My Ex-Partner – Chocolate

by Heidi, Goonellabah, Australia

I am a 22 year-old Australian with a Swiss background. It goes without saying that I loved chocolate. I loved the taste, the texture, the feeling and I ate it all the time. When I was 16 I started to nominate and second-guess my love/need for chocolate. It was strange, I started to notice that it was almost like chocolate would call to me and I was pretty much powerless to resist. I remember one New Year’s Eve I made the dedicated choice to not eat it for an entire year. Holy moly, that was hard!! I lasted a couple of weeks and oh, how long those weeks were! This is embarrassing, but one morning I remember cleaning the house and finding some old chocolate… hidden in the sofa. I looked at it guiltily for a while and then ate it. Well, it was a downhill spiral from there and my intimate relationship with chocolate started all over again. Except this time I was convinced we would be lifelong partners (whether I liked it or not).

After graduating from high school I went to Switzerland for a year as an au pair (nanny). One of the reasons I left was because I was fed up with my Mum; I thought she had started yet another spiritual pursuit and I wasn’t being taken along for the ride. She’d taken a stand against my under-age drinking, started listening to Serge Benhayon recordings in the car (which just annoyed the hell out of me) and confronted me about our lack of communication. I could not stand that she was changing all the rules of our relationship, as I was pretty comfortable with how things were.

So I found a Swiss family looking for an au pair online and I left. At the beginning it was okay, but staying at home all the time cooking, cleaning and walking the dog started to wear me down. Well surprise, surprise, my love of chocolate (and other foods) started to grow. It was to the point that my skin got quite bad and I put on a substantial amount of weight. This was really inconvenient because on top of everything else going on…. I started feeling all this self-loathing come up.

My Swiss family tried to help the best they could. My Auntie sent me to a skin specialist and my Grandmother asked “Don’t you care you’re getting so fat?” while others politely ignored it. My Mum got pretty worried about me so she flew over from Australia to see me for a couple of weeks. Well, didn’t I get a shock. She had changed so much since I’d last seen her. Before, I had a Mother who talked a lot about Universal Medicine and all its philosophies but hadn’t really made any profound changes. Well this time was different. She hardly mentioned her involvement with Universal Medicine but boy oh boy, did she feel different. The way she talked, walked, hugged me and everything about her was so foreign. Before, it felt like she was trying to stuff all these random rules down my throat (sorry Mum – bit harsh, I know). Now, well now she was walking the talk and looking pretty amazing. Towards the end of her visit she recommended that I go along to a Universal Medicine course in London. So I decided to go.

Even though I’d seen the changes in my Mum, I was adamant that I wasn’t going to be taken on some spiritual roller-coaster. I was far too smart for that. After an interesting presentation during the course, Serge Benhayon asked us to pair up and talk about one thing that we had an over-reliance on and the reason for it. Of course, I chose chocolate, and initially I could not really tell you why I relied on it. I just liked it and that was it.

Amazingly, I had this memory. When I was a small child in outback Australia, my Swiss Grandparents came to visit. I didn’t speak German at the time so our means of communication were pretty limited. However, they would give me little individually wrapped Lindt chocolates with adoring eyes. It was beautiful; it was one of the ways they showed their love for me. While I was recounting the memory I suddenly realised…

I was reaching for chocolate as a form of connection or love. This may sound crazy but I don’t care, it’s true. It suddenly made sense. Break up with a boyfriend, chocolate. Fight with Mum, chocolate. Feeling guilty and hating myself for eating so much chocolate, well… I’d eat more chocolate.

After that activity during the Universal Medicine course things felt different. It wasn’t like this massive revelation where the heavens opened, music played and angels wept. No, it was just a really deep level of understanding from my body and it was really, really, really, really simple (really). It’s like I was given the opportunity to feel the effects of chocolate on my body long after the momentary pleasure in my mouth.

In the past I had used my mind to try and control my eating habits without understanding the underlying reason for my reliance on it. So, whenever I had tried to make a change it was always fraught with relapses, mentally psyching myself up to try again, coupled with a berating inner voice adamantly stating I wasn’t strong enough to make permanent, positive changes.

The quality of presentation given by Serge allowed me to approach what I knew needed to change from a completely different angle. It was because of this I was able to feel that the whole way I was living contributed to needing certain foods. So my focus was no longer on cutting out chocolate. It was more about how I interacted with people and how I treated myself. So when I made dietary changes from this understanding, things were a lot easier.

Surprisingly, I realised I just didn’t want chocolate or what it was offering me anymore. This was because I had dealt with my emotional stuff so I was allowed to feel that not only did I no longer need chocolate, but I didn’t want a bar of it (pun intended). I was able to then use this experience as a marker, so I began to experiment. I’d stop eating white bread, or cheese etc. for a bit and see how my body felt. If I could feel a marked improvement, then it was easy to cut these things out permanently and address why I had been reliant on them.

It’s been a process but my whole outlook is different. I don’t eat food in search of an amazing taste; it’s more about feeling what I can eat that allows my body to feel just as lovely as before I’ve eaten. So, no longer am I tired or bloated after I eat. The crazy thing is, is that I used to think being bloated was a sign I was full!! Oh how wrong I was.

It’s hard to write on paper how profoundly my life has changed, and there is so much to share about the amazing inspiration offered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. But for the moment I’d love to say that it is for this, and so much more, that I am so colossally grateful to Serge Benhayon. Inspired by my involvement with Universal Medicine, I have made so many beautiful choices. I now live free of chocolate, alcohol, sugar, dairy and gluten. My body feels completely different, I love my job, I have a beautiful relationship with the most loving man, I hold myself in such high regard, I’m studying to work in an area I’m passionate about and I live a drama-free life.

What beautiful anecdotal evidence (even if I do say so myself).

279 thoughts on “My Ex-Partner – Chocolate

  1. Heidi, I love the way you write with such honesty, humour and detachment about your ex-partner chocolate. Similar to your experience, I find that when I take the time and am willing to uncover what is the root cause of my cravings they lose their hold over me and I no longer need them.

  2. To use one’s mind to control things does not work, it is only when one understands the underlying reason do things change. For me the key to truly understand the reason comes, as you share Heidi, when you feel it in your body, for as we know ‘the body is the marker of all truth’.

  3. It is very beautiful when we can hear the body’s intelligence louder and clearer and how it is more powerful than the mind’s reasoning and conviction. And I agree, when the talk is walked it communicates much much more.

  4. It was spot on what you shared about the connection you have made between chocolate and the attempt to show love. I also grew up with this kind of ‘love’ which was more like reward for being good. This imprint lasts well into adulthood unless you re-discover the greatest reward possible – love from within.

  5. A very powerful recipe for addiction or behaviour we don’t fully control: Increase our awareness until we have a choice.

  6. A delightful read, thank you Heidi. You touched on something quite profound and also pervasive in society – that we make the same harmful decisions over and over despite our will power and intent to change, and that for you the change came when you truly understood yourself. Your experience with your grandparents feeding you chocolate makes sense that you tried to recreate feeling adored and loved through eating chocolate. Lots of people reach for food for this same reason, as being fed and cooked for can bring a sense of being cared for, valued and loved. Also, that the realisation came from within you and felt as a truth was a big part of this healing process. That is so true of Serge Benhayon presentations and workshops as he provides support, an environment, and tools for us to heal ourselves.

  7. While we are in the momentum of reacting to life we can try whatever we like in adjusting our lifestyle and way of eating. But until we do recognise that we are lived by our emotions and start to heal the hurts underneath, we just will fall into the same behaviour over and over again.

  8. It does not matter how many times I read this blog, as each time I feel a deep joy within me that such change is not only possible, it is very very simple, practical and common sensical.

  9. Your approach is very inspiring Heidi, it gets to the root of why we eat as we do, and to consider that it’s about all of how we are and live and to understand that and begin to consider how we live and are with ourselves without the emphasis on giving anything up or cutting anything out per say but seeing how we are with it. So you’ve inspired me to consider how I’m being at work which has me reaching for that mid afternoon snack and looking at the bigger wider picture here, and being openly curious with it all. Thank you.

  10. It’s great to return to articles like this that seem to bring more to you each time you read them. While this one has it’s feet in chocolate you can turn this quality of approach to anything. The thing that comes with reading this today is that we don’t try and give up something because it’s bad for us or we have been told too, as we have seen this just at some point leads back to the same place. We need to look deeper at things and not just at the end result. So in this article chocolate was linked to a childhood experience that once understood you could see the end result in a different light. So it starts by asking some deeper questions and not just trying to give up the behaviour.

  11. I have also found for me that if I try and stop eating something out of discipline or so called ‘will power’ without looking at the underlying emotional reasons why I am seeking or craving that food in the first place, it never works.

  12. ‘…I was able to feel that the whole way I was living contributed to needing certain foods.’ When we understand this we can change the way we eat without making it into a diet, a set of rules to follow (what I have done in the past). it is our body that speaks to us we learn to listen to and simply make the changes that are asked for.

  13. Great chocolate story Heidi. Especially we as women can feel addicted to chocolate. Why is that?
    Is it that it sweetens us temporarily as we are not really bringing that honoring to ourselves? Do we want to eat chocolate if we feel less? If we looked at what had happened before we ate it and what we are really feeling in that moment, to nominate what is going on for our feeling to eat chocolate may change.

  14. Nominating about our food choices and how it makes us feel is a simple but extremely powerful process, who would have thought, but boy oh boy, the changes that come naturally from these awarenesses are absolutely life changing.

  15. Cool blog, makes so much sense.This blog shows the truth………. imposing doesn’t work on people, we just have to live it for ourselves and they will feel the reflection and feel it for themselves.

    1. Jody this is such an important point, that we don’t impose on others or tell them what to do, just let them feel it for themselves as we get on with living the love we each are.

  16. Great blog Heidi, I am still occasionally drawn to eat something I know is not good for me, and I am getting better at catching myself before I actually eat it, however I have to work out what it was in the first place that made me want to eat that particular food.

  17. I used to tell myself that being bloated was a sign my body wanted something else to eat.’Oh how wrong I was!’. And I can so relate to your sharing about having a body free of stimulants like coffee, alcohol and sugar. In fact I was appreciating the fact yesterday, aware of how much more I can feel and sense today than in the past. It’s a revelation. Great sharing Heidi, thank you.

  18. ‘the whole way I was living contributed to needing certain foods’ … this resonates deeply Heidi especially as I’m looking at what I eat and why and right now feeling the effects of my food choices; and your comment about not eating for taste is interesting as I can feel how in fact I do and that is telling when I do, as I can often find later that my body suffers from that food choice. Eating to support is very different and asks that I do not use food a prop in any way but just as sustenance and support for my body and my life, this is something to explore.

  19. Heidi I saw chocolate as a reward for working hard, I deserved it and when my body was making different choices, from time to time I observed the cravings. The need for sweet things was because I was exhausted, or needed that comfort when anxiousness arose and I didn’t want to face what was coming up for me.

    Now I’m more aware and cannot recall the last time I ate chocolates and in all honesty chocolate is in our faces as we go to check out at the supermarkets, its in the cinemas, adverts, hospitals, it’s every where except my home.

    Amazing once we address the hidden reason for an addiction, it no longer has a hold of you.

    1. Same with me Shushila, I see chocolates everywhere but not in our home. But what does this tell about our societies that many people are in need of having to eat so much chocolate? Could it be that people are craving love, and mostly to be in love with themselves, that is making them to go for chocolate over and over again?

  20. Focusing on giving up things doesn’t work for most – but confirming that those patterns are not who we are does work as it separates us from the issue and gives space to feel the truth of who we are and what doesn’t belong to that.

  21. Heidi I agree this is beautiful anecdotal evidence you have shared here, I am sure many of us can relate to similar addictions and how we have been able to heal them with the support of Universal Medicine as well. Letting go of these addictions feels challenging at the time but eventually we begin to feel the many rewards that these loving choices can bring us.

  22. Thank you Heidi, what an inspiration you are . I still find that I am tempted to eat foods that are not great for my body. Usually when I am by myself or after my evening meal there seems to be a little niggle for something sweet! Time to look deeper at why!

  23. What you share here is so helpful Heidi – thank you! I know for myself that when I allow myself to take a step back and observe what it is that I’m really craving that it helps me get more clarity on what’s going on within me and to change how I approach food…

  24. The chocolate business wouldn’t enjoy this story and it’s funny how we link a food to an emotion like this. I wouldn’t have believed it unless I saw it myself and then I realised the signs were all around me it was just I couldn’t see them. It’s a great feeling to let go of anything that clouds or blinds us and there are definitely foods you can link to this but to look behind the food and see why the choice is there is a place few go. This story gives us an insight into what goes on and we think we just reach for something when in fact there are many choices leading us directly to the same place. When does it end? It ends when you make the choice for it to be that way.

  25. It is a bit like choosing a frequency and relating to others who are also in a frequency. You know what to expect from others and you know what is that you need to keep your frequency choice going. Yet, suddenly someone changes frequency and what you could expect is no longer there. A totally different frequency. Interesting that at that stage we keep relating with the person who changed frequency pretty much according to the old pattern (hence being annoyed by the new one) until at some point we feel into it and realise that there is no reason to keep the old pattern going and that what you use in order to keep going is not good either. Time to check whether the frequency you have chosen really does it for you or not. Universal Medicine is a great help to change frequencies and choosing higher ones.

  26. Hi Heidi, your present partner beats all the chocolate in the world and he is the bonus that came from you choosing you over chocolate and what a great choice that was!

  27. ‘In the past I had used my mind to try and control my eating habits without understanding the underlying reason for my reliance on it. So, whenever I had tried to make a change it was always fraught with relapses, mentally psyching myself up to try again, coupled with a berating inner voice adamantly stating I wasn’t strong enough to make permanent, positive changes.’

    Oh gosh I hear you Heidi! You’ve described the sad, circular story of addiction very well. At least feeling that tension can evoke the steps to make a positive change. Either that, or one has to pretty much kill oneself – quickly or slowly depending on the habit – through excess.

  28. Re your sofa-diving experience Heidi – it’s true – open the door to a bad habit before we’ve truly addressed what’s behind it, and it opens a flood gate of cravings that just HAVE to be satisfied. And so the cycle begins again, until we have the wherewithal to arrest the ill momentum by nominating and healing what lies behind it.

  29. Thank you Heidi for a very honest and inspiring sharing of the changes you have made in your life by listening to and feeling your body, it is quite amazing how our habits can change naturally as a consequence of making self loving choices.

  30. There is a ginormous difference in the quality of energy between preaching and creating rules to actually focusing on within and living from our essence and the truth is we know exactly which quality we are in, in that moment. For there to be no energetic rules or controlling behaviours there has to be a lived connection to self, to a stillness within and this has to come from first developing and then consistently living without perfection a loving relationship with self.

    1. I feel that when we preach or tell others what to do we are coming from a place that is superior and says “you don’t know what I know” and we may be invested in that person changing. However the reflection of how we lovingly live in connection to the soul communicates so much more, and nothing needs to be said verbally as we are all equal and all equally know and can feel the truth.

      1. Beautiful said Melinda, I agree there is certainly an element of superiority, an arrogance, a harshness, a need for control etc which is very imposing. What I am learning big time is not to react but see the energy for what it is and respond lovingly.

  31. Chocolate, is a real hussy, I can’t believe he’s your x-partner? Because I dated him too for ages. My relationship with him was extremely intense over the years, hahaha.
    To give you a bit of a background I have always been a bit of a sweet tooth and since opening my own café it has been extremely challenging for me to have any control over my “addiction” I would begin my day with a choc cranberries mini bite cake at 7am in the morning and by 7.10 I would have had a choc granola too. Eating chocolate for breakfast every morning was starting to embarrass me and was leaving me with a very low self esteem, not to mention extreme allergies. So it was time I did a little experiment, I decided that I would cut out all the chocolate. What was interesting was that I allowed myself to have any other cakes I wanted, carrot, orange but I didn’t crave them at all, you see all I wanted was the chocolate, this in itself was awesome because I thought I was just addicted to sugar but it was the creaminess that I craved. I started going for creamy things to try and make me feel the comfort I use to get from chocolate, I then decided to cut out all that creamy things and see how I felt. Interestingly I never craved anything unless it had, cream or chocolate, so I was finally free!

  32. When we make loving choices and make true changes in our life we naturally inspire others, especially people close to us. When you saw the amazing changes in your mum, that must have been deeply inspiring for you. This was how I was inspired too when I saw incredible changes in a close friend of mine who was glowing from head to toe after attending a Universal Medicine course.

  33. It feels so amazing how you naturally made these changes in your life simply by taking a deeply honest and loving approach to how you were living and what you were choosing. There was no one forcing you to make these changes and you did not go out to fix your life so to speak. You simply brought honesty and with it healing to the fore and the changes happened naturally!

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