From Apologist to Confident

When I was younger I used to apologise for everything. I used to say sorry to people at work before I asked them a question – like my manager, even if it was to do with my job! I used to say sorry to people if we bumped into each other on the street, even if they bumped into me. Sorry was a word that would automatically jump out of my mouth if I wasn’t sure about anything.

I had totally forgotten about this until I remembered the other day how much I used to apologise for just being me.

I knew this felt horrible in my body and my posture would also reflect this: my shoulders would be tense and curled inwards, my chest would feel caved in and a bit hollow and my back would be a bit slouched.

At the time, I would think to myself, “but why am I apologising for asking a question?” or “why do I see myself less than others so much?” In truth it would make me feel a bit pathetic, but I felt I just had to accept it as I thought that was the way I was and I didn’t know how to change.

Looking at this now, I can also see that it had to do with confidence as well, or lack of confidence in myself.

However, the other day something happened that made me remember this – how I used to apologise for everything – and I could appreciate how much I have changed since this time.

I now know and feel I am equal to everyone, which is massive in itself as a lot of the time I felt less than others. I no longer say sorry before asking a question and I feel a lot more claimed within me. When I say claimed it is a strength from within, a part of me I have re-connected to that I had forgotten about or didn’t feel I could connect to.

I feel stronger within my body, more confident, more present and am not afraid to ask questions or answer them. Also my body posture has changed a lot. My shoulders are not up by my ears anymore, they have dropped, feel more relaxed and are not hunched forward, my chest feels more open instead of feeling hollow and my spine feels stronger and my back straighter.

I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.

So what has changed in between forever apologising, with little confidence, to now?

The biggest and main support in my life, when I reflect on each moment and change, is the Sacred Esoteric Healing Courses presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I have been attending over the last 9 years.

Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.

With the healing modalities I have been able to feel and see what I have been holding onto within my body that was not truly me, or did not serve me in how I was living and expressing with others – from ill ideals and beliefs to patterns and behaviours I was living every day, like seeing myself less than others, or apologising for being me.

Through this, as well as making other choices in my life such as committing to life and what I am doing / job I am in (I used to continually want to run away from everything I was doing and not fully commit), these changes have come about.

Another really important subject that has been presented by Universal Medicine is movement and the way we move; if we are purposeful and present (body and mind together) with each move we make, to the best of our ability, be it filling up the kettle to make a cup of tea or walking to a door, this can bring about a true confidence and commitment that is felt deep within the body, giving us something tangible we can build from.

For me this is such a big step and change from how I used to be. It is still a work in progress and at times I may fall into old patterns, but this is very rare and I know there will always be an opportunity to evolve and be more of me if I am willing to let go of what I know is not me.

I am continually inspired by the teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon family, Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine Practitioners: they are true role models, living and walking what they talk and present – showing us all there is a more fulfilling and loving way to live and be.

By Vicky, Youth Worker, London

Further Reading:
In the Picture: Universal Medicine, Confidence and Knowing I Matter
Developing Confidence in Myself and My Business
What is the ‘Sacred’ in ‘Sacred Esoteric Healing’?

912 thoughts on “From Apologist to Confident

  1. We all know innately that we are all equal yet we live in a world that tells us that we are only worth what we do. The question for me is why do we give up on a truth we know and accept an untruth because this is what the world tells us? Basically we are all knowingly complicit in sustaining this lie so there must be something that we are all getting from it?

  2. This is beautiful Vicky and comes with so much honesty and wisdom and is very inspiring . Our true confidence comes from within with our connection to ourselves and the strength and power form this is remarkable. I love the changes you have made and the joy from this is true healing and medicine.

  3. This is simple yet very powerful when we choose to live this way ‘I now know and feel I am equal to everyone.’ I also spent a great deal of life apologising for who I was; I was constantly confirming to others it was ok to play less. Learning to let go of this pattern has been huge for me as well, building the connection with myself has been key to deepening the love for myself that has allowed me to feel more confident and equal to others.

  4. Reading this Vicky alerted me to my posture and how I was sitting. Might seem small and insignificant and perhaps a bit literal, but I feel it’s more than that. Standing tall in who I am, we are, is everything for our every movement, even the one where we are sitting and not physically moving is an expression of how we are with ourselves.

  5. I love this blog Vicky, I can certainly relate to what you’ve shared here about how our inner state affects our posture and how we move. Being more aware of this and being supported to unravel the ways in which I’ve held myself back or not expressed what I was really feeling to has been incredibly healing for me and continues to be as I learn more each day. How we move and hold ourself makes such a difference, it’s like our own medicine or poison.

  6. I have met people that apologise for existing, I try and tell them that they don’t have to be sorry, then they thank me profusely, followed by more sorrys of course. It is truly incredible that you have been able to discover your true power and break out of this crutch of apologising.

  7. “Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.” Hear, hear, Vicky and the beauty of rediscovering the love that we are.

  8. Universal Medicine has presented the science of energy to the world and one of the great revelations that has been presented that has really supported me, is that we carry energetic configurations in our bodies which attract us back to keep making the same choices over and over again, even if we know they are not so good for us. This is why true energetic healing is so important for this can clear the configurations from our bodies and actually give us the freedom to make a truly free choice, one not affected by the familiarity of our previous choices, movements and configurations.

  9. Apologizing for ourselves is a betrayal of the light that we come from. In truth and in essence we are magnificent beings and when we apologize for our existence we are denying that light.

  10. There are ways we can be an apologist. We can say sorry before our sentences because we lack self-worth or don’t value what we have to bring. We can also apologise to hide the fact that we are really hurt or outraged with the way the world is. It is far easier when we develop steadiness within ourselves, stop blaming people or the world and simply express what we see and feel, in consideration of all.

  11. I love that you have shared that our movements have a huge impact on the way we feel and then onto how we speak. More and more I am noticing how my thoughts are affected by if I am slouching, rigid etc. As I am writing I can feel the way my body would move and be shaped if I were to be in an apologetic way of being. Its small shoulders drooped, almost given up.

  12. Everything is shown in the body, by the way we move and hold ourselves. Nothing is hidden, even if we think we are doing a good job of hiding our feelings/insecurities about life, the body tells the full story. It’s amazing to witness the changes the body naturally makes when changes are made to the way we live. My posture too, has changed dramatically since feeling and expressing my truth and walking in more glory.

  13. I was very good at apologising for everything and anything too Vicky, and every time the word left my lips it was like a huge hammer came out of the ground and made me drop down and down and down. Once I started to claim my own movements and who I was from my body’s connection I could see a real change in how I carried myself and how I chose to walk and hold my posture. It’s amazing how much changes and shifts in our movements and our expression when we look at how we are living and what may be holding us back from being all of who we are. I love observing myself and my movements; it’s a great learning tool.

  14. It is amazing how our body reflects how we feel about ourselves, by the way our posture is, I have noticed the more I am with myself and with what I am doing the more my body has a sense of solidness a confidence in me, whereas in the past, when I was apologising for this and that or whatever I had no sense of me only one of worthless .

  15. What Serge Benhayon presents around conscious presence and the quality of our movements is absolute gold – it allows a flow and confidence in the body that is powerful to feel.

  16. This is a great claiming Vicky and thank you for sharing. The biggest take away or gift that I have been given. Through the teachings of Universal Medicine is that everything is energy and all is because of energy. I have tried to hide for years from this fact by not claiming that I can feel energy and have been able to do so since birth. We can all feel energy it is natural part of who we are. We can all tell when someone is in a bad mood, sad, or angry and if they are angry we tend to steer clear of them until they come out of it. I am finding that by feeling the energy of my surroundings this gives me a confidence of being in control and not allow myself to be dustbin for someone who wants to vent their anger or frustration. I have more awareness and understanding that most of the time it is not anything I have done to upset them, so I don’t get sucked into thinking I have done something wrong and enjoining in the emotional outpouring.

  17. I enjoyed reading this again – it is so simple and understandable and I got a different angle this time. The equality stood out to me, how important it is to hold everyone as equal – not putting anyone above or below who we are. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what we do, how much money we have or the relationships we hold – it’s all about the quality of who we are and the fact that each and every one of us has equal access to God within. You can’t have more of God than another, but we can certainly choose to express and live in a way that makes that access more visible then others.

  18. “There will always be an opportunity to evolve and be more of me if I am willing to let go of what I know is not me.” Well said Vicky, it is very freeing when we recognise and let go of the false patterns of behaviour we adopt through living to ideals and beliefs. When we bring a consistency of connection to feeling our body our self-confidence naturally builds and strengthens.

  19. I have seen this same apologist behaviour in myself recently too Vicky. It is insidious but it is more in the way we move when we feel this way than it is about the fact we say sorry or apologise a lot. I notice that long before I feel to say sorry in a way that makes me small, I am moving in a way that is contracting my light too. Hence the key I am realising is actually in the quality of how we move and hold ourselves in every moment. Do we walk, talk or move in a way that is honouring our fullness or making ourselves lesser almost apologising for even existing?!

  20. I can totally relate Vicky… A similar paradigms is having to justify your existence every time you met someone… Boy is this tiring! And again a similar return to connecting with oneself and another paradigms shift with deep gratitude.

  21. It is inspiring to feel through what you have shared Vicky, how we naturally become more of our true selves when we choose to be in connection to who we are within. Our bodies continually amaze me of how honestly they do reflect the quality of choices we are making, so when we are living away from who we truly, away from love, are our bodies look deformed reflecting the lovelessness and abuse that we are accepting in our lives. And when we embrace the great love we are within, we move and live with a greater confidence and freedom of expression through our bodies, as we share the joy we are, knowing that this love is equally grand in all.

  22. Vicky I can so relate. I know the feeling of cowering in people’s presence, and it’s not just a feeling, it’s actually a posture I take on with my body. When I find myself doing this I find it helpful to remind myself to stand up straight and stand to my full height. This makes such a difference, and my behaviour and way of relating to others changes instantly from one of apology to one of confidence.

  23. Vicky thank you for writing this blog for me, as this was me too, and like you my life has turned 360 degrees since meeting Serge Benhayon and I remember we also met at the presentation that Serge was giving in London and we have been best friends ever since, you are the most adorable person and a huge inspiration to me. The work that you do with young children and teenagers is quite remarkable.

    1. Having known you both since you first met Serge Benhayon it is beautiful to see how you have both grown and changed and are inspirations in your own rights.

    2. Mary thank you for your comment it is truly heartfelt. I can absolutely look back and see how not only yourself and i have evolved since first meeting and knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine but literally hundreds if not thousands of others. From going to apologist to confident is just one of the many beautifull changes that have unfolded within me. Without a doubt you are also a huge inspiration to me with regards to the loving choices you continually make towards your true evolution, I have and know I always will continue to learn so much from you, not only that you are a dear friend who I feel completely blessed to know in my life.

    3. Mary what a gorgeous comment; I can feel it is truly heartfelt. Looking back I can completely appreciate not just how your and I have changed in many positive ways since knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, but literally hundreds if not thousands of others people’s lives have as well. From going to apologist to confident is one of many many loving unfoldings that have happened within me and my life. I will also say it is truly gorgeous to see how you have evolved and continue to do so; the consistent and dedicated choices you make towards your true evolution do and always will continually inspire me to be more and it is an absolute blessing to know and have you in my life

  24. The topic you raise, Vicky, about being apologetic is an important one as it is very common and as you share so well it is hugely detrimental. Sharing your journey to heal that is very inspirational for others who behave similarly as you demonstrate that it is possible to change, overcome and heal the cause of it.

  25. “I used to continually want to run away from everything I was doing and not fully commit.” I really know this line! It’s an awful feeling wanting to get away, it feels like a solution but it’s actually so harmful, even to our health. In terms of commitment what I feel for myself is I need to vote in my own favour that I have all that is needed within to meet whatever is before me.

  26. This is a great topic, Vicky. ‘Sorry’ is such a funny and telling word – completely overused and often in the wrong context as well. ‘Sorry’ that you bumped into me is a classic one I can relate to. While I was aware of the over-sorrying, I never worked on it per se. Rather, by feeling more committed to myself and working on me in general, the sorrying has disappeared.

  27. “I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.” I can relate to this Vicky and in truth it shows a real sense of commitment to deepen our relationship with self. The choice to make movements that support this surrender and vulnerability to be as it needs to be, allows the body to reconfigure to its natural state and allow us to be open and express what is there to be shared with apologies.

  28. The quality of our movements determines the quality of our everyday life experiences, this is a fact and offers us the opportunity to take responsibility and charge of the way we meet life on a daily basis.

    1. And the quality of our expression affects the quality of our next movement. Everything is connected and everything counts.

  29. Yes Vicky. I know this one well – apologising for being alive. I have largely let this one go now, as you have too, but I noticed the other day that I went into it a bit. It was interesting to clock that. More and more I have been fully backing myself even if I am wrong. Then if I see that I have been wrong about something I can then apologise, and I feel it is necessary to offer an apology to someone (not be ‘apologetic’), fully claiming my own presence and light. Here apology has a place, not in the way that we have been using it in the past.

  30. How we feel about ourselves comes out through the way we hold and move our body, and through how we express with words. So much is communicated when we pay attention to the details, really listen, and read between the lines or the quality of space between each expression.

    1. Beautifully said Chan. I observed this the other day whilst driving down a high street how people walked and moved reflected how they were feeling. It felt like some were carrying old sacks of rubbish around just in their walking. If we don’t heal our hurts or deal with our issues alongside low self confidence and self esteem etc this is bound to reflect in the way we move. In fact I am really appreciating this right now in writing this comment and have realised the more I address and deal with issues, hurts etc the stronger and more confident I feel within myself and my body … hence no longer apologising to others for just being me.

  31. So many people apologise for their presence, I have noticed this in myself and others. It’s like, I’m sorry I’m here and taking up this space. I have found that the more that I am able to appreciate myself the more this drops away as I am more able to recognise what I bring to situations. This also offers others the space to value themselves too.

  32. You reminded me that I still at times apologise when I don’t really need to! I will be more aware of this from now on. Why would we need to apologise when there is no reason to? I can see now that I am not fully valuing myself and not in the livingness of equality.

  33. I find it interesting how saying ‘sorry’ is usually by women – for breathing, walking in the street, out grocery shopping (‘I am sorry to bother you, but do you have….’), getting out of the way on a pavement to let men pass and so on. Living in equal-ness with all others just cuts this insidious and detrimental behaviour.

  34. I love the claiming in the title of this blog and that you do not qualify being confident you just are. Awesome transformation from apologising for your existence to reflecting to others how to express from who you are with no holding back.

  35. Our movements and our posture reflect so much and it is amazing to witness people standing tall in the world and confidently expressing from the depth of who they are. So inspiring and the ripples of these expressions offer much needed role models to humanity particularly for our young people.

  36. Taking stock of the choices we have made not only allows us to appreciate ourselves more but also supports us to build a more solid foundation that backs us up when things come up in life meeting them head on without compromising the quality of our beingness.

  37. For a long time I felt less than others and also that others could do things better than me, so I totally give my power away. I became aware of my old habits and patterns by doing the Sacred Esoteric Healing Courses which cleared so much that was stuck in my body.

  38. I have also found the more consistent I am in staying connected with my body the more steady I feel and the more confidence and awareness naturally builds and expands from within.

  39. The changes you have shared are a miracle. Most people get stuck in a pattern of behaviour and never get out of it or they take steps to change the outside (assertiveness training etc) but do not change the root cause. Being apologetic is common especially for women. The equality and vastness that you get to reconnect to at Universal Medicine events or modalities completely debases these ideas and allows us to gradually accept that is not who we are.

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