Recently, when browsing at a local bookshop, I purchased the “Little Book of Elvis in the Movies,” a book covering Elvis Presley’s very successful career in films. This led me on an investigative mission to try and understand the legend, the man, and finally, in his last quarter, you could say the tortured soul, who died in such a poor way, in total contrast to the charismatic, handsome, energetic, beautiful man that was seen and witnessed in his many years of movies and public performances. He was not named ‘The King’ without reason, and he definitely changed the shape of music with his cool dance moves on stage. “A white man that could sing and dance like a black man,” as quoted by media at the time.
So what leads Elvis, or any of us for that matter, to a path of disregard, self-abuse and into a place of no return?
We have seen so many successful stars not able to handle their light and power, and then make choices that eventually lead to their demise. The most obvious choices often relate to substance abuse through drugs, alcohol and food, but are they any different to many of us who rely on coffee to get through our day or who eat to hide, numb or bury our emptiness, sadness or unresolved hurts?
Are they any different to many of us who consider ourselves responsible providers, who drink at night to console, reward or numb ourselves after another long day at work providing for our family? Haven’t we all been there in some way or can relate to this?
Binge eating was something I started doing from a young age as a way of stopping myself from feeling. Feeling what, you may say? Feeling my sadness of not being met, feeling my fragility and tenderness as a boy, then as a man, in a world that left, or felt like it left, no space for this part of me, especially once I was corralled into the educational system. Not feeling safe to be myself, the sensitive soul, in case I was attacked. bullied or criticised at home or school. Feeling the tension of living in a world that didn’t feel right.
I remember as a child waking up and feeling so warm, full of me, yummy and safe in my warm bed and desperately wanting to be able to go everywhere in the safety of my bed. Then feeling the dread of having to leave this safe space to go out into the world and negotiate my way through the harshness, disconnection and loveless routines that were daily life. I was particularly sensitive to the way people acted and I could feel where people and l were at. This in turn caused me to harden and become quick and sharp with my tongue, to attack or be on the defensive so as to avoid attack. I also learned to not speak up, to keep my head down and calibrate what I said/did so as not to get the attention of judgment, jealousy or contempt.
Basically, I was always measuring what was safe to express. Therefore there was this lack of true expression or being able to show the real me that created tension in my body, to shut down and to calibrate myself to the situation, instead of being able to hold myself in joy and love in my body, regardless of what was happening out there.
So when it came to meal times, mainly at home where I could eat more (the little skinny dude), I would on purpose choose to overeat to the point of feeling stuffed or bloated. That way I wouldn’t feel any tension, or anything for that matter. Drugged and pacified, I would then proceed to go into comfort/relax mode. Before school, I would at times eat 6 -12 Weetbix to try and bloat or numb down tension or reaction. I also remember going to “all you can eat buffets” and just stuffing myself, and as an adult I would eat up to 7 plates of food. Pacified and numb, I would then have to lie down for hours with my body under load, trying to digest the gluttonous affair. It’s crazy looking back at what I did to not feel life.
As I became an adult, I then followed on with drugs and alcohol as a way to numb myself on a daily basis after a day of work in the world.
So why is it that, we as a society who have often loved so much the life and times of people like Elvis Presley, not to mention many other stars and individuals who have died due to suicide, don’t take heed and do a forensic study into what happened with them?
Why have they chosen to end their lives so prematurely in a way that is often in total contrast to what they, whether as stars or not, were portraying earlier on? It just doesn’t make sense, hence the need for all of us to dig deeper into why this is a regular occurrence with stars in particular, but also with everyday people. Saying “the person had depression,” is not a good enough reason to me because it says nothing and offers no insight into what may have been going on.
From what I have learnt from myself and, after slowly trying to go deeper, it is our hurts, or us in reaction to our hurts, that compounds the problem. The bits that we don’t want to look at, left unresolved, can then come back to bite us as manifested negative and self-harming behaviours.
The presentations and the healing courses from Universal Medicine, working with others in group work in a supported environment of like-minded people, not judging each other, have been very helpful for me in learning to understand that we are not our hurts and that it is a choice that we make to go into them, and then to act or live out our lives through our hurts. Most of us have been hurt and carry the scars from being abused – from the smallest incident to the most hideous cases like bashings, rape etc. And so the vast majority of us are all carrying hurts of some kind. The funny thing is, neither the world nor the people in it are perfect. Most of the time, most of us are acting out of our hurts so we then have the tendency to go around hurting each other without even being aware that we are doing it!
Now bring in our beliefs and ideals, our quality of connection to our selves/others and responsibility – the game changer that shows us that it is always a choice how we act toward another. I am learning that if another didn’t help to create a hurt we are carrying, why meet them or come at them carrying or wielding a hurt? This only creates more hurt and disharmony between us.
I feel blessed and have to pinch myself at times for choosing the journey back to love, to my innermost, and for making the choice to reconnect with the Ancient Wisdom as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine as, like Elvis, I could have easily chosen to go the other way many years ago.
I was at a serious crossroads, lonely and in my hurts from a relationship breakdown and in reaction, ready to re-invent myself, put on my old blue suede shoes for another round of the glamour and illusion of sex, drugs and rock and roll. This would have, no doubt, led to my demise or to a lesser, more lost version of myself as the outcome. This time around I chose a less glamorous, but far more fulfilling, healing journey – to come back to me. It started with Esoteric Healing sessions and reading the Esoteric Ancient Wisdom books (the ‘purple books’ by Serge Benhayon). They were like a life raft in a stormy sea.
Although far from perfect, my life became a wonderful unfoldment with always so much more to learn, as long as I stayed open and allowed myself to feel my way. So it is choice by choice, day by day that I am bringing myself back.
I am forever the student of my own livingness, which encompasses not only myself, but all people everywhere – including stars like Elvis.
By Greg Jordan