There was a time in my life when I was hugely arrogant and this largely came from my misplaced identification with my body and the lives I knew I had lived earlier before coming into this one.
Why do I say misplaced? Because I was in the illusion of an image – a conditioned picture, laid down by false information, giving way to certain ideals of how a man’s body ought to be; the utterly belying and beguiling warrior consciousness so to speak.
And so even though I had moments when I acknowledged that I was indeed blessed to have a great physical form and must respect that more, truly, deeply I was in disregard in spite of this – indulging with alcohol, nicotine, sugar, late night partying and disregarding my body’s messages and then further ‘killing it’ in the gym with my hard-core workouts, which made me feel at times invincible: feeling invincible in the fact that no matter what I did the previous night, I could come back to my peak levels the next day by just being crazily disciplined with my regular intense workouts. And falsely confident in that no matter what I would do, how much I would abuse my body, how much I taxed it to the maximum with my escapades into extreme adventure sports that would fill my body with adrenaline and spike me up and down, I was however in complete ignorance. And boy, did that make me arrogant!
I took great pride in the knowing that I had lived some ‘warrior lives’ in my past and this further boosted me with a false sense of power. In short, I had succumbed to that illusion of the so-called ‘discipline’ that I was living with. I was intense and I walked with the arrogance of the ignorance in me. But then none of us are ever so ignorant, are we? We do all know really! We carry deep within us at all times an imprint, a memory that is loving, honouring and true, an imprint waiting for us to acknowledge, and I for one always knew this.
It was only when I had allowed myself to step deeply into the abyss and well beyond it, that I realised how far behind I had left my true self. But even then there was something pulsating, sparking and protecting me. Even then I could always feel the presence of angels in my life, and this made me start being honest with myself. I started to take a hard look in the mirror each morning and began to see that the man being reflected back to me was but only a half version of who I truly was; I stopped drinking, but the pain and the angst kept on coming up. I stopped partying and yet I would not be able to sleep at nights. I made myself a recluse and in that I further disconnected from my own essence, and in this, shunned the love and support of those who were around me at that time.
Even though I thought I had started to heal some deep hurts, something inside me was quietly telling me that I was yet to get off this merry-go-round of being a prisoner of life. I was yet to break through the illusion of it all! And something was challenging and calling me deeply, constantly to do this. The tension within my body kept on increasing and this did nothing to heal my patterns and behaviours.
Meeting Serge Benhayon and Making Responsible Choices
All this changed the day I met Serge Benhayon… and has been changing ever since.
The answers started to pour in. I started to take a deep, honest look at everything. These indulgences/behaviours that I had always known, ever since I was a young boy, are not who I am. And yet I had allowed the so-called false ‘rites of passage’ with these indulgences turn me from being a beautiful, sensitive young boy, into a deeply hurt and angst-ridden young man.
My inner angst soon started to dissipate with each answer, the intensities began to transform into steadiness and soon I began to truly honour my body with my choices and without the need to be perfect – choices that supported me to be more connected to my body no matter what hurt or pain would come up. Choices that even though they were challenging for me initially, I held onto, as I could feel the truth of what was being shown to me. Choices that I now know, deep within me, were more than just true, they were and are simply divine.
Soon I started to make these choices an integral part of my lifestyle and they began to reflect in my outer dealings with the world. These choices started to show me a path that made my body feel vital, that made me realise and understand deeply how those past ingrained indulgences and behaviours had somehow never made me feel vital. These choices started to show me how, even though I felt I was living in my body then, truly I was far from it; far from understanding and listening to what my body needed on a daily basis as I walked, as I ate, as I communicated and expressed in the world, as I slept – it all became one glorious movement in my body and I was able to feel an expansion that I had never ever felt before. I was now able to see clearly how earlier on, prior to making these responsible choices, my hurts, reactions and judgements had not just diminished me, but had diminished my light and natural essence, and how that had also affected my body. And even though I had no visible illness, I could feel the dis-ease.
Movement and Feeling True Purpose in My Body
Thus, I began to understand the true dynamic of movement. I began to understand the true meaning of my movements, and in that, I could now sense the true purpose of my physical body.
I began to consider that each movement is important. How do I walk? How do I talk? What is the quality of my movements?
I could feel myself moving slowly, but steadily, away from the shadows, that darkness that I had voluntarily chosen out of my own ill behaviours. My movements were now being observed by me – as if I was in a constant state of meditation – and I could sense the effects of when I spoke rudely or in reaction (like ripples in water). I could sense how I ate when I reached out for foods that would bring comfort or not allow me to feel what was coming up for me at any particular time. I could now begin to catch my thoughts when they came in… and I could see how if those thoughts were allowed in, they would play havoc with my body and then this would start off a ‘domino effect’, so to speak. I would fall back into my age-old patterns of hurts, like eating food that dulled my vitality and my light, generally affecting my surroundings with that dullness.
Over the past few years I have come to deeply understand that the quality of my movements determines the level of stillness within me. I have always had this inner knowing, but I had gone on an outside quest to seek it. I had climbed mountains, dived in oceans, travelled, read books, indulged in the so called spiritual healing lifestyle etc. etc. I had run miles away from myself. And this understanding did not happen in any ‘Eureka’ moment. It came to me through my own choice of understanding the teachings of Serge Benhayon and the Ancient Wisdom. A wisdom so ancient, and yet so timeless, that they only make more and more sense each second I dive further, deeper into this vast pool of teachings. I was firmly, truly, deeply and humbly committed like never before in my entire life. No excuses for me this time around. No playing games, as I was able to see the bigger picture – as vast as the unfolding cosmos above me and above us all. It was ‘All’ in for me, as everything I had done or come to pass so far had only been hurtling me towards this.
Developing Energetic Responsibility with My Body in Movement
And this is exactly what I did. It was confirming and hugely responsible for me to re-collect and know that I equally belonged to all those ancient places – that I had lived in the past not just as a warrior but as a philosopher, a healer, a teacher, a master and a guardian of light and truth. I made that true, soulful choice of being energetically responsible towards my body, towards my entire being. And now, having chosen to not run any more from this, I know absolutely that ‘stillness’ is neither slow, nor fast, but a holding within my body. This Quality of Stillness for sure evolves me each time I re-connect to it within me – this innermost of ‘me’ that then is my anchor throughout.
So on a practical level, how did I firmly, deeply build this innermost in my body?
I went back to zero and began again. I began to slowly build a rhythm of movements that would then become my ‘markers’ in daily life. These markers would then take me back to ‘me’ (to my centre) if I ever felt I had come adrift. I began to observe myself; I began to let go of my own self-imposed and harsh discipline that would invariably make me slip and fall and self-flagellate. I began to see that this was beyond just getting on and off the wagon. It was deeper. It was truer each time I chose what was felt in my body as vital. I thus began to let go and I started to build daily self-care and self-loving markers around my body and my life.
This steadily made me honestly aware of my movements: my walking, the way I get up from bed, the way I get to bed, how I flush, how I put down/up the toilet seat, how I wash dishes, how I prepare my tea, how I cook food, how I travel, how I sit, how I meet and hold myself and others when I talk to them – each and every movement through life. Every movement is now a ritual. It’s Zen for me!
Through all this I could now humbly feel how this is all about true responsibility. Because if I was not being responsible with my own body, how then could I walk the world saying I am a responsible citizen of the planet? How then can I be responsible in my relationships on the outside if I did not have the ability to hold that within and for my own temple – ‘my body’?! The doing would then take care of itself.
True Movement and True Religion
I always knew about Karma, but earlier it was more a philosophy for me to know, live it in parts, eschew and spew out, rather than this deeper understanding of actually living and experiencing it through my choices as true Karma is everything we do in the quality of energy we do them. An inspirational role model in this has been my fellow, elder brother Serge Benhayon in all the years I have known him in this life; consistent, steady, powerful and yet so humble to the core. This was the role model that I had constantly sought all my life.
And now it’s all such a beautiful change. I now am able to sense and feel my own quality as equally as I can feel anybody else’s. Now I am able to feel deeper through it all. How cool it is now to live with this quality in my body – this absolute Obedience to God and Divinity.
With the power of the Ancient Wisdom as a huge blessing in my life, only because I chose very truly to understand it through all my illusions, I have been able to come back to my true nature – gentle, tender, yet powerfully strong and immensely responsible. This is the quality I am walking in now. For I know that this is honouring of The All in me and The All that is in the constant expansion of the Cosmic. It’s like I am now being given more and more access to a much deeper and powerful teaching from the Universe with each of these movements. With each moment I feel more and more responsible with that divine power coursing through my veins. This then makes my body feel totally at ease when I let go and allow these messages to come through.
I am now able to live life with a deep gratitude and an absolute humility for all life. Each and every one of my fellow beings that I earlier felt so disconnected from, I now know that I am responsible for – with how I live, how I think, how I speak, how I move, how I breathe, how I walk and how I reflect; every single aspect of my being-ness! This for me is now True Movement and this is my True Religion, as I keep aligning myself more and more each day to the stars and the vast unfolding of the Universe above and around me. My Cosmic duty is unwavering, no matter what.
And if I forget on any given day, I remind myself by asking myself; “Who pulls my strings?” And the answer is always resounding – Love and Responsibility – first and foremost to my body, to evolution!
By Chetan Jha, London (UK), Guardian of Light and Truth, an Angelic Monad living the life of an ordinary human being extraordinarily as a Universal Man