2004 was one of my most disastrous years. My marriage had broken down. I had no real job. Financially I was totally dependent on my husband. Emotionally I was unstable and did not feel either like a woman or a good mother. On top of this, a friend of mine died at the age of 30 after ‘a simple operation’ to her knee and left behind a husband and two little kids.
I did try to fix all the things on the outside by doing sports and having affairs to fill my lack of self-love, trying to confirm that I was ‘functioning’ as a woman. I started to smoke cigarettes (and the occasional joint). I was involved in as much emotional drama as I could create. And also I looked at some spiritual pursuits, healers and NLP. This made me feel ‘alive’.
I threw myself into caring for my friend’s two children and their alcohol-dependent father. This made me feel useful and gave me recognition and the feeling I was doing something good.
In 2004 I also had my first healing session with an esoteric practitioner, a student from Universal Medicine, who came from Australia to Germany. For the first time in my life I felt ME. I felt the deep sadness which I carry with me and the release in that session. I felt like coming home. No imposing and no demands – just simply myself. What a beautiful experience.
I continued with the sessions which helped me enormously to live my daily life in a more respectful manner towards myself and also to others. Life got more ordered and less extreme in the sense of stress and emotional dramas.
In 2005 I went for the first time to a Universal Medicine course and I met Serge Benhayon. Who is that man I thought? For a long time I had a fear that I would be hurt again so I was very discerning. But I was pulled by the truth of what Serge presented (and still presents) which confirms what I do feel inside of me but never dared to express.
Since then I have become a student of Universal Medicine and a student of my soul. My life has changed slowly. My husband and I started to live together again. We had a more loving approach to each other and became open to what our relationship was about – that it is not always about love, but about needs which have to be met: he was the knight who protects me from the outside world and I was the home he needs to come back to. Today I know that how we live together is still not as loving as it could be but a lot of things have changed and we both know that until the end of this life we will not choose to live like that (lacking of love) again. We gave our relationship a chance and discovered that while it was not functioning on a level as husband and wife, we are now living together as friends and are learning to support each other with new and more loving foundations.
Regarding the caring of the two kids and their father – I recognised that after two years I was exhausted. There was a need for me to help, but I never asked if that help was wanted! I also saw how alcohol brings down families, including my own family.
The more self-loving I got, the less need there was to fill myself with affairs and cigarettes and I stopped both habits. I became aware of how food influences my body and my mood. I stopped eating gluten and dairy three years after attending that first healing course, and nobody imposes on me what to do. I keep to a certain sleep rhythm which helps me to be more vital and present during the day.
Today I feel deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon, his family and Universal Medicine. I have got a job in an office and also have started to work as an esoteric practitioner myself.
Is my life perfect? No. But it is more true and I am more ME. I still have a lot to resolve. But now I can and do feel joy. So all in all, through attending the courses and healing sessions and through my own daily choices, I have been brought back to life, and no longer keep myself hidden.
By Sonja, Germany
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
Choosing to become a student of Universal Medicine is to open the door to truth and a true way of living.
Sonja thanks for sharing with such honesty. Your story may support others to see that the opportunity to change what’s not really working in our life is always there. I appreciate deeply your courage in taking the step to face up to what was not loving in your relationships and connect deeper with yourself. The precious woman you are was always there, but today you are more aware of this fact, and this is a true joy to live.
Is any Universal Medicine student’s life perfect? not that I’ve ever seen. Do people still have struggles? from time to time. Is it joy-full, has deeper relationships and an aliveness that wasn’t there before? most definitely. Is the fact that being more responsible for your life brings much more love and light into life? Oh yes.
Love not being perfect as this brings so much learning into my life. Yes, at times this can be uncomfortable and intense, but there is a purpose, to come back within, which brings me back to life again.
I loved reading this, a before and after, and how life has changed since Universal Medicine.
Many of the students of Universal Medicine could share a story, about how their lives have transformed to a more loving place than before.
We could continue living our lives for others, leaving us exhausted, or we live our lives for ourselves first, making it more loving for to us to be around.
It is lovely to read of the changes students make after attending Universal Medicine.
That need to be needed – I was just feeling how that sometimes motivate my action. It’s exhausting, and there in fact is no sense of responsiveness, it’s all me working myself up, by myself, only to crash land. Oh dear.
We each have a life to live, something to contribute to this world. We each can connect to that and express it, or be worried that what we have to bring is not good enough and hence hold back and let the world miss out.
Thank you Sonja, it’s extraordinary what is offered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, a chance to reconnect to our soul and then begin living from this, as well as deeply respecting the body. It all adds up to a very honouring and self-loving lifestyle, and very self-empowering because it comes from within.
What Serge Benhayon presents is a very honouring and loving lifestyle, which comes from our innermost and connecting with our soul.
Life is constantly offering the opportunity of going deeper and adjusting what is not loving with us, and you were open to go beyond the circumstances by accepting the next step on offer to love yourself more. It’s clear that that was a turning point year for you, Sonja and your choices made the rest.
It sounds as though the year was actually one of great learning for you. You have actually learnt so much about yourself and those around you. The honesty you have when you recognised that you had exhausted yourself by jumping in and helping with the bereaved father without asking if help was needed. And you were able to understand how debilitating alcohol is and the negative impact it has on people and how destructive it is within families.
There is so much we can continually learn from life if we remain open to these learnings.
Is it better saying this one was a disastrous year? Or this year made clear to me from every angle that my movements had to change?
A beautiful way to put it Sonja, ‘brought back to life’ and in that brought back to feeling you and who you are, and from there we then can see how we approach life, and what we need to do, once we know who we are. We have that always.
Yes, ‘brought back to life’, connecting with and getting to know and love your true self, instead of merely trying to exist.
Yes Sonja, there is a deeper part to us, or actually a whole. But we have been living fragmentations of truth and lies, where we are now basically unhappy and unsettled with our partly-separated lives, whilst we know we are whole and absolutely loving beings in a body.
What you bring up in your blog is really important because you shared your willingness to engage in taking responsibility for your part knowing you could not change how your partner felt. How often do we ‘take our toys home’ because the other person won’t play fair?! Oh me oh my, we have so much to learn about our own behaviour rather than the naming shaming and blaming of others!!
Universal Medicine has given us all an opportunity to see that we bring gunk to relationships that contributes to their break down. If we have a willingness to address that gunk, be responsible and accountable, then relationships blossom. That doesn’t mean you end up always staying together, but you can separate and still have respect for each other. This is a rare outcome so what Universal Medicine presents is surely worth considering.
The insights and understandings we can come to when we are both honest with ourselves and transparent about our imperfections are so healing.
Thank you for sharing your reawakening and appreciation for the support that you have received as your healing unfolds. Life is not about being perfect but having the willingness to take responsibility for unloving behaviours and starting to make different choices.
We can choose to make different choices, ones that are self-loving, and keep making these new enriching choices.
Wow, how gorgeous is that – that by this connection you have once given yourself back, is now supporting you to stop hiding and or holding back the love that you are. This is exactly what we need as a human race. Markers where we can go to in our hearts, of knowing oneself (our love).