you weren’t prepared to deal with, and then choosing to deal with it. What an unfolding!
I am learning to accept that I am a student of The Way of the Livingness and will always be and there is no such thing as perfection, that as I face and feel the choices that are not supporting me to not be hard on myself and compare myself to others but to embrace and appreciate the awareness and to choose to deeply love and honour me while I process what is there on offer to be healed.
Choosing to become more open in our sharing with others allows the truth to be revealed to us and then we have the opportunity to make different choices that support us on our return to who we truly are.
It is very confronting to look at the truth of how we have been living and I know that in the early days of attending Universal Medicine events I would assume that other attendees would not want anything to do with me because of my negative energy. I was becoming acutely aware of the many habits that had cemented a way of living that was untrue and deeply damaging for myself and others and felt unworthy to associate with others who were making choices that were still too challenging for me. Like you I felt drawn to the events and knew that that was where I needed to be and persevered despite the discomfort of being confronted by my choices and gradually started to make different, more self-loving choices. Being held in love and accepted allows us the space to start to love and appreciate ourselves and is such a gift as is the honesty in your writing, thank you Mark.
A very honest accessible account of a journey back to Love with truth as your guide Mark. It’s amazing when we start on this journey we come to understand that there is the harm we do to ourselves and others in itself but far worse is the judgement we place on ourselves due to that harm – when we can let that judgement go we hugely empower ourselves to see and feel what truly supports us and how there is no perfection just the willingness to get back up and continue; to never give up on ourselves and to back ourselves to the hilt and find the support we need when we need it – we deserve it and it hugely impacts us and all we meet.
How can we not feel as Mark has shared here, the tension between being shown who we really are and the vast difference we have lived in our lives? I know I felt it for years (and to be honest still feel it, though now I understand it), but was unable to stay away also, as I knew from deep within, the absolute truth that was being presented by Serge Benhayon. How did I know. I felt it, deep within my body, and even when my head wanted to discard it, I couldn’t ignore what I had felt.
Such a beautiful and honest sharing Mark, you raise a great point about appreciation. It has also been a game changer for me as well and key to deepening the relationship with myself, and has supported all my relationships to strengthen and evolve as well.
“I had to develop how I lived every moment, caring for myself in every little choice I made.” True for so many of us. It is one thing to attend the amazing workshops and courses and be inspired – but the real work comes in living our daily lives – with love and truth at its core.
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine from day one has and still supports me in my livingness, the way I choose to be with myself and others, in fact everything; it is not just about attending the events and workshops. As I walk out of the door that’s when the ‘real’ learning begins putting into practice what I have felt to be true from what has been presented.
Mark thank you for your honesty, it is not easy to listen to when someone presents the truth about how we live, and admit to the games we play, the dishonesty we live and total lack of responsibility.
It is gorgeous to feel the honesty in your sharing showing the vulnerable part of you. That is giving us all the opportunity to connect to this too, and see that we all come in a different way to feeling the truth in the words of Serge Benhayon, knowing it to be, and coming to live it for ourselves.
Thank you Mark for so honestly sharing your experience, I too have had the same amazing experience with meeting Serge as you have expressed here “I have no doubt that it was my first experience of being truly loved for who I am, before I was even able to begin loving myself. What a healing that is.”
We all need the support of others sometimes to heal.
Thank you Mark, this is so true, so true. Feels in a sense like we are stuck in this pattern all in one. There is a lot of judgement that comes with constantly right or wrongdoing, what we see, hear, choose and believe. And so all that is in this blog is showing us that we can return and deconstruct truly this old way of being that keeps us narrow, and choose to be free and understanding of where we are at. Love it Mark, thank you.
Great blog Mark, your honesty, openness and willingness to connect to truth is amazing.The transformation you have chosen is very inspiring. Your commitment to truth and love is what our world needs. Thank you.
Thank you Mark for showing us all that to really make the changes we want to make in our lives we cannot do it alone or without self love and the love of others around us.
The emptiness that you describe is so common in all of us. How sad is that, that despite all the accumulated knowledge and wisdom of the ages that so many of us are still making it into adulthood with this slightly secretive, empty, lack of self worth.. and no real understanding of what to do about it – instead trying to fill it from the outside. How blessed are we then, to have someone like Serge Benhayon come along and show us another way.
This blog is immense, the honesty and rawness you share is real, it’s not all rose-ie glasses and plain sailing, at times the water can get a bit rough when stuff we have buried or chosen to not feel comes up to be cleared. I remember going to my first Universal Medicine retreat and having a feeling like I shouldn’t be there – lack of self worth, I am not perfect by all means and to be honest struggle with negative thoughts, being truly loving to myself and living this love accordingly. But I do know that its the absolute truth and my life has changed beyond belief since meeting Serge Benhayon. There is not a day that goes by that I am not blown away or aware of this fact. I have never been held, to this day, or met in such absolute love as Serge Benhayon holds me in. This is one of the most beautiful lines I have read; “Serge was able to see the light in me, well before I could feel it within myself, because I was identifying with all the things I was doing that harmed others and myself.” It’s true, Serge always meets you for who you are never what you are not or what you may choose unlovingly to do. He sees you for you.
We can resist, we can walk the other way, we can say no. But what is remarkable to me in what you share Mark is not that this process is hard or difficult in some way, but that there is some thing, some essence, some part of us that actually ignores all this and goes ahead still. Without understanding the role and power of our Soul you can’t explain why we keep coming back to these courses and presentations that can make life quite uncomfortable. How beautiful is the magnetic pull we experience to keep returning! This process means it is only a matter of time till we see we are divine.
So true Joseph, and I feel that with honesty and understanding of why we are feeling uncomfortable when we are presented with truth, this supports us to learn and grow.
Great sharing Mark. I also had a similar experience when attending Universal Medicine events, I felt challenged but at the same time joy full. Attending events where there are a lot of people you don’t know and discussing the everyday things about life is sometimes daunting but totally refreshing as there aren’t many places that give you this opportunity for such an open and non reserved sharing of truth.
Very cool to hear your personal process Mark, I know that I relate to it very much. Every now and again I will still react about going to an event but I know that I am really just struggling with the way I have been living up until that point and being at an event allows me the space to feel my choices. I also enjoy hearing Serge Benhayon presentations as they are such an expansive Philosophy of life and the Universe we all live in
Mark I love how you kept coming back to events. I am so glad that you are aware of how to face up to things.
Gorgeous to feel how your willingness to embrace a loving relationship with truth deepened and developed a loving relationship with yourself, all that you truly are, through which you have shown how it is possible for us all to heal and let go off all that we are not. It is a forever unfolding journey, as the Love we are within is immeasurable, eternally calling us to surrender and live the truth of who we are to no end.
Thank you Mark for sharing your experience with Universal Medicine. There are two comments that deeply resonate with me “I was becoming acutely aware of the choices I had been making. For the first time in my life I felt that I belonged.”
Thank you Mark for so honestly sharing, a coming back to accept, love, appreciate and care for the beautiful being you are. I too have felt the immense beholding love from Serge Benhayon and in that moment know that I too am love, a true turning point in our lives by accepting the truth that has been presented.
I love your consistency, your willingness to not give up but simply to take each step as you could and as far as you could every time, simply restoring your trust in the world and you with every step more.
‘it is through truth I return to love’ – beautifully said Mark. And I love your insights about hardness and appreciation, that while we may drop the hardness or the coarse forms of it, our lack of appreciation is a more subtle form of the same thing, when we appreciate we build on the beauty we are.
“I was searching for truth all my life. I now know that truth without love does not work very well because I was trying to be ‘right’ and this was just empty words that actually harm others…”
You really expose something for me in this line. If I could talk about my life being a recipe, this missing ingredient is often not enough love and way to heavy handed on the being right. I am exploring this currently and this article is another part of supporting me to unlock this, thank you, I really enjoyed hearing your story.
Your honesty shines so beautifully. It’s just amazing to read how you would feel so uncomfortable that you would just sit in the car and not attend the event, yet you kept returning. How strong the pull must have been in recognising the love that you so yearned.
Mark, it’s great to read your blog today and be reminded of how key appreciation is, and how much it’s a big support to all of us as we live our lives, without it we can easily loose context and forget how far we’ve come. We often excel at giving ourselves a hard time, but do not give the same focus to appreciating and confirming ourselves in all the amazingness that we are, and that is something I am learning more of daily, to appreciate.
The deepest part of me is also what brought me to Universal Medicine. How amazing is this, that the power we hold within leads us to The Way Of The Livingness. A way we already know innately, but didn’t know how to live it. Beyond amazing I say.
All those beliefs and ideals that we take on are not us. Anything that is not love, like being critical or hard on ourselves, is not us. We find all sorts of thoughts that come in telling us lies and trying to keep us from knowing who we are because we have been aligned to things that were not love, but deep down we know the truth. We are love and we come from love, even if that is not what we have lived, and we can come back to love anytime.
Thank you for your sharing Mark and I particularly like your words “I had to develop how I lived every moment caring for myself in every little choice I made”
Your whole blog is gold Mark but I especially loved this line “I now know that truth without love does not work very well because I was trying to be ‘right’ and this was just empty words that actually harm others…” Serge Benhayon has always presented that you cannot have truth without love and I have experienced this to be true countless times.
Appreciating myself especially my inner qualities and not what I do, I am finding to be incredibly powerful. Appreciating myself even though it may seem small and trivial is having an impact on how I feel about myself and therefore others because in that moment I am confirming myself and that is setting a foundation that I can build on.
I agree Caroline, appreciation is key to building a more loving relationship with ourselves and others – it is a game changer in many ways.
It is so beautiful to read about your journey back to truth, being held in love gives us the opportunity to choose this love for ourselves.
I have been pondering recently on the uncomfortable feeling I get when I feel exposed. Sometimes it has felt so raw that to hide has certainly been an option for me too but allowing myself to feel the truth that is on offer is something well worth appreciating that so often goes amiss. To not be judgemental on myself when confronted with truth is key and very apt for me to read this morning.
Mark, what I love about your journey with Universal Medicine, is how this is another perfect example of how it can not possibly be a cult. You clearly were free to come and go to presentations as you liked, and the only thing pulling you back was the truth you could hear and feel. You had a tug of war within yourself about how you were living that you already knew was not working for you….no one gave you any instructions to do anything….you made every choice yourself for yourself.
Your journey back to truth and love is just awe-some to read Mark. I admire your absolute commitment to push through and face the truth regardless of how it would challenge you so that you could return to the love to which you belong. Amazing.
Making the choice to care and self-love is saying YES to the beauty within and knowing that our bodies are but vessels to express Divinity on earth.
If Serge Benhayon can meet someone in their entirety and bring them a sense of fullness within, then we too all have that power to connect to each other on a level that does not get stuck on behaviours or outside judgments. I feel like that is the sense of belonging that we are all searching for, the belonging to ourselves and knowing we are more then meets the eye. Although, meeting someone with the eyes can be enough to initiate that person into feeling their true selves more – pretty cool!
I so relate to what you have said Mark. Appreciation is so much lighter than judgement.
It’s interesting that while we deep down know truth and love, we are still hooked into doing what looks right and trying to get things right as if there is some kind of test coming around the corner. Just being our truthful selves is everything. Living this self every day and in all our choices is love. What more could we need than our full and wonderful selves and our equal brothers?
Mark, I love that … ‘that it is through truth that I return to love’ – that is so true! And it’s amazing we are so much harder on ourselves than others are on us or we are on them, and this hardness stops us appreciating all we are and all we express. Taking each step as each of us need to is key, and knowing that each step we take towards love, builds more that love we are. And truth expressed without love is not truth. And appreciation, acceptance and allowing are huge parts of this and as I’ve learned to appreciate more, accept more, I can allow the love in me to be expressed and can more deeply claim that love in me. I learn each day that I can choose to confirm the love I am or give reign to the hardness I am not – no choice really, but each day I learn more how this operates and drop another layer of hardness to allow more love – it doesn’t ever stop and shows that the love we are and are from is stupendous and so much more that we can sometimes envision and imagine, and that is what I’ve learned through the inspiration and example of Serge Benhayon.
How did we become so critical of ourselves and others? I feel we have this misplaced idea that we are being truthful when we are very hard on ourselves about our perceived failures. It is good to understand where we are at yet it is also more loving to be very kind to ourselves and others. It is also part of truth to see how beautiful and gorgeous we are and to deeply appreciate how far we have come. I appreciate the shining man full of humour that you are Mark Payne, and I only know you from afar.
Mark, there is so much truth in what you offer here, ‘ through truth that I return to love’ is such a cornerstone of our journey back to us, as that’s what it is, a return to who we truly are, a discarding of all the old habits and behaviours that are not us. I love your honesty about how you came to a place where you realised that you had been judging yourself, and your understanding that that was a choice you were making, no-one else – this is so empowering to feel and see that it is often us who hold ourselves back, that we don’t need to do this, and through loving support and dedication to truth we can let this go. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
So beautiful to read this blog Mark, the openness in which you share is refreshing and showing the truth of love. There is no reason to not express, even when there are things and behaviours that you don’t like from yourself. It is beautiful to talk about them and go out there showing ourself is very healing.
This sharing is very honest and open Mark making it easy to relate to . I know for quite a while I felt some discomfort in attending the Universal Medicine Presentations. This was not to do with anyone else just my judgement on myself . It is beautiful to look back and see the road travelled and the wonderful changes we have all made through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and our connecting to God.
It’s beautiful to feel your developing self-awareness and growing appreciation of yourself and others Mark. I can relate to being extremely hard on myself also in the past and now understand the impact that has on others because as you say if we’re hard on ourselves we’re hard on others also.
‘Appreciation became a focus and as I deepened this awareness I was able to feel the beauty in others – they are just like me.’ I too have found appreciation to be a key to deepening the love for myself and all my relationships. Thank you Mark your story is beautifully honest and inspiring.
The part that stood out for me was “It became very clear that it wasn’t just about attending the events: I had to develop how I lived every moment, caring for myself in every little choice I made.” When we get to feel and choose truth as our way of living, we feel the responsibility of our choices.
Wow, what commitment to you, you have Mark. A commitment to knowing and recognising love at the core, and this is what pulled you over the threshold, through all the barriers that keep you separated from it to impede movement back to reconnecting fully with all that you are. A fine example of how Love always conquers.
Reading this blog, I could feel there is an area in my life where my being honest could be stretched further. It is very inspiring and humbling to feel how vulnerability is a great ally to us being totally honest and open with ourselves, and others.
I love reading how you took responsibility for your uncomfortable feelings and then made the choice to look at what was holding you back from simply being who you are. A great inspiration Mark, thanks.
So, so beautiful to read Mark, your honesty and openness are deeply felt, It was great to read that no matter how hard it was for you to stay at the events, you kept coming back, back to the love you were held in by Serge and back to your own love.
I love the end sentence: and it is through truth that I return to love.’ This is so true. I am feeling this equally. How beautiful to know and see that we ourselves can change, and look honest at how we are living, at our own time being. When we are ready, as you showed us you were. It does not matter how long it makes you get there, as eventually we all will come to a point of change. Thank you Universal Medicine, for standing by all our sides!
Mark I truly admire your courage to continue down the path of Love and truth through your involvement with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayons presentations. It initially takes a truly honest look at how we are living and an appreciation of the support we receive from those around us in the Universal Medicine Student body, who have also questioned why we are here at times, but to me it is like coming home to the truth.
Well said Amanda ‘No matter how far from love we have lived, no matter how disregarding we have been, there is always, always a way back to love. We can choose this anytime and that is awesome.’ We can choose love and make changes or we can choose self-judgement or criticism as an excuse to delay choosing to live more honestly.
Mark I’ve appreciated re-reading your honest account of your experiences. Today the word that resonates for me is appreciation. It is so important to appreciate how far I have come as this energizes me to make the changes/adjustments that are there for me to make right now.
Katie I have the same experience when reading Mark’s writing. The honesty is incredibly healing, as it opens me to bring more honesty to how I live.
This is what I feel too, Mark’s openness and honesty is very very healing.
Dear Mark what you write here is so very healing for many of us, if not all of us. How many of us get caught up in critical self judgment seeing everything we do as a failure and continuously burying us deeper and deeper into loneliness and seclusion with seemingly no way out. Through Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon we are shown another way, a way out of these self created dilemmas, starting to see the beauty in us and around us, and see that there is a way to live without all the personal drama that we are so used to in this world.
Thank you Mark for expressing so honestly the humbleness of living our simple truth. The love, the letting go, the acceptance and your sharing is truly healing.
I remember the very first presentation I attended by Serge Benhayon, I felt totally transparent, as he was presenting in his truth and I was having to deal with the fact that my life was not at the time about or even close to truth. And every time Serge Benhayon looked my way I felt he knew everything about me, and yet he never judged one thing about my life.
Mark that was really an open and honest blog and I have to admit that it was especially your honesty what got me. I found your words very inspiring and they were opening up my heart immediately. Your awesome blog helped remind me that honesty is all we need to be in contact with ourselves.
I appreciate the honesty in your sharing Mark and I can relate to so much of what you share. It paints a beautiful picture of spirit and soul in action. When spirit (that which is not love) has its hold over us we can feel separate, alone, isolated – in its very design it is intended for us to feel this way, but as we start to align to our soul, by way of our loving choices, so too does our connection with people and the world around us. This is natural order. Beautiful.
“Hearing the truth that Serge Benhayon presented connected with the deepest part of me and I knew I couldn’t stay away.” This sentence resonated deeply with me. When I first attended presentations by Serge Benhayon I felt like a fish out of water but also that I couldn’t stay away and had a thirst to get back into the swim of the truth I was hearing. 9 years on and I am learning to hear and feel the truth in my own body of all that is presented by Serge Benhayon and can feel the love of the family of humanity that are all seeking the same truth and love.
Mark thank you, I deeply appreciate your honesty. I’m reminded of my own early struggle with attending Universal Medicine events, I would be all set to go and then find some excuse not to attend. A deep regret and sadness, a yearning in my heart would always ensue as every part of my being other than my mind in that moment knew, felt and aligned to the absolute love and truth on offer.
This passage particularly brought back some uncomfortable feelings for me Mark: ‘my unloving way of living was being exposed and it felt like everyone could see what I was experiencing’, as I can remember feeling this when I first attended Universal Medicine events. It was as though I had been stripped bare of all the protection I had been carrying around with me for so long – the pretence and the shame. However, I realised at the same time that there was this wonderful feeling of freedom as I gradually peeled away the layers of ‘what was not me’ and found out that I was not so different from everyone else.
Congratulations for the perseverance Mark, and thank you for sharing so openly and honestly the struggle you had. It can be such a struggle at times to face up to one’s responsibilities and so it is very inspiring to read of your experience.
” ….it is through truth that I return to love.” Awesome blog Mark. I have been allowing myself to feel a lot more truth lately and this has been very healing. I am amazed by how freeing and wonderful it feels to acknowledge the truth even when it shows I have been living a humungous lie.
Truth for me is also the way to go to love. When I meet truth, than I know that there is love as well to be discovered.
I loved your honesty in sharing the feelings of self judgment you initially had when attending the Universal Medicine events, and how you gradually began to feel the fullness and beauty of who you truly are.
Beautiful sharing Mark.
Thank you Mark, this blog holds a deeply healing message for us all. Your willingness to be vulnerable in sharing the truth from such depth of your life, offers reflection of true strength.
“Appreciation became a focus”. This is my experience also Mark. When I started to appreciate myself it opened my eyes to others and the minute ways I appreciate them. Thank you.
Thank you Mark for honestly sharing how it truly was for you and the moment by moment changes you made in coming to accept yourself for the love that you are.
Thanks mark for this wonderfully honest blog. I too had aa hard time at the start, going along to Universal Medicine events, I was so far out of my comfort zone having never been to any sort of workshops like that before, whereas most of the other people seem to have done some sort of spiritual new age thing or other type of modality.
And yet, here you are, kevmchardy, even though it may have been uncomfortable at first. That shows to me just how Universal Medicine is unlike any of the spiritual or new age things out there, and how it is inclusive of all from any walk of life.