by Adele Leung, English as a second language, Hong Kong
A few years ago there was an impulse in my heart – a knowing that humanity is connected. This was not something I could prove, but every cell within my being wished to live and express this impulse. It was not something easy to explain to those close to me – friends, peers or even family. As I began living as such, I met with Universal Medicine through the books of Serge Benhayon.
The initial encounter with the books was transformational as they were not understood through the intellect, but opened me up to a much deeper place within – my heart. What the books spoke was the truth known by the heart, as expressed through Serge. The books did not make my life easier so to speak, but the more I read, the clearer it became that there was still so much in my life to be aware of – the choices I was making on a daily basis to be self-loving or not. Simply knowing this was not enough, if what is known is not lived. There were so many areas in my way of living that were now open for me to look at, to be self-reflected on with raw transparency. Yet it was all a choice to me, and I was aware at times that would be challenging. What kept me going was knowing that if I could confront things I hadn’t dealt with, others will know it is possible also. At the same time, the love that opened was immense, and nothing could compare to living it.
For four years I have lived in a remote place, deep in the woods, far from people and all forms of transportation, a self-created idyllic sanctuary which was actually a form of protection from reality. I thought I was “living”, as my life with my son was very simple, we sleep early and wake up refreshed, we have ample exercise and eat well, but the truth was, I was trying to “live” within an immense distraction that I could not see. I would walk every day for 45 minutes over the hills to take my son to school, and would humour myself with all sorts of jokes when I had to carry heavy groceries, with body exhausted, walking back home. I was not being gentle or loving to my body, and I refused to see this because I was holding so firmly on to this idealistic way of living. But my son, who is eight years old, saw it. A few months ago, we moved back to community, and initially, the shock for me was so great that I got sick. But this was the beginning of the healing, because I was brought forth into awareness of all the areas I had not been loving to myself, and can now begin to change.
Geographically, my place of abode was far from the Universal Medicine clinic or being able to access the courses or workshops, but through a retreat last year I met with Serge Benhayon for the first time. The first time he spoke with me in person, the immense love I felt within was deep and beautiful, and I realised that I was feeling a true connection. Being met in this way allowed me to begin to feel the real me.
Whether it was through his books, in person, or through an email response, Serge Benhayon has consistently demonstrated to me what it means to be a true teacher; one who takes a genuine interest in his students equally and truly. Most importantly, the reflection presented by him has inspired me to live the truth of what I feel for myself. I realised that to be able to share love with others, I need to be able to know that in myself first. If I did not first live love myself and feel this love equally for all of humankind, what am I really sharing? In the last two years, I have gradually arrested and/or re-structured every aspect of my life and work, to return closer to sharing what is true love.
The funny thing about truth is, we can only know; it is not based on what others think, it is a knowing within us. It is not about believing, or even proving or refuting, although sometimes this may be necessary. I still cannot say I could prove anything with words or explanation, but I know how truth feels and this feeling has guided most of my life. I also know how it feels when I intentionally do not want to be guided by truth and choose otherwise. Therefore, truth for me is something I learn through life experience itself.