When I was younger I used to apologise for everything. I used to say sorry to people at work before I asked them a question – like my manager, even if it was to do with my job! I used to say sorry to people if we bumped into each other on the street, even if they bumped into me. Sorry was a word that would automatically jump out of my mouth if I wasn’t sure about anything.
I had totally forgotten about this until I remembered the other day how much I used to apologise for just being me.
I knew this felt horrible in my body and my posture would also reflect this: my shoulders would be tense and curled inwards, my chest would feel caved in and a bit hollow and my back would be a bit slouched.
At the time, I would think to myself, “but why am I apologising for asking a question?” or “why do I see myself less than others so much?” In truth it would make me feel a bit pathetic, but I felt I just had to accept it as I thought that was the way I was and I didn’t know how to change.
Looking at this now, I can also see that it had to do with confidence as well, or lack of confidence in myself.
However, the other day something happened that made me remember this – how I used to apologise for everything – and I could appreciate how much I have changed since this time.
I now know and feel I am equal to everyone, which is massive in itself as a lot of the time I felt less than others. I no longer say sorry before asking a question and I feel a lot more claimed within me. When I say claimed it is a strength from within, a part of me I have re-connected to that I had forgotten about or didn’t feel I could connect to.
I feel stronger within my body, more confident, more present and am not afraid to ask questions or answer them. Also my body posture has changed a lot. My shoulders are not up by my ears anymore, they have dropped, feel more relaxed and are not hunched forward, my chest feels more open instead of feeling hollow and my spine feels stronger and my back straighter.
I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.
So what has changed in between forever apologising, with little confidence, to now?
The biggest and main support in my life, when I reflect on each moment and change, is the Sacred Esoteric Healing Courses presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I have been attending over the last 9 years.
Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.
With the healing modalities I have been able to feel and see what I have been holding onto within my body that was not truly me, or did not serve me in how I was living and expressing with others – from ill ideals and beliefs to patterns and behaviours I was living every day, like seeing myself less than others, or apologising for being me.
Through this, as well as making other choices in my life such as committing to life and what I am doing / job I am in (I used to continually want to run away from everything I was doing and not fully commit), these changes have come about.
Another really important subject that has been presented by Universal Medicine is movement and the way we move; if we are purposeful and present (body and mind together) with each move we make, to the best of our ability, be it filling up the kettle to make a cup of tea or walking to a door, this can bring about a true confidence and commitment that is felt deep within the body, giving us something tangible we can build from.
For me this is such a big step and change from how I used to be. It is still a work in progress and at times I may fall into old patterns, but this is very rare and I know there will always be an opportunity to evolve and be more of me if I am willing to let go of what I know is not me.
I am continually inspired by the teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon family, Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine Practitioners: they are true role models, living and walking what they talk and present – showing us all there is a more fulfilling and loving way to live and be.
By Vicky, Youth Worker, London
Further Reading:
In the Picture: Universal Medicine, Confidence and Knowing I Matter
Developing Confidence in Myself and My Business
What is the ‘Sacred’ in ‘Sacred Esoteric Healing’?
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
‘I used to continually want to run away from everything I was doing and not fully commit’ This is already a form of escape and checking out which, if it were allowed to run its course, could easily become dementia later in life.
We can choose to move in life as if something is missing in us and we constantly apologize for simply being. Lack of self worth in expression. Healing this is not that easy but accepting who you are and finding beauty in you and allowing others to observe it makes an enormous difference in how you move.
What does an apology actually truely do? I am wondering. As a sorry is often a word more than an action of not repeating that behavior or action ever again.. Often we apologize more to make us feel small in comparison of the other so that we show another that we are willing to compromise to make another feel better. This is interesting to observe in our own ways.
It is amazing how often we apologise for things that there is nothing to apologise over, as we connect deeper within ourselves we become more confident in our own knowing, and there is never any need to apologise for being ourselves.
And the beautiful thing I hear in reading your story Vicky, is you reconnected to you and expressed more of you, no fixing or betterment, just a greater unfoldment of who you naturally are.
Being an apologist is a bit like being nice. It looks ‘lovely’, like you are being polite and considerate of others, yet being on the giving and receiving end I can see how controlling these behaviours are. There is nothing nice or apologetic about the grandness of who we really are, so anything else is just a tactic to get through this life in safety and comfort.
The Sacred Esoteric Healing Courses have also been an amazing support for myself as I have changed so much in the last 7 years since I started attending them. I feel tons lighter, and I look much younger too! And things that used to bother or agitate me, don’t touch me now, as my life has direction with connecting to and understanding purpose. And life makes so much more sense.
“I am continually inspired by the teachings and presentation of Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon family, Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine Practitioners: they are true models, living and walking what they talk and present – showing us all there is more fulfilling and living way to live and be” – I and many others could not have agreed with you more Vicky.
My life has and continually changed the deeper I go within myself and become more acquainted to myself. The reality is we are not who we represent, we are more and equal to all.
The amount of time that I have apologised for someone else bumping into me….I can not count…I am from the UK and I think we have a big habit of this…I used to be infuriated by it but still say sorry and then be annoyed that I had said sorry. I also have stopped playing small, we are here to shine, every one of us and we do not need to hide or compromise who we are. Yes Universal Medicine is inspiring and inspires this empowerment. Love It.
“Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.” And now you are a role model for others.
‘I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.’ Vicky You are such an amazing present for all the people you meet, work with, live with, meet on the street etc. I am looking forward to your before and after captured in pictures.
Isn’t it interesting when we realise that what we think is being ‘polite’ is in fact a really ugly way of being, toward ourselves. So many of us apologise for being who we are, not wanting to upset people, or to avoid jealousy we apologise for being good at something or for simply even being OK in the world when we know others around us are not. But there is no support for others when we shy away from being who we are, when we apologise, we basically say to the other person that they too should apologise for being themselves, and so the cycle continues.
Sacred Esoteric Healing is a deeply supportive modality offering the space to be much more aware of our whole body and energetically what we may be holding onto that isn’t actually true to who we are in essence, and from that we have the opportunity to let go of harming behaviours we may have been holding and let out more of who we truly are instead.
Allowing ourselves to feel that natural presence and that true graceful authority that comes from that connection within and the knowing of who we truly are, this is what brings truth and a foundation of true connection in our lives.
Chris James, It is if I hear your voice saying these words and I cannot but feel the truth of it and take them in and… the words ‘true graceful authourity’ are just beautiful!
What is profound that by simply being honest we can shift things around completely. We think that high and heavy changes occur when big things happen.. but actually it is the small things that make it big. I love how simple it is to reflect at your own behaviors and choices in life and how we can do this by simply observing ourselves.
When we say sorry we actually do not claim ourselves and the abundance of love that we, equally to all others, are.
Very true Nico, that is the other aspect of always saying sorry, we miss out on the grandness of who we are.
Indeed Jacqueline, saying sorry is not who we are, it is learned behavior.
It’s amazing what we can realise by reconnecting back with our body and innermost and with that give ourselves the opportunity to let go of behaviours that actually don’t feel true to who we are in essence. Sacred Esoteric Healing is a beautiful modality that helps facilitate this reconnection and discarding of what isn’t truly from who we are in our innermost.
When someone is living who they truly are and being real to all that is them in what they feel and don’t feel, it is a blessing and refreshing to be with them because you can feel them. These people put a smile on my face just thinking about them. You know .. pondering on this – is everyone being who they are as far as they are aware of? How can we judge or not have understanding? And it does a full circle to not judge or have understanding for yourself – its the reflection we receive when we do not like in another because of something. That something is what we do not like about ourselves – it’s our judgement on ourselves. I see it as we must admire who we are before we set out to do something as this carries into what we are ‘doing’. Basically to not hold back what you feel. The world is our playground for us to discover and then admire who we truly are.
I have loved re-reading this blog Vicky. In my late thirties I can remember realising that from my early teens, the trust in myself was unknown and it was if I was constantly apologising to everyone and everything for even breathing. Thankfully, this is no longer true today, thanks to being deeply inspired to breathe my own breath and value myself from attending presentations by Universal Medicine.
Being apologetic is a common behaviour for women. As you have shared, we apologise even when there is nothing to apologise for. It is feels like part of the role we play as women of the submissive, ‘good’ person. It was lovely to read about the changes you have found and how powerful conscious presence and changes in your posture can be to let go of the ‘less than’ patterns of behaviour.
‘At the time, I would think to myself, “but why am I apologising for asking a question?” or “why do I see myself less than others so much?” In truth it would make me feel a bit pathetic, but I felt I just had to accept it as I thought that was the way I was and I didn’t know how to change’. I can relate to this pathetic feeling and also feel how much there has changed in my life since meeting Serge Benhayon and applying the wisdom he lives and brings through in all he shares with the world. Now and then I hear myself apologising and then I just have to smile in myself about slipping into this old movement, joyfully change my movement and accept the opportunity to move on.
I notice so many people apologise almost constantly! It is most often women as well, it is great to read how you turned this around and now have a real appreciation for yourself and how you are equal to all.
Only this morning (whilst ironing!) I was reflecting on everything I have been given to date, and continue to be given by Universal Medicine. The modalities I have both learnt and had access to via practitioners have supported me to literally clear everything out of my body and being that is not me, ill ideals, beliefs, patterns, resentment, blame and have been an absolute blessing. When we have access to such gold it is never just for us but for all and I could feel the responsibility I have to make sure every single person has the same access to true healing as I have had.
That is really beautiful to read Vicky, it is true we need to appreciate fully what we have had offered to us and how much it has positively impacted our lives.
What an amazing transformation Vicky. I feel your deep connection and solidness with you and how you living this has allowing you to be clearer and more present in your day to day life. And you note movement, how we move, how we are with ourselves and within ourselves sets us up for how we are with others and the world around us, the more we can be present in each moment the more we have that solidness behind us in the world.
How awesome, Vicky, to have made these changes in your life and to keep making them, to keep appreciating how much things have shifted. It’s appreciating all of the little things we do – the way we walk, move, make a cup of tea or type an email.. when we bring presence and purpose to what we do, it totally changes how we feel in that moment, and the more we do it, the more that feeling of connection and enjoyment builds.
A gorgeous appreciation Vicky, of your reclaiming and returning to who you are. It is empowering to feel our connection to who we are as we realise that there is absolutely nothing to apologise for when we bring our loving presence to the lives we live. It is in fact a blessing for us all and there is nothing more healing in this world than our loving movements and imprints.
Reading this Vicky took me back to how I used to constantly apologise a well. Making myself less and playing small was a game I used to hide from the world, learning to let go of this pattern and to live and move in a way that is more honouring of me has been an absolute blessing and a game changer in many ways.
I can relate to all you have mentioned about apologising Vicky and being with Universal Medicine with courses, books and retreats has changed my life and my movements. The way in which we move is super important. Every movement done in presence is a commitment to life and is felt in the body.. work in progress as my mind is always very willing to take over and leave the body behind but I know how to come back by just changing my movements.
Thank you Vicky, one of the greatest realizations for me too since attending Universal Medicine is the power that we all hold through movement of our bodies, it is amazing as something so simple has the power to shift and dispel so much in our lives, which is not done in truth. This is a constant exploration and the more I commit to develop such a quality within myself the more life just opens up and flows like never before.
Beautifully said Francisco – ‘This is a constant exploration and the more I commit to develop such a quality within myself the more life just opens up and flows like never before.’ The more we are guided by our connection to who we are, our Soul, the more we are moved by a quality that is in accordance to the pulse of the universe… and what an exquisite quality to explore.
This is such a brilliant blog Vicky, as you have named a ‘disease’ that affects a huge proportion of the population, especially women – ‘sorry for being me and daring to say anything’. It affects our expression hugely and thus will end in throat and head disease. Our whole society has been stratified in a way that there are ‘the most important’ people at the top, going down in scale until we hit ‘the least important’ – this occurs in our work situations, in the wider community, in politics, and in our personal relationships.
I have a friend who is in her nineties and when she rings up she says’ It’s only me’ in an apologetic sort of way. This is a strong amazing woman and it is painful to hear her say that.
“Sorry, I am only me” is a very strong statement presiding over a pattern of movement. It means, this who you are seeing has said no to be Divine and hence what you get is a reduced version of myself which will not provide any reflection that may disturb you by asking to be more.
There definately is a way that is loving to life – that is in the power of your heart. In the many colors, angles, curves you shine.
I can very much relate to what you are sharing here Vicky and also deeply appreciate how immensely my life has changed. The Esoteric Healing Modalities and all that Universal Medicine brings are so very helpful and supporting to see life clearer and bring true joy and vitality back into our lives.
I used to be an apologist in the past, and what I found has helped me to break away from that pattern is the constant appreciation that I now live with in my movements that has allowed me to set a standard of my own worth and acceptance of who I am.
A beautiful sharing Vicky – thank you.
When we apologize often we make ourselves small or hard, in this way we override what we feel and stand for – even though we might feel sorry for what we have chosen. That is never an excuse to put ourselves less or down. This is something I am learning at the moment. As the more space we give ourselves to learn to more easy life will be – as we will fall and stand up constantly.
Thank you, Vicky for a great sharing. Looking back now on my life I was like you, always apologising for this that and the other, saying sorry for needing to ask someone something and as you said it was pathetic, but like you I had no self-confidence, I was holding myself as less than another. This too has changed for me since coming to Universal Medicine I am gradually claiming more of me by connecting to and being more in my body, with tenderness and care.
I work in hospitality and sometimes when I bring new people on board they are prone to over apologise for themselves and to customers. I always tell new staff that there is nothing to be sorry for, that they are doing a great job and that customers are blessed to be served by them. One of the things that makes customers worried ironically is if they hear you saying sorry all the time, it can make them feel unsafe. You can be very warm without putting yourself down, even if you have sold out of a meal or there is a wait, it does not mean you need to get down on your knees; it can be a loving, a fun interaction.
The changes you have shared are a miracle. Most people get stuck in a pattern of behaviour and never get out of it or they take steps to change the outside (assertiveness training etc) but do not change the root cause. Being apologetic is common especially for women. The equality and vastness that you get to reconnect to at Universal Medicine events or modalities completely debases these ideas and allows us to gradually accept that is not who we are.
For a long time I felt less than others and also that others could do things better than me, so I totally give my power away. I became aware of my old habits and patterns by doing the Sacred Esoteric Healing Courses which cleared so much that was stuck in my body.
Taking stock of the choices we have made not only allows us to appreciate ourselves more but also supports us to build a more solid foundation that backs us up when things come up in life meeting them head on without compromising the quality of our beingness.
Our movements and our posture reflect so much and it is amazing to witness people standing tall in the world and confidently expressing from the depth of who they are. So inspiring and the ripples of these expressions offer much needed role models to humanity particularly for our young people.
I love the claiming in the title of this blog and that you do not qualify being confident you just are. Awesome transformation from apologising for your existence to reflecting to others how to express from who you are with no holding back.
I find it interesting how saying ‘sorry’ is usually by women – for breathing, walking in the street, out grocery shopping (‘I am sorry to bother you, but do you have….’), getting out of the way on a pavement to let men pass and so on. Living in equal-ness with all others just cuts this insidious and detrimental behaviour.
You reminded me that I still at times apologise when I don’t really need to! I will be more aware of this from now on. Why would we need to apologise when there is no reason to? I can see now that I am not fully valuing myself and not in the livingness of equality.
Why if we were in our right mind would we ever apologize for simply being ourselves? It’s crazy.
So many people apologise for their presence, I have noticed this in myself and others. It’s like, I’m sorry I’m here and taking up this space. I have found that the more that I am able to appreciate myself the more this drops away as I am more able to recognise what I bring to situations. This also offers others the space to value themselves too.
How we feel about ourselves comes out through the way we hold and move our body, and through how we express with words. So much is communicated when we pay attention to the details, really listen, and read between the lines or the quality of space between each expression.
Beautifully said Chan. I observed this the other day whilst driving down a high street how people walked and moved reflected how they were feeling. It felt like some were carrying old sacks of rubbish around just in their walking. If we don’t heal our hurts or deal with our issues alongside low self confidence and self esteem etc this is bound to reflect in the way we move. In fact I am really appreciating this right now in writing this comment and have realised the more I address and deal with issues, hurts etc the stronger and more confident I feel within myself and my body … hence no longer apologising to others for just being me.
Yes Vicky. I know this one well – apologising for being alive. I have largely let this one go now, as you have too, but I noticed the other day that I went into it a bit. It was interesting to clock that. More and more I have been fully backing myself even if I am wrong. Then if I see that I have been wrong about something I can then apologise, and I feel it is necessary to offer an apology to someone (not be ‘apologetic’), fully claiming my own presence and light. Here apology has a place, not in the way that we have been using it in the past.
The quality of our movements determines the quality of our everyday life experiences, this is a fact and offers us the opportunity to take responsibility and charge of the way we meet life on a daily basis.
And the quality of our expression affects the quality of our next movement. Everything is connected and everything counts.
“I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.” I can relate to this Vicky and in truth it shows a real sense of commitment to deepen our relationship with self. The choice to make movements that support this surrender and vulnerability to be as it needs to be, allows the body to reconfigure to its natural state and allow us to be open and express what is there to be shared with apologies.
Is it just me – but sometimes when someone says sorry too easily, too often, too many times – it feels as though they are being passive manipulative.
Mary what a gorgeous comment; I can feel it is truly heartfelt. Looking back I can completely appreciate not just how your and I have changed in many positive ways since knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, but literally hundreds if not thousands of others people’s lives have as well. From going to apologist to confident is one of many many loving unfoldings that have happened within me and my life. I will also say it is truly gorgeous to see how you have evolved and continue to do so; the consistent and dedicated choices you make towards your true evolution do and always will continually inspire me to be more and it is an absolute blessing to know and have you in my life
This is a great topic, Vicky. ‘Sorry’ is such a funny and telling word – completely overused and often in the wrong context as well. ‘Sorry’ that you bumped into me is a classic one I can relate to. While I was aware of the over-sorrying, I never worked on it per se. Rather, by feeling more committed to myself and working on me in general, the sorrying has disappeared.
Mary thank you for your comment it is truly heartfelt. I can absolutely look back and see how not only yourself and i have evolved since first meeting and knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine but literally hundreds if not thousands of others. From going to apologist to confident is just one of the many beautifull changes that have unfolded within me. Without a doubt you are also a huge inspiration to me with regards to the loving choices you continually make towards your true evolution, I have and know I always will continue to learn so much from you, not only that you are a dear friend who I feel completely blessed to know in my life.
“I used to continually want to run away from everything I was doing and not fully commit.” I really know this line! It’s an awful feeling wanting to get away, it feels like a solution but it’s actually so harmful, even to our health. In terms of commitment what I feel for myself is I need to vote in my own favour that I have all that is needed within to meet whatever is before me.
The topic you raise, Vicky, about being apologetic is an important one as it is very common and as you share so well it is hugely detrimental. Sharing your journey to heal that is very inspirational for others who behave similarly as you demonstrate that it is possible to change, overcome and heal the cause of it.
Having known you both since you first met Serge Benhayon it is beautiful to see how you have both grown and changed and are inspirations in your own rights.
Vicky I can so relate. I know the feeling of cowering in people’s presence, and it’s not just a feeling, it’s actually a posture I take on with my body. When I find myself doing this I find it helpful to remind myself to stand up straight and stand to my full height. This makes such a difference, and my behaviour and way of relating to others changes instantly from one of apology to one of confidence.
It is inspiring to feel through what you have shared Vicky, how we naturally become more of our true selves when we choose to be in connection to who we are within. Our bodies continually amaze me of how honestly they do reflect the quality of choices we are making, so when we are living away from who we truly, away from love, are our bodies look deformed reflecting the lovelessness and abuse that we are accepting in our lives. And when we embrace the great love we are within, we move and live with a greater confidence and freedom of expression through our bodies, as we share the joy we are, knowing that this love is equally grand in all.
I can totally relate Vicky… A similar paradigms is having to justify your existence every time you met someone… Boy is this tiring! And again a similar return to connecting with oneself and another paradigms shift with deep gratitude.
I have seen this same apologist behaviour in myself recently too Vicky. It is insidious but it is more in the way we move when we feel this way than it is about the fact we say sorry or apologise a lot. I notice that long before I feel to say sorry in a way that makes me small, I am moving in a way that is contracting my light too. Hence the key I am realising is actually in the quality of how we move and hold ourselves in every moment. Do we walk, talk or move in a way that is honouring our fullness or making ourselves lesser almost apologising for even existing?!
I enjoyed reading this again – it is so simple and understandable and I got a different angle this time. The equality stood out to me, how important it is to hold everyone as equal – not putting anyone above or below who we are. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what we do, how much money we have or the relationships we hold – it’s all about the quality of who we are and the fact that each and every one of us has equal access to God within. You can’t have more of God than another, but we can certainly choose to express and live in a way that makes that access more visible then others.
What Serge Benhayon presents around conscious presence and the quality of our movements is absolute gold – it allows a flow and confidence in the body that is powerful to feel.
It is amazing how our body reflects how we feel about ourselves, by the way our posture is, I have noticed the more I am with myself and with what I am doing the more my body has a sense of solidness a confidence in me, whereas in the past, when I was apologising for this and that or whatever I had no sense of me only one of worthless .
I was very good at apologising for everything and anything too Vicky, and every time the word left my lips it was like a huge hammer came out of the ground and made me drop down and down and down. Once I started to claim my own movements and who I was from my body’s connection I could see a real change in how I carried myself and how I chose to walk and hold my posture. It’s amazing how much changes and shifts in our movements and our expression when we look at how we are living and what may be holding us back from being all of who we are. I love observing myself and my movements; it’s a great learning tool.
Everything is shown in the body, by the way we move and hold ourselves. Nothing is hidden, even if we think we are doing a good job of hiding our feelings/insecurities about life, the body tells the full story. It’s amazing to witness the changes the body naturally makes when changes are made to the way we live. My posture too, has changed dramatically since feeling and expressing my truth and walking in more glory.
Thats really gorgeous to hear Rachael.
I love that you have shared that our movements have a huge impact on the way we feel and then onto how we speak. More and more I am noticing how my thoughts are affected by if I am slouching, rigid etc. As I am writing I can feel the way my body would move and be shaped if I were to be in an apologetic way of being. Its small shoulders drooped, almost given up.
There are ways we can be an apologist. We can say sorry before our sentences because we lack self-worth or don’t value what we have to bring. We can also apologise to hide the fact that we are really hurt or outraged with the way the world is. It is far easier when we develop steadiness within ourselves, stop blaming people or the world and simply express what we see and feel, in consideration of all.
Such a joy to read Vicky. We are all naturally confident when we get that knowing of ourselves and who we are again.
Apologizing for ourselves is a betrayal of the light that we come from. In truth and in essence we are magnificent beings and when we apologize for our existence we are denying that light.
Beautifully said and very true Elizabeth.
Universal Medicine has presented the science of energy to the world and one of the great revelations that has been presented that has really supported me, is that we carry energetic configurations in our bodies which attract us back to keep making the same choices over and over again, even if we know they are not so good for us. This is why true energetic healing is so important for this can clear the configurations from our bodies and actually give us the freedom to make a truly free choice, one not affected by the familiarity of our previous choices, movements and configurations.
What a beacon of light you are Vicky in and for a country that is very keen on saying “sorry”. By feeling you they know they do not have to apologize every so often.
“Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.” Hear, hear, Vicky and the beauty of rediscovering the love that we are.
I have met people that apologise for existing, I try and tell them that they don’t have to be sorry, then they thank me profusely, followed by more sorrys of course. It is truly incredible that you have been able to discover your true power and break out of this crutch of apologising.
I love this blog Vicky, I can certainly relate to what you’ve shared here about how our inner state affects our posture and how we move. Being more aware of this and being supported to unravel the ways in which I’ve held myself back or not expressed what I was really feeling to has been incredibly healing for me and continues to be as I learn more each day. How we move and hold ourself makes such a difference, it’s like our own medicine or poison.
Reading this Vicky alerted me to my posture and how I was sitting. Might seem small and insignificant and perhaps a bit literal, but I feel it’s more than that. Standing tall in who I am, we are, is everything for our every movement, even the one where we are sitting and not physically moving is an expression of how we are with ourselves.
This is simple yet very powerful when we choose to live this way ‘I now know and feel I am equal to everyone.’ I also spent a great deal of life apologising for who I was; I was constantly confirming to others it was ok to play less. Learning to let go of this pattern has been huge for me as well, building the connection with myself has been key to deepening the love for myself that has allowed me to feel more confident and equal to others.
This is beautiful Vicky and comes with so much honesty and wisdom and is very inspiring . Our true confidence comes from within with our connection to ourselves and the strength and power form this is remarkable. I love the changes you have made and the joy from this is true healing and medicine.
I loved reading this today, it is a great reminder of how our confidence is a reflection of our ability to live who we truly are.
Love what you have shared Vicky, I can so relate to the apologising, saying sorry for just about everything, those days, for me thankfully have passed, and when I look back I am amazed how little value and worth i had for myself. I appreciate the changes and choices I have made in my life, feeling and accepting that there is much by way of love to claim within me.
Consistently building and deepening our movements can change our expression from apologist and protection to one of love, joy and confidence. To feel the difference from our body is one I adore exploring.
We act the packages we have to such an extent that we believe that we are the packages we have. The esoteric modalities are key to realise that the packages we act are not us and to start working to free ourselves from them.
For years I held onto old patterns, habits and behaviours that did not serve me at all or others for that matter as I could not relate or connect to others and in fact kept people at a safe distance which harmed myself. In attending the Sacred Esoteric healing courses presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have let go of so much of my old ways and as I have, I began to make many new lifestyle changes that truly supported my body as I slowly began to self-nurture and self-love.
Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself. This is also my experience, I feel blessed to have found my way to the teachings of Universal Medicine and the Ageless Wisdom.
It is incredible to feel the change when we look back at our past. Everything changes when we choose to commit more to life and feel the vitality and love that is within.
It’s really cool how much the body changes and will adjust to how we are living. With learning to be more open and stand in your power, the body naturally opens and strengthens. It’s very beautiful to read the detail in which this happened to you Annie – a confirmation to me that the body is always there for us, to support and foster a new way as I step up and out into the world to be seen.
Continually apologising for nothing much at all, the posture of being apologetic for one’s very existence, does indeed affect our posture, just as you describe it in your article. And then there is the false confidence of course which is not based on presence and anchored in the body and presents its own chain reaction of mental, emotional and physical consequences.
It is empowering to discover that we when truly begin to accept who we are in essence, we then can begin to appreciate how gorgeous we truly are. Being ourselves is a natural expression of the love we are and the more we stop, connect to and appreciate this truth, that who we are within is naturally magnificent, we then move in a way that honors all that we are without hesitation, without apology.
when we do start to feel that amazing sense of equality, our lives cannot help but change and this naturally reflects to all those around us.
Vicky,
I love how you share that by keeping your mind with your body has brought a greater level of confidence into your life, how simple is that, how powerful to share this with the world.
Vicky, I feel your commitment to see and feel all those patterns which did not serve you ‘there will always be an opportunity to evolve and be more of me if I am willing to let go of what I know is not me’ and that’s the key for all of us, to let go of those things we know are not us, and be willing to change those things we do which may feed that. It changes everything in how we are with ourselves and with another, really it’s about us being in our own skins living that without apology in the world and the more we say yes to that the more we are us in the world.
Beautiful to read about the change you made, and see that it is all in the movement of how we are in life. It is letting us self feel the amazing human beings we are. And allowing this to shine out, allowing others in and letting ourselves out.
The way I move says everything about how I am in my life. Whether I am holding onto an old belief or hurt from the past, or feeling depressed, it is felt and seen in my movements. Since I am aware how my movements have an effect on everything I am choosing to feel my body and how my posture is and change this when it feels old and not supportive anymore. It is amazing to feel how light my body can be and move.
Yes Vicky, the way we move makes the difference. I’m also paying more attention to my movements and I can observe the tension that I’ve accumulated there during all of my life. This is not comfortable to feel, but offers me the opportunity to rectify and claim my presence in everything I do. It’s beautiful to see the changes that are happening in my body by simply allowing me to be who I am.
“I now know and feel I am equal to everyone, which is massive in itself as a lot of the time I felt less than others.” I agree this is enormous, particularly as it is so ‘normal’ in this world to compete, which lets us believe that inequality is normal too.
When I am connected with me there is no way I feel apologetic – nor would I accept another making themselves less than who they naturally are.
It’s great to reflect on just how my life has changed also, as a teen and young woman I would apologise for things that I wasn’t responsible for, I even felt uncomfortable to take up the space I occupied. I just carried this awful sense of wrongness in myself. Nowadays whilst that is all gone and I relish being me I feel apologising has taken on a more subtle form, which is me at times holding the fullness of myself back, apologising for being so bright and powerful. I’m acutely aware that this makes others uncomfortable and here is the issue – I take responsibility for how others feel, which my state of being is not responsible for.
When we reconnect to the love within us we know it is not just us and then, feeling less than another or apologising for being who you are; on the contrary we have a deep knowing that we are all connected and equal to others as true sons of God.
I can totally relate to the apologist Vicky! To me it appears that when we start to see all of Humanity as one and equal brothers,this need to apologise for existing will change.
I so agree with what you have shared here Roslyn ‘when we start to see all of Humanity as one and equal brothers, this need to apologise for existing will change.’
Expressing something really felt does not need apologies. It is not natural to do this.
‘I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way’. Openness and transparency, freeing us up to be all we can be.
It’s interesting what you shared about the power of movement with purpose and how this has supported you to transform your life like you have… developing a confidence within, knowing how to be in the world and expressing from there.
Vicky, it is amazing how so many of us walk around and live our lives apologising being here! It is crazy and makes no sense what so ever. We even apologise when we are doing amazing. I know if someone bumps into me often my first reaction is to say sorry yet it was the other person in this instance who bumped into me. We are all equally amazing and no one should ever hold back or apologise for this, doing so shows the world the lie that we are less and nothing changes.
Vicky, you’ve just alerted me to the fact that I apologise unnecessarily. I realise I do this particularly at work and you’re right, it feels as though I do it because I see myself as less than the person I am speaking with which is completely untrue! I will take note of this going forward!!
That is the beauty of the presentations by Universal Medicine – we get to see for ourselves that the limitations we have capped ourselves with are entirely of our own doing – which means we can entirely undo them again. It is also possible to realise that those limitations are just imposed and not actually us at all, which then paves the way to unfolding the potential of the grandness of who we truly are.
There are a lot of moments in the day when we can choose to go either two ways- go further into a pattern or open up to more love- the more I pay attention and have fun with this the more opportunities I realise are there- when I close of to this things become hard and a battle.
There are so many people who literally apologise for their existence in the way that they talk, move and think . There are of course others who push and bluster and manipulate their way through everything. It really doesn’t matter where we are coming from… We’ll need to know where we truly come from, and who we truly are, so that instead of pushing a bow wave of dysfunction in front of us, we are emanating a light that enables others to find their way home.
I still catch myself apologising in situations where I shouldn’t be, and it does feel horrible, it is great to not make ourselves lesser than anyone else for in truth we are all equal and apologies should not occur out of meekness or lack of confidence in ourselves, they should only come out if they are heartfelt and necessary.
One of the things I’m experiencing right now is how having a job, committing to life, having a steadiness in life are all linked together. Before I used to feel that life was doing me and I had no real say (feeling like a victim to life and circumstances) but now I’ve chosen to part-take in life, to commit and suddenly things seem to change by themselves.
For those of us who fall into this category Vicky thank you for inspiring us to move from apologist to confident. Saying sorry now has a very different ‘feel’, one of confidence, confirmation and opportunity. Taking responsibility to be confident, vulnerable and transparent; deeply felt in our bodies; is the key to moving from apologist to confident.
Vicky I used to be a ‘sorry’ person too, and now when an apologetic sorry occasionally slips out (I don’t mean the ones that are called for) I really notice and remind myself to not make myself less. In my work I’m a support person, and I have a lot of people who will preface their questions with sorry; it’s like there’s an unspoken rule that to ask for help is to put someone out, but for me it is a pleasure to be of assistance.
Thank you Vicky – I have spent much of my life feeling as though I was apologising for my own existence and there were a lot of ‘sorrys’ thrown in there for good measure. I found that this often made people more aggressive or frustrated with me as the apology accentuated my lack of commitment/responsibility. Now when I say sorry I truly mean it and I do my best to say it in a way that is free of judgment towards myself as I know that it is impossible to be responsible and judgmental at the same time. A true sorry said with love is a beautiful thing.
I too have found Sacred Esoteric Healing modalities amazing. They have supported me to reconnect to the truth of who I am, a Son of God, and allowed me to reconnect to this in daily life. I have a lot of work to do to keep reconnecting but I know the truth that it is there and always there to choose.
Vicky I really love it is through our movements we change everything from how we express and what we think. Though this has been presented to me years ago by Serge Benhayon I’ve resisted and still do. I ever realised how caught up in my head I was or how I gave my head precedent when it was unconnected to what my body was feeling and the wisdom my body naturally is a part of. This has been becoming more apparent as I’ve giving myself permission to be honest and observe how many times I find myself tucked away in my head in thoughts that have nothing to do with where I’m at the moment I’m thinking them. It’s like being a zombie in my own body.
It is through the quality of our movements that we align to the true source of the all, and then we know that everything that we do is not us but is coming through us offering a reflection for the benefit of all our brothers in the world.
Sacred Esoteric Modalities are heaven sent, as they allow us to let go of the layers of hurts that we carried for long tainting our everyday lives with doubt and hardship and finally embrace and connect to the beauty and love of our soul.
It is so liberating to STOP APOLOGISING… excuse me for yelling but gosh it really is a paradigm buster when we can stop.
Our relationship with our bodies is an absolute key here, as you’ve shared so descriptively Vicky. What would happen if we brought awareness to our posture, and presence to our movements and the way we go about them – every day? I’ve learnt so much about the value of true presence with my body through the work of Serge Benhayon, and the modality of Esoteric Yoga in particular. This has been, and continues to be, nothing short of transformational in terms of how I express myself today and the inner confidence I know. I feel so much more solid, and equipped to meet different situations in life – far less anxious…
How extensively we can give our power away through the way in which we move, behave and go about our daily interactions, phew… I also recall apologising for my mere presence at times – wanting to ensure that I didn’t ruffle any feathers, or worse still, receive any disapproving gaze, comment or gesture. Such situations were always where I’d lost myself to others’ expectations and negated valuing who I am first and foremost.
What a powerful transformation Vicky, and I can relate to what has supported you to bring this about. Through the teachings and work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine my own true confidence has also changed dramatically. How could we apologise for being such amazing beings? Answer: only when we’ve forgotten just how amazing we are – reconnect to this, and everything will transform.
The power of our movements and confidence from being in connection with our body and our innermost is quite amazing and really does change our lives. Coming from a way of life apologising for everything I did, and was to learning to love myself and others, and to let go of judging and not feeling good enough, is amazing and beautiful to feel and from this allows a greater understanding and confidence and joy of simply being oneself.
Vicky, I really enjoyed reading this today. And how opportune, as I consider where I go into pleasing others, which feels like another layer of saying sorry and not being true to what I feel and know, but as you say it’s about being present in mind and body in all we do. What I feel with that feeling of being sorry, is it’s a self effacement and a way of turning ourselves down in the expectation of reaction from another, and it’s really a game of control, as in I will show this much but mask the rest of me in a sorry, just in case – but how do we know how the other will react and isn’t that a huge arrogance to presume? Having lived this often until recently it feels great to get a clearer understanding of the games I’ve been playing with sorry and how unneeded and harming it is to me and another when I do so.
It’s amazing to feel the true natural confidence that is expressed and that can be felt when we aren’t apologising for ourselves or our lives.
Amazing reading about your body changes when becoming more confident and less apologetic in life. When we live the true light we are, our body reflects those choices.
Great to hear about the changes that are possible when we consciously live in and with our body and when our movements have purpose.
Having known you for a number years, Vicky, and it is the greatest pleasure to see the beautiful changes you have made within yourself – you now have such a gorgeous presence. You are also a living testament to the veracity of the teachings presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
It is paying attention in the small, that supports the large. Those details of how we are typing on a computer, how we are making a cuppa, walking to the door etc….to be with ourselves, all of us going to make that cuppa, typing this comment, etc.. – it alters everything. The rest of the stuff drops away and we bring all of us, to the one moment. That supports us to bring more and more to each moment because we are not dividing ourselves and being in the past/present/future at the same time. That stresses the body out which creates a feeling of lack of confidence. Thank you for sharing Vicky.
Love the way you describe true confidence and how it is about being connected with our body and being present with what we’re doing, so that we bring all of us to the moment. It feels a much more natural development that way rather than trying to force ourselves to be ‘confident’ with our mind alone.
Universal Medicine’s healing modalities are very powerful. To realise that there had been such a big change in your self confidence is so awesome. When I meet people who are seemingly crushed by life I wonder how they can ever come back from this yet Universal Medicine has account after account of this happening. We are all amazing, loving beings and when we remove those things that have held us back, whether it be fear or ideals and beliefs or lack of confidence, the true loving being is allowed to blossom.
I love your blog Vicky as it is so relatable and so exposing to the fact that many of us have been brought up to be ‘sorry’ for being us and ‘sorry’ for our actions. ‘Sorry’ has been the way many of of us have lived our lives over eons – sorry is now so last season – claiming it is our future and present every time we choose it.
I’ve definitely found the beauty is in the fine details of our movements and the simplest tasks we do in our daily lives. Even though we may see these as small task like washing the dishes or vacuuming a room but they make a huge difference to how we feel. The quality in our movements when we are present is so very powerful and healing for all.
Thank you Vicky for an inspiring blog one that I can relate to, I would make myself small to not take up space and to not be be noticed, often saying sorry if I needed to ask something. It is beautiful to read how you have opened up to finding your true worth and value, and claiming you with no apologies needed. Very confirming and empowering.
I could really relate to this, feeling apologetic all the time, saying sorry when someone else would bash into me or not feeling like I had a voice to say what I was truly feeling without reaction. There is a lot that I not longer judge myself for, which I used to in the past, to really feel what is there to be felt, not taking responsibility for what another person is doing or saying. But having confidence to say what is there to be said, in truth.
It’s amazing how much our body posture is linked with how we feel about ourselves – literally how we ‘hold’ ourselves..
Lack of self worth definitely plays a part in being apologetic or considering ourselves a nuisance just for asking a question, this one I have run with for many years, until now that is. Having also attended courses run by Universal Medicine I am finding that I no longer apologise for not knowing something or disturbing someone because I need to ask a question. Now I just say ‘when you are free I need ten minutes of your time to clarify something’ and the huge part is I no longer judge myself for asking questions that I would have considered stupid before, and now it is just the simple fact that I do not know something and I am about to find out.
I love reconnecting to this blog, Vicky. I recognise the apologetic stance that I too have taken many times when what was asked for was actually all of me standing tall and claimed as who I am.
From apologising for who we are – to appreciating who we truly are. So very simple and massively life changing. . . Sacred Esoteric Healing as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine supported great changes in my life.
Choosing to connect to our bodies is us claiming back everything that we are and not live in the illusion that we are not equipped to deal with life for this is a game we have played for long creating denseness in our movements when we can instead walk with the lightness surrendering to what is.
It is such a powerful revelation to know that we have the power within ourselves by focusing on the quality of our movements and it is the consistency of that which allows us to break away from non-supportive patterns and behaviours to live more in our true glory.
This is such a great blog Vicky. I used to be very lacking in confidence in certain areas of life and thus quite apologetic. When I went clothes shopping I used to feel very inferior to the retail assistants, feeling I didn’t match up to what was thought to be beautiful, fashionable or the ‘right size’ or shape. I felt very apologetic and would hope to be unseen as I crept into a clothes shop. But now that I have realised that life is about connecting to people and bringing all my love, this whole scenario has changed. I have a great deal of fun going into clothes shops now and connecting with everyone in there. I love the way you say: ‘I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.’
What really stands out for me is that when we apologise for our existence within the way we present ourselves, not only by the way we walk or talk but also the thoughts we allow, it sends a huge message to everyone else about our lack of self worth and our lack of confidence and in that we give other people the energy to then treat us in the same way. We are saying to the world it is ok to abuse me because I am already abusing myself and I deserve it – this just shows how insidious lack of self worth is and how it keeps us from our true self. Great blog Vicky.
Vicky I agree with the point you have made about our movements and how so important they are when it comes to our livingness. The quality of energy we move in sets the basic foundation of our expression
I love the simplicity and beauty shared in this blog Vicky, I also spent most of my life apologising for who I was, with the support of Universal Medicine my confidence has changed enormously as well.
Awesome Vicky the way we move and are with ourselves changes everything. I used to always say sorry, be apologetic and softly spoken. Prior to Universal Medicine my worth was based on what I could produce and how I performed rather than who I was as I thought no body wanted the real me. My confidence has completely changed, I can now easily stand up in front of a crowd and give a presentation without trembling. My voice has gained the authority it was lacking. and I no longer walk hunched, hiding, thinking nobody really wants me. The change has been huge.
The way we move changes everything. There has been a lot written about our body language and how we are communicating to each other all the time, often unconsciously. Little is said about the quality in which we move, the quality of our movements and where the impulse for that movement comes from. Universal Medicine takes it one step further exploring these questions so that we can reconnect to a way of moving and being that is true.
It is very exhausting to be anything other than who we truly are – imposing for both ourselves and others. Universal Medicine supports us to discard all these false layers and what is left is glorious, gorgeous and joyful and certainly not anything to ever apologise for but a whole new way to live and share.
Gorgeous Vicky, how wonderful that you now know and feel equal to everyone. What self awareness and responsibility you have developed to make such an inspirational transformation.
Vicky your blog is a wonderful testimonial that it is possible to change even such ingrained ideals and believes – thank you for being so honest and not holding back an ounce of you.
This transformation is amazing and you do deserve to appreciate this of yourself Vicky. The internal transformation may seem normal and nothing unusual on the outside, but the internal journey is miraculous . Life will support which ever way we choose to live – Apologetic or Confident. Both takes commitment, perseverance and breaking through comfort zones. Congratulations on your choice to live with your truth and re-claim yourself.
Re reading your sharing Vicky I can clearly see how living as I used to ,( I too have been an” apologist” big time), and it has been a hard habit to break but it is slowly sinking in that the problems of the world are not all my fault and seeing that love is the healer in all ways makes a huge difference to my life.
There are two ways to support evil. Deny who you are and enjoin those who actively harm others for their own gain. And live a life of apology and contraction by hiding in the shadows. Both are a choices to separate from the fire of our own true being, and both choices confirm to others that it is normal not to live a life of connection to divinity..
This makes absolute sense to me Adam, having been living a ” life of apology and contraction by hiding in the shadows” my choice now is to live the Fiery life of “connection to Divinity”. Thank you for clarifying this for me.
It is crazy that we hold back our joy because others feel uncomfortable with this.
It is through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I too am committing to life especially in my work. I have lived on a farm all of my life but it has only been recently that I have begun to commit to my purpose on the farm, helping out during lambing and generally taking a lot more interest in all areas on the farm. I feel ready to get on with my day when I get up in the mornings and this is so different to how I have been in the past!
“I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.” This is so beautiful to live in this way and as I appreciate the reflection in you I appreciate myself for I too am not hiding my vulnerability like I used to. It can be exposing and feel uncomfortable at the time but it is me, the real me and how I am feeling in that moment.
Thank you Vicky for sharing such a beautiful blog full of inspiration. It goes to show that we can change by simply being open and willing to heal that which is not true within us and live the gorgeousness and beauty that we truly are. Up until I began attending Universal Medicine presentations and workshops I held a belief that was forever being drummed into me that ‘You can’t help your nature… it is the way you are’ but how untrue this is. Vicky and many other students (myself included) are taking responsibility for ourselves and our lives and showing the world another way and how change is possible.
It is crazy that some people really believe we are unable to move on from our issues that we just have to accept our lot in life. That’s the beautiful thing about Universal Medicine presentations we are a forever student and the ageless teachings provide us with amazingly simple, practical and life changing tools.
Accepting and knowing you are equal to everyone is huge. So many of us struggle because we think we are not enough when compared to another. One of the best benefits of knowing you are equal is the feeling comfortable and confident, as you say, in ones own skin.
Thank you Vicky for a great blog, one I can relate to very well, my apologies were even for being here taking up space, I am amazed when I look back now, how little self worth and self love I had back then. I have learnt so much too by coming to Serge’s presentations and realising the equality I hold in love, I hold with all other human beings, and this love in me is slowly deepening and growing day by day.
Vicky I too have changed slowly over the last 10 years of being part of the Student body of Universal Medicine and listening to the presentations of Serge Benhayon. Learning to appreciate that I am equal to all others and therefore a worthy person. Learning to live with love in my heart for all and not needing to put up walls.
Apologising for existing – I have used as the ultimate alibi for not committing to life, to myself.
It is interesting how we feel about ourselves gets communicates to others more so through our movements than words. Our words may not always reflect how we feel because the simple fact is our body does not lie. By observing and feeling into someone’s posture and movements we can actually also feel what they feel. Our level of communication is not just limited to words but much more is communicated through our actions/our body than we realise.
I agree Chan this is why it is important to be honest with our children when we feel sad, because when we try cover it up we are telling them not to trust what they feel as it is wrong. To not trust oneself is very harmful in so many ways, yet through trying to protect our children from harsh realities we do exactly this.
I couldn’t agree with you more Vicky the teachings, and example set by, Serge Benhayon are deeply inspiring; I’m struggling for words as words seem so inadequate to express what is in my heart.
“Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself”; what a truely divine gift he has given to us; what a responsibility we now hold!
The healing modalities of Universal Medicine offer the body a very palpable and real marker of what is true, and what is not. Often behavioural patterns can be almost ‘automatic’ or ‘robotic’ in the way we respond or react, so when we have an opportunity to completely stop and surrender to stillness, we get a very powerful marker of what is true, which then provides an opportunity to recognise the patterns we have automatically gone in to.
It can at times feel challenging to be in our fullness unapologetic saying ‘this is me’ but it is only challenging as we do not make this our everyday our every moment. Like you Vicky I am dropping the guards and letting people in – and wow how beautiful it is to let people in and to allow them to see me for who I truly am.
What a great point Samantha.
Living in our fullness can be challenging at times because it can expose another causing reactions that can have an impact on our body if we do not take responsibility and allow ourselves to feel them. This is why it is paramount that I live my day in as much regard for myself as much as possible so that when I do encounter jealousy or another’s emotion I do not allow the reaction to enter my body and therefore abuse myself.
It is such a trap that many of us fall into,that we are less than others but also just as much an illusion when others think they are above us. The time will come one day when all of humanity will realise we are all equal and that day can’t come sone enough as far as I’m concerned.
I agree Kevin, it’s been a long time waiting. Not only in that we are ALL equal but in that we are ALL divine as well.
“I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way”.
I love what you have expressed here Vicky; being with another and feeling equal is such a blessing. To connect on a deeper level is such a gift allowing us to evolve and deeply appreciate one another and ourselves.
I also used to apologize for existing and tried hard to make myself small, or invisible. Then I would complain that I was not seen or heard. it is great to reclaim yourself and your place in the world as equal to all others.
I recognise that one also Bernard, and now after all of those years carrying myself like that I am finding that life is so much more enjoyable when we let that way of living go. What Vicky has written about will I am sure be recognised by many many people.
It’s interesting how we are the cause of our own experiences yet we get caught in blaming the world as we don’t want to take responsibility. Like trying to hide and make ourselves small and then wonder why we are not seen or heard.
Great example of how we create our own reality and then blame the world for it.
When we want to be heard or to be seen by the world we must first be willing to do this for ourselves.
It’s lovely reading this blog Vicky, because I can feel how lovely and confident you are and this is so different to someone who apologises for taking up the space they inhabit. The Universal Medicine healing modalities are amazing and choosing to discard what holds us back and standing full of your amazing self is very powerful.
Yes your confidence and self assurance is evident from the way you write, Vicky. It’s gorgeous to read your words of self appreciation and about how you’ve developed the relationship you now have with yourself.
And I noticed you are a youth worker, you are an amazing role model for them. Todays role models are mostly all lacking confidence trying to fit a mould that defines them, you are a breath of fresh air for them.
I can relate to a lot of what you share here Vicky and I find the greatest power we hold is accepting and appreciating all that we are in full. There is no room in our bodies for apologies at this point as we are accepting the grandness of our very being. Thank you.
I loved reading your blog Vicky. Lately I have been feeling how imposing it is when I walk around contracted and apologetic. The choice to be this way invites abuse from others as they react to this imposition. When I apologise for my existence it hurts others as I am denying my beauty and my responsibility. The truth is a far cry from the ‘story’ I tell myself and shows how irresponsible it is to use the abuse that comes at me to play victim.
Hi Leonne, it’s great that you felt this and you are right in saying being contracted and apologetic is playing a victim. I really understand and know now that when I am all of me it allows others and gives them permission to do the same.
Ah, Vicky, now I understand how in the culture I was brought up in, behaving apologetically and making ourselves small is seen as polite, drawing others to do the same, creating a buffer in-between so that neither gets to admit to the abuse they are inflicting on each other and on themselves.
Leonne it is great to hear how you feel being contracted as an imposition – it confirms this is simply not natural in the body and that in fact we are all just able to reflect to others rather than shutting the world out. People can offer so much and learn so much from each other. It is a gift and I know that when I am open to this, there is so much more to see.
Wow Leonne, your comment is so honest. It is our hurts that allows us to walk contracted and apologetic so we are essentially communicating our hurts instead of communicating our beauty and power. This just generates more hurts because other people can feel this.
Such a beautiful sharing Leonne, a confirmation of the awareness I have felt recently when there was a time I felt contracted. People do react when we feel small and contracted. Leonne’s comment has taken this deeper for me as I reflect on my past. All through my life as I kept myself small I often noticed when another reacted to me and I didn’t know why. Today, another is more likely to react when I am in my fullness than when I am contracted as living in this way is very gently becoming the norm.
When we don’t play small and reflect to the world all the we are it gives them a chance to feel the same in themselves. So the world could be so much more if we didn’t hide and apologise for our very existence.
The healing modalities presented by Universal Medicine are very powerful. They support us to release ill patterns held in our body which cause us to operate in a certain way. The example that you give here Vicky is fantastic because through healing the configeration of energy held in your body you went from being a chronic apologist to knowing yourself and being confident in yourself. The change that occurs is long lasting and life changing.
It is so true what you say about the configuration of energy that gets held in our bodies. I understand this now, but I also see this in other people when walking in a shopping mall or street that how we hold our bodies is not in line with who we truly are. Or should I say, how we hold onto things in the body that aren’t truly us. I feel everyone should get to experience an Esoteric Healing modality; then they could feel this for themselves and allow themselves to be who they are … and let go of tension, stress, old and ill beliefs etc.
Kristy you have just reminded me of friends I knew who were tall and would do them same thing .. slouch down a bit to look smaller and to ‘fit’ in. What I have realised though is when we allow ourselves be all of us, including standing to our true height we pull everyone up with us. Playing small doesn’t help or support anyone.
Another amazing testimony to the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon in which thousands of people have turned their lives around through attending courses and presentations. Serge Benhayon shares that we are all equal, that we are all the Sons of God and offers practical tips and tools that if we try them out for ourselves, we too come to know who we truly are.
“When I say claimed it is a strength from within, a part of me I have re-connected to that I had forgotten about or didn’t feel I could connect to.” I love this description of being claimed.
This is great to read, and makes me appreciate more of where I came from, indeed constantly apologising for everything I did, it is still there sometimes but I know it is not me, and am more and more able to arrest it when it arises.
That’s an interesting point Katie, how many crazy beliefs, like overly apologising, do we impose on our children? I know I was encouraged a LOT to apologise as a child, so I definitely grew up apologising all the time for things I’d done and even for who I was. It’s absolutely crazy when we step back and look at it.
It is interesting how many people can relate to the lack of confidence growing up and the apologising. So I want to know where the people were who were over confident?! It seems to me, when you scratch the surface true self confidence that doesn’t want to be better than another is incredibly hard to find. Serge Benhayon has really shared some amazingly simple techniques and a way of living that nurtures a relationship with you and your soul that has been changing lives, one person at a time.
“Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.” This is the crux isn’t it to know ourselves deeply because until we do we are just guessing and playing at life and the truth and purpose of us is lost.
A Beautiful reminder that we are amazing just as we are – simply be present in all that we do and love is what we will emanate.
I love what you mention about movement, Vicky. How we move in this moment affects how we arrive at the next one. It determines the quality we’ll be in when we get there, wherever that is. So the quality we’ve been moving in – be it getting up and dressed, driving, walking, talking – anything where there’s a form of movement – will be key to what we take into our next moment. This is a huge wake-up call about our impact on ourselves and those around us and therefore the level of responsibility – or irresponsibility – we choose to move in, moment by moment.
“How we move in this moment affects how we arrive at the next one.” – This is worth repeating! We are in essence continually choosing how we want to live our life – the quality we want to make it about…
I am sure we can all relate to this Vicky, apologising for asking a question yet if we are open to actually feeling the consequences of asking our question there are sighs of relief from at least half the class who wanted to ask the same question! As I have got older I have appreciated this point, I encourage my children to ask questions and just be open to the fact that I may well say ‘I don’t know let’s work it out together’. I have noticed their body posture change when they have the confidence to ask questions, and when they hold back something that needs to be asked or shared then it clearly shows in their body. I see them as a reflection and reminder to me that I too have postural changes when I hold back something that needs to be expressed.
Lucy this is really important what you have shared about asking questions, in that when we are in a group and someone asks a question the whole group will gain from it (as you say others might want to ask but not have the confidence to). I had a beautifull reminder of this the other day when I learnt something massive at a recent Women in Livingness Group in the UK and wanted to share it but didn’t thinking ‘oh it doesn’t matter!’ In high insight it did matter and wasn’t just for me but for everyone. So we have a responsibility in asking questions and also sharing feedback and experiences, in that we all grow and learn together.
Yes Vicky, never hold back with a question because we all miss out 🙂
Beautiful blog Vicky and truly inspiring. As I recognize apologizing myself in situations, a feeling of confirming myself that I was not enough.. Looking back at it now, I feel how much this ‘making myself less’ was a behavior that was stemming from a lack of love I was feeling within myself ‘an emptiness’.. I continued to play that game, making myself small and less, all to actually not step up in my power and be real. Which is the absolute love I hold in my heart. It is time to come back to that and let go of the old.
I felt something quite profound today and it comes back to the blog so I felt to share it. Lately I have been hearing the word responsibility a lot; and pondering on how I am not responsible 100% all of the time in my life and what would it feel like to be this I felt something. I felt like I counted, that WOW I get to be responsible for everything in my life. This actually felt really lovely and something I will continue to work with. The reason why I felt to share it was because I could feel that in the past I hadn’t felt that I counted (like I had nothing to bring in life) similar to when I used to apologise. Again this was a past belief but in being with why am I not 100% responsible I felt this and it was pretty cool as it is another part of me that is healed and I got to feel that there is actually joy and a lot of love in being 100% responsible in all that we do.
When we’re feeling down about ourselves, or in a lack of self worth and self loathing, even in just our thoughts, the way we speak and what we say carries this. This is harmful not only to us but to everyone because when we carry this way of being with ourselves it is also projected onto others. Meaning we are more likely to see the bad in everything or be looking for what’s wrong. It’s like a cloud that follows us around and the only way we can change it is by doing as is suggested in this article, changing the way we move to be more gentle, tender and honouring. This will change the energy in our body which in turn will change the quality of our thoughts.
This is a beautiful reminder of the importance of being present with ourselves and choosing to move in a gentle and tender way as this ‘will change the energy in our body which in turn will change the quality of our thoughts’. Very true Danielle, and it feels so much more lovely in our bodies.
Absolutely Lorraine, the body is the point of true change.
Well said Danielle Pirera. It really is that simple.
I love the title of this blog Vicky – apologist to confident, and can relate very well to all you share as I spent a great deal of my life apologising for who I was as well. I always made myself less to others and then would create experiences that always confirmed this back to me. How amazing it feels to let go of these old patterns blocking us from being our true selves and to appreciate and accept all the qualities we bring.
Brilliant, Vicky, you have blasted open what really lies behind our tendency (particularly prevalent in the UK – which exposes cultural patterns too) to apologise so much. It is not politeness or something to be admired it is the insidious and constant undermining of our own worth and therefore indirectly the worth of others. This keeps us small and under the cosh of ‘rules’ rather than sharing our value and collective worth and power.
This is so true and something I have definietly learnt. I now know from experience true confidence brings a strength within the body, a posture that reflects this but also an absolute openess and tenderness with others, it is really beautifull. And I have noticed my legs are far stronger in standing than they have been ever, there is no waver but instead they are saying ‘I’m here’ : )
There is much power in changing our posture, when we become more confident our posture changes but I found it also works the other way around. When I am very aware of my posture and hold my back straight (gently) and relax my shoulders and arms the way I feel about myself changes as well. It is a constant choice but it always supports me.
I love your comment Kristy, we can apologise with so much more than a word, we can apologise for who we are by the way we stand and hold ourselves and the way we walk and move. I noticed within myself, it’s not just addressing the way I speak but also the way I hold and move my body, as that speaks volumes.
When we focus on the truth of who we are in essence everything that we have taken on that is not true eventually falls away. There is such simplicity in this. The problem is that we like to make life complex. However if we can keep things simple while focusing on expressing our true nature everything changes, including behaviours that we never imagined could change.
Beautifully said Elizabeth. It is really simple but I agree there is a part of me that likes to make life complex, choose the hard way, wants to worry and stress yet honestly my body feels horrible doing all this. Your sharing of how to keep things simple feels very supportive with this, thank you.
Keeping things simple whilst focussing ‘on expressing our true nature’ – unimaginable shifts and changes DO happen. I reflect back on behaviours that I thought were an integral part of me (obsessive and compulsive list writing and control, fuelled by anxiousness for one example) and can only marvel at the freedom from these, as, inspired and supported by the work of Universal Medicine, I have peeled away all the layers that were not me and started to emerge in life in full.
I love what you share here Elizabeth, so true, and keeping life simple has so many benefits especially when we are living from our essence.
Awesome to read this again and sit and ponder on all the positive stories to come out of Universal Medicine.How these presentations have changed so many peoples lives.
Beautifully shared, Vicky. when we make ourselves small we are never enough in our own eyes. Self love, acceptance and appreciation are amazing tools in helping us be all that we can be and you are all of this Vicky and more.
It is very vulnerable to feel the energy of supremacy ruling our present world, this happens everywhere in work and life situations we have accepted as normal. Equality is unheard of in the hierarchical and social ladder. We can be very cruel to each other based on what we do, when we reduce or even ignore the people involved. I expressed this vulnerability in an office meeting with management recently, and it did feel very vulnerable to express it, but the expression brought about an expansion in space for all of us to feel.
It is great to be able to express what is needed to be said no matter where we are or who we are with, especially when, as you say Adele, it brings an expansion and space for all to feel. I have so much to learn regarding expression but I would not have learnt half (even a quarter or eighth) of what i know now if it wasn’t for Serge and Simone Benhayon.
This is true freedom – to be able to express what we feel from within without any reservation.
Adele the hierarchical social ladder founded on supremacy is so embedded in business. Bringing your vulnerability into this meeting must have felt like a breath of fresh air for everyone with you.
Vicky what’s lovely about your sharing is that there was no force or will power required to stop yourself apologising. It came naturally as a consequence of learning more about yourself, healing un-dealt with hurts and choosing to move with presence. This is further confirmation for me of how important it is to get to the underlying cause of a behaviour, rather than just trying the stop it, which is really only ever a symptom.
Brilliant, Debra. Skitting around on the surface trying to manage our habits just adds to the struggle. Being honest and willingly exploring what lies behind our behaviours is the key to being freeing of them.
Loving what you share here with us all Vicky. In my observations of others and myself over the years, body posture is a real give away of how somebody is feeling about themselves or about life in general. Understanding the expression ‘stand tall’ or ‘shoulders back’ sounds very regimental but clearly shares how we feel about ourselves and the world around us. It certainly does bring about a confidence when we gently focus (stay present) with our movements in our everyday activities.
‘Shoulders back’ I know that one. Or ‘toughen up’. All these phrases and sayings ask us to override what we feel, as well as saying ‘you are not allowed to feel!’, just get on with it. And so it goes on generation after generation of not being allowed to feel. In England there is even the saying ‘stiff upper lip!’ By giving ourself and our bodies permission to feel and heal we change all of this for the next generation, showing what is possible.
It is amazing what committing to life can do. I hear you when you say that it is because of this that your confidence grew. This is the case for me too. If we commit to dealing with everything that is in front of us, we simply just have to do that, and the focus changes to be on the commitment to this rather than on the lack of confidence.
I experienced this too Vicky – “With the healing modalities I have been able to feel and see what I have been holding onto within my body that was not truly me, or did not serve me in how I was living and expressing with others – from ill ideals and beliefs to patterns and behaviours I was living every day, like seeing myself less than others, or apologising for being me.” And like you have great appreciation for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and the massive support they offer so many people!
Thank you Vicky for this blog. It has helped me to come back to the truth of a situation, rather than being apologetic for mistakes that are not even real but to appreciate what I bring to life and relationships.
I hear a lot of people say “sorry” at times they don’t need to and so often they say they don’t realise they do it, it has just become a habit. “I’m sorry” seems to say “Sorry, I’m less” whereas “I apologise” says” I’ve taken less care then I could have” and doesn’t disempower.
So true Elizabeth- the word ‘I’m sorry’ disempowers whereas the word “I apologise”- states you actually acknowledge the disregard, but it doesn’t disempower.
“if we are purposeful and present (body and mind together) with each move we make,… this can bring about a true confidence and commitment that is felt deep within the body, giving us something tangible we can build from.” I love my walks with purpose and presence in the early morning as, I agree Vicky, the movement builds a rhythm of confidence and commitment as well as a connection to a stillness within my body that then carries into everything I do and everyone I meet during that day. I then find myself at the end of the day less tired, less likely to have the munchies spoiling my evening meal with a natural wind down of my body ready for rest.
Reading your blog again today Vicky, I can clock that just in the way I am sitting, if I slouch, it affects the way and feel, and then if I sit up straight it changes to a more positive feeling. The way we hold and move our body is so important.
A great blog Vicky that many of us can relate with to some degree, I too used to not feel good enough and would play small and hide. What I love with what you share is how by attending the courses and talks of Universal Medicine and living a different way these old patterns that were not you have just started falling away as you claim yourself more and more. I have noticed the same with myself, now to me that is magical.
There is no apology for being ourselves when there is no need in being liked, no niceness in expectation to be returned, for we know we are love.
well well said Adele, as you are so beautifully saying here: there is a choice to be confident or not.
Thank you for sharing this Vicky. What struck me with this story, and it echoes my own experience, is that you didn’t go seeking a solution to continually apologizing but through connecting to your body and who you truly are, behaviours that are not you ceased. So often we seek a solution to an issue rather than look at the underlying cause. When we simply seek solutions without addressing the underlying cause the suppressed behaviour will express in a different way. When we address the underlying cause the behaviours naturally cease.
Vicky, how beautiful to feel the power in what you are sharing here – I love how you acknowledge that ‘sorry’ is no longer the first word in your vocabulary. On the contrary, your blog is spoken with a true value and claiming of your own worth. Inspiring.
What I have recently felt is that although now I no longer apologise for who I am I still hold an energy within my body that feels I am ‘not enough’ it is subtly, constantly in a drive or anxiousness of what I need to do next in life. Although this is incredibly damaging for me and my body I know that with the many Amazing tools and pearls of wisdom I have been given by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I can change this, am not powerless, and can come back fully to the love I am and accepting this in every moment. This is a reminder to me that what I have learnt and been given by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is not something to be kept quite about because my life has improved but shared with others so equally they have the tools, wisdom and means to know how their lives can be turned around and they can too can be and feel all the love they truly are.
It’s inspiring to see how you want to share what you have learnt from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Your blogs together with the others on this website contain so much for us all to ponder on and try for ourselves. We are being shown that there truly is another way to live that is more joyful and loving. Thank you Vicky.
This is so gorgeous Vicky and what you say resonates with me. I was there to and sometimes still am. What I would just like to add is that Serge Benhayon inspires a gentle confidence. There is no arrogance or self in the confidence that he presents – it’s pure love and hey that’s what I’ve come to learn and appreciate from him and his family. I’m with you all the way.
This is very true Michael – ‘Serge Benahyon inspires a gentle confidence’. From the moment I met Serge I sensed a natural confidence with another human being that I had never felt in my entire life. It was a reassurance that I am already enough and that no facade or protection was needed.
Very true Michael there is absolutely no arrogance in what Serge Benhayon presents. And I love how you notice that there is no ‘self’ in his confidence. Confidence yes – Self, no…!
It is so lovely what Serge inspires, I have felt that too with him Michael. If there was an ounce of arrogance in Serge what he inspires would not hold for me, it is pure love equally for all of us, this gorgeous man by how he is, is helping me and thousands more people to unfold back to our natural awesomeness.
Absolutely Michael, and with Serge Benhayon there are no pedestals in ‘I am better than you’, or assertiveness or arrogance but instead an absolute equality for all that can be greatly and deeply felt with him. I love what you have expressed in saying that Serge Benhayon inspires a gentle confidence and can relate with what you feel, inspiring a gentle confidence in feeling and being equal to all with an open heart and yet not holding back from who we truly are and what we can bring. Beautifull.
Serge Benhayon does inspire a gentle confidence – there is not an ounce of self-doubt in him. He isn’t overbearing but knows he is enough just as he is and I am grateful for his steady reflection.
‘committing to life’ This is a major work in progress for me to Vicky. For a very long I thought I had a good life but it was really a comfortable life with very little commitment to actually expressing in my livingness. I am realizing now you cannot commit to life by hiding or trying not to be seen. Committing to life for me is connecting to myself and others, listening and understanding my body and getting out amongst society and joining in.
I have also spent much of my life feeling less than others which insidiously then plays out as feeling more than others at times too, to bolster a low sense of self. I now walk into a room and feel equal to all people which is quite a wonderful feeling. It is opening up a space for so much possibility of support, sharing and mutual activities whereas before I would be much more self-contained and held back, in separation from others. We are all equal and to think and exist otherwise holds us all back from the true brotherhood we are designed to live.
The changes in your body Vicky sound truly amazing. Working as a massage therapist for many years, I would describe these changes as miracles. Especially as it was not due to a mechanical change from outside of you but rather from the support of the healing modalities which have re-inspired in you the capacity to claim yourself and your innate strength and beauty.
Yes emmadanchin, I spent years working on how I looked on the outside, with complete disregard for how I was treating my body or feeling. Its only since I have switched my focus to how I feel, that significant real changes have happened. Simple things like getting to my natural weight with no dieting, having clearer skin, thicker and healthier hair, not to mention loosing the stoop I had so I now walk tall and proud.
WOW so much to appreciate there. And what a profound shift that is, to respond from how we feel rather than from the thoughts. There is much to let go of in order to really feel how amazing we are.
So true, the appreciation of what we have here at our finger tips is much needed. These are simply choices, they are free and as a consequence major changes are happening in our lives that are likely to mean we are less prone to lifestyle diseases… That is big news!
There are many people in the world who want others to feel like they don’t exist, like their very presence is as in need of apology. Enter Universal Medicine who offers through the teachings of the Ancient Wisdom that each of us is equal to each other in who we truly are, and what we contribute to the world in truth is dearly needed.
We can all learn as you are Vicky, the way we move tells a much bigger picture than simply getting from A to B. If we were in water, the ripples would be seen of how we move, but it can all be felt with the energy of how we move on land too. We express with words and movements simultaneously.
As you have said Gill our movements are just as important as our words, and it’s a pleasure to watch those who walk with grace.
This feels incredibly liberating..”With the healing modalities I have been able to feel and see what I have been holding onto within my body that was not truly me, or did not serve me in how I was living and expressing with others – from ill ideals and beliefs to patterns and behaviours I was living every day, like seeing myself less than others, or apologising for being me.”
“I used to apologise for just being me.” Makes me ponder on my own life and how different it could have been if I hadn’t. Time to stop now.
I have come such a long way with my confidence from being someone who was a complete apology! I can still find myself going into this old pattern sometimes, but what I find helps is that when I recognise this happening I take a moment to notice the posture I have taken on with my body, and I gently remind myself that I can stand tall and open and meet people from that place. It is like magic. I do not even have to say anything. The energy that I am communicating is no longer apologetic, and this can be felt by others.
I experience the same, Rebecca. In changing my posture, everything else changes as well, like my attitude and my feelings.
Leading an interaction with someone with an apology is quite a submissive action. Any interaction where we take the lower position is felt by another and unfortunately this is where we are taken advantage of. Those that like to control or dominate can and often do exploit those who feel and act less than who they are. It is almost like leaving your front door open at night for anyone to walk in a take whatever they want. Really fabulous Vicky that you have proved that we can develop ways that support ourselves and evolve out of patterns that are not supportive and even harming.
The act of apologising is kind of like, a way of looking for, or wanting acceptance of yourself from another, where really, its masking an issue of a lack of self acceptance. Human behaviour is so interesting the way we often have habits that are the opposite of what we are craving for ourselves. This is where Universal Medicine has been so instrumental in demonstrating how self care and self love are the fundamental way to break free these patterns and habits that are long lasting and life changing.
The way I see it is that we all take up space on this planet and we all choose the quality of the space we each hold/allow to be – all our individual environments form the conglomerate that is humanity. Before I saw humanity in this was I used to apologise for taking up any space until I realised that we each have a responsibility to claim the space we are each responsible for.
This is a lovely way to see how it actually is, and does change my perspective too, ‘we all take up space on this planet and we all choose the quality of the space we each hold/allow to be,’ thus affecting humanity as a whole.
I agree johannebrown17. Self care and self love are foundations on which all else can be built. With these foundations and connection to our true self, the behaviours that are not us, like apologizing and making ourselves less, dissolve and are no longer part of our life.
I love what you have presented here Joanne as well as what Thomas exposed earlier about just how insidious constantly apologising is, you have brought the other aspect that there is also a lack of self-acceptance and instead of taking true responsibility in healing this apologising looks to the outside to what we are not doing for ourselves. On reflection none of this would have been so clear to me now if it wasnt for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
I love how poignant and inspiring this blog is. Unusually these days, I found myself apologizing for perhaps not having equal knowledge as the others in a meeting prior to making contributions to the discussion. I immediately saw how I still have pockets of deference to those with scientific initials to their names, choosing to be slightly intimidated by knowledge. I quickly put aside my insecurities, need for recognition and loads of other rubbish that can take me from truth. The whole group came together and we all contributed equally. The foundation was set for us all to work together including in between the meetings. The power of equality in action is huge.
Reading your comment reminded me how when I was little I used to know someone that always apologised to people when we were out shopping, when they hadn’t even done anything! On Facebook the other day I saw a short film about how children pick up habits by just observing and being around adults (if we have road rage, drop litter or .. apologise). It was reminding us where a lot of education comes from..others. So also highlights the responsibility we have in knowing who we truly are, claiming it in full and not apologising for it, reflecting to the next generation that they can do that too 💕
You are so spot on Vicky about educating coming from all of us. We are all educating everyone around us all of the time. The very emanation of our reflection educates people about heaven – that heaven is there, that we can all come back to heaven.This is why it is so vital that we ourselves live heaven on earth, the future now.
So true Vicky – we learn and pick up a lot from observing others, so claiming who we are in full is then inspiration for the next person to do the same and not hold back who they are. It can work one way or the other – as everything and everyone is connected.
Apologising throws the power of equality out the window. There is no foundation for equalness as we are choosing to be less because of our lack of confidence. I’ve never looked at apologizing like this before Karin – thank you for your insight.
Awesome Karin. The power of group work is amazing and it starts with a basis of equality. If we see ourselves as less then the group is less because of this.
Vicky your blog communicates how totally powerful we are when we no longer run from others, ourselves or life; when we stand up tall and say this is me, I know who I am, I know who you are, we are equals. When we do not take refuge from life in our mind but choose to commit to being in our bodies 100% – taking responsibility for all our less than responsible choices and lovingly face the music.
It’s true Karin, the power of equality is immense and creates an instance sense of family and togetherness.
Great question Brendan especially when you consider that we are all pure love and divine at essence. So are we apologising for all the things that we have taken on that are not who we truly are or are we rejecting all that we are?
When we apologize for who we are, we are endorsing to all others an irresponsible and very harmful way of being, playing small: being less than others is a manipulative way of existing that tries to control other people to join us in also staying small and living in a way that is less.
Oh my goodness Thomas, yes I completely agree with what you have shared here and it also exposes how insidious playing small is. For how can we fully appreciate and support another in being all who they truly are if we are playing small?
Ooh part of me didn’t want to hear that, I’ve spent a lifetime playing small and am only now seeing the harm that this has done, not only to me but all around me – there’s a comfort in being ‘ok’ with playing less and there is no responsibility in allowing it.
This is very true Thomas. It is manipulative and irresponsible to think playing small is not effecting everyone and everything.
Now that is exposing! Ouch!
So true, it also shows our children that it is not safe to be yourself. So unless our children have a stronger connection to themselves than we had and resist the pull to follow, it goes down the generations too.
I agree Vicky. For a long time I thought playing small was OK and hadn’t wanted to see just how irresponsible it is. I held a deep seated belief that it was OK to stay as less, that this was acceptable. I realise now just how hoodwinked I was by that belief.
Well said Donna. When we play small we are investing in these beliefs and the pay off is that we get to have a comfortable life. However the so-called comfortable life soon becomes very uncomfortable when the body steps in and shows us the actual affect of holding back and playing small.
Awesome..Thomas and I was also moved by this..”I would think to myself, “but why am I apologising for asking a question?” or “why do I see myself less than others so much?”. I would have liked to have had the awareness as a teenager to see this more clearly and to have asked these questions earlier in life.
There are many ways we apologising for being ourselves, but as we continue to strengthen our self-love those ways become like the proverbial wart on a frog, and soon they disappear, for they can’t exist when love is the normal way of being.
Yes me too Irena, but as Heather has shared, as we strengthen that choice to not indulge in the apologetic me, the moments when self doubt comes in become less frequent and more obvious.
I’ve never really thought about apologizing as being manipulative but when you ponder on it, this is exactly the insidious net that is being cast out. It’s really quite evil how one little word can allow everyone to drop if they chose to do so.
Wow, I had never seen it this way but this is so true Thomas. We have a responsibility to never be less than who we are.
Yes this is so true Thomas and Lee. ‘Controlling’ is obvious when it is dominating behaviour, but all the behaviours around false apology and being less are also controlling and manipulating with their own flavour. Anything that is not Brotherhood is harming.
Yes a WOW!!! from me also as the penny has finally dropped. We do ‘have a responsibility to never be less than who we are’. Who would of thought a word like ‘sorry’ could keep us held in an energy of who we are not.
Thank you for exposing this so clearly Thomas, although it does not seem so on the surface playing small is all about manipulation and control. Feeling the truth of that is a big ouch but only by feeling the insidious nature of it can we shake it off.
What you have shared Vicky, made me reflect on the fact that in the past I was apologetic and saying sorry just for being me, a lot have that has come about to try to avoid the jealousy from others, and not accepting and appreciating myself in full. With the help of Universal Medicine practitioners this is changing more and more, and I am starting to value and appreciate who I am.
Yes Thomas, I recognise that behaviour of playing small so as not to attract attention or jealousy from others.
Awesome Thomas, when you choose to value and appreciate yourself this flows out to people naturally be drawn to value and appreciate you and what’s more it inspires them to do the same. The power of reflection is extremely healing.
It’s amazing to feel your solid confidence and strength Vicky, in contrast to how you described yourself to be in the past, I find this very inspiring having also spent a lifetime apologizing for who I am, thank you.
I agree, its amazing how we can actually live life apologising just for being ourselves, and yet so many people do it.
What I love is that as Vicky has connected to the truth of who she is and her natural connection and confidence has grown, the need to apologize has fallen away. No force or mental remembering to not apologize required, it is simply no longer part of who she is. This is very inspiring.
Well said Lee – it is not that Vicky has gone over mantras or forces a new mindset, but simply unfolded her natural confidence.
And the thing with this is that when we apologise for being ourselves, we’re also sending the message – consciously or otherwise – that others should apologise… Imagine the type of community we would have if we were all more ourselves – could this possibly be the model of brotherhood…?
Well said – we are send messages to others all the time, and they can either as you say, tell them that being yourself is something you have to apologise for, or it can be reflecting that they can also be themselves without apology.
Yes Lee and Rebecca – our natural confidence is there in spades and needs no apologising for. When we live in a certain way, we allow our natural qualities to come cascading out of us like the most beautiful waterfall in the world. Thank God for Serge Benhayon and all at Universal Medicine who are showing us another way to live so that we can live our natural selves.
When we start to connect to our truth, naturally we build our confidence and automatically we let go of the apologising ways. Therefore it is our responsibility to keep connecting and deepening our truth, to build a strong foundation in our body so we are then able to be reflection of truth.
It is true that having a confidence in your own body, your own ability to feel what is going on around you and not react, builds a confidence in the way you interact that reduces the need to apologise for being yourself.
I feel its inspiring and amazing too Vicky how you have transformed into a very confident person. Vulnerability and true confidence seem to go hand in hand as there is less protection and guardedness but an openness to say “this is me”.
Hi Annie, that is awesome what you have highlighted, ages ago I would have never of put vulnerability and confidence together but it is true they do go hand in hand. So this only exposes the false confidence which comes with arrogance and bravado. Without vulnerability it is not true confidence at all.
I find that by claiming myself and standing in my glory it also supports others to do the same because when we claim ourselves we are really claiming everyone as being equal to that. Therefore, when we make ourselves less and apologise for our existence that is a reflection we also providing to others. There is a difference between truly claiming ourselves which says this is who I am and you are the same (equal) and a false bravado which is just as harmful as the sorry and creates separation.
Yes, I agree Shirley–Ann. When we express from true love we use words and language in a completely different way.
Great blog Vicky and one I can really relate to. I too have transformed from an apologist to a confident claimed person thanks to Universal Medicine and my own choices. The other thing I have noticed changing is a big reduction in justification and the use of the just word.
Well spotted Nicola about the ‘just’ word being part of the apology network. A very old friend from the past rang me last year and opened the conversation with ‘It’s just me’. I was so glad to hear from her and couldn’t believe she was apologising for ringing. Then I realised how I too had used that phrase with certain people!
Yes, I agree Lyndy and Thomas it is horrible really how we make ourselves less and excuse ourselves for existing. What are we saying: it is just me, it is nobody important, only me, excuse me for calling and wasting your time – let me put myself down first before you do which in fact asks you to do JUST that and not listen to what I have to say. Could one of the reasons we make ourselves small and do that be because we don’t want to attract jealousy as defined by Unimedpedia Jealousy? http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html
Yes Nicola, that is the very main reason why we make ourselves small – jealousy as described in Unimedpedia. Being at the Unimed Retreat Last year and hearing about jealousy has been one of the greatest revelations I have ever had on why I made the initial choice to lessen myself. No longer will I choose that.
I agree Lyndy and was enormously liberated by the teachings on Jealousy as presented by Serge and Natalie Benhayon at the UniMed 2015 retreats. I know countless others whose lives have also transformed as a result of these understandings. These amazing revelations were the inspiration behind the writing of Unimedpedia Jealousy, so that understanding is now available for everyone. In fact, what Serge Benhayon and the Ageless Wisdom present is always available for and accessible to all of humanity equally and always has been. If we but ask it is revealed.
Well said Nicola, the use of the word ‘just’, diminishes and makes less, the potency of what we are expressing.
One of the things you share here Vicky that stands out for me is the tip on changing body posture or moving in a more present way. This is such a practical way to change how we feel about ourselves. Reconfiguring our posture does indeed reconfigure how we feel and it is something that we should all know about!
I used to hold myself less as well Vicky and it is amazing how we can get to a point where we feels it is just how we are when that is furthest from the truth. Our body posture tells us a lot about how we feel and in simply changing our posture the way we feel will change and vice versa allowing us to return to feeling who we really are.
That is also my experience Carolien – if I change my body posture it has nearly immediately an effect on the way I feel. For me this knowing is gold as it can help me not to stuck in feelings who pull me down.
Vicky, you got me at the title of your blog. I too was a forever apologist, remembering even a time when I bumped into a shop mannequin and said sorry. Sorry just fell out of my mouth.
I too realise that I have not done this for a number of years, in line with how I now feel about myself, much more loving indeed.
When trying to honour everyone else, we open up the doors to never being able to fulfil their requirements and expectations, and hence apologising for this becomes a habit. Nowadays, by honouring myself more, and feeling more claimed in my life, there is only learning and there is being steady.
Sometimes its not even in the words but you can carry yourself with an apology for being there and in this you get that reflected back to you however when you claim yourself then you get a reflection from people that confirms your presence.
Agreed Kristy, we can be apologetic to the world by the way we move our bodies and choose to present to ourselves and to the world. The more we choose to connect to our bodies with more authority and presence we can live with claiming in full the love that we are.
Vicky I loved reading how your confidence has grown and how even when you feel vulnerable you are able to feel equal with others, I find our vulnerability allows us to be open, and not shut ourselves off in protection.
Katie and I am thinking of all the times I’ve witnessed a little child being forced to say sorry when it is plain as day that every fibre in their body does not want to, and when asked why, you can see they have a reason but struggle to express it. It seems the apologist pattern really does come from us not being truly met as children for who we are which squashes our willingness to express our incredible ourselves and our incredible innate wisdom in full.
There is a beautiful blog on the womeninlivingness.com website about ‘Apology not Accepted’ (http://bit.ly/1A7kTsC) and this I would like to spread. I would love to be with each other in that way, that we call each other to account and say:
Your apology is not accepted!
You are powerful, amazing and great – Deal with it, I love it ;).
There was a time in my life I felt not worth enough to breathe…and I almost suffocated.
Today I can see my suffering of these days but also the point that I was not willing to take the responsibility about my worth. I am important, what I choose has an effect (always!), I count. This is powerful and to make my self less was the action of a person who wanted to hide and avoid responsibility.
“but I felt I just had to accept it as I thought that was the way I was and I didn’t know how to change.” I’m sure many people go through this. Knowing that something doesn’t feel right but not knowing how or even that you can change. This blog really highlights how you are not stuck in a rut and a certain way for the rest of your life.
Emily I know, and I was one of those people! I tried everything but never wanted to truly take the responsibility of looking at my life and feeling my body and the choices I had made. I was always looking at how I could run away and not commit and very much afraid of committing to life; but I didn’t consciously realise any of this until I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who changed everything for me by their way of living and what they presented. This is what truly helped me be honest, feel, know it is okay to feel what was going on in my body and start to heal. It is an absolute blessing to know them.
youch, Great point Brendan. No one should feel the need to apologize for existing.
Moving in conscious presence with my body is of such importance to me as it brings me a tangible relationship with my body that is naturally connected with a knowing and understanding of how to live a human life on earth as part of and in harmony with the whole it is part of. This to me is so exquisite as it allows me to feel that I am that much more than what my little mind wants me to believe I am.
Being more present, as in being more in connection with and aware of my body and what I’m doing in any given moment has helped me to build my confidence too. Bringing my mind back to my body helps me to see through self-doubt and anxiousness and to let them go. I’m certainly not perfect at it but have made vast changes with this thanks to Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine Team.
Fiona, it has been my personal experience that simply by being more present in my body, and not living in my mind and thoughts, my anxiety levels have greatly dropped, without directly working on the anxiety.
Wow Brendan what an interesting point when we look at this apologetic syndrome as systemic. You have also made me ponder on who people are actually apologising to? It is a can of psychological worms once we dive into the whats and whys and who tos of serial apologisers.
When we know the truth that we are equal and already have everything we need, the confidence is there without any need to work on it. No apologies required.
Correct Gill, we are fed and have bought into the misconception or illusion that we need something from outside of ourselves to be whole or complete and that we are not all equal brothers on this planet.
Sorry is the perfect personal disclaimer. It is one of the ultimate ways we can avoid being who we are and taking our part in making a difference to the world.
Well said Andrew, being apologetic and saying sorry for who we are, takes away our unique, grand and important part that we are here on earth to play; it is the ultimate cop-out or height of irresponsibility.
Vey well said Brendan – the world is a mess in fact we are choosing to live like this, this is an extremely abusive way to live – so why do we do it? Comfort I would say and lack of responsibility. It would mean we would have to own up to the fact we stuffed up when we walked away from the biggest thing we all want and that is God. (Love)
I agree that true confidence comes from the body not the mind. If we are connected to our bodies then we can accurately observe and read life energetically which means we know the full story of what is occurring and from there can make a fully informed choice on how to respond. This builds enormous confidence through presence.
I can definitely relate to this blog as I also used to be an apologist with a habitual ‘sorry’ ever ready on the lips. For me it was a way of making myself less so that others would feel more comfortable. I learnt from very young that when I am all of me in my amazing glory then other people react. I did not like this reaction/tension and I guess you could say reacted myself by apologising for my existence. Thanks to the inspiration of Universal Medicine I too can say that I no longer am a habitual apologist but much more confident being who I am. Still learning to really let rip who I am but it’s a work in progress!
This beautifully exposes what we need to change within humanity .. to embrace another shining brightly and standing out from the crowd instead of reacting. How cool would it be if rather than reacting we become inspired and started to make the loving changes needed in our life as well so our light can shine.
I can relate to what you have written Andrew, even now I still will smile or act in ways that make people more comfortable, or speak in a certain way that is not in the full powerful expression with all the wisdom I can bring; it’s an automatic and almost instant behaviour that I often only see after the interaction.
“I now know and feel I am equal to everyone,” this is such and incredible and joyful line to read. in equality there is no need. We can observe life and allow others to be, and know that each and every one of us plays the same equal role in our evolution, no matter who we are or where we might be.
What I have come to observe a lot is children in school asking to go to the toilet in the energy of apology, as if there is something wrong with needing to go. This stems from getting into trouble for needing to go to the toilet at other than break times. Which is simply a confirmation to us to override and abuse our body. I know many adults who don’t go to the toilet when they need, and hold on. I would say potentially 99 % of the world does this.
Wow Gyllian, what has it come to when we feel we have to apologise for responding to our body (in this example going to the toilet!). It just shows how we put ourselves and health to one side and are not taught to make this as a priority and claim this. This really needs to be turned around and changed.
Great point Gyllian, we teach our children from a young age to override what their bodies are clearly telling them, we then create a whole humanity which has learn’t to override, ignore and disconnect from their bodies and the innate wisdom our body’s hold, apologizing for what we know to be true.
The power of saying ‘No’ from the heart allows everyone to grow.
Deeply so.
So true Steve. This makes all the difference sometimes.
Beautiful Steve
There have been many times where I have apologised for myself, making myself immediately lesser, through Universal Medicine I have found a greater connection within myself and from there a greater confidence to stand equally with everyone else.
The connection with myself is my connection with God and the more I accept the grandness that I am and have lived before the more my confidence is just there.
This is a great question Brendan. There is indeed something very wrong if there are people who feel the need to apologise for existing, rather than feeling that they are loved for just being who they are. And by allowing this to happen we have our own part to play because we have judged and let others judge others, so adding to their feelings of being less, and hence needing to apologise for themselves.
Thank you Vicky for the great reminder that we do not need to apologise for being ourselves and instead bring more appreciation for the grandness that we are.
Since I have started to build my commitment in life, it is becoming less & less easy to play the apologetic game, although it has been one of my dominant patterns for a long time. Keeping myself small and responsibility don’t seem to go together.
Yes I know what you mean Golnaz. Although I am much more aware of the apology disease and do it a lot less, I found myself this morning warning someone about the way I express (in a kind of round-about way) before launching in to what I had to say about Hamlet! It was an apology that was quite sophisticated, and so all the more insidious and I could feel that a part of me knew what I was doing but was just saying ‘It’s okay to do this’. It is not okay!
Super true Golnaz. Responsibility and Playing it big go hand in hand. Taking responsibility for yourself and not apologizing for they way you live as you are living your all.
That’s a great point Golnaz – commitment and responsibility ends the game of playing small.
Vicky I love this title ‘From Apologist to Confident’ describing your evolution – beautiful!
Vicky thanks you for sharing your story, like you Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have allowed me to appreciate and confirm my own qualities just by being me, and the more I make this part of my life the more the way I express to myself and others has changed as I now know the love that I am and how this is reflected by everybody else equally.
So beautiful Francisco, by connecting to who we really are we return to the love we all are equally from and because we are all equal in that we open up to a complete new world, a world where the love that we live is being shared and reflected in every relationship we have and in any activity we develop.
The more I heal and the more present I am, the less I apologise for who I am. It was not that long ago that I realised how apologetic I used to be based on who I was. When I clocked that I was feeling that way, it was much easier to shift it. It still comes up, but previously it was my normal and was quite pervasive in a mild way. Nobody has any need to apologise for who they are.
I was people watching the other day and I say exactly this..” shoulders tense and curled inwards, chest caved in and a bit hollow and back a bit slouched.” The most disturbing thing about this was it was a couple of teenage girls about 16.
Irena that’s a really interesting and valid point, are we teaching young girls about body confidence? That is why projects and festivals such as the Girl to Woman are essential and vital right now. The next generation are missing out on themselves and we cannot let this happen.
Yea Irena, It becomes more and more apparent to observe. And not only that, but its seems younger too.
You raise a very good point, for this is essentially what people who constantly apologise are doing, they are apologising for existing and that’s not okay.
It is funny reading this blog as in the new year there is a trend for women to stop say sorry, it is something that is common with women to apologise for every step as you describe yourself. What no #notsayingsorry will ever bring is lasting change, where as what you have described and what I have experienced through Universal Medicine are the tools to engage with a part of ourselves that is ageless and wise, when re-connected to this part of ourselves we naturally no longer apologise for being alive!
I love how practical you describe the changes in your body, the very real tangible differences that then inform the intangible but just as important internal sense of self. Conifidence in who we are at the core is crucial to any true change.
Years of personal development has tried and tried to get people to build self-confidence. In Vicky’s blog we see an example of the power of the teachings of Universal Medicine, where one woman has transformed her life, and how she sees herself. Miracles at work, but now normal for many.
The kind of apologising that Vicky describes feels like that kind of apology for taking up someone’s time, for taking up space, for even existing. I have felt that, and have convinced myself that I was just being polite, but the truth was there was a deep lack of respect for myself and others in this disguise of ‘manners’.
In this state do we know the difference between politeness or manners, and being submissive and deferential to a fault? Usually not. Before I started to work with Universal Medicine, I would sell myself short as a default setting when talking about myself, and not let others see who I truly am, which was known to me in my inner world, but never really allowed out. Suffice it to say, things are different now!!
Well said Naren and good to differentiate the different forms of apologies. We should never apologise for being the grandness of who we are but we can certainly acknowledge when we are less or apologies if we made a mistake or stuffed up in some way. However, this is more akin to taking responsibility for our actions or being honest or clear about something – it is not about putting ourselves or others down. It is very disrespectful to ourselves and to others to apologise for existing.
I totally agree, Nicola. Being honest does sometimes include apologising, but it should not be dwelled upon. Apologising for existing is not allowing ourselves to forgive ourselves or be forgiven for not being perfect, an impossible thing to be.
Awesomely exposing question Brendan. We absolutely need to look at our own part to play in this equation, and realise that we have a responsibility to love others, not judge and allow them to be themselves. Otherwise we will indeed (and do indeed) have members of our society who feel they need to apologise for existing.
Thats a very good point Susie, How we respond to the ‘sorry state’ a person has chosen to be in is super powerful because we can either confirm that they should remain as such or say ‘there’s no need to be sorry’. It’s not about being sympathetic as that is often a hook I have experienced in giving and receiving the sorry posture and mannerisms but knowing that that is not who we truly are and connecting to the person rather than whatever they/we are sorry about.
Vicky, amazing work you have done to claim back the real you so that everybody else gets to meet you in your love.
A reflection of God.
The transformation you have made from apologist to confident is such a testimony to you Vicky and the loving choices you have made, awesome indeed.
So lovely Vicky that you now know that you are equal to everyone, and that you can stand in front of anyone in that equality.
I can so relate to what you have written, but feel the apologist, not so much in my words, but in my actions; same energy really!
‘Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.’ What is presented explains so much and the interrelated nature of all things, amazing to feel our own part in this and the order throughout it all.
Agreed Michael, and what i love is that it is it all equally as important. – Universe, life and myself.
Well said Emily – sometimes in our search for answers we can place things like the universe above ourselves, but Universal Medicine teaches that we are all equal parts of the whole.
Definitely Rebecca, all just as needed as each other.
Vicky this is a real testament to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine : “I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.” I can relate to this myself and how open I feel when I allow people in like this. When we are apologetic all of the time we are not trusting in the absoluteness of the Universe, God, Nature and Oneness. For everything is already as it should be. There are cycles, rhythms, order and constellations that flow naturally and to understand these creates a solidness within where apology does not exist – only love.
The changes that have happened in my life – my health and well-being, my relationships (including the on with myself), regaining a true purpose in work again, my Committment to life … the list goes on have been both beautifull and immense since knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. There have been many changes which have been Amazing in a very practical and down to earth way. The last few days I have been astounded by just how awesome my body feels … strong, clear, ready to go, it feels the best it has ever done. In fact I felt a bit shocked at just how good it feels 💕 The beautifull thing is there is no plateau, no stop moment, it is forever changing, expanding, evolving and this is one of the greatest things Serge Benhayon reflects to all .. true evolution. Everyone should have access to what he presents, we have a lot to change and heal.
How great you could get your way out of this behaviour- that the world gets blessed by your strength and power!
Yes that is awesome and to say “I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.” I too have come along way, regarding this issue, thanks to the study of the Livingness with Universal Medicine.
It is soo inspiring to seeing people who are genuinely confident.
To think how many times we feel we have to apologise, at work before making a suggestion or when something happens that isn’t our fault, or any number of other occasions where the word has become protection, a way to shield yourself.
Or when we do make a mistakes, perhaps a humble apology is called for, however humble doesn’t include shrinking and being hard on yourself – this behaviour feeds on the judgments I trust we all would prefer to live without.
Well said Abby, humble is not self deprecation, where you belittle yourself for your mistakes, and yet this is how so many people see it to be.
Very inspiring blog, Vicky. This has reminded me of how I would often apologize. It was a constant – I was always thinking that I was taking important time away from others and thus putting myself down. This definitely felt heavy and hard in my body. Sharing your blog has allowed me to appreciate how my life has changed through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine over the many years, in claiming more of me.
‘Sorry’ it the perfect word (excuse) to stay in our comfort and not take responsibility for our life.
Very true Monika, this is really exposing to feel in my own experience of myself in life. Not speaking up for fear of conflict and not asking questions for fear of being exposed is big for me, due to the fact that most of the time I am lacking appreciation for who I am and what I bring. All great excuses to stay hidden beneath an invisibility cloak of disempowered comfort.
I love how you brought in movement and the way we move. I never realized it to be that important, but it determines everything. The way I move determines the quality of my thought and every thought that comes into my mind. Consequently it determines the choices I make afterwards. The way I move is my expression. How I move from the moment I apply for a new job until I go for the interview sets up if I get the job or not.
. . . or sets up the quality of the outcome.
Awesome!
I can so relate to what you present here Vicky. I was also a serial apologist and am still developing my ability to live myself in the world.
Vicky your description of the posture of yourself as the apologist compared to now is powerful – I remember being told to ‘sit up straight’ and ‘pull your shoulders back’, which of course does not work if how you’re feeling inside is small and collapsed! If we drop the ill-ideals that we are trying to live and comparing ourselves against and live more in touch and true to ourselves it’s amazing how the body subtly shifts to reflect this inner confidence again.
Yep, I agree hartanne60. The changes have to come from us and come from within. Looking back on this I can remember many times I would cringe at what I was doing but as I said felt that was ‘the way I was!’. This is such a ill belief. It was through Universal Medicine and Sacred Esoteric Healing I could then feel that confidence comes from the body and it is through our bodies we start to reclaim ourselves. It’s quite magical.
Vicky I too know many people who apologise all the time, and on occasions notice myself doing so too. It is not innocent, and as you have described often shows a lack of confidence in self and making oneself less.
Yes I agree with that. There have been times I have used constant apology as a method of keeping myself fixed in self-imposed limitations… like a bad habit designed to excuse me from moving out of my comfort zone where I would need deal with whatever is stopping me from developing and becoming a more confident person.
Yes, Dean, it is quite something to step out of our comfort zone and face life with a sense of joyful responsibility rather than hide in the shadows and mumble our apologies.
It can be quite comfortable to hide in the shadows because then nobody really expects anything since you are not shining . But this is a soul destroying way to live.
Ouch Dean – I think I have used that pattern too.
Being sorry unnecessarily is so embedded in many cultures but it really isn’t that healthy for us.
Vicky what your blog has exposed is huge because it really begs the question who are we really if our personality traits and the way we hold our bodies can be fundamentally changed.
A very interesting point Alexis and we need to review who we think we are as the way we move affects our perception in many ways.
Great insight and powerful question Alexis.
Something worth discussing. Could it be that in the end, below all the layers of individualism that we constantly create, we are all just the same loving human beings – each simply with a unique expression?
Yes! Michael this is exactly it and something I was really aware of only the other day that underneath the layers, personalities, colour, gender etc, etc, we are all exactly the same. There is the same innate quality within us all .. its truly beautifull.
Super true Alexis.We are never stuck a certain way with a certain demeanor.
This part stood out for me as well, the way we move in a ‘sorry’ way is very noticeable. I can see this in others and in myself when I clock how I am walking even just around the house, at work, out and about – are my shoulders and ears having a smooch together or am I claiming my space with an openness that I can bring to this space? Sorry may come out of our mouths but our body and how we move says so much more.
This is a great blog Vicky and one that many could relate to as you write so normal and by that I mean you reach the wider audience, as it is real what you are saying here. I love the description about how your body is and your ears up to your shoulders when you were living in the sorry state. Thank God for the teachings and work of Serge Benhayon that you, me and many others are now free of these old patterns that stopped us being the real and true amazing beings that we are.
As a youth worker, how inspiring that you can present this way to them so that they may end up not having to apologise in every conversation.
You talk about the value of movement and this is something I am working on and it really is huge. Just by moving my body, things just change and nothing stays stuck for long. A daily walk with me with no agenda seems to benefit me in so many ways. OK great for the physical and physiological bit and mental clarity as you got fresh air going through your head but wait there is more..You get to spend some quality time with your thoughts, no matter what they are and the movement simply ensures things are not staying fixed. No matter what issue I come up with in my head, by the time I come back from the walk it has gone. I also get things come to me like what I should prioritise and focus on in my life. All this just by a movement called walking.
I agree Bina, how I choose to walk has made such a difference in the way I am with myself. I can completely honour or dishonour myself in how I walk. I am very grateful of having this very clear reflection of the quality I am in and how to let go of anything that’s in the way of a loving relationship with myself. It exposes me when I am in a hurry or in thousands thoughts and how very obvious I am not in my body or on the other hand it confirms me in how tender yet powerful I am, how womanly and delicate I feel and it shows me my strength. Like you say Bina ‘All this just by a movement called walking.’
Yes, Vicky, just staying in touch with our body and the quality of our movements builds a consistency of relationship with ourselves and a confidence in who we are. What a difference this can make.
This feels so important to teach teenage girls, let alone anyone else.
And it is this consistency in the relationship with ourselves, that forms the basis for what is possible in all our relationship, the basis for our way forward.
I counted yesterday seven people that said sorry to me during the day. The number may not be high but when you figure the number of different people you converse with in a day, it is a snap shot of what Vicky has presented from a person who used to be one of those people and what is really behind the word.
What I realized in England especially it is this extra bit of niceness and politeness. For me as a german who are most of the time very direct ( don´t get me wrong- I don´t want to generalize) it feels often very harming to be treated in that un-equality. It is this falseness I feel…I was often called being rude from british colleagues because I was always straight forward and not pandering to their politeness. I could live with that 😀
When in Germany I noticed how direct everyone was – even the structure of the German language asks one to speak from more of an authority. It took me a few days to get used to before absolutely falling in love with Germans. I loved that I knew where I stood with everyone – there was no ambiguity. It wasn’t until I experienced this that I realised how much we don’t say in Australia.
Everyone should have a german friend- not only they are direct and honest but the most loyal people you can meet 😉
It’s true Steffi. The Germans I have met are totally gorgeous and are so delightful in their expression!
I agree Steffi that false niceness and politeness is insidious and harmful and also quite controlling; it is saying ‘I am nice so you be ‘nice’ back to me’ when really there can be many underlying issues that that person is burying and not wanting to feel. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying being abrupt and rude is the way to go .. but just say it as it is, no sugar coating. Being direct with love and equality is healthy .. it is not cutting or putting the other person down just no false ‘niceness’.
Yes Steffi it is truly powerful what we from our different racial cultures can bring to each other in the way of naturally and lovingly cutting various set-pieces people have unquestioningly operated with for aeons!
Brilliant Steffi – while everyone else is standing round and being polite, no one is actually cutting to the chase.
I have noticed that in other German friends too Steffi, their ability to say things as they see them. I find this inspiring and I appreciate because I always know where I stand with the person.
I guess we can hide behind politeness as well as behind directness – it is the intent behind the action that makes it harmful or healing.
Absolutely- very good point Sandra. If you are direct not being connected it can be very harmful and cutting.
Good point Steffi, myself being English I see that saying sorry, being nice, overly polite is very much part of ‘our’ social etiquette, it is expected to be apologetic simply for being ourselves. This is such a false way of being, and very manipulative, one never knows where you stand with another person, so one is constantly trying to find out what the other person really wants as there is little or no honesty in what is expressed, its like a guessing game, which places everyone under a tension and stress, there is much hidden anger and frustration under the thin veneer of niceness.
This is so true Steffi. It is so interseting how our cultural background can influence how we are. I was one of those that used to find the German directness really challenging, and sometimes still do, but realised that that was because I was one of those ‘nice, polite English girls’, which was how I was brought up to be. But you are right, that ‘niceness’ can be really harmful, because it is not honest and we can use it as something to hide behind. It is the falseness that feels so awful. Equally the directness can be as harming if it does not come with the integrity of love and truth.
I agree Steffihenn, having lived in Germany myself I can see the difference in England with the culture of being polite and nice. I realised myself recently that my being nice was like an insurance policy – I’ll be nice to you, then in the future you will not hurt me – just manipulation and another form of protection. These days I am enjoying being more direct and to the point.
I love your honesty in your comment. How much we manipulate with behaviours kind of unconsciously conscious is insane sometimes. It is fun for me to reveal the truth in these kinds of behaviours. And honesty is the first step for revelation 🙂
A great skill to hone Steffi.
Love what you have pointed out here Steffi – having come from the nice side myself, I am learning to truly appreciate people who are straight forward and honest and willing to speak from their heart.
Steve that actually puts it into perspective… a lot of people feel the need to apologize for the way they are, when really, they are awesome. Possibly because they know they are not living to their full potential or living life the way they know they could be.
Yes, I agree Emily and think that is certainly one part – we know something is very wrong and we are not living who we truly are so we have this constant sorry feeling or the opposite in a bravado or sense of entitlement, but coming from the same energy. There also may be an element of hiding and protection. Sometimes we use it to say I will get there first and say sorry before you tell me off. Whichever and whatever it is a sorry state of affairs.
Ha ha Nicola!
As each of us chooses to appreciate our strengths, and our contribution to the world just by being who we are, then we also allow others to do the same, and any apology or playing small so no one sees our amazingness disappears.
Love what you’ve said here Heather.
That would be a great research project Steve… I wonder if the number goes up if you add the word “just” which is another diminisher…. and no I am not going to apologise for making up the word diminisher 🙂
…. another research project could be to bump into people and see how many people say sorry to you. Now and then I accidentally bump into people and they almost always say sorry and I say I should be saying sorry, why are you saying sorry to me when I bumped into you?!
Just another example of where the words that are prefect for what needs to said come from that we may never have used before but come out from our fingers and appear in the text. This happens to me a lot when expressing here. I liked your diminisher so I looked it up… it just fits succinctly, and is a real word.
ha ha so it was a “real” word after all meaning in this context it had been used by someone else, but what really is a real word when we generally use words to mean everything but what they truly mean? Love is a great example of a so called real word that we use in very unreal ways to talk about all that is not love – sorry to harp on but I have to use the word sorry here to stay within context of this blog 😉
and here I go again… why do I even need to consider apologising for stating something that is true? Why are we happy to gossip endlessly but apologise for the truth or for being loving in the true sense of the word?
What a great experiment Steve. This is another one…”Through this, as well as making other choices in my life such as committing to life and what I am doing / job I am in (I used to continually want to run away from everything I was doing and not fully commit),” To check how often we make an excuse not to do something that needs to be completed.
I can relate to this blog. I see many students I teach at Secondary School adopt this way of communicating and I see them trying to apologise for who they are. I always let them know that an apology was not necessary and for them to always feel comfortable in asking me any question and to never apologise for being themselves.
I have also been guilty of apologising when asking for help or support with something. I would feel bad that I was taking up someone’s time, even if I had given them my time at some point before my request. I have realised that it is about feeling less and this is then linked into not claiming my power. For how can I claim my power if I feel less. It’s a great trick that is slowly being broken down and healed.
Tracy I love how you have expressed this ” how can I claim my power if I feel less?” The apology mentality is so engrained in our society. How lucky are those kids to have such a role model that can immediately cut that energy and bring them into an awareness that they are much, much more.
Yes Donna, and the whole thing of apologising for being alive (different from a genuine apology over something) is a symptom of the way power is operating in our society – our lack of true love, equality. and Brotherhood.
That is so true Donna – kids need to have such a role model and if I may add – we all need it too. It is really time to break down this engrained apology mentality – it is so old fashioned.
It is a trick, you are so right Tracy. A very cunning one in keeping us less. As soon as we start to heal this it has a ripple affect with others saying claim who you are, stand in your power, we are all equal. I am soooooo over apologising for being me and playing small.
great point Tracey – how can one claim their power if they see themselves as not as much as another person
Many of us have tried my trick, which is to see ourselves as less than others, and to use that as a kind of justification for staying less than. With the support of Universal Medicine it is clear any lack of equality between people will never be true.
Great comment Tracy I think I have been far too arrogant to be a person that apologises. In the past tended to externalise projecting my expression through attacks of anger and rage. I realise that is a different coping mechanism resulting from the same place of feeling less and not feeling like I am equal to anyone and the deep sadness of choosing to abandon my true self. These days I accept responsibility for my choices and choose self-love.
Absolutely Shirley-Ann, self-worth manifests and plays out in many different ways. I know for my daughters and I we all have huge self-loathing but all play it out in very different ways. I tend to go into the neglect side of it where I don’t deserve self-love or self-care, abuse my body and beat myself up, where they go to the glamour and illusion side of things, but underneath we have the same lack of self-worth issues.
You raise a great point here Tracy. I used to apologise for myself all the time and was totally unaware of it until someone pointed it out. Since then I have always been very conscious of saying it even though I still do sometimes, but as you say “How can I claim my power if I feel less?” This is such an ingrained behaviour that so many of us have but what an amazing role model for these students to have in you, encouraging them to “always feel comfortable in asking me any question and to never apologise for being themselves.”
Great point Tracy, it feels that catholic church and Christianity have a role in this, with the idea we are less and sinners and not equal to god, but we have also bought into the mentality of apologizing and playing small, not to stand out as everyone appears to be playing the same game of being less than the stupendous beings we all are.
It’s beautiful Tracy how you are guiding and supporting teenagers in this way. I know the ‘trick’ of apologising unnecessarily and I have also noticed it is more common among women. As much as it is a way to make ourselves small and to apologise for being here and for taking up space it is a ‘trick’ too. I know personally I have used it as a trick’ to control another’s reaction towards me- as a form of defense, to protect from feeling ‘any bother’ I might cause to another person, to guard against any potential discomfort I might trigger between us, to avoid all sorts of responsibilities. Considering all of this, the unnecessary apology is quite insidious – it immediately says to another- I don’t trust you and you are also not worthy of seeing the real me.
Hi Vicky, it’s amazing how much we are in illusion about ourselves and who we are, only to find out, when we reconnect to the truth, that we are actually absolutely equal to everyone else. To realise this is extremely liberating.
Absolutely Kate and it’s liberating to identify how much of our day is spent in the action to ” apologise for just being me”.
I agree Kate, and it is empowering to claim back the awareness of our worth again.
I agree Kate, in the illusion we are always putting ourselves more able or below another but never truly as equal. The constant comparison and measurement keeps us and all others from being who we truly are. Being in absolute equality based on knowing our divine essence is deeply healing.
I’m learning this at work, that we are all equal. I have in the past and still am the majority of times intimidated by the organizational hierarchy. When a senior member asks me to perform a task, I do it but I lack confidence in doing the task as I am worried I will submit the wrong information. Even though I am not verbally apologizing, I am expressing it through my work, which can lead to doubt on the reliance of the figures I have submitted. This has just become an Aha moment for me.
I can feel my confidence and inner strength expanding since becoming aware of how I have been playing it small.
Work was one of the biggest places I used to be an apologist, the hierarchy of people in companies never used to help this especially with all the subconscious ill beliefs and ideals people held to do with power. I have come a long way from this now, and it is clear to feel that claiming ourselves and being all we are knowing we are equal to ALL from the cleaners to the CEO is the only way to go.
I too “ used to apologise for just being me”, quite regularly in fact, but I realise now that the me I was apologising for was not actually the true me – that me was well and truly buried under an avalanche of ideals and beliefs, all taken on from someone else. Now I know who I truly am (with lots of support from the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and the wonderful Sacred Esoteric Healing modalities), I have no need to apologise for just being me, as the me who I have rediscovered, is one pretty amazing person; no apologies needed for that!
Thank you for writing this blog, as it has made me recognise how even our body posture and movements can be expressing the sentiment of ‘apology’ when we are not connected or present with ourselves. Communication is occurring even when we do not speak…. So what are we saying when we are not speaking?
That is a really great point. I can read a lot about the students I teach just based on their walk and posture. A lot is being communicated even when we don’t speak. I can tell a lot about myself based on my own walk and how I hold my shoulders. So much is being communicated by the energy and movement we choose.
Yes so true Tracy. I recall going to my son’s graduation last year and watching the senior school students each walk across the stage… I was completely shocked by how few walked straight, their back and shoulders hunched and braced in protection, particularly the boys. With only a couple of exceptions, every last one was the same… there is a great deal being communicated by this… but l’m not sure we’re really paying attention to the volumes that are there to be read right under our noses.
It is incredible when we start observing how often are minds and bodies are in the same place at the same time and when they are not, when they are totally separately doing their own thing with body making the tea and mind thinking about a make-belief conversation you should have had with someone last week. At first I found it was a very small percentage of the time that I was truly present with myself ann not off in my dreamy head. I’m with you Vicky, one of the greatest learnings and practices imparted by Universal Medicine are those that support us to develop conscious presence. Conscious presence is life-changing.
Apologising for just being me. How much does this come into play in people’s bodies – in their postures, the way we move and even in everyday actions and words? For example always having an upward inflexion at the end of sentences as if making it a question rather than a statement. It is really a huge thing to explore and of course that begins within myself. There have been huge changes from embracing the teaching of Serge Benhayon and how the love and confirmation we seek outside ourselves in life, can never be fulfilling and only can be truly let go of, when we choose it in ourselves first.
So true, Simon, I can feel what a difference posture makes just sitting at my computer. When I allow my back to bend and my shoulders to roll in, my head protrudes out and I’m aware of feeling less claimed in myself, I’ve given up holding my back nice and straight and given in to the slouch …. what else will I then ‘give in to’ in this pose ….
Yes great point Alison… movement is expression, and expression is everything. Slouch in posture, and it’s all downhill from there!
What a great point Simon, the very subtle, upward flexion at the end of sentences is actually a real giveaway of how we feel about ourselves, the seeking of and approval to confirm our worth.
Vicky it’s wonderful to hear about the changes to your confidence and to see this reflected in your posture, outlook and relationship with yourself, what a huge shift this has been. Some would think this impossible when they are feeling the way you describe from just a decade ago, but the changes brought about by the teachings, workshops and healing modalities presented by Universal Medicine are nothing short of a miracle – but oh so very ordinary as when I look at the student body I see these same huge shifts in so many, many people!
Vicky your transformation is amazing… and who would have thought that our ability to stay present with our movements was related to confidence, but it makes perfect sense laid out as you have.
It is a great point I agree Jenny, if I’ve found myself in situations where I need to speak in front of an audience I sometimes feel anxious but if I bring my focus back to my breath and stay with my body the anxiety quickly fades.
Yes Kate, l’ve had similar experiences too using my breath this way to be more present when l’m anxious… the power of such a simple gesture is very marked and goes to show the anxiety is baseless, merely a creation of the mind, made possible by not staying present in the moment with ourselves.
I have watched my movements play a huge role in how I am feeling within. It is very exposing to watch the human body’s movements respond to how connected and self loving we are with ourselves. When I go into self doubt and lack of confidence my body shows me this through rolling my ankle or knocking my body in someway. Being aware that everything is everything and nothing is nothing, that roll of the ankle makes me stop, reconnect and be aware that my movements are revealing a truth to me.
Yes it is amazing Tracy, everything we ever wanted to know is right there in our own bodies… it’s just a matter of listening.
And knowing how to listen! The body records faithfully everything we are, everything we do, everything we feel – it is all reflected back. We need to become the true observer of life so that the glass is not twisted or blurred by our emotions or ideals and we get the message.
Yes well said Lyndy, we do indeed need to become true observers of life and of our own bodies. As you say, nothing goes unregistered as everything is energy and every choice therefore is first an energetic one.
Very cool Jenny!
Beautiful blog Vicky, we all have a responsibility to not see ourselves as anything other than equal to one another. We could use the perfect example of the cleaner in the company, too often this role is looked down upon yet it is crucial to the functioning of any business, and so often we put one person above or below another, on a pecking order, yet this is not who we are and it is disharmonious when we do this. It is a gorgeous way to live to treat everyone with equal respect, I would say very life affirming appreciating the qualities we all have and living in acceptance of both ourself and everyone else.
Thank you Vicky for sharing your story, reading your blog I am reminded how, I too, used to say sorry for everything, like I was saying sorry for being here in this world. It has made me aware of how much I have changed over the last few years, thanks to Serge and Universal Medicine teachings.
Thanks to you for sharing this Vicky, I was really aware of the times I apologised before I said something. I love how people sharing allows moments of awareness and evolution. Expression is everything.
Can it also sometimes be an expression that may be necessary but through immense pride we are unable to say it?
So powerful Vicky, it is so great to expose the apologetic behaviour of so many that is under the belief of being polite, but actually is the consequence of lack of self worth.
Yes, being ‘nice’ is not so nice after all!
Even if we don’t use the word ‘sorry’ that much, it is mostly our body that is expressing the sorry, as our posture and the way we move is saying: sorry I am here. I have noticed that the more I allow myself to be all of me and express this, I am actually becoming taller. I know, it may seem weird at the age of 43 but it is true, my body is saying hello world here I am and it changes completely in how I stand, walk, sit and move.
Vicky what you share is very familiar to me, I also used to make myself smaller and lesser than others thinking that apologizing in advance would be less annoying to them. In fact I’m sure the opposite played out when I adopted this behavior. It still creeps in occasionally when I want to ask questions but it’s a very noticeable feeling in my body and comes well before the words, which I’m very appreciative of. It means I have a split second to be with myself, breath a gentle breath and know that I am present and purposeful in my body and equal to whoever I’m talking with.
I can relate to what you have shared in many ways, and especially recently with how being present with all my movements has a strong positive effect on self-confidence and clarity. Since I have committed to a daily walking program for over 6 months now, the level to which I am staying aware of my body during other times of the day has increased dramatically, and I can feel how this has made me less reactive and more solid in the way I express and interact with others in general.
I love what you share here Kristy, walking is one of the ways I pick myself up too. Whenever I feel I am starting to get tired, feel myself slouching or depressing thoughts are enticing me, I do a little walk in all my dignity, chest out, head high, as if I was a queen – that really does the trick as it supports me to remember the fact of my divinity.
There is so much to learn about ourselves from our expression in our movement reflecting how we are feeling. With temporal knowledge, some people can feel they know more than others, and other people can feel less and apologise for their own existence. But you are beautiful living proof Vicky that we are all confident within ourselves and have everything we need, when we connect and feel our own equality.
It is true, we never really stop learning and if we are open to it this process can be incredibly supported. Thank you for the inspiration to keep paying attention to the things we hold on to that are no longer needed.
“be open with vulnerability” these words stood out for me. Being able to feel a much deeper connection, instead of saying I’m sorry.
“With the healing modalities I have been able to feel and see what I have been holding onto within my body that was not truly me…” I have found Universal Medicine therapies to be super supportive too – helping me to be more connected with myself and my body and so more aware of how I am feeling and the choices I make in life. Things that don’t feel true stick out more so it is easier to let them go and embrace more of who I really am.
A great blog about how we are and relate to others. Saying sorry is a familiar pattern with our own lack of trust and connection with ourselves and something I grew up saying also. It is great to realise and appreciate that this is lessening in my life as I build my love and foundation with myself more each day. What a great refection you are Vicky and an honest sharing, thank you.
This is a great point Kristy – that we can apologise for our presence in more ways than saying sorry. It’s our body, how we hold it, how we dress and how we talk. I’ve felt myself hiding for a long time and apologising for being too much light for people, or joy, so I would dull that down to not stand out. But that’s old news and I am stepping out and becoming who I have always been and not afraid to shine.
‘…I felt I just had to accept it as I thought that was the way I was and I didn’t know how to change.’
This line really stood out for me and I wonder how many of us think or have thought like this about ourselves – that we are unchangeable, born this way and unaware that we actually have a choice in every moment. I know I thought like that and succumbed to thinking I had an addictive personality and would always smoke! Universal Medicine is giving the power back to people, the power to KNOW we have a choice and to not just think our patterns and behaviors are who we are. I love how UM presents that we truly are – divine, equal and true Love and anything less then that is not the real deal.
Vicky these are deeply inspiring changes that show how through your choices you have completely turned around how you feel and are in life. As others have shared truly amazing and lovely to read.
Yesterday I caught myself beginning an email with the word ‘apologies’. Thanks to your article Vicky, I became aware of just how draining it is to open a conversation with that pathetic kind of energy that comes with ‘apology mode’ and quickly erased the word. We have such a responsibility to ensure that our interactions lift and support one another, not drag each other down. Sometimes the words ‘sorry’ or ‘my apologies’ are very appropriate, but we do not need to diminish our selves when we say it. Thank you for reminding me about the power of our words and the quality of energy we deliver them in.
Having known you for many years it is a joy to have witnessed the changes you have made. That change is a testament to and endorsement of both you and the work of Universal Medicine.
Gorgeous Vicky. Life can become quite intense and overwhelming sometimes, and a lot of humanity struggle to know how to deal with all of the issues and problems that can arise. This often leads them down a route of distracting themselves, self abuse or checking out from life. What I love about what you shared is that you’ve shown that things can actually be SO simple… We don’t have to fight our problems, we just need to commit to deepening our expression, level of responsibility and adjust the quality of our movements to more and more love, and things naturally adjust around us.
Beautifully expressed Susie, love was never meant to be complicated, it’s always the simplicity in our actions that brings us back to what is true
So beautifully said katechorley… it is the simplicity in our actions that brings us back to what is true!
‘We don’t have to fight our problems, we just need to commit to deepening our expression, level of responsibility and adjust the quality of our movements to more and more love, and things naturally adjust around us.’ So beautifully and wisely said, we can either choose to make life a struggle or choose to make life about always deepening our love, our commitment and the way we express. One way is super unpleasant and the other way is completely full of joy.
I used to apologise for EVERYTHING too, it was really a protection and a ‘don’t hurt me’ kind of thing. The word “Sorry” literally proceeded every sentence I said, until one day I started to feel – why am I apologisng for being super cute and super sweet? And why do I apologise for being amazing? It doesn’t make sense. It was a habbit that took a long time to change, but I try to reserve “Sorry” now for times when I genuinely feel to apologise, rather than an everyday protection.
Beautiful Meg… the appreciation you developed for who you are has clearly been key in you shifting this pattern. Well done, you’ve offered another dimension for what can be behind this ‘habit’ that is very helpful.
Jenny, Meg certainly did add another helpful dimension. Could it be we presenting ourselves much smaller than we truly are and apologising for our amazingness so as to avoid inciting jealousy? Or something?
Yes jeannettegold, I suspect you are spot on… we are not so afraid of our own amazingness, as others reaction to it. This is just an excuse of course as in truth we have no real issue with others reactions, but rather shirk the responsibility we are otherwise called to live in being a true reflection for others.
“..I used to apologise for just being me.” Welcome in the club, this says it all. It is great Vicky how you have claimed yourself back and now can stand more confident and open in the world.
Thanks Vicky for sharing about this pattern, which I know very well, that we are in fact apologizing for not standing, walking and living the amazing beings that we are. Until a person like Serge Benhayon comes along, who does not accept this kind of apology and asks a simple question: What excuse do we really have not to shine out everything that we are?
This is a great read and a wonderful reminder for us all that we do not need to choose to apologise for being who we are.
Yes a great reminder, Michelle.. ‘we do not need to choose to apologies for being who we are.’ A rose does not apologize for being so beautiful, a tree does not apologize for its grandness and an ant does not apologize for its power.
Vicky, since reading your article I have noticed how much I say sorry and how much other people say sorry when there really is no need to, I simply wanted to pass someone in the supermarket yesterday and myself and the other woman were both apologizing to each other, me for wanting to get past and her for being there so that I couldn’t pass straight away, I can feel how it is considered ‘polite’ and ‘good manners’ to say sorry in such situations, when in truth there is nothing to apologize for.
There is a Group energy of being apologetic that comes from the Catholic Church. Where we are lead or choose to believe, so as not to take responsibility for our choices, the idea that we are not good enough in the eyes of God. Which is absolutely not true, God is love, but is created by man to control, and not step up into the full glorious, all knowing divine beings that we are.
There is one thing you have not mentioned Vicky: the extent you have worked in your expression, and how connection to what you have to express and just saying it changed you amazingly.
Yes I agree with Eduardo, the extent to which you have claimed yourself, Vicky, and blossomed as a woman is phenomenal, and something to celebrate, so thank you for sharing this with us.
This feeling of equality is essential for our evolution, and Serge Benhayon is the living embodiment of equality… its not just words when he expresses his equality, it is a statement of love that offers the opportunity for us all to evolve to hithertofore unimaginable awareness.
Exactly.. and when we apologise we hold ourselves less than everything.
Beautifully simple and succinct Abby – full of truth.
I have witnessed the amazing change you went through Vicky. If I compare the first Vicky I met compared to the claimed, beautiful Vicky that you are now, I can only say that the change has been monumental, real and for good. I prefer the new Vicky all the way!!
I have also witnessed the amazing change you have been through Vicky. True Eduardo the change is ‘monumental, real and for good. The solidness you now show Vicky is beautiful and inspirational.
The healing modalities as been presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine are special to me as well Vicky. They do heal on such deep levels and assist in a great way in letting go of patterns and behaviours by healing the root issues of it. They have helped me to come into a deeper contact with myself, with that part of me that knows as it has connection with the al knowing or the universe. Feeling that connection gives me the confidence and strength in life such that I can now now stand for who I am and what I know.
Awesome blog Vicky! I can remember doing this also, I would say ‘sorry’ for almost everything and my whole body presented an apologetic stance like ‘who me?’. Since I’ve stopped saying ‘sorry’ for things that there is completely no need for, I can feel the ickiness now when others start apologising. It’s like apologising gives us an excuse to not change and continue to stay small and less then or not move forward. Your blog has made me ponder on all the non-verbal apologetic ways that I live.
Great comment Aimee I could relate to the apologetic stance …like “who me” and the excuse it gives us to carry on staying small. There is much to consider here by the way we stand and hold ourselves, What we are reflecting to the world without even uttering an apologetic word?
So true Alison we are communicating from our bodies all of the time… I’m becoming a lot more aware of how I walk into a room or go to speak with someone if my body or voice changes at all. It’s been an interesting experiment.
There has been much to reflect on with your blog, Vicky, great topic for discussion! I have been pondering on how I’ve been affected by being on the receiving end of ‘sorry’ ….. I feel I’ve allowed it to harden me and I’ve started to judge people when they say sorry but i can feel the insincerity in their words as they continue with the same pattern of behaviour. The judgment comes in reaction to my hurt, for the insincerity and as future protection. However, knowing that the person is choosing not to take responsibility at that time and that is just where they are at, if I acknowledge this and give them the space to show that they are sorry this time, through their future behaviour, it is so much more loving and supportive. When I judge someone I feel it’s like putting a nail in the coffin, confirming to the person that they aren’t sorry and there’s no inspiration for them to do otherwize.
And requires a whole lot more effort than going all the way and playing big, by just being who you really are.
Thank you Vicky. I can totally relate to your blog. I used to do exactly the same, I started to apologies a lot because I thought it was a polite thing to do as almost every one around me did the same. I noticed I was doing this to fit and it became so automatic. Now I no longer apologise if I don’t mean it but learning to express from my heart and the fullness of being me.
A great blog showing that true confidence is not something related to how we are with the outside world but how we are within ourselves.
I agree Paula, it always comes back to the relationship and acceptance we have with ourselves.
Could not agree more Paula and beautifully expressed!
As long as we are not confident with ourselves and love ourselves just as we are, nothing will give us confidence and the feeling of being secure as eventually any game that we play with ourselves to pretend otherwise will fail.
Michael so true confidence comes from within us, when we love ourselves enough, the confidence raises from within. It’s trusting ourselves in full.
Beautifully put, Paula confidence has nothing to do with the outside world or getting enough recognition and appreciation and everything with how we are with ourselves.
Well said Paula. If I make the focus on how I am with the outside world it comes with such a hardness. When I make it about how I am with myself there is an absoluteness and power that comes with such a tenderness. If I am with me, then nothing can shake me – it can try, but I am steady.
Vicky as everything is energy before it appears as matter, then I am wondering what the trail looks and feels like in the body that results in the apologising and hand ringing that many of us has done. What effect does the energy that sets up these ways of being have on our organs and the structure of the body. In the same way that water running over stone wears away the stone, is it that the energy of apology over time causes the shoulders to fall in and the head to come forwards ?
Great and valid points Alexis, it would seem that the way we are in our body would very much reflect the way we choose to live. When we stop and consider this it explains so much about how we move and feel within our body.
Great point Alexis, structurally it definitely has an affect. I have noticed a significant structural shift in my body since I have been addressing this apologetic energy.
Very good point, Alexis and on that note, it’s important to acknowledge that the word, sorry, isn’t always verbalised when it’s felt by someone wanting to shrink into the background and not be noticed, however, energetically, the effect is the same. I have often walked into a room and just wanted everyone to keep on talking and pretend I wasn’t there, to allow me to find a seat without looking at me. I may not have said ‘Sorry’ out loud, but I was feeling it inside.
Great point Alexis. It makes me realise the power in our movement and the way we carry our body. If the energy is first expressed through movement, can we change it and shift it by the way we have our shoulders. Could a simple moving of the shoulders back shift that energy and is that how we train ourselves? Is is possible that the energy cannot remain in or body if we carry our body in a way that does not allow for an expression of that? And from there would the energy over time have less and less entry points?
This is a great topic to share Vicky…Although I have used the word sorry a lot in the past I’ve also come to realise through the presentations of Universal Medicine that apologising can come in so many other ways too – not just in saying the word ‘sorry’ but in our actions and demeanour too. How we fuss and try to make everything ‘better’ or ‘fix things’ for others, making life about everyone else, is another way of hiding how we truly feel about ourselves, and apologising for being us. Our body language can come with a feeling of apology in the way we try to make ourselves small physically and energetically…and not standing in the full knowing of who we are in any given moment.
I have realised that the ‘apologising’ I am hooked into is the ‘belief’ that I should know everything. The intelligence of the world, of institutional learning, places so much ‘credibility’ on someone if they are ‘well educated’, these people are celebrated and we are all compared to the benchmark this sets. So what has been happening is that my beliefs around this have meant that I have played small, that I have seen myself as less and I have been apologising every since. Since meeting Serge Benhayon and listening to the Universal Medicine presentation, I have re-connected to who I truly am and the comparisons, the ‘seeing myself as less’ and how I hold myself in the world have changed. There are now no more apologies that pass my lips that judge, justify, excuse or confirm being less. I am amazing and now I celebrate that in full.
That’s great to hear Ch1956 I am not there but love reading inspiring comments that show it is possible to live not feeling less or more, but equal and loving.
Reading this comment I realized I still apologise because I have the belief that I should know everything. I feel apologetic in my body and I fell less when in a situation where someone points something out that I didn’t know. It is for me to look at why I think I should already know everything. It brings up quite a lot for me.
Woah! I have been reflecting on how much I used to apologise about almost everything, as if I shouldn’t be taking up any space at all, not worthy to be here, for existing.
The void I used to walk around in is no longer, instead I am filling it with a me who knows who she is more and more each day.
So, I say thanks, firstly to myself for making different and more loving choices, to the example and inspiration set by Universal Medicine without whom this would not have been possible and to the amazing and inspiring contributors to blogs such as these.Thank you.
Hear, hear Jeanette. I was an apologist until I came to the teachings of Universal Medicine, and living inspiration of Serge Benhayon and many others who live in a way that makes no apology for being here. They are solid and strong but not at all imposing and know their worth.
It’s incredible how one small word, ‘Sorry’, has sneaked in to our everyday parlance at the start of many a sentence. Indeed, ‘Sorry’ does not ‘seem to be the hardest word’ at all, rather the strongest, simplest self put-down we can use and we give our power away completely with every utterance of it.
Yes this is true Cathy. I also feel that we use the word as an armour, protection to hide ourselves and our hurts to keep people at bay.
Spot on Cathy. Saying sorry just expresses how obvious it is to us that we do not love ourselves.
It is true, this is a great example of one word either helping you to move on or holding you back. I was a perpetual sorryer!!
Cathy that is so spot and powerfully stated. The laxness with which we have learned to use the word ‘sorry’ makes it “the strongest, simplest self put-down we can use and we give our power away completely with every utterance of it.”
I have also noticed that we can go through phases of our life actually milking this put-down. Using the word, or simply acting out that way of thinking about ourself, can be a perfect excuse to avoid responsibility.
I agree Cathy, sometimes it feels like every other word I say, especially at work. Like Vicky, there is something immensely powerful about being unapologetic in who we are, not pushy or over bearing, but confident and strong.
Yes Cathy, saying ‘sorry’ has become habitual in some cases and in others it can come shrouded in doubt. There is a saying ‘old habits dies hard’, which reminds me how using the word sorry in many instances is a habit. Building on our awareness and appreciation of ourselves changes these habits of apologising and putting self down. Awareness and Appreciation of ourselves claims the truth of who we really are. No more room for ‘sorry’.
Saying sorry is such a habit, it rolls off my lips before I have even woken up to myself. Very revealing!! The more in my body I am, with more awareness of how I walk the less I am saying or doing something without my full consent.
I agree Cathy that it is amazing, but also very sad, how one word has so much power to take us down, reduce us to a smaller version of the grandness we all are. We have given this word this power; power that we have taken from ourselves – it is definitely time to take it back!
This one word ‘Sorry’ says so very much when it is used in any way other than for a genuine apology, which is sometimes needed. It puts the person saying it on the back foot as not feeling worthy or of feeling like they are a nuisance for bothering someone when asking a question or similar.
There is a place for sorry – I know that I sometimes hurt others through my irresponsibility or because of my own hurts and in situations like that “sorry” is well deserved. Yet it is how we say it. I can say sorry apologising for my behaviour without apologising for myself. It is when we say “sorry” and bring with it an overall apology for who we are that the word is damaging.
My experiences with this has led me to the conclusion that by the time a ‘sorry’ has passed my lips I have already said sorry in my body whether it be with body language or posture or just a level of anxiety and tension in my body. I am on the back foot, I have reduced myself to a fraction of who I am and deliberately reduced the power that my presence brings. So it seems that the apologising for my existence has already occurred energetically before I even say it verbally.
It’s true Katie, both the lack of drama and judgement and the wealth of understanding Vicky holds for her self is super inspiring.
Apologising is exhausting. For the one apologising and the one accepting the apology. Thank you Vicky for choosing to be your gorgeous self and truly valuing who you are without apology.
I agree Kathryn, for the one accepting the apology it is draining and exhausting indeed. It also does something in my body if another apologies unnecessary, I can feel something is not right and don’t like the reflection of what another does to himself by putting himself down.
It feels awful when another person puts themselves down, doesn’t it? What hurts one… hurts us all.
Absolutely, Kathryn, we all suffer from another who puts themselves down, for this is not who we are and the denying of our innate grandness is painful.
Mary, your phrase ‘being a passenger’ aptly describes how we just go through the motions of life relying on some other vehicle to transport us to our destination rather than seeing that we are responsible for our choices and it is our body that is the real vehicle that carries us everywhere and it is through this body that we express and reflect to others.
As a woman I find the posture I hold myself in imperative to how I feel and treat myself.
Yes, I did not think this would be so true and power-full but it is.
Agreed. When we put conscious presence and movement together you feel an exquisite clarity and grace in all you do, when you add inner-stillness to the mix you experience a way of moving that feels superlative to all others. Universal Medicine is the gift that keeps on giving .. I can’t wait to receive the next installment.
I am starting to really feel and notice the difference my posture has but also, I notice the difference when I have taken time to exercise or not, to be in my body in all my movements or not. It all makes a difference. Every single part.
Posture is really important, it really can aid us to align our bodies to being connected or slumped and unconnected. I think that how simple things make big differences is something we as quite arrogant humans do not like admitting and rather prefer complex reasons as that makes change seem difficult, when in fact it is simply a choice.
So true, we humans imagine that things have to be complicated when In fact it is a simple choice that clears, heals, and builds. We choose and then the love (or the not-love) does the work.
I really felt this today Vanessa, how are posture is important. I was listening to someone at work whilst standing and when I shifted my body slightly it changed from me ‘saying’ I’m listening to ‘here I am I am totally with you’. Such a difference in just changing the angle of my leg.
I am finding that to be very true myself Abby, apology cannot be in a body that is held in love and acceptance.
Yes it is absolutely fascinating how our daily postures and movements affects how we feel about ourselves and how we express ourselves to others.
I agree, my posture hugely effects the way I feel about myself as a woman, and often the smallest tweak can assist me to feel more connected and more of my strength.
The moments we seize to appreciate how far we have come are grand gestures toward ourselves, allowing us to continue to expand and evolve. The breakthroughs you’ve made are most certainly worth celebrating.
Awesome blog Vicky. I relate to so much of what you share here. Your story also allowed me to appreciate the amazing changes in my own life that came about after I participated in Esoteric Healing courses with Universal Medicine.
I came across as mentally confident but I also said ‘sorry’ a lot. Sorry for being disharmonious, sorry for making a mistake, sorry that we don’t agree, the list goes on. Now everything feels much more harmonious, so the need to say sorry is mostly gone.
When we are not being who we truly are, we can have a million and one things we think we need to apologise for… but in being who we are, there is not an ounce of apology needed.
Yes, why apologize for something that is deeply beautiful and natural?
And it feels that more equal and honouring to each other if I do not apologise myself for being who I am, making myself less than the other, as that is how I ultimately felt that apologising myself did to me.
Thank-you Vicky, reading this I am reminded of a great blog on the Women in Livingness site called “Apology Not Accepted” where an image consultant reveals how often women apologies for how they look.
http://womeninlivingness.com/2013/03/30/apology-not-accepted/#more-874
Bring it on, lets expose what is not and live what is.
Vicky thank-you for flagging this up, this is such a common mode for so many who like you had accepted it as part of them. Amazing to unearth what lies behind the apology and seeing how your body actually wore its expression, what beautiful confirmation that you knew even then that this was not truly you.
The Sacred Esoteric Healing Courses presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have also been life changing for me, too. The thought of how I would be compared to how I am and the life I live now is like thinking of a nightmare.
Beautiful Vicky, this line says so much “Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.” It is a real privilege to have personally witnessed the immense changes you have made within yourself, its been like watching a tiny struggling rose bud flourish into a big beautiful rose. And its true, apologising for ourselves before we even ask a question is a big sign of insecurity and low self esteem, but rarely do we truly address it as such. I love how the teachings of Universal Medicine support us all to stand tall within our bodies, to care for how we move, speak and interact with a great deal of care and respect, so that restoring our inherent self respect is a matter of course within our normal living day.
“… through Universal Medicine everybody is offered to step out of their self created reduced version and embrace the grandness we all are.” I love this way to describe Universal Medicine, Rachel – thank you.
Thank you Vicky, the changes you have made are worth celebrating as you are now able to live a fuller life as well as continuously build on this new foundation – awesome as this is a win win for everyone – you feel YOU and we all feel YOU 🙂 !!
I can relate here Doug, apologising, keeping quiet, doing what I had been asked even if I did not agree etc. It is amazing how caught we can be in something and feel we have no way out other then to run away, this was my reaction to when things got too much.
‘If we are purposeful and present (body and mind together) with each move we make, to the best of our ability, be it filling up the kettle to make a cup of tea or walking to a door, this can bring about a true confidence and commitment that is felt deep within the body, giving us something tangible we can build from.’ Bringing the mind and body together in this way is not a big ask and if we can do it consistently, maybe not so easy at times, but to the best of our ability, our way of living does change. I have also found this for myself, and confidence definitely builds.
The realisation that when we fall into old patterns there is an opportunity to evolve is a wonderful place to get to in life. Rather than beat ourselves up and go back into self-loathing or something similar, we can choose the loving route of asking ourselves what it is we can see in this pattern, what we can learn from it and treat it like a gift rather than a grenade! It’s just a choice!
Thank you Vicky for high-lighting such an important subject which on the surface may seem quite trivial but the consequences of apologising and not feeling worthy run very deep. Just the fact that you have mentioned how your posture has changed shows how damaging it is to apologise for speaking up or seeing ourselves as being a nuisance.
Coming to the ‘deeper and clearer understanding of energy’ has made so much sense of the events of my life I have no doubt that it is ‘behind’ everything. I am certain that we know and feel energy all the time and that I have always been able to do so. Like you Vicky, it has been one of the great ‘aha moments’ in my life, confirming so much that went before. Listening to how I feel in my body rather than just what I think has been a wonderful transformation – one that continues to deepen every day – allowing me a much truer choice of how to ‘walk’ and move through life.
Thank you for this beautiful reminder Vicky ‘if we are purposeful and present (body and mind together) with each move we make, to the best of our ability, be it filling up the kettle to make a cup of tea or walking to a door, this can bring about a true confidence and commitment that is felt deep within the body, giving us something tangible we can build from.’ The perfect antidote to the incessant apologiser of which I used to be one. I can now feel how I used saying sorry as a tool to try and avoid people being angry with me which was not always effective and certainly had a negative impact on me both physically in the way I carried myself and also mentally and emotionally in the way I constantly felt ‘less than’ whoever I was apologising to but also felt resentful of my self imposed squashing of myself. Crazy behaviour which I am so grateful to let go and I now choose to take responsibility for bringing all of me to any situation and reserve apologies for times when a heartfelt Sorry is appropriate.
“I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.” the fact that everything is connected to everything else really comes through here. It’s an important reminder that when we are in that state of being an “apologist” we don’t allow ourselves any true connection with another. What you’ve shared about when open up with vulnerability and in that also feel a deeper connection to people is quite incredible, yet when I reflect on that in myself I feel the same. It is those moments of vulnerability where the depth of connection goes beyond the “comfort accepted level” to what is real.
“It’s an important reminder that when we are in that state of being an “apologist” we don’t allow ourselves any true connection with another.” And in the same way we do not allow any true connection to ourselves. Great point, David.
Great sharing Vicky about a real change in your life thank you. What you express brings up the religious ideal of repentance for me and the perhaps bastardised sense that we are here to be sorry for our sins – certainly something I have felt for much of my life. My experience of trying to live that way is that it simply perpetuates itself but today I celebrate the deep sense of equalness with others that I feel – not equally sinful, but equally Divine – and know that this is the energetic truth behind true religion.
Vicky, the point you make about body posture is a good one, with the way so many people turn their shoulders inward when they feel less confident in themselves. I sleep on my side and tend to curl up and my shoulders were almost permanently that way until recently, because as I have begun to open up more and feel more confident I tend to put my shoulders back and be less defensive and my body feels great.
Vicky, this is beautiful to read how claimed you are and I can feel your willingness to go deeper in being concsious present with your moves everyday. You have made a wonder-full change in your body and life.
Saying sorry and being apologetic for who we are diminishes the grandness that we are. When we come to realise this and claim ourselves as you have Vicky, there is no longer the need to apologise because we know who we are.
I feel the key to what you share Vicky is presence. Knowing who we are and living from that space naturally allows our true confidence to shine. As someone who can still slip into being apologetic, this blog is gold and a great confirmer of the fact that our true confidence comes from living with purpose, presence and knowing our worth.
Vicky, I love what you offer here as your lived experience that we are so much more than how many of us have lived and that through learning to live and walk who we really are we offer ourselves and the world true confidence, and an understanding that it is a continually evolving path one which offers us ever and always the opportunity to let go what isn’t us and claim a little more of us in each and every moment.
Yes, I hadn’t considered that but it is true. For me it makes me feel small and guarded.
I really love this blog Vicky. I appreciate the openness with which you have shared your experience from someone who hid away to someone now open with the world. Go girl!
For so many, the word ‘sorry’ can be an automatic default word. Sorry not for anything in particular, but for everything at the same time.
Vicky, your blog clearly shows the effect of how we live and our choices on our body. When this is discussed often all that is considered is our lifestyle choices, but this shows the effect on our body when we consider ourselves less than any other. If it affects how we move and how we hold our body, it must also effect how our body functions and our overall health.
“the effect on our body when we consider ourselves less than any other” is devastating. It affects us to the ‘n’ details in everything we do, in every movement even if we are not moving. It is like texting ourselves all the time saying ‘you are less’. It is self-bullying.
Self bulling and self abuse Eduardo.
Vicky this is extraordinary. To no longer feel you have to apologise for you is huge. Knowing that we are all equal and no longer seeing yourself as less is something to celebrate and your body is very much in agreeance to living in this way.
When you lived apologetically, the real apology was “I apologise for making you believe that this one that is in front of you is the real me.” That is why the sorry preceded anything else.
Inspired by your sharing, I was watching how I was communicating at work yesterday. What I discovered was that: in the culture I grew up and live in, in the name of honourig another and letting them feel their grandness, many of us have adopted a posture and mode of communication to make ourselves less so that the others can feel superior. There’s a big difference there – grandness and superiority. We call that being polite and having good manners. No surprise how a ‘good’ girl would have found it hard to claim her own glory.
To be able to see and understand the ideals and beliefs that you have been living and expressing from that don’t serve you, and from that choose to let go and heal what allowed you to see yourself as less, is truly remarkable. There is no denying of the power of Sacred Esoteric Healing when you commit to being open to seeing and addressing what stands in the way of you living the enormity of who you are when free of all of that.
I agree that one of the most profound teachings delivered by Universal Medicine is the power of presence in movement. As you say it can be as simple as staying present with the body and what we are doing, as we do it. Presence builds confidence in all areas of life.
And being present with our expression means that we feel what we say , all that we say, and with this an ever expanding responsibility for our expression.
Yes true Cjames2012, our responsibility to express in a quality that does not harm another. Building connection with our bodies is key as we are able to feel what is next.
Great subject to write on, the Apologist… classic, I think most people could relate to this way of interacting, thank you Vicky for sharing your story.
Vicky, I love hearing how you have come from apologising to everyone left right and centre to being confident and beautifully present to life. The following words particular touched me: ‘I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.’ I too have been experiencing what it is like to stand vulnerable in front of people and be unafraid of whatever may come. I am simply me, just like all of us. We are all Sons of God. And you are so right, once we drop this silliness our capacity for deep and beautiful relationships becomes unbounded – literally!
This is a great blog Vicky! I love the way that you are giving thanks to the Sacred Esoteric Healing courses for having inspired you to this new way of living unapologetically. These courses are revolutionary and evolutionary in how they bring awareness to the way we have been living a false and lesser version of our true powerful selves. They are not just for someone who wants to become a healing practitioner but for anyone who wishes to take the steps of loving a fulfilling and purpose-full life. Thank you!
Great you were so aware of the words you chose Vicky, “sorry” being a really popular and relatable one and indeed stemming from a lack of confidence about oneself.. and even more great is how you managed to change this by claiming more of yourself from within your body, and how you move — change the body, to change the thoughts, words and movement. Awesome.
What I find amazing is the extent to which the Esoteric Healing modalities allow you to go through a process whereby you start observing how your body feels as you go in business as usual mood to realise that it feels awful and registering the pain of that awfulness in the body and only then letting it go. Unimed courses offer a path to evolution like nothing else.
Thank you Vicky, wow what changes you have made – simply incredible. I can so so relate, and knowing you it has been a joy and inspiration to watch your beauty, divinity and confidence evolve.
I can remember my best friends dad saying to me when I was younger that he only needs to come into the room for me to apologise to him and it was true, such was my lack of self esteem I too was always apologising for anything and everything. I realise it was also a game that I played to keep people from knowing the real, true and powerful me, I hide behind a mask of niceness in order to not shine too brightly.
I can relate to this Samantha, but the trick is that those who look closer, cannot but see the shining you. And in the most cases these people reflect this back to us as you friend’s dad.
Thanks for sharing this Jane. Like Vicky, this is huge. How many people in the world are being less than who they truly are? What happens when we are less than who we truly are? The world misses out!!
Something I have learned through attending Universal Medicine events and the presentations by Serge and Curtis Benhayon is magnitude of the effect each step we take can have. We can walk and move in a way that either heals or harms ourselves, and how we are living can be reflected in how we walk. Learning to be present with each step I take, and feel the fluidity of my body all the way from my head to my feet is a learning in progress, but something I am committed to as it allows my body to be in the harmony it knows, as opposed to the way I have wanted it to look or be.
Great point Amelia, our walk and moves affect our whole body system. And what determines how we walk and move is the awareness and the state of being we are in.
Thankyou Vicky, like yourself when I look back to my life prior to experiencing Universal Medicine’s Sacred Esoteric Healing (SEH) Modalities, I was also carrying around many behaviours which felt terrible to live with. I have since made enormous positive changes to my health and wellbeing thanks to SEH. After trying out so many alternative and so called “healing” modalities prior to finding Universal Medicine, which simply did not energetically solve the issue, I can confidently say that the complementary therapies of SEH have been a true contributor to change in my life. I will be using SEH for the rest of my life.
This is beautiful Vicky. I’ve been the opposite for a long time and can still be. I’ve hidden my insecurity by hardening myself and in this way not showing my strength, vulnerability and love. The key for me in this process has been and still is acceptance. Rather than pushing myself to ‘not be’ that what I don’t want to be. Where in Truth, this behaviour isn’t actually me. Accepting and surrendering to the True Floris, just as the True Vicky is an amazing process and wonderful to feel. I now love saying sorry, when I do make a ‘mistake’. I am forever learning.
Yes Floris, this is also what I experience with myself, acceptance is a key for truly being me. Accepting of all, means also the things I do not like or think are not ok with me.
I smiled when reading your comment Sonja. For me it is ‘especially’ the things I do not like (judgements) or think are not okay with or for me. I’ve created so much pictures of what behaviour is loving and what isn’t that I lived a life based on my own strict set of ideals and beliefs. The one that topped them all was that I had to be love and loving all of the time, always. But being love or loving was based on my own ‘rules’, and the way I treated myself, I treated the world and every one in this world. It is so lovely to let them go, one by one and experience the freedom and innocence in connections once again. Amazing! Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance.
Vicky, in the past I also apologised to people when I asked a question or even if I laughed. I was concerned that I might be bothering or irritating them, or taking them away from something much more important than me. Now, through the being a student of Universal Medicine, and having more presence and therefore confidence, I have more self-worth. I still occasionally ‘play small’ or ‘play less’ but am more likely to catch it and it doesn’t feel nice in my body.
Carmin, Vicky’s blog triggered memories of how I used to say ‘sorry’ a lot and reading your comment has triggered memories of how some of my movements used to be apologetic as well. For instance, when ever I was getting money out of my wallet in shops I used to scrabble to do it as quickly as possible as I had the feeling that I was ‘keeping the shop assistant waiting’. I am really beginning to understand how our movements guarantee the thoughts that we have, which in turn guarantee the kind of movement that we’re going to make. Serge Benhayon has always taught that by changing the way that we move we can change the way that we think. There is a way to break the cycle.
Alexis, your comment got me to go deeper with my past pattern of being apologetic. I remember my first session with an Esoteric Practitioner. They asked me to take my necklace and jumper off & lie on the table. I had extreme shoulder pain & was really battling to dress & undress, but I removed them quickly (and painfully), flung them on the chair and jumped up on the table. All in total disregard to how I was feeling but forever not wanting to ‘keep anyone waiting’ or irritate them. The practitioner commented on my ‘fast and disregarding movements’ at the time, which until then I hadn’t noticed. I can now appreciate how, by choosing to move in a more honouring way, others are more honouring of me too.
Perhaps when we apologise we are apologising for our own lack of responsibility, we excuse ourselves from embodying the truth of who we are and the grandness we bring.
Vicky, I too can relate to being an apologist and I used to say sorry all of the time. In fact I still catch myself doing this when it is so not needed and actually not even appropriate! Your blog brings this to awareness to many people – this is powerful because once we are aware of something then we are in a position to make a change. No apology needed here!
I have to add to this that is does seem pretty crazy when we apologise for who we are! To apologise for doing something that might have been a mistake or that may have hurt an other is fine, but we should never apologise for who we are. If we do it means we have not accepted ourselves and our purpose in life – it is like driving around in a clean car and apologising that you sparkle so much – this simply shows our own discomfort at shining! So glad you had brought this up Vicky – it is time to drop such behaviour and instead tell the onlookers to buy some sunglasses if they can’t handle the sparkle.
I am the same Henrietta, sometimes I do it out of habit but I am becoming more aware to not say sorry when it is not needed. By being more aware has definitely helped me with stopping my many habits that were not loving. This awareness is certainly empowering.
The key is to catch ourselves when we do go into apology – it is the habits that we develop that keep us ingrained and make us lose awareness…so it is helpful to read a blog like this one or have someone point out a habit to us to help build the awareness – or sometimes even just asking yourself over and over again to gain more awareness opens up our willingness to really see what is going on.
When we walk with the confidence of knowing who we are, with the Love we hold for ourselves and all others, we no longer walk in reaction to the world or live at the mercy of the falsities and beliefs imposed, as we instead respond with the knowing that being who we are is what is needed to bring more light to this world.
Thanks Vicky for reminding me that I do this apologetic thing too a little. Probably more than I realise. You’ve not only reminded me of that you’ve also reminded me how important it is to stop and appreciate the changes I have made that have really improved my life. Thank you!
This is beautiful Vicky. I have been attending Universal Medicine workshops and presentations for a number of years now and have seen some truly amazing changes in my life too. I am claimed and solid within myself, being me in all that I do, not changing to fit in with the situation. There is no apology for who I am.
It appears that saying sorry is showing us our lack of confidence within ourselves and although I didn’t go about apologising for everything and to everyone, I hid my lack of confidence behind a veneer of bravado. Like you Vicki I have found through the teachings of Universal Medicine and support from Universal Medicine practitioners “I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself” and what an awesome difference that brings, knowing the difference now from being self-conscious to being fully conscious of self.
We come so far when we commit to living a life of love. This was a beautiful and massive confirmation of how much has changed for you Vicky. I really enjoy when you talked about movement being a confirmation of who we are when it is done with presence; I hadn’t realized how much continual confirmation one can chose when one move with purpose.
“I now know and feel I am equal to everyone, which is massive in itself as a lot of the time I felt less than others.” I know this feeling very well and I agree it is most glorious to feel equal to everyone after having lived like I was less than others as well. Feeling equal feels like being held in a big hug with everyone who lives on this earth at the same time.
Reading your blog Vicky, I instantly remembered how the same action of bumping into or being bumped into brought forward ‘an Apology’ from me too – how this was a pattern. I am wondering how much it has to do with the ‘Expectations’ I have been brought up with or that I have placed on myself and how insignificant I believe I am. I loved the natural outcome that happened in the body as a result of your awareness and choice to stop saying sorry all the time – how your posture changed and you held yourself differently, not by force but by allowing this to naturally unfold. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presentations have also made me more aware of who I am and what I bring to the world – this means I stand much taller now and through claiming more of me I take greater responsibility in all that I do – especially in how I hold myself.
I am so sorry! Sorry! These words come out of the mouth as a matter of course. Just go to the supermarket and count how many times you or another, usually a woman, say these words. It is phenomenal. I’m sorry, but even after I have got over the feeling that I had to apologise for my very existence, the words just keep on coming. It makes me see just how long we have been held in this way of thinking. Great blog Vicky.
It is so, so common kathleenbaldwin – I see and hear it every day at work. Going into the ladies toilets and someone is coming the other way, the first thing the other woman says is ‘sorry’. I smile and say ‘it’s ok’ in return. It is phenomenal at how often this goes on and I’d say it is with women, I don’t notice men being this way.
Thanks Vicky for an awesome blog on a topic I can easily relate to. Apologies used to come out of my mouth very easily and for me it was often a way of being very polite, not upsetting others and being ‘nice’. Yet I have also grown hugely since attending Universal Medicine courses and having sessions with practitioners over the years. What I have learned is that expressing my truth is far more powerful and honouring for all concerned than me shrinking myself down to fit an image of what I think others will accept. It has been quite liberating to learn to say ‘sorry’ only when it’s really necessary.
This is a great point Marika, the blaming of self is really the same pattern of apologising. I hadn’t seen it like this before. This is the pattern of how I have very much put myself as less, listening to the inner critic. Self-appreciation has really helped to turn this around for me and is assisting me to see just how awesome I am.
Thank you Vicky. So many of us go through life, seemingly apologising for just being here. Lack of confidence and self-worth is so incredibly debilitating and what you have shared would ring true for many. Finding your inner strength and claiming back who you truly are has obviously allowed you to expand and blossom into the woman, no excuses, just moving and breathing in equality with all around you. Beautiful and inspiring transformation.
What huge turnaround Vicky in just nine years, well done for the choices you have made. Our body and our posture reveal and show the world so much of what is going on internally for us. As we develop and shift our internal environment through healing, so too does our posture change.
I really appreciate what you share Vicky about your re-connection to your inner confidence. You explain beautifully what it is that the Esoteric Healing Modalities offer everyone. I agree with you, for me they offer an amazing understanding and awareness to live a fulfilling and loving life committed and confident in me and equally committed and caring for humanity.
Thank you Vicky for sharing this gorgeous reflection and appreciation of yourself, and how you now live with confidence knowing and loving who you are. I can so relate to living with hesitation and being apologetic for being myself. ‘Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.’ – beautifully said. I can also appreciate this same loving support as Universal Medicine has inspired me to explore all that I am, to observe the patterns and choices that did not support who I truly am, to heal what holds me from living who I am and to discover all that I am connected to. Through this I now walk with more confidence that ever before knowing that the connection to my Soul is all that I am and the more I appreciate and deepen this connection the more I love who I am and all equally so, and the more I love living this in the world without hesitation.
This is a great realisation Vicky and I feel the same. “Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself”. Understanding how energy works and that we share the same particles as the Universe and nature is empowering. I don’t think I have ever heard nature apologising for its existence. Great blog, thank you.
Great point Victoria…nature never apologises for being here, and we do not need to apologise for being here either – we are each a very important part of a universal jigsaw puzzle, which through Universal Medicine’s presentations is not a puzzle but an awesome divine plan we are all part of.
Yes Paula, it is great to feel the truth of this divine plan and the equal part we play, for without all of us living the love we are, we are less as a whole.
Vicky, it has been amazing to witness the changes in myself and so many more students of Universal Medicine.. in our bodies literally opening, our shoulders dropping down as you say and becoming more and more confident. Being apologetic for who we are is a common trait in our society and something a large number of the current population affected with. If it’s not being apologetic, we tend to be falsely confident. To let ourselves be truly seen without facades and protection is an inspiration to everyone, to drop their own facades as well, and I’ve seen many people inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon lead the way in letting their true confidence, true and gorgeous light be fully seen.
I love how you have described the physical changes you noticed in your body Vicky as a result of changing how you are with yourself. It affirms what we know – that the body is always communicating to us when we are willing to listen.
A very beautiful sharing Vicky. I could feel how small you were when you apologised for being you. I have been there too but like you I do that very little now. Apology not accepted!!
I can relate to what you share here Vicky as I have also spent a lifetime ensnared in the web of apology and living less than who I know myself to truly be. But I have come to realise that we often apologise in order to attempt to diminish the grandness we are, as if by doing so it affords us an excuse to not ‘go there’ and live this light in full. We are each the living Sons of God and when this is known and felt within every pore of our being, then there is no room for apology but simply the space for us to go deeper in our expression of this love.
This is so true Liane and once we truly claim ourselves ‘there is no room for apology but simply the space for us to go deeper in our expression of this love.’ Feels so awesome rather than the contractedness of keeping ourselves small.
well said Liane, a clever little trick, but who we really fooling?
Beautifully expressed Liane,
Knowing who we are allows us to open up to our grandness rather then apologise and keep small.
I can relate Liane, it is something that I used to ensure that people didn’t know how amazing I was, like Clark Kent’s glasses and fumbling around The Daily Planet newspaper office, it’s an act, an attempt to hide who is underneath, as if you will not be safe if people know the truth.
Thank you Liane, I agree. I too can relate to what Vicky has shared in feeling like I am uncovering more and more the layers of apology and shying away from ‘imposing on’ anyone that has been lived in my life. As you rightly point our Liane this is all to diminish the power that we hold and can truly bring to another – in whatever way that is for us. I love that I am uncovering this, as I am discovering more and more how draining it actually is to live even 1% less than the amazingness I am, and that sympathy can no longer have a place in my life due to this.
Very true Liane and the big ouch here for me is that deep down I have actually come to know that I have done this on purpose.
Thanks for your blog Vicky. It’s wonderful to read about the changes in your life as a result of connecting to, and claiming, who you truly are.
Such a great sharing with us all Vicky. How beautiful that you have claimed yourself and ‘sorry’ is no longer a part of your life.
Thank you Vicky for reminding me how I used to live with the word “sorry” waiting to be said at any moment. “Sorry was a word that would automatically jump out of my mouth if I wasn’t sure about anything” and for me would be used to apologise for something I thought I had done even before I even felt into whether it was necessary. The turnaround in your life is amazing and very inspirational, and as a youth worker I am sure the youth that you are working with are being inspired by you; someone who knows that they have a place in this world and there is no need to apologise for that, or anything else.
Vicky I can relate to what you are sharing, I wasn’t so much using the words to apologise but my whole behaviour used to be very apologetic, always shrinking a little or more when approaching someone, asking a question or simply talking. So thank you for showing how much there is to appreciate of the changes that have occurred through the willingness to truly make different choices.
Esther, I can relate to what you have written, ‘my whole behaviour used to be very apologetic, always shrinking a little or more when approaching someone, asking a question or simply talking’, I used to not want to get in the way of people and I felt that I did not deserve to take up space, I remember this years ago at work, that i would quickly move ‘out of the way’ if someone came near, it was a feeling that they were more important and I would not want to hold them up, be a nuisance etc.. I am much more confident now and feel that I am worthy of space in this world.
Thank you for this really brilliant, genuine and very honest blog Vicky. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have supported so many people to change their lives and you are certainly one of them.
The more we feel what is truly us we can have a marker of who we are and the behaviours that form who we are not becomes clearer. Thank you for this reminder Vicky.
Why is it we say sorry for the most ridiculous of things? That we actually don’t need to apologies for in the first place. Like someone being in the toilet cubicle and another having to wait.
The question I have to ask is why do we apologise for being ourselves in the first place? Is it a lack of self worth, not feeling good enough or giving our power away? Or is it a lack of responsibility – not wanting to take responsibility for our power and the fact that deep down we all know who we are.
That’s a great question gyllianrae, Yes, do we create and indulge in issues to avoid the deeper truth that we all know within and the responsibility that brings? Judging by my desire to avoid dealing with this question I’d say you are right on the money here.
I agree gyllianrae- “why do we apologise for being ourselves in the first place?”-
I do feel it is lack of self worth, not feeling good enough and giving our power away. Also not appreciating and claiming who we are deep down.
I feel a lot of it comes from the group consciousness of the Catholic Church – the evil that was and is fed to people about being sinners, and having to ask for forgiveness – which it total nonsense as God is love. But these ideals and beliefs can be passed down through generations, and stay with people for lifetimes.
For me this is the key – gaining a greater understanding of myself- it’s only through knowing our truth and listening to our bodies, will we ever know how all knowing, wise and glorious we truly are.
Thank you for this beautiful blog Vicky. It so explicitly shows that the basis for our relationship with the world is our relationship with ourselves.
We should never apologize for being amazing, gorgeous and wonderful. We should never apologize for being love.
Says it all Mariette and well worth a repeat: We should never apologize for being amazing, gorgeous and wonderful. We should never apologize for being love.
How wonderful that you can appreciate the great changes you have made. It’s something to celebrate. You have inspired me to appreciate how far I have come on my journey to claiming myself too. Thank you Vicky.
Yes Debra Douglas, all to often we skip over the appreciation and jump straight to the next stone, I admire that Vicky has taken the time to write a conformation of the changes she has observed in herself over the years.
Vicky I love what you have shared, in particular about how your body posture reflected how you felt about yourself and how it has changed now that your confidence has grown. It is amazing how our body communicates so much to us and others.
That’s a great revelation, Vicky, and such a beautiful change. I notice, that saying “Sorry” unconsciously is a reflection of moving the body unconsciously. As we move we speak.
Great observation Felixschumacher8, it shows how easily we can go into playing less when we are not with ourselves. A great confirmation of living with presence and therefore moving with our body and expressing from the confidence that naturally lays within when we see that who we are is enough and equal to all.
Even if I didn’t verbally use the word sorry I definitely carried an energy of apologising for what ever it was that I was going to do. This has also changed a great deal for me, based on the healing and group work I have done with Universal Medicine.
Oh yes I can relate to that nicolesjardin and feel the energy of apologising was reflected in my posture and my attempts to make myself physically small. It feels great to stand tall and claim my rightful place in the world thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon.
Even in how I would use words in an email, and how I would dress and been seen – it can be everywhere.
How great to stop and appreciate the changes over the last 9 years as a student of Universal Medicine. What really struck me was that the way you feel is reflected in your body posture and vise versa – your body posture supporting you to go deeper: “my body posture has changed a lot. My shoulders are not up by my ears anymore, they have dropped, feel more relaxed and are not hunched forward, my chest feels more open instead of feeling hollow and my spine feels stronger and my back straighter….I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.”
Yes Rosanna, it is our body posture (which is made up by choices to love yourself & people) that makes us openhearted to listen and see people for who they are. This is what I have learned through Universal Medicine and it has been and is very beautiful to learn more about myself and my responsibility so I can finaly be me and be all that I am with everybody else. This has been a huge shift since 5 years , as I always was used to a body posture and being that was hard and protected. So Universal Medicines courses, presentations have offered me a way of living that allowed me to be more connected to myself and claim all of my glory.
I truly appreciate your sharing Vicky and yes to the enormous blessing the Universal Medicine teachings are bringing to all of us, but your commitment to make other choices in your life is truly amazing and reflect the power you have and we all have once we claim that we are all equal and start to live a loving life.
It is true Vicky’s sharing is amazing, and her steadiness in her changes is very much felt.
It is amazing firstly to be able to talk about these types of learnt behaviours and then to have the support of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon in truly healing them is a miracle and a life vocation.
Beautiful said Annelies, I appreciate your comment equally, the depth of stillness(calmness) and love of appreciation to Vicky is palpable from many angles!
Thank You Vicky this is truly inspiring.
I worked in a cafe in the country and it used to stand out for me just how many women apologise for just being in the space they are. It concerned me a lot at the time and I used to make a point of saying they had every right to be there. I can understand when people lose their confidence that they feel this way. How lovely that you now feel so different Vicky and know that we are all equal and so worth the space you are in.
Your comment stands out to me Amanda: pondering on it I feel as if I have apologised for my very existence most of my life. It wasn’t until I discovered Universal Medicine and the presentations of Serge Benhayon I learnt what true self-love feels like and I have claimed myself as the equal Son of God that I am.
Vicky, to be able to claim the following line – ‘I now know and feel I am equal to everyone’ is a miracle and one that deserves to be celebrated every day. Imagine if everyone on the planet felt this?
Yes Sally, that would get rid of any comparison or jealousy because we would not be trying to outdo each other to prove we are better.
Just imagine Sally, it would be amazing would it not and for all to know that we have an equal part to play in this world.
It’s true. Our equalness comes not from a measurement or calibration, but from living the greatness within us, and therefore knowing that greatness is equal in all.
Vicky, what an inspiring turn-around – thank you for sharing this. I can relate so much to this demeanour of being apologetic for myself. It’s something that I have felt, more so in the past, but like you with the support of Universal Medicine workshops, courses and sessions I am seeing that behaviour for what it is. To let go of the old beliefs that keep me small and feeling inferior is like being released from a prison cell – one of my own making to boot! Now I’m feeling much more claimed in myself, and I can feel how this is so much more empowering for others too.
Vicky, I love what you say about ‘the way we move’ doing the simple things at home like making a cup of tea, and how holding our confidence during these movement is a great base to work from. I too make a conscious effort to hold my body in a truer way when pottering about the house. I pay attention to my posture, especially my shoulders and am constantly reminding myself to surrender to my body and let that guide me in how I move. This has been great to help me build up a consistency with that confidence out of the home as I start to carry it with me in all areas of my life.
I used to be quite jealous of people who were more confident than me and saw them as almost being a bit rude for not trying to tone themselves down for the comfort of others. Wow, now I can see how revealing that is of where I was at back then and where I am now. Through Universal Medicine I have met many amazing confident women who I now see as an inspiration to me. I too have also gained much more confidence in myself since connecting back to my essence, and as I deepen that connection the more I hold myself in a strong, steady, non-apologetic way.
It makes sense what you have presented here Vicky, if we are not “…purposeful and present (body and mind together) with each move we make, to the best of our ability” we are guaranteed to not feel confident as we go about our day because we are missing that connection to ourselves.
Thank you Vicky and Hannah, I agree, so simple but true, how could we ever consider to leave our mind out of what the body s doing!
Yes Greg, the simple truth is always the best!
Posture was taught in English Finishings Schools but it came from a moulding and controlling position (pun intended) haha, with books on your head pacing the room.
Although the application of this methodology is questionable, the importance of bringing awareness, living examples and discussions on posture back (pun intended) haha, into our schools is super important.
The whole saying ‘sorry’ thing is really ingrained into society in the UK. I teach English to foreign students and they often ask me why the people here are always saying sorry for everything because a lot of them find it very strange. And its so true, even when a person bumps into me, I could be the one saying sorry. Silly really, but very telling. Its as if, as a nation, we have become apologetic for who we are and what we do, especially when what we are doing causes some disruption to the norm or makes us stand out.
It’s true Eleanor that as a nation we are very apologetic. It seems to be mixed in to our culture. What is it we are apologising for?
Thats so true Eleanor, I realized this too. In the UK people say sorry all the time and also they are very “loving” in their expression, they call you “sweetheart” or “darling” at the post office, but it is more a surface politeness not a true feeling. This shows how we manipulate language to build a façade of being “good” and behind this façade we can be whoever we want without any integrity as we keep a public face.
I can relate to what you say about apologising for being you Vicky. I used to apologise for existing! My feet would hardly touch the floor and my walk was so funny because I was trying to walk in a way that wouldn’t offend anyone. It’s wonderful to read of the changes in your body as you have become more confident. It just shows us that the way we feel about ourselves and the way we approach life is reflected in our bodies. And we can use our awareness of our bodies to help the changes come about so that we are more embodied in our choices and movements. It is wonderful to read your blog.
Absolutely Rebecca, Vicky has told us how ‘horrible’ these apologies felt in her body before she came to the work of Universal medicine, this confirms the remarkably intelligence within our bodies and its constant dialogue (indeed everything that Uni Med presents) – for if we continue to override these messages our posture, our walks begin to alter, the what is not us begins to take over.
I love the focus here Rebecca on the body. Yes we all have one and live in it everyday, BUT how well connected to our bodies are we? It’s taken me a long time, even with the wonderful support from Universal Medicine to accept my body – how it looks, feels and mostly how I feel in it. My path has been to dwell in the mind in thoughts, but this is a dis-connect from the body and a cause of illness and disease. Being consciously present – mind with body, builds an internal strength that just grows and grows and grows.
“…to dwell in the mind in thoughts, but this is a dis-connect from the body and a cause of illness and disease.” What a strong statement this is Shevon, but one that is very true. We can live in our heads, but this does not connect us to the reality of what is going on in the body. We often avoid truly feeling what is going on in the body because we don’t want to face this reality. Yet if we do face it we have an opportunity to feel what is needed – something we cannot do if we are choosing to escape into our minds.
I love this Vicky and what a celebration for you to have shed the self doubt and claimed who you truly are. To apologise for who we are all the time is a great way to confirm we are less, but like you, I have been supported by Universal Medicine to see that I was the one responsible for doubting myself, and to release myself of this is to take responsibility in life and claim who I am in full. No holding back. And wow what a difference. I loved reading about how your posture changed too- when we create something in our minds our whole body can suffer, but when we release this our whole body releases too.
Truly beautiful to read how much you have changed Vicky and to feel and meet the real gorgeous, bubbly person that you are.
I’ve realised that in apologising for myself it’s sending a message to others not to expect too much of me – a great way to stay small and stay in hiding. I also realise the irresponsibility in this and understand now that we need to claim ourselves in full to provide a reflection for others that it’s okay for them to do the same. Thank you for sharing Vicky.
So true Deborah…it is a game of irresponsibility, and leaves everyone playing the same game. Whatever behaviour we choose, we are showing others it is ok to be this too. When we take responsibility we show others they can also choose to be responsible.
Vicky I can relate to what you share I also recall saying sorry a lot when I was younger, I still now and again catch my self, but not as much, still work in progress. I used to feel the same not equal and my confidence used to be low too. I have changed so much over the last few years, my confidence has improved and I see myself as equal to others, thanks to Universal medicine and the Esoteric modalities.
This is beautiful Vicky, your openness and honesty shines out as does your growing confidence and knowing of your self. It is inspiring to read and very relatable to and opening to others sharing who we truly are is a great gift to be living with for everyone. Saying sorry for just being is something that really does take moving on from in our lives and you have done this gracefully.
Vicky I had completely forgotten just how apologetic I used to be, and not in a good way. I would almost put down what I was going to say before I said it – having no claiming of what I knew or felt and instead apologising for not fitting into the accepted way things were in society – even though they often did not feel true. What a great reminder of another aspect of myself and life that has been enriched through my choices inspired by Universal Medicine. I love your line about the absolute equalness you feel with others.
Yes David, I know exactly what you mean when you say that you would almost put down what you were about to say before you got it out! I too had a strong apologetic energy when expressing – it wasn’t that i said ‘sorry’ before I started but the mode and energy in which I expressed what I was saying was apologetic – there being huge protection in this! But of course the protection doesn’t work as I have found out. I am going to say agin what a practitioner said to me because it changed my life: ‘Back yourself to the hilt Lyndy, even if you are wrong!’ This completely burst the right/wrong paradigm for me. No more apology!
Confidence comes from every present step we take. A simple example could be your at work you are ask to read over a new policy. In example A we skim over it not really paying attention and think about the weekend coming up. Example B we are completely present and dedicate our mind and body to reading the policy.
When the boss comes around to ask whether you read and could give feedback on the new policy, in example A of course you could say yes to reading it but how confident would you be giving feedback?
Great example Luke Yokota, ironically we do the skimming over the policy because we are nervous or unconfident and then the lack of presence actually perpetuates more of the same, I agree completely when you say presence equals confidence.
Great and very practical example of how being present with what we do leads to true confidence, a confidence that doesn’t have to wing it or apologise for its existence.
Lovely practical example Luke.
Luke My feeling on what you have shared is that everything contains energy, “the policy” that you speak of is also emanating energy because of the person who wrote it and what it is intended to do. In life we have a phenomenon of not wanting to be aware of energy, or what we feel because life has taught us that “we have to follow the policy”, but we never give enough credit to the fact that we feel energy all of the time. Perhaps why someone has ignored or skipped reading the policy is because of what they feel as soon as they read it, and cant bear to be aware of these feelings as its too exposing of how we live our lives.
Great point Harry, there is more then meets the eye, agree. However even if we don’t want to feel it (the policy or the energy) it will always have the upper hand because in essence we gave our presence to it/ and away.
Also love you example, a great simple lesson in how conscious presence helps us to deliver what we know.
This is a great example: I used to check out and fall asleep having to read documents like policies as you mentioned, they just forced me to be mental and they were so boring. Today I read them, being aware of the mental energy and not getting caught up by it, but reading between the lines of how this can truly serve humanity. Presence has a lot to do with the purpose we walk here on earth and from this presence comes our confidence, our confidence as equal Sons of God.
Presence delivers awareness and this is the first step to making a difference. The question is what do we do with this awareness. What you have added captures it Rachel, working towards the purpose.
I didn’t even know the word sorry, would never apologize and always be right there straight forward in the middle of all attention. My self esteem was over the top and nothing could shake me up….. this all had to do with lack of confidence, lack of self worth and the lack of a deep connection with myself…. I did not apologize for being me, I had build a massive protection, called self esteem, to hide behind a tough facade so nobody would dare to not see me. It’s all the same just a different expression of the same lack of connection with ourselves. Universal Medicine is unique in its approach to offer everybody, no matter what they have created to not be themselves, a way to fully claim ourselves back. Which other therapy or modality does this? Support people to connect to themselves and with this offer them the space to heal whatever is dwelling underneath. So simple and so absolute!!!
Wow! Thank you Rachel for bringing to light this protection of ‘self-esteem’ in this context. I would have belonged to the ‘apologiser’ lot! So beautiful that you have shown the difference between false protective ‘self esteem’ and the true confidence that comes from the inner-heart.
Great point Rachel. We can be at the opposite ends of the spectrum of a type of behaviour, which can seem very different and in a sense they are, but it comes down to the fact that they are both the same in that they are a way in which we cope with our lack of confidence in ourselves and succeed in keeping us disconnected from who we truly are. Yours and Vickys experiences are a great example of this.
Rachel, you offer here the difference in how we play out lack of self worth, it can be obvious in saying sorry and being less or it can be hidden in that false confidence you speak of here – different expression by same underlying theme. It reminds me to feel what is underneath and not judge that initial presentation, no matter how forceful or brash it may seem! And Universal Medicine is unique, I’ve never come across anything like it which offers everyone the possibility to be themselves no matter how they’ve mastered and express not being them – it truly is unique and the world is blessed for having it, and it’s dedication to ever and always being the truth no matter what.
Great comment rachelandras, there are so many false bravados, even the ‘positive’ ones that we can use to cover the lack of true connection with ourselves.
What is absolutely supportive in Universal Medicines approach is we are presented with the Truth of who we are, and in the light of this love all our adopted protective behaviours are exposed. With this awareness the opportunity is then there to heal these if we choose.
Great comment rachelandras. I had a sense that the ‘never saying sorry’ behaviours were played out by the same energy as the apologising for existing behaviour set and your comment absolutely confirms this. I can see I played out the ‘always saying sorry’ behaviours partly because I was reacting to people who never said sorry in the mistaken belief that I was choosing something ‘better’ and different.
Thanks Rachel for sharing this – it can seem like polar opposites – one where we hold ourself small and lesser than everyone and the other where someone is seemingly super confident but I agree with you how they are in essence 2 sides of the same coin, both stemming from lack of true self-love. Serge Benhayon is the only person whom I have ever heard speak or present about this with true clarity and understanding.
This is really important what you have shared rachelandras, that we create different behaviours or patterns even though underlying it is the same issue. Who would think that overly confident people would actually have a lack of confidence! This turns it completely on its head. Also in showing that all of this is due to the lack of deep connection within that we have (or don’t have) with ourselves. I agree, how awesome is Universal Medicine and Sacred Esoteric Healing that, as you say, with it’s unique approach, no matter what we have created to not be ourselves (all the individual beliefs, patterns, behaviours and hurts), it show the way back to fully claim ourselves. It is indeed Universal.
Indeed rachelandras, what’s so awesome within this blog is that Universal Medicine have directed Vicky back to the great knowing within her that these apologies felt horrible in her body. For in returning to, and honouring the wisdom within her body there is no longer place for lack of self worth to dwell.
It is incredible all the different flavours and layers of protection we choose to go into to hide our lack of self worth, and lack of connection to who we truly are. They all create a false facade but what is interesting is how some behaviours, like the high self esteem you had Rachel, can appear to others to be confidence when in truth they are all there to hide the lack of connection to ourselves.
“Universal Medicine is unique in its approach to offer everybody, no matter what they have created to not be themselves, a way to fully claim ourselves back. Which other therapy or modality does this?” None other Rachel that I have ever found. Universal Medicine’s approach to life is unique and I count my blessings everyday that I found it.
Thank you Rachel this is so honest. The extreme opposite to being apologetic is exuding an over confident facade but both are a result of the same, a lack of connection with ourselves. There is no hiding the truth when we read the energy behind our persona.
Great point Rachel, I know I have played both cards the ‘false self-esteem’ tough one as well as the apologizing one and they both feel equally awful.
Thank you Vicky the changes you talk about here are huge! It is clear to see how much the way we think about ourself affects our posture and in turn the health and wellbeing of our physical body. And, as you say, it is not even just about that because having a true inner-confidence is a foundation from which we can connect with more people in a naturally deeper way. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have supported and inspired me too immensely in the way I am with myself and hence am with other people.
“…the way we think about ourself affects our posture” and our posture also affects the thoughts we have, for example changing from slouching to sitting upright brings more clarity and open you up to fresh insights.
I’d agree with that Fiona, taking the time to care for myself has I have found made it much easier to connect effortlessly with others. That true inner confidence just feels so powerful, moving out to the world from a steady knowing that we are amazing beings and not being thrown or so affected by events that attempt to dislodge this truth.
Beautifully said Stephen, “…moving out to the world from a steady knowing that we are amazing beings…”. This kind of confidence can only come from the body. No positive thinking, no self-talk, no affirmative stickers, etc. can sustain it unless you have a marker in your body that reminds you of it.
This is pure gold – “… if we are purposeful and present (body and mind together) with each move we make, to the best of our ability, be it filling up the kettle to make a cup of tea or walking to a door, this can bring about a true confidence and commitment that is felt deep within the body, giving us something tangible we can build from”. True confidence borne from the body and within each movement we know ourselves once again.
I have noticed the development of confidence within myself when I give myself space to go for a walk before I start my day at work. When I do this I feel much more solid throughout my day.
So simple Abby.
Beautiful , words and feeling with it says it all”..
Awesome Marcia, so agreed with what you say about – confidence coming from the body – it is indeed all about the body, and making the body honest, and in its movement and expression – towards a true being, and living.
Absolutely gold and spoken with such authority, the shift that Vicky has made is huge! I feel there is so much to be learnt from what she shares.
Yes, this gives us a tangible and real sense of how it is possible to build confidence. It is not just some illusive thing that is out of reach. If we stay with ourselves and our body without looking to the outside for confirmation we can build a solid sense of ourselves that we can then live with and relate to others from.
Thank you Vicky and Marcia, I agree, the platform that is provided by the presentations of Serge Benhayon definitely shares what it is like to live with a true commitment to life, and what live or a true Livingness is all about!
Yes Marcia, what a beautiful reminder this is. It’s amazing how much we can read or communicate with our body, therefore how and what we choose to express does matter.
I love this Chan as I can appreciate the level of depth and intimacy of communication that is always taking place between our bodies. Often what we say has already been communicated from our body.
Yes it is Marcia, simple and practical but pure gold – I find the more I live this purpose and presence the more I naturally feel me and it’s natural to present that to the world and it knocks out a whole lot of trying and brings it back in each and every moment to how I am and how I move with purpose and presence.
So true Marcia, when we understand and embody this wisdom it is absolute gold and as Vicky is sharing it will change everything, from our body posture and health to our jobs and career, to our relationships, it is a treasure beyond words – we just need to apply it.
Absolutely Marcia. Being present in all that we do, allows for true quality in all that we are. Our confidence exudes forth when we live connected to who we are within.
The world reacts when we stand up and say we are glorious. We prefer false humility to the natural confidence one exudes when they know they truly are.
LOVE what you’ve said here Adam …. the world does react when we stand up and say we are glorious …. so we make ourselves small to avoid making other people uncomfortable …. the world reacts because when hold ourselves in our divinity and exude the love that we are, it is felt by all and it challenges everyone to do the same, to look at how they are living, people don’t want to face the fact that they can also live in this way, many don’t want to have to make this choice.
And when we apologise for ourselves, we are also excusing all of the behaviours in the world that do not belong to the truth of who we are, and simply come for us being less than our innate beauty.
So, so true of the world Adam, time for a change me thinks!
So very true Adam, we’ve set up a world where to be less is lauded and so we are uncomfortable when we meet another who is truly themselves and actually we go into judgement and comparison as we can feel that we have not chosen to be this for ourselves. Instinctively we know this is our natural way, but we’ve conditioned ourselves to be the way of the world and not our true glorious self. There is a hug offering when we meet another walking in the true confidence of themselves as it offers us a reflection of who we are and can inspire us to begin to explore this for us – it takes time and we do need to unravel all those places where we’ve become what the world wants, and to understand that right now we live in a world which not not laud true confidence but each time that is presented it offers a chink, it shows another way and reminds everyone that how we are now in the world is not truly us.
Adam I was feeling your comment more and realised that I have a very strong ideal of how I think the world should be and do not always want to see the world as it is and of course my part in it. So my previous comment contained some of that reaction rather than being honest and accepting the understanding that the world demands of us that we not be who we really are, we are trained from young to fit it. And that I actively choose that, as I had nothing around me showing me otherwise and I did not fully trust and honour myself to just be myself anyway. Without the example of Universal Medicine this would not have changed, and I would not today be in a place where I am more me. Thank you, your comment is helping unpick judgements I have on the world and myself and brings a greater understanding for all in where they are at.
It sad but true Adam. What is crazy is it makes no sense because we are all in essence the same glorious beings. But it makes sense because we all know and can feel this so are reminded of our total lack of responsibility when we are faced with someone in their natural gloriousness.
This is true Adam, and so hence showing the world another way and that in this way we can be truly Joyful is vital.
This shows us the type of evil we have allowed in this world. As if something is full of glory it will be attacked by that evil that keeps the rest in line. To me this shows us that we have had no true freedom until such time that Universal Medicine and its beforers came along and showed us a way to become free of ideals, believes that keeps us so prisooned from our free inner-mind.
Well said Danna, we think we are free in this world of today, but this so called freedom is limited to a certain realm and the moment we step into our glory there is every attempt to make us believe that this is a freedom we do not have, but for Universal Medicine that has shown me what true freedom of choice is.
Beautiful put Judith, what is key here is that true inteligence comes not with knowledge but with space. I remember once sitting in a bus , trying to figure out what was actually going on within my life and beyond.. But somehow my thoughts could only go a certain limit and were not free at all – it made me feel that i jumped up against a great brick wall. Like you shared Judith, me too, since I have met Universal Medicine I know what true freedom is in my body and mind and this makes now all such sense that I found my way ( by connection and making choices from there) that I allow myself to be more free and free every time I choose love again to support me; body , mind, spirit and soul. It is through eliminating lies out of my system that makes me more free to think – even though we receive thoughts anyway.
And in Australia it is known as the Tall Poppy Syndrome and it simply means that if you are inspiring you will be resented or cut down. We are defiinately not encouraged to be our glorious selves.
So false humility is part of the shield we wear to deflect jealousy.
I had an experience this week Adam of seeing how much I have chosen to pretend to not be naturally confident. I was at a High School function with lots of teenagers and It got me thinking how I was at school, my mind remembered acting small but from my body I felt a real solidness and confidence. It showed me how we can choose to portray our selves in a certain light that is not our true magnificence… to keep others comfortable and not be on the receiving end of jealousy and comparison. We think this is the way to be but the irresponsibility is that we confirm to others more of the same.
Wow love what you share here Vicky as we are so easy to excuse ourselves with accepting to be less than we truly are and just say that this is our personality or thats our character instead of looking deeper and claiming our absolute equality. This is such a great testimony of how through Universal Medicine everybody is offered to step out of their self created reduced version and embrace the grandness we all are.
A joy to read Vicky – The equal-ness you have re-claimed in yourself and with others comes over strong and clear in your blog. Totally Awesome!
Like you Vicky I used to apologise a lot for being me but I have learnt that this is almost an excuse for not taking responsibility for my life and who I am, if I apologise I am saying to others (and to myself) I am not worth being here and what I bring is of no significance, but in doing this there is a given-upness, a cover up so that I don’t have to show the real me.
It feels to me Vicky that now we have felt this for ourselves we have the chance to offer it to others. I am so struck by the amount that service providers in shops and supermarkets apologise, sometimes it is as though the person is disappearing before me. I now tell them that I will accept the apology on behalf of the company, but if the goods aren’t sent to the store, then they can’t sell them, not their fault.
It is lovely to see and feel the difference in those who are prepared to take this on board.
Wow, even now I can relate to the saying sorry to everything, but especially as a child – sorry was a way to prepare for being wrong or making a mistake, or annoying someone, and a way of keeping myself small. I have worked on being more at ease and confident in myself, so that its not in the way I am to keep apologising for who I am, but rather a natural ease just being me – its a great work in process and this blog has been a great reminder.
I have noticed in the almost 30 years of living in the UK the persistence of the almost automatic response of the word ‘Sorry’. Being an American and having grown up is a society that pretty much has never apologized for anything… Sorry stands out. The majority of the time it is offered to me because of my mistake! I have always been playful with the word when it is offered to me by replying ‘never be sorry’, it makes a connection.
This is a great blog Vicky, thanks for sharing it with us. In particular I could not agree more about the importance that movement has… I’ve noticed it more and more, how the way I move is a reflection of what is going on inside. Picking up on how I am feeling when I bang and crash into things, or rush, or am careless. These feel completely different to when I’m deliberate, care-full, and have a spaciousness around the way I move. Chalk and cheese. The way I move amplifies the feelings going on inside me.
Serge Benhayon and everyone at Universal Medicine holds another in equalness. That is a reflection most people never had in their lives and it exposes and can heal all the pockets of self-critique, judgement, shame, excuse, lack of self-acceptance, unworthiness, self-loathing… we hold as a consequence of not being valued for just being who we are from a very young age onwards. And then on a deeper level, we can realize that holding on to such beliefs and emotions is simply a way to avoid taking responsibility to bring all the glory that we are to the world so that we can be as well a reflection of equalness, acceptance, love … to everyone in our lives.
If I had a pound for every time I said ‘sorry to bother you but’ I’d be rich, so I understand where you are coming from Vicky, and like you this is a thing of the past. Now if I feel an apology lurking I am quick to question what exactly am I apologising for.
It now seems to me that by making ourselves small and seeing ourselves as being a nuisance is just another way of avoiding taking responsibility, holding back how great we really are.
I have always felt less than others, it was just so ingrained, but this belief created so much struggle and complication in my life. Through attending the Sacred Esoteric Healing Courses for the past 4 years, I have let go of this old belief and many more, and have learned to self appreciate myself and trust myself again that all I have to do is just be myself.
Does over-apologetic-ness actually give the excuse to not be fully responsible for everything that we do and say? Because as we can see with Vicky, behind a meek outer appearance is a very strong and inspiring woman. So perhaps it is the fact that she has taken the decision to be more responsible in to her everyday life that has brought out the naturally confident person that she is and has always been, even when she was hiding behind the veil of irresponsible apologist.
Your blog reminded me how I used to say sorry a lot too – even when people bumped into me, as you mentioned too! Beautiful how you now stand tall and confident; no more being ‘less than’ others.
I can relate sueq2012 — it was a sorry, sorry, sorry for simply being me and taking up space. It’s very freeing and expansive not to say sorry like that anymore — because there’s nothing to be sorry about!
“Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.” I echo your words Vicky. Knowing who I truly am and my responsibility to be an equal part in the Universe is nothing to apologise for. I remember when I first met you at a Universal Medicine Sacred Esoteric Healing course and you – and I – were definitely playing small. It has been fun claiming who we are over the years with the inspiration and support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
That is awesome to read and hear Vicky. I can totally relate to what you are saying about constantly feeling the need to apologise. I used to do it all the time, why? Because I felt I was not enough, I was somehow not good enough. Now I see the complete illusion and fallacy in that. Now all I have to do is remember to not apologise for being amazing!
Our society is built on this illusion James – well said. The illusion that who we are is not enough, and so we apologise for being who we are as it is deemed not enough. When in truth we are more than enough and it is the more of the enough, the greatness we are that we simply need to connect to and live.
Well said Carola, we are more than enough. The more I have allowed myself to connect to and feel the love that I am, the more I am blown away by the depth of love that is on offer. And what is incredible is that I also see that everyone has access to the same depths of love, just are not all choosing to be love.
What a beautiful way to live James, thank you for sharing the Love you are.
Thank you Carola, it sure is a beautiful way to live and the more I commit to love and allow it to be my marker the more enjoyable life becomes.
Your comment made me smile James – it never fails to warm my heart when I read about a fellow brother who has discovered that not only are they ‘good enough’ but in actual fact they are totally amazing and are not afraid to live it.
Thank you Jo, once we realise that we are in fact amazing it is our responsibility to live this amazingness so we can inspire everyone else to return to being in their amazingness as well. Otherwise everyone just continues to live in the same repetitive miserable patterns and nothing changes.
I love how Universal Medicine brings it back down to the quality of our movements, in everything we do throughout the day, as we cannot but take responsibility for our bodies and feel the joy of being so connected to the deep well of love that lies within.
Beautifully expressed Janet, and in doing so we restore true confidence in the knowing of who we are from within.
I like that you emphasise the importance of movement Janet. It is very true the more we feel our bodies in the moves we make, the things we touch, and the more awareness we allow us to have within these movements the clearer we know where we are at and thus can move accordingly, building a confidence within and with ourselves that is a strong foundation to stand on.
I love this also Janet. It is through developing my connection to my body that I have been guided so Divinely to deepen the connection to my Love within and to understand that what I choose affects all that I am connected to. I have also discovered that the quality of my connection is what determines the quality of presence in which I live and move with throughout my day.
One major aspect of healing with Universal Medicine and the offered modalities is about ‘committing to life’. So many people don´t want to be really in life, be present with all that they are, take responsibility for every aspect in their lives due to the fact that they have given up on the possibility to be themselves and be accepted as such without getting hurt and crushed by life (other people). It is phenomenal that with the Universal Medicine Healing Therapies the underlying causes and the resulting behaviours can be understood and healed with grace, something the world urgently needs.
Very very true Alex, the teachings of Universal Medicine are very practical and real and there’s nothing in them that promotes an escape from life. Entirely the contrary, it’s not about meditating quietly in a circle up on a mountain-top, it’s about being steady and solid in our own bodies while we fully engage in the busy-ness of modern life. It is absolutely what the world needs today — to know that we can naturally remain still and with ourselves while the whirlwind of the outside world continues but does not affect us. The healing from the Universal Medicine Therapies is effectively brought to our workplaces, the boardrooms, the busy city centres and everywhere else as well. Absolutely amazing.
The healing is being shared by a way of being and living and as much as healing is a very personal thing its effects thereafter are for the benefit of all. Self-responsibility and responsibility towards everyone go hand in hand with Universal Medicine, that is actually one of the major characteristics of Universal Medicine and truly deserves the term ‘universal’.
Very true Alex, society is breeding lack of commitment to life and generations of irresponsibility is showing in every corner of the world. What Universal Medicine presents is commitment and responsibility in every aspect of life and how to heal from the inside out. Amazing transformations abound and people are now living truth in a world that as you said – so urgently needs this reflection.
It has occurred to me how much I used to apologise and how the confidence I showed was not true. I was outgoing and could easily connect with people but true confidence was lacking and like you Vicky I would apologise for asking questions or for just being me. Since coming across Universal Medicine I have started to change this and I can feel an inner confidence growing as I have begun to reconnect back to me.
Fiona this is a great point. I can relate to being very outgoing, overcompensating with an outward confidence that I often displayed, never shying away from meeting or connecting with people in one sense, but never truly letting them in to see all of me as I felt this was not enough or in some way lacking. I now have developed my inner confidence through knowing my connection to who I am is all that I am, all that we are and in fact all that is needed is to live our Divinity in full.
This is a great read, I so recognise that what you write about. I lived that way for a long time, not feeling like I was equal to others, while when I do feel it, it is only empowering each of us. As it is such a off-putting way of being with someone that it is totally not supportive for both in that relationship.
There must be many of us who have apologised for just breathing the air we share with all. I felt like this for many years, and catch myself still doing so at times. Who said I was not good enough or the in the wrong? No one except myself for some strange reason, I would say a lack of confidence and self worth issues!
It is so amazing how being present with ourselves is such an important way of being, as I used to live half my life in a kind of dreamy state probably heading in the slow lane to the ga ga land of Dementia. This blog was a good reminder to look at areas in my life where I still check out.
One thing I noticed at the start of your blog Vicky is I too apologise to people who bump into me, but resonantly I realised how much this bugged me when it was them who should be apologising and they don’t. I too, looking back on things have a history of apologising for being me and ceasing to do so has been a natural progression since attending Universal Medicine presentations.
Vicky reading your blog has triggered a memory in my body too, of how I used to be a prolific apologiser. It’s fascinating to reflect on that as a former part of myself. If the outside is a reflection of the inside (which it is) ,what was I setting up by constantly apologising for myself? Answer, an apology of a life.
Thank you for not apologising for who you are anymore Vicky, the confidence you have built within your self does not allow the apologist to exist anymore and that is clearly felt in your blog.
Aha yes, the game of less than or more than, one I know well from both angles. The reality is we can’t play one without playing the other..kind of a see saw really… the moment we put another up we put ourselves down and vice versa… The concept of equality is interesting to play with.. from the child slaver trader to God and all the people in between…when do I pull the pin on equality?
Good point Joel. When we do not live the All that we are, we succumb to living a life in perpetual oscillation between the poles of ‘less’ and ‘more’, that in-truth is one and the same energy designed to keep us in the struggle, and far from the glory, of who we truly are.
yup… different ends of the same see-saw…running up and back thinking we have nailed it when the get to the middle but in reality we have to step off the see-saw all together
So true Joel, that see-saw analogy really gave me a visual of how we are living, constantly either up or down, not level. I don’t always notice how often I do this. Definitely worth keeping an eye on.
Yes, I love your comment Joel, it is two sides of the one coin, the game of less than or better than, neither honouring the truth of our equal nature.
Yes the way we move is often taken for granted as to how important it actually is. If we are feeling down in ourselves then our movements confirm that, just like they can also confirm the love and joy we may feel inside us. If I am out of sorts and not feeling strong in myself, movement is now one of the first things I come back to to bring me back to my true essence once again
Good call Joshua, movement is everything. We can move our way out of the old paradigms of apologizing for our every movement by bringing a focus to the way we are moving.
Yes me too Joshua. Movements are really underestimated in their power over how we feel in ourselves. By changing my movements to being tender, delicate and full of joy my whole life and ability to be joyful and light in my days has increased. Our movements are really ‘powerful stuff’!
When I was having driving lessons some years ago, my tutor said to me a few times to stop apologising. I didn’t realise I was doing that, but sure, I was apologising each time when I thought I had made a mistake. I was already aware how much stress I was feeling being on the driving seat, and I could feel (or imagine) how the tutor was annoyed when I kept making the same mistakes – so I was saying sorry constantly. I know there was a big lack of confidence, but now I wonder whether I was just saying ‘sorry’ trying to get myself off the hook, just to cushion the oncoming pressure/attack I was feeling/imagining would come my way, more than simply meaning how sorry I was. By saying sorry, I was already in reaction to what I perceived was happening. Even though my tutor had been truly annoyed, it was their reaction, and not for me to hold.
Yes I see your point Fumiyo, we often use the ‘I am sorry card ‘ as a form of protection if we are prone to taking on other people’s reactions. It is a great reminder to step back a bit and observe rather than be so involved with what is going on for another if we find ourselves over apologising.
Gosh an impatient driving instructor! Not a good combination!!! This is really interesting what you are sharing Fumiyo as in this instance it feels like you were saying sorry because they were impatient and reacting to you. This is were I feel it is really important to stand strong and not apologise for who we are because someone else is reacting, it makes us feel less and let’s the other person off the hook so they don’t have to feel and take responsibility for what is going on for them and what they are not dealing with.
Funny thing is that even though I had been very apologetic for existing as myself, I had a huge block when it came to admitting that the choices I had been making weren’t really true. I so didn’t want to admit it and surrender to the healing that was being offered because I thought that would make me less. There was a rather staunch arrogance that went with being apologetic that didn’t want to be open to any other possibilities.
Its awesome how you have shared Vicky, about the knee jerk response of apologising, and then questioning to ourselves, Why did I just apologise?, and also the connection between body posture and movements. It is so interesting how body posture influences our behaviours and thoughts, as sometime just by the position of our body and how we hold or move it is expressing an apology!.. Apologising without even saying the words! The learning and understanding that Universal Medicine has delivered through its presentations about energetic awareness and self care are pivotal in deepening the relationship we have with ourselves, and this makes all the difference in accepting all that we are… With No Apology.
Johanne, I certainly can relate to the question: “Why did I just apologise”. I then used to dive deeper into self abuse by beating myself up for apologising when there was nothing to apologise for; and of course then how I was feeling would be reflected in my body, my posture and my next expression. How exhausting that feels and no wonder life was a continuous struggle.
Well said johannebrown17. It really is all in how we hold our body. If we are not onto it 24/7 we are apologising and the words spring forth effortlessly but if we are holding our self well, standing tall, facing the world as a full unit, this changes everything. It is through the body that we come to our own natural authority; as we are after all the authority of our own body.
I love how you have claimed yourself, Vicky. I feel this is the most important thing we can do for ourselves because otherwise we are trying or endeavouring to become something but the truth is we are already it. We are the sons of God and when we claim it then we can live it.
Yes Susan gloriously said. In trying to become something we are not we have already left being All that we are. ‘We are the sons of God and when we claim it then we can live it.’ – Amen to that Sister.
Having lived apologetic lives not respecting our own value and worth in the past to coming so far from where we were, and because we know how horrible it is to be perpetually apologetic for being ourselves, it is even more a felt responsibility to keep building a deeper connection with ourselves, to say no to all the ills and harms that a collective apologetic world reflects. We may be attacked for this, which is absolutely ridiculous, because we are being who we are which is natural, but with the solidity built in the body, we can always come back to truth, thank God for the support of our bodies!
“I knew this felt horrible in my body and my posture would also reflect this: my shoulders would be tense and curled inwards, my chest would feel caved in and a bit hollow and my back would be a bit slouched.” I can relate to being just like that for a good deal of my life, always apologising for just being me. It feels so awful now to be looking back at how I used to be. I had so little self-confidence, was always fearful of not being able to do what was needed, needing to please others all the time, just constantly apologising. That all seems so long ago now, and I have so much to thank Serge Benhayon and his family, and Universal Medicine for, in how I have been helped to find the true ME under all this mess that I had buried myself under. It has been an amazing journey, finding my true self, and what an amazing self it is! Steadily growing in confidence, building a body full of true love, and an amazing number of true friends now, where I was practically friendless before. It is open to all of us to make this journey, boy it is really worth while. And there are some amazing practitioners available who also will help along the way. Thank you Vicky, for sharing all you have learned and how you have changed through making this great journey.
The change in the hollowness and caved in feeling and posture of our bodies into a feeling of solidity with more confidence and connection naturally allows our bodily movemetns to reflect an openness, with ourselves and with others. This openness is present without attachment or expectation, it doesn’t go out to get recognition or prove anything, it is simply there and emanating.
There is a huge difference in how we feel when we start every sentence with ‘sorry’ and when we simply start. There is also the way we may say something positive and then immediately qualify it with a negative, as in, ‘I can do this, but I can’t do that’. Our language betrays our level of confidence, as does our body language, for example, how I walk down the street depends entirely on how I feel about myself, when I’m feeling great, I am upright, my step is steady.
If we are always apologising for who we are, for feeling less, for not wanting to be seen, this is felt by everyone and we will be dismissed, we won’t be seen for the glorious, divine being that we are …. everyone is missing out.
Apologizing for being me and for being here and taking up space has been one of my patterns as well Vicky. I also see this pattern to be very ingrained in my culture, equally in both genders. This started to change for me too when I felt stronger in my body, this strength is not a weight or force, but it feels much deeper—a connection to myself. With this connection, my voice became different, the way I move and expressed changed, it was like going through a transformation, an on-going transformation of being more steady and less swayed by everything around. When this feeling is solidly irrefutable in the body, our entire physicality and the way we present ourselves reflect it. Universal Medicine has opened this door of rebuilding a connection with myself that I did not know the tools to in the past, and the most awesome thing is we can then deepen this connection wherever we are and in whatever we do.
It is such a game we play with ourselves to self loathe, and I can relate to the apologising, I was and still am sometimes one who apologises for things that need no apology. It is a very draining way to live, far better to just claim that what we have is rock solid and stop with the saying sorry. It is great to read Vicky that you don’t feel the need to do this anymore.
I agree Stephen, it is draining to be constantly apologising. For me it is a constant checking in with myself. Am I fully in my body, standing tall, claiming my space or am I a little unsure of myself? It is as simple as that as when I am unsure of myself I am already apologising for myself with my body language even before I open my mouth.
I know this one so well, Vicky. Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s so true our posture and movement reflect back out what we hold within our body, and I have tried quite a few modalities and therapies that address this point and say they are also dealing with more than the physical, and yes it did give me a sense that I was changing, but only momentarily – I ended up knowing how to adopt the posture and movement that would appear OK but without changing the way I lived and how I had that posture and the way I moved in the first place.
Thankyou Vicky. It is wonderful to hear how much you and your whole body has changed as a result of realising you do not have to apologise for yourself anymore. It is quite amazing what can change when we really start to focus on how we move, and the purpose with which we are moving. This has obviously been life changing for you – thankyou for sharing your experience.
Vicky I too was always saying sorry for asking questions and apologising really for just being me. But this is long gone and I feel confident with who I am and I love asking questions, learning and answering questions too. Sharing who we are is a joy and there is no way an apology can overcome that.
I agree Kelly, sharing who we are is amazing, with no holding back or changing to try to fit in with others. What we each bring deserves to be appreciated and celebrated, for together we make up the whole, We cannot afford to have any pieces of the jigsaw puzzle missing.
Yes James I wholeheartedly agree. Sharing and appreciating each individual puzzle piece for its unique beauty allows for much admiration and love for the full picture.
It sure does Kelly, plus it takes away the individual focus and notions that we are alone and have to fight to get to the top rather than seeing we are here to work together. It helps restore equality when we can see and appreciate what we each bring.
From reading all your comments it just struck me, that in fact we are/were apologizing for being amazing.
And that now everyone is being more honouring and loving towards themselves they no longer feel the need to apologise for being amazing and instead happy to stand out and been seen, no more shrinking and believing we don’t matter. Very clever game we play.
The claimed-ness of your writing is palpable – there is no hint of the apologist within you.
This is truly awesome Vicky and yes I agree Lucy, it is amazing to feel and see another expressing in their claimed-ness, what a celebration!
Lucy I agree, Vicky feels so absolute.
Agree Lucy the authority in which Vicky lives today is absolute felt. Very inspiring.
Yes I agree with Lucy and your sharing is very inspirational Vicky.
Yes I enjoyed and felt that too. No apologies there. At all. And no shame for how Vicky was living here life. That was then – knowing what I knew then. And this is now – knowing what I know now.
I agree Lucy – it’s gorgeous to feel the growth from Vicky and commitment to life, inspiration for all.
You’re a true inspiration Vicky.
Vicky this is really beautiful to read. I can really relate to being apologetic even for taking up physical space and wanting to be invisible which manifested with me wanting to be really skinny.
I’m deeply inspired by your unapologetic, claimed acceptance of yourself especially your vulnerability. In this I can also feel your acceptance and love for others too, and how this solid truth emanates from your body, ‘be it filling up the kettle to make a cup of tea or walking to a door, this can bring about a true confidence and commitment that is felt deep within the body, giving us something tangible we can build from.’ From experiencing how you are with this I get to feel what solid true commitment feels like and now can choose this for myself. What a wonderful gift you bring for everyone you meet. Thank you Vicky.
I can relate in a big way Vicky. When I attended my first Universal Medicine events I became aware of just how much I said sorry. My immediate response was to try to stop saying the word. But as your sharing shows, that didn’t go to the underlying truth – that on a deep level I was apologising for just being me. It’s brilliant today to be able to see how awesome I am and understand that apologising was just part of a game stopping me taking true responsibility.
Spot on Joseph, being ourselves in our fullness is a responsibility. A responsibility to not reflect any less the light that we are, the connection we have with the divine, to express in all ways possible the clear reflection that we are all from this one light.
‘being ourselves in our fullness is a responsibility. A responsibility to not reflect any less the light that we are, the connection we have with the divine, to express in all ways possible the clear reflection that we are all from this one light.’ …. this is gorgeous, thank you, Adele …. so true, to be any less is a dis-service to our selves and to humanity.
Indeed Joseph, apologising ourself is a trick for not having to take the full responsibility for life ourselves.
Yeah, absolutely…washing our hands of ourselves essentially.
Love the honesty Joseph; ‘that apologising was just part of a game stopping me taking true responsibility’. With honesty I have found it is so much easier to let go of our old ways…and choose new ones.
‘that apologising was just part of a game stopping me taking true responsibility’ …YES – I’ve noticed this with teenagers particularly when boundaries have been well and truly broken. There can be a perception that saying sorry relinquishes them from all responsibility for their actions …. a ‘heartfelt’ apology is always very welcome, but actions speak louder than words and if actions show that no responsibility is being taken then words are completely meaningless, worse in fact, as to say sorry for something which you choose to continue to do is like saying ‘I’m going to do what I want’.
The other thing I’ve noticed about saying sorry is that it does not get to the heart of the matter. While it may be an admission that things are not right, it does not take responsibility for what has happened. And when it is used in the knee jerk reaction that I too have been guilty of, it actually stops us from reflecting on what we need to change in order to not be sorry next time.
‘when it is used in the knee jerk reaction that I too have been guilty of, it actually stops us from reflecting on what we need to change in order to not be sorry next time.’ …. I agree, simonwilliams8, saying ‘sorry’ is like putting up the white flag, it stops whatever is going on, but it also has the tendency to shut down the other person. It’s not an invitation for the other person to share how the consequences of what has been done has affected them, others. It’s like saying, yes, I know I shouldn’t have done that, now lets move on. Unless we choose to feel all the consequences of our actions and take responsibility for them, nothing will change.
This is very true Simon, then “sorry” becomes a convenient decoy, and something even used to abuse, or to divert attention from dealing with what’s hurting us deep down: living reduced and so less or far from who we truly are, and deserve.
This is a really valid point Simon, how the word sorry can be used as a get out clause of feeling, taking responsibility and changing our actions. It is very insidious when used in this way and instead ingrains ill behaviours instead of healing them.
So well said Joseph -“apologising was just part of a game stopping me taking true responsibility”. I know the truth of what you are saying here because I used to do the same thing. It is quite incredible what we do to avoid taking responsibility for ourselves and what we feel and know.
When you share here Joseph as Vicky has also done it seems crazy that we get ourselves to a point where we are apologising for ourselves, for being who we are.
Love it Joseph, “understand that apologising was just part of a game stopping me taking true responsibility”.
Yes, it is just a game to play lesser than who we are, everyone looses out and we are simply delaying a life of joy and celebration of our true nature.
Apologising to others for being who we are is constantly putting ourselves as less than other people, this is also an insult to them because at this time you are saying “please don’t hurt me”, where as If we were equal then it wouldn’t matter if someone was wrong or right the truth would be felt.
I agree Harry… It’s an insult because by putting ourselves as less, we are also encouraging others to mistrust themselves and feel less… This made me consider that this is largely how I was when raising my children, always apologising for not being enough which was sending them the message that they must not be enough either… Developing an inner confidence that comes from knowing who I truly am continues to be evolutionary not only for myself but all my relationships.
That’s beautifull in exposing how if we don’t heal our hurts, ideals or beliefs they affect our children by not allowing them to be all the amazingness they are. Instead it is saying I am small so you are too …yuck.
Is it possible we are willingly play the small game so that we don’t stand out and slip under the radar – and if we play it long enough we forgot we started it in the first place and before we know it we are apologizing for our very existence.
If we were equal the whole game of wrong or right would have no foundations anymore and we could meet each other just as we are, expressing our truths.
Very true Harry, with apologising we spent a lot of time reducing that what we actually know and can bring.
Great point harryjwhite. When we say “please don’t hurt me” we are not taking responsibility for ourselves and wanting to blame the other for the harm they may cause us. When we take responsibility for looking after ourselves – being confident, present and knowing that another can never take away the love we are – we really do meet another as an equal. It also shows that when we value ourselves by taking this level of care that we equally value another in the same way.
Speaking the truth, brother. And seeing it from all angles is enlightening. 👌🏼
Thanks Vicky, you have shared such a common issue and one I know I made a part of me as well. I have also learned how yucky it feels to be ‘apologetic” for being me, it’s like a constant tension, or forcing in my body, and it is called upon every time I seek safety or to not stand out. Also thanks to Universal Medicine I have come to know the true me, not an OUNCE of apology in that. The true me is naturally confident, knowing and wise as well as very funny!
There is nothing more beautiful than a person expressing their natural confidence. That we learn to deny our confidence is worthy of an entire dedicated discussion of its own.
As an apologiser who is letting it go, my experience has been that each time a “sorry passes my lips or the tips of my fingers, it is subtle assault on self.
What I now understand is that if i make a mistake, if I hurt someone an apology is absolutely appropriate.
If however my sorry is offered as an for my presence, my understanding or for the fact that I exist – well that is a knife I am taking to myself with. It brings the world naught of me and is in fact a denial of the light of God that is in us all.
Am I here to deny God? Or live his light in full?
Hi Vicky – what a great and huge change to clock – and share. I recently met someone who apologised even for apologising – and almost shrunk before my eyes each time – trying to take up as little space as possible – and it reminded me of how I once was – what a stock take moment – how far I too have come – and am so so grateful I have (and how very much more lovely for everyone I meet, times a million!).
Being sorry for our existence, I am sure many can relate to this. Have to ask what sort of world are we living in that makes this possible? Are we being raised as the mighty beings we are or are we made to play small and fit into certain shapes to make sure we don’t stand out and stir things up. It is no wonder illness and disease is through the roof, walk around squeezed long enough and something is bound to go wrong.
Wow Kate, what an interesting reflection that person has offered. It is lovely to feel that the person in this story is equal to all, even if they may not feel that at present. The challenge for me at times is to feel that I am equal to those who may hold a position of power or authority in a particular situation (work, organization etc.) and not see myself as less.
Very true Lee – it was an interesting moment to take stock. And yes – given our innate true equality – how incredible and how far from that we can sometimes go into, based on outer stuff and comparing. It takes a fair bit of readiness for responsibility perhaps for us to just feel our equalness with all – as it takes away all the victim and lesser stuff I for one have dabbled and played and hidden in…. great way not to have a voice or bring the natural authority of experience.
Thank you for sharing Vicky, it’s really beautiful to read how you’ve chosen to claim who you are and discard all the things you are not. I remember when I started observing all the ideals and beliefs that I’d grown up with and was very shocked when being honest about some of my behaviour that was fed by these false beliefs. It’s incredibly empowering and also very humbling to strip back to the essence of our selves and learn to appreciate and treasure all our amazing innate qualities.
“It’s incredibly empowering and also very humbling to strip back to the essence of our selves and learn to appreciate and treasure all our amazing innate qualities.” So true Alison. It is also beautiful to feel these qualities in another and the shared equality between us all.
What you’re sharing is profound Vicky. From what you’re sharing I got that your confidence has grown from being more with your body. Wow, this is really amazing. Confidence or a lack of confidence depends on the relationship we have with our bodies. Where we are so much focussed on ‘doing things right’ and / or improving ourselves without giving any attention and focus on the body. Beautiful and to me, very wise, that this may inspire many people!
True Floris. Confidence feels like it is related to our relationship with our body. When I feel people who are confident they feel settled and at ease with their body, what I would describe as in their body. When I feel people who don’t feel confident they feel separate and detached from their body like they are living from a place outside of their body. I have found that when I am with me, in my body and really connected there is no issues around confidence or feeling like I have to apologise for being me, however, when I don’t feel connected with my body I feel like I have to prove my worth.
I can fully relate to what you’re sharing here Lee. For a long time I’ve been very afraid that people wouldn’t hear me. As a counter effect I’ve worked very hard trying people to understand me by using a lot of words. Where now I’m actually noticing that people do connect to Truth, even if I use (too) many words. This are beautiful experiences, confirming that there are a lot of people, that I didn’t know before that do want to listen to ‘love’. And I also love talking to people who have confidence in their bodies. It’s like music and full of (self) respect sharing with them.
Confidence or a lack of confidence depends on the relationship we have with our bodies…
Well said Floris, as I have discovered the more aware of my body I am ( as opposed to ignoring it) the more confident I feel and I have observed how much more I listen to the guidance/intelligence my body communicates with me.
I read your comment twice Jacqueline. What comes to me is how this connection with our body or not is a choice we make in every moment of the day. One moment I might experience the loveliness of me and then 2 seconds later I allready might have lost the connection with my body. I’m in the process of learning that it requires a constant choice to connect. When I’m honest I can share (now) that I’ve lived disconnected from heart and body for a long long time. Even a few months ago, I think that I had the belief that I was doing well and connecting, where in truth I wasn’t connected. I wasn’t honest what True connection was / is. Thank you Jacqueline, writing this comment has been lovely and confirming.