Brought Back to Life

2004 was one of my most disastrous years. My marriage had broken down. I had no real job. Financially I was totally dependent on my husband. Emotionally I was unstable and did not feel either like a woman or a good mother. On top of this, a friend of mine died at the age of 30 after ‘a simple operation’ to her knee and left behind a husband and two little kids.

I did try to fix all the things on the outside by doing sports and having affairs to fill my lack of self-love, trying to confirm that I was ‘functioning’ as a woman. I started to smoke cigarettes (and the occasional joint). I was involved in as much emotional drama as I could create. And also I looked at some spiritual pursuits, healers and NLP. This made me feel ‘alive’.

I threw myself into caring for my friend’s two children and their alcohol-dependent father. This made me feel useful and gave me recognition and the feeling I was doing something good.

In 2004 I also had my first healing session with an esoteric practitioner, a student from Universal Medicine, who came from Australia to Germany. For the first time in my life I felt ME. I felt the deep sadness which I carry with me and the release in that session. I felt like coming home. No imposing and no demands – just simply myself. What a beautiful experience.

I continued with the sessions which helped me enormously to live my daily life in a more respectful manner towards myself and also to others. Life got more ordered and less extreme in the sense of stress and emotional dramas.

In 2005 I went for the first time to a Universal Medicine course and I met Serge Benhayon. Who is that man I thought? For a long time I had a fear that I would be hurt again so I was very discerning. But I was pulled by the truth of what Serge presented (and still presents) which confirms what I do feel inside of me but never dared to express.

Since then I have become a student of Universal Medicine and a student of my soul. My life has changed slowly. My husband and I started to live together again. We had a more loving approach to each other and became open to what our relationship was about – that it is not always about love, but about needs which have to be met: he was the knight who protects me from the outside world and I was the home he needs to come back to. Today I know that how we live together is still not as loving as it could be but a lot of things have changed and we both know that until the end of this life we will not choose to live like that (lacking of love) again. We gave our relationship a chance and discovered that while it was not functioning on a level as husband and wife, we are now living together as friends and are learning to support each other with new and more loving foundations.

Regarding the caring of the two kids and their father – I recognised that after two years I was exhausted. There was a need for me to help, but I never asked if that help was wanted! I also saw how alcohol brings down families, including my own family.

The more self-loving I got, the less need there was to fill myself with affairs and cigarettes and I stopped both habits. I became aware of how food influences my body and my mood. I stopped eating gluten and dairy three years after attending that first healing course, and nobody imposes on me what to do. I keep to a certain sleep rhythm which helps me to be more vital and present during the day.

Today I feel deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon, his family and Universal Medicine. I have got a job in an office and also have started to work as an esoteric practitioner myself.

Is my life perfect? No. But it is more true and I am more ME. I still have a lot to resolve. But now I can and do feel joy. So all in all, through attending the courses and healing sessions and through my own daily choices, I have been brought back to life, and no longer keep myself hidden.

By Sonja, Germany

260 thoughts on “Brought Back to Life

  1. A beautiful way to put it Sonja, ‘brought back to life’ and in that brought back to feeling you and who you are, and from there we then can see how we approach life, and what we need to do, once we know who we are. We have that always.

  2. Yes Sonja, there is a deeper part to us, or actually a whole. But we have been living fragmentations of truth and lies, where we are now basically unhappy and unsettled with our partly-separated lives, whilst we know we are whole and absolutely loving beings in a body.

  3. What you bring up in your blog is really important because you shared your willingness to engage in taking responsibility for your part knowing you could not change how your partner felt. How often do we ‘take our toys home’ because the other person won’t play fair?! Oh me oh my, we have so much to learn about our own behaviour rather than the naming shaming and blaming of others!!

  4. Universal Medicine has given us all an opportunity to see that we bring gunk to relationships that contributes to their break down. If we have a willingness to address that gunk, be responsible and accountable, then relationships blossom. That doesn’t mean you end up always staying together, but you can separate and still have respect for each other. This is a rare outcome so what Universal Medicine presents is surely worth considering.

  5. The insights and understandings we can come to when we are both honest with ourselves and transparent about our imperfections are so healing.

  6. Thank you for sharing your reawakening and appreciation for the support that you have received as your healing unfolds. Life is not about being perfect but having the willingness to take responsibility for unloving behaviours and starting to make different choices.

  7. ‘For the first time in my life, I felt ME’. To come back to ourselves – how gloriously simple…and wonderful this is.

  8. Wow, how gorgeous is that – that by this connection you have once given yourself back, is now supporting you to stop hiding and or holding back the love that you are. This is exactly what we need as a human race. Markers where we can go to in our hearts, of knowing oneself (our love).

  9. “Is my life perfect? No. But it is more true and I am more ME.” And that is the beauty. It is never about perfection but about the truth we allow ourselves to live, step by step and breath by breath.

  10. I love how you shared that you became a student of your Soul. What greater teacher and guidance could one ask for than that, that of our essence, our light within, and through in developing a loving relationship with our bodies, we have access to a wisdom and intelligence that is universal and such an awareness that allows us to know what’s of truth and what is not. In living with this connection we are able to live and bring to life all of who we are. This is everything that Universal Medicine is about, learning to live guided by our connection to the truth of our Soul.

    1. Yes, I love that too. We speak of soul, that it suffers and not to sell it etc. but do we ever stop and simply embrace this part of us and live from it and through it, simply and fully dedicating our life to this, as we can all so clearly feel, true part of ourselves.

    2. Beautifully said Carola. The realisation that the Soul is the truth of our essence and all that we are in truth is the grandest of healings.

  11. I feel like this….”Is my life perfect? No. But it is more true and I am more ME.” even though I stumble, make a drama out of nothing and forget how much has truly changed in my life, I have this foundation of self-love now which is much harder to rock or deny.

    1. I hear you Samantha, even though on the surface it doesn’t at times look like I have an inner solidness and stillness, but that’s just the surface as the underneath is left to just be.

  12. Great to highlight that in building a deeper relationship and connection with ourselves, the more we connect to the world and feel the natural impulse to engage with life. In making a strong commitment to build a loving and caring foundation to our way of living, the more this has a ripple effect on everything around us transforming the way we live and all our relationships.

  13. We are highly trained in the most obvious and insidious ways to bring us down. There is like a contentment with emasculated misery that may seems to be running behind the scenes until it comes into open air and reveals itself in full.

  14. It is a great point to raise – the difference between function and love in a relationship. And while there may not be a complete understanding of what the difference between the two could possibly be, I reckon that to have a willingness to explore and to learn is pure gold and enriches the relationship no matter what.

  15. Gorgeous sharing. To move from a woman dependent on a man to a woman who is supporting herself, and working on a relationship that broke down is not only remarkable, it is miraculous when we look deeply into the conduct of many and the state of relationships on a broader scale in our world today.

    1. Absolutely the willingness of you and your husband to be honest about your individual needs and your joint commitment to work on your relationship is inspirational.

  16. Such an awesome turn around Sonja and I feel that it is still developing and growing. Each small change we make in self caring has bigger consequences than we can imagine at the time.

  17. “The more self-loving I got, the less need there was to fill myself with affairs and cigarettes and I stopped both habits. ” So true. When we truly love and care for ourselves old habits can gently fade away – without any trying.

  18. There is so much to learn about love when we have forgotten how much we are from it, are made from it and how it is our essence. So what we look outside for and expect from another person actually has to come from us first. Congratulations for staying with it and what an opportunity to learn , develop and deepen with your husband rather than write the foundation of the relationship off.

  19. Sometimes the most difficult situations are those which take us directly to the truth we are living, clearly revealing our part in them.

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