My father passed away when I was eleven years old and this event had a significant impact on the course of my life, made more complicated and misguided as his passing was clouded by emotion – and misunderstanding of the truth of what had occurred.
The emotions that most impacted my life were grief, guilt and sympathy – which you might say are natural reactions to having a parent pass over when you are at such a tender age. That is … if you buy into a model of life that says that the natural course of human life is to be born, experience many things, grow old and then pass away when you are in your eighties or nineties. And that this is your one and only life, especially when viewed from a false religious narrative that also loads the event with notions of good and bad, heaven and hell – all watched over by a God keen to judge how one has lived their life, based on a narrow set of standards.
I learnt of my father’s passing when my mother came home from the hospital, where he had been admitted the day before with a seemingly sudden illness, a complication to an ill condition he had developed in infancy. My brother and I were sitting on the lounge at my grandparents’ place, watching TV and eating dessert, when my mother came in and told us that “The angels have taken your father to heaven.” This was a rather poetic way to explain what had happened, and no doubt there was no real guide book as to how to explain such a thing to a child at that time.
My first reaction was to go into guilt – how could I be sitting here eating dessert when my father had just passed away? Surely I could have been more responsible, I told myself … as if my behaviour had an impact or ability to control the course of events that had unfolded. For many years I could feel this guilt around eating food – as I’d associated it with somehow being irresponsible in the face of such a life tragedy.
This feeling of guilt was further cemented in the days after his passing when I took on board comments made to me about how I should handle my father’s death. As my mother was working at a Catholic school at the time, we were visited by a group of nuns. I have a clear memory of sitting on the end of a couch with a rather large and imposing nun sitting beside me, leaning in very close and telling me not to cry or be sad as my mother already had enough to worry about and didn’t need to worry about me. Naturally I did feel sad that my father had passed away, particularly as it was so sudden. I was confused about what I had seen when I visited him in the hospital and also that I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye. It was all so unexpected.
Rather than being given the support to understand what had happened – I was left to find my way amidst the behaviour of those around me and the beliefs and traditional views they held. I could sense people looking at me and without using words, there was a feeling of ‘that poor little girl losing her father’. The sympathy that was directed at me was another layer of emotion on top of the guilt I’d taken on and the grief that was not given expression, having held back any tears I might have felt were there to shed.
In this sense, the passing of my father was not seen in its true light and the process naturally completed. The emotions continued to sway the way I viewed life and were often motivators for choices I made, particularly in relationships with men.
Throughout my life, whenever someone I knew passed over, it was like the whole ‘job lot’ of emotions I had taken on would come to the surface and I’d find myself getting absorbed into the story of what had occurred and even more disturbing, wanting to fix the situation for others, somehow thinking I could take away their pain and going into sympathy with the situation myself.
This really was a murky business.
I also became fascinated with the whole process of death and went about ‘learning’ what really happened when someone passes over. I studied a well know ‘expert’ on death and read about various cultural traditions and beliefs around the whole dying process. Yet, all the while I carried unresolved emotions and could feel how they continued to play a part in how I saw life, relationships and the impact this had on family dynamics.
One thing that I became open to was reincarnation. This made sense to me, when compared to the Christian teaching of the body being brought back to life in a far distant future and everyone living happily ever after somewhere up in the clouds. However, the way reincarnation was presented by different cultural groups was still clouded with confusion and many aspects of the way it was taught just didn’t make sense.
I could feel all of this begin to unravel when I began to be open to the healing that was on offer at Universal Medicine courses and presentations. I still had many questions and could sense how entrenched my reactions and emotions really were. I remember going through a phase of wondering how else I could have responded as a child, justifying my behaviour, feeling the disempowerment of believing I was a victim of what life had handed me and having a deep attachment to the story of how my childhood had unfolded. I saw life in terms of the domino effect: because this happened, then that happened, leading to this happening and then that, as though I was a pebble being washed and tossed along a stream with little or no choice other than to continue to react to each new situation that unfolded.
It was through a loving commitment to knowing what the truth of life is, that I have gradually been able to clear and heal all of the emotions that held sway in my life for so long. With each point of clarity, I can see and feel that life is so much more than what I had allowed myself to believe.
I now see reincarnation as a very natural process that makes sense and is an offering to return to the innate wisdom and qualities that belong to our Soul, the aspect of us that remains true in its connection to the one Soul, God, and the Oneness of the Universe. This occurs through an ever-deepening process of renouncing all of the false beliefs we have taken on and a clearing and healing of all of the choices that were not in true alignment to our divine nature.
With this understanding I can feel that my father’s passing was part of his own evolution and what had been called for by his own Soul, and all that he experienced was the result of his many choices over many lives. I can also feel and see that his passing was a blessing and gift for me, an opportunity to more deeply read and observe life and although my own life would have been simpler if I had this understanding and awareness as a child, I can truly appreciate the offering and the support of the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom and the community that lives and reflects these teachings so simply. This support has allowed me to accept the truth of life, let go of the emotions that I had taken on and live a life that feels true, full of innate wisdom and a connection to a much grander model of life.
Our relationship with life and death
Death and Dying – The Cycle of Life and Death
Death and the Bereavement Process – Why do we make it so Difficult?
14 thoughts on “Unravelling the Truth about Death”
Death affects people in a lot of different ways, mainly they think it’s the end, but truthfully, it’s all what “we” think it is and the thought makes our minds go different directions especially fear, it’s the unknown.. , the Bible says in John 3:16″ For God loved the world that He gave one and only Son, and whosoever Believes on Him will not perish but have eternal life.” Jesus also said in the Bible regarding life, In John 11:25-26″ I am the resurrection and the life, He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live, And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die…”DO YOU BELIEVE THIS ? I pray Gods Word encourages you who read this, Dave
Hi Dave, I feel the bible is with holding the truth, ‘the Bible says in John 3:16″ For God loved the world that He gave one and only Son, and whosoever Believes on Him will not perish but have eternal life.’ This gives everyone a very narrow perspective that there is only one son when actually we are all the fallen sons of God until such time we resurrect ourselves to be at one and walk with God again.
I was struck by the idea that a successful life is being born, doing lots of stuff then dying at ‘grand old age’ as I’ve heard it referred to – anything less is a robbery and feeds some very strong emotions not just of grief but great anger that often doesn’t resolve itself if we keep buying into the unfairness of it all.
I’ve not had a parent die when I was young but in saying what I’ve just said I can feel the anger beneath the sympathy for bereaved children, how mean and uncaring is someone for not being sympathetic. But sympathy has its own interests at heart. The energy of sympathy seeks perpetuation, to confirm itself; it asks a person to remain in a situation -poor child they’ll never be able to heal from something so awful. It doesn’t reflect to another the inner knowing we all have to heal.
Your words made me stop and feel how every moment we are alive offers a sort of death or a kind. A chance to let go and truly change. But we tend to hang on and resist maintaining everything ‘as it is’ in the direct contrast to the way all nature is built to behave. No wonder we get so upset when ‘the final nail’ comes in the coffin so to speak – as we have fought each other change we’ve been presented with.
Joseph reading your comment I was caught by the feeling that we are encouraged to fear death, rather than see it as a beginning of another life, another opportunity to evolve and get out of here. As we are not supposed to be on this plane of life in the first place. We are the introduced species.
Death is a part of life and the ongoing evolution of our soul – if this understanding was lived from the beginning of life by those around us, impositions such reactions, emotions and life’s stories would not become the burden and distraction they can and as you have shared quite often do.
At the age of 9 my father passed while sitting next to me, so as you have shared ‘A’ much has been learnt from The Ageless Wisdom Teachings, that allow us to heal and understand the role that re-incarnation plays in our evolution.
It’s interesting how the model of ‘death’ that you describe as your experience as a child is so wrought in pretence and the need to make people feel ‘better’. Whenever we are told the truth we experience a settlement that is healing and enables us to leave the world of make believe and fully embrace life as a ‘whole’ and complete experience.
It’s really interesting how we have been lied to by false religions that make God out to be the bad guy, the one who is angry and judgemental, when actually the opposite is true. What is even worse is that we seem to have accepted the lies and blame God for every misfortune that happens to us in our life , rather than looking at the part we have to play in our lives and the consequences of our choices.
How confusing and utterly devastating to be told not to cry over the death of one’s father – all to spare one’s mother, the grieving widow it is assumed. Shutting down and bottling everything up has not ever worked and never will and is far from prudent guidance and support for all concerned.
I love what you are opening up here Anon as we are often lost in grief, guilt and other emotions for decades when someone close to us passes over. Of course we may miss their physical presence, but we usually aren’t supported to see death as just the beginning of the next cycle for that person – but the reincarnation perspective changes the whole understanding of what has and is happening for the person who has passed. It also has quite big implications for us and how we live our lives this lifetime …
Helen I agree as I was listening to someone explain that for them to die is actually a release, to be born again is a slow death. I can so relate to what was being shared around the supper table as I have always felt that life is actually a slow death, that we are just passing time until we are not here any more. To me the film Groundhog Day explains the cycle of life very well.
One of the things that stood out for me whilst reading your blog is the fact that you studied death and dying but nothing could resolve the issues that you had until coming across The Ageless Wisdom. What we often see in society is that people can take it even a step further and go and support people with death and dying issues with the knowledge they accumulated whilst they themselves still carry the same unresolved emotions. So the cycle never stops because you can’t help someone when you carry the same hurt and so on.
Lieke that caught my attention too, the fact that this person studied death and dying but nothing could resolve the issues that they had until coming across The Ageless Wisdom. The Ageless Wisdom picks apart many misconceptions about life and in the unpicking we are able to understand the true meaning of life and why we are here. We are taught that there is one life and this lie holds us in a deep deception away from the truth that reincarnation is a blessing.