When I was younger I used to apologise for everything. I used to say sorry to people at work before I asked them a question – like my manager, even if it was to do with my job! I used to say sorry to people if we bumped into each other on the street, even if they bumped into me. Sorry was a word that would automatically jump out of my mouth if I wasn’t sure about anything.
I had totally forgotten about this until I remembered the other day how much I used to apologise for just being me.
I knew this felt horrible in my body and my posture would also reflect this: my shoulders would be tense and curled inwards, my chest would feel caved in and a bit hollow and my back would be a bit slouched.
At the time, I would think to myself, “but why am I apologising for asking a question?” or “why do I see myself less than others so much?” In truth it would make me feel a bit pathetic, but I felt I just had to accept it as I thought that was the way I was and I didn’t know how to change.
Looking at this now, I can also see that it had to do with confidence as well, or lack of confidence in myself.
However, the other day something happened that made me remember this – how I used to apologise for everything – and I could appreciate how much I have changed since this time.
I now know and feel I am equal to everyone, which is massive in itself as a lot of the time I felt less than others. I no longer say sorry before asking a question and I feel a lot more claimed within me. When I say claimed it is a strength from within, a part of me I have re-connected to that I had forgotten about or didn’t feel I could connect to.
I feel stronger within my body, more confident, more present and am not afraid to ask questions or answer them. Also my body posture has changed a lot. My shoulders are not up by my ears anymore, they have dropped, feel more relaxed and are not hunched forward, my chest feels more open instead of feeling hollow and my spine feels stronger and my back straighter.
I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.
So what has changed in between forever apologising, with little confidence, to now?
The biggest and main support in my life, when I reflect on each moment and change, is the Sacred Esoteric Healing Courses presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I have been attending over the last 9 years.
Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.
With the healing modalities I have been able to feel and see what I have been holding onto within my body that was not truly me, or did not serve me in how I was living and expressing with others – from ill ideals and beliefs to patterns and behaviours I was living every day, like seeing myself less than others, or apologising for being me.
Through this, as well as making other choices in my life such as committing to life and what I am doing / job I am in (I used to continually want to run away from everything I was doing and not fully commit), these changes have come about.
Another really important subject that has been presented by Universal Medicine is movement and the way we move; if we are purposeful and present (body and mind together) with each move we make, to the best of our ability, be it filling up the kettle to make a cup of tea or walking to a door, this can bring about a true confidence and commitment that is felt deep within the body, giving us something tangible we can build from.
For me this is such a big step and change from how I used to be. It is still a work in progress and at times I may fall into old patterns, but this is very rare and I know there will always be an opportunity to evolve and be more of me if I am willing to let go of what I know is not me.
I am continually inspired by the teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon family, Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine Practitioners: they are true role models, living and walking what they talk and present – showing us all there is a more fulfilling and loving way to live and be.
By Vicky, Youth Worker, London